"Beale," I said, "are you drunk?""Wish I was, sir," said the Hired Man.
"Then what on earth do you mean? Gone? Where have they gone to?""Don't know, sir. London, I expect.""London? Why?""Don't know, sir.""When did they go? Oh, you told me that. Didn't they say why they weregoing?""No, sir.""Didn't you ask! When you saw them packing up and going to thestation, didn't you do anything?""No, sir.""Why on earth not?""I didn't see them, sir. I only found out as they'd gone after they'dbeen and went, sir. Walking down by the Net and Mackerel, met one ofthem coastguards. 'Oh,' says he, 'so you're moving?' 'Who's a-moving?'
I says to him. 'Well,' he says to me, 'I seen your Mr. Ukridge and hismissus get into the three o'clock train for Axminster. I thought asyou was all a-moving.' 'Ho,' I says, 'Ho,' wondering, and I goes on.
When I gets back, I asks the missus did she see them packing theirboxes, and she says, No, she says, they didn't pack no boxes as sheknowed of. And blowed if they had, Mr. Garnet, sir.""What! They didn't pack!""No, sir."We looked at one another.
"Beale," I said.
"Sir?""Do you know what I think?""Yes, sir.""They've bolted.""So I says to the missus, sir. It struck me right off, in a manner ofspeaking.""This is awful," I said.
"Yes, sir."His face betrayed no emotion, but he was one of those men whoseexpression never varies. It's a way they have in the Army.
"This wants thinking out, Beale," I said.
"Yes, sir.""You'd better ask Mrs. Beale to give me some dinner, and then I'llthink it over.""Yes, sir."I was in an unpleasant position. Ukridge by his defection had left mein charge of the farm. I could dissolve the concern, I supposed, if Iwished, and return to London, but I particularly desired to remain inCombe Regis. To complete the victory I had won on the links, it wasnecessary for me to continue as I had begun. I was in the position ofa general who has conquered a hostile country, and is obliged tosoothe the feelings of the conquered people before his labours can beconsidered at an end. I had rushed the professor. It must now be myaim to keep him from regretting that he had been rushed. I must,therefore, stick to my post with the tenacity of an able-bodied leech.
There would be trouble. Of that I was certain. As soon as the news gotabout that Ukridge had gone, the deluge would begin. His creditorswould abandon their passive tactics, and take active steps. There wasa chance that aggressive measures would be confined to the enemy atour gates, the tradesmen of Combe Regis. But the probability was thatthe news would spread, and the injured merchants of Dorchester andAxminster rush to the scene of hostilities.
I summoned Beale after dinner and held a council of war. It was notime for airy persiflage. I said, "Beale, we're in the cart.""Sir?""Mr. Ukridge going away like this has left me in a most unpleasantposition. I would like to talk it over with you. I daresay you knowthat we--that Mr. Ukridge owes a considerable amount of money roundabout here to tradesmen?""Yes, sir.""Well, when they find out that he has--er----""Shot the moon, sir," suggested the Hired Retainer helpfully.
"Gone up to town," I amended. "When they find out that he has gone upto town, they are likely to come bothering us a good deal.""Yes, sir.""I fancy that we shall have them all round here to-morrow. News ofthis sort always spreads quickly. The point is, then, what are we todo?"He propounded no scheme, but stood in an easy attitude of attention,waiting for me to continue.
I continued.
"Let's see exactly how we stand," I said. "My point is that Iparticularly wish to go on living down here for at least anotherfortnight. Of course, my position is simple. I am Mr. Ukridge's guest.
I shall go on living as I have been doing up to the present. He askedme down here to help him look after the fowls, so I shall go onlooking after them. Complications set in when we come to consider youand Mrs. Beale. I suppose you won't care to stop on after this?"The Hired Retainer scratched his chin and glanced out of the window.
The moon was up, and the garden looked cool and mysterious in the dimlight.
"It's a pretty place, Mr. Garnet, sir," he said.
"It is," I said, "but about other considerations? There's the matterof wages. Are yours in arrears?""Yes, sir. A month.""And Mrs. Beale's the same, I suppose?""Yes, sir. A month.""H'm. Well, it seems to me, Beale, you can't lose anything by stoppingon.""I can't be paid any less than I have bin, sir," he agreed.
"Exactly. And, as you say, it's a pretty place. You might just as wellstop on, and help me in the fowl-run. What do you think?""Very well, sir.""And Mrs. Beale will do the same?""Yes, sir.""That's excellent. You're a hero, Beale. I shan't forget you. There'sa cheque coming to me from a magazine in another week for a shortstory. When it arrives, I'll look into that matter of back wages. TellMrs. Beale I'm much obliged to her, will you?""Yes, sir."Having concluded that delicate business, I lit my pipe, and strolledout into the garden with Bob. I cursed Ukridge as I walked. It wasabominable of him to desert me in this way. Even if I had not been hisfriend, it would have been bad. The fact that we had known each otherfor years made it doubly discreditable. He might at least have warnedme, and given me the option of leaving the sinking ship with him.
But, I reflected, I ought not to be surprised. His whole career, aslong as I had known him, had been dotted with little eccentricities ofa type which an unfeeling world generally stigmatises as shady. Theywere small things, it was true; but they ought to have warned me. Weare most of us wise after the event. When the wind has blown, we cangenerally discover a multitude of straws which should have shown uswhich way it was blowing.
Once, I remembered, in our schoolmaster days, when guineas, thoughregular, were few, he had had occasion to increase his wardrobe. If Irecollect rightly, he thought he had a chance of a good position inthe tutoring line, and only needed good clothes to make it his. Hetook four pounds of his salary in advance,--he was in the habit ofdoing this: he never had any salary left by the end of term, it havingvanished in advance loans beforehand. With this he was to buy twosuits, a hat, new boots, and collars. When it came to making thepurchases, he found, what he had overlooked previously in hisoptimistic way, that four pounds did not go very far. At the time, Iremember, I thought his method of grappling with the situationhumorous. He bought a hat for three-and-sixpence, and got the suitsand the boots on the instalment system, paying a small sum in advance,as earnest of more to come. He then pawned one suit to pay for thefirst few instalments, and finally departed, to be known no more. Hisaddress he had given--with a false name--at an empty house, and whenthe tailor arrived with his minions of the law, all he found was anannoyed caretaker, and a pile of letters written by himself,containing his bill in its various stages of evolution.
Or again. There was a bicycle and photograph shop near the school. Hewent into this one day, and his roving eye fell on a tandem bicycle.
He did not want a tandem bicycle, but that influenced him not at all.
He ordered it provisionally. He also ordered an enlarging camera, akodak, and a magic lantern. The order was booked, and the goods wereto be delivered when he had made up his mind concerning them. After aweek the shopman sent round to ask if there were any furtherparticulars which Mr. Ukridge would like to learn before definitelyordering them. Mr. Ukridge sent back word that he was considering thematter, and that in the meantime would he be so good as to let himhave that little clockwork man in his window, which walked when woundup? Having got this, and not paid for it, Ukridge thought that he haddone handsomely by the bicycle and photograph man, and that thingswere square between them. The latter met him a few days afterwards,and expostulated plaintively. Ukridge explained. "My good man," hesaid, "you know, I really think we need say no more about the matter.
Really, you're come out of it very well. Now, look here, which wouldyou rather be owed for? A clockwork man--which is broken, and you canhave it back--or a tandem bicycle, an enlarging camera, a kodak, and amagic-lantern? What?" His reasoning was too subtle for the uneducatedmind. The man retired, puzzled, and unpaid, and Ukridge kept theclockwork toy.
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |