The one fact in which men universally agree is that we come into the world alone and we go out of the world alone; and although we travel in company, make our pilgrimage to Canterbury or to Vanity Fair in a great show of fellowship, and of bearing one another's burdens, we carry our deepest troubles alone. When we think of it, it is an awful lonesomeness in this animated1 and moving crowd. Each one either must or will carry his own burden, which he commonly cannot, or by pride or shame will not, ask help in carrying.
Henderson drew more and more apart from confidences, and was alone in building up the colossal2 structure of his wealth. Father Damon was carrying his renewed temptation alone, after all his brave confession3 and attempt at renunciation. Ruth Leigh plodded4 along alone, with her secret which was the joy and the despair of her life--the opening of a gate into the paradise which she could never enter. Jack5 Delancy, the confiding6, open-hearted good fellow, had come to a stage in his journey where he also was alone. Not even to Carmen could he confess the extent of his embarrassments7, nor even in her company, nor in the distraction8 of his increasingly dissipated life, could he forget them. Not only had his investments been all transferred to his speculations9, but his home had been mortgaged, and he did not dare tell Edith of the lowering cloud that hung over it; and that his sole dependence11 was the confidence of the Street, which any rumor12 might shatter, in that one of Henderson's schemes to which he had committed himself. Edith, the one person who could have comforted him, was the last person to whom he could have told this, for he had the most elementary, and the common conception of what marriage is.
But Edith's lot was the most pitiful of all. She was not only alone, but compelled to inaction. She saw the fair fabric13 of her life dissolving, and neither by cries nor tears, by appeals nor protest, by show of anger nor by show of suffering, could she hinder the dissolution. Strong in herself and full of courage, day by day and week by week she felt her powerlessness. Heaven knows what it cost her--what it costs all women in like circumstances--to be always cheerful, never to show distrust. If her love were not enough, if her attractions were not enough, there was no human help to which she could appeal.
And what, pray, was there to appeal? There was no visible neglect, no sufficient alienation14 for gossip to take hold of. If there was a little talk about Jack's intimacy15 elsewhere, was there anything uncommon16 in that? Affairs went on as usual. Was it reasonable to suppose that society should notice that one woman's heart was full of foreboding, heavy with a sense of loss and defeat, and with the ruin of two lives? Could simple misery17 like this rise to the dignity of tragedy in a world that has its share of tragedies, shocking and violent, but is on the whole going on decorously and prosperously?
The season wore on. It was the latter part of May. Jack had taken Edith and the boy down to the Long Island house, and had returned to the city and was living at his club, feverishly18 waiting for some change in his affairs. It was a sufficient explanation of his anxiety that money was "tight," that failures were daily announced, and that there was a general fear of worse times. It was fortunate for Jack and other speculators that they could attribute their ill-luck to the general financial condition. There were reasons enough for this condition. Some attributed it to want of confidence, others to the tariff19, others to the action of this or that political party, others to over-production, others to silver, others to the action of English capitalists in withdrawing their investments. It could all be accounted for without referring to the fact that most of the individual sufferers, like Jack, owed more than they could pay.
Henderson was much of the time absent--at the West and at the South. His every move was watched, his least sayings were reported as significant, and the Street was hopeful or depressed20 as he seemed to be cheerful or unusually taciturn. Uncle Jerry was the calmest man in town, and his observation that Henderson knew what he was about was reassuring21. His serenity22 was well founded. The fact was that he had been pulling in and lowering canvas for months. Or, as he put it, he hadn't much hay out... "It's never a good plan," said Uncle Jerry, "to put off raking up till the shower begins."
It seems absurd to speak of the East Side in connection with the financial situation. But that was where the pinch was felt, and felt first. Work was slack, and that meant actual hunger for many families. The monetary23 solidarity24 of the town is remarkable25. No one flies a kite in Wall Street that somebody in Rivington Street does not in consequence have to go without his dinner. As Dr. Leigh went her daily rounds she encountered painful evidence of the financial disturbance26. Increased number of cases for the doctor followed want of sufficient food and the eating of cheap, unwholesome food. She was often obliged to draw upon the Margaret Fund, and to invoke27 the aid of Father Damon when the responsibility was too great for her. And Father Damon found that his ministry28 was daily diverted from the cure of souls to the care of bodies. Among all those who came to the mission as a place of refuge and rest, and to whom the priest sought to offer the consolations29 of religion and of his personal sympathy, there were few who did not have a tale of suffering to tell that wrung30 his heart. Some of them were actually ill, or had at home a sick husband or a sick daughter. And such cases had to be reported to Dr. Leigh.
