The most patient man in the world is prone1 to impatience2 in love-and Sheldon was in love. He called himself an ass3 a score of times a day, and strove to contain himself by directing his mind in other channels, but more than a score of times each day his thoughts roved back and dwelt on Joan. It was a pretty problem she presented, and he was continually debating with himself as to what was the best way to approach her.
He was not an adept4 at love-making. He had had but one experience in the gentle art (in which he had been more wooed than wooing), and the affair had profited him little. This was another affair, and he assured himself continually that it was a uniquely different and difficult affair. Not only was here a woman who was not bent5 on finding a husband, but it was a woman who wasn't a woman at all; who was genuinely appalled6 by the thought of a husband; who joyed in boys' games, and sentimentalized over such things as adventure; who was healthy and normal and wholesome7, and who was so immature8 that a husband stood for nothing more than an encumbrance9 in her cherished scheme of existence.
But how to approach her? He divined the fanatical love of freedom in her, the deep-seated antipathy10 for restraint of any sort. No man could ever put his arm around her and win her. She would flutter away like a frightened bird. Approach by contact--that, he realized, was the one thing he must never do. His hand-clasp must be what it had always been, the hand-clasp of hearty11 friendship and nothing more. Never by action must he advertise his feeling for her. Remained speech. But what speech? Appeal to her love? But she did not love him. Appeal to her brain? But it was apparently12 a boy's brain. All the deliciousness and fineness of a finely bred woman was hers; but, for all he could discern, her mental processes were sexless and boyish. And yet speech it must be, for a beginning had to be made somewhere, some time; her mind must be made accustomed to the idea, her thoughts turned upon the matter of marriage.
And so he rode overseeing about the plantation13, with tightly drawn14 and puckered15 brows, puzzling over the problem, and steeling himself to the first attempt. A dozen ways he planned an intricate leading up to the first breaking of the ice, and each time some link in the chain snapped and the talk went off on unexpected and irrelevant16 lines. And then one morning, quite fortuitously, the opportunity came.
"My dearest wish is the success of Berande," Joan had just said, apropos17 of a discussion about the cheapening of freights on copra to market.
"Do you mind if I tell you the dearest wish of my heart?" he promptly18 returned. "I long for it. I dream about it. It is my dearest desire."
He paused and looked at her with intent significance; but it was plain to him that she thought there was nothing more at issue than mutual19 confidences about things in general.
"Yes, go ahead," she said, a trifle impatient at his delay.
"I love to think of the success of Berande," he said; "but that is secondary. It is subordinate to the dearest wish, which is that some day you will share Berande with me in a completer way than that of mere20 business partnership21. It is for you, some day, when you are ready, to be my wife."
She started back from him as if she had been stung. Her face went white on the instant, not from maidenly22 embarrassment23, but from the anger which he could cee flaming in her eyes.
"This taking for granted!--this when I am ready!" she cried passionately24. Then her voice swiftly became cold and steady, and she talked in the way he imagined she must have talked business with Morgan and Raff at Guvutu. "Listen to me, Mr. Sheldon. I like you very well, though you are slow and a muddler; but I want you to understand, once and for all, that I did not come to the Solomons to get married. That is an affliction I could have accumulated at home, without sailing ten thousand miles after it. I have my own way to make in the world, and I came to the Solomons to do it. Getting married is not making MY way in the world. It may do for some women, but not for me, thank you. When I sit down to talk over the freight on copra, I don't care to have proposals of marriage sandwiched in. Besides--besides--"
Her voice broke for the moment, and when she went on there was a note of appeal in it that well-nigh convicted him to himself of being a brute25.
"Don't you see?--it spoils everything; it makes the whole situation impossible . . . and . . . and I so loved our partnership, and was proud of it. Don't you see?--I can't go on being your partner if you make love to me. And I was so happy."
Tears of disappointment were in her eyes, and she caught a swift sob26 in her throat.
"I warned you," he said gravely. "Such unusual situations between men and women cannot endure. I told you so at the beginning."
"Oh, yes; it is quite clear to me what you did." She was angry again, and the feminine appeal had disappeared. "You were very discreet27 in your warning. You took good care to warn me against every other man in the Solomons except yourself."
It was a blow in the face to Sheldon. He smarted with the truth of it, and at the same time he smarted with what he was convinced was the injustice28 of it. A gleam of triumph that flickered29 in her eye because of the hit she had made decided30 him.
"It is not so one-sided as you seem to think it is," he began. "I was doing very nicely on Berande before you came. At least I was not suffering indignities31, such as being accused of cowardly conduct, as you have just accused me. Remember--please remember, I did not invite you to Berande. Nor did I invite you to stay on at Berande. It was by staying that you brought about this--to you-unpleasant situation. By staying you made yourself a temptation, and now you would blame me for it. I did not want you to stay. I wasn't in love with you then. I wanted you to go to Sydney; to go back to Hawaii. But you insisted on staying. You virtually--"
He paused for a softer word than the one that had risen to his lips, and she took it away from him.
