I was not prepared to oblige him to this degree, and I lost no time in telling him so, after my first surprise at seeing how definite his purpose had become. His contention13, after all, was very simple. He had been in love with Lady Vandeleur for years, and was now more in love with her than ever. There had been no appearance of her being, within a calculable period, liberated14 by the death of her husband. This nobleman was—he didn’t say what just then (it was too soon)—but he was only forty years old, and in such health and preservation15 as to make such a contingency16 infinitely17 remote. Under these circumstances, Ambrose had been driven, for the most worldly reasons—he was ashamed of them, pah!—into an engagement with a girl he did n’t love, and did n’t pretend to love. Suddenly the unexpected occurred; the woman he did love had become accessible to him, and all the relations of things were altered.
Why should n’t he alter, too? Why should n’t Miss Bernardstone alter, Lady Emily alter, and every one alter? It would be wrong in him to marry Joscelind in so changed a world;—a moment’s consideration would certainly assure me of that. He could no longer carry out his part of the bargain, and the transaction must stop before it went any further. If Joscelind knew, she would be the first to recognize this, and the thing for her now was to know.
“Go and tell her, then, if you are so sure of it,” I said. “I wonder you have put it off so many days.”
He looked at me with a melancholy18 eye. “Of course I know it’s beastly awkward.”
It was beastly awkward certainly; there I could quite agree with him, and this was the only sympathy he extracted from me. It was impossible to be less helpful, less merciful, to an embarrassed young man than I was on that occasion. But other occasions followed very quickly, on which Mr. Tester renewed his appeal with greater eloquence19. He assured me that it was torture to be with his intended, and every hour that he did n’t break off committed him more deeply and more fatally. I repeated only once my previous question,—asked him only once why then he did n’t tell her he had changed his mind. The inquiry20 was idle, was even unkind, for my young man was in a very tight place. He did n’t tell her, simply because he could n’t, in spite of the anguish21 of feeling that his chance to right himself was rapidly passing away. When I asked him if Joscelind appeared to have guessed nothing, he broke out, “How in the world can she guess, when I am so kind to her? I am so sorry for her, poor little wretch22, that I can’t help being nice to her. And from the moment I am nice to her she thinks it’s all right.”
I could see perfectly23 what he meant by that, and I liked him more for this little generosity24 than I disliked him for his nefarious25 scheme. In fact, I did n’t dislike him at all when I saw what an influence my judgment26 would have on him. I very soon gave him the full benefit of it. I had thought over his case with all the advantages of his own presentation of it, and it was impossible for me to see how he could decently get rid of the girl. That, as I have said, had been my original opinion, and quickened reflection only confirmed it. As I have also said, I had n’t in the least recommended him to become engaged; but once he had done so I recommended him to abide27 by it. It was all very well being in love with Lady Vandeleur; he might be in love with her, but he had n’t promised to marry her. It was all very well not being in love with Miss Bernardstone; but, as it happened, he had promised to marry her, and in my country a gentleman was supposed to keep such promises. If it was a question of keeping them only so long as was convenient, where would any of us be? I assure you I became very eloquent28 and moral,—yes, moral, I maintain the word, in spite of your perhaps thinking (as you are very capable of doing) that I ought to have advised him in just the opposite sense. It was not a question of love, but of marriage, for he had never promised to love poor Joscelind. It was useless his saying it was dreadful to marry without love; he knew that he thought it, and the people he lived with thought it, nothing of the kind. Half his friends had married on those terms. “Yes, and a pretty sight their private life presented!” That might be, but it was the first time I had ever heard him say it. A fortnight before he had been quite ready to do like the others. I knew what I thought, and I suppose I expressed it with some clearness, for my arguments made him still more uncomfortable, unable as he was either to accept them or to act in contempt of them. Why he should have cared so much for my opinion is a mystery I can’t elucidate29; to understand my little story, you must simply swallow it. That he did care is proved by the exasperation30 with which he suddenly broke out, “Well, then, as I understand you, what you recommend me is to marry Miss Bernardstone, and carry on an intrigue31 with Lady Vandeleur!”
He knew perfectly that I recommended nothing of the sort, and he must have been very angry to indulge in this boutade. He told me that other people did n’t think as I did—that every one was of the opinion that between a woman he did n’t love and a woman he had adored for years it was a plain moral duty not to hesitate. “Don’t hesitate then!” I exclaimed; but I did n’t get rid of him with this, for he returned to the charge more than once (he came to me so often that I thought he must neglect both his other alternatives), and let me know again that the voice of society was quite against my view. You will doubtless be surprised at such an intimation that he had taken “society” into his confidence, and wonder whether he went about asking people whether they thought he might back out. I can’t tell you exactly, but I know that for some weeks his dilemma32 was a great deal talked about. His friends perceived he was at the parting of the roads, and many of them had no difficulty in saying which one they would take. Some observers thought he ought to do nothing, to leave things as they were. Others took very high ground and discoursed33 upon the sanctity of love and the wickedness of really deceiving the girl, as that would be what it would amount to (if he should lead her to the altar). Some held that it was too late to escape, others maintained that it is never too late. Some thought Miss Bernardstone very much to be pitied; some reserved their compassion34 for Ambrose Tester; others, still, lavished35 it upon Lady Vandeleur.
