Against many attacks and accusations1 of uselessness cast at her dachshunds, Mrs. Kitty had always stoutly2 opposed the legend of "medium-size game." The dachshunds may look like bologna sausages on legs, ran the gist3 of her argument; and they may progress like rather lively measuring worms; and the usefulness of their structure may seem to limit itself to a facility for getting under furniture without stooping, _but_--Mrs. Kitty's eloquence4 always ended by convincing herself, and she became very serious--but that is not the dogs' fault. Rather it is the fault of their environment to which they have been transplanted. Back in their own native vaterland they were always used for medium-sized game. And what is more they are _good_ at it! Come here, Pete, they shan't abuse you!
Coyotes and bobcats are medium-size game, someone ventured to point out.
Not at all, medium-size game should live in holes, like badgers6. Dachshunds are evidently built for holes. They are long and low, and they have spatulate feet for digging, and their bandy legs enable them to throw the dirt out behind them. Their long, sharp noses are like tweezers8 to seize upon the medium-size game. In short, by much repetition, a legend had grown up around the dachshunds, a legend of fierceness inhibited9 only by circumstances, of pathetic deprivation10 of the sports of their native land. If only we could have a badger5, we could almost hear them say to each other in dog language, a strong, morose11, savage12 badger! Alas13! we are wasting our days in idleness, our talents rust14 from disuse! Finally, Uncle Jim remained the only frankly15 skeptical16 member.
At this time there visited the ranch17 two keen sportsmen whom we shall call Charley and Tommy; as also several girls. We burst on the assembled multitude with our news. Immediately a council of war was called. After the praetors and tribunes of the people had uttered their opinions, Uncle Jim arose and spoke18 as follows:
"Here is your chance to make good," said he, addressing Mrs. Kitty. "Those badger hounds of yours, according to you, have just been fretting20 for medium-size game. Well, here's some. Bring out the whole flock, and let's see them get busy."
The proposition was received with a shout of rapture21 Uncle Jim smiled grimly.
"Well, they'll do it!" cried Mrs. Kitty, with spirit.
Preparations were immediately under way. In half an hour the army debouched from the ranch and strung out single file across the plain.
First came Uncle Jim and myself in the two-wheeled cart as scouts22 and guides.
Followed the General in his surrey. The surrey had originally been intended for idle dalliance along country lanes. In the days of its glory it had been upholstered right merrily, and around its flat top had dangled23 a blithesome24 fringe. Both the upholstery and fringe were still somewhat there. Of the glory that was past no other reminder25 had persisted. The General sat squarely in the middle of the front seat, very large, erect26, and imposing27, driving with a fine military disregard of hummocks28 or the laws of equilibrium29. In or near the back seat hovered30 a tiny Japanese boy to whom the General occasionally issued short, sharp, military comments or commands.
Then came Mrs. Kitty and the ponies31 with Carrie beside her. Immediately astern of the pony32 cart followed a three-seated carry-all with assorted33 guests. This was flanked by the Captain and Charley as outriders. The rear was closed by the Invigorator rilled with dachshunds. Their pointed34 noses poked35 busily through the slats of the cage, and sniffed36 up over the edge of the wagon37 box.
The rear, did I say? I had forgotten Mithradates Antikamia Briggs. The latter polysyllabic person was a despised, apologetic, rangy, black-and-white mongrel hound said to have belonged somewhere to a man named Briggs. I think the rest of his name was intended as an insult. Ordinarily Mithradates hung around the men's quarters where he was liked. Never had he dared seek either solace38 or sympathy at the doors of the great house; and never, never had he remotely dreamed of following any of the numerous hunting expeditions. That would have been lese-majesty, high treason, sublime39 impudence40, and intolerable nuisance to be punished by banishment41 or death. Mithradates realized this perfectly42; and never did he presume to raise his eyes to such high and shining affairs.
But to-day he followed. Nobody was subsequently able to explain why Mithradates Antikamia should on this one occasion so have plucked up heart. My private opinion is that he saw the dachshunds being taken, and, in his uncultivated manner, communed with himself as follows:
"Well, will you gaze on that! I don't pretend to be in the same class with Old Ben or Young Ben, or even of the fox terriers; but if I'm not more of a dog than that lot of splay-footed freaks, I'll go bite myself! If they're _that_ hard up for dogs, I'll be cornswizzled if I don't go myself!"
