ON the fourth of September, Christie woke up, saying to herself: "Itis my birthday, but no one knows it, so I shall get no presents. Ah,well, I'm too old for that now, I suppose;" but she sighed as shesaid it, for well she knew one never is too old to be remembered andbeloved.
Just then the door opened, and Mrs. Sterling1 entered, carrying whatlooked very like a pile of snow-flakes in her arms. Laying this uponthe bed, she kissed Christie, saying with a tone and gesture thatmade the words a benediction2:
"A happy birthday, and God bless thee, my daughter!"Before Christie could do more than hug both gift and giver, a greatbouquet came flying in at the open window, aimed with such skillthat it fell upon the bed, while David's voice called out frombelow: "A happy birthday, Christie, and many of them!""How sweet, how kind of you, this is! I didn't dream you knew aboutto-day, and never thought of such a beautiful surprise," criedChristie, touched and charmed by this unexpected celebration.
"Thee mentioned it once long ago, and we remembered. They are veryhumble gifts, my dear; but we could not let the day pass withoutsome token of the thanks we owe thee for these months of faithfulservice and affectionate companionship."Christie had no answer to this little address, and was about to cryas the only adequate expression of her feelings, when a hearty4"Hear! Hear!" from below made her laugh, and call out:
"You conspirators5! how dare you lay plots, and then exult6 over mewhen I can't find words to thank you? I always did think you were aset of angels, and now I'm quite sure of it.""Thee may be right about Davy, but I am only a prudent7 old woman,and have taken much pleasure in privately8 knitting this light wrapto wear when thee sits in the porch, for the evenings will soon growchilly. My son did not know what to get, and finally decided9 thatflowers would suit thee best; so he made a bunch of those theeloves, and would toss it in as if he was a boy.""I like that way, and both my presents suit me exactly," saidChristie, wrapping the fleecy shawl about her, and admiring thenosegay in which her quick eye saw all her favorites, even to aplumy spray of the little wild asters which she loved so much.
"Now, child, I will step down, and see about breakfast. Take thytime; for this is to be a holiday, and we mean to make it a happyone if we can."With that the old lady went away, and Christie soon followed,looking very fresh and blithe10 as she ran down smiling behind hergreat bouquet3. David was in the porch, training up themorning-glories that bloomed late and lovely in that sheltered spot.
He turned as she approached, held out his hand, and bent11 a little asif he was moved to add a tenderer greeting. But he did not, onlyheld the hand she gave him for a moment, as he said with thepaternal expression unusually visible:
"I wished you many happy birthdays; and, if you go on gettingyounger every year like this, you will surely have them."It was the first compliment he had ever paid her, and she liked it,though she shook her head as if disclaiming12 it, and answeredbrightly:
"I used to think many years would be burdensome, and just before Icame here I felt as if I could not bear another one. But now I liketo live, and hope I shall a long, long time.""I'm glad of that; and how do you mean to spend these long years ofyours?" asked David, brushing back the lock of hair that was alwaysfalling into his eyes, as if he wanted to see more clearly thehopeful face before him.
"In doing what your morning-glories do,--climb up as far and as fastas I can before the frost comes," answered Christie, looking at thepretty symbols she had chosen.
"You have got on a good way already then," began David, smiling ather fancy.
"Oh no, I haven't!" she said quickly. "I'm only about half way up.
See here: I'll tell how it is;" and, pointing to the different partsof the flowery wall, she added in her earnest way: "I've watchedthese grow, and had many thoughts about them, as I sit sewing in theporch. These variegated13 ones down low are my childish fancies; mostof them gone to seed you see. These lovely blue ones of all shadesare my girlish dreams and hopes and plans. Poor things! some aredead, some torn by the wind, and only a few pale ones left quiteperfect. Here you observe they grow sombre with a tinge14 of purple;that means pain and gloom, and there is where I was when I camehere. Now they turn from those sad colors to crimson15, rose, and softpink. That's the happiness and health I found here. You and yourdear mother planted them, and you see how strong and bright theyare."She lifted up her hand, and gathering16 one of the great rosy17 cupsoffered it to him, as if it were brimful of the thanks she could notutter. He comprehended, took it with a quiet "Thank you," and stoodlooking at it for a moment, as if her little compliment pleased himvery much.
"And these?" he said presently, pointing to the delicate violetbells that grew next the crimson ones.
The color deepened a shade in Christie's cheek, but she went on withno other sign of shyness; for with David she always spoke18 outfrankly, because she could not help it.