It became necessary, therefore, that these two, who had shunned31 each other for months, should meet as often as they had done formerly32. This was very hard for both, for it meant only the renewal33 of heart-break, regret, and despair. And yet it had been almost worse when they did not see each other. They met; they talked of nothing but their work; they tried to forget themselves in their devotion to humanity. But the human heart will not be thus disposed of. It was impossible that some show of personal interest, some tenderness, should not appear. They were walking towards Fourth Avenue one evening--the priest could not resist the impulse to accompany her a little way towards her home--after a day of unusual labor34 and anxiety.
"You are working too hard," he said, gently; "you look fatigued35."
"Oh no," she replied, looking up cheerfully; "I'm a regular machine. I get run down, and then I wind up. I get tired, and then I get rested. It isn't the work," she added, after a moment, "if only I could see any good of it. It seems so hopeless."
"From your point of view, my dear doctor," he answered, but without any shade of reproof36 in his tone. "But no good deed is lost. There is nothing else in the world--nothing for me." The close of the sentence seemed wholly accidental, and he stopped speaking as if he could not trust himself to go on.
Ruth Leigh looked up quickly. "But, Father Damon, it is you who ought to be rebuked37 for overwork. You are undertaking38 too much. You ought to go off for a vacation, and go at once."
The father looked paler and thinner than usual, but his mouth was set in firm lines, and he said: "It cannot be. My duty is here. And"--he turned, and looked her full in the face--"I cannot go."
No need to explain that simple word. No need to interpret the swift glance that their eyes exchanged--the eager, the pitiful glance. They both knew. It was not the work. It was not the suffering of the world. It was the pain in their own hearts, and the awful chasm39 that his holy vows40 had put between them. They stood so only an instant. He was trembling in the extort41 to master himself, and in a second she felt the hot blood rising to her face. Her woman's wit was the first to break the hopeless situation. She turned, and hailed a passing car. "I cannot walk any farther. Good-night." And she was gone.
The priest stood as if a sudden blow had struck him, following the retreating car till it was out of sight, and then turned homeward, dazed, and with feeble steps. What was this that had come to him to so shake his life? What devil was tempting42 him to break his vows and forsake43 his faith? Should he fly from the city and from his work, or should he face what seemed to him, in the light of his consecration44, a monstrous45 temptation, and try to conquer himself? He began to doubt his power to do this. He had always believed that it was easy to conquer nature. And now a little brown woman had taught him that he reckons ill who leaves out the strongest human passion. And yet suppose he should break his solemn vows and throw away his ideal, and marry Ruth Leigh, would he ever be happy? Here was a mediaeval survival confronted by a nineteenth-century skepticism. The situation was plainly insoluble. It was as plainly so to the clear mind of the unselfish little woman without faith as it was to him. Perhaps she could not have respected him if he had yielded. Strangely enough, the attraction of the priest for her and for other women who called themselves servants of humanity was in his consecration, in his attitude of separation from the vanities and passions of this world. They believed in him, though they did not share his faith. To Ruth Leigh this experience of love was as unexpected as it was to the priest. Perhaps because her life was lived on a less exalted46 plane she could bear it with more equanimity47. But who knows? The habit of her life was endurance, the sturdy meeting of the duty of every day, with at least only a calm regard of the future. And she would go on. But who can measure the inner change in her life? She must certainly be changed by this deep experience, and, terrible as it was, perhaps ennobled by it. Is there not something supernatural in such a love itself? It has a wonderful transforming power. It is certain that a new light, a tender light, was cast upon her world. And who can say that some time, in the waiting and working future, this new light might not change life altogether for this faithful soul?
There was one person upon whom the tragedy of life thus far sat lightly. Even her enemies, if she had any, would not deny that Carmen had an admirable temperament48. If she had been a Moslem49, it might be predicted that she would walk the wire 'El Serat' without a tremor50. In these days she was busy with the plans of her new house. The project suited her ambition and her taste. The structure grew in her mind into barbaric splendor51, but a barbaric splendor refined, which reveled in the exquisite52 adornment53 of the Alhambra itself. She was in daily conferences with her architect and her artists, she constantly consulted Jack about it, and Mavick whenever he was in town, and occasionally she awakened55 the interest of Henderson himself, who put no check upon her proceedings56, although his mind was concerned with a vaster structure of his own. She talked of little else, until in her small world there grew up a vast expectation of magnificence, of which hints appeared from time to time in the newspapers, mysterious allusions57 to Roman luxury, to Nero and his Golden House. Henderson read these paragraphs, as he read the paragraphs about his own fortune, with a grim smile.
