Book 6 Chapter 12

NATASHA was sixteen, and it was the year 1809, that year to which she had reckoned up on her fingers with Boris, after she had kissed him four years before. Since then she had not once seen him. When Boris was mentioned she would speak quite freely of it before Sonya and her mother, treating it as a settled thing that all that had passed between them was childish nonsense, not worth talking of and long ago forgotten. But in the most secret recesses of her soul the question whether her engagement to Boris were really a mere jest or a solemn, binding promise worried her.

Ever since Boris had left Moscow in 1805 to go into the army he had not once seen the Rostovs. Several times he had been in Moscow, and in travelling had passed not far from Otradnoe, but he had not once been at the Rostovs'.

It had sometimes occurred to Natasha that he did not want to see her, and her surmises had been confirmed by the mournful tone in which he was referred to by her elders.

“Old friends are soon forgotten nowadays,” the countess would say after Boris had been mentioned.

Anna Mihalovna had taken in these latter days to seeing less of the Rostovs. There was a marked dignity, too, in her manner with them, and she spoke on every occasion with thankfulness and enthusiasm of her son's great abilities and brilliant career. When the Rostovs arrived in Petersburg Boris came to call on them.

It was not without emotion that he came to see them. His reminiscences of Natasha were Boris's most poetic memories. But at the same time he came to call on them firmly resolved to make her and her relations feel that the childish vows between Natasha and him could have no binding force for her or for him. He had a brilliant position in society, thanks to his intimacy with Countess Bezuhov; a brilliant position in the service, thanks to the protection of a great person whose confidence he had completely won; and he was beginning to make plans for marrying one of the richest heiresses in Petersburg, plans which might very easily be realised. When Boris went into the Rostovs' drawing-room, Natasha was in her own room. On hearing of his arrival she almost ran with a flushed face into the drawing-room, radiant with a smile that was more than cordial.

Boris had thought of Natasha as the little girl he had known four years before in a short frock, with black eyes glancing under her curls, and a desperate, childish giggle; and so, when a quite different Natasha came in, he was taken aback and his face expressed surprise and admiration. His expression delighted Natasha.

“Well, would you know your mischievous little playmate?” said the countess. Boris kissed Natasha's hand, and said he was surprised at the change in her.

“How pretty you have grown!”

“I should hope so!” was the answer in Natasha's laughing eyes.

“And does papa look older?” she asked.

Natasha sat still, taking no part in the talk between Boris and her mother. Silently and minutely she scrutinised the young man who had been her suitor in her childhood. He felt oppressed by that persistent, friendly gaze, and glanced once or twice at her.

The uniform, the spurs, the tie, the way Boris had brushed his hair,—it was all fashionable and comme il faut. That Natasha noticed at once. He sat a little sideways on a low chair beside the countess, with his right hand smacking the exquisitely clean and perfectly fitting glove on his left. He talked with a peculiar, refined compression of the lips about the divisions of the best society in Petersburg; with faint irony referred to old days in Moscow and old Moscow acquaintances. Not unintentionally, as Natasha felt, he mentioned some of the highest aristocracy, alluded to the ambassador's ball, at which he had been present, and to invitations from N. N. and from S. S.

Natasha sat the whole time without speaking, looking up from under her brows at him. Her eyes made Boris more and more uneasy and embarrassed. He looked round more frequently at Natasha, and broke off in his sentences. After staying no more than ten minutes he got up and took leave. Still the same curious, challenging, and rather ironical eyes gazed at him. After his first visit, Boris said to himself that Natasha was as attractive to him as she had been in the past, but that he must not give way to his feelings, because to marry her—a girl almost without fortune—would be the ruin of his career, and to renew their old relations without any intention of marriage would be dishonourable. Boris resolved to avoid meeting Natasha; but in spite of this resolution he came a few days later, and began to come often, and to spend whole days at the Rostovs'. He fancied that it was essential for him to have a frank explanation with Natasha, to tell her that all the past must be forgotten, that in spite of everything…she could not be his wife, that he had no means, and that they would never consent to her marrying him. But he always failed to do so, and felt an awkwardness in approaching the subject. Every day he became more and more entangled. Natasha—so her mother and Sonya judged—seemed to be in love with Boris, as in the past. She sang for him her favourite songs, showed him her album, made him write in it, would not let him refer to the past, making him feel how delightful she considered the present; and every day he went home in a whirl without having said what he meant to say, not knowing what he was doing, why he had come, and how it would end. Boris gave up visiting Ellen, received reproachful notes every day from her, and still spent whole days together at the Rostovs'.

