Chapter 14

　　Looking far ahead on the path, I spied her returning to camp, which set my mind at ease. She appeared between　 the trees, moving like a deer along the ridgeline. The incident at the library had left me eager to apologize, so I took a shortcut through the forest that would allow me to cut her off along her route. My mind buzzed with the story of the man in the yard. I hoped to tell her before the important parts vanished in the confusion. Speck would be mad, rightfully so, but her compassion would mollify any anger. As I drew near, she must have spotted me, for she took off in a sprint. Had I not hesitated before giving chase, perhaps I would have caught her, but the rough terrain defeated speed. In my haste, I snagged my toe on a fallen branch and landed facedown in the dirt. Spitting leaves and twigs, I looked up to see Speck had already made it into camp and was talking with Béka.
　　"She doesn't want to speak with you," the old toad said upon my arrival, and clamped his hand on my shoulder. A few of the elders—Igel, Ragno, Zanzara, and Blomma—had sidled next to him, forming a wall.
　　"But I need to talk to her."
　　Luchóg and Kivi joined the others. Smaolach walked toward the group from my right, his hands clenched and shaking. Onions approached from my left, a menacing toothsome smile on her face. Nine of them encircled me. Igel stepped inside the ring and jabbed a finger at my chest.
　　"You have violated our trust."
　　"What are you talking about?"
　　"She followed you, Aniday. She saw you with the man. You were to avoid any contact with them, yet there you were, trying to communicate with one of them." Igel pushed me to the ground, kicking up a cloud of rotten leaves. Humiliated, I quickly sprang back to my feet. My fear grew as the others hollered invectives.
　　"Do you know how dangerous that was?"
　　"Teach him a lesson."
　　"Do you understand we cannot be discovered?"
　　"So he won't forget again."
　　"They could come and capture us, and then we will never be free."
　　"Punish him."
　　Igel did not strike the first blow. From behind, a fist or a club smashed into my kidneys, and I arched my back. With my body thus exposed, Igel punched me squarely in the solar plexus, and I hunched forward. A line of drool spilled from my open mouth. They were all upon me at once like a pack of wild dogs bringing down wounded prey. The blows came from all directions, and initial shock gave way to pain. They scraped my face with their nails, ripped hunks of hair from my scalp, sank their teeth into my shoulder, drawing blood. A ropy arm choked my neck, shutting off the flow of air. I gagged and felt my gorge rise. Amid the fury, their eyes blazed with frenzy, and sheer hatred twisted their features. One by one, they peeled off, sated, and the pressure lessened, but those who remained kicked at my ribs, taunting me to get up, snarling and growling at me to fight back. I could not muster the strength. Before walking away, Béka stomped on my fingers, and Igel delivered a kick with each word of his final admonition: "Do not talk to people again."
　　I closed my eyes and stayed still. The sun shone down through the branches of the trees, warming my body. My joints ached from the fall, and my fingers swelled and throbbed. One eye was painted black and blue, and blood oozed from cuts and pooled beneath plum bruises. My mouth tasted of vomit and dirt, and I passed out in a rumpled heap.
　　Cool water on my cuts and bruises startled me awake, and my first vision was of Speck bent over me, wiping the blood from my face. Directly behind her stood Smaolach and Luchóg, their faces pinched with concern. Drops of my blood left a red patch on Speck's white sweater. When I tried to speak, she pressed the wet cloth to my lips.
　　"Aniday, I am so sorry. I did not want this to happen."
　　"We're sorry, too," Smaolach said. "But the law has a ruthless logic."
　　Chavisory poked out her head from behind Speck's shoulder. "I took no part in it."
　　"You should not have left me, Aniday. You should have trusted me."
　　I sat up slowly and faced my tormentors. "Why did you let them?"
　　"I took no part," Chavisory said.
　　Luchóg knelt beside Speck and spoke for all. "We had to do it, so that you will not ever forget. You spoke to the human, and if he caught you, you would be gone forever."
　　"Suppose I want to go back."
　　No one looked me in the eye. Chavisory hummed to herself while the others kept silent.
　　"I think that might have been my real father, Speck. From the other world. Or maybe it was a monster and a dream. But it wanted me to come into the house. I have been there before."
　　"Doesn't matter who he was," said Smaolach. "Father, mother, sister, brother, your Aunt Fanny's uncle. None of that matters. We're your family."
