I could have wished, during the next few days, that Mr. Harry Hawk'sattitude towards myself had not been so unctuously confidential andmysterious. It was unnecessary, in my opinion, for him to grinmeaningly when he met me in the street. His sly wink when we passedeach other on the Cob struck me as in indifferent taste. The thing hadbeen definitely arranged (ten shillings down and ten when it wasover), and there was no need for any cloak and dark-lantern effects. Iobjected strongly to being treated as the villain of a melodrama. Iwas merely an ordinary well-meaning man, forced by circumstances intodoing the work of Providence. Mr. Hawk's demeanour seemed to say, "Weare two reckless scoundrels, but bless you, /I/ won't give away yourguilty secret." The climax came one morning as I was going along thestreet towards the beach. I was passing a dark doorway, when outshimmered Mr. Hawk as if he had been a spectre instead of the mostsubstantial man within a radius of ten miles.
" 'St!" He whispered.
"Now look here, Hawk," I said wrathfully, for the start he had givenme had made me bite my tongue, "this has got to stop. I refuse to behaunted in this way. What is it now?""Mr. Derrick goes out this morning, zur.""Thank goodness for that," I said. "Get it over this morning, then,without fail. I couldn't stand another day of it."I went on to the Cob, where I sat down. I was excited. Deeds of greatimport must shortly be done. I felt a little nervous. It would neverdo to bungle the thing. Suppose by some accident I were to drown theprofessor! Or suppose that, after all, he contented himself with amere formal expression of thanks, and refused to let bygones bebygones. These things did not bear thinking of.
I got up and began to pace restlessly to and fro.
Presently from the farther end of the harbour there put off Mr. Hawk'sboat, bearing its precious cargo. My mouth became dry with excitement.
Very slowly Mr. Hawk pulled round the end of the Cob, coming to astandstill some dozen yards from where I was performing my beat. Itwas evidently here that the scene of the gallant rescue had beenfixed.
My eyes were glued upon Mr. Hawk's broad back. Only when going in tobat at cricket have I experienced a similar feeling of suspense. Theboat lay almost motionless on the water. I had never seen the seasmoother. Little ripples plashed against the side of the Cob.
It seemed as if this perfect calm might continue for ever. Mr. Hawkmade no movement. Then suddenly the whole scene changed to one of vastactivity. I heard Mr. Hawk utter a hoarse cry, and saw him plungeviolently in his seat. The professor turned half round, and I caughtsight of his indignant face, pink with emotion. Then the scene changedagain with the rapidity of a dissolving view. I saw Mr. Hawk giveanother plunge, and the next moment the boat was upside down in thewater, and I was shooting headforemost to the bottom, oppressed withthe indescribably clammy sensation which comes when one's clothes arethoroughly wet.
I rose to the surface close to the upturned boat. The first sight Isaw was the spluttering face of Mr. Hawk. I ignored him, and swam towhere the professor's head bobbed on the waters.
"Keep cool," I said. A silly remark in the circumstances.
He was swimming energetically but unskilfully. He appeared to be oneof those men who can look after themselves in the water only when theyare in bathing costume. In his shore clothes it would have taken him aweek to struggle to land, if he had got there at all, which wasunlikely.
I know all about saving people from drowning. We used to practise itwith a dummy in the swimming-bath at school. I attacked him from therear, and got a good grip of him by the shoulders. I then swam on myback in the direction of land, and beached him with much /eclat/ atthe feet of an admiring crowd. I had thought of putting him under onceor twice just to show him he was being rescued, but decided againstsuch a source as needlessly realistic. As it was, I fancy he hadswallowed of sea-water two or three hearty draughts.
The crowd was enthusiastic.
"Brave young feller," said somebody.
I blushed. This was Fame.
"Jumped in, he did, sure enough, an' saved the gentleman!""Be the old soul drownded?""That girt fule, 'Arry 'Awk!"I was sorry for Mr. Hawk. Popular opinion was against him. What theprofessor said of him, when he recovered his breath, I cannot repeat,--not because I do not remember it, but because there is a line, andone must draw it. Let it be sufficient to say that on the subject ofMr. Hawk he saw eye to eye with the citizen who had described him as a"girt fule." I could not help thinking that my fellow conspirator didwell to keep out of it all. He was now sitting in the boat, which hehad restored to its normal position, baling pensively with an old tincan. To satire from the shore he paid no attention.
The professor stood up, and stretched out his hand. I grasped it.
"Mr. Garnet," he said, for all the world as if he had been the fatherof the heroine of "Hilda's Hero," "we parted recently in anger. Let methank you for your gallant conduct and hope that bygones will bebygones."I came out strong. I continued to hold his hand. The crowd raised asympathetic cheer.
I said, "Professor, the fault was mine. Show that you have forgiven meby coming up to the farm and putting on something dry.""An excellent idea, me boy; I /am/ a little wet.""A little," I agreed.
We walked briskly up the hill to the farm.
