At last William Preston and she were wed9; and she went to be mistress of a well-stocked house, not above half-an-hour’s walk from where aunt Fanny lived. I believe she did all that she could to please my father; and a more dutiful wife, I have heard him himself say, could never have been. But she did not love him, and he soon found it out. She loved Gregory, and she did not love him. Perhaps, love would have come in time, if he had been patient enough to wait; but it just turned him sour to see how her eye brightened and her colour came at the sight of that little child, while for him who had given her so much, she had only gentle words as cold as ice. He got to taunt11 her with the difference in her manner, as if that would bring love: and he took a positive dislike to Gregory,—he was so jealous of the ready love that always gushed12 out like a spring of fresh water when he came near. He wanted her to love him more, and perhaps that was all well and good; but he wanted her to love her child less, and that was an evil wish. One day, he gave way to his temper, and cursed and swore at Gregory, who had got into some mischief13, as children will; my mother made some excuse for him; my father said it was hard enough to have to keep another man’s child, without having it perpetually held up in its naughtiness by his wife, who ought to be always in the same mind that he was; and so from little they got to more; and the end of it was, that my mother took to her bed before her time, and I was born that very day. My father was glad, and proud, and sorry, all in a breath; glad and proud that a son was born to him; and sorry for his poor wife’s state, and to think how his angry words had brought it on. But he was a man who liked better to be angry than sorry, so he soon found out that it was all Gregory’s fault, and owed him an additional grudge14 for having hastened my birth. He had another grudge against him before long. My mother began to sink the day after I was born. My father sent to Carlisle for doctors, and would have coined his heart’s blood into gold to save her, if that could have been; but it could not. My aunt Fanny used to say sometimes, that she thought that Helen did not wish to live, and so just let herself die away without trying to take hold on life; but when I questioned her, she owned that my mother did all the doctors bade her do, with the same sort of uncomplaining patience with which she had acted through life. One of her last requests was to have Gregory laid in her bed by my side, and then she made him take hold of my little hand. Her husband came in while she was looking at us so, and when he bent15 tenderly over her to ask her how she felt now, and seemed to gaze on us two little half-brothers, with a grave sort of kindness, she looked up in his face and smiled, almost her first smile at him; and such a sweet smile! as more besides aunt Fanny have said. In an hour she was dead. Aunt Fanny came to live with us. It was the best thing that could be done. My father would have been glad to return to his old mode of bachelor life, but what could he do with two little children? He needed a woman to take care of him, and who so fitting as his wife’s elder sister? So she had the charge of me from my birth; and for a time I was weakly, as was but natural, and she was always beside me, night and day watching over me, and my father nearly as anxious as she. For his land had come down from father to son for more than three hundred years, and he would have cared for me merely as his flesh and blood that was to inherit the land after him. But he needed something to love, for all that, to most people, he was a stern, hard man, and he took to me as, I fancy, he had taken to no human being before—as he might have taken to my mother, if she had had no former life for him to be jealous of. I loved him back again right heartily16. I loved all around me, I believe, for everybody was kind to me. After a time, I overcame my original weakness of constitution, and was just a bonny, strong-looking lad whom every passer-by noticed, when my father took me with him to the nearest town.
At home I was the darling of my aunt, the tenderly-beloved of my father, the pet and plaything of the old domestics, the “young master” of the farm-labourers, before whom I played many a lordly antic, assuming a sort of authority which sat oddly enough, I doubt not, on such a baby as I was.