"Those mean love to me, not passion: the deep red ones half hiddenunder the leaves mean that. My violet flowers are the best andpurest love we can know: the sort that makes life beautiful andlasts for ever. The white ones that come next are tinged20 with thatsoft color here and there, and they mean holiness. I know there willbe love in heaven; so, whether I ever find it here or not, I am sureI shall not miss it wholly."Then, as if glad to leave the theme that never can be touchedwithout reverent21 emotion by a true woman, she added, looking up towhere a few spotless blossoms shone like silver in the light:
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations22. I cannotreach them: but I can look up, and see their beauty; believe inthem, and try to follow where they lead; remember that frost comeslatest to those that bloom the highest; and keep my beautiful whiteflowers as long as I can.""The mush is ready; come to breakfast, children," called Mrs.
Sterling, as she crossed the hall with a teapot in her hand.
Christie's face fell, then she exclaimed laughing: "That's alwaysthe way; I never take a poetic23 flight but in comes the mush, andspoils it all.""Not a bit; and that's where women are mistaken. Souls and bodiesshould go on together; and you will find that a hearty breakfastwon't spoil the little hymn24 the morning-glories sung;" and David sether a good example by eating two bowls of hasty-pudding and milk,with the lovely flower in his button-hole.
"Now, what are we to do next?" asked Christie, when the usualmorning work was finished.
"In about ten minutes thee will see, I think," answered Mrs.
Sterling, glancing at the clock, and smiling at the bright expectantlook in the younger woman's eyes.
She did see; for in less than ten minutes the rumble26 of an omnibuswas heard, a sound of many voices, and then the whole Wilkins broodcame whooping27 down the lane. It was good to see Ma Wilkins jogponderously after in full state and festival array; her bonnettrembling with bows, red roses all over her gown, and a parasol ofuncommon brilliancy brandished28 joyfully29 in her hand. It was betterstill to see her hug Christie, when the latter emerged, flushed andbreathless, from the chaos30 of arms, legs, and chubby31 faces in whichshe was lost for several tumultuous moments; and it was best of allto see the good woman place her cherished "bunnit" in the middle ofthe parlor32 table as a choice and lovely ornament33, administer thefamily pocket-handkerchief all round, and then settle down with ahearty:
"Wal, now, Mis Sterlin', you've no idee how tickled34 we all was whenMr. David came, and told us you was goin' to have a galy hereto-day. It was so kind of providential, for 'Lisha was invited outto a day's pleasuring so I could leave jest as wal as not. Thechildern's ben hankerin' to come the wust kind, and go plummin' asthey did last month, though I told 'em berries was gone weeks ago. Ireelly thought I'd never get 'em here whole, they trained so in thatbus. Wash would go on the step, and kep fallin' off; Gusty's hatblew out a winder; them two bad boys tumbled round loose; and dearlittle Victory set like a lady, only I found she'd got both feet inthe basket right atop of the birthday cake, I made a puppose forChristie.""It hasn't hurt it a bit; there was a cloth over it, and I like itall the better for the marks of Totty's little feet, bless 'em!" andChristie cuddled the culprit with one hand while she revealed thedamaged delicacy36 with the other, wondering inwardly what evil starwas always in the ascendant when Mrs. Wilkins made cake.
"Now, my dear, you jest go and have a good frolic with themchildern, I'm a goin' to git dinner, and you a goin' to play; so wedon't want to see no more of you till the bell rings," said Mrs.
Catching up her hat Christie obeyed, feeling as much like a child asany of the excited six. The revels38 that followed no pen can justlyrecord, for Goths and Vandals on the rampage but feebly describesthe youthf ul Wilkinses when their spirits effervesced39 after amonth's bottling up in close home quarters.
David locked the greenhouse door the instant he saw them; andpervaded the premises40 generally like a most affable but verywatchful policeman, for the ravages41 those innocents committed muchafflicted him. Yet he never had the heart to say a word of reproof,when he saw their raptures42 over dandelions, the relish43 with whichthey devoured44 fruit, and the good it did the little souls and bodiesto enjoy unlimited45 liberty, green grass, and country air, even for aday.
Christie usually got them into the big meadow as soon as possible,and there let them gambol46 at will; while she sat on the broken boughof an apple-tree, and watched her flock like an old-fashionedshepherdess. To-day she did so; and when the children were happilysailing boats, tearing to and fro like wild colts, or discoveringthe rustic47 treasures Nurse Nature lays ready to gladden littlehearts and hands, Christie sat idly making a garland of greenbrakes, and ruddy sumach leaves ripened48 before the early frosts hadcome.
A FRIENDLY CHAT.
David saw her there, and, feeling that he might come off guard for atime, went strolling down to lean upon the wall, and chat in thefriendly fashion that had naturally grown up between thesefellow-workers. She was waiting for the new supply of ferns littleAdelaide was getting for her by the wall; and while she waited shesat resting her cheek upon her hand, and smiling to herself, as ifshe saw some pleasant picture in the green grass at her feet.
