Chapter 19 I Become A Blighted Being

 When a young boy gets to be an old boy, when the hair is growing rather thin on the top of the old boy's head, and he has been tamed sufficiently¹ to take a sort of chastened pleasure in allowing the baby to play with his watch-seals--when, I say, an old boy has reached this stage in the journey of life, he is sometimes apt to indulge in sportive remarks concerning his first love.

 

Now, though I bless my stars that it wasn't in my power to marry Miss Nelly, I am not going to deny my boyish regard for her nor laugh at it. As long as it lasted it was a very sincere and unselfish love, and rendered me proportionately wretched. I say as long as it lasted, for one's first love doesn't last forever.

 

I am ready, however, to laugh at the amusing figure I cut after I had really ceased to have any deep feeling in the matter. It was then I took it into my head to be a Blighted² Being. This was about two weeks after the spectral³ appearance of Mr. Waldron.

 

For a boy of a naturally vivacious⁴ disposition⁵ the part of a blighted being presented difficulties. I had an excellent appetite, I liked society, I liked out-of-door sports, I was fond of handsome clothes. Now all these things were incompatible⁶ with the doleful character I was to assume, and I proceeded to cast them from me. I neglected my hair. I avoided my playmates. I frowned abstractedly. I didn't eat as much as was good for me. I took lonely walks. I brooded in solitude⁷. I not only committed to memory the more turgid poems of the late Lord Byron--"Fare thee well, and if forever," &c.--but I became a despondent⁸ poet on my own account, and composed a string of "Stanzas⁹ to One who will understand them." I think I was a trifle too hopeful on that point; for I came across the verses several years afterwards, and was quite unable to understand them myself.

 

It was a great comfort to be so perfectly¹⁰ miserable¹¹ and yet not suffer any. I used to look in the glass and gloat over the amount and variety of mournful expression I could throw into my features. If I caught myself smiling at anything, I cut the smile short with a sigh. The oddest thing about all this is, I never once suspected that I was not unhappy. No one, not even Pepper Whitcomb, was more deceived than I.

 

Among the minor¹² pleasures of being blighted were the interest and perplexity I excited in the simple souls that were thrown in daily contact with me. Pepper especially. I nearly drove him into a corresponding state of mind.

 

I had from time to time given Pepper slight but impressive hints of my admiration¹³ for Some One (this was in the early part of Miss Glentworth's visit); I had also led him to infer that my admiration was not altogether in vain. He was therefore unable to explain the cause of my strange behavior, for I had carefully refrained from mentioning to Pepper the fact that Some One had turned out to be Another's.

 

I treated Pepper shabbily. I couldn't resist playing on his tenderer feelings. He was a boy bubbling over with sympathy for anyone in any kind of trouble. Our intimacy¹⁴ since Binny Wallace's death had been uninterrupted; but now I moved in a sphere apart, not to be profaned¹⁵ by the step of an outsider.

 

I no longer joined the boys on the playground at recess¹⁶. I stayed at my desk reading some lugubrious¹⁷ volume--usually The Mysteries of Udolpho, by the amiable¹⁸ Mrs. Radcliffe. A translation of The Sorrows of Werter fell into my hands at this period, and if I could have committed suicide without killing¹⁹ myself, I should certainly have done so.

 

On half-holidays, instead of fraternizing with Pepper and the rest of our clique²⁰, I would wander off alone to Grave Point.

 

Grave Point--the place where Binny Wallace's body came ashore--was a narrow strip of land running out into the river. A line of Lombardy poplars, stiff and severe, like a row of grenadiers, mounted guard on the water-side. On the extreme end of the peninsula was an old disused graveyard²¹, tenanted principally by the early settlers who had been scalped by the Indians. In a remote corner of the cemetery²², set apart from the other mounds²³, was the grave of a woman who had been hanged in the old colonial times for the murder of her infant. Goodwife Polly Haines had denied the crime to the last, and after her death there had arisen strong doubts as to her actual guilt²⁴. It was a belief current among the lads of the town, that if you went to this grave at nightfall on the 10th of November--the anniversary of her execution--and asked, "For what did the magistrates²⁵ hang you?" a voice would reply, "Nothing."

