She was occasionally worried, however this might be, by the impression that these sacrifices, great as they were, were nothing to those that his own passion had imposed; if indeed it was not rather the passion of his confederate, which had caught him up and was whirling him round like a great steam-wheel. He was at any rate in the strong grip of a dizzy splendid fate; the wild wind of his life blew him straight before it. Didn’t she catch in his face at times, even through his smile and his happy habit, the gleam of that pale glare with which a bewildered victim appeals, as he passes, to some pair of pitying eyes? He perhaps didn’t even himself know how scared he was; but she knew. They were in danger, they were in danger, Captain Everard and Lady Bradeen: it beat every novel in the shop. She thought of Mr. Mudge and his safe sentiment; she thought of herself and blushed even more for her tepid1 response to it. It was a comfort to her at such moments to feel that in another relation — a relation supplying that affinity2 with her nature that Mr. Mudge, deluded3 creature, would never supply — she should have been no more tepid than her ladyship. Her deepest soundings were on two or three occasions of finding herself almost sure that, if she dared, her ladyship’s lover would have gathered relief from “speaking” to her. She literally4 fancied once or twice that, projected as he was toward his doom5, her own eyes struck him, while the air roared in his ears, as the one pitying pair in the crowd. But how could he speak to her while she sat sandwiched there between the counter-clerk and the sounder?
She had long ago, in her comings and goings made acquaintance with Park Chambers6 and reflected as she looked up at their luxurious7 front that they of course would supply the ideal setting for the ideal speech. There was not an object in London that, before the season was over, was more stamped upon her brain. She went roundabout to pass it, for it was not on the short way; she passed on the opposite side of the street and always looked up, though it had taken her a long time to be sure of the particular set of windows. She had made that out finally by an act of audacity8 that at the time had almost stopped her heart-beats and that in retrospect9 greatly quickened her blushes. One evening she had lingered late and watched — watched for some moment when the porter, who was in uniform and often on the steps, had gone in with a visitor. Then she followed boldly, on the calculation that he would have taken the visitor up and that the hall would be free. The hall was free, and the electric light played over the gilded10 and lettered board that showed the names and numbers of the occupants of the different floors. What she wanted looked straight at her — Captain Everard was on the third. It was as if, in the immense intimacy11 of this, they were, for the instant and the first time, face to face outside the cage. Alas12! they were face to face but a second or two: she was whirled out on the wings of a panic fear that he might just then be entering or issuing. This fear was indeed, in her shameless deflexions, never very far from her, and was mixed in the oddest way with depressions and disappointments. It was dreadful, as she trembled by, to run the risk of looking to him as if she basely hung about; and yet it was dreadful to be obliged to pass only at such moments as put an encounter out of the question.
At the horrible hour of her first coming to Cocker’s he was always — it was to be hoped — snug13 in bed; and at the hour of her final departure he was of course — she had such things all on her fingers’-ends — dressing14 for dinner. We may let it pass that if she couldn’t bring herself to hover15 till he was dressed, this was simply because such a process for such a person could only be terribly prolonged. When she went in the middle of the day to her own dinner she had too little time to do anything but go straight, though it must be added that for a real certainty she would joyously16 have omitted the repast. She had made up her mind as to there being on the whole no decent pretext17 to justify18 her flitting casually19 past at three o’clock in the morning. That was the hour at which, if the ha’penny novels were not all wrong, he probably came home for the night. She was therefore reduced to the vainest figuration of the miraculous20 meeting toward which a hundred impossibilities would have to conspire21. But if nothing was more impossible than the fact, nothing was more intense than the vision. What may not, we can only moralise, take place in the quickened muffled22 perception of a young person with an ardent23 soul? All our humble24 friend’s native distinction, her refinement25 of personal grain, of heredity, of pride, took refuge in this small throbbing26 spot; for when she was most conscious of the objection of her vanity and the pitifulness of her little flutters and manoeuvres, then the consolation27 and the redemption were most sure to glow before her in some just discernible sign. He did like her!
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tepid
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| adj.微温的，温热的，不太热心的 | |
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affinity
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| n.亲和力，密切关系 | |
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deluded
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| v.欺骗，哄骗( delude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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luxurious
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| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
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audacity
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| n.大胆，卤莽，无礼 | |
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retrospect
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| n.回顾，追溯；v.回顾，回想，追溯 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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hover
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| vi.翱翔，盘旋；徘徊；彷徨，犹豫 | |
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joyously
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| ad.快乐地, 高兴地 | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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conspire
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| v.密谋，（事件等）巧合，共同导致 | |
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muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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