Uncle Josh's Comments on the Signs Seen in New York

 I SEEN a good many funny things when I wuz in New York, but I think some of the sines what they've got on some of the bildins' are 'bout¹ as funny as anything I ever seen in my life.

 

I wuz walkin' down the street one day and I seen a sine, it sed "Quick Lunch." Wall, I felt a little hungry, so I went into the resturant or bordin' house, or whatever they call it, and they had some sines hangin' on the walls in thar that jist about made me laff all over. I noticed one sine sed "Put your trust in the Lord," and right under it wuz another sine what sed "Try our mince² pies." Wall, I tried one of them, and I want to tell you right now, if you eat many of them mince pies you want to put your trust in the Lord.

 

Wall, I got out of thar, and I walked along fer quite a spell, and finally I cum to a store what had a lot of red, white and blue, and yeller and purple lights in the winder. Wall, I stopped to look at it, cos it wuz a purty thing, and they had a sine in that winder that jist tickled³ me, it sed, "Frog in your throat 10C." I wouldn't put one of them critters in my throat fer ten dollars.

 

Wall, jist a little further up the street I seen another sine what sed "Boots blacked on the inside." Now, any feller what gits his boots blacked on the inside ain't got much respect fer his socks. I git mine blacked on the outside. Then I cum to a sine what had a lot of 'lectric lights shinin' on it, and I could read it jist as plain as day; so I happened to turn round and when I looked at that sine agin, it wa'nt the same sine at all, and jist then it changed right in front of my very eyes, and I cum to the conclooshun that some feller on the inside wuz a turnin' on it jist to have fun with folks, so I cum away; but I had a mighty⁴ good laff or two watchin' other folks git fooled, cos it would turn fust one way and then the t'other, and 'fore⁵ you could make up your mind what it wuz, the durned thing wouldn't be that at all.

 

A little further up the street I seen a sine what sed, "This is the door." Now, any durned fool could see it wuz a door. And then I seen another sine what sed "Walk in." Wall, now, I wunder how in thunder they thought a feller wuz a goin' to cum in, on hoss back, or on a bisickle, or how. And then I seen another sine, it wuz in a winder and had a lot of tools around it, and the sine sed, "Cast iron sinks." Wall, now, any durned fool what don't know that cast iron sinks, ought to have some one feel his head and find out what ails⁶ him.

 

 

1 bout   

n.侵袭，发作；一次(阵，回)；拳击等比赛

参考例句：

• I was suffering with a bout of nerves.我感到一阵紧张。
• That bout of pneumonia enfeebled her.那次肺炎的发作使她虚弱了。

2 mince   

n.切碎物；v.切碎，矫揉做作地说

参考例句：

• Would you like me to mince the meat for you?你要我替你把肉切碎吗？
• Don't mince matters,but speak plainly.不要含糊其词，有话就直说吧。

3 tickled   

（使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐

参考例句：

• We were tickled pink to see our friends on television. 在电视中看到我们的一些朋友，我们高兴极了。
• I tickled the baby's feet and made her laugh. 我胳肢孩子的脚，使她发笑。

4 mighty   

adj.强有力的；巨大的

参考例句：

• A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
• The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。

5 fore   

adv.在前面；adj.先前的；在前部的；n.前部

参考例句：

• Your seat is in the fore part of the aircraft.你的座位在飞机的前部。
• I have the gift of fore knowledge.我能够未卜先知。

6 ails   

v.生病( ail的第三人称单数 )；感到不舒服；处境困难；境况不佳

参考例句：

• He will not concede what anything ails his business. 他不允许任何事情来干扰他的工作。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Measles ails the little girl. 麻疹折磨着这个小女孩。 来自《简明英汉词典》