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Book 6 Chapter 19

THE NEXT DAY Prince Andrey paid calls on various people whom he had not visited before, and among them on the Rostovs, with whom he had renewed his acquaintance at the ball. Apart from considerations of politeness, which necessitated a call on the Rostovs, Prince Andrey wanted to see at home that original, eager girl, who had left such a pleasant recollection with him.

Natasha was one of the first to meet him. She was in a blue everyday dress, in which she struck Prince Andrey as looking prettier than in her ball-dress. She and all the family received Prince Andrey like an old friend, simply and cordially. All the family, which Prince Andrey had once criticised so severely, now seemed to him to consist of excellent, simple, kindly people. The hospitality and good-nature of the old count, particularly striking and attractive in Petersburg, was such that Prince Andrey could not refuse to stay to dinner. “Yes, these are good-natured, capital people,” thought Bolkonsky. “Of course they have no conception, what a treasure they possess in Natasha; but they are good people, who make the best possible background for the strikingly poetical figure of that charming girl, so full of life!”

Prince Andrey was conscious in Natasha of a special world, utterly remote from him, brimful of joys unknown to him, that strange world, which even in the avenue at Otradnoe, and on that moonlight night at the window had tantalised him. Now that no longer tantalised him, it seemed no longer an alien world; but he himself was stepping into it, and finding new pleasures in it.

After dinner Natasha went to the clavichord, at Prince Andrey's request, and began singing. Prince Andrey stood at the window talking to the ladies, and listened to her. In the middle of a phrase, Prince Andrey ceased speaking, and felt suddenly a lump in his throat from tears, the possibility of which he had not dreamed of in himself. He looked at Natasha singing, and something new and blissful stirred in his soul. He was happy, and at the same time he was sad. He certainly had nothing to weep about, but he was ready to weep. For what? For his past love? For the little princess? For his lost illusions? … For his hopes for the future? … Yes, and no. The chief thing which made him ready to weep was a sudden, vivid sense of the fearful contrast between something infinitely great and illimitable existing in him, and something limited and material, which he himself was, and even she was.

This contrast made his heart ache, and rejoiced him while she was singing.

As soon as Natasha had finished singing, she went up to him, and asked how he liked her voice. She asked this, and was abashed after saying it, conscious that she ought not to have asked such a question. He smiled, looking at her, and said he liked her singing, as he liked everything she did.

It was late in the evening when Prince Andrey left the Rostovs'. He went to bed from the habit of going to bed, but soon saw that he could not sleep. He lighted a candle and sat up in bed; then got up, then lay down again, not in the least wearied by his sleeplessness: he felt a new joy in his soul, as though he had come out of a stuffy room into the open daylight. It never even occurred to him that he was in love with this little Rostov girl. He was not thinking about her. He only pictured her to himself, and the whole of life rose before him in a new light as he did so. “Why do I struggle? Why am I troubled in this narrow cramped routine, when life, all life, with all its joys, lies open before me?” he said to himself. And for the first time for a very long while, he began making happy plans for the future. He made up his mind that he ought to look after his son's education, to find a tutor, and entrust the child to him. Then he ought to retire from the army, and go abroad, see England, Switzerland, Italy. “I must take advantage of my liberty, while I feel so much youth and strength in me,” he told himself. “Pierre was right in saying that one must believe in the possibility of happiness, in order to be happy, and now I do believe in it. Let us leave the dead to bury the dead; but while one is living, one must live and be happy,” he thought.


次日,安德烈公爵去访问他还没有去过的几家人,就包括在最近一次舞会上恢复旧交的罗斯托夫一家人。从礼节而论,安德烈公爵应当去罗斯托夫家里访问,此外他还想在他们家里看到这个特殊的、活泼的、给他留下愉快的回忆的姑娘。

娜塔莎随着几个人先走出来迎接他。她身穿一件蓝色的家常连衣裙,安德烈公爵仿佛觉得她穿这件衣裳比穿舞会服装还更漂亮。她和罗斯托夫全家人接待安德烈公爵,就像接待老朋友似的,大方而亲切。安德烈公爵从前严厉地指责这家人,现在他仿佛觉得他们都是优秀的、纯朴的善良的人。老伯爵的好客和温厚曾使彼得堡人都感到异常亲切,因此安德烈公爵不能谢绝他所举办的午宴。“是的,他们是善良的可爱的人,”博尔孔斯基想到,“不消说,他们丝毫不明了娜塔莎具有丰富的内心美,但是善良的人们构成了最美的背景,在背景上,这个特别富有诗意、充满生命力、十分迷人的姑娘显得分外突出,光艳照人!”

安德烈公爵心里觉得,娜塔莎身上存在那样一个他认为完全陌生的、充满着他不熟知的欢乐的特殊世界,往昔在奥特拉德诺耶林荫道上,在窗台上,在月明之夜,这个陌生的世界曾经激起他的欲望。如今这个世界已经不再逗弄他了,已经不是陌生的世界了;可是当他亲自进入这个世界后,他已经发现其中有一种新的乐趣。

午宴后娜塔莎在安德烈公爵的请求下走到击弦古钢琴前面,唱起歌来。安德烈公爵站在窗口,和几个女士谈话,一面的听她唱歌。当她唱到一个短句的半中间,安德烈公爵不再作声了,忽然感觉到泪水涌上了他的喉头,他先前从来就不知道怎么会热泪盈眶。他望望唱歌的娜塔莎,他心灵中产生了一种新的幸福的感觉。他感到幸福,同时又觉得忧悒。他根本用不着发哭,但是他很想哭出声来。为什么而哭呢?为了从前的爱情吗?为了矮小的公爵夫人吗?为了绝望而哭吗?……为对未来的希望而哭吗?……亦是,亦非。他很想发哭,主要是因为他突然意识到他的心灵中的无穷大的、不甚分明的东西与那窄山的有形的东西之间的可怕的对立,他本人,甚至连她都是有形的东西。在她歌唱的时候,这种对立既使他痛苦,也使他高兴。

娜塔莎刚刚唱完,就走到他跟前,问他是否喜欢她的歌喉,她问了这句话,当她开了腔,明白她不该这样问之后,她感到困惑不安。他端详着她,微微一笑,并且说,他喜欢她唱歌,就像他喜欢她所作的一切事情。

安德烈分爵于深夜才离开罗斯托夫之家。他按照就寝的习惯躺下来睡觉,但是他很快就知道他不能入睡。他时而点燃蜡烛,坐在卧榻上,时而站起来,又躺下去,丝毫不因失眠而感到苦恼,他心里非常愉快,分外清新,好像从窒闷的房里走到自由的世间。他连想也没有想到他会爱上罗斯托娃;他没有想她,她只在他脑海中浮现,因此他好像觉得他的生活焕然一新。“当生活,全部生活和生活中的一切欢乐在我面前展现的时候,我为什么要害怕,我为什么要在这个狭隘的与外界隔绝的框框中忙碌地张罗?”他对自己这样说。他于是在长时期后第一次开始拟订幸福的前景规划。他自行决定,他应该着手培养自己的儿子,给他找个教育者,把儿子付托给他;然后就应当退休,到外国去,游览英吉利、瑞士、意大利。“趁我觉得自己风华正茂、精力旺盛的时候,我应当享受我应有的自由。”他自言自语地说。“皮埃尔没有错,他说过,要做一个幸福者,就应当相信幸福是可以得到的,所以我现在相信他的话。任凭死人埋葬他们的死人,①趁我活着的时候,就应当生活,应当做一个幸福者。”他想道。

①见《圣经·新约·马太福音》第八章第二十二节。



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