"Your house is getting a lot of free advertising," he said to Carmen one evening after dinner in the library, throwing the newspaper on the table as he spoke58.
"They all seem to like the idea," replied Carmen. "Did you see what one of the papers said about the use of wealth in adorning59 the city? That's my notion."
"I suppose," said Henderson, with a smile, "that you put that notion into the reporter's head."
"But he thought he suggested it to me."
"Let's look over the last drawing." Henderson half rose from his chair to pull the sheet towards him, but instantly sank back, and put his hand to his heart. Carmen saw that he was very pale, and ran round to his chair.
"What is it?"
"Nothing," he said, taking a long breath. "Just a stitch. Indigestion. It must have been the coffee."
Carmen ran to the dining-room, and returned with a wineglass of brandy.
"There, take that."
He drank it. "Yes, that's better. I'm all right now." And he sat still, slowly recovering color and control of himself.
"I'm going to send for the doctor."
"No, no; nonsense. It has all passed," and he stretched out his arms and threw them back vigorously. "It was only a moment's faintness. It's quite gone."
He rose from his chair and took a turn or two about the room. Yes, he was quite himself, and he patted Carmen's head as he passed and took his seat again. For a moment or two there was silence. Then he said, still as if reflecting:
"Isn't it queer? In that moment of faintness all my life flashed through my mind."
"It has been a very successful life," Carmen said, by way of saying something.
"Yes, yes; but I wonder if it was worth while?"
"If I were a man, I should enjoy the power you have, the ability to do what you will."
"I suppose I do. That is all there is. I like to conquer obstacles, and I like to command. And money; I never did care for money in itself. But there is a fascination60 in building up a great fortune. It is like conducting a political or a military campaign. Now, I haven't much interest in anything else."
As he spoke he looked round upon the crowded shelves of his library, and, getting up, went to the corner where there was a shelf of rare editions and took down a volume.
"Do you remember when I got this, Carmen? It was when I was a bachelor. It was rare then. I saw it quoted the other day as worth twice the price I gave for it."
He replaced it carefully, and walked along the shelves looking at the familiar titles.
"I used to read then. And you read still; you have time."
"Not those books," she replied, with a laugh. "Those belong to the last generation."
"That is where I belong," he said, smiling also. "I don't think I have read a book, not really read it, in ten years. This modern stuff that pretends to give life is so much less exciting than my own daily experience that I cannot get interested in it. Perhaps I could read these calm old books."
"It is the newspapers that take your time," Carmen suggested.
"Yes, they pass the time when I am thinking. And they are full of suggestions. I suppose they are as accurate about other things as about me. I used to think I would make this library the choicest in the city. It is good as far as it goes. Perhaps I will take it up some day--if I live." And he turned away from the shelves and sat down. Carmen had never seen him exactly in this humor and was almost subdued61 by it.
He began to talk again, philosophizing about life generally and his own life. He seemed to like to recall his career, and finally said: "Uncle Jerry is successful too, and he never did care for anything else--except his family. There is a clerk in my office on five thousand a year who is never without a book when he comes to the office and when I see him on the train. He has a wife and a nice little family in Jersey62. I ask him sometimes about his reading. He is collecting a library, but not of rare books; says he cannot afford that. I think he is successful too, or will be if he never gets more than five thousand a year, and is content with his books and his little daily life, coming and going to his family. Ah, well! Everybody must live his life. I suppose there is some explanation of it all."
"Has anything gone wrong?" asked Carmen, anxiously.
"No, not at all. Nothing to interfere63 with the house of gold." He spoke quite gently and sincerely. "I don't know what set me into this moralizing. Let's look at the plans."
The next day--it was the first of June--in consultation64 with the architect, a project was broached65 that involved such an addition of cost that Carmen hesitated. She declared that it was a question of ways and means, and that she must consult the chairman. Accordingly she called her carriage and drove down to Henderson's office.
It was a beautiful day, a little warm in the narrow streets of the lower city, but when she had ascended66 by the elevator to the high story that Henderson occupied in one of the big buildings that rise high enough to give a view of New York Harbor, and looked from the broad windows upon one of the most sparkling and animated scenes in the world, it seemed to her appreciative67 eyes a day let down out of Paradise.
The clerks all knew Mrs. Henderson, and they rose and bowed as she tripped along smiling towards her husband's rooms. It did not seem to be a very busy day, and she found no one waiting in the anteroom, and passed into the room of his private secretary.
"Is Mr. Henderson in?"
"Yes, madam."
"And busy?"
