It was excellent to see Jack1 Charteris again, as Colonel Musgrave did within a few days of this. Musgrave was unreasonably2 fond of the novelist and frankly3 confessed it would be as preposterous4 to connect Charteris with any of the accepted standards of morality as it would be to judge an artesian-well from the standpoint of ethics5.
Anne was not yet in Lichfield. She had broken the journey to visit a maternal6 grand-aunt and some Virginia cousins, in Richmond, Charteris explained, and was to come thence to Matocton.
"And so you have acquired a boy and, by my soul, a very handsome wife,
Rudolph?"
"It is sufficiently7 notorious," said Colonel Musgrave. "Yes, we are quite absurdly happy." He laughed and added: "Patricia—but you don't know her droll8 way of putting things—says that the only rational complaint I can advance against her is her habit of rushing into a hospital every month or so and having a section or two of her person removed by surgeons. It worries me,—only, of course, it is not the sort of thing you can talk about. And, as Patricia says, it is an unpleasant thing to realize that your wife is not leaving you through the ordinary channels of death or of type-written decrees of the court, but only in vulgar fractions, as it were—"
"Please don't be quite so brutal9, Rudolph. It is not becoming in a Musgrave of Matocton to speak of women in any tone other than the most honeyed accents of chivalry10."
"Oh, I was only quoting Patricia," the colonel largely said, "and—er—Jack," he continued. "By the way, Jack, Clarice Pendomer will be at Matocton—"
"I rejoice in her good luck," said Charteris, equably.
"—and—well! I was wondering—?"
"I can assure you that there will be no—trouble. That skeleton is safely locked in its closet, and the key to that closet is missing—more thanks to you. You acted very nobly in the whole affair, Rudolph. I wish I could do things like that. As it is, of course, I shall always detest12 you for having been able to do it."
Charteris said, thereafter: "I shall always envy you, though, Rudolph. No other man I know has ever attained13 the good old troubadourish ideal of domnei—that love which rather abhors14 than otherwise the notion of possessing its object. I still believe it was a distinct relief to a certain military officer, whose name we need not mention, when Anne decided15 not to marry you."
The colonel grinned, a trifle consciously. "Well, Anne meant youth, you comprehend, and all the things we then believed in, Jack. It would have been decidedly difficult to live up to such a contract, and—as it were—to fulfil every one of the implied specifications17!"
"And yet"—here Charteris flicked18 his cigarette—"Anne ruled in the stead of Aline Van Orden. And Aline, in turn, had followed Clarice Pendomer. And before the coming of Clarice had Pauline Romeyne, whom time has converted into Polly Ashmeade, reigned19 in the land—"
"Don't be an ass11!" the colonel pleaded; and then observed, inconsequently: "I can't somehow quite realize Aline is dead. Lord, Lord, the letters that I wrote to her! She sent them all back, you know, in genuine romantic fashion, after we had quarreled. I found those boyish ravings only the other day in my father's desk at Matocton, and skimmed them over. I shall read them through some day and appropriately meditate20 over life's mysteries that are too sad for tears."
"It wouldn't be quite equitable22, Jack," the colonel summed it up, "if the Aline I loved—no, I don't mean the real woman, the one you and all the other people knew, the one that married the enterprising brewer23 and died five years ago—were not waiting for me somewhere. I can't express just what I mean, but you will understand, I know—?"
"That heaven is necessarily run on a Mohammedan basis? Why, of course," said Mr. Charteris. "Heaven, as I apprehend24 it, is a place where we shall live eternally among those ladies of old years who never condescended25 actually to inhabit any realm more tangible26 than that of our boyish fancies. It is the obvious definition; and I defy you to evolve a more enticing27 allurement28 toward becoming a deacon."
"You romancers are privileged to talk nonsense anywhere," the colonel estimated, "and I suppose that in the Lichfield you have made famous, Jack, you have a double right."
"Ah, but I never wrote a line concerning Lichfield. I only wrote about the Lichfield whose existence you continue to believe in, in spite of the fact that you are actually living in the real Lichfield," Charteris returned. "The vitality29 of the legend is wonderful."
He cocked his head to one side—an habitual30 gesture with Charteris—and the colonel noted31, as he had often done before, how extraordinarily32 reminiscent Jack was of a dried-up, quizzical black parrot. Said Charteris:
"I love to serve that legend. I love to prattle33 of 'ole Marster' and 'ole Miss,' and throw in a sprinkling of 'mockin'-buds' and 'hants' and 'horg-killing time,' and of sweeping34 animadversions as to all 'free niggers'; and to narrate35 how 'de quality use ter cum'—you spell it c-u-m because that looks so convincingly like dialect—'ter de gret hous.' Those are the main ingredients. And, as for the unavoidable love-interest—" Charteris paused, grinned, and pleasantly resumed: "Why, jes arter dat, suh, a hut Yankee cap'en, whar some uv our folks done shoot in de laig, wuz lef on de road fer daid—a quite notorious custom on the part of all Northern armies—un Young Miss had him fotch up ter de gret hous, un nuss im same's he one uv de fambly, un dem two jes fit un argufy scanlous un never spicion huccum dey's in love wid each othuh till de War's ovuh. And there you are! I need not mention that during the tale's progress it is necessary to introduce at least one favorable mention of Lincoln, arrange a duel36 'in de low grouns' immediately after day-break, and have the family silver interred37 in the back garden, because these points will naturally suggest themselves."