Which he did. We did not want him; this was distinctly the dachshunds' party, and we did not care to have any one messing in. The Captain tried to drive him back. Mithradates Antikamia would not go. The Captain dismounted and tried force. Mithradates shut both eyes, crouched43 to the ground, and immediately weighed a half ton. When punished he rolled over and held all four paws in the air. The minute the Captain turned his back, after stern admonitions to "go home!" and "down, charge!" and the like, Mithradates crawled slowly forward to the waiting line, ducking his head, wrinkling his upper lips ingratiatingly, and sneezing in the most apologetic tones. Finally we gave it up.
"But," we "saved our face," "you'll have to behave when we get there!"
So, as has been said, Mithradates Antikamia Briggs brought up the rear.
Arrived at the tree the whole procession drew into a half circle. We unblocked the opening, and the Invigorator was driven to a spot beneath it so each person could take his turn at standing44 on the seat and peering down the hole. The eyes still glowed like balls of fire.
Next the dachshunds were lifted up one by one and given a chance to smell at the game. This was to make them keen. Held up by means of a hand held either side their chests, they curled up their hind7 legs and tails and seemed to endure. Mrs. Kitty explained that they had never been so far off the ground in their lives, and so were naturally preoccupied45 by the new sensation. This sounded reasonable, so we placed them on the ground. There they sat in a circle looking up at our performances, a solemn and mild interest expressing itself in their lugubrious46 countenances47. A dachshund has absolutely no sense of humour or lightness of spirits. He never cavorts48.
By sounding carefully with a carriage whip we determined49 the depth of the hole, and proceeded to cut through to the bottom. This was quite a job, for the oak was tough, and the position difficult. Tommy had ascended50 the tree, and proclaimed loudly the first signs of daylight as the axe51 bit through. Mine happened to be the axe work; so when I had finished a neat little orifice, I swung up beside Tommy, and the Invigorator drove out of the way.
My elevated position was a good one; and as Tommy was peering eagerly down the hole, I had nothing to do but survey the scene.
The rigs were drawn52 up in a semi-circle twenty yards away. Next the horses' heads stood the drivers of the various vehicles, anxious to miss none of the fun. The dachshunds sat on their haunches, looking up, and probably wondering why their friend, Tommy, insisted on roosting up a tree. The Captain and Charley were immediately below, engaged in an earnest effort to poke19 the 'coon into ascending53 the hole. Tommy was reporting the result of these efforts from above. The General, his feet firmly planted, had unlimbered a huge ten-bore shotgun, so as to be ready for anything. Uncle Jim stood by, smoking his pipe. Mithradates Antikamia Briggs sat sadly apart.
The poking54 efforts accomplished55 little. Occasionally the 'coon made a little dash or scramble56, but never went far. There was a great deal of talking, shouting, and advice.
At last Uncle Jim, knocking the ashes from his pipe, moved into action. He plucked a double handful of the tall, dry grass, touched a match to it, and thrust it in the nick.
Without the slightest hesitation57 the 'coon shot out at the top!
Now just at that moment Tommy happened to be leaning over for a right _good_ look down the hole. He received thirty pounds or so of agitated58 'coon square in the chest. Thereupon he fell out of the tree incontinently, with the 'coon on top of him.
We caught our breath in horror. Although we could plainly see that Tommy was in no degree injured by his short fall, yet we all realized that it was going to be serious to be mixed up with a raging, snarling59 beast fight of twenty-two members. When the dachshunds should pounce60 on their natural prey61, the medium-size game, poor Tommy would be at the bottom of the heap. Several even started forward to restrain the dogs, but stopped as they realized the impossibilities.
Tommy and the 'coon hit with a thump62. The dachshunds took one horrified63 look; then with the precision of a drilled man[oe]uvre they unanimously turned tail and plunged64 into the tall grass. From my elevated perch65 I could see it waving agitatedly66 as they made their way through it in the direction of the distant ranch.