　　I spat out a mouthful of dirt and blood. "A family doesn't beat up one of its own, even if they have a good reason."
　　Chavisory shouted in my ear, "I didn't even touch you!" She danced spirals around the others.
　　"We were following rules," said Speck.
　　"I don't want to stay here. I want to go back to my real family."
　　"Aniday, you can't," Speck said. "They think you are gone these past ten years. You may look like you're eight, but you are almost eighteen. We are stuck in time."
　　Luchóg added, "You'd be a ghost to them."
　　"I want to go home."
　　Speck confronted me. "Listen, there are only three possible choices, and going home is not one of them."
　　"Right," Smaolach said. He sat down on a rotting tree stump and counted off the possibilities on his fingers. "One is that while you do not get old here, nor get deathly ill, you can die by accident. I remember one fellow who went a-walking a wintry day. He made a foolish calculation in his leap from the top of the bridge to the edge of the riverbank, and his jump was not jumpy enough. He fell into the river, went right through the ice, and drowned, frozen to death."
　　"Accidents happen," Luchóg added. "Long ago, you could find yourself eaten. Wolves and mountain lions prowled these parts. Did you ever hear of the one from up north who wintered out inside a cave and woke up springtime next to a very hungry grizzly? A man can die by any chance imaginable."
　　"Two, you could be rid of us," Smaolach said, "by simply leaving. Just up and saunter off and go live apart and alone. We discourage that sort of attitude, mind you, for we need you here to help us find the next child. 'Tis harder than you think to pretend to be someone else."
　　"Besides, it is a lonesome life," said Chavisory.
　　"True," Speck agreed. "But you can be lonely with a dozen friends beside you."
　　"If you go that way, you're more likely to meet with a singular fate," Luchóg said. "Suppose you fell in a ditch and couldn't get up? Then where would you be?"
　　Said Smaolach, "Them fellows usually succumb, don't they, to some twist in the road? You lose your way in a blizzard. A black widow nips your thumb as you sleep. And no one to find the anecdote, the cowslip or the boiled frogs' eggs."
　　"Besides, where would you go that's any better than this?" Luchóg asked.
　　"I would go crazy being just by myself all the time," Chavisory added.
　　"Then," Luchóg told her, "you would have to make the change."
　　Speck looked beyond me, toward the treeline. "That's the third way. You find the right child on the other side, and you take her place."
　　"Now you're confusing the boy," said Smaolach. "First, you have to find a child, learn all about him. All of us watch and study him. From a distance, mind."
　　"It has to be somebody who isn't happy," Chavisory said.
　　Smaolach scowled at her. "Never mind that. We observe the child in teams. While certain people take down his habits, others study his voice."
　　"Start with the name," said Speck. "Gather all the facts: age, birthday brothers and sisters."
　　Chavisory interrupted her. "I'd stay away from boys with dogs. Dogs are born suspicious."
　　"You have to know enough," Speck said, "so you can make people believe you are one of them. A child of their own."
　　Carefully rolling a cigarette, Luchóg said, "I've betimes thought that I'd look for a large family, with lots of kids and so on, and then pick the one in the middle that nobody'll miss or notice they're gone for a bit. Or if I forget some detail or am slightly off in my imitation, nobody is the wiser. Maybe number six of thirteen, or four of seven. Not as easy as it once was, now that mums and dads aren't having so many babies."
　　"I'd like to be a baby again," said Chavisory.
　　"Once you have made the choice," said Smaolach, "we go in and grab the child. He or she's got to be alone, or you'll be found out. Have you ever heard the tale of them ones in Russia or thereabouts, where they caught the lot of them stealing a tiny Cossack lad with pointy teeth, and them Cossacks took all our boys of the woods and burnt them up to a crisp?"
　　"Fire is a devil of a way to go," said Luchóg. "Did I ever tell you of the faery changeling caught snooping around the room of a girl she wished to replace? She hears the parents come in, and leaps in the closet, making the change right there in the room. At first, the parents thought nothing of it, when they opened the door and there she was, playing in the dark. Later that day, the real girl comes home, and what do you think? There's the two of them side by side, and our friend would have made it, but she hadn't yet learned how to speak like the little girl. So the mother says, 'Now which one of you is Lucy?' and the real Lucy says, 'I am,' and the other Lucy lets out a squawk to raise the dead. She had to jump out the second-floor window and start all over again."
