HOSTAGES TO MOMUS I

 I never got inside of the legitimate¹ line of graft² but once. But, one time, as I say, I reversed the decision of the revised statutes³ and undertook a thing that I'd have to apologize for even under the New Jersey⁴ trust laws.

 

Me and Caligula Polk, of Muskogee in the Creek⁵ Nation, was down in the Mexican State of Tamaulipas running a peripatetic⁶ lottery⁷ and monte game. Now, selling lottery tickets is a government graft in Mexico, just like selling forty-eight cents' worth of postage-stamps for forty-nine cents is over here. So Uncle Porfirio he instructs the rurales to attend to our case.

 

Rurales? They're a sort of country police; but don't draw any mental crayon portraits of the worthy⁸ constables⁹ with a tin star and a gray goatee. The rurales—well, if we'd mount our Supreme¹¹ Court on broncos, arm 'em with Winchesters, and start 'em out after John Doe et al. we'd have about the same thing.

 

When the rurales started for us we started for the States. They chased us as far as Matamoras. We hid in a brickyard; and that night we swum the Rio Grande, Caligula with a brick in each hand, absent-minded, which he drops upon the soil of Texas, forgetting he had 'em.

 

From there we emigrated to San Antone, and then over to New Orleans, where we took a rest. And in that town of cotton bales and other adjuncts to female beauty we made the acquaintance of drinks invented by the Creoles during the period of Louey Cans, in which they are still served at the side doors. The most I can remember of this town is that me and Caligula and a Frenchman named McCarty—wait a minute; Adolph McCarty—was trying to make the French Quarter pay up the back trading-stamps due on the Louisiana Purchase, when somebody hollers that the johndarms are coming. I have an insufficient¹² recollection of buying two yellow tickets through a window; and I seemed to see a man swing a lantern and say "All aboard!" I remembered no more, except that the train butcher was covering me and Caligula up with Augusta J. Evans's works and figs¹³.

 

When we become revised, we find that we have collided up against the State of Georgia at a spot hitherto unaccounted for in time tables except by an asterisk¹⁴, which means that trains stop every other Thursday on signal by tearing up a rail. We was waked up in a yellow pine hotel by the noise of flowers and the smell of birds. Yes, sir, for the wind was banging sunflowers as big as buggy wheels against the weatherboarding and the chicken coop was right under the window. Me and Caligula dressed and went down-stairs. The landlord was shelling peas on the front porch. He was six feet of chills and fever, and Hongkong in complexion¹⁵ though in other respects he seemed amenable¹⁶ in the exercise of his sentiments and features.

 

Caligula, who is a spokesman by birth, and a small man, though red-haired and impatient of painfulness of any kind, speaks up.

 

"Pardner," says he, "good-morning, and be darned to you. Would you mind telling us why we are at? We know the reason we are where, but can't exactly figure out on account of at what place."

 

"Well, gentlemen," says the landlord, "I reckoned you-all would be inquiring this morning. You-all dropped off of the nine-thirty train here last night; and you was right tight. Yes, you was right smart in liquor. I can inform you that you are now in the town of Mountain Valley, in the State of Georgia."

 

"On top of that," says Caligula, "don't say that we can't have anything to eat."

 

"Sit down, gentlemen," says the landlord, "and in twenty minutes I'll call you to the best breakfast you can get anywhere in town."

 

That breakfast turned out to be composed of fried bacon and a yellowish edifice¹⁷ that proved up something between pound cake and flexible sandstone. The landlord calls it corn pone¹⁸; and then he sets out a dish of the exaggerated breakfast food known as hominy; and so me and Caligula makes the acquaintance of the celebrated¹⁹ food that enabled every Johnny Reb to lick one and two-thirds Yankees for nearly four years at a stretch.

 

"The wonder to me is," says Caligula, "that Uncle Robert Lee's boys didn't chase the Grant and Sherman outfit²⁰ clear up into Hudson's Bay. It would have made me that mad to eat this truck they call mahogany!"

 

"Hog²¹ and hominy," I explains, "is the staple²² food of this section."

 

"Then," says Caligula, "they ought to keep it where it belongs. I thought this was a hotel and not a stable. Now, if we was in Muskogee at the St. Lucifer House, I'd show you some breakfast grub. Antelope²³ steaks and fried liver to begin on, and venison cutlets with chili²⁴ con¹⁰ carne and pineapple fritters, and then some sardines²⁵ and mixed pickles²⁶; and top it off with a can of yellow clings and a bottle of beer. You won't find a layout like that on the bill of affairs of any of your Eastern restauraws."

 

"Too lavish," says I. "I've traveled, and I'm unprejudiced. There'll never be a perfect breakfast eaten until some man grows arms long enough to stretch down to New Orleans for his coffee and over to Norfolk for his rolls, and reaches up to Vermont and digs a slice of butter out of a spring-house, and then turns over a beehive close to a white clover patch out in Indiana for the rest. Then he'd come pretty close to making a meal on the amber²⁷ that the gods eat on Mount Olympia."

