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THE STAMP DUTY ON SCOTCH LINEN.
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SONNET1
TO A SCOTCH2 GIRL, WASHING LINEN3 AFTER HER COUNTRY FASHION.
WELL done and wetly, thou Fair Maid of Perth,
Thou mak’st a washing picture well deserving
The pen and pencilling of Washington Irving:
Like dripping Naiad, pearly from her birth,
[Pg 52]
Dashing about the water of the Firth,
To cleanse4 the calico of Mrs. Skirving,
And never from thy dance of duty swerving5
As there were nothing else than dirt on earth!
Yet what is thy reward? Nay6, do not start!
I do not mean to give thee a new damper,
But while thou fillest this industrious7 part
Of washer, wearer, mangler8, presser, stamper,
Deserving better character—thou art
What Bodkin would but call—“a common tramper.”
MY APOLOGY.
GENTLE READERS,
For the present month, there must be what Dr. Johnson called a solution of continuity in my “Literary Reminiscences.” Confined to my chamber9 by what ought to be termed roomatism—then attacked by my old livery complaint—and finally, by a minor10, but troublesome malady11, the Present has too much prevailed over the Past, to let me indulge in any retrospective reviews. In such cases, on the stage, when a Performer is unable to support his character, a substitute is usually found to read the part; but, unfortunately, in the present case there is no part written, and consequently it cannot be read. But apropos12 of theatricals—there is an anecdote13 on point.
In the Olympic days of the great Elliston, there was one evening a tremendous tumult14 at his Theatre, in consequence of the absence of a favourite performer. One man in the pit—a Butcher—was especially vociferous15 in his cry for “Carl! Carl! Carl!” Others called for the Manager, who duly made his appearance, and black as the weather looked, he was the very sort of pilot to weather the storm. With one of his princely bows
[Pg 53]
 he proceeded to address the House. “Ladies and Gentlemen—but by your leave I will address myself to a single individual. I will ask that gentleman (pointing to the vociferous Butcher) what right he has to demand the appearance of Mr. Carl?”
“’Cos,” said the Butcher, “’cos he’s down in the Bill.” Such an undeniable answer would have staggered any other Manager than Elliston, but he was not easily to be disconcerted. “Because he is down in the bill!” he echoed, in a tone of the loftiest indignation: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the Mr. Carl, so unseasonably, so vociferously16 and so unfeelingly called for, is at this very moment labouring under severe illness—he is in bed. And let me ask, is a man, a fellow-creature, a human being, to be torn from his couch, from his home, on a cold night, from the affectionate attentions of his wife and family, at the risk of his valuable life perhaps, to go through a fatiguing17 part because he happens to be DOWN IN THE BILL?” [Cries of “Shame, shame!” from all parts of the house.] “And yet, ladies and gentlemen, there stands a man—if I may call him so—a Butcher, that for his own selfish gratification—the amusement of a few short hours—would risk the very existence of a deserving member of society, a good husband, father, friend, and one of your favourite actors, and all, forsooth, because he is DOWN IN THE BILL!” [Universal hooting18, with cries of “Turn him out.”] “By all means,” acquiesced19 the Manager, with one of his best bows—and the indignant pittites actually hooted20 and kicked their own champion out of the theatre, as something more than a Butcher, and less than a Christian21.
Now I am myself, gentle readers, in the same predicament with Mr. Carl. Like him I am an invalid—and like him I am unfortunately down in the Bill. It would not become me to set forth22 my own domestic or social virtues23, or to hint what sort of gap my loss would make in society—still less would it consist with modesty24 to compare myself with a favourite actor—but as
[Pg 54]
 a mere25 human being I throw myself on your mercy, and ask, in common charity, would you have had me leave my warm bed, to shiver in a printer’s damp sheets, at the risk of my reputation perhaps, and for the mere amusement of some half hour, or more probably for no amusement at all—simply because I was “down in the Bill?”
But there is no such Butcher, or Butcheress, or little Butcherling, amongst you; and by your good leave and patience, the instalment of my Reminiscences that is over due, shall be paid with interest in the NEXT NUMBER.

