"We have been permitted to pull him through. Oh, isn't it glorious? I know we ought, as we are miserable3 sinners, to go down on our knees and give God the thanks, and I hope we do with all my heart; but I also want to sing and dance—don't you, Dr. Ironside?"
Nobody could imagine that Dr. Harry Ironside was indifferent to the wonderful recovery, which was such a credit to his skill, of the man whom he had nursed as if Tom Robinson had been his brother; but Dr. Harry forgot all about his patient
[383]
at that moment when he saw his opportunity and seized it.
He had never had a faint heart, young as he was, but he had been dealing4 with an exceedingly coy and high-spirited mistress. However, even she had not been able to defy the effect of the last month of incessant5 intercourse6, of being engrossed7 in common with one object of interest, when both had hung, as it were, on a man's failing breath, and were indissolubly linked while it lasted. In the light of its fitful rising and falling, its feeble fluttering, the terrible moments when it appeared to stop and die away, how small and vain was every other consideration! But their joint8 work was done by God's help, as they had hardly dared to hope for a time, and now it was Harry's innings.
"I have something to say to you, Miss Millar. I have wished to say it for a long time. You will not refuse to hear me?"
They were alone together in the little side-room, empty but for its hospital stores, where they had so often consulted, with and without Dr. Capes9, on the condition of the ward10. There was no longer any fluster11 of doubt and hesitation12 in his manner. He stood there in his young comely13 manhood, prepared to put his fate to the test, claiming his right to do so, and challenging her to deny his claim.
In a moment Annie saw what Rose had seen
[384]
some time ago, but had not taken it upon her to put in so many words for Annie's benefit. It was of this moment she had, by an unerring instinct, stood in mortal terror, from the first dawn of her acquaintance with Harry Ironside, to the afternoon when he had succeeded in getting an introduction to her in the matron's room at St. Ebbe's, soon after the scene in the operating theatre. Then he had bowed low, muttered a few words in confused greeting, and looked at her with all his man's heart in his eyes; and she had felt by a sure, swift intuition, that, as she valued her dearly held personal freedom and her allegiance to her family, there must be war to the knife between her and this self-willed young man. She must, as discretion14 is the better part of valour, flee from him, while refusing to own, even to herself, any more humiliating reason for the flight than her duty, the honour of St. Ebbe's, and the folly15 of Rose in playing into his hands.
Now Annie was caught, and had to listen to him whether she would or not, while she and not he quaked with fright and agitation16. For he stood before her, like a conqueror17 already, in the little room with its shelves of phials, which they had all to themselves, where burly farmers and iron-gray corn-factors would soon be thronging18 in the course of transacting19 their every-day business.
[385]
But presently she forgot all about herself in the interest of the tale he had to tell, and told well in his newly-found courage and coolness, in his personal modesty20 and professional enthusiasm. He had just taken his degree as she knew. He and his sister Kate had inherited a competence21 from their parents. He might look about him till he found a lucrative22 and agreeable country practice in a choice neighbourhood, where he could command good society and a little hunting, shooting, and fishing in their seasons. Or he might be on the watch for a West End London practice, which, while affording him all the interests and amusements of town, ought to bring him speedily into notice, and raise him, step by step, to the height of his profession. He had begun his medical career by thinking of both these eventualities as desirable, each in its kind, and had gone on cherishing a leaning to the first, till—he must say it—her example and influence had inspired him with greater ardour in the cause of science and of humanity. He had made inquiries23 and had heard of a post—in fact he had got the refusing of it—in connection with a new settlement, a fresh attempt to plant a colony where the climate was favourable24 on one of the great African rivers. His income at first would be small, and he must take his share of the hardships and labours of those who aimed at being more than gold-diggers
[386]
or miners in the diamond-fields—that is, pioneers of civilization. The prospect25, so far as it referred to scientific investigations26, and to a large increase to accredited27 stores of knowledge, was simply splendid. Farther, he was assured of the sympathy and support of the leading men among the colonists28, since they had already, to their credit, sought his co-operation. Those of them who were in the van—on the spot—had gone so far as to lay the foundation of an hospital, in addition to a church, to deal alike with black men and white, to labour for their spiritual and physical healing in common. He had almost made up his mind to take the post, but he wished to ask her opinion and advice first.