Gregory was three years older than I. Aunt Fanny was always kind to him in deed and in action, but she did not often think about him, she had fallen so completely into the habit of being engrossed17 by me, from the fact of my having come into her charge as a delicate baby. My father never got over his grudging18 dislike to his stepson, who had so innocently wrestled19 with him for the possession of my mother’s heart. I mistrust me, too, that my father always considered him as the cause of my mother’s death and my early delicacy20; and utterly21 unreasonable22 as this may seem, I believe my father rather cherished his feeling of alienation23 to my brother as a duty, than strove to repress it. Yet not for the world would my father have grudged24 him anything that money could purchase. That was, as it were, in the bond when he had wedded25 my mother. Gregory was lumpish and loutish26, awkward and ungainly, marring whatever he meddled27 in, and many a hard word and sharp scolding did he get from the people about the farm, who hardly waited till my father’s back was turned before they rated the stepson. I am ashamed—my heart is sore to think how I fell into the fashion of the family, and slighted my poor orphan28 step-brother. I don’t think I ever scouted29 him, or was wilfully30 ill-natured to him; but the habit of being considered in all things, and being treated as something uncommon32 and superior, made me insolent33 in my prosperity, and I exacted more than Gregory was always willing to grant, and then, irritated, I sometimes repeated the disparaging34 words I had heard others use with regard to him, without fully31 understanding their meaning. Whether he did or not I cannot tell. I am afraid he did. He used to turn silent and quiet—sullen and sulky, my father thought it: stupid, aunt Fanny used to call it. But every one said he was stupid and dull, and this stupidity and dullness grew upon him. He would sit without speaking a word, sometimes, for hours; then my father would bid him rise and do some piece of work, maybe, about the farm. And he would take three or four tellings before he would go. When we were sent to school, it was all the same. He could never be made to remember his lessons; the school-master grew weary of scolding and flogging, and at last advised my father just to take him away, and set him to some farm-work that might not be above his comprehension. I think he was more gloomy and stupid than ever after this, yet he was not a cross lad; he was patient and good-natured, and would try to do a kind turn for any one, even if they had been scolding or cuffing35 him not a minute before. But very often his attempts at kindness ended in some mischief to the very people he was trying to serve, owing to his awkward, ungainly ways. I suppose I was a clever lad; at any rate, I always got plenty of praise; and was, as we called it, the cock of the school. The schoolmaster said I could learn anything I chose, but my father, who had no great learning himself, saw little use in much for me, and took me away betimes, and kept me with him about the farm. Gregory was made into a kind of shepherd, receiving his training under old Adam, who was nearly past his work. I think old Adam was almost the first person who had a good opinion of Gregory. He stood to it that my brother had good parts, though he did not rightly know how to bring them out; and, for knowing the bearings of the Fells, he said he had never seen a lad like him. My father would try to bring Adam round to speak of Gregory’s faults and shortcomings; but, instead of that, he would praise him twice as much, as soon as he found out what was my father’s object.
One winter-time, when I was about sixteen, and Gregory nineteen, I was sent by my father on an errand to a place about seven miles distant by the road, but only about four by the Fells. He bade me return by the road, whichever way I took in going, for the evenings closed in early, and were often thick and misty36; besides which, old Adam, now paralytic37 and bedridden, foretold38 a downfall of snow before long. I soon got to my journey’s end, and soon had done my business; earlier by an hour, I thought, than my father had expected, so I took the decision of the way by which I would return into my own hands, and set off back again over the Fells, just as the first shades of evening began to fall. It looked dark and gloomy enough; but everything was so still that I thought I should have plenty of time to get home before the snow came down. Off I set at a pretty quick pace. But night came on quicker. The right path was clear enough in the day-time, although at several points two or three exactly similar diverged39 from the same place; but when there was a good light, the traveller was guided by the sight of distant objects,—a piece of rock,—a fall in the ground—which were quite invisible to me now. I plucked up a brave heart, however, and took what seemed to me the right road. It was wrong, nevertheless, and led me whither I knew not, but to some wild boggy40 moor41 where the solitude42 seemed painful, intense, as if never footfall of man had come thither43 to break the silence. I tried to shout—with the dimmest possible hope of being heard—rather to reassure44 myself by the sound of my own voice; but my voice came husky and short, and yet it dismayed me; it seemed so weird45 and strange, in that noiseless expanse of black darkness. Suddenly the air was filled thick with dusky flakes46, my face and hands were wet with snow. It cut me off from the slightest knowledge of where I was, for I lost every idea of the