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首页 » 儿童英文小说 » 歪歪小学的荒诞故事 Sideways Stories from Wayside School » Chapter 12
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Chapter 12
Jason had a small face and a big mouth. He had the second biggest mouth in Mrs. Jewls's class. And there were an awful lot of big mouths in that class.

"Mrs. Jewls," Jason called without raising his hand. "Joy is chewing gum in class!"

Joy had the biggest mouth in Mrs. Jewls's class. And it was filled with gum. There was hardly even room for her tongue.

"Joy, I'm ashamed of you," said Mrs. Jewls. "I'm afraid I'll have to put your name up on the board."

"That's okay, Mrs. Jewls," Jason called. "I'll do it."
48Jason hopped out of his seat and wrote Joy's name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.
While he was up, Joy took the glob of gum out of her mouth and placed it on Jason's chair.

Rondi and Allison giggled.

Jason walked back from the blackboard to his desk and sat down. "Mrs. Jewls," he called, "I'm STUCK!"

Rondi and Allison giggled again.

Mrs. Jewls got angry. "Joy, you're going home on the kindergarten bus today."

"Oh, good," said Todd. "I'll have some company." Todd went home on the kindergarten bus every day. He could never seem to make it to twelve o'clock without getting into trouble three times. His name wasn't even up on the blackboard yet. But he knew that by twelve o'clock it would be up, checked, and circled.

"Mrs. Jewls, what am I going to do? I'm stuck! I'm going to have to stay here the rest of my life!" said Jason.

"Joy, tell Jason you're sorry," said Mrs. Jewls.

"I'm sorry, Jason," said Joy.

"Oh, that's okay, Joy," said Jason. "I don't mind."

"Try to get up, Jason," said Mrs. Jewls.

Jason tried. "I can't, Mrs. Jewls. I'm stuck."

Mrs. Jewls asked the three Erics to help. Eric Fry and Eric Ovens pulled Jason. Eric Bacon held the chair.

"Stop," cried Jason. "You'll rip my pants."

Rondi and Allison giggled.

"All right," said Mrs. Jewls. "Let's try ice water. That should freeze the gum and make it less sticky. I'll go get some from Miss Mush."

Miss Mush was the lunch teacher at Wayside School. She had the remarkable ability to undercook a dish andovercook it at the same time.
49Her specialty was a nice, hot bowl of mud. She called it porridge.
Jason looked at Rondi and Allison. "No, Mrs. Jewls," he said. "Don't leave me. Besides, Miss Mush's ice water is probably warm."

"Don't be silly, Jason," said Mrs. Jewls. "I'm sure it will be at least as cold as her soups."

Rondi and Allison leered at Jason.

"No, Mrs. Jewls, don't go!" begged Jason.

"I'll be right back, Jason," said Mrs. Jewls. She went to Miss Mush for some ice water.

As soon as Mrs. Jewls stepped out the door, Rondi and Allison jumped up from their seats and started to tickle Jason. He laughed until his hair turned purple. The girls got back to their seats just as Mrs. Jewls returned.

Mrs. Jewls carried a big bucket of ice cold water.

"Oh, no, please don't, no!" Jason pleaded.

"We have no choice," said Mrs. Jewls. She threw the water all over him.

"Well," said Mrs. Jewls, "try to get up."

Jason was drenched. "I'm wet and I'm cold and I'm still stuck!"

"Oh, well, it didn't work," said Mrs. Jewls. "At least we tried. Now I guess we'll have to cut your pants off."

Rondi and Allison giggled.

"No, Mrs. Jewls, no!" Jason screamed. "I don't mind being stuck here. I'm really very comfortable."

"Don't be silly, Jason," said Mrs. Jewls.

"Don't cut off my pants," said Jason.

"The three Erics can carry you to the bathroom,"said Mrs. Jewls.
50"I'll ask Louis to call your mother. She can bring you a new pair of pants."
The three Erics took hold of Jason's chair and turned him upside down.

"No, Mrs. Jewls," said Jason. "Now I'll always have a place to sit down. I won't have to worry about finding a seat on the bus."

The three Erics began to take him away.

"Wait," said Joy. "Mrs. Jewls, if I can get Jason unstuck, do I still have to go home on the kindergarten bus?"

"All right," said Mrs. Jewls. "If you can somehow get Jason free, you don't have to go home early."

"Don't trust her, Mrs. Jewls," said Jason. He was still hanging upside down.

"I'll just kiss him," said Joy.

"No!" Jason screamed. "Don't let her kiss me, Mrs. Jewls. Throw water on me. Tickle me. Cut off my pants. Hang me upside down from the ceiling. But don't let her kiss me!"

"I'll just kiss him on the nose," said Joy.

"We've got nothing to lose, Jason," said Mrs. Jewls.

"Oooooh, who would want to kiss Jason!" said Allison.

Jason hung helplessly upside down.

Joy stepped up and kissed him on the nose.

Jason fell out of the chair and hit his head on the floor.

Rondi and Allison giggled.

"Darn," said Todd. "Now I'll have to go home alone again."

Joy erased her name from the blackboard.


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