For a moment there was astounded67 silence. Then there arose a shriek68 of delight. The Captain rolled over and over and clutched handfuls of turf in his joy. The General roared great salvos of laughter. Tommy, still seated where he had fallen, leaned weakly against the tree, the tears coursing down his cheeks. The rest of the populace lifted up their voices and howled. Even Uncle Jim, who rarely laughed aloud, although his eyes always smiled, emitted great Ho! ho!'s. Only Mrs. Kitty, dumb with indignation, stared speechless after that wriggling69 mess of fugitives70.
The occasion was too marvellous. We enjoyed it to the full. Whenever the rapture sank somewhat, someone would gasp71 out a half-remembered bit of Mrs. Kitty's former defences.
"Their long, sharp noses are like tweezers to seize the game!" declaimed Charley, weakly. [Spasm72 by the audience.]
"Their spatulate feet are meant for digging," the Captain took up the tale. [Another spasm.]
"Their bandy legs enabled them to throw the dirt out behind them--as they ran," suggested Tommy.
"If _only_ they could have had a badger they'd have beaten all records!" we chorused.
And then finally we wiped our eyes and remembered that there used to be a 'coon. At the same time we became conscious of a most unholy row in the offing: the voice of Mithradates Antikamia.
"If you people want your 'coon," he was remarking in a staccato and exasperated73 voice, "you'd better come and lend a hand. _I_ can't manage him alone! The blame thing has bitten me in three places already. Of course, I like to see people have a good time, and I hope you won't curtail74 your enjoyment75 on my account; but if you've had _quite_ enough of those made-in-Germany imitations, perhaps you'll just stroll over and see what one good American-built DOG can do!"
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1
accusations
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| n.指责( accusation的名词复数 )；指控；控告；（被告发、控告的）罪名 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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gist
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| n.要旨；梗概 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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badger
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| v.一再烦扰，一再要求，纠缠 | |
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badgers
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| n.獾( badger的名词复数 )；獾皮；（大写）獾州人（美国威斯康星州人的别称）；毛鼻袋熊 | |
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hind
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| adj.后面的，后部的 | |
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tweezers
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| n.镊子 | |
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inhibited
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| a.拘谨的，拘束的 | |
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deprivation
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| n.匮乏；丧失；夺去，贫困 | |
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morose
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| adj.脾气坏的，不高兴的 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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rust
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| n.锈；v.生锈；(脑子)衰退 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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skeptical
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| adj.怀疑的，多疑的 | |
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ranch
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| n.大牧场，大农场 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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poke
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| n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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fretting
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| n. 微振磨损 adj. 烦躁的, 焦虑的 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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scouts
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| 侦察员[机，舰]( scout的名词复数 )； 童子军； 搜索； 童子军成员 | |
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dangled
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| 悬吊着( dangle的过去式和过去分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
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blithesome
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| adj.欢乐的，愉快的 | |
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reminder
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| n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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hummocks
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| n.小丘，岗( hummock的名词复数 ) | |
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equilibrium
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| n.平衡，均衡，相称，均势，平静 | |
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hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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ponies
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| 矮种马，小型马( pony的名词复数 )； ￡25 25 英镑 | |
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pony
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| adj.小型的；n.小马 | |
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assorted
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| adj.各种各样的，各色俱备的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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poked
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| v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交 | |
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sniffed
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| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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wagon
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| n.四轮马车，手推车，面包车；无盖运货列车 | |
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solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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banishment
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| n.放逐，驱逐 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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lugubrious
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| adj.悲哀的，忧郁的 | |
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countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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cavorts
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| v.跳跃( cavort的第三人称单数 ) | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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axe
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| n.斧子；v.用斧头砍，削减 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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ascending
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| adj.上升的，向上的 | |
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poking
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| n. 刺，戳，袋 vt. 拨开，刺，戳 vi. 戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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scramble
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| v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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snarling
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| v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的现在分词 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
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pounce
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| n.猛扑；v.猛扑，突然袭击，欣然同意 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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thump
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| v.重击，砰然地响；n.重击，重击声 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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agitatedly
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| 动摇，兴奋； 勃然 | |
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astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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wriggling
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| v.扭动，蠕动，蜿蜒行进( wriggle的现在分词 )；（使身体某一部位）扭动；耍滑不做，逃避（应做的事等）；蠕蠕 | |
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fugitives
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| n.亡命者，逃命者( fugitive的名词复数 ) | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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curtail
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| vt.截短，缩短；削减 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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