26. The Mean Mrs. Jewls 恶毒的朱尔斯老师

Everybody in Mrs. Jewls's class thought she was a very nice teacher.

They were wrong. There is no such thing as a nice teacher.

If you think you have a nice teacher, then you are wrong too.

Inside every nice teacher there is a mean and rotten teacher bursting to get out. The nicer the teacher is on the outside, the meaner the teacher inside is.

As Mrs. Jewls was changing the bulletin board

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before class, a mean and rotten voice whispered inside her brain. "Give the children lots of busy work today," it said. "And then make them do it over again if their handwriting isn't perfect."

Mrs. Jewls tried very hard to ignore the voice. She didn't like giving busy work. Instead she tried to teach the children three new things every day. She believed that if they learned three new things every day, they would eventually learn everything there is to know.

There are some classes where the teachers give so much busy work that the children never learn anything.

"What do you care if the children learn anything?" asked the mean and rotten voice. "It's not your job to teach them. It's your job to punish them. Keep them in at recess¹. Hit them with your yardstick²!"

The bell rang and all the kids scurried³ to their desks.

"We are going to learn three new things today," Mrs. Jewls announced. "How to make pickles⁵, seven plus four, and the capital of England."

All the children paid close attention.

"The capital of England is London," said Mrs. Jewls. "Seven plus four equals eleven. And pickles are made by sticking cucumbers in brine."

On her desk she had a box of cucumbers and a vat⁶ of brine for a demonstration⁷.

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"Okay, Joe," said Mrs. Jewls. "How much is seven plus four?"

Joe shrugged⁸.

"But I just told you, Joe," said Mrs. Jewls. "Weren't you listening?"

"I don't know," said Joe.

"Okay, who can tell me how pickles are made? Yes, Jason."

"Eleven!" Jason declared.

Mrs. Jewls frowned. "That's a correct answer," she said, "but unfortunately I didn't ask the right question. Can anyone tell me how pickles are made? Yes, Bebe."

"In London," said Bebe.

"I suppose they make some pickles in London," said Mrs. Jewls. "Okay, let's start again. Calvin, what's the capital of England?"

"Could you write England on the board?" asked Calvin. "I can do a lot better when I can see the question."

Mrs. Jewls wrote England on the board.

"Oh, okay," said Calvin, now that he saw the question. "The capital of England is E."

"Yes, that's one capital of England," Mrs. Jewls had to admit. "Okay, I will say it one more time. The capital of England is London."

"Isn't that where they make all the pickles?" asked Jenny.

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"No, they don't make all the pickles in London," explained Allison. "Just eleven."

"Well, where do they make the rest of the pickles?" asked Stephen.

"Shut up!" shouted Mrs. Jewls. "Well, that does it. You're all staying inside for recess!"

Everyone stared at her. Mrs. Jewls had never told anyone to shut up. It was against the class rules for anyone to use that expression. If you did, you had to write your name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.

Mrs. Jewls put her hand over her mouth, then took it away. "Oh dear, I'm very sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me."

She wrote her own name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.

"Perhaps you'll learn the lesson better if you write it down," she suggested. "Everyone please take out a piece of paper and a pickle⁴."

Everybody laughed.

"Pencil!" snapped Mrs. Jewls. "I meant to say pencil. It just came out pickle."

"I didn't know pickles came from pencils," said Jenny. "I thought they came from cucumbers."

"I thought they came from London," said Todd.

Mrs. Jewls made an ugly face. "Todd, didn't I just tell you to shut up?" she asked. She picked up her

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yardstick and held it over Todd's head. "Well, answer me!" she demanded. "Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

"Yes," said Todd.

"How dare you talk back to me!" snapped Mrs. Jewls. "Didn't I just tell you to shut up?"

Todd kept his mouth shut.

"Well, answer me!" she demanded.

Todd didn't know what to do. He nodded his head.

"Keep still!" ordered Mrs. Jewls. "Now I don't want you to say another word, is that clear?"

Todd stared at her.

"Is that clear?" she asked again.

"Yes," Todd said meekly⁹.

Mrs. Jewls slammed down the yardstick. Todd quickly moved out of the way. The yardstick banged against his desk and broke in half.

Mrs. Jewls stared at the eighteen inches she held in her hand. "Oh my goodness," she said. "I'm sorry, Todd. I don't know what's the matter with me today. I must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

She put a check next to her name under the word DISCIPLINE.

"Okay, let me try to make this very simple," she said. "If I have seven cucumbers. And then I get

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four more cucumbers. And then I drop all the cucumbers in brine and take them to the capital of England. What do I have? How many? And where am I?"

"Huh?" said D.J.

"What?" asked John.

"Could you write the question on the board, please?" asked Rondi.

"Shut up!" Mrs. Jewls yelled a third time. In a mocking voice she said, " 'Could you write the question on the board, please?' You kids think you are so cute! Well, we'll see just how cute you really are." She picked up the vat of brine from her desk. "How would you like it if I poured this on your heads? You won't be so cute when you're all shriveled up and covered with warts¹⁰, like pickles!"

She walked up and down the aisles¹¹ carrying the pickle juice and glaring at the children.

No one dared make a sound.

She stopped next to Leslie. "How about you, Leslie?" she asked. "How would you like pickled pigtails?"