She was tempted29 to say she was no authority, but her truthfulness30 forbade the subterfuge31. She could not meet his grave blue eyes and put him off with an evasive answer. She spoke32 bravely and wisely.
"I think it would be most right and honourable33 for you to go. With your ability and training you might furnish invaluable34 aid to a young colony; while it would be like another college course for you, with nature for your teacher. Any young man of spirit and philanthropy, with love for his calling, might well covet35 the chance. If the colony flourish, you and your profession, and the hospital you speak of, will flourish with it, and have as fine
[387]
a future before you as you can desire. If the scheme fail, you can but return to England; and you will not have lost the time which a young man can well spare. For you will bring back all you have gained from a far wider sphere of usefulness, and from a fresher experience than you could ever hope to secure by staying at home. But if what you really want," Annie corrected herself, with a twinkle in her eyes and a curl of her lips, in the midst of her earnestness, "is the shortest and safest road to growing well-to-do within the briefest space of time, you had better adopt the latter alternative. If I had been a man and a doctor, I should have tried the former."
"That is enough," he said with conviction.
"But what will your sister say?" she hastened to inquire, in order to turn the conversation from ominous36 personalities37.
"Oh! it will be a blow to poor little Kate," he owned regretfully, "because she is too young to go out with me at once, and set about keeping house for me as she has always proposed—a rough, primitive38 style of housekeeping it will be out there for many a day. But she is not without pluck, and she is as true as steel, though I say it. She must learn some of your fearlessness and faith, and make the best of things. She must go to one of our aunts in the meantime, and when matters are
[388]
smoother and easier, and the fate of the colony is decided39, perhaps she may join me. I do not believe that there is any danger to speak of from the native tribes, only it will not be drawing-room work for some time to come. You see it is not the same with a girl like Kate as it would be with a woman like you," he had the boldness to insinuate40. "You would be a tower of strength in yourself from the beginning; you might be the making of a newly-founded hospital."
"Poor Kate!" said Annie, hastily apostrophizing the girl she had been said to ignore, and speaking in accents of far deeper pity than she had any idea of.
"And what do you say?" he turned upon her.
"I?" she cried in much confusion. "I have said my say."
"No," he answered; "unless you mean to send me away to the ends of the earth without a shred41 of hope. You cannot do that."
"I think you are taking advantage of me," she protested, but quite meekly42 and diffidently for Annie. "I have never been even civil to you till Tom Robinson was in danger, and then I had to put all my private feelings aside on his account. Before that I was more than rude."
"And you are a little sorry now? Confess it, Annie, when I am going off all alone, so far as old
[389]
friends are concerned, to Central Africa, at your bidding."
"Not at my bidding," she declared hastily; "it is too bad of you to say so."
"And you are going to be far kinder in the end than in the beginning," he persisted. "You are going to say, 'Harry Ironside, if you ever come back, whether it is to stay or to go out again to your colony, you will find me waiting for you as your earthly reward.'"
"Of course you will come back," she exclaimed vehemently43, thrown off her guard; "but you had much better wait and look out for some more gracious person to welcome you."
"I don't care for gracious persons," said the foolish fellow scornfully; "that is, for persons who are always gracious whether they like or dislike their company. But I say," he went on, in an eager boyish way, which was not unbecoming or inharmonious where his young manhood was concerned, only natural and pleasant, "I should care for the best and brightest and bonniest woman in the world being gracious to me; I would give much to make her like me, though I know I am far behind her in cleverness and goodness."