"Probably busy," replied the secretary, with a smile, "but he is alone. No one has disturbed him for over half an hour."
"Then I will go in."
She tapped lightly at the door. There was no response. She turned the knob softly and looked in, and then, glancing back at the secretary, with a finger uplifted, "I think he is asleep," opened the door, stepped in, and closed it carefully.
The large room was full of light, and through the half-dozen windows burst upon her the enchanting68 scene of the Bay, Henderson sat at his table, which was covered with neatly69 arranged legal documents, but bowed over it, his head resting upon his arms.
"So, Rodney, this is the way, old boy, that you wear yourself out in business!"
She spoke laughingly, but he did not stir, and she tiptoed along to awaken54 him.
She touched his hand. It moved heavily away from her hand. The left arm, released, dropped at his side.
She started back, her eyes round with terror, and screamed.
Instantly the secretary was at her side, and supported her, fainting, to a seat. Other clerks rushed in at the alarm. Henderson was lifted from his chair and laid upon a lounge. When the doctor who had been called arrived, Carmen was in a heap by the low couch, one arm thrown across the body, and her head buried in the cushion close to his.
The doctor instantly applied70 restoratives; he sent for an electric battery; everything was done that science could suggest. But all was of no avail. There was no sign of life. He must have been dead half an hour, said the doctor. It was evidently heart-failure.
Before the doctor had pronounced his verdict there was a whisper in the Stock Exchange.
"Henderson is dead!"
"It is not possible," said one.
"I saw him only yesterday," said another.
"I was in his office this morning," said a third. "I never saw him looking in better health."
The whisper was confirmed. There was no doubt of it. Henderson's private secretary had admitted it. Yet it seemed incredible. No provision had been made for it. Speculation10 had not discounted it. A panic set in. No one knew what to do, for no one knew well the state of Henderson's affairs. In the first thirty minutes there was a tremendous drop in Henderson stocks. Then some of them rallied, but before the partial recovery hundreds of men had been ruined. It was a wild hour in the Exchange. Certain stocks were hopelessly smashed for the time, and some combinations were destroyed; among them was one that Uncle Jerry had kept out of; and Jack Delancy was hopelessly ruined.
The event was flashed over the wires of the continent; it was bulletined; it was cried in the streets; it was the all-absorbing talk of the town. Already, before the dead man was removed to his own house, people were beginning to moralize about him and his career. Perhaps the truest thing was said by the old broker71 in the board whose reputation for piety72 was only equaled by his reputation of always having money to loan at exorbitant73 rates in a time of distress74. He said to a group of downcast operators, "In the midst of life we are in death."
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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plodded
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| v.沉重缓慢地走（路）( plod的过去式和过去分词 )；努力从事；沉闷地苦干；缓慢进行（尤指艰难枯燥的工作） | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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confiding
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| adj.相信人的，易于相信的v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的现在分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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embarrassments
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| n.尴尬( embarrassment的名词复数 )；难堪；局促不安；令人难堪或耻辱的事 | |
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distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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rumor
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| n.谣言，谣传，传说 | |
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fabric
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| n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织 | |
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alienation
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| n.疏远；离间；异化 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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feverishly
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| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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tariff
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| n.关税，税率；(旅馆、饭店等)价目表，收费表 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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monetary
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| adj.货币的，钱的；通货的；金融的；财政的 | |
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solidarity
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| n.团结；休戚相关 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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invoke
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| v.求助于(神、法律)；恳求，乞求 | |
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ministry
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| n.(政府的)部；牧师 | |
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consolations
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| n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物） | |
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wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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renewal
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| adj.(契约)延期，续订，更新，复活，重来 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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rebuked
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| 责难或指责( rebuke的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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chasm
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| n.深坑，断层，裂口，大分岐，利害冲突 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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extort
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| v.勒索，敲诈，强要 | |
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tempting
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| a.诱人的, 吸引人的 | |
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forsake
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| vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃 | |
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consecration
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| n.供献，奉献，献祭仪式 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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Moslem
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| n.回教徒，穆罕默德信徒；adj.回教徒的，回教的 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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adornment
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| n.装饰；装饰品 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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adorning
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| 修饰，装饰物 | |
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fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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broached
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| v.谈起( broach的过去式和过去分词 )；打开并开始用；用凿子扩大（或修光）；（在桶上）钻孔取液体 | |
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ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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appreciative
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| adj.有鉴赏力的，有眼力的；感激的 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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broker
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| n.中间人，经纪人；v.作为中间人来安排 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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exorbitant
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| adj.过分的；过度的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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