"Forced myself on you--that's what you meant to say," she cried, the flags of battle painting her cheeks. "Go ahead. Don't mind my feelings."
"All right; I won't," he said decisively, realizing that the discussion was in danger of becoming a vituperative32, schoolboy argument. "You have insisted on being considered as a man. Consistency33 would demand that you talk like a man, and like a man listen to man-talk. And listen you shall. It is not your fault that this unpleasantness has arisen. I do not blame you for anything; remember that. And for the same reason you should not blame me for anything."
He noticed her bosom34 heaving as she sat with clenched35 hands, and it was all he could do to conquer the desire to flash his arms out and around her instead of going on with his coolly planned campaign. As it was, he nearly told her that she was a most adorable boy. But he checked all such wayward fancies, and held himself rigidly36 down to his disquisition.
"You can't help being yourself. You can't help being a very desirable creature so far as I am concerned. You have made me want you. You didn't intend to; you didn't try to. You were so made, that is all. And I was so made that I was ripe to want you. But I can't help being myself. I can't by an effort of will cease from wanting you, any more than you by an effort of will can make yourself undesirable37 to me."
"Oh, this desire! this want! want! want!" she broke in rebelliously38. "I am not quite a fool. I understand some things. And the whole thing is so foolish and absurd--and uncomfortable. I wish I could get away from it. I really think it would be a good idea for me to marry Noa Noah, or Adamu Adam, or Lalaperu there, or any black boy. Then I could give him orders, and keep him penned away from me; and men like you would leave me alone, and not talk marriage and 'I want, I want.'"
Sheldon laughed in spite of himself, and far from any genuine impulse to laugh.
"You are positively40 soulless," he said savagely41.
"Because I've a soul that doesn't yearn42 for a man for master?" she took up the gage43. "Very well, then. I am soulless, and what are you going to do about it?"
"I am going to ask you why you look like a woman? Why have you the form of a woman? the lips of a woman? the wonderful hair of a woman? And I am going to answer: because you are a woman--though the woman in you is asleep--and that some day the woman will wake up."
"Heaven forbid!" she cried, in such sudden and genuine dismay as to make him laugh, and to bring a smile to her own lips against herself.
"I've got some more to say to you," Sheldon pursued. "I did try to protect you from every other man in the Solomons, and from yourself as well. As for me, I didn't dream that danger lay in that quarter. So I failed to protect you from myself. I failed to protect you at all. You went your own wilful44 way, just as though I didn't exist--wrecking schooners45, recruiting on Malaita, and sailing schooners; one lone39, unprotected girl in the company of some of the worst scoundrels in the Solomons. Fowler! and Brahms! and Curtis! And such is the perverseness46 of human nature--I am frank, you see--I love you for that too. I love you for all of you, just as you are."
She made a moue of distaste and raised a hand protestingly.
"Don't," he said. "You have no right to recoil47 from the mention of my love for you. Remember this is a man-talk. From the point of view of the talk, you are a man. The woman in you is only incidental, accidental, and irrelevant. You've got to listen to the bald statement of fact, strange though it is, that I love you."
"And now I won't bother you any more about love. We'll go on the same as before. You are better off and safer on Berande, in spite of the fact that I love you, than anywhere else in the Solomons. But I want you, as a final item of man-talk, to remember, from time to time, that I love you, and that it will be the dearest day of my life when you consent to marry me. I want you to think of it sometimes. You can't help but think of it sometimes. And now we won't talk about it any more. As between men, there's my hand."
He held out his hand. She hesitated, then gripped it heartily48, and smiled through her tears.
"I wish--" she faltered49, "I wish, instead of that black Mary, you'd given me somebody to swear for me."
And with this enigmatic utterance50 she turned away.
收听单词发音 |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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adept
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| adj.老练的，精通的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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immature
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| adj.未成熟的，发育未全的，未充分发展的 | |
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encumbrance
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| n.妨碍物，累赘 | |
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antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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plantation
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| n.种植园，大农场 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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puckered
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| v.（使某物）起褶子或皱纹( pucker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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apropos
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| adv.恰好地；adj.恰当的；关于 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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partnership
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| n.合作关系，伙伴关系 | |
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maidenly
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| adj. 像处女的, 谨慎的, 稳静的 | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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flickered
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| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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indignities
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| n.侮辱，轻蔑( indignity的名词复数 ) | |
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vituperative
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| adj.谩骂的；斥责的 | |
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consistency
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| n.一贯性，前后一致，稳定性；(液体的)浓度 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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rigidly
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| adv.刻板地，僵化地 | |
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undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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rebelliously
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| adv.造反地，难以控制地 | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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yearn
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| v.想念；怀念；渴望 | |
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gage
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| n.标准尺寸，规格；量规，量表 [=gauge] | |
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wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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schooners
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| n.（有两个以上桅杆的）纵帆船( schooner的名词复数 ) | |
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perverseness
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| n. 乖张, 倔强, 顽固 | |
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47
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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48
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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49
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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