"Nonsense," cried Annie, quite testily44. "I shall be used up in hospital service by that time," she remonstrated45, keeping to the far future. "A faded
[390]
woman with a sharp tongue would not be a great reward."
"I ask nothing better than a woman whom I could love, and who might love me."
"But you deserve something better," she said, in a softer, lower tone.
"Never mind what I deserve, if I get what I have wished, longed, and prayed for since the first moment I saw you—think of that, Annie."
"I can't," she said, almost piteously, while she suffered him to take her hand. "I meant it all to be so different. I was so proud of my independence; and I never, never will forfeit46 it, remember, Harry Ironside, till all my sisters are started in the world, and father and mother are made more comfortable. Oh! it would be doubly a shame in me to fail them."
"I am content to wait for my prize," he said, daring to kiss her lovely cheek, and he was content—for the moment.
"And you must not breathe a word of what has happened," she charged him.
But here he grew restive47. "I must, dearest. Why, it would be doubly dishonourable not to speak at once to Dr. Millar, confined as he is to his chair; you cannot fail to see that."
"They will all laugh at me," sighed the subdued48 Annie, with comical ruefulness. "Rose will laugh,
[391]
and May. I believe even Dora and mother will laugh."
"Let them." He gave the permission with cheerful insensibility to the ordeal49, even though Annie's feelings were so much involved in it. "It may be a warning to some of them." Then he was so callous50 as to add, "Who cares though the whole world, including Tom Robinson, were to join in the guffaw51."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, looking up with bright sweetness, "I think I could bear it if I heard Tom's voice in the chorus. He used to have rather a foolish, nervous laugh, for so sensible and brave a man. But I am sure I should not think it foolish, or anything save delightful52, if I heard it again."
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1
initiated
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| n. 创始人 adj. 新加入的 vt. 开始，创始，启蒙，介绍加入 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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8
joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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capes
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| 碎谷； 斗篷( cape的名词复数 )； 披肩； 海角； 岬 | |
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10
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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fluster
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| adj.慌乱，狼狈，混乱，激动 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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comely
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| adj.漂亮的，合宜的 | |
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discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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16
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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thronging
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的现在分词 ) | |
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transacting
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| v.办理（业务等）( transact的现在分词 )；交易，谈判 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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competence
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| n.能力，胜任，称职 | |
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lucrative
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| adj.赚钱的，可获利的 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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24
favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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investigations
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| （正式的）调查( investigation的名词复数 )； 侦查； 科学研究； 学术研究 | |
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27
accredited
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| adj.可接受的；可信任的；公认的；质量合格的v.相信( accredit的过去式和过去分词 )；委托；委任；把…归结于 | |
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colonists
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| n.殖民地开拓者，移民，殖民地居民( colonist的名词复数 ) | |
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29
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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30
truthfulness
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| n. 符合实际 | |
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31
subterfuge
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| n.诡计；藉口 | |
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32
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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33
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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invaluable
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| adj.无价的，非常宝贵的，极为贵重的 | |
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35
covet
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| vt.垂涎；贪图(尤指属于他人的东西) | |
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ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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personalities
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| n. 诽谤，（对某人容貌、性格等所进行的）人身攻击； 人身攻击；人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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38
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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40
insinuate
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| vt.含沙射影地说，暗示 | |
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41
shred
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| v.撕成碎片，变成碎片；n.碎布条，细片，些少 | |
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42
meekly
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| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
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43
vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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44
testily
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| adv. 易怒地, 暴躁地 | |
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45
remonstrated
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| v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 )；告诫 | |
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46
forfeit
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| vt.丧失；n.罚金，罚款，没收物 | |
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47
restive
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| adj.不安宁的，不安静的 | |
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48
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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49
ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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50
callous
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| adj.无情的，冷淡的，硬结的，起老茧的 | |
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51
guffaw
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| n.哄笑；突然的大笑 | |
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52
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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