"Now I wonder what she's thinking about," said David's voice closeby, and Christie straightway answered:
"Philip Fletcher.""And who is he?" asked David, settling his elbow in a comfortableniche between the mossy stones, so that he could "lean and loaf" athis ease.
"The brother of the lady whose children I took care of;" andChristie wished she had thought before she answered that firstquestion, for in telling her adventures at diiferent times she hadomitted all mention of this gentleman.
"Tell about him, as the children say: your experiences are alwaysinteresting, and you look as if this man was uncommonly49 entertainingin some way," said David, indolently inclined to be amused.
"Oh, dear no, not at all entertaining! invalids50 seldom are, and hewas sick and lazy, conceited51 and very cross sometimes." Christie'sheart rather smote52 her as she said this, remembering the last lookpoor Fletcher gave her.
"A nice man to be sure; but I don't see any thing to smile about,"persisted David, who liked reasons for things; a masculine traitoften very trying to feminine minds.
"I was thinking of a little quarrel we once had. He found out that Ihad been an actress; for I basely did not mention that fact when Itook the place, and so got properly punished for my deceit. Ithought he'd tell his sister of course, so I did it myself, andretired from the situation as much disgusted with Christie Devon asyou are.""Perhaps I ought to be, but I don't find that I am. Do you know Ithink that old Fletcher was a sneak54?" and David looked as if hewould rather like to mention his opinion to that gentleman.
"He probably thought he was doing his duty to the children: fewpeople would approve of an actress for a teacher you know. He hadseen me play, and remembered it all of a sudden, and told me of it:
that was the way it came about," said Christie hastily, feeling thatshe must get out of the scrape as soon as possible, or she would bedriven to tell every thing in justice to Mr. Fletcher.
"I should like to see you act.""You a Quaker, and express such a worldly and dreadful wish?" criedChristie, much amused, and very grateful that his thoughts had takena new direction.
"I'm not, and never have been. Mother married out of the sect55, and,though she keeps many of her old ways, always left me free tobelieve what I chose. I wear drab because I like it, and say 'thee'
to her because she likes it, and it is pleasant to have a littleword all our own. I've been to theatres, but I don't care much forthem. Perhaps I should if I'd had Fletcher's luck in seeing youplay.""You didn't lose much: I was not a good actress; though now and thenwhen I liked my part I did pretty well they said," answeredChristie, modestly.
"Why didn't you go back after the accident?" asked David, who hadheard that part of the story.
"I felt that it was bad for me, and so retired53 to private life.""Do you ever regret it?""Sometimes when the restless fit is on me: but not so often now as Iused to do; for on the whole I'd rather be a woman than act aqueen.""Good!" said David, and then added persuasively56: "But you will playfor me some time: won't you? I've a curious desire to see you doit.""Perhaps I'll try," replied Christie, flattered by his interest, andnot unwilling57 to display her little talent.
"Who are you making that for? it's very pretty," asked David, whoseemed to be in an inquiring frame of mind that day.
"Any one who wants it. I only do it for the pleasure: I always likedpretty things; but, since I have lived among flowers and naturalpeople, I seem to care more than ever for beauty of all kinds, andlove to make it if I can without stopping for any reason but thesatisfaction.""'Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing, "'Then beautyis its own excuse for being,'" observed David, who had a weaknessfor poetry, and, finding she liked his sort, quoted to Christiealmost as freely as to himself.
"Exactly, so look at that and enjoy it," and she pointed58 to thechild standing59 knee-deep in graceful60 ferns, looking as if she grewthere, a living buttercup, with her buff frock off at one plumpshoulder and her bright hair shining in the sun.
Before David could express his admiration61, the little picture wasspoilt; for Christie called out, "Come, Vic, bring me some morepretties!" startling baby so that she lost her balance, anddisappeared with a muffled62 cry, leaving nothing to be seen but apair of small convulsive shoes, soles uppermost, among the brakes.
David took a leap, reversed Vic, and then let her compose her littlefeelings by sticking bits of green in all the button-holes of hiscoat, as he sat on the wall while she stood beside him in the safeshelter of his arm.
"You are very like an Englishman," said Christie, after watching thepair for a few minutes.
"How do you know?" asked David, looking surprised.
"There were several in our company, and I found them very muchalike. Blunt and honest, domestic and kind; hard to get at, but trueas steel when once won; not so brilliant and original as Americans,perhaps, but more solid and steadfast63. On the whole, I think themthe manliest64 men in the world," answered Christie, in the decidedway young people have of expressing their opinions.
"You speak as if you had known and studied a great variety of men,"said David, feeling that he need not resent the comparison she hadmade.
