Mrs. Deane found the hours drag heavily while her parents remained. She was not like her former self, and they could not but notice the change.
It was the first time in their married life that she wished them at home. One hour alone with her husband would have set all right; but there were none, for business seemed to press in from all quarters, and every moment of his time, far into the night, was occupied in writing.
They saw nothing of each other save in the presence of their parents, for Mr. Deane only snatched a few hours' sleep at early dawn, and awoke just in time to prepare for breakfast. They were estranged1, and circumstances to embitter2 the sad state of affairs seemed to daily multiply.
The fourth evening after the arrival, there was a slight pause in the pressure of his business, but feeling no inclination3 to join the family, knowing that Mabel and himself would be in feelings miles apart, he called again upon Miss Evans.
To his relief he found her alone, for he longed for another communion with a mind so comprehensive, and a soul so pure as her own. She noticed the look of sadness on his face, and was glad her own heart was light and her soul strong in trust, that she might administer to him.
Had he come last night, she said to herself, how little could I have done for him, for my own soul was dark with grief, my lips dumb. His face bore a more buoyant look as her words of hope and thoughtful sayings appealed to his good judgment4, and before long it glowed with joy like her own. He forgot the cloud that had arisen over himself and Mabel; forgot her words that so wounded his soul; and only her best and true self was mirrored on his heart, as he listened to the vital truths which flowed from the lips of the noble woman in whose presence he sat.
"Our conversation the other night," he said, "awakened5 such new emotions, or rather aroused feelings which were dormant6, that I could not resist the strong impulse I felt to call on you again and renew our conversation."
"I am very glad you have come, for it does my soul good to see others interested in these newly-developed views, and recognizing the great needs of humanity, and the imperative7 demands of our natures."
"I have felt," remarked Mr. Deane, "for a long time that the church, the subject of our last conversation, needs more life; that it must open its doors to all rays of light, and not longer admit only a few, and that those doors must be broad enough and high enough, that whatever is needed for the advancement8 of mankind may enter therein, come from whence it may, and called by whatever name it may be. In a word, the church must go on in advance of the people, or at least with them, else it will be left behind and looked upon as a worn out and useless institution."
"I am glad to hear you express your thoughts thus, and hope you will give them as freely at all times, for too many who entertain these views do not speak them, standing9 in fear of what their friends or the church may say or do. Of such there are tens of thousands. Give them utterance10. Every honest man and woman should, and thus aid in hastening on the day of true life and perfect liberty. While I value associative effort, I would not for a moment lose sight of individual thinking and acting11. We do not have enough of it. The church has much to adopt to bring it into a healthy condition. To-day it ignores many valuable truths which retired12 individuals hold, while it feeds its hearers on husks. Finding better food for their souls outside, they go, and cannot return, because the truths they hold would not be accepted."
"We have made rapid advances in art and science, Miss Evans, but the church has lagged behind, until at length we find that more christianity is found outside than inside its walls."
"True. The best men and women I have ever known, have never sat at the table of the Lord, so called, have never broken the bread and drank the wine, yet their souls have tasted life-everlasting when they have given in His name food to the hungry and clothing to the naked. Each soul is a temple and each heart a shrine13. The only thing the church can do to-day is, to reach forth14 and take its life from the world. All the accessions of art must be unfolded, if she would keep alive. Fortify15 it with these things, and we shall not see, as we do now, in every town and city even, the whole burden of its support resting on one or two individuals. If it has life enough it will stand; if it refuse light, such persons only retard16 its progress, although strictly17 conscientious18 in their position. I think one of its greatest errors is in keeping one pastor19 too long. How can the people be fed, and draw life from one fount alone?"
"True," he said, "and is not that view applicable to our social and domestic as well as to our religious state? Can we draw life always from one person?"
"No; nor was it ever intended that men and women should so exhaust each other. The marriage law is too arbitrary; it allows no scope for individual action, and yet the subject is so delicate, so intricate, that none but the keenest and nicest balanced minds dare attempt to criticise20, much less improve it. The misconstructions of a person's motives21 are so great that many who see its errors, tremble and fear to speak of them. But if we are to bring any good to the covenant22, so sacred in its offices, we must point out its defects and seek to remedy them, and I sometimes think it will be my mission to help it to higher states. Although such a task would be far from enviable, I will willingly give my thoughts to those who are struggling, at the risk of being misunderstood nine times in ten, as I probably shall be."
"Then please give me your best thoughts, Miss Evans, for I need all the light I can get, not only for myself, but for others."
"I am but a scholar, like yourself, Mr. Deane, and I sometimes think that all I may hope to do will be but to lift the burden an instant from the pilgrim's shoulder, that deeper breath may be taken for the long and often dreary23 journey."
A sharp ring of the door-bell interrupted further conversation, and Mr. Deane, bowing to the intruder, as such she seemed at that moment to be, bade Miss Evans good evening, and departed.
The caller was a gossiping woman, who kept many domestic fires alive with her fuel of scandalous reports.
"Dear me, Miss Evans," she said, as soon as comfortably seated, "was n't that Mr. Deane? Yes, I thought so; but my eye-sight 'aint over good, and then he looked so sad-like; maybe he 'aint well," and she looked inquiringly to Miss Evans, who replied,--
"I think he is in his usual health; a little worn, perhaps, with business. How is your family, Mrs. Turner?"
"O, tol'rable, thank ye. But Mr. Deane did n't say anything, did he, about his folks?
"His folks? What do you mean, Mrs. Turner?"