　　Smaolach looked perplexed during his friend's story, scratching his head as if trying to recall an important detail. "Ah, there's a bit of magic, of course. We bind up the child in a web and lead him to the water."
　　Spinning on her heels, Chavisory shouted, "And there's the incantation. You mustn't forget that."
　　"In he goes like a baptism," Smaolach continued. "Out he comes, one of us. Never to leave except by one of three ways, and I would not give you my shoes for the first two."
　　Chavisory drew a circle in the dust with her bare toe. "Remember the German boy who played the piano? The one before Aniday."
　　With a short hiss, Speck grabbed Chavisory by the hair and pulled the poor creature to her. She sat on her chest and threw her hands upon her face, massaging and kneading Chavisory's skin like so much dough. The girl screamed and cried like a fox in a steel trap. When she had finished, Speck revealed a reasonable copy of her own sweet face on the visage of Chavisory. They looked like twins.
　　"You put me back," Chavisory complained.
　　"You put me back." Speck imitated her perfectly.
　　I could not believe what I was seeing.
　　"There's your future, little treasure. Behold the changeling," laid Smaolach. "Going back to the past as yourself is not an option. But when you return as a changed person to their world, you get to stay there, grow up as one of them, live as one of them, more or less, grow old as time allows, and you'll do that yet, when your turn comes."
　　"My turn? I want to go home right now. How do I do it?"
　　"You don't," Luchóg said. "You have to wait until the rest of us have gone. There's a natural order to our world that mustn't be disturbed. One child for one changeling. When your time comes, you will find another child from a different family than what you left behind. You cannot go back whence you came."
　　"I'm afraid, Aniday, you're last in the line. You'll have to be patient."
　　Luchóg and Smaolach took Chavisory behind the honeysuckle and began to manipulate her face. The three of them laughed and carried on through the whole process. "Just make me pretty again," and "Let's get one of them magazines with the women's pictures," and "Hey, she looks like Audrey Hepburn." Eventually, they fixed her face, and she flew from their clutches like a bat.
　　Speck was unusually kind to me for the rest of that day, perhaps out of misplaced guilt for my beating. Her gentleness reminded me of my mother's touch, or what I thought I remembered. My own mother might as well have been the phantom, or any other fiction to be conjured. I was forgetting again, the distinction between memory and imagination blurring. The man I saw, could he be my father? I wondered. He appeared to have recognized me, but I was not his son, only a shadow from the woods. In the dead of night, I wrote down the story of the three ways in McInnes's notebook, hoping to under-stand it all in the future. Speck kept me company while the others slept. In the starlight, her cares had vanished from her face; even her eyes, usually so tired, radiated compassion.
　　"I am sorry they hurt you."
　　"It doesn't hurt," I whispered, stiff and sore.
　　"Life here has its compensations. Listen."
　　Low in a flyway, an owl swept between the trees, unrolling its wings on the hunt. Speck tensed, the fine hairs on her arms bristling.
　　"You will never get old," she said. "You won't have to worry about getting married or having babies or finding a job. No gray hair and wrinkles, no teeth falling out. You won't need a cane or a crutch."
　　We heard the owl descend and strike. The mouse screamed once; then life left it.
　　"Like children who never grow up," I said.
　　"'The indifferent children of the earth.'" She let her sentence linger in the air. I fixed my eye upon a single star, hoping to sense the earth or see the heavens move. This trick of staring and drifting with the sky has cured my insomnia many times over the years, but not that night. Those stars were fixed and this globe creaked as if stuck in its rotation. Eyes lifted, chin pointing to the moon, Speck considered the night, though I had no idea what she was thinking.
　　"Was he my father, Speck?"
　　"I cannot tell you. Let go of the past, Aniday. It's like holding dandelions to the wind. Wait for the right moment, and the seeds will scatter away." She looked at me. "You should rest."
　　"I can't. My mind is filled with noises."
　　She pressed her fingers to my lips. "Listen."
　　Nothing stirred. Her presence, my own. "I can't hear a thing."
　　But she could hear a distant sound, and her gaze turned inward, as if transported to its source.