"I have, and it has done me good. Women who stand alone in theworld, and have their own way to make, have a better chance to knowmen truly than those who sit safe at home and only see one side ofmankind. We lose something; but I think we gain a great deal that ismore valuable than admiration, flattery, and the superficial servicemost men give to our sex. Some one says, 'Companionship teaches menand women to know, judge, and treat one another justly.' I believeit; for we who are compelled to be fellow workers with menunderstand and value them more truly than many a belle65 who has adozen lovers sighing at her feet. I see their faults and follies;but I also see so much to honor, love, and trust, that I feel as ifthe world was full of brothers. Yes, as a general rule, men havebeen kinder to me than women; and if I wanted a staunch friend I'dchoose a man, for they wear better than women, who ask too much, andcannot see that friendship lasts longer if a little respect andreserve go with the love and confidence."Christie had spoken soberly, with no thought of flattery or effect;for the memory of many kindnesses bestowed67 on her by many men, fromrough Joe Butterfield to Mr. Power, gave warmth and emphasis to herwords.
The man sitting on the wall appreciated the compliment to his sex,and proved that he deserved his share of it by taking it exactly asshe meant it, and saying heartily68:
"I like that, Christie, and wish more women thought and spoke as youdo.""If they had had my experience they would, and not be ashamed of it.
I am so old now I can say these things and not be misjudged; foreven some sensible people think this honest sort of fellowshipimpossible if not improper69. I don't, and I never shall, so if I canever do any thing for you, David, forget that I am a woman and tellme as freely as if I was a younger brother.""I wish you were!""So do I; you'd make a splendid elder brother.""No, a very bad one."There was a sudden sharpness in David's voice that jarred onChristie's ear and made her look up quickly. She only caught aglimpse of his face, and saw that it was strangely troubled, as heswung himself over the wall with little Vic on his arm and wenttoward the house, saying abruptly70:
"Baby 's sleepy: she must go in."Christie sat some time longer, wondering what she had said todisturb him, and when the bell rang went in still perplexed71. ButDavid looked as usual, and the only trace of disquiet72 was anoccasional hasty shaking back of the troublesome lock, and a slightknitting of the brows; two tokens, as she had learned to know, ofimpatience or pain.
She was soon so absorbed in feeding the children, hungry andclamorous as young birds for their food, that she forgot every thingelse. When dinner was done and cleared away, she devoted73 herself toMrs. Wilkins for an hour or two, while Mrs. Sterling took her nap,the infants played riotously74 in the lane, and David was busy withorders.
The arrival of Mr. Power drew every one to the porch to welcome him.
As he handed Christie a book, he asked with a significant smile:
"Have you found him yet?"She glanced at the title of the new gift, read "Heroes andHero-worship," and answered merrily: "No, sir, but I'm lookinghard." "Success to your search," and Mr. Power turned to greetDavid, who approached.
"Now, what shall we play?" asked Christie, as the children gatheredabout her demanding to be amused.
George Washington suggested leap-frog, and the others added equallyimpracticable requests; but Mrs. Wilkins settled the matter bysaying:
"Let's have some play-actin', Christie. That used to tickle35 thechildren amazin'ly, and I was never tired of hearin' them pieces,specially the solemn ones.""Yes, yes! do the funny girl with the baby, and the old woman, andthe lady that took pison and had fits!" shouted the children,charmed with the idea.
Christie felt ready for any thing just then, and gave them TillySlowboy, Miss Miggs, and Mrs. Gummage, in her best style, while theyoung folks rolled on the grass in ecstasies75, and Mrs. Wilkinslaughed till she cried.
"Now a touch of tragedy!" said Mr. Power, who sat under the elm,with David leaning on the back of his chair, both applaudingheartily.
"You insatiable people! do you expect me to give you low comedy andheavy tragedy all alone? I'm equal to melodrama76 I think, and I'llgive you Miss St. Clair as Juliet, if you wait a moment."Christie stepped into the house, and soon reappeared with a whitetable-cloth draped about her, two dishevelled locks of hair on hershoulders, and the vinegar cruet in her hand, that being the firstbottle she could find. She meant to burlesque77 the poison scene, andbegan in the usual ranting78 way; but she soon forgot St. Clair inpoor Juliet, and did it as she had often longed to do it, with allthe power and passion she possessed79. Very faulty was her rendering,but the earnestness she put into it made it most effective to heruncritical audience, who "brought down the house," when she fellupon the grass with her best stage drop, and lay there getting herbreath after the mouthful of vinegar she had taken in the excitementof the moment.
She was up again directly, and, inspired by this superb success, ranin and presently reappeared as Lady Macbeth with Mrs. Wilkins'sscarlet shawl for royal robes, and the leafy chaplet of the morningfor a crown. She took the stage with some difficulty, for theunevenness of the turf impaired80 the majesty81 of her tragic82 stride,and fixing her eyes on an invisible Thane (who cut his partshamefully, and spoke in the gruffest of gruff voices) she gave themthe dagger84 scene.
