Chapter 25 Marriage or Not

THE BRANGWEN family was going to move from Beldover. It was necessary now for the father to be in town.

Birkin had taken out a marriage licence, yet Ursula deferred from day to day. She would not fix any definite time -- she still wavered. Her month's notice to leave the Grammar School was in its third week. Christmas was not far off.

Gerald waited for the Ursula-Birkin marriage. It was something crucial to him.

`Shall we make it a double-barrelled affair?' he said to Birkin one day.

`Who for the second shot?' asked Birkin.

`Gudrun and me,' said Gerald, the venturesome twinkle in his eyes.

Birkin looked at him steadily, as if somewhat taken aback.

`Serious -- or joking?' he asked.

`Oh, serious. Shall I? Shall Gudrun and I rush in along with you?'

`Do by all means,' said Birkin. `I didn't know you'd got that length.'

`What length?' said Gerald, looking at the other man, and laughing.

`Oh yes, we've gone all the lengths.'

`There remains to put it on a broad social basis, and to achieve a high moral purpose,' said Birkin.

`Something like that: the length and breadth and height of it,' replied Gerald, smiling.

`Oh well,' said Birkin,' it's a very admirable step to take, I should say.'

Gerald looked at him closely.

`Why aren't you enthusiastic?' he asked. `I thought you were such dead nuts on marriage.'

Birkin lifted his shoulders.

`One might as well be dead nuts on noses. There are all sorts of noses, snub and otherwise--'

Gerald laughed.

`And all sorts of marriage, also snub and otherwise?' he said.

`That's it.'

`And you think if I marry, it will be snub?' asked Gerald quizzically, his head a little on one side.

Birkin laughed quickly.

`How do I know what it will be!' he said. `Don't lambaste me with my own parallels--'

Gerald pondered a while.

`But I should like to know your opinion, exactly,' he said.

`On your marriage? -- or marrying? Why should you want my opinion? I've got no opinions. I'm not interested in legal marriage, one way or another. It's a mere question of convenience.'

Still Gerald watched him closely.

`More than that, I think,' he said seriously. `However you may be bored by the ethics of marriage, yet really to marry, in one's own personal case, is something critical, final--'

`You mean there is something final in going to the registrar with a woman?'

`If you're coming back with her, I do,' said Gerald. `It is in some way irrevocable.'

`Yes, I agree,' said Birkin.

`No matter how one regards legal marriage, yet to enter into the married state, in one's own personal instance, is final--'

`I believe it is,' said Birkin, `somewhere.'

`The question remains then, should one do it,' said Gerald.

Birkin watched him narrowly, with amused eyes.

`You are like Lord Bacon, Gerald,' he said. `You argue it like a lawyer - or like Hamlet's to-be-or-not-to-be. If I were you I would not marry: but ask Gudrun, not me. You're not marrying me, are you?'

Gerald did not heed the latter part of this speech.

`Yes,' he said, `one must consider it coldly. It is something critical. One comes to the point where one must take a step in one direction or another. And marriage is one direction--'

`And what is the other?' asked Birkin quickly.

Gerald looked up at him with hot, strangely-conscious eyes, that the other man could not understand.

`I can't say,' he replied. `If I knew that --' He moved uneasily on his feet, and did not finish.

`You mean if you knew the alternative?' asked Birkin. `And since you don't know it, marriage is a pis aller.'

Gerald looked up at Birkin with the same hot, constrained eyes.

`One does have the feeling that marriage is a pis aller,' he admitted.

`Then don't do it,' said Birkin. `I tell you,' he went on, `the same as I've said before, marriage in the old sense seems to me repulsive. Egoisme a deux is nothing to it. It's a sort of tacit hunting in couples: the world all in couples, each couple in its own little house, watching its own little interests, and stewing in its own little privacy -- it's the most repulsive thing on earth.'

`I quite agree,' said Gerald. `There's something inferior about it. But as I say, what's the alternative.'

`One should avoid this home instinct. It's not an instinct, it's a habit of cowardliness. One should never have a home.'

`I agree really,' said Gerald. `But there's no alternative.'