 

Many a Rivermouth boy has tremblingly put this question in the dark, and, sure enough, Polly Haines invariably answered nothing!

 

A low red-brick wall, broken down in many places and frosted over with silvery moss²⁶, surrounded this burial-ground of our Pilgrim Fathers and their immediate²⁷ descendants. The latest date on any of the headstones was 1780. A crop of very funny epitaphs sprung up here and there among the overgrown thistles and burdocks, and almost every tablet had a death's-head with cross-bones engraved²⁸ upon it, or else a puffy round face with a pair of wings stretching out from the ears, like this:

 

 

Cherub²⁹ Graphic³⁰

 

 

These mortuary emblems³¹ furnished me with congenial food for reflection. I used to lie in the long grass, and speculate on the advantages and disadvantages of being a cherub.

 

I forget what I thought the advantages were, but I remember distinctly of getting into an inextricable tangle³² on two points: How could a cherub, being all head and wings, manage to sit down when he was tired? To have to sit down on the back of his head struck me as an awkward alternative. Again: Where did a cherub carry those indispensable articles (such as jack-knives, marbles, and pieces of twine) which boys in an earthly state of existence usually stow away in their trousers-pockets?

 

These were knotty³³ questions, and I was never able to dispose of them satisfactorily.

 

Meanwhile Pepper Whitcomb would scour³⁴ the whole town in search of me. He finally discovered my retreat, and dropped in on me abruptly³⁵ one afternoon, while I was deep in the cherub problem.

 

"Look here, Tom Bailey!" said Pepper, shying a piece of clam-shell indignantly at the file jacet on a neighboring gravestone. "You are just going to the dogs! Can't you tell a fellow what in thunder ails³⁶ you, instead of prowling round among the tombs like a jolly old vampire³⁷?"

 

"Pepper," I replied, solemnly, "don't ask me. All is not well here"--touching my breast mysteriously. If I had touched my head instead, I should have been nearer the mark.

 

Pepper stared at me.

 

"Earthly happiness," I continued, "is a delusion³⁸ and a snare³⁹. You will never be happy, Pepper, until you are a cherub."

 

Pepper, by the by, would have made an excellent cherub, he was so chubby⁴⁰. Having delivered myself of these gloomy remarks, I arose languidly from the grass and moved away, leaving Pepper staring after me in mute astonishment⁴¹. I was Hamlet and Werter and the late Lord Byron all in one.

 

You will ask what my purpose was in cultivating this factitious despondency. None whatever. Blighted beings never have any purpose in life excepting to be as blighted as possible.

 

Of course my present line of business could not long escape the eye of Captain Nutter⁴². I don't know if the Captain suspected my attachment⁴³ for Miss Glentworth. He never alluded⁴⁴ to it; but he watched me. Miss Abigail watched me, Kitty Collins watched me, and Sailor Ben watched me.

 

"I can't make out his signals," I overheard the Admiral remark to my grandfather one day. "I hope he ain't got no kind of sickness aboard."

 

There was something singularly agreeable in being an object of so great interest. Sometimes I had all I could do to preserve my dejected aspect, it was so pleasant to be miserable. I incline to the opinion that people who are melancholy⁴⁵ without any particular reason, such as poets, artists, and young musicians with long hair, have rather an enviable time of it. In a quiet way I never enjoyed myself better in my life than when I was a Blighted Being.

