All this was as pleasant a manner of passing the time as any other, for it didn’t prevent his old-world corner from closing round him more entirely1, nor stand in the way of his making out from day to day some new source as well as some new effect of its virtue2. He was really scared at moments at some of the liberties he took in talk — at finding himself so familiar; for the great note of the place was just that a certain modern ease had never crossed its threshold, that quick intimacies3 and quick oblivions were a stranger to its air. It had known in all its days no rude, no loud invasion. Serenely4 unconscious of most contemporary things, it had been so of nothing so much as of the diffused5 social practice of running in and out. Granger held his breath on occasions to think how Addie would run. There were moments when, more than at others, for some reason, he heard her step on the staircase and her cry in the hall. If he nevertheless played freely with the idea with which we have shown him as occupied it wasn’t that in all palpable ways he didn’t sacrifice so far as mortally possible to stillness. He only hovered6, ever so lightly, to take up again his thread. She wouldn’t hear of his leaving her, of his being in the least fit again, as she said, to travel. She spoke7 of the journey to London~-which was in fact a matter of many hours — as an experiment fraught8 with lurking9 complications. He added then day to day, yet only hereby, as he reminded her, giving other complications a larger chance to multiply. He kept it before her, when there was nothing else to do, that she must consider; after which he had his times of fear that she perhaps really would make for him this sacrifice.
He knew she had written again to Paris, and knew he must himself again write — a situation abounding10 for each in the elements of a plight11. If he stayed so long why then he wasn’t better, and if he wasn’t better Addie might take it into her head —! They must make it clear that he WAS better, so that, suspicious, alarmed at what was kept from her, she shouldn’t suddenly present herself to nurse him. If he was better, however, why did he stay so long? If he stayed only for the attraction the sense of the attraction might be contagious12. This was what finally grew clearest for him, so that he had for his mild disciple13 hours of still sharper prophecy. It consorted14 with his fancy to represent to her that their young friend had been by this time unsparingly warned; but nothing could be plainer than that this was ineffectual so long as he himself resisted the ordeal15. To plead that he remained because he was too weak to move was only to throw themselves back on the other horn of their dilemma16. If he was too weak to move Addie would bring him her strength — of which, when she got there, she would give them specimens17 enough. One morning he broke out at breakfast with an intimate conviction. They’d see that she was actually starting — they’d receive a wire by noon. They didn’t receive it, but by his theory the portent18 was only the stronger. It had moreover its grave as well as its gay side, since Granger’s paradox19 and pleasantry were only the method most open to him of conveying what he felt. He literally20 heard the knell21 sound, and in expressing this to Miss Wenham with the conversational22 freedom that seemed best to pay his way he the more vividly23 faced the contingency24. He could never return, and though he announced it with a despair that did what might be to make it pass as a joke, he saw how, whether or no she at last understood, she quite at last believed him. On this, to his knowledge, she wrote again to Addie, and the contents of her letter excited his curiosity. But that sentiment, though not assuaged25, quite dropped when, the day after, in the evening, she let him know she had had a telegram an hour before.
“She comes Thursday.”
He showed not the least surprise. It was the deep calm of the fatalist. It HAD to be. “I must leave you then to-morrow.”
She looked, on this, as he had never seen her; it would have been hard to say whether what showed in her face was the last failure to follow or the first effort to meet. “And really not to come back?”
“Never, never, dear lady. Why should I come back? You can never be again what you HAVE been. I shall have seen the last of you.”
“Oh!” she touchingly26 urged.
“Yes, for I should next find you simply brought to self~consciousness. You’ll be exactly what you are, I charitably admit~-nothing more or less, nothing different. But you’ll be it all in a different way. We live in an age of prodigious27 machinery28, all organised to a single end. That end is publicity29 — a publicity as ferocious30 as the appetite of a cannibal. The thing therefore is not to have any illusions — fondly to flatter yourself in a muddled31 moment that the cannibal will spare you. He spares nobody. He spares nothing. It will be all right. You’ll have a lovely time. You’ll be only just a public character — blown about the world ‘for all you’re worth,’ and proclaimed ‘for all you’re worth’ on the house-tops. It will be for THAT, mind, I quite recognise — because Addie is superior — as well as for all you aren’t. So good-bye.”