"Law me, I might as well tell as not, now I've said what I have. Why you see Miss Moses who nusses Mrs. Baker24, was up ter Mrs. Brown's last night, and Mrs. Deane's hired gal25 was there, and she told Mrs. Brown's man that Mr. Deane and his wife had some pretty hard words together, and that her folks-her father and mother-was 'goin ter take her home."
"Mrs. Turner, I have no interest in this gossip; we will change the subject if you please."
"Lor, don't be 'fended26; I only-I mean I meant no harm."
"You may not; but this idle habit of retailing27 the sayings of others, is worse than folly28. It's a great wrong to yourself and the individuals spoken of."
"Well, I did n't think to have such a lectur'," said the woman, affecting a feeling of good nature, "I say as I said afore, I meant no harm. I like Mr. and Mrs. Deane very much, and thought it was too bad for such things to be said."
"Is marm here?" inquired a coarse voice at the door, and a red, chubby29 face was thrust in the narrow opening.
"Why, Josiah Turner, I told you ter go ter bed an hour ago. Well, I must go, Miss Evans. I 'spose my boy won't go without me," and taking her son by the hand, she departed.
"A storm upon their domestic horizon, I fear, is coming, if not already there," said Miss Evans, setting down and resting her lead upon her hands. "I wish he had not come. Something may be charged to me-but why should I fear. I have said simply what I felt was right. I must expect to encounter many storms in this voyage whose haven30 of peace is-where? None knoweth."
She fastened her door, and after lifting her heart in prayer for guidance, retired.
Mr. Deane found his wife alone when he returned, and one could have seen by his manner how glad he was to find her so.
"It seems a month, Mabel, since I have seen you alone."
She only remarked that she feared her parents felt his absence from home.
"I do think, Howard," she continued, "that you could give us a little of your time. It is due to my parents. It must seem to them that you willingly absent yourself, and it is hard for me to convince them to the contrary."
"I am sorry that any such impression should have worked its way into their minds. They ought to know that it is quite a sacrifice for me to devote myself so closely to business. I hope, Mabel, you are wrongly impressed as regards them, and it may be that your own state has more to do with it than theirs. This is the first evening I have had to myself since they have been here."
"And why was this not spent at home?"
"Because I cannot assume to be what I am not, and you know I am not at rest; that our harmony is disturbed. Could I have seen you alone, I should have been at home before this."
"You have sought society, I suppose, more congenial?"
"Mabel, be careful. You may so unnerve me that I may say much that I shall be sorry for."
"Howard?"
"Well, Mabel."
"I think I shall return with father and mother. They will go home day after to-morrow."
He did not raise his eyes, nor appear in the least anxious to detain her, but merely said:
"Where are they this evening?"
"At Mrs. Norton's. They went to tea. I felt too ill to accompany them."
"Are you very ill, Mabel?"
"I feel far from well, and yet it does not seem to be from physical indisposition. It is something deeper."
"True, my poor wife, we have become estranged; and what has caused it?"
She looked thoughtfully at him a moment, but no answer came from her lips.
"I think we had better part awhile. It will do us both good."
She started, scarce expecting such a remark from him.
"Then my presence has, indeed, become irksome to you?" Her tone and manner implied more than she cared to display.
"You know better than that, Mabel; but I-we both are sadly out of harmony; perhaps have exhausted31 each other. Let us part, and each find ourselves. We shall be brighter and happier when we come together, Mabel; shall we not?" and he laid his hand tenderly on her head.
O, why cannot two at least see things in their true light? Why was it that she remained so blind to the real state of affairs? Either ignorance or wilfulness32 kept her from the light, and coldly bidding him good night, she left the room.
The next day was indeed gloomy. Mabel's parents had become acquainted, not with the facts, but with a distorted view of the case, and in their eyes she was a greatly abused woman. It was no longer any use for her husband to exert himself for their happiness, the poison of prejudice had entered their minds, and tinctured every thought.
It was a painful parting. Misconception on one side, and deep suffering with pride, upon the other. No lighting33 of the eyes, no pressure of the hand, no warm good-bye, to keep his heart alive while she was away.
He stood, after the cars had left, deeply pondering the strange affair, until the crowd jostled him, and brought him back to the external world, with its toil34, its sounds of mirth, and its varied35 forms of life.
What a break in his usual peaceful life; what a void he found in his soul when he entered the silent home. There was no lingering atmosphere of love about the rooms; everything was put away out of sight. The order was painful, and he left to seek companionship if not sympathy.
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estranged
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| adj.疏远的，分离的 | |
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embitter
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| v.使苦；激怒 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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dormant
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| adj.暂停活动的；休眠的；潜伏的 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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advancement
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| n.前进，促进，提升 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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fortify
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| v.强化防御，为…设防；加强，强化 | |
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retard
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| n.阻止，延迟；vt.妨碍，延迟，使减速 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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pastor
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| n.牧师，牧人 | |
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criticise
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| v.批评，评论；非难 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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covenant
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| n.盟约，契约；v.订盟约 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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baker
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| n.面包师 | |
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gal
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| n.姑娘，少女 | |
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fended
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| v.独立生活，照料自己( fend的过去式和过去分词 )；挡开，避开 | |
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retailing
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| n.零售业v.零售(retail的现在分词) | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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chubby
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| adj.丰满的，圆胖的 | |
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haven
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| n.安全的地方，避难所，庇护所 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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32
wilfulness
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| 任性；倔强 | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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