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1 sonnet Lw9wD     
n.十四行诗
参考例句:
  • The composer set a sonnet to music.作曲家为一首十四行诗谱了曲。
  • He wrote a sonnet to his beloved.他写了一首十四行诗,献给他心爱的人。
2 scotch ZZ3x8     
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的
参考例句:
  • Facts will eventually scotch these rumours.这种谣言在事实面前将不攻自破。
  • Italy was full of fine views and virtually empty of Scotch whiskey.意大利多的是美景,真正缺的是苏格兰威士忌。
3 linen W3LyK     
n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的
参考例句:
  • The worker is starching the linen.这名工人正在给亚麻布上浆。
  • Fine linen and cotton fabrics were known as well as wool.精细的亚麻织品和棉织品像羊毛一样闻名遐迩。
4 cleanse 7VoyT     
vt.使清洁,使纯洁,清洗
参考例句:
  • Health experts are trying to cleanse the air in cities. 卫生专家们正设法净化城市里的空气。
  • Fresh fruit juices can also cleanse your body and reduce dark circles.新鲜果汁同样可以清洁你的身体,并对黑眼圈同样有抑制作用。
5 swerving 2985a28465f4fed001065d9efe723271     
v.(使)改变方向,改变目的( swerve的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • It may stand as an example of the fitful swerving of his passion. 这是一个例子,说明他的情绪往往变化不定,忽冷忽热。 来自辞典例句
  • Mrs Merkel would be foolish to placate her base by swerving right. 默克尔夫人如果为了安抚她的根基所在而转到右翼就太愚蠢了。 来自互联网
6 nay unjzAQ     
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者
参考例句:
  • He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的,不,应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
  • Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章,不,应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。
7 industrious a7Axr     
adj.勤劳的,刻苦的,奋发的
参考例句:
  • If the tiller is industrious,the farmland is productive.人勤地不懒。
  • She was an industrious and willing worker.她是个勤劳肯干的员工。
8 mangler 325cbe317d928810369106b0ffb832d9     
n.乱切者;(布单的)砑光机;(橡胶的)压延机;压甘蔗机
参考例句:
9 chamber wnky9     
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所
参考例句:
  • For many,the dentist's surgery remains a torture chamber.对许多人来说,牙医的治疗室一直是间受刑室。
  • The chamber was ablaze with light.会议厅里灯火辉煌。
10 minor e7fzR     
adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修
参考例句:
  • The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
  • I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。
11 malady awjyo     
n.病,疾病(通常做比喻)
参考例句:
  • There is no specific remedy for the malady.没有医治这种病的特效药。
  • They are managing to control the malady into a small range.他们设法将疾病控制在小范围之内。
12 apropos keky3     
adv.恰好地;adj.恰当的;关于
参考例句:
  • I thought he spoke very apropos.我认为他说得很中肯。
  • He arrived very apropos.他来得很及时。
13 anecdote 7wRzd     
n.轶事,趣闻,短故事
参考例句:
  • He departed from the text to tell an anecdote.他偏离课文讲起了一则轶事。
  • It had never been more than a family anecdote.那不过是个家庭趣谈罢了。
14 tumult LKrzm     
n.喧哗;激动,混乱;吵闹
参考例句:
  • The tumult in the streets awakened everyone in the house.街上的喧哗吵醒了屋子里的每一个人。
  • His voice disappeared under growing tumult.他的声音消失在越来越响的喧哗声中。
15 vociferous 7LjzP     
adj.喧哗的,大叫大嚷的
参考例句:
  • They are holding a vociferous debate.他们在吵吵嚷嚷地辩论。
  • He was a vociferous opponent of Conservatism.他高声反对保守主义。
16 vociferously e42d60481bd86e6634ec59331d23991f     
adv.喊叫地,吵闹地
参考例句:
  • They are arguing vociferously over who should pay the bill. 他们为谁该付账单大声争吵。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Annixter had cursed him so vociferously and tersely that even Osterman was cowed. 安尼克斯特骂了他的声音之大,语气之凶,连奥斯特曼也不禁吓了一跳。 来自辞典例句
17 fatiguing ttfzKm     
a.使人劳累的
参考例句:
  • He was fatiguing himself with his writing, no doubt. 想必他是拼命写作,写得精疲力尽了。
  • Machines are much less fatiguing to your hands, arms, and back. 使用机器时,手、膊和后背不会感到太累。
18 hooting f69e3a288345bbea0b49ddc2fbe5fdc6     
(使)作汽笛声响,作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 ); 倒好儿; 倒彩
参考例句:
  • He had the audience hooting with laughter . 他令观众哄堂大笑。
  • The owl was hooting. 猫头鹰在叫。
19 acquiesced 03acb9bc789f7d2955424223e0a45f1b     
v.默认,默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Senior government figures must have acquiesced in the cover-up. 政府高级官员必然已经默许掩盖真相。
  • After a lot of persuasion,he finally acquiesced. 经过多次劝说,他最终默许了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
20 hooted 8df924a716d9d67e78a021e69df38ba5     
(使)作汽笛声响,作汽车喇叭声( hoot的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • An owl hooted nearby. 一只猫头鹰在附近啼叫。
  • The crowd hooted and jeered at the speaker. 群众向那演讲人发出轻蔑的叫嚣和嘲笑。
21 Christian KVByl     
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒
参考例句:
  • They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
  • His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。
22 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
23 virtues cd5228c842b227ac02d36dd986c5cd53     
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处
参考例句:
  • Doctors often extol the virtues of eating less fat. 医生常常宣扬少吃脂肪的好处。
  • She delivered a homily on the virtues of family life. 她进行了一场家庭生活美德方面的说教。
24 modesty REmxo     
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素
参考例句:
  • Industry and modesty are the chief factors of his success.勤奋和谦虚是他成功的主要因素。
  • As conceit makes one lag behind,so modesty helps one make progress.骄傲使人落后,谦虚使人进步。
25 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。


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