David as the orchestra, had been performing a drum solo on the backof a chair with two of the corn-cobs Victoria had been buildinghouses with; but, when Lady Macbeth said, "Give me the daggers,"Christie plucked the cobs suddenly from his hands, looking sofiercely scornful, and lowering upon him so wrathfully with hercorked brows that he ejaculated an involuntary, "Bless me!" as hestepped back quite daunted85.
Being in the spirit of her part, Christie closed with thesleep-walking scene, using the table-cloth again, while a towelcomposed the tragic nightcap of her ladyship. This was an imitation,and having a fine model and being a good mimic86, she did well; forthe children sat staring with round eyes, the gentlemen watched thewoful face and gestures intently, and Mrs. Wilkins took a longbreath at the end, exclaiming: "I never did see the beat of that forgastliness! My sister Clarissy used to walk in her sleep, but shewarn't half so kind of dreadful.""If she had had the murder of a few friends on her conscience, Idare say she would have been," said Christie, going in to makeherself tidy.
"Well, how do you like her as an actress?" asked Mr. Power of David,who stood looking, as if he still saw and heard the haunted lady.
"Very much; but better as a woman. I'd no idea she had it in her,"answered David, in a wonder-stricken tone.
"Plenty of tragedy and comedy in all of us," began Mr. Power; butDavid said hastily:
"Yes, but few of us have passion and imagination enough to actShakspeare in that way.""Very true: Christie herself could not give a whole character inthat style, and would not think of trying.""I think she could; and I'd like to see her try it," said David,much impressed by the dramatic ability which Christie's usualquietude had most effectually hidden.
He was still thinking about it, when she came out again. Mr. Powerbeckoned to her; saying, as she came and stood before him, flushedand kindled87 with her efforts:
"Now, you must give me a bit from the 'Merchant of Venice.' Portiais a favorite character of mine, and I want to see if you can do anything with it.""No, sir, I cannot. I used to study it, but it was too sober to suitme. I am not a judicial88 woman, so I gave it up," answered Christie,much flattered by his request, and amused at the respectful way inwhich David looked at her. Then, as if it just occurred to her, sheadded, "I remember one little speech that I can say to you, sir,with great truth, and I will, since you like that play."Still standing before him, she bent her head a little, and with agraceful gesture of the hands, as if offering something, shedelivered with heartfelt emphasis the first part of Portia's prettyspeech to her fortunate suitor:
"You see me, Lord Bassanio, where I stand,Such as I am: though, for myself alone,I would not be ambitious in my wish,To wish myself much better; yet for you,I would be trebled twenty times myself;A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times more rich;That, only to stand high in your account,I might in virtues89, beauties, livings, friends,Exceed account: but the full sum of meIs sum of something; which, to term in gross,Is an unlesson'd girl, unschool'd, unpractis'd:--Happy in this, she is not yet so oldBut she may learn; happier than this,She is not bred so dull but she can learn;Happiest of all, is that her willing spiritCommits itself to yours to be directed,As from her lord, her governor, her king."David applauded vigorously; but Mr. Power rose silently, lookingboth touched and surprised; and, drawing Christie's hand through hisarm, led her away into the garden for one of the quiet talks thatwere so much to her.
When they returned, the Wilkinses were preparing to depart; and,after repeated leave-takings, finally got under way, were packedinto the omnibus, and rumbled90 off with hats, hands, andhandkerchiefs waving from every window. Mr. Power soon followed, andpeace returned to the little house in the lane.
Later in the evening, when Mrs. Sterling was engaged with aneighbor, who had come to confide66 some affliction to the good lady,Christie went into the porch, and found David sitting on the step,enjoying the mellow91 moonlight and the balmy air. As he did notspeak, she sat down silently, folded her hands in her lap, and beganto enjoy the beauty of the night in her own way. Presently shebecame conscious that David's eyes had turned from the moon to herown face. He sat in the shade, she in the light, and he was lookingat her with the new expression which amused her.
"Well, what is it? You look as if you never saw me before," shesaid, smiling.
"I feel as if I never had," he answered, still regarding her as ifshe had been a picture.
"What do I look like?""A peaceful, pious92 nun19, just now.""Oh! that is owing to my pretty shawl. I put it on in honor of theday, though it is a trifle warm, I confess." And Christie strokedthe soft folds about her shoulders, and settled the corner that laylightly on her hair. "I do feel peaceful to-night, but not pious. Iam afraid I never shall do that," she added soberly.
"Why not?""Well, it does not seem to be my nature, and I don't know how tochange it. I want something to keep me steady, but I can't find it.