1 sufficiently   

adv.足够地，充分地

参考例句：

• It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。
• The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。

2 blighted   

adj.枯萎的，摧毁的

参考例句：

• Blighted stems often canker.有病的茎往往溃烂。
• She threw away a blighted rose.她把枯萎的玫瑰花扔掉了。

3 spectral   

adj.幽灵的，鬼魂的

参考例句：

• At times he seems rather ordinary.At other times ethereal,perhaps even spectral.有时他好像很正常，有时又难以捉摸，甚至像个幽灵。
• She is compelling,spectral fascinating,an unforgettably unique performer.她极具吸引力，清幽如鬼魅，令人着迷，令人难忘，是个独具特色的演员。

4 vivacious   

adj.活泼的，快活的

参考例句：

• She is an artless,vivacious girl.她是一个天真活泼的女孩。
• The picture has a vivacious artistic conception.这幅画气韵生动。

5 disposition   

n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署

参考例句：

• He has made a good disposition of his property.他已对财产作了妥善处理。
• He has a cheerful disposition.他性情开朗。

6 incompatible   

adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的

参考例句：

• His plan is incompatible with my intent.他的计划与我的意图不相符。
• Speed and safety are not necessarily incompatible.速度和安全未必不相容。

7 solitude   

n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方

参考例句：

• People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
• They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。

8 despondent   

adj.失望的，沮丧的，泄气的

参考例句：

• He was up for a time and then，without warning,despondent again.他一度兴高采烈，但忽然又情绪低落下来。
• I feel despondent when my work is rejected.作品被拒后我感到很沮丧。

9 stanzas   

节，段( stanza的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The poem has six stanzas. 这首诗有六小节。
• Stanzas are different from each other in one poem. 诗中节与节差异颇大。

10 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

11 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

12 minor   

adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修

参考例句：

• The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
• I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。

13 admiration   

n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕

参考例句：

• He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
• We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。

14 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

15 profaned   

v.不敬( profane的过去式和过去分词 )；亵渎，玷污

参考例句：

• They have profaned the long upheld traditions of the church. 他们亵渎了教会长期沿袭的传统。 来自辞典例句
• Their behaviour profaned the holy place. 他们的行为玷污了这处圣地。 来自辞典例句

16 recess   

n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处）

参考例句：

• The chairman of the meeting announced a ten-minute recess.会议主席宣布休会10分钟。
• Parliament was hastily recalled from recess.休会的议员被匆匆召回开会。

17 lugubrious   

adj.悲哀的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• That long,lugubrious howl rose on the night air again!夜空中又传来了那又长又凄凉的狗叫声。
• After the earthquake,the city is full of lugubrious faces.地震之后，这个城市满是悲哀的面孔。

18 amiable   

adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的

参考例句：

• She was a very kind and amiable old woman.她是个善良和气的老太太。
• We have a very amiable companionship.我们之间存在一种友好的关系。

19 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

20 clique   

n.朋党派系，小集团

参考例句：

• The reactionary ruling clique was torn by internal strife.反动统治集团内部勾心斗角，四分五裂。
• If the renegade clique of that country were in power,it would have meant serious disaster for the people.如果那个国家的叛徒集团一得势，人民就要遭殃。

21 graveyard   

n.坟场

参考例句：

• All the town was drifting toward the graveyard.全镇的人都象流水似地向那坟场涌过去。
• Living next to a graveyard would give me the creeps.居住在墓地旁边会使我毛骨悚然。

22 cemetery   

n.坟墓，墓地，坟场

参考例句：

• He was buried in the cemetery.他被葬在公墓。
• His remains were interred in the cemetery.他的遗体葬在墓地。

23 mounds   

土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆

参考例句：

• We had mounds of tasteless rice. 我们有成堆成堆的淡而无味的米饭。
• Ah! and there's the cemetery' - cemetery, he must have meant. 'You see the mounds? 啊，这就是同墓，”——我想他要说的一定是公墓，“看到那些土墩了吗？

24 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

25 magistrates   

地方法官，治安官( magistrate的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• to come up before the magistrates 在地方法院出庭
• He was summoned to appear before the magistrates. 他被传唤在地方法院出庭。

26 moss   

n.苔，藓，地衣

参考例句：

• Moss grows on a rock.苔藓生在石头上。
• He was found asleep on a pillow of leaves and moss.有人看见他枕着树叶和苔藓睡着了。

27 immediate   

adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的

参考例句：

• His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
• We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。

28 engraved   

v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中）

参考例句：

• The silver cup was engraved with his name. 银杯上刻有他的名字。
• It was prettily engraved with flowers on the back. 此件雕刻精美，背面有花饰图案。 来自《简明英汉词典》