    我远远地望见她正走在回营的路上，便放下了心。她出现在林木之间，像鹿一样在山岭上腾跃。我急于为图书馆的事道歉，于是抄了林中近路，想在她回家的路上截住她。我脑中嗡嗡响着那个院子里男人的事。我希望能在重要环节变成一片混乱之前，把这事告诉她。斯帕克会很生气，这是理所当然的，但她的同情心会平息任何愤怒。我接近她时，她发现了我，飞快地奔跑起来。如果我没有稍加犹豫再行追赶，可能已经赶上了她，但灌木丛生的地形让我跑不快。我匆忙中在一条倒伏的树枝上戳破了脚趾，仆倒在泥地里。我分开枝叶抬起头来，只见斯帕克已经进入营寨，正和贝卡说话。

　　“她不想和你说话。”我一到，这只老蛤蟆就这么说，还捏了一下我的肩膀。

　　几个年龄稍大的——伊格尔、劳格诺、赞扎拉、布鲁玛挨到他身边，形成一堵培。

　　“但我需要和她谈一谈。”

　　鲁契克和齐维加入另一派。斯茂拉赫走到我右边的队伍，摇晃着攥紧的拳头。

　　奥尼思斯走到我左边，露出一个龇牙咧嘴、带着威胁意味的笑容。九个人围着我。

　　伊格尔走进圈子，一根手指戳着我的胸膛。

　　“你背叛了我们的信任。”

　　“你在说什么? ”

　　“她跟踪了你，安尼戴。她看到你和那男人在一起。你应该避免和他们发生任何接触，但你却在那里想和他们中的一个交流。”伊格尔把我推倒在地，扬起一地腐烂的树叶。我受了羞辱，飞快地挺身站起。其他人开始恶语相向，这让我越加害怕。

　　“你知道那有多危险吗? ”

　　“给他一个教训。”

　　“你明不明白我们不能被发现? ”

　　“那样他就不会忘记了。”

　　“他们会来抓我们，我们就不得自由了。”

　　“惩罚他。”

　　伊格尔不是第一个动手的。背后，有个拳头还是棍子在我腰里捅了一下，我往后一仰，身体空门大开，伊格尔一拳正打在我肚子上，我又朝前拱，口水从我张开的嘴里溅出。他们一下子都扑到我身上，就像一群野狗扑倒一只受伤的猎物。拳头从四面八方而来，刚开始的震惊让位给了疼痛。他们用指甲抓我脸，从我头上抓下大把头发，把我的肩膀咬出了血。一条强壮的胳膊卡住了我的脖子，堵住了气流。

　　我大口喘息，恶心难受。他们在暴怒中闪动疯狂的目光，愤恨扭曲了他们的面容。

　　他们一个接一个心满意足地走开了，压力有所减轻，但还有几个在踢我的肋骨，嘲笑我，要我站起来，又吼又叫地要我还击。我一点气力都聚不起来。贝卡走开之前还踩了我的手指，伊格尔丢下一句警告，每说一个字就踢我一脚：“别再跟人说话。”

　　我闭上眼一动不动地躺着。阳光从枝叶间洒下来，温暖了我的身体。我的关节脱落疼痛，手指肿胀抽痛，一只眼睛被打得乌青，鲜血从伤口里淌出来，凝聚在淤伤之下，嘴里有呕吐物和泥土，我在一片混乱中昏了过去。

　　冷水浇在我的伤口和淤肿上，我醒了过来，第一眼看到斯帕克凑在我身前，擦拭我脸上的血。她身后站着斯茂拉赫和鲁契克，都是满脸关怀。我的血在斯帕克的白套衫上染红了一块。我正要开口，她用湿布按住了我的嘴唇。

　　“安尼戴，我非常抱歉。我没想要发生这种事。”

　　“我们也很抱歉，”斯茂拉赫说，“但纪律的道理是无情的。”

　　卡维素芮从斯帕克肩后探出头来，“我可没动手。”

　　“你不该离开我，安尼戴。你应该相信我。”

　　“我没动手。”卡维素芮说道。

　　鲁契克跪在斯帕克身边，为大家说话：“我们得这么做，那样你就忘不了。你跟人类说话，如果他抓住你，你就永远回不来了。”

　　“但如果我想回去呢? ”

　　没人看着我的眼睛。卡维素芮哼着小调，其他人沉默着。

　　“我想那或许是我的亲生父亲，斯帕克。在另一个世界的。也可能他是个魔鬼，是个梦。但他想要我到屋子里去。我以前去过那里。”

　　“别管他是谁，”斯茂拉赫说，“父亲、母亲、姐妹、兄弟、你范妮姨妈的舅舅。这些都无关紧要。我们才是你的家人。”

　　我吐出一口夹着泥的鲜血，“家人不会打自家人，即便是有充分理由。”

　　卡维素芮在我耳边大叫：“我连碰都没碰你! ”她绕着大家盘旋跳舞。

　　“我们是按照纪律办事。”斯帕克说。

　　“我不想待在这里。我要回我真正的家。”

　　“安尼戴，你不能，”斯帕克说，“他们以为你走了十年了。你看起来像是才八岁，但你已经快十八了。我们都陷在时间里面。”