"But, believe me, I don't at heart," said Charteris, in a queer earnest voice. "There is a sardonic39 imp16 inside me that makes me jeer40 at the commoner tricks of the trade—and yet when I am practising that trade, when I am writing of those tender-hearted, brave and gracious men and women, and of those dear old darkies, I very often write with tears in my eyes. I tell you this with careful airiness because it is true and because it would embarrass me so horribly if you believed it."
Then he was off upon another tack41. "And wherein, pray, have I harmed Lichfield by imagining a dream city situated42 half way between Atlantis and Avalon and peopled with superhuman persons—and by having called this city Lichfield? The portrait did not only flatter Lichfield, it flattered human nature. So, naturally, it pleased everybody. Yes, that, I take it, is the true secret of romance—to induce the momentary43 delusion44 that humanity is a superhuman race, profuse45 in aspiration46, and prodigal47 in the exercise of glorious virtues48 and stupendous vices49. As a matter of fact, all human passions are depressingly chicken-hearted, I find. Were it not for the police court records, I would pessimistically insist that all of us elect to love one person and to hate another with very much the same enthusiasm that we display in expressing a preference for rare roast beef as compared with the outside slice. Oh, really, Rudolph, you have no notion how salutary it is to the self-esteem of us romanticists to run across, even nowadays, an occasional breach50 of the peace. For then sometimes—when the coachman obligingly cuts the butler's throat in the back-alley, say—we actually presume to think for a moment that our profession is almost as honest as that of making counterfeit51 money…."
The colonel did not interrupt his brief pause of meditation52. Then the novelist said:
"Why, no; if I were ever really to attempt a tale of Lichfield, I would not write a romance but a tragedy. I think that I would call my tragedy Futility53, for it would mirror the life of Lichfield with unengaging candor54; and, as a consequence, people would complain that my tragedy lacked sustained interest, and that its participants were inconsistent; that it had no ordered plot, no startling incidents, no high endeavors, and no especial aim; and that it was equally deficient55 in all time-hallowed provocatives of either laughter or tears. For very few people would understand that a life such as this, when rightly viewed, is the most pathetic tragedy conceivable."
"Oh, come, now, Jack! come, recollect56 that your reasoning powers are almost as worthy57 of employment as your rhetorical abilities! We are not quite so bad as that, you know. We may be a little behind the times in Lichfield; we certainly let well enough alone, and we take things pretty much as they come; but we meddle58 with nobody, and, after all, we don't do any especial harm."
"We don't do anything whatever in especial, Rudolph. That would be precisely59 the theme of my story of the real Lichfield if I were ever bold enough to write it. There seems to be a sort of blight60 upon Lichfield. Oh, yes! it would be unfair, perhaps, to contrast it with the bigger Southern cities, like Richmond and Atlanta and New Orleans; but even the inhabitants of smaller Southern towns are beginning to buy excursion tickets, and thereby61 ascertain62 that the twentieth century has really begun. Yes, it is only in Lichfield I can detect the raw stuff of a genuine tragedy; for, depend upon it, Rudolph, the most pathetic tragedy in life is to get nothing in particular out of it."
And Charteris only laughed. "And I hardly expected you to do so,
Rudolph—or not yet, at least."
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1
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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unreasonably
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| adv. 不合理地 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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droll
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| adj.古怪的，好笑的 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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13
attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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14
abhors
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| v.憎恶( abhor的第三人称单数 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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imp
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| n.顽童 | |
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specifications
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| n.规格；载明；详述；（产品等的）说明书；说明书( specification的名词复数 )；详细的计划书；载明；详述 | |
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18
flicked
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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19
reigned
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| vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式） | |
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20
meditate
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| v.想，考虑，（尤指宗教上的）沉思，冥想 | |
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21
meditated
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| 深思，沉思，冥想( meditate的过去式和过去分词 )； 内心策划，考虑 | |
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22
equitable
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| adj.公平的；公正的 | |
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brewer
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| n. 啤酒制造者 | |
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apprehend
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| vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑 | |
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condescended
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| 屈尊，俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 )； 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
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tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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enticing
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| adj.迷人的；诱人的 | |
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28
allurement
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| n.诱惑物 | |
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vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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30
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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33
prattle
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| n.闲谈；v.（小孩般）天真无邪地说话；发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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34
sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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narrate
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| v.讲，叙述 | |
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36
duel
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| n./v.决斗；(双方的)斗争 | |
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interred
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| v.埋，葬( inter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
fouls
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| n.煤层尖灭；恶劣的( foul的名词复数 )；邪恶的；难闻的；下流的v.使污秽( foul的第三人称单数 )；弄脏；击球出界；（通常用废物）弄脏 | |
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39
sardonic
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| adj.嘲笑的，冷笑的，讥讽的 | |
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40
jeer
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| vi.嘲弄，揶揄；vt.奚落；n.嘲笑，讥评 | |
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41
tack
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| n.大头钉；假缝，粗缝 | |
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42
situated
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| adj.坐落在...的，处于某种境地的 | |
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43
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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44
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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45
profuse
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| adj.很多的，大量的，极其丰富的 | |
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46
aspiration
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| n.志向，志趣抱负；渴望；(语)送气音；吸出 | |
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47
prodigal
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| adj.浪费的，挥霍的，放荡的 | |
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48
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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49
vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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50
breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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51
counterfeit
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| vt.伪造，仿造；adj.伪造的，假冒的 | |
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52
meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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53
futility
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| n.无用 | |
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54
candor
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| n.坦白，率真 | |
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55
deficient
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| adj.不足的，不充份的，有缺陷的 | |
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56
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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57
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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58
meddle
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| v.干预，干涉，插手 | |
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59
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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60
blight
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| n.枯萎病；造成破坏的因素；vt.破坏，摧残 | |
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61
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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62
ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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