29 cherub   

n.小天使，胖娃娃

参考例句：

• It was easy to see why the cartoonists regularly portrayed him as a malign cherub.难怪漫画家总是把他画成一个邪恶的小天使。
• The cherub in the painting is very lovely.这幅画中的小天使非常可爱。

30 graphic   

adj.生动的，形象的，绘画的，文字的，图表的

参考例句：

• The book gave a graphic description of the war.这本书生动地描述了战争的情况。
• Distinguish important text items in lists with graphic icons.用图标来区分重要的文本项。

31 emblems   

n.象征，标记( emblem的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• His emblems are the spear and the burning torch. 他佩带的徽记是长矛和燃烧着的火炬。 来自辞典例句
• Crystal prize, Crystal gift, Crystal trophy, Champion cup, Emblems. 水晶奖牌、水晶礼品、水晶纪念品、奖杯、金属奖牌。 来自互联网

32 tangle   

n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱

参考例句：

• I shouldn't tangle with Peter.He is bigger than me.我不应该与彼特吵架。他的块头比我大。
• If I were you, I wouldn't tangle with them.我要是你，我就不跟他们争吵。

33 knotty   

adj.有结的，多节的，多瘤的，棘手的

参考例句：

• Under his leadership,many knotty problems were smoothly solved.在他的领导下，许多伤脑筋的问题都迎刃而解。
• She met with a lot of knotty problems.她碰上了许多棘手的问题。

34 scour   

v.搜索；擦，洗，腹泻，冲刷

参考例句：

• Mother made me scour the family silver.母亲让我擦洗家里的银器。
• We scoured the telephone directory for clues.我们仔细查阅电话簿以寻找线索。

35 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

36 ails   

v.生病( ail的第三人称单数 )；感到不舒服；处境困难；境况不佳

参考例句：

• He will not concede what anything ails his business. 他不允许任何事情来干扰他的工作。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Measles ails the little girl. 麻疹折磨着这个小女孩。 来自《简明英汉词典》

37 vampire   

n.吸血鬼

参考例句：

• It wasn't a wife waiting there for him but a blood sucking vampire!家里的不是个老婆，而是个吸人血的妖精！
• Children were afraid to go to sleep at night because of the many legends of vampire.由于听过许多有关吸血鬼的传说，孩子们晚上不敢去睡觉。

38 delusion   

n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑

参考例句：

• He is under the delusion that he is Napoleon.他患了妄想症，认为自己是拿破仑。
• I was under the delusion that he intended to marry me.我误认为他要娶我。

39 snare   

n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑

参考例句：

• I used to snare small birds such as sparrows.我曾常用罗网捕捉麻雀等小鸟。
• Most of the people realized that their scheme was simply a snare and a delusion.大多数人都认识到他们的诡计不过是一个骗人的圈套。

40 chubby   

adj.丰满的，圆胖的

参考例句：

• He is stocky though not chubby.他长得敦实，可并不发胖。
• The short and chubby gentleman over there is our new director.那个既矮又胖的绅士是我们的新主任。

41 astonishment   

n.惊奇，惊异

参考例句：

• They heard him give a loud shout of astonishment.他们听见他惊奇地大叫一声。
• I was filled with astonishment at her strange action.我对她的奇怪举动不胜惊异。

42 nutter   

n.疯子

参考例句：

• Don't call him nutter because it is such a bad term.别叫他“疯子”，这不是个好词。
• But it's awfully ruthless and cold-blooded for a nutter from the other side.但是对那边的疯子们来说，却也实在太冷血无情了。

43 attachment   

n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附

参考例句：

• She has a great attachment to her sister.她十分依恋她的姐姐。
• She's on attachment to the Ministry of Defense.她现在隶属于国防部。

44 alluded   

提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• In your remarks you alluded to a certain sinister design. 在你的谈话中，你提到了某个阴谋。
• She also alluded to her rival's past marital troubles. 她还影射了对手过去的婚姻问题。

45 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。