direction from which I had come, so that I could not even retrace47 my steps; it hemmed48 me in, thicker, thicker, with a darkness that might be felt. The boggy soil on which I stood quaked under me if I remained long in one place, and yet I dared not move far. All my youthful hardiness49 seemed to leave me at once. I was on the point of crying, and only very shame seemed to keep it down. To save myself from shedding tears, I shouted—terrible, wild shouts for bare life they were. I turned sick as I paused to listen; no answering sound came but the unfeeling echoes. Only the noiseless, pitiless snow kept falling thicker, thicker—faster, faster! I was growing numb50 and sleepy. I tried to move about, but I dared not go far, for fear of the precipices51 which, I knew, abounded52 in certain places on the Fells. Now and then, I stood still and shouted again; but my voice was getting choked with tears, as I thought of the desolate53 helpless death I was to die, and how little they at home, sitting round the warm, red, bright fire, wotted what was become of me,—and how my poor father would grieve for me—it would surely kill him—it would break his heart, poor old man! Aunt Fanny too—was this to be the end of all her cares for me? I began to review my life in a strange kind of vivid dream, in which the various scenes of my few boyish years passed before me like visions. In a pang54 of agony, caused by such remembrance of my short life, I gathered up my strength and called out once more, a long, despairing, wailing55 cry, to which I had no hope of obtaining any answer, save from the echoes around, dulled as the sound might be by the thickened air. To my surprise I heard a cry—almost as long, as wild as mine—so wild that it seemed unearthly, and I almost thought it must be the voice of some of the mocking spirits of the Fells, about whom I had heard so many tales. My heart suddenly began to beat fast and loud. I could not reply for a minute or two. I nearly fancied I had lost the power of utterance56. Just at this moment a dog barked. Was it Lassie’s bark—my brother’s collie?—an ugly enough brute57, with a white, ill-looking face, that my father always kicked whenever he saw it, partly for its own demerits, partly because it belonged to my brother. On such occasions, Gregory would whistle Lassie away, and go off and sit with her in some outhouse. My father had once or twice been ashamed of himself, when the poor collie had yowled out with the suddenness of the pain, and had relieved himself of his self-reproach by blaming my brother, who, he said, had no notion of training a dog, and was enough to ruin any collie in Christendom with his stupid way of allowing them to lie by the kitchen fire. To all which Gregory would answer nothing, nor even seem to hear, but go on looking absent and moody58.
Yes! there again! It was Lassie’s bark! Now or never! I lifted up my voice and shouted “Lassie! Lassie! for God’s sake, Lassie!” Another moment, and the great white-faced Lassie was curving and gambolling59 with delight round my feet and legs, looking, however, up in my face with her intelligent, apprehensive60 eyes, as if fearing lest I might greet her with a blow, as I had done oftentimes before. But I cried with gladness, as I stooped down and patted her. My mind was sharing in my body’s weakness, and I could not reason, but I knew that help was at hand. A gray figure came more and more distinctly out of the thick, close-pressing darkness. It was Gregory wrapped in his maud.
“Oh, Gregory!” said I, and I fell upon his neck, unable to speak another word. He never spoke much, and made me no answer for some little time. Then he told me we must move, we must walk for the dear life—we must find our road home, if possible; but we must move, or we should be frozen to death.
“Don’t you know the way home?” asked I.
“I thought I did when I set out, but I am doubtful now. The snow blinds me, and I am feared that in moving about just now, I have lost the right gait homewards.”
He had his shepherd’s staff with him, and by dint61 of plunging62 it before us at every step we took—clinging close to each other, we went on safely enough, as far as not falling down any of the steep rocks, but it was slow, dreary work. My brother, I saw, was more guided by Lassie and the way she took than anything else, trusting to her instinct. It was too dark to see far before us; but he called her back continually, and noted63 from what quarter she returned, and shaped our slow steps accordingly. But the tedious motion scarcely kept my very blood from freezing. Every bone, every fibre in my body seemed first to ache, and then to swell64, and then to turn numb with the intense cold. My brother bore it better than I, from having been more out upon the hills. He did not speak, except to call Lassie. I strove to be brave, and not complain; but now I felt the deadly fatal sleep stealing over me.
“I can go no farther,” I said, in a drowsy65 tone. I remember I suddenly became dogged and resolved. Sleep I would, were it only for five minutes. If death were to be the consequence, sleep I would. Gregory stood still. I suppose, he recognized the peculiar66 phase of suffering to which I had been brought by the cold.
“It is of no use,” said he, as if to himself. “We are no nearer home than we were when we started, as far as I can tell. Our only chance is in Lassie. Here! roll thee in my maud, lad, and lay thee down on this sheltered side of this bit of rock. Creep close under it, lad, and I’ll lie by thee, and strive to keep the warmth in us. Stay! hast gotten aught about thee they’ll know at home?”