`We've got to find one. I do believe in a permanent union between a man and a woman. Chopping about is merely an exhaustive process. But a permanent relation between a man and a woman isn't the last word -- it certainly isn't.'

`Quite,' said Gerald.

`In fact,' said Birkin, `because the relation between man and woman is made the supreme and exclusive relationship, that's where all the tightness and meanness and insufficiency comes in.'

`Yes, I believe you,' said Gerald.

`You've got to take down the love-and-marriage ideal from its pedestal. We want something broader. I believe in the additional perfect relationship between man and man -- additional to marriage.'

`I can never see how they can be the same,' said Gerald.

`Not the same -- but equally important, equally creative, equally sacred, if you like.'

`I know,' said Gerald, `you believe something like that. Only I can't feel it, you see.' He put his hand on Birkin's arm, with a sort of deprecating affection. And he smiled as if triumphantly.

He was ready to be doomed. Marriage was like a doom to him. He was willing to condemn himself in marriage, to become like a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld, living no life in the sun, but having a dreadful subterranean activity. He was willing to accept this. And marriage was the seal of his condemnation. He was willing to be sealed thus in the underworld, like a soul damned but living forever in damnation. But he would not make any pure relationship with any other soul. He could not. Marriage was not the committing of himself into a relationship with Gudrun. It was a committing of himself in acceptance of the established world, he would accept the established order, in which he did not livingly believe, and then he would retreat to the underworld for his life. This he would do.

The other way was to accept Rupert's offer of alliance, to enter into the bond of pure trust and love with the other man, and then subsequently with the woman. If he pledged himself with the man he would later be able to pledge himself with the woman: not merely in legal marriage, but in absolute, mystic marriage.

Yet he could not accept the offer. There was a numbness upon him, a numbness either of unborn, absent volition, or of atrophy. Perhaps it was the absence of volition. For he was strangely elated at Rupert's offer. Yet he was still more glad to reject it, not to be committed.

 

布朗温家要从贝多佛搬走了。父亲此时需要住在城里去。

伯金领了结婚证，可厄秀拉却一拖再拖不结婚。她不要定下固定日子——她还在犹豫。她原申请一个月内离开学校，现在已是第三周了。圣诞节快到了。

杰拉德在等厄秀拉和伯金结婚的日子。对他来说这至关重要。

“咱们是否两对儿一起办喜事？”他问伯金。

“谁是第二对儿？”伯金问。

“戈珍和我呀。”杰拉德眼中闪着冒险的光说。

伯金审视着他，有点吃惊。

“真话，还是开玩笑？”他问。

“哦，当然是真话。行吗？戈珍和我加入你们的行列？”

“行，当然行，”伯金说，“我还不知道你们已经这样了。”

“什么样？”杰拉德看着伯金笑问。

“哦，经历过了一切。”他又说。

“还应该纳入更广阔的社会背景中，达到更高的精神境界”伯金说。

“有那么点意思：无论是广度、深度还是高度。”杰拉德笑道。

“是啊，这一步是很令人羡慕的，可以这么说。”

杰拉德凝视着他。

“你为什么没热情？”他问，“我以为你在婚姻问题上是个怪人。”

伯金耸耸肩道：

“如同人的鼻子，难免有怪的一样。什么样的鼻子都有，扁鼻子或别的样的——”

杰拉德笑了。

“什么样的婚姻都有，扁的或别样的吗？”

“对的。”

“那么，你以为我的婚姻是什么样的？会是冷漠的吗？”杰拉德的头扭向一边问道。

伯金短促地笑了一声。

“我怎么能知道？！”他说，“别用我自己的例子来指责我。”

杰拉德思忖了片刻说：

“可我想知道你的看法，真的。”

“对于你的婚姻，还是对婚姻本身？你为什么要问我的看法？我没什么看法。对于这样那样的法律婚姻我不感兴趣。这只是一个合适不合适的问题。”

杰拉德仍旧盯着他。

“更有甚者，”他严肃地说，“也许你让婚姻道德弄烦了，可是，结婚对一个人来说确实是至关紧要，是最终——”

