“Suppose people were to know.”
This continual feeling made her so incapable3 of reasoning that she did not even try to think of any means of avoiding the disgrace that she knew must ensue, which was irreparable and drawing nearer every day, and which was as sure as death itself. She got up every morning long before the others and persistently4 tried to look at her figure in a piece of broken looking-glass, before which she did her hair, as she was very anxious to know whether anybody would notice a change in her, and, during the day, she stopped working every few minutes to look at herself from top to toe, to see whether her apron5 did not look too short.
The months went on, and she scarcely spoke6 now, and when she was asked a question, did not appear to understand; but she had a frightened look, haggard eyes and trembling hands, which made her master say to her occasionally: “My poor girl, how stupid you have grown lately.”
In church she hid behind a pillar, and no longer ventured to go to confession7, as she feared to face the priest, to whom she attributed superhuman powers, which enabled him to read people's consciences; and at meal times the looks of her fellow servants almost made her faint with mental agony; and she was always fancying that she had been found out by the cowherd, a precocious8 and cunning little lad, whose bright eyes seemed always to be watching her.
One morning the postman brought her a letter, and as she had never received one in her life before she was so upset by it that she was obliged to sit down. Perhaps it was from him? But, as she could not read, she sat anxious and trembling with that piece of paper, covered with ink, in her hand. After a time, however, she put it into her pocket, as she did not venture to confide9 her secret to any one. She often stopped in her work to look at those lines written at regular intervals10, and which terminated in a signature, imagining vaguely11 that she would suddenly discover their meaning, until at last, as she felt half mad with impatience12 and anxiety, she went to the schoolmaster, who told her to sit down and read to her as follows:
“MY DEAR DAUGHTER: I write to tell you that I am very ill. Our neighbor, Monsieur Dentu, begs you to come, if you can.
“From your affectionate mother,
“CESAIRE DENTU, Deputy Mayor.”
She did not say a word and went away, but as soon as she was alone her legs gave way under her, and she fell down by the roadside and remained there till night.
When she got back, she told the farmer her bad news, and he allowed her to go home for as long as she liked, and promised to have her work done by a charwoman and to take her back when she returned.
Her mother died soon after she got there, and the next day Rose gave birth to a seven-months child, a miserable13 little skeleton, thin enough to make anybody shudder14, and which seemed to be suffering continually, to judge from the painful manner in which it moved its poor little hands, which were as thin as a crab's legs; but it lived for all that. She said she was married, but could not be burdened with the child, so she left it with some neighbors, who promised to take great care of it, and she went back to the farm.
But now in her heart, which had been wounded so long, there arose something like brightness, an unknown love for that frail15 little creature which she had left behind her, though there was fresh suffering in that very love, suffering which she felt every hour and every minute, because she was parted from her child. What pained her most, however, was the mad longing16 to kiss it, to press it in her arms, to feel the warmth of its little body against her breast. She could not sleep at night; she thought of it the whole day long, and in the evening, when her work was done, she would sit in front of the fire and gaze at it intently, as people do whose thoughts are far away.
They began to talk about her and to tease her about her lover. They asked her whether he was tall, handsome and rich. When was the wedding to be and the christening? And often she ran away to cry by herself, for these questions seemed to hurt her like the prick17 of a pin; and, in order to forget their jokes, she began to work still more energetically, and, still thinking of her child, she sought some way of saving up money for it, and determined18 to work so that her master would be obliged to raise her wages.
By degrees she almost monopolized19 the work and persuaded him to get rid of one servant girl, who had become useless since she had taken to working like two; she economized20 in the bread, oil and candles; in the corn, which they gave to the chickens too extravagantly21, and in the fodder22 for the horses and cattle, which was rather wasted. She was as miserly about her master's money as if it had been her own; and, by dint23 of making good bargains, of getting high prices for all their produce, and by baffling the peasants' tricks when they offered anything for sale, he, at last, entrusted24 her with buying and selling everything, with the direction of all the laborers25, and with the purchase of provisions necessary for the household; so that, in a short time, she became. indispensable to him. She kept such a strict eye on everything about her that, under her direction, the farm prospered26 wonderfully, and for five miles around people talked of “Master Vallin's servant,” and the farmer himself said everywhere: “That girl is worth more than her weight in gold.”
But time passed by, and her wages remained the same. Her hard work was accepted as something that was due from every good servant, and as a mere27 token of good will; and she began to think rather bitterly that if the farmer could put fifty or a hundred crowns extra into the bank every month, thanks to her, she was still only earning her two hundred francs a year, neither more nor less; and so she made up her mind to ask for an increase of wages. She went to see the schoolmaster three times about it, but when she got there, she spoke about something else. She felt a kind of modesty28 in asking for money, as if it were something disgraceful; but, at last, one day, when the farmer was having breakfast by himself in the kitchen, she said to him, with some embarrassment29, that she wished to speak to him particularly. He raised his head in surprise, with both his hands on the table, holding his knife, with its point in the air, in one, and a piece of bread in the other, and he looked fixedly30 at, the girl, who felt uncomfortable under his gaze, but asked for a week's holiday, so that she might get away, as she was not very well. He acceded31 to her request immediately, and then added, in some embarrassment himself:
“When you come back, I shall have something to say to you myself.”
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1
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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3
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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6
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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7
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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8
precocious
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| adj.早熟的；较早显出的 | |
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9
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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10
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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11
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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12
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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13
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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14
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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15
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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16
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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17
prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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18
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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19
monopolized
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| v.垄断( monopolize的过去式和过去分词 )；独占；专卖；专营 | |
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20
economized
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| v.节省，减少开支( economize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
extravagantly
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| adv.挥霍无度地 | |
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22
fodder
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| n.草料；炮灰 | |
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dint
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| n.由于，靠；凹坑 | |
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24
entrusted
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| v.委托，托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25
laborers
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| n.体力劳动者，工人( laborer的名词复数 )；（熟练工人的）辅助工 | |
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26
prospered
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| 成功，兴旺( prosper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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27
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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28
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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29
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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30
fixedly
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| adv.固定地；不屈地，坚定不移地 | |
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31
acceded
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| v.（正式）加入( accede的过去式和过去分词 )；答应；（通过财产的添附而）增加；开始任职 | |
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