　　鲁契克补充说：“你对他们来说是一个鬼。”

　　“我想回家。”

　　斯帕克对我直言不讳，“听着，只有三个可能的选择，回家不是其中之一。”

　　“对。”斯茂拉赫说。他坐到一个腐朽的树桩上，扳着手指数这些可能性，“第一是你在这里不会变老，不会病死，要死只能是意外。我记得有一个伙伴冬天出去散步，他错误地估计了从桥的顶端到河对岸的距离，而他的一跳也不够远。他掉进河里，沉到冰下淹死了，是冻死的。”

　　“会发生意外的，”鲁契克也说，“很久以前，你会发现自己被吃掉。狼、美洲狮都在这些地方。你有没有听说过，有一个从北方来的家伙在洞里过冬，春天醒来时身边有一只饿极了的灰熊? 一个人能死在各种想像得到的情况下。”

　　“第二是你摆脱我们，”斯茂拉赫说，“只要离开就行了。你站起来，走开去，独自离群索居。告诉你，我们不鼓励这种态度，我们还需要你在这里帮我们寻找下一个孩子。这可比你想像中假扮成另一个人困难多了。”

　　“再说，那是种孤独的生活。”卡维素芮说。

　　“的确，”斯帕克赞同说，“但即使有十几个朋友在身边，也还是会觉得孤独的。”

　　“如果你那么做，你更有可能遭遇厄运，”鲁契克说，“想想看你掉入沟里爬不出来? 你能到哪里去呢? ”

　　斯茂拉赫说：“那些伙计不是常常迷路吗? 你迷失在暴风雪中。

　　你睡觉时一只黑寡妇咬了你的拇指。没有人带来奇闻轶事，没有樱草和煮青蛙腿。”

　　“还有，你能去到比这儿更好的地方吗? ”鲁契克问。

　　“一直一个人，我会发疯的。”卡维素芮又说。

　　“那么，”鲁契克对她说，“你就得换生了。”

　　斯帕克望着我身后成排的树木，“第三条路是，你在那一边找到了合适的孩子，你取代她的地位。”

　　“这下你把这孩子搞糨涂了，”斯茂拉赫说，“首先你要找到一个孩子，学会他的一切。我们都会观察他，研究他。注意，是远远地观察研究。”

　　“必须是某个不快乐的孩子。”卡维素芮说。

　　斯茂拉赫冲她板起脸，“那个无关紧要。我们分组观察那孩子。

　　一些人记录他的习惯，一些人学习他的声音。”

　　“从姓名开始，”斯帕克说，“收集所有信息：年龄、生日、兄弟姐妹。”

　　卡维素芮打断了她，“我会离带狗的男孩远远的。狗天性多疑。”

　　“你得知道足够多的事，”斯帕克说，“才能让人类相信你是他们自己人，是他们的孩子。”

　　鲁契克小心翼翼地卷着烟说：“我想过我要找一个大家庭，有很多孩子等等，然后挑一个排行中间的，那样他们即使走失一小会儿，也不会有人挂念或注意到。

　　即使我忘了一些细节或模仿中露了马脚，其他人也不见得更聪明。或许挑上十三个孩子中的老六，或者七个孩子中的老四。现在不比从前容易了，妈妈爸爸们都不生那么多孩子。”

　　“我想再当一次婴儿。”卡维素芮说。

　　“一旦你做出选择，”斯茂拉赫说，“我们就去抓住那个孩子。他或者她必须是独自一个，否则你会被发现。你听过俄国还是周边地区发生的故事吗? 他们发现许多换生灵正在偷一个尖牙齿的哥萨克孩子，那些哥萨克人抓住所有的森林孩子，把他们烧成了脆皮。”

　　“火是杀死魔鬼的办法，”鲁契克说，“我有没有告诉过你，一个换生灵在调查她打算交换的女孩的房间时被抓了? 她听到父母进来的声音，就跳进柜子里，在那里变身。父母打开柜门，看到她在黑暗里玩耍，起初他们什么也没想。但到了晚上，真正的女孩回来了，你想会怎么样? 两个孩子肩并肩站着，我们的朋友本来可以解决这种事情，但她还没有学会小女孩的说话方式。那个母亲说：‘你们谁是露西? ’真露西就说：‘我是。’另一个露西发出一个能把死人叫醒的声音。她只得从二楼窗口跳出去，一切从头开始。”

　　当朋友讲故事时，斯茂拉赫显得不知所措，抓着头皮似乎想要记起一个重要的细节，“啊，要用到一点魔法的，当然哕。我们把孩子绑在网里，带他下水。”

　　卡维素芮转着脚跟嚷道：“那是咒语。你不能忘了那个。”

　　“如果他受了洗礼，”斯茂拉赫继续说，“他就会浮起来，成为我们的一员。

　　能不回来的只有这三条路，如果是前两条路，我不会把我的鞋千给你。”

　　卡维素芮用她光光的脚趾在尘土中画了个圈，“还记得那个弹钢琴的德国男孩吗? 安尼戴前面的那个? ”

　　斯帕克发出一声短促的嘶叫，抓住卡维素芮的头发拖过来。她坐在她胸口上，把双手放在她脸上，按摩、扭捏她的皮肤，就像摆弄一大团生面粉。那女孩尖叫哭喊，好比一只钢圈套索里的狐狸。斯帕克干完后，卡维素芮脸上呈现出她自己的漂亮面容，一个精准的复制品。她们看起来就像一对双胞胎。

　　“你把我弄回去。”卡维素芮抱怨说。

　　“你把我弄回去。”斯帕克一模一样说着她的话。

　　我没法相信眼前的一幕。

　　“这就是你的未来，小宝贝。看，换生灵。”斯茂拉赫说，“回到你的过去不是一条路。但当你作为交换者回到他们的世界时，你会留在那里，在他们中间长大，和他们一起生活，随着时间或多或少地变老。等轮到你时，你就会那么做。”

　　“轮到我? 我现在就想回家。我该怎么做? ”

　　“不行，”鲁契克说，“你必须等到我们其他人都走了为止。这是我们世界的自然法则，你不能打破。一个孩子换一个换生灵。当轮到你时，你会从另一个家庭找到一个孩子，不是你离开的那个家。你没法回到你的来处。”

　　“安尼戴，恐怕你是排在最后。你要有耐心。”

　　鲁契克和斯茂拉赫带着卡维素芮到忍冬丛后面去帮她整容。他们三个从头到尾都在大笑。“只要把我变得漂亮就行了。～我们去弄一些有女人照片的杂志。”

　　“嗨，她像奥黛丽·赫本。”最后，他们整好了她的脸，她像只蝙蝠一样从他们的掌握中飞走了。

　　那天后来，斯帕克对我出奇的好，也许是因为我被打而感到内疚，虽然这是不必要的。她的温柔让我想起母亲的抚摸，或是我自以为记得的母亲的抚摸。我的亲生母亲也可能不过是幻影，或者其他想像出来的东西。我再度忘却，记忆和想像之间的区别模糊了。我看到的那个男人，会是我的父亲吗? 我寻思着。他的样子像是认出了我，但我不是他儿子，只是森林里的一个影子。深夜，我把这三条出路写在麦克伊内斯的练习簿上，希望日后能完全理解。其他人睡觉时，斯帕克陪伴着我。

　　星光下，忧虑从她脸上消去，甚至她平日里如此疲惫的眼睛，也闪烁着同情。

　　“真抱歉，他们伤害了你。”

　　“不痛的。”我悄声说，但身体僵硬疼痛。

　　“在这里生活是有补偿的。听。”

　　一头猫头鹰在林中低飞而过，展开翅膀扑向猎物。斯帕克紧张起来，胳膊上寒毛直竖。

　　“你永远不会变老，”她说，“你不必担心结婚、生子、找工作。没有白发和皱纹，牙齿不会脱落。你不会需要一根藤条或拐杖。”

　　我们听到那只猫头鹰飞降出击。老鼠尖叫一声，送命了。

　　“就像永不长大的孩子。”我说。

　　“和芸芸众生一个样。”她这句话停留在空气中。我注视着一颗星星，希望能感觉到大地，看到天空移动。这些年来，望着天空随之飘荡的办法多次治愈了我的失眠，但今晚不行了。星星一动不动，地球吱吱作响，好似在转动中被卡住了。斯帕克抬起目光，朝月亮仰起下巴，思考着这个夜晚，虽然我不知道她在想什么。

　　“斯帕克，他是我父亲吗? ”

　　“我不能告诉你。放开过去吧，安尼戴。就像把蒲公英举到风中。等待合适的时机，种子会四散而去。”她看着我，“你应该睡觉了。”

　　“我睡不着。我的头脑里都是噪音。”

　　她把手指放在我唇上，“听。”

　　什么动静都没有。只有她的存在，我的存在。“我什么都听不到。”

　　但她能听到遥远的声响，她朝自己的心中望去，仿佛被带到了声音那单。