I felt him unkind thus to keep me from slumber67, but on his repeating the question, I pulled out my pocket-handkerchief, of some showy pattern, which Aunt Fanny had hemmed for me—Gregory took it, and tied it round Lassie’s neck.
“Hie thee, Lassie, hie thee home!” And the white-faced ill-favoured brute was off like a shot in the darkness. Now I might lie down—now I might sleep. In my drowsy stupor68 I felt that I was being tenderly covered up by my brother; but what with I neither knew nor cared—I was too dull, too selfish, too numb to think and reason, or I might have known that in that bleak69 bare place there was nought70 to wrap me in, save what was taken off another. I was glad enough when he ceased his cares and lay down by me. I took his hand.
“Thou canst not remember, lad, how we lay together thus by our dying mother. She put thy small, wee hand in mine—I reckon she sees us now; and belike we shall soon be with her. Anyhow, God’s will be done.”
“Dear Gregory,” I muttered, and crept nearer to him for warmth. He was talking still, and again about our mother, when I fell asleep. In an instant—or so it seemed—there were many voices about me—many faces hovering71 round me—the sweet luxury of warmth was stealing into every part of me. I was in my own little bed at home. I am thankful to say, my first word was “Gregory?”
A look passed from one to another—my father’s stern old face strove in vain to keep its sternness; his mouth quivered, his eyes filled slowly with unwonted tears.
“I would have given him half my land—I would have blessed him as my son,—oh God! I would have knelt at his feet, and asked him to forgive my hardness of heart.”
I came slowly to my consciousness, weeks afterwards. My father’s hair was white when I recovered, and his hands shook as he looked into my face.
We spoke no more of Gregory. We could not speak of him; but he was strangely in our thoughts. Lassie came and went with never a word of blame; nay74, my father would try to stroke her, but she shrank away; and he, as if reproved by the poor dumb beast, would sigh, and be silent and abstracted for a time.
Aunt Fanny—always a talker—told me all. How, on that fatal night, my father,—irritated by my prolonged absence, and probably more anxious than he cared to show, had been fierce and imperious, even beyond his wont72, to Gregory; had upbraided75 him with his father’s poverty, his own stupidity which made his services good for nothing—for so, in spite of the old shepherd, my father always chose to consider them. At last, Gregory had risen up, and whistled Lassie out with him—poor Lassie, crouching76 underneath77 his chair for fear of a kick or a blow. Some time before, there had been some talk between my father and my aunt respecting my return; and when aunt Fanny told me all this, she said she fancied that Gregory might have noticed the coming storm, and gone out silently to meet me. Three hours afterwards, when all were running about in wild alarm, not knowing whither to go in search of me—not even missing Gregory, or heeding78 his absence, poor fellow—poor, poor fellow!—Lassie came home, with my handkerchief tied round her neck. They knew and understood, and the whole strength of the farm was turned out to follow her, with wraps, and blankets, and brandy, and every thing that could be thought of. I lay in chilly79 sleep, but still alive, beneath the rock that Lassie guided them to. I was covered over with my brother’s plaid, and his thick shepherd’s coat was carefully wrapped round my feet. He was in his shirt-sleeves—his arm thrown over me—a quiet smile (he had hardly ever smiled in life) upon his still, cold face.
My father’s last words were, “God forgive me my hardness of heart towards the fatherless child!”
And what marked the depth of his feeling of repentance80, perhaps more than all, considering the passionate81 love he bore my mother, was this: we found a paper of directions after his death, in which he desired that he might lie at the foot of the grave, in which, by his desire, poor Gregory had been laid with OUR MOTHER.