Ukridge met us at the gate.
He diagnosed the situation rapidly.
"You're all wet," he said. I admitted it.
"Professor Derrick has had an unfortunate boating accident," Iexplained.
"And Mr. Garnet heroically dived in, in all his clothes, and saved melife," broke in the professor. "A hero, sir. A--/choo/!""You're catching cold, old horse," said Ukridge, all friendliness andconcern, his little differences with the professor having vanishedlike thawed snow. "This'll never do. Come upstairs and get intosomething of Garnet's. My own toggery wouldn't fit. What? Come along,come along, I'll get you some hot water. Mrs. Beale--Mrs. /Beale/! Wewant a large can of hot water. At once. What? Yes, immediately. What?
Very well then, as soon as you can. Now then, Garny, my boy, out withthe duds. What do you think of this, now, professor? A sweetly prettything in grey flannel. Here's a shirt. Get out of that wet toggery,and Mrs. Beale shall dry it. Don't attempt to tell me about it tillyou're changed. Socks! Socks forward. Show socks. Here you are. Coat?
Try this blazer. That's right--that's right."He bustled about till the professor was clothed, then marched himdownstairs, and gave him a cigar.
"Now, what's all this? What happened?"The professor explained. He was severe in his narration upon theunlucky Mr. Hawk.
"I was fishing, Mr. Ukridge, with me back turned, when I felt the boatrock violently from one side to the other to such an extent that Inearly lost me equilibrium, and then the boat upset. The man's a fool,sir. I could not see what had happened, my back being turned, as Isay.""Garnet must have seen. What happened, old horse?""It was very sudden," I said. "It seemed to me as if the man had gotan attack of cramp. That would account for it. He has the reputationof being a most sober and trustworthy fellow.""Never trust that sort of man," said Ukridge. "They are always theworst. It's plain to me that this man was beastly drunk, and upset theboat while trying to do a dance.""A great curse, drink," said the professor. "Why, yes, Mr. Ukridge, Ithink I will. Thank you. Thank you. That will be enough. Not all thesoda, if you please. Ah! this tastes pleasanter than salt water, Mr.
Garnet. Eh? Eh? Ha--Ha!"He was in the best of tempers, and I worked strenuously to keep himso. My scheme had been so successful that its iniquity did not worryme. I have noticed that this is usually the case in matters of thiskind. It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.
"We must go round the links together one of these days, Mr. Garnet,"said the professor. "I have noticed you there on several occasions,playing a strong game. I have lately taken to using a wooden putter.
It is wonderful what a difference it makes."Golf is a great bond of union. We wandered about the groundsdiscussing the game, the /entente cordiale/ growing more firmlyestablished every moment.
"We must certainly arrange a meeting," concluded the professor. "Ishall be interested to see how we stand with regard to one another. Ihave improved my game considerably since I have been down here.
Considerably.""My only feat worthy of mention since I started the game," I said,"has been to halve a round with Angus M'Lurkin at St. Andrews.""/The/ M'Lurkin?" asked the professor, impressed.
"Yes. But it was one of his very off days, I fancy. He must have hadgout or something. And I have certainly never played so well since.""Still----," said the professor. "Yes, we must really arrange tomeet."With Ukridge, who was in one of his less tactless moods, he becamevery friendly.
Ukridge's ready agreement with his strictures on the erring Hawk had agreat deal to do with this. When a man has a grievance, he feels drawnto those who will hear him patiently and sympathise. Ukridge was allsympathy.
"The man is an unprincipled scoundrel," he said, "and should be tornlimb from limb. Take my advice, and don't go out with him again. Showhim that you are not a man to be trifled with. The spilt child dreadsthe water, what? Human life isn't safe with such men as Hawk roamingabout.""You are perfectly right, sir. The man can have no defence. I shallnot employ him again."I felt more than a little guilty while listening to this duet on thesubject of the man whom I had lured from the straight and narrow path.
But the professor would listen to no defence. My attempts at excusinghim were ill received. Indeed, the professor shewed such signs ofbecoming heated that I abandoned my fellow-conspirator to his fatewith extreme promptness. After all, an addition to the stipulatedreward--one of these days--would compensate him for any loss which hemight sustain from the withdrawal of the professor's custom. Mr. HarryHawk was in good enough case. I would see that he did not suffer.
Filled with these philanthropic feelings, I turned once more to talkwith the professor of niblicks and approach shots and holes done inthree without a brassy. We were a merry party at lunch--a lunchfortunately in Mrs. Beale's best vein, consisting of a roast chickenand sweets. Chicken had figured somewhat frequently of late on ourdaily bill of fare.
We saw the professor off the premises in his dried clothes, and Iturned back to put the fowls to bed in a happier frame of mind than Ihad known for a long time. I whistled rag-time airs as I worked.
"Rum old buffer," said Ukridge meditatively, pouring himself outanother whisky and soda. "My goodness, I should have liked to haveseen him in the water. Why do I miss these good things?"
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