Somehow the night had passed--somehow in bitterness, in anguish1. But it had passed.
Ernest's lips were parched2 and sleeplessness3 had left its trace in the black rings under the eyes, when the next morning he confronted Reginald in the studio.
Reginald was sitting at the writing-table in his most characteristic pose, supporting his head with his hand and looking with clear piercing eyes searchingly at the boy.
"Yes," he observed, "it's a most curious psychical4 phenomenon."
"You cannot imagine how real it all seemed to me."
The boy spoke5 painfully, dazed, as if struck by a blow.
"Even now it is as if something has gone from me, some struggling thought that I cannot--cannot remember."
Reginald regarded him as a physical experimenter might look upon the subject of a particularly baffling mental disease.
"You must not think, my boy, that I bear you any malice6 for your extraordinary delusion7. Before Jack8 went away he gave me an exact account of all that has happened. Divers9 incidents recurred10 to him from which it appears that, at various times in the past, you have been on the verge11 of a nervous collapse12."
A nervous collapse! What was the use of this term but a euphemism13 for insanity14?
"Do not despair, dear child," Reginald caressingly15 remarked. "Your disorder16 is not hopeless, not incurable17. Such crises come to every man who writes. It is the tribute we pay to the Lords of Song. The minnesinger of the past wrote with his heart's blood; but we moderns dip our pen into the sap of our nerves. We analyse life, love art--and the dissecting18 knife that we use on other men's souls finally turns against ourselves.
"But what shall a man do? Shall he sacrifice art to hygiene19 and surrender the one attribute that makes him chiefest of created things? Animals, too, think. Some walk on two legs. But introspection differentiates20 man from the rest. Shall we yield up the sweet consciousness of self that we derive21 from the analysis of our emotion, for the contentment of the bull that ruminates22 in the shade of a tree or the healthful stupidity of a mule23?"
"Assuredly not."
"But what shall a man do?"
"Ah, that I cannot tell. Mathematics offers definite problems that admit of a definite solution. Life states its problems with less exactness and offers for each a different solution. One and one are two to-day and to-morrow. Psychical values, on each manipulation, will yield a different result. Still, your case is quite clear. You have overworked yourself in the past, mentally and emotionally. You have sown unrest, and must not be surprised if neurasthenia is the harvest thereof."
"Do you think--that I should go to some sanitarium?" the boy falteringly24 asked.
"God forbid! Go to the seashore, somewhere where you can sleep and play. Take your body along, but leave your brain behind--at least do not take more of it with you than is necessary. The summer season in Atlantic City has just begun. There, as everywhere in American society, you will be much more welcome if you come without brains."
Reginald's half-bantering tone reassured25 Ernest a little. Timidly he dared approach once more the strange event that had wrought26 such havoc27 with his nervous equilibrium28.
"How do you account for my strange obsession--one might almost call it a mania29?"
"If it could be accounted for it would not be strange."
"Can you suggest no possible explanation?"
"Perhaps a stray leaf on my desk a few indications of the plot, a remark--who knows? Perhaps thought-matter is floating in the air. Perhaps--but we had better not talk of it now. It would needlessly excite you."
"You are right," answered Ernest gloomily, "let us not talk of it. But whatever may be said, it is a marvellous play."
"You flatter me. There is nothing in it that you may not be able to do equally well--some day."
"Ah, no," the boy replied, looking up to Reginald with admiration30. "You are the master."
1 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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2 parched | |
adj.焦干的;极渴的;v.(使)焦干 | |
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3 sleeplessness | |
n.失眠,警觉 | |
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4 psychical | |
adj.有关特异功能现象的;有关特异功能官能的;灵魂的;心灵的 | |
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5 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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6 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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7 delusion | |
n.谬见,欺骗,幻觉,迷惑 | |
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8 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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9 divers | |
adj.不同的;种种的 | |
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10 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
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11 verge | |
n.边,边缘;v.接近,濒临 | |
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12 collapse | |
vi.累倒;昏倒;倒塌;塌陷 | |
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13 euphemism | |
n.婉言,委婉的说法 | |
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14 insanity | |
n.疯狂,精神错乱;极端的愚蠢,荒唐 | |
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15 caressingly | |
爱抚地,亲切地 | |
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16 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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17 incurable | |
adj.不能医治的,不能矫正的,无救的;n.不治的病人,无救的人 | |
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18 dissecting | |
v.解剖(动物等)( dissect的现在分词 );仔细分析或研究 | |
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19 hygiene | |
n.健康法,卫生学 (a.hygienic) | |
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20 differentiates | |
区分,区别,辨别( differentiate的第三人称单数 ); 区别对待; 表明…间的差别,构成…间差别的特征 | |
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21 derive | |
v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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22 ruminates | |
v.沉思( ruminate的第三人称单数 );反复考虑;反刍;倒嚼 | |
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23 mule | |
n.骡子,杂种,执拗的人 | |
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24 falteringly | |
口吃地,支吾地 | |
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25 reassured | |
adj.使消除疑虑的;使放心的v.再保证,恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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26 wrought | |
v.引起;以…原料制作;运转;adj.制造的 | |
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27 havoc | |
n.大破坏,浩劫,大混乱,大杂乱 | |
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28 equilibrium | |
n.平衡,均衡,相称,均势,平静 | |
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29 mania | |
n.疯狂;躁狂症,狂热,癖好 | |
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30 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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