He remained however till the next day, and noted32 at intervals33 the different stages of their friend’s journey; the hour, this time, she would really have started, the hour she’d reach Dover, the hour she’d get to town, where she’d alight at Mrs. Dunn’s. Perhaps she’d bring Mrs. Dunn, for Mrs. Dunn would swell34 the chorus. At the last, on the morrow, as if in anticipation35 of this stillness settled between them: he became as silent as his hostess. But before he went she brought out shyly and anxiously, as an appeal, the question that for hours had clearly been giving her thought. “Do you meet her then to-night in London?”
“Dear no. In what position am I, alas36! to do that? When can I EVER meet her again?” He had turned it all over. “If I could meet Addie after this, you know, I could meet YOU. And if I do meet Addie,” he lucidly37 pursued, “what will happen by the same stroke is that I SHALL meet you. And that’s just what I’ve explained to you I dread38.”
“You mean she and I will be inseparable?”
He hesitated. “I mean she’ll tell me all about you. I can hear her and her ravings now.”
She gave again — and it was infinitely39 sad — her little whinnying laugh. “Oh but if what you say is true you’ll know.”
“Ah but Addie won’t! Won’t, I mean, know that I know — or at least won’t believe it. Won’t believe that any one knows. Such,” he added with a strange smothered40 sigh, “is Addie. Do you know,” he wound up, “that what, after all, has most definitely happened is that you’ve made me see her as I’ve never done before?”
She blinked and gasped41, she wondered and despaired. “Oh no, it will be YOU. I’ve had nothing to do with it. Everything’s all you!”
But for all it mattered now! “You’ll see,” he said, “that she’s charming. I shall go for to-night to Oxford42. I shall almost cross her on the way.”
“Then if she’s charming what am I to tell her from you in explanation of such strange behaviour as your flying away just as she arrives?”
“Ah you needn’t mind about that — you needn’t tell her anything.”
She fixed43 him as if as never again. “It’s none of my business, of course I feel; but isn’t it a little cruel if you’re engaged?”
Granger gave a laugh almost as odd as one of her own. “Oh you’ve cost me that!” — and he put out his hand to her.
She wondered while she took it. “Cost you —?”
“We’re not engaged. Good-bye.”
The End
收听单词发音 |
1
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
virtue
|
|
| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
intimacies
|
|
| 亲密( intimacy的名词复数 )； 密切； 亲昵的言行； 性行为 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
serenely
|
|
| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
diffused
|
|
| 散布的，普及的，扩散的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
hovered
|
|
| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
fraught
|
|
| adj.充满…的，伴有(危险等)的；忧虑的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
lurking
|
|
| 潜在 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
abounding
|
|
| adj.丰富的，大量的v.大量存在，充满，富于( abound的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
plight
|
|
| n.困境，境况，誓约，艰难；vt.宣誓，保证，约定 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
contagious
|
|
| adj.传染性的，有感染力的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
disciple
|
|
| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
consorted
|
|
| v.结伴( consort的过去式和过去分词 )；交往；相称；调和 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
ordeal
|
|
| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
dilemma
|
|
| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
specimens
|
|
| n.样品( specimen的名词复数 )；范例；（化验的）抽样；某种类型的人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
portent
|
|
| n.预兆；恶兆；怪事 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
paradox
|
|
| n.似乎矛盾却正确的说法；自相矛盾的人(物) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
literally
|
|
| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
knell
|
|
| n.丧钟声；v.敲丧钟 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
conversational
|
|
| adj.对话的，会话的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
vividly
|
|
| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
contingency
|
|
| n.意外事件，可能性 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
assuaged
|
|
| v.减轻( assuage的过去式和过去分词 )；缓和；平息；使安静 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
touchingly
|
|
| adv.令人同情地，感人地，动人地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
prodigious
|
|
| adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
machinery
|
|
| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
publicity
|
|
| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
ferocious
|
|
| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
muddled
|
|
| adj.混乱的；糊涂的；头脑昏昏然的v.弄乱，弄糟( muddle的过去式)；使糊涂；对付，混日子 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
noted
|
|
| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
intervals
|
|
| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
swell
|
|
| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
anticipation
|
|
| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
alas
|
|
| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
lucidly
|
|
| adv.清透地，透明地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
dread
|
|
| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
infinitely
|
|
| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
smothered
|
|
| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
gasped
|
|
| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
Oxford
|
|
| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
fixed
|
|
| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |