“Justin don't seem to take no holt of things,” said the neighbors.
“Good Heavens!” It seemed to him that there were no things to take hold of! That was his first thought; later he grew to think that the trouble all lay in himself, and both thoughts bred weakness.
The farm had somehow supported the family in the old Deacon's time, but Justin seemed unable to coax2 a competence3 from the soil. He could, and did, rise early and work late; till the earth, sow crops; but he could not make the rain fall nor the sun shine at the times he needed them, and the elements, however much they might seem to favor his neighbors, seldom smiled on his enterprises. The crows liked Justin's corn better than any other in Edgewood. It had a richness peculiar4 to itself, a quality that appealed to the most jaded5 palate, so that it was really worth while to fly over a mile of intervening fields and pay it the delicate compliment of preference.
Justin could explain the attitude of caterpillars6, worms, grasshoppers7, and potato-bugs toward him only by assuming that he attracted them as the magnet in the toy boxes attracts the miniature fishes.
“Land o' liberty! look at 'em congregate9!” ejaculated Jabe Slocum, when he was called in for consultation10. “Now if you'd gone in for breedin' insecks, you could be as proud as Cuffy an' exhibit 'em at the County Fair! They'd give yer prizes for size an' numbers an' speed, I guess! Why, say, they're real crowded for room—the plants ain't give 'em enough leaves to roost on! Have you tried 'Bug8 Death'?”
“Sho! you don't say so! Now mine can't abide12 the sight nor smell of it. What 'bout13 Paris green?”
“Well,” said Jabe Slocum, revolving15 the quid of tobacco in his mouth reflectively, “the bug that ain't got no objection to p'ison is a bug that's got ways o' thinkin' an' feelin' an' reasonin' that I ain't able to cope with! P'r'aps it's all a leadin' o' Providence16. Mebbe it shows you'd ought to quit farmin' crops an' take to raisin17' live stock!”
Justin did just that, as a matter of fact, a year or two later; but stock that has within itself the power of being “live” has also rare qualification for being dead when occasion suits, and it generally did suit Justin's stock. It proved prone18 not only to all the general diseases that cattle-flesh is heir to, but was capable even of suicide. At least, it is true that two valuable Jersey19 calves20, tied to stakes on the hillside, had flung themselves violently down the bank and strangled themselves with their own ropes in a manner which seemed to show that they found no pleasure in existence, at all events on the Peabody farm.
These were some of the little tragedies that had sickened young Justin Peabody with life in Edgewood, and Nancy Wentworth, even then, realized some of them and sympathized without speaking, in a girl's poor, helpless way.
Mrs. Simpson had washed the floor in the right wing of the church and Nancy had cleaned all the paint. Now she sat in the old Peabody pew darning the forlorn, faded cushion with gray carpet-thread; thread as gray as her own life.
The scrubbing-party had moved to its labors21 in a far corner of the church, and two of the women were beginning preparations for the basket luncheons22. Nancy's needle was no busier than her memory. Long years ago she had often sat in the Peabody pew, sometimes at first as a girl of sixteen when asked by Esther, and then, on coming home from school at eighteen, “finished,” she had been invited now and again by Mrs. Peabody herself, on those Sundays when her own invalid23 mother had not attended service.
Justin sat beside her, and she had been sure then, but had long since grown to doubt the evidence of her senses, that he, too, vibrated with pleasure at the nearness. Was there not a summer morning when his hand touched her white lace mitt25 as they held the hymn-book together, and the lines of the
Rise, my soul, and stretch thy wings,
Thy better portion trace,
became blurred26 on the page and melted into something indistinguishable for a full minute or two afterward27? Were there not looks, and looks, and looks? Or had she some misleading trick of vision in those days? Justin's dark, handsome profile rose before her: the level brows and fine lashes28; the well-cut nose and lovable mouth—the Peabody mouth and chin, somewhat too sweet and pliant29 for strength, perhaps. Then the eyes turned to hers in the old way, just for a fleeting30 glance, as they had so often done at prayer-meeting, or sociable31, or Sunday service. Was it not a man's heart she had seen in them? And oh, if she could only be sure that her own woman's heart had not looked out from hers, drawn32 from its maiden shelter in spite of all her wish to keep it hidden!
Then followed two dreary33 years of indecision and suspense34, when Justin's eyes met hers less freely; when his looks were always gloomy and anxious; when affairs at the Peabody farm grew worse and worse; when his mother followed her husband, the old Deacon, and her daughter Esther to the burying-ground in the churchyard. Then the end of all things came, the end of the world for Nancy: Justin's departure for the West in a very frenzy35 of discouragement over the narrowness and limitation and injustice36 of his lot; over the rockiness and barrenness and unkindness of the New England soil; over the general bitterness of fate and the “bludgeonings of chance.”
He was a failure, born of a family of failures. If the world owed him a living, he had yet to find the method by which it could be earned. All this he thought and uttered, and much more of the same sort. In these days of humbled37 pride self was paramount38, though it was a self he despised. There was no time for love. Who was he for a girl to lean upon?—he who could not stand erect39 himself!