 

"Too ephemeral," says Caligula. "I'd want ham and eggs, or rabbit stew²⁸, anyhow, for a chaser. What do you consider the most edifying²⁹ and casual in the way of a dinner?"

 

"I've been infatuated from time to time," I answers, "with fancy ramifications³⁰ of grub such as terrapins³¹, lobsters³², reed birds, jambolaya, and canvas-covered ducks; but after all there's nothing less displeasing³³ to me than a beefsteak smothered³⁴ in mushrooms on a balcony in sound of the Broadway streetcars, with a hand-organ playing down below, and the boys hollering extras about the latest suicide. For the wine, give me a reasonable Ponty Cany. And that's all, except a demi-tasse."

 

"Well," says Caligula, "I reckon in New York you get to be a conniseer; and when you go around with the demi-tasse you are naturally bound to buy 'em stylish³⁵ grub."

 

"It's a great town for epicures," says I. "You'd soon fall into their ways if you was there."

 

"I've heard it was," says Caligula. "But I reckon I wouldn't. I can polish my fingernails all they need myself."

1 legitimate   

adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法

参考例句：

• Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。
• That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。

2 graft   

n.移植，嫁接，艰苦工作，贪污；v.移植，嫁接

参考例句：

• I am having a skin graft on my arm soon.我马上就要接受手臂的皮肤移植手术。
• The minister became rich through graft.这位部长透过贪污受贿致富。

3 statutes   

成文法( statute的名词复数 )； 法令； 法规； 章程

参考例句：

• The numerous existing statutes are complicated and poorly coordinated. 目前繁多的法令既十分复杂又缺乏快调。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
• Each agency is also restricted by the particular statutes governing its activities. 各个机构的行为也受具体法令限制。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法

4 jersey   

n.运动衫

参考例句：

• He wears a cotton jersey when he plays football.他穿运动衫踢足球。
• They were dressed alike in blue jersey and knickers.他们穿着一致，都是蓝色的运动衫和灯笼短裤。

5 creek   

n.小溪，小河，小湾

参考例句：

• He sprang through the creek.他跳过小河。
• People sunbathe in the nude on the rocks above the creek.人们在露出小溪的岩石上裸体晒日光浴。

6 peripatetic   

adj.漫游的，逍遥派的，巡回的

参考例句：

• Her father was in the army and the family led a peripatetic existence.她父亲是军人，所以全家人随军过着一种流动的生活。
• Peripatetic music teachers visit the school regularly.兼职音乐教师定期到校授课。

7 lottery   

n.抽彩；碰运气的事，难于算计的事

参考例句：

• He won no less than ￡5000 in the lottery.他居然中了5000英镑的奖券。
• They thought themselves lucky in the lottery of life.他们认为自己是变幻莫测的人生中的幸运者。

8 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

9 constables   

n.警察( constable的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The constables made a desultory attempt to keep them away from the barn. 警察漫不经心地拦着不让他们靠近谷仓。 来自辞典例句
• There were also constables appointed to keep the peace. 城里也有被派来维持治安的基层警员。 来自互联网

10 con   

n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的

参考例句：

• We must be fair and consider the reason pro and con.我们必须公平考虑赞成和反对的理由。
• The motion is adopted non con.因无人投反对票，协议被通过。

11 supreme   

adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的

参考例句：

• It was the supreme moment in his life.那是他一生中最重要的时刻。
• He handed up the indictment to the supreme court.他把起诉书送交最高法院。

12 insufficient   

adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的

参考例句：

• There was insufficient evidence to convict him.没有足够证据给他定罪。
• In their day scientific knowledge was insufficient to settle the matter.在他们的时代，科学知识还不能足以解决这些问题。

13 figs   

figures 数字，图形，外形

参考例句：

• The effect of ring dyeing is shown in Figs 10 and 11. 环形染色的影响如图10和图11所示。
• The results in Figs. 4 and 5 show the excellent agreement between simulation and experiment. 图4和图5的结果都表明模拟和实验是相当吻合的。

14 asterisk   

n.星号，星标

参考例句：

• The asterisk refers the reader to a footnote.星号是让读者参看脚注。
• He added an asterisk to the first page.他在第一页上加了个星号。

15 complexion   

n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格

参考例句：

• Red does not suit with her complexion.红色与她的肤色不协调。
• Her resignation puts a different complexion on things.她一辞职局面就全变了。

16 amenable   

adj.经得起检验的；顺从的；对负有义务的

参考例句：

• His scientific discoveries are amenable to the laws of physics.他在科学上的发现经得起物理定律的检验。
• He is amenable to counsel.他这人听劝。

17 edifice   

n.宏伟的建筑物(如宫殿，教室)