So I whiffle about this way and that, and sometimes think I am amost degenerate93 creature.""That is only human nature, so don't be troubled. We are allcompasses pointing due north. We get shaken often, and the needlevaries in spite of us; but the minute we are quiet, it points right,and we have only to follow it.""The keeping quiet is just what I cannot do. Tour mother shows mehow lovely it is, and I try to imitate it; but this restless soul ofmine will ask questions and doubt and fear, and worry me in manyways. What shall I do to keep it still?" asked Christie, smiling,yet earnest.
"Let it alone: you cannot force these things, and the best way is towait till the attraction is strong enough to keep the needle steady.
Some people get their ballast slowly, some don't need much, and somehave to work hard for theirs.""Did you?" asked Christie; for David's voice fell a little, as heuttered the last words.
"I have not got much yet.""I think you have. Why, David, you are always cheerful andcontented, good and generous. If that is not true piety95, what is?""You are very much deceived, and I am sorry for it," said David,with the impatient gesture of the head, and a troubled look.
"Prove it!" And Christie looked at him with such sincere respect andregard, that his honest nature would not let him accept it, thoughit gratified him much.
He made no answer for a minute. Then he said slowly, as if feeling amodest man's hesitation96 to speak of himself, yet urged to it by someirresistible impulse:
"I will prove it if you won't mind the unavoidable egotism; for Icannot let you think me so much better than I am. Outwardly I seemto you 'cheerful, contented94, generous, and good.' In reality I amsad, dissatisfied, bad, and selfish: see if I'm not. I often tire ofthis quiet life, hate my work, and long to break away, and follow myown wild and wilful97 impulses, no matter where they lead. Nothingkeeps me at such times but my mother and God's patience."David began quietly; but the latter part of this confession98 was madewith a sudden impetuosity that startled Christie, so utterly99 unlikehis usual self-control was it. She could only look at him with thesurprise she felt. His face was in the shadow; but she saw that itwas flushed, his eyes excited, and in his voice she heard anundertone that made it sternly self-accusing.
"I am not a hypocrite," he went on rapidly, as if driven to speak inspite of himself. "I try to be what I seem, but it is too hardsometimes and I despair. Especially hard is it to feel that I havelearned to feign100 happiness so well that others are entirelydeceived. Mr. Power and mother know me as I am: other friends I havenot, unless you will let me call you one. Whether you do or notafter this, I respect you too much to let you delude101 yourself aboutmy virtues, so I tell you the truth and abide102 the consequences."He looked up at her as he paused, with a curious mixture of prideand humility103 in his face, and squared his broad shoulders as if hehad thrown off a burden that had much oppressed him.
Christie offered him her hand, saying in a tone that did his heartgood: "The consequences are that I respect, admire, and trust youmore than ever, and feel proud to be your friend."David gave the hand a strong and grateful pressure, said, "Thankyou," in a moved tone, and then leaned back into the shadow, as iftrying to recover from this unusual burst of confidence, won fromhim by the soft magic of time, place, and companionship.
Fearing he would regret the glimpse he had given her, and anxious toshow how much she liked it, Christie talked on to give him time toregain composure.
"I always thought in reading the lives of saints or good men of anytime, that their struggles were the most interesting and helpfulthings recorded. Human imperfection only seems to make real pietymore possible, and to me more beautiful; for where others haveconquered I can conquer, having suffered as they suffer, and seentheir hard-won success. That is the sort of religion I want;something to hold by, live in, and enjoy, if I can only get it.""I know you will." He said it heartily, and seemed quite calm again;so Christie obeyed the instinct which told her that questions wouldbe good for David, and that he was in the mood for answering them.
"May I ask you something," she began a little timidly. "Any thing,Christie," he answered instantly. "That is a rash promise: I am awoman, and therefore curious; what shall you do if I take advantageof the privilege?" "Try and see.""I will be discreet104, and only ask one thing," she replied, charmedwith her success. "You said just now that you had learned to feignhappiness. I wish you would tell me how you do it, for it is such anexcellent imitation I shall be quite content with it till I canlearn the genuine thing."David fingered the troublesome forelock thoughtfully for a moment,then said, with something of the former impetuosity coming back intohis voice and manner:
"I will tell you all about it; that's the best way: I know I shallsome day because I can't help it; so I may as well have done with itnow, since I have begun. It is not interesting, mind you,--only agrim little history of one man's fight with the world, the flesh,and the devil: will you have it?""Oh, yes!" answered Christie, so eagerly that David laughed, inspite of the bitter memories stirring at his heart.