He bade a stiff goodbye to his neighbors, and to Nancy he vouchsafed40 little more. A handshake, with no thrill of love in it such as might have furnished her palm, at least, some memories to dwell upon; a few stilted41 words of leave-taking; a halting, meaningless sentence or two about his “botch” of life—then he walked away from the Wentworth doorstep. But halfway42 down the garden path, where the shriveled hollyhocks stood like sentinels, did a wave of something different sweep over him—a wave of the boyish, irresponsible past when his heart had wings and could fly without fear to its mate—a wave of the past that was rushing through Nancy's mind, wellnigh burying her in its bitter-sweet waters. For he lifted his head, and suddenly retracing43 his steps, he came toward her, and, taking her hand again, said forlornly: “You 'll see me back when my luck turns, Nancy.”
Nancy knew that the words might mean little or much, according to the manner in which they were uttered, but to her hurt pride and sore, shamed woman-instinct, they were a promise, simply because there was a choking sound in Justin's voice and tears in Justin's eyes. “You 'll see me back when my luck turns, Nancy”; this was the phrase upon which she had lived for more than ten years. Nancy had once heard the old parson say, ages ago, that the whole purpose of life was the growth of the soul; that we eat, sleep, clothe ourselves, work, love, all to give the soul another day, month, year, in which to develop. She used to wonder if her soul could be growing in the monotonous44 round of her dull duties and her duller pleasures. She did not confess it even to herself; nevertheless she knew that she worked, ate, slept, to live until Justin's luck turned. Her love had lain in her heart a bird without a song, year after year. Her mother had dwelt by her side and never guessed; her father, too; and both were dead. The neighbors also, lynx-eyed and curious, had never suspected. If she had suffered, no one in Edgewood was any the wiser, for the maiden heart is not commonly worn on the sleeve in New England. If she had been openly pledged to Justin Peabody, she could have waited twice ten years with a decent show of self-respect, for long engagements were viewed rather as a matter of course in that neighborhood. The endless months had gone on since that gray November day when Justin had said goodbye. It had been just before Thanksgiving, and she went to church with an aching and ungrateful heart. The parson read from the eighth chapter of St. Matthew, a most unexpected selection for that holiday. “If you can't find anything else to be thankful for,” he cried, “go home and be thankful you are not a leper!”
Nancy took the drastic counsel away from the church with her, and it was many a year before she could manage to add to this slender store anything to increase her gratitude45 for mercies given, though all the time she was outwardly busy, cheerful, and helpful.
Justin had once come back to Edgewood, and it was the bitterest drop in her cup of bitterness that she was spending that winter in Berwick (where, so the neighbors told him, she was a great favorite in society, and was receiving much attention from gentlemen), so that she had never heard of his visit until the spring had come again. Parted friends did not keep up with one another's affairs by means of epistolary communication, in those days, in Edgewood; it was not the custom. Spoken words were difficult enough to Justin Peabody, and written words were quite impossible, especially if they were to be used to define his half-conscious desires and his fluctuations46 of will, or to recount his disappointments and discouragements and mistakes.
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1
pittance
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| n.微薄的薪水，少量 | |
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coax
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| v.哄诱，劝诱，用诱哄得到，诱取 | |
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competence
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| n.能力，胜任，称职 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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jaded
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| adj.精疲力竭的；厌倦的；（因过饱或过多而）腻烦的；迟钝的 | |
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caterpillars
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| n.毛虫( caterpillar的名词复数 )；履带 | |
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grasshoppers
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| n.蚱蜢( grasshopper的名词复数 )；蝗虫；蚂蚱；（孩子）矮小的 | |
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bug
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| n.虫子；故障；窃听器；vt.纠缠；装窃听器 | |
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congregate
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| v.(使)集合，聚集 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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13
bout
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| n.侵袭，发作；一次(阵，回)；拳击等比赛 | |
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appetizer
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| n.小吃，开胃品 | |
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revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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raisin
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| n.葡萄干 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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calves
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| n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子，腓；腿肚子( calf的名词复数 )；牛犊；腓；小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 )；（冰川）崩解；生（小牛等），产（犊）；使（冰川）崩解 | |
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labors
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| v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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luncheons
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| n.午餐，午宴( luncheon的名词复数 ) | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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mitt
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| n.棒球手套，拳击手套，无指手套；vt.铐住，握手 | |
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26
blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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28
lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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pliant
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| adj.顺从的；可弯曲的 | |
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fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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sociable
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| adj.好交际的，友好的，合群的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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37
humbled
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| adj. 卑下的，谦逊的，粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下，贬低 | |
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38
paramount
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| a.最重要的，最高权力的 | |
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39
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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40
vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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41
stilted
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| adj.虚饰的；夸张的 | |
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42
halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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43
retracing
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| v.折回( retrace的现在分词 )；回忆；回顾；追溯 | |
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44
monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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45
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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46
fluctuations
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| 波动，涨落，起伏( fluctuation的名词复数 ) | |
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