Leslie trembled. Her pigtails wiggled.

"Well, I'm going to ask you three questions, Leslie," said Mrs. Jewls. "And if you don't answer them all correctly, I'm going to dump this on your head."

Leslie gulped¹².

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"Question one," said Mrs. Jewls. "How much is seven plus four?"

Leslie quickly tried to count on her fingers but she didn't have enough. "Eleven?" she guessed.

A look of disappointment came over Mrs. Jewls's face. "Okay, question two: What is the capital of England?"

"L-London," Leslie said nervously¹³.

"Rats!" said Mrs. Jewls. "Okay, question three." She looked down at the vat of brine she was holding and shook her head. She thought a moment, then smiled. "What is the name of my cousin who lives in Vermont?"

Leslie had no idea, so she just had to take a wild guess. She closed her eyes and said, "Fred Jewls?"

"Wrong!" exlaimed Mrs. Jewls. She raised the vat of brine high above Leslie's head and started to tip it over.

Paul jumped out of his seat. Those pigtails had once saved his life. Now it was his turn to return the favor!

He pushed the vat of brine back the other way. He was just trying to push it up straight, but he pushed too hard. It poured all over Mrs. Jewls, drenching¹⁴ her.

Paul froze in terror.

Mrs. Jewls blinked her eyes. Pickle juice dripped

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down her face. "Thanks, Paul," she said. "I needed that."

The brine had cured her.

She circled her name on the blackboard and sent herself home early on the kindergarten bus.

1 recess   

n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处）

参考例句：

• The chairman of the meeting announced a ten-minute recess.会议主席宣布休会10分钟。
• Parliament was hastily recalled from recess.休会的议员被匆匆召回开会。

2 yardstick   

n.计算标准，尺度；评价标准

参考例句：

• This is a yardstick for measuring whether a person is really progressive.这是衡量一个人是否真正进步的标准。
• She was a yardstick against which I could measure my achievements.她是一个我可以用来衡量我的成就的准绳。

3 scurried   

v.急匆匆地走( scurry的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She said goodbye and scurried back to work. 她说声再见，然后扭头跑回去干活了。
• It began to rain and we scurried for shelter. 下起雨来，我们急忙找地方躲避。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 pickle   

n.腌汁，泡菜；v.腌，泡

参考例句：

• Mother used to pickle onions.妈妈过去常腌制洋葱。
• Meat can be preserved in pickle.肉可以保存在卤水里。

5 pickles   

n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 )；处于困境；遇到麻烦；菜酱

参考例句：

• Most people eat pickles at breakfast. 大多数人早餐吃腌菜。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I want their pickles and wines, and that.' 我要他们的泡菜、美酒和所有其他东西。” 来自英汉文学 - 金银岛

6 vat   

n.(=value added tax)增值税，大桶

参考例句：

• The office is asking for the vat papers.办事处要有关增值税的文件。
• His father emptied sacks of stale rye bread into the vat.他父亲把一袋袋发霉的黑面包倒进大桶里。

7 demonstration   

n.表明，示范，论证，示威

参考例句：

• His new book is a demonstration of his patriotism.他写的新书是他的爱国精神的证明。
• He gave a demonstration of the new technique then and there.他当场表演了这种新的操作方法。

8 shrugged   

vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• Sam shrugged and said nothing. 萨姆耸耸肩膀，什么也没说。
• She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩，装出一副无所谓的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 meekly   

adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地

参考例句：

• He stood aside meekly when the new policy was proposed. 当有人提出新政策时，他唯唯诺诺地站 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He meekly accepted the rebuke. 他顺从地接受了批评。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 warts   

n.疣( wart的名词复数 )；肉赘；树瘤；缺点

参考例句：

• You agreed to marry me, warts and all! 是你同意和我结婚的，我又没掩饰缺陷。 来自辞典例句
• Talk about trying to cure warts with spunk-water such a blame fool way as that! 用那样糊涂蛋的方法还谈什么仙水治疣子！ 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

11 aisles   

n. (席位间的)通道, 侧廊

参考例句：

• Aisles were added to the original Saxon building in the Norman period. 在诺曼时期，原来的萨克森风格的建筑物都增添了走廊。
• They walked about the Abbey aisles, and presently sat down. 他们走到大教堂的走廊附近，并且很快就坐了下来。

12 gulped   

v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的过去式和过去分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住

参考例句：

• He gulped down the rest of his tea and went out. 他把剩下的茶一饮而尽便出去了。
• She gulped nervously, as if the question bothered her. 她紧张地咽了一下，似乎那问题把她难住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 nervously   

adv.神情激动地，不安地

参考例句：

• He bit his lip nervously,trying not to cry.他紧张地咬着唇，努力忍着不哭出来。
• He paced nervously up and down on the platform.他在站台上情绪不安地走来走去。

14 drenching   

n.湿透v.使湿透( drench的现在分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体）

参考例句：

• A black cloudburst was drenching Siena at midday. 中午，一场天昏地暗的暴风雨在锡耶纳上空倒下来。 来自辞典例句
• A drenching rain poured down and the rising hurricane drove it in sheets along the ground. 一阵倾盆大雨泼下来了，越来越大的狂风把它顺着地面刮成了一片一片的雨幕。 来自辞典例句