"So like a woman, always ready to hear and forgive sinners," hesaid, then took a long breath, and added rapidly:
"I'll put it in as few words as possible and much good may it doyou. Some years ago I was desperately105 miserable106; never mind why: Idare say I shall tell you all about it some day if I go on at thisrate. Well, being miserable, as I say, every thing looked black andbad to me: I hated all men, distrusted all women, doubted theexistence of God, and was a forlorn wretch107 generally. Why I did notgo to the devil I can't say: I did start once or twice; but thethought of that dear old woman in there sitting all alone andwaiting for me dragged me back, and kept me here till the firstrecklessness was over. People talk about duty being sweet; I havenot found it so, but there it was: I should have been a brute108 toshirk it; so I took it up, and held on desperately till it grewbearable.""It has grovn sweet now, David, I am sure," said Christie, very low.
"No, not yet," he answered with the stern honesty that would not lethim deceive himself or others, cost what it might to be true. "Thereis a certain solid satisfaction in it that I did not use to find. Itis not a mere109 dogged persistence110 now, as it once was, and that is astep towards loving it perhaps."He spoke half to himself, and sat leaning his head on both handspropped on his knees, looking down as if the weight of the oldtrouble bent his shoulders again.
"What more, David?" said Christie.
"Only this. When I found I had got to live, and live manfully, Isaid to myself, 'I must have help or I cannot do it.' To no livingsoul could I tell my grief, not even to my mother, for she had herown to bear: no human being could help me, yet I must have help orgive up shamefully83. Then I did what others do when all else fails tosustain them; I turned to God: not humbly111, not devoutly112 ortrustfully, but doubtfully, bitterly, and rebelliously113; for I saidin my despairing heart, 'If there is a God, let Him help me, and Iwill believe.' He did help me, and I kept my word.""Oh, David, how?" whispered Christie after a moment's silence, forthe last words were solemn in their earnestness.
"The help did not come at once. No miracle answered me, and Ithought my cry had not been heard. But it had, and slowly somethinglike submission114 came to me. It was not cheerful nor pious: it wasonly a dumb, sad sort of patience without hope or faith. It wasbetter than desperation; so I accepted it, and bore the inevitableas well as I could. Presently, courage seemed to spring up again: Iwas ashamed to be beaten in the first battle, and some sort of blindinstinct made me long to break away from the past and begin again.
My father was dead; mother left all to me, and followed where I led.
I sold the old place, bought this, and, shutting out the world asmuch as I could, I fell to work as if my life depended on it. Thatwas five or six years ago: and for a long time I delved115 away withoutinterest or pleasure, merely as a safety-valve for my energies, anda means of living; for I gave up all my earlier hopes and plans whenthe trouble came.
"I did not love my work; but it was good for me, and helped cure mysick soul. I never guessed why I felt better, but dug on withindifference first, then felt pride in my garden, then interest inthe plants I tended, and by and by I saw what they had done for me,and loved them like true friends."A broad woodbine leaf had been fluttering against David's head, ashe leaned on the slender pillar of the porch where it grew. Now, asif involuntarily, he laid his cheek against it with a caressinggesture, and sat looking over the garden lying dewy and still in themoonlight, with the grateful look of a man who has learned thehealing miracles of Nature and how near she is to God.
"So much! I never can tell you what he was to me, nor how I thankhim. To him, and to my work I owe the little I have won in the wayof strength and comfort after years of effort. I see now thecompensation that comes out of trouble, the lovely possibilitiesthat exist for all of us, and the infinite patience of God, which isto me one of the greatest of His divine attributes. I have only gotso far, but things grow easier as one goes on; and if I keep tuggingI may yet be the cheerful, contented man I seem. That is all,Christie, and a longer story than I meant to tell.""Not long enough: some time you will tell me more perhaps, since youhave once begun. It seems quite natural now, and I am so pleased andhonored by your confidence. But I cannot help wondering what madeyou do it all at once," said Christie presently, after they hadlistened to a whippoorwill, and watched the flight of a downy owl25.
"I do not think I quite know myself, unless it was because I havebeen on my good behavior since you came, and, being a humbug117, as Itell you, was forced to unmask in spite of myself. There are limitsto human endurance, and the proudest man longs to unpack118 his woesbefore a sympathizing friend now and then. I have been longing to dothis for some time; but I never like to disturb mother's peace, ortake Mr. Power from those who need him more. So to-day, when you sosweetly offered to help me if you could, it quite went to my heart,and seemed so friendly and comfortable, I could not resist trying ittonight, when you began about my imaginary virtues. That is thetruth, I believe: now, what shall we do about it?""Just go on, and do it again whenever you feel like it. I know whatloneliness is, and how telling worries often cures them. I meantevery word I said this morning, and will prove it by doing any thingin the world I can for you. Believe this, and let me be yourfriend."They had risen, as a stir within told them the guest was going; andas Christie spoke she was looking up with the moonlight full uponher face.
If there had been any hidden purpose in her mind, any falsesentiment, or trace of coquetry in her manner, it would have spoiledthat hearty little speech of hers.