点击收听单词发音
1 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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2 prosper | |
v.成功,兴隆,昌盛;使成功,使昌隆,繁荣 | |
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3 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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4 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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5 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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6 stunned | |
adj. 震惊的,惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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7 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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8 nourishment | |
n.食物,营养品;营养情况 | |
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9 wed | |
v.娶,嫁,与…结婚 | |
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10 caresses | |
爱抚,抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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11 taunt | |
n.辱骂,嘲弄;v.嘲弄 | |
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12 gushed | |
v.喷,涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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13 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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14 grudge | |
n.不满,怨恨,妒嫉;vt.勉强给,不情愿做 | |
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15 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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16 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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17 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
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18 grudging | |
adj.勉强的,吝啬的 | |
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19 wrestled | |
v.(与某人)搏斗( wrestle的过去式和过去分词 );扭成一团;扭打;(与…)摔跤 | |
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20 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
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21 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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22 unreasonable | |
adj.不讲道理的,不合情理的,过度的 | |
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23 alienation | |
n.疏远;离间;异化 | |
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24 grudged | |
怀恨(grudge的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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25 wedded | |
adj.正式结婚的;渴望…的,执著于…的v.嫁,娶,(与…)结婚( wed的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 loutish | |
adj.粗鲁的 | |
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27 meddled | |
v.干涉,干预(他人事务)( meddle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28 orphan | |
n.孤儿;adj.无父母的 | |
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29 scouted | |
寻找,侦察( scout的过去式和过去分词 ); 物色(优秀运动员、演员、音乐家等) | |
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30 wilfully | |
adv.任性固执地;蓄意地 | |
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31 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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32 uncommon | |
adj.罕见的,非凡的,不平常的 | |
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33 insolent | |
adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
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34 disparaging | |
adj.轻蔑的,毁谤的v.轻视( disparage的现在分词 );贬低;批评;非难 | |
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35 cuffing | |
v.掌打,拳打( cuff的现在分词 );袖口状白血球聚集 | |
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36 misty | |
adj.雾蒙蒙的,有雾的 | |
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37 paralytic | |
adj. 瘫痪的 n. 瘫痪病人 | |
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38 foretold | |
v.预言,预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39 diverged | |
分开( diverge的过去式和过去分词 ); 偏离; 分歧; 分道扬镳 | |
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40 boggy | |
adj.沼泽多的 | |
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41 moor | |
n.荒野,沼泽;vt.(使)停泊;vi.停泊 | |
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42 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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43 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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44 reassure | |
v.使放心,使消除疑虑 | |
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45 weird | |
adj.古怪的,离奇的;怪诞的,神秘而可怕的 | |
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46 flakes | |
小薄片( flake的名词复数 ); (尤指)碎片; 雪花; 古怪的人 | |
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47 retrace | |
v.折回;追溯,探源 | |
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48 hemmed | |
缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 ); 包围 | |
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49 hardiness | |
n.耐劳性,强壮;勇气,胆子 | |
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50 numb | |
adj.麻木的,失去感觉的;v.使麻木 | |
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51 precipices | |
n.悬崖,峭壁( precipice的名词复数 ) | |
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52 abounded | |
v.大量存在,充满,富于( abound的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53 desolate | |
adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂 | |
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54 pang | |
n.剧痛,悲痛,苦闷 | |
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55 wailing | |
v.哭叫,哀号( wail的现在分词 );沱 | |
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56 utterance | |
n.用言语表达,话语,言语 | |
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57 brute | |
n.野兽,兽性 | |
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58 moody | |
adj.心情不稳的,易怒的,喜怒无常的 | |
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59 gambolling | |
v.蹦跳,跳跃,嬉戏( gambol的现在分词 ) | |
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60 apprehensive | |
adj.担心的,恐惧的,善于领会的 | |
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61 dint | |
n.由于,靠;凹坑 | |
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62 plunging | |
adj.跳进的,突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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63 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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64 swell | |
vi.膨胀,肿胀;增长,增强 | |
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65 drowsy | |
adj.昏昏欲睡的,令人发困的 | |
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66 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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67 slumber | |
n.睡眠,沉睡状态 | |
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68 stupor | |
v.昏迷;不省人事 | |
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69 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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70 nought | |
n./adj.无,零 | |
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71 hovering | |
鸟( hover的现在分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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72 wont | |
adj.习惯于;v.习惯;n.习惯 | |
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73 catching | |
adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
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74 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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75 upbraided | |
v.责备,申斥,谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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76 crouching | |
v.屈膝,蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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77 underneath | |
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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78 heeding | |
v.听某人的劝告,听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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79 chilly | |
adj.凉快的,寒冷的 | |
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80 repentance | |
n.懊悔 | |
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81 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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