The prevailing36 opinion, I think, was that he ought to obey the promptings of his heart—London cares so much for the heart! Or is it that London is simply ferocious37, and always prefers the spectacle that is more entertaining? As it would prolong the drama for the young man to throw over Miss Bernardstone, there was a considerable readiness to see the poor girl sacrificed. She was like a Christian38 maiden39 in the Roman arena40. That is what Ambrose Tester meant by telling me that public opinion was on his side. I don’t think he chattered41 about his quandary42, but people, knowing his situation, guessed what was going on in his mind, and he on his side guessed what they said. London discussions might as well go on in the whispering-gallery of St. Paul’s. I could of course do only one thing,—I could but reaffirm my conviction that the Roman attitude, as I may call it, was cruel, was falsely sentimental43. This naturally did n’t help him as he wished to be helped,—did n’t remove the obstacle to his marrying in a year or two Lady Vandeleur. Yet he continued to look to me for inspiration,—I must say it at the cost of making him appear a very feeble-minded gentleman. There was a moment when I thought him capable of an oblique44 movement, of temporizing45 with a view to escape. If he succeeded in postponing46 his marriage long enough, the Bernardstones would throw him over, and I suspect that for a day he entertained the idea of fixing this responsibility on them. But he was too honest and too generous to do so for longer, and his destiny was staring him in the face when an accident gave him a momentary47 relief. General Bernardstone died, after an illness as sudden and short as that which had carried off Lord Vandeleur; his wife and daughter were plunged48 into mourning and immediately retired49 into the country. A week later we heard that the girl’s marriage would be put off for several months,—partly on account of her mourning, and partly because her mother, whose only companion she had now become, could not bear to part with her at the time originally fixed50 and actually so near. People of course looked at each other,—said it was the beginning of the end, a “dodge” of Ambrose Tester’s. I wonder they did n’t accuse him of poisoning the poor old general. I know to a certainty that he had nothing to do with the delay, that the proposal came from Lady Emily, who, in her bereavement51, wished, very naturally, to keep a few months longer the child she was going to lose forever. It must be said, in justice to her prospective52 son-in-law, that he was capable either of resigning himself or of frankly53 (with however many blushes) telling Joscelind he could n’t keep his agreement, but was not capable of trying to wriggle54 out of his difficulty. The plan of simply telling Joscelind he couldn’t,—this was the one he had fixed upon as the best, and this was the one of which I remarked to him that it had a defect which should be counted against its advantages. The defect was that it would kill Joscelind on the spot.
I think he believed me, and his believing me made this unexpected respite55 very welcome to him. There was no knowing what might happen in the interval56, and he passed a large part of it in looking for an issue. And yet, at the same time, he kept up the usual forms with the girl whom in his heart he had renounced57. I was told more than once (for I had lost sight of the pair during the summer and autumn) that these forms were at times very casual, that he neglected Miss Bernardstone most flagrantly, and had quite resumed his old intimacy58 with Lady Vandeleur. I don’t exactly know what was meant by this, for she spent the first three months of her widowhood in complete seclusion59, in her own old house in Norfolk, where he certainly was not staying with her. I believe he stayed some time, for the partridge shooting, at a place a few miles off. It came to my ears that if Miss Bernardstone did n’t take the hint it was because she was determined60 to stick to him through thick and thin. She never offered to let him off, and I was sure she never would; but I was equally sure that, strange as it may appear, he had not ceased to be nice to her. I have never exactly understood why he didn’t hate her, and I am convinced that he was not a comedian61 in his conduct to her,—he was only a good fellow. I have spoken of the satisfaction that Sir Edmund took in his daughter-in-law that was to be; he delighted in looking at her, longed for her when she was out of his sight, and had her, with her mother, staying with him in the country for weeks together. If Ambrose was not so constantly at her side as he might have been, this deficiency was covered by his father’s devotion to her, by her appearance of being already one of the family. Mr. Tester was away as he might be away if they were already married.
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1
beeches
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| n.山毛榉( beech的名词复数 )；山毛榉木材 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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expiration
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| n.终结，期满，呼气，呼出物 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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5
confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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7
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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illuminating
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| a.富于启发性的，有助阐明的 | |
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pretension
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| n.要求；自命，自称；自负 | |
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premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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contention
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| n.争论，争辩，论战；论点，主张 | |
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liberated
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| a.无拘束的，放纵的 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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contingency
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| n.意外事件，可能性 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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21
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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nefarious
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| adj.恶毒的，极坏的 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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elucidate
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| v.阐明，说明 | |
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exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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31
intrigue
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| vt.激起兴趣，迷住；vi.耍阴谋；n.阴谋，密谋 | |
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32
dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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discoursed
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| 演说（discourse的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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lavished
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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prevailing
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| adj.盛行的；占优势的；主要的 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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40
arena
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| n.竞技场，运动场所；竞争场所，舞台 | |
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41
chattered
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| （人）喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 )； 唠叨； （牙齿）打战； （机器）震颤 | |
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42
quandary
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| n.困惑，进迟两难之境 | |
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43
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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44
oblique
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| adj.斜的，倾斜的，无诚意的，不坦率的 | |
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45
temporizing
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| v.敷衍( temporize的现在分词 )；拖延；顺应时势；暂时同意 | |
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46
postponing
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| v.延期，推迟( postpone的现在分词 ) | |
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47
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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48
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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49
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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50
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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51
bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡，丧失亲人，丧亲之痛 | |
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52
prospective
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| adj.预期的，未来的，前瞻性的 | |
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53
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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54
wriggle
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| v./n.蠕动，扭动；蜿蜒 | |
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55
respite
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| n.休息，中止，暂缓 | |
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56
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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57
renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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58
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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59
seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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61
comedian
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| n.喜剧演员；滑稽演员 | |
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