The brawn—it never enter’d in his thought;
The grated Parmesan remained untasted;
The potted shrimps2 were left as they were bought,
The capelings stood as merely good for nought4,
The German sausage did not tempt5 him better,
Whilst Juno, licking her poor lips, was taught
[Pg 297]
There’s neither bone nor skin about a letter,
Gristle, nor scalp, that one can give a setter.
Heav’n bless the man who first devised a mail!
Heav’n bless that public pile which stands concealing6
The Goldsmiths’ front with such a solid veil!
Heav’n bless the Master, and Sir Francis Freeling,
The drags, the nags7, the leading or the wheeling,
The whips, the guards, the horns, the coats of scarlet8,
The boxes, bags, those evening bells a-pealing!
Heav’n bless, in short, each posting thing, and varlet
That helps a Werter to a sigh from Charlotte.
So felt Lorenzo as he oped the sheet,
Where, first, the darling signature he kiss’d,
And then, recurring9 to its contents sweet
With thirsty eyes, a phrase I must enlist10,
He gulp’d the words to hasten to their gist11;
In mortal ecstasy12 his soul was bound—
When, lo! with features all at once a-twist,
He gave a whistle, wild enough in sound
To summon Faustus’s Infernal Hound!
Alas13! what little miffs and tiffs14 in love,
A snubbish word, or pouting15 look mistaken,
Will loosen screws with sweethearts hand and glove,
Oh! love, rock firm when chimney-pots were shaken,
A pettish16 breath will into huffs awaken17,
To spit like hump-back’d cats, and snarling18 Towzers!
Till hearts are wreck’d and founder’d, and forsaken19,
As ships go to Old Davy, Lord knows how, Sirs,
While heav’n is blue enough for Dutchmen’s trowsers!
“The moon’s at full, love, and I think of you”—
Who would have thought that such a kind P.S.
[Pg 298]
Could make a man turn white, then red, then blue,
Then black, and knit his eyebrows20 and compress
His teeth, as if about to effervesce21
Like certain people when they lose at whist!
So look’d the chafed22 Lorenzo, ne’ertheless,
And, in a trice, the paper he had kiss’d
Was crumpled23 like a snowball in his fist!
Ah! had he been less versed24 in scientifics,
More ignorant, in short, of what is what:
He ne’er had flared25 up in such calorifics;
But he would seek societies, and trot26
To clubs, Mechanics’ institutes, and got
With Birkbeck—Bartley—Combe—George Robins—Rennie,
And other lecturing men. And had he not
That work, of weekly parts, which sells so many,
The Copper-bottomed Magazine—or “Penny?”
But, of all learned pools whereon, or in,
Men dive like dabchicks, or like swallows skim,
Some hardly damp’d, some wetted to the skin,
Some drown’d like pigs when they attempt to swim,
Astronomy was most Lorenzo’s whim27,
(’Tis studied by a Prince amongst the Burmans);
He loved those heavenly bodies which, the Hymn28
Of Addison declares, preach solemn sermons,
While waltzing on their pivots29 like young Germans.
Night after night, with telescope in hand,
Supposing that the night was fair and clear,
Aloft, on the house-top, he took his stand,
Till he obtained to know each twinkling sphere
Better, I doubt, than Milton’s “Starry Vere;”
Thus, reading thro’ poor Ellen’s fond epistle,
He soon espied30 the flaw—the lapse31 so sheer
[Pg 299]
That made him raise his hair in such a bristle32,
And like the Boatswain of the Storm-Ship whistle.
“The moon’s at full, love, and I think of thee,”—
“Indeed! I’m very much her humble33 debtor34,
But not the moon-calf she would have me be,
Zounds! does she fancy that I know no better?”
Herewith, at either corner of the letter
He gave a most ferocious35, rending36, pull;—
“O woman! woman! that no vows37 can fetter38,
A moon to stay for three weeks at the full!
By Jove! a very pretty cock-and-bull!
“The moon at full! ’twas very finely reckon’d!
Why so she wrote me word upon the first—
The twelfth, and now upon the twenty-second—
Full!—yes—it must be full enough to burst!
But let her go—of all vile39 jilts the worst”—
Here with his thumbs he gave contemptuous snaps,
Anon he blubber’d like the child that’s nurs’d,
And then he hit the table frightful40 raps,
And stamped till he had broken both his straps41.
“The moon’s at full—and I am in her thought—
No doubt; I do believe it in my soul!”
Here he threw up his head, and gave a snort
Like a young horse first harness’d to a pole:
“The moon is full—aye, so is this d—d bowl!”