娜塔莎年方十六岁，时值一八○九年，正是她和鲍里斯在四年前接吻以后屈指数到的那年。从那时起她一次也没有看见鲍里斯。当话题涉及鲍里斯时，就像提起一件已经决定了的事情，她在索尼娅和母亲面前很随便地谈到这一切往事无非是孩子气的举动，不值得启齿，老早就遗忘了。但是在她那隐秘的灵魂深处，她对鲍里斯作出的保证是否是戏言，还是紧要的、具有约束力的诺言，这个问题一直使她觉得难受。

自从一八○五年鲍里斯从莫斯科去参军以来，他就未曾和罗斯托夫一家人会面。他有几次从离奥特拉德诺耶不远的地方经过，回到莫斯科，但是一回也没有到罗斯托夫家里去。

娜塔莎有时想到，他不愿意看见她，长辈在谈到他时常用的忧愁的语调，证实了她的猜测。

“当今之世没有人会想念老朋友。”伯爵夫人在有人提到鲍里斯之后接着这样说。

安娜·米哈伊洛夫娜迩来较少地到罗斯托夫家里去，不知何故她的举止也特别庄重，她每次都兴奋地、感激地谈到她儿子的长处以及他的锦绣前程。当罗斯托夫一家人来到彼得堡时，鲍里斯便去访问他们。

他的心情不无激动地走到他们那里去。鲍里斯对娜塔莎的想念是最富有诗意的。而与此同时，他在途中就怀有坚定的意图，要让她和她的父母明确地意识到，他和娜塔莎的童年时代互相许下的诺言，无论是对他，还是对她，都不可能是必须履行的义务。他因与伯爵夫人别祖霍娃有密切关系，所以他在社会上的处境十分美满，又因他有一位要人庇护他，所以他的职位十分显赫，他完全博得这位要人的信任，他于是打算娶一个彼得堡的最富有的及笄的姑娘，他的这种打算在当时是很容易实现的。当鲍里斯走进罗斯托夫家的客厅时，娜塔莎正在她自己房里。她知道他的到来之后，满面通红，喜气洋洋，流露出过分亲热的微笑，几乎是跑着走进客厅里去。

鲍里斯记得四前他认识的娜塔莎，那时她穿着短短的连衣裙，长着一对乌黑的、从卷发下面闪闪发亮的眼睛，可以听见她的无所顾忌的孩子气的笑声，因此，在这个完全不同的娜塔莎走进来的时候，他觉得腼腆起来，他的脸上显示出喜悦和惊奇。他这种脸部表情使娜塔莎感到高兴。

“怎么，你认得你的淘气的小女朋友么？”伯爵夫人说。鲍里斯吻吻娜塔莎的手，并且说，她身上发生的变化使他感到惊讶。

“您比以前好看多了！”

“当然！”娜塔莎的发笑的眼睛答道。

“可是爸爸变老了？”她问道。娜塔莎坐下来，没有参加鲍里斯和伯爵夫人的谈话，一言不发地仔细打量她的童年时代的追求者。他身上感觉到这种温和的、凝神注视他的目光的沉重的压力，有时朝她瞥上一眼。

鲍里斯的制服、马刺、领带、发式——这一切都是最时髦的，很不错的（comme　il　faut①）。娜塔莎立刻看出来了。他稍微侧着身子坐在伯爵夫人身旁的安乐椅上，用右手整一整搁在左手上的那只最干净的套得紧紧的手套，特别文雅地闭紧嘴唇，提起彼得堡上流社会的娱乐活动，带着温厚的嘲笑的意味回想起莫斯科的往日的好光景和莫斯科的熟人。他和娜塔莎的感受有所不同，他并非毫无用意地说出高级贵族的姓名，提及他曾出席的公使举办的舞会，以及赴NN和SS出席宴会的请帖。

①法语：很不错的。

娜塔莎始终默不作声地坐着，皱起眉头望着他。这种目光使鲍里斯感到困窘不安。他更频繁地窥视娜塔莎的眼神，不止一次地使讲话中断。他坐了不到十分钟，就站起来行礼告别。依然是那双好奇的、挑衅性的、略带讥讽意味的眼睛不住地端详着他。在第一次访问后，鲍里斯对自己说，娜塔莎还像从前一样使他着迷，但他不应当沉溺于这种感情，因为娶她这个几乎没有钱财的姑娘会断送他的前程，但若无结婚目的而恢复以前的关系，是不高尚的行为。鲍里斯独自一人拿定主意，避免和娜塔沙相会，虽然他下定这个决心，经过几天后又走来了，从此时开始常来串门并在罗斯托夫家里消磨整天整天的时光。他脑海中时常想到，他必须对她表白爱情，告诉她，从前的一切必须忘却，无论如何……她也不能成为他的妻子，他没有财产，他们永远也不会让她嫁给他。但是这事心儿他总办不成，觉得表白爱情是很难为情的。他日益陷入窘境。根据母亲和索尼娅的观察，娜塔莎看来仍旧十分钟情于鲍里斯。她把他所喜爱的歌曲唱给他听，把她自己的纪念册拿给他看，叫他在纪念册上题词，不让自己向他提起往事，要他明白新鲜事物是多么美妙；他每天都是模模糊糊地离开，没有把他要说的话说完，他自己也不知道，他在干什么，为什么而来，会产生什么结果。鲍里斯不再到海伦那里去了，他每天接到她的带有责备意味的便函，他仍旧整天整天地在罗斯托夫家里消磨时光。