But in her heart was nothing but a sincere desire to prove gratitudeand offer sympathy; in her manner the gentle frankness of a womanspeaking to a brother; and in her face the earnestness of one whofelt the value of friendship, and did not ask or give it lightly.
"I will," was David's emphatic120 answer, and then, as if to seal thebargain, he stooped down, and gravely kissed her on the forehead.
Christie was a little startled, but neither offended nor confused;for there was no love in that quiet kiss,--only respect, affection,and much gratitude119; an involuntary demonstration121 from the lonely manto the true-hearted woman who had dared to come and comfort him.
Out trotted122 neighbor Miller123, and that was the end of confidences inthe porch; but David played melodiously124 on his flute125 that night, andChristie fell asleep saying happily to herself:
"Now we are all right, friends for ever, and every thing will gobeautifully."
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1
sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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2
benediction
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| n.祝福；恩赐 | |
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bouquet
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| n.花束，酒香 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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conspirators
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| n.共谋者，阴谋家( conspirator的名词复数 ) | |
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exult
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| v.狂喜，欢腾；欢欣鼓舞 | |
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7
prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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8
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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9
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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10
blithe
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| adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的 | |
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11
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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12
disclaiming
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| v.否认( disclaim的现在分词 ) | |
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13
variegated
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| adj.斑驳的，杂色的 | |
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14
tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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15
crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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16
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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18
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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nun
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| n.修女，尼姑 | |
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20
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
reverent
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| adj.恭敬的，虔诚的 | |
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22
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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24
hymn
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| n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌 | |
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25
owl
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| n.猫头鹰，枭 | |
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26
rumble
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| n.隆隆声；吵嚷；v.隆隆响；低沉地说 | |
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27
whooping
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| 发嗬嗬声的，发咳声的 | |
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28
brandished
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| v.挥舞( brandish的过去式和过去分词 )；炫耀 | |
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joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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30
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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31
chubby
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| adj.丰满的，圆胖的 | |
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32
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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34
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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tickle
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| v.搔痒，胳肢；使高兴；发痒；n.搔痒，发痒 | |
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36
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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37
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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38
revels
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| n.作乐( revel的名词复数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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39
effervesced
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| v.冒气泡，起泡沫( effervesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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41
ravages
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| 劫掠后的残迹，破坏的结果，毁坏后的残迹 | |
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42
raptures
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| 极度欢喜( rapture的名词复数 ) | |
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43
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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44
devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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45
unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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46
gambol
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| v.欢呼，雀跃 | |
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47
rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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48
ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49
uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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50
invalids
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| 病人，残疾者( invalid的名词复数 ) | |
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51
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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52
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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53
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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54
sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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55
sect
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| n.派别，宗教，学派，派系 | |
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56
persuasively
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| adv.口才好地；令人信服地 | |
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57
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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58
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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59
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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60
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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61
admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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62
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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63
steadfast
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| adj.固定的，不变的，不动摇的；忠实的；坚贞不移的 | |
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64
manliest
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| manly（有男子气概的）的最高级形式 | |
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65
belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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66
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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67
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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68
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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69
improper
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| adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的 | |
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70
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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71
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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72
disquiet
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| n.担心，焦虑 | |
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73
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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74
riotously
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| adv.骚动地，暴乱地 | |
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75
ecstasies
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| 狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药 | |
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76
melodrama
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| n.音乐剧；情节剧 | |
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77
burlesque
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| v.嘲弄，戏仿；n.嘲弄，取笑，滑稽模仿 | |
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78
ranting
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| v.夸夸其谈( rant的现在分词 )；大叫大嚷地以…说教；气愤地)大叫大嚷；不停地大声抱怨 | |
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79
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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80
impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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81
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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82
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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83
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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84
dagger
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| n.匕首，短剑，剑号 | |
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85
daunted
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| 使（某人）气馁，威吓( daunt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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86
mimic
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| v.模仿，戏弄；n.模仿他人言行的人 | |
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87
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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88
judicial
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| adj.司法的，法庭的，审判的，明断的，公正的 | |
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89
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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90
rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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91
mellow
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| adj.柔和的；熟透的；v.变柔和；(使)成熟 | |
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92
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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93
degenerate
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| v.退步，堕落；adj.退步的，堕落的；n.堕落者 | |
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94
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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95
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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96
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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97
wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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98
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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feign
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| vt.假装，佯作 | |
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delude
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| vt.欺骗；哄骗 | |
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102
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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103
humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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persistence
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| n.坚持，持续，存留 | |
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111
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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112
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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rebelliously
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| adv.造反地，难以控制地 | |
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114
submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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delved
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| v.深入探究，钻研( delve的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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118
unpack
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| vt.打开包裹（或行李），卸货 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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120
emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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melodiously
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flute
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| n.长笛；v.吹笛 | |
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