“你认为和一个女人去登记就意味着某种终结吗？”

“如果登完记同她一起回来的话，就是这样，”杰拉德说，“从某种意义上说这是难以改变的了。”

“对，我同意。”伯金说。

“不管你怎么看待法律婚姻，只要你进入了婚姻状态，对你个人来说这就是结束——”

“我相信在某种意义上这是对的。”伯金说。

“可问题还没解决，应该不应该结婚呢？”杰拉德说。

伯金感到有趣，眯起眼睛看着他。

“杰拉德，你象培根大人，”他说，“你象个律师在争论问题——或者象哈姆雷特一样在谈‘生还是死’。如果我是你，我就不结婚。你应该问戈珍，而不是问我，你又不是跟我结婚，对吗？”

对后半句话杰拉德压根儿没去听。

“是啊，”他说，“是要冷静地考虑这个问题。这是至关紧要的事儿。现在到了采取措施选择哪一个方向的时候了。结婚是一个方向——”

“可出路在哪儿？”伯金紧跟着问。

杰拉德的眼睛热辣辣地看看伯金，心中十分奇怪：他怎么会理解不了呢？

“我说不清，”他回答，“我知道——”他很不自在地动着双脚，话没说完。

“你的意思是你知道出路？”伯金问，“既然你不知道，那么，婚姻就是最坏的事。”

杰拉德仍旧紧张地看着他。

“是有这种感觉。”他承认道。

“那就别结婚，”伯金说，“听我说，”他继续说，“我曾说过，婚姻似乎让人反感。两性间的私情并不等于是婚姻，它是恋人们心照不宣的追求。这个世界都是成双成对的。每对男女都关在自己的小屋子中，关心自己的小小利益，忙自己的私事儿——这是世上顶顶讨厌的事。”

“我很同意你的说法。”杰拉德说，“这里面总有点低级趣味。可是，我又要说了，用什么来代替它呢？”

“人应该放弃这种家庭本能。这倒不是本能，而是一种懦夫的习惯。人永远不要有家。”

“我确实同意，”杰拉德说，“可你别无选择。”

“我们应该找到一条出路，我的确相信女人和男人之间有一种永恒的联盟。改变方向是太让人疲倦了。可男女之间永恒的联盟并不是终极，当然不是的。”

“很对。”杰拉德说。

“事实上，”伯金说，“因为男女之间的关系让人弄得至高无上，排除了一切，所以这种关系显得紧密、小气、不足。”

“对，你说得对。”杰拉德说。

“应该把恋爱——结婚的理想从受尊敬的地位上拉下来。我们需要更广阔的东西。我相信男人与男人间完美的关系可以成为婚姻的补充。”

“我看不出两者之间的共同之处。”杰拉德说。

“不是一样的，但同样重要，同样是创造性的，同样神圣。”

“懂了，”杰拉德说，“你相信这类说教，我可以感觉出来。”

他深表赞同地把手搭在伯金肩上，有点得胜似地笑了。

他准备接受命运的宣判。结婚对他来说是一种死亡。他自愿谴责自己，愿意象囚犯一样被打入地狱，永不见天日，只过一种可怕的地下生活。他自愿接受这样的命运。结婚就是他的判决书上的图章。他愿意就此被封在地下，象一个精灵，尽管受着谴责却要活下去。当然他不会同任何别的灵魂发生关系。他不能。结婚并不意味着他同戈珍建立了责任关系。结婚使得他接受了现存的世界，他要接受已建立的秩序，尽管他并不那么相信它，随后他会退入阴间去生活。他会这样的。

另一条路是接受卢伯特的建议，与另一个男人建立起同盟，纯粹相互信任，相爱，随后再与女人这样。如果他能和一个男人宣誓为盟他也可以同女人这样；不是在法律婚姻中，而是在绝对神秘的结合中。

可是他不能接受这个建议。他浑身麻木，一种未出生的，缺乏意志或萎缩的麻木。或许是缺乏意志的缘故吧。他对卢伯特的建议感到异常激动，可他仍然要反对它，不愿对此奉献自己。