And, grinning like the sourest of curmudgeons42,
Globe—water—fishes—he dash’d down the whole,
Strewing43 the carpet with the gasping44 gudgeons;
Men do the strangest things in such love-dudgeons.
“I fill her thoughts—her memory’s vice-gerent?
No, no,—some paltry45 puppy—three weeks old—
[Pg 300]
And round as Norval’s shield”—thus incoherent
His fancies grew as he went on to scold;
So stormy waves are into breakers roll’d,
Work’d up at last to mere3 chaotic46 wroth—
This—that—heads—tails—thoughts jumbled47 uncontroll’d
As onions, turnips48, meat, in boiling broth49,
By turns bob up, and splutter in the froth.
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1
broiling
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adj.酷热的,炽热的,似烧的v.(用火)烤(焙、炙等)( broil的现在分词 );使卷入争吵;使混乱;被烤(或炙) | |
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2
shrimps
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n.虾,小虾( shrimp的名词复数 );矮小的人 | |
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mere
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adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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nought
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n./adj.无,零 | |
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tempt
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vt.引诱,勾引,吸引,引起…的兴趣 | |
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concealing
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v.隐藏,隐瞒,遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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nags
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n.不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的名词复数 );不断地烦扰或伤害(某人);无休止地抱怨;不断指责v.不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的第三人称单数 );不断地烦扰或伤害(某人);无休止地抱怨;不断指责 | |
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8
scarlet
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n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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recurring
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adj.往复的,再次发生的 | |
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enlist
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vt.谋取(支持等),赢得;征募;vi.入伍 | |
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gist
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n.要旨;梗概 | |
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ecstasy
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n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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alas
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int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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14
tiffs
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n.争吵( tiff的名词复数 );(酒的)一口;小饮 | |
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15
pouting
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v.撅(嘴)( pout的现在分词 ) | |
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pettish
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adj.易怒的,使性子的 | |
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awaken
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vi.醒,觉醒;vt.唤醒,使觉醒,唤起,激起 | |
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18
snarling
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v.(指狗)吠,嗥叫, (人)咆哮( snarl的现在分词 );咆哮着说,厉声地说 | |
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19
Forsaken
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adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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20
eyebrows
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眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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21
effervesce
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v.冒泡,热情洋溢 | |
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22
chafed
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v.擦热(尤指皮肤)( chafe的过去式 );擦痛;发怒;惹怒 | |
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23
crumpled
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adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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24
versed
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adj. 精通,熟练 | |
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25
Flared
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adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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26
trot
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n.疾走,慢跑;n.老太婆;现成译本;(复数)trots:腹泻(与the 连用);v.小跑,快步走,赶紧 | |
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27
whim
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n.一时的兴致,突然的念头;奇想,幻想 | |
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28
hymn
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n.赞美诗,圣歌,颂歌 | |
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29
pivots
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n.枢( pivot的名词复数 );最重要的人(或事物);中心;核心v.(似)在枢轴上转动( pivot的第三人称单数 );把…放在枢轴上;以…为核心,围绕(主旨)展开 | |
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espied
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v.看到( espy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lapse
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n.过失,流逝,失效,抛弃信仰,间隔;vi.堕落,停止,失效,流逝;vt.使失效 | |
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32
bristle
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v.(毛发)直立,气势汹汹,发怒;n.硬毛发 | |
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33
humble
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adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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debtor
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n.借方,债务人 | |
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ferocious
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adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的 | |
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36
rending
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v.撕碎( rend的现在分词 );分裂;(因愤怒、痛苦等而)揪扯(衣服或头发等);(声音等)刺破 | |
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37
vows
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誓言( vow的名词复数 ); 郑重宣布,许愿 | |
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38
fetter
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n./vt.脚镣,束缚 | |
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39
vile
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adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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frightful
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adj.可怕的;讨厌的 | |
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41
straps
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n.带子( strap的名词复数 );挎带;肩带;背带v.用皮带捆扎( strap的第三人称单数 );用皮带抽打;包扎;给…打绷带 | |
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42
curmudgeons
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n.坏脾气的人,吝啬鬼,守财奴( curmudgeon的名词复数 ) | |
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43
strewing
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v.撒在…上( strew的现在分词 );散落于;点缀;撒满 | |
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44
gasping
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adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词 | |
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45
paltry
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adj.无价值的,微不足道的 | |
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46
chaotic
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adj.混沌的,一片混乱的,一团糟的 | |
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47
jumbled
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adj.混乱的;杂乱的 | |
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48
turnips
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芜青( turnip的名词复数 ); 芜菁块根; 芜菁甘蓝块根; 怀表 | |
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49
broth
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n.原(汁)汤(鱼汤、肉汤、菜汤等) | |
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