参考例句：

• The American consulate was a magnificent edifice in the centre of Bordeaux.美国领事馆是位于波尔多市中心的一座宏伟的大厦。
• There is a huge Victorian edifice in the area.该地区有一幢维多利亚式的庞大建筑物。

18 pone   

n.玉米饼

参考例句：

• Give me another mite of that pone before you wrap it up.慢点包，让我再吃口玉米面包吧。
• He paused and gnawed the tough pone.他停下来，咬一了口硬面包。

19 celebrated   

adj.有名的，声誉卓著的

参考例句：

• He was soon one of the most celebrated young painters in England.不久他就成了英格兰最负盛名的年轻画家之一。
• The celebrated violinist was mobbed by the audience.观众团团围住了这位著名的小提琴演奏家。

20 outfit   

n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装

参考例句：

• Jenney bought a new outfit for her daughter's wedding.珍妮为参加女儿的婚礼买了一套新装。
• His father bought a ski outfit for him on his birthday.他父亲在他生日那天给他买了一套滑雪用具。

21 hog   

n.猪；馋嘴贪吃的人；vt.把…占为己有，独占

参考例句：

• He is greedy like a hog.他像猪一样贪婪。
• Drivers who hog the road leave no room for other cars.那些占着路面的驾驶员一点余地都不留给其他车辆。

22 staple   

n.主要产物，常用品，主要要素，原料，订书钉，钩环；adj.主要的，重要的；vt.分类

参考例句：

• Tea is the staple crop here.本地产品以茶叶为大宗。
• Potatoes are the staple of their diet.土豆是他们的主要食品。

23 antelope   

n.羚羊；羚羊皮

参考例句：

• Choosing the antelope shows that China wants a Green Olympics.选择藏羚羊表示中国需要绿色奥运。
• The tiger was dragging the antelope across the field.老虎拖着羚羊穿过原野。

24 chili   

n.辣椒

参考例句：

• He helped himself to another two small spoonfuls of chili oil.他自己下手又加了两小勺辣椒油。
• It has chocolate,chili,and other spices.有巧克力粉，辣椒，和其他的调味品。

25 sardines   

n. 沙丁鱼

参考例句：

• The young of some kinds of herring are canned as sardines. 有些种类的鲱鱼幼鱼可制成罐头。
• Sardines can be eaten fresh but are often preserved in tins. 沙丁鱼可以吃新鲜的，但常常是装听的。

26 pickles   

n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 )；处于困境；遇到麻烦；菜酱

参考例句：

• Most people eat pickles at breakfast. 大多数人早餐吃腌菜。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I want their pickles and wines, and that.' 我要他们的泡菜、美酒和所有其他东西。” 来自英汉文学 - 金银岛

27 amber   

n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的

参考例句：

• Would you like an amber necklace for your birthday?你过生日想要一条琥珀项链吗？
• This is a piece of little amber stones.这是一块小小的琥珀化石。

28 stew   

n.炖汤，焖，烦恼；v.炖汤，焖，忧虑

参考例句：

• The stew must be boiled up before serving.炖肉必须煮熟才能上桌。
• There's no need to get in a stew.没有必要烦恼。

29 edifying   

adj.有教训意味的，教训性的，有益的v.开导，启发( edify的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Young students are advised to read edifying books to improve their mind. 建议青年学生们读一些陶冶性情的书籍，以提高自己的心智。 来自辞典例句
• This edifying spectacle was the final event of the Governor's ball. 这个有启发性的表演便是省长的舞会的最后一个节目了。 来自辞典例句

30 ramifications   

n.结果，后果( ramification的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• These changes are bound to have widespread social ramifications. 这些变化注定会造成许多难以预料的社会后果。
• What are the ramifications of our decision to join the union? 我们决定加入工会会引起哪些后果呢？ 来自《简明英汉词典》

31 terrapins   

n.（北美的）淡水龟( terrapin的名词复数 )

参考例句：

32 lobsters   

龙虾( lobster的名词复数 )； 龙虾肉

参考例句：

• I have no idea about how to prepare those cuttlefish and lobsters. 我对如何烹调那些乌贼和龙虾毫无概念。
• She sold me a couple of live lobsters. 她卖了几只活龙虾给我。

33 displeasing   

不愉快的，令人发火的

参考例句：

• Such conduct is displeasing to your parents. 这种行为会使你的父母生气的。
• Omit no harsh line, smooth away no displeasing irregularity. 不能省略任何刺眼的纹路，不能掩饰任何讨厌的丑处。

34 smothered   

（使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制

参考例句：

• He smothered the baby with a pillow. 他用枕头把婴儿闷死了。
• The fire is smothered by ashes. 火被灰闷熄了。

35 stylish   

adj.流行的，时髦的；漂亮的，气派的

参考例句：

• He's a stylish dresser.他是个穿着很有格调的人。
• What stylish women are wearing in Paris will be worn by women all over the world.巴黎女性时装往往会引导世界时装潮流。