Thomas Owen went to his room, but not to bed. Taking a Bible from thetable, he consulted reference after reference.
"The promise is clear," he said aloud presently, as he shut the book;"clear and often repeated. There is no escape from it, and nopossibility of a double meaning. If it is not true, then it would seemthat nothing is true, and that every Christian1 in the world is trickedand deluded2. But if it /is/ true, why do we never hear of miracles?
The answer is easy: Because we have not faith enough to work them. TheApostles worked miracles; for they had seen, therefore their faith wasperfect. Since their day nobody's faith has been quite perfect; atleast I think not. The physical part of our nature prevents it. Orperhaps the miracles still happen, but they are spiritual miracles."Then he sat down by the open window, and gazing at the dreamy beautyof the summer night, he thought, for his soul was troubled. Oncebefore it had been troubled thus; that was nine years ago, for now hewas but little over thirty. Then a call had come to him, a voice hadseemed to speak to his ears bidding him to lay down great possessionsto follow whither Heaven should lead him. Thomas Owen had obeyed thevoice; though, owing to circumstances which need not be detailed3, todo so he was obliged to renounce4 his succession to a very largeestate, and to content himself with a younger son's portion of thirtythousand pounds and the reversion to the living which he had now heldfor some five years.
Then and there, with singular unanimity5 and despatch6, his relationscame to the conclusion that he was mad. To this hour, indeed, thosewho stand in his place and enjoy the wealth and position that were hisby right, speak of him as "poor Thomas," and mark their disapprobationof his peculiar7 conduct by refusing with an unvarying steadiness tosubscribe even a single shilling to a missionary8 society. How "poorThomas" speaks of them in the place where he is we may wonder, but asyet we cannot know--probably with the gentle love and charity thatmarked his every action upon earth. But this is by the way.
He had entered the Church, but what had he done in its shadow? Thiswas the question which Owen asked himself as he sat that night by theopen window, arraigning9 his past before the judgment-seat ofconscience. For three years he had worked hard somewhere in the slums;then this living had fallen to him. He had taken it, and from that dayforward his record was very much of a blank. The parish was small andwell ordered; there was little to do in it, and the Salvation10 Army hadseized upon and reclaimed11 two of the three confirmed drunkards itcould boast.
His guest's saying echoed in his brain like the catch of a tune--"that/you/ might lead that life and attain12 that death." Supposing that hewere bidden so to do now, this very night, would he indeed "thinkdifferently"? He had become a priest to serve his Maker13. How would itbe were that Maker to command that he should serve Him in this extremeand heroic fashion? Would he flinch14 from the steel, or would he meetit as the martyrs15 met it of old?
Physically he was little suited to such an enterprise, for inappearance he was slight and pale, and in constitution delicate. Also,there was another reason against the thing. High Church and somewhatascetic in his principles, in the beginning he had admired celibacy,and in secret dedicated16 himself to that state. But at heart Thomas wasvery much a man, and of late he had come to see that which isagainst nature is presumably not right, though fanatics17 may nothesitate to pronounce it wrong. Possibly this conversion18 to moregenial views of life was quickened by the presence in theneighbourhood of a young lady whom he chanced to admire; at least itis certain that the mere19 thought of seeing her no more for ever smotehim like a sword of sudden pain.
*****That very night--or so it seemed to him, and so he believed--the Angelof the Lord stood before him as he was wont20 to stand before the men ofold, and spoke21 a summons in his ear. How or in what seeming thatsummons came Thomas Owen never told, and we need not inquire. At theleast he heard it, and, like the Apostles, he arose and girded hisloins to obey. For now, in the hour of trial, it proved that thisman's faith partook of the nature of their faith. It was utter andvirgin; it was not clogged22 with nineteenth-century qualifications; ithad never dallied23 with strange doctrines24, or kissed the feet ofpinchbeck substitutes for God. In his heart he believed that theAlmighty, without intermediary, but face to face, had bidden him to goforth into the wilderness25 there to perish. So he bowed his head andwent.
On the following morning at breakfast Owen had some talk with hisfriend the Deputation.
"You asked me last night," he said quietly, "whether I would undertakea mission to that people of whom you were telling me--the Sons ofFire. Well, I have been thinking it over, and come to the conclusionthat I will do so----"At this point the Deputation, concluding that his host must be mad,moved quietly but decidedly towards the door.
"Wait a moment," went on Owen, in a matter-of-fact voice, "the dog-cart will not be round for another three-quarters of an hour. Tell me,if it were offered to you, and on investigation26 you proved suitable,would you care to take over this living?""Would I care to take over this living?" gasped27 the astonishedDeputation. "Would I care to walk down that garden and find myself inHeaven? But why are you making fun of me?""I am not making fun of you. If I go to Africa I must give up theliving, of which I own the advowson, and it occurred to me that itmight suit you--that is all. You have done your share; your health isbroken, and you have many dependent upon you. It seems right,therefore, that you should rest, and that I should work. If I do nogood yonder, at the least you and yours will be a little benefited."*****That same day Owen chanced to meet the lady who has been spoken of ashaving caught his heart. He had meant to go away without seeing her,but fortune brought them together. Hitherto, whilst in reality leadinghim on, she had seemed to keep him at a distance, with the result thathe did not know that it was her fixed28 intention to marry him. To her,with some hesitation29, he told his plans. Surprised and frightened intocandour, the lady reasoned with him warmly, and when reason failed tomove him she did more. By some subtle movement, with some sudden word,she lifted the veil of her reserve and suffered him to see her heart.
"If you will not stay for aught else," said her troubled eyes, "then,love, stay for me."For a moment he was shaken. Then he answered the look straight out, aswas his nature.
"I never guessed," he said. "I did not presume to hope--now it is toolate! Listen! I will tell you what I have told no living soul, thoughthereafter you may think me mad. Weak and humble30 as I am, I believemyself to have received a Divine mission. I believe that I shallexecute it, or bring about its execution, but at the ultimate cost ofmy own life. Still, in such a service two are better than one. If you--can care enough--if you----"But the lady had already turned away, and was murmuring her farewellin accents that sounded like a sob31. Love and faith after this sortwere not given to her.
Of all Owen's trials this was the sharpest. Of all his sacrifices thiswas the most complete.
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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deluded
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| v.欺骗，哄骗( delude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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detailed
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| adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的 | |
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renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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unanimity
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| n.全体一致，一致同意 | |
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despatch
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| n./v.(dispatch)派遣；发送；n.急件；新闻报道 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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missionary
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| adj.教会的，传教(士)的；n.传教士 | |
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arraigning
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| v.告发( arraign的现在分词 )；控告；传讯；指责 | |
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salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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reclaimed
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| adj.再生的；翻造的；收复的；回收的v.开拓( reclaim的过去式和过去分词 )；要求收回；从废料中回收（有用的材料）；挽救 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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maker
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| n.制造者，制造商 | |
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flinch
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| v.畏缩，退缩 | |
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martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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dedicated
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| adj.一心一意的；献身的；热诚的 | |
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fanatics
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| 狂热者，入迷者( fanatic的名词复数 ) | |
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conversion
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| n.转化，转换，转变 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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clogged
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| （使）阻碍( clog的过去式和过去分词 )； 淤滞 | |
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dallied
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| v.随随便便地对待( dally的过去式和过去分词 )；不很认真地考虑；浪费时间；调情 | |
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doctrines
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| n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 )；教义；学说；（政府政策的）正式声明 | |
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wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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