Chapter 12

While Miss Linton moped about the park and garden, always silent, and almost always in tears; and her brother shut himself up among books that he never opened--wearying, I guessed, with a continual vague expectation that Catherine, repenting her conduct, would come of her own accord to ask pardon, and seek a reconciliation--and she fasted pertinaciously, under the idea, probably, that at every meal, Edgar was ready to choke for her absence, and pride alone held him from running to cast himself at her feet: I went about my household duties, convinced that the Grange had but one sensible soul in its walls, and that lodged in my body. I wasted no condolences on Miss, nor any expostulations on my mistress; nor did I pay much attention to the sighs of my master, who yearned to hear his lady's name, since he might not hear her voice. I determined they should come about as they pleased for me; and though it was a tiresomely slow process, I began to rejoice at length in a faint dawn of its progress: as I thought at first.

Mrs Linton, on the third day, unbarred her door, and having finished the water in her pitcher and decanter, desired a renewed supply, and a basin of gruel, for she believed she was dying. That I set down as a speech meant for Edgar's ears; I believed no such thing, so I kept it to myself and brought her some tea and dry toast. She ate and drank eagerly; and sank back on her pillow again clenching her hands and groaning. `Oh, I will die,' she exclaimed, `since no one cares anything about me. I wish I had not taken that.' Then a good while after I heard her murmur, `No, I'll not die--he'd be glad--he does not love me at all--he would never miss me!'

`Did you want anything, ma'am?' I inquired, still preserving my external composure, in spite of her ghastly countenance, and strange exaggerated manner.

`What is that apathetic being doing?' she demanded, pushing her thick entangled locks from her wasted face. `Has he fallen into a lethargy, or is he dead?'

`Neither,' replied I; `if you mean Mr Linton. He's tolerably well, I think, though his studies occupy him rather more than they ought: he is continually among his books, since he has no other society.'

I should not have spoken so, if I had known her true condition, but I could not get rid of the notion that she acted a part of her disorder.

`Among his books!' she cried, confounded. `And I dying! I on the brink of the grave! My God! does he know how I'm altered?' continued she, staring at her reflection in a mirror hanging against the opposite wall. `Is that Catherine Linton! He imagines me in a pet--in play, perhaps. Cannot you inform him that it is frightful earnest? Nelly, if it be not too late, as soon as I learn how he feels, I'll choose between these two; either to starve at once--that would be no punishment unless he had a heart--or to recover, and leave the country. Are you speaking the truth about him now? Take care. Is he actually so utterly indifferent for my life?'

`Why, ma'am,' I answered, `the master has no idea of your being deranged; and of course he does not fear that you will let yourself die of hunger.'

`You think not? Cannot you tell him I will?' she returned. `Persuade him! speak of your own mind: say you are certain I will!'

`No, you forget, Mrs Linton,' I suggested, `that you have eaten some food with a relish this evening, and tomorrow you will perceive its good effects.'

`If I were only sure it would kill him,' she interrupted, `I'd kill myself directly! These three awful nights, I've never closed my lids--and oh, I've been tormented! I've been haunted, Nelly! But I begin to fancy you don't like me. How strange! I thought, though everybody hated and despised each other, they could not avoid loving me. And they have all turned to enemies in a few hours: they have, I'm positive; the people here. How dreary to meet death, surrounded by their cold faces! Isabella terrified and repelled, afraid to enter the room, it would be so dreadful to watch Catherine go. And Edgar standing solemnly by to see it over; then offering prayers of thanks to God for restoring peace to his house, and going back to his books! What in the name of all that feels has he to do with books, when I am dying?'

She could not bear the notion which I had put into her head of Mr Linton's philosophical resignation. Tossing about, she increased her feverish bewilderment to madness, and tore the pillow with her teeth; then raising herself up all burning, desired that I would open the window. We were in the middle of winter, the wind blew strong from the north-east, and I objected. Both the expressions flitting over her face, and the changes of her moods, began to alarm me terribly; and brought to my recollection her former illness, and the doctor's injunction that she should not be crossed. A minute previously she was violent; now, supported on one arm, and not noticing my refusal to obey her, she seemed to find childish diversion in pulling the feathers from the rents she had just made, and ranging them on the sheet according to their different species: her mind had strayed to other associations.

`That's a turkey's,' she murmured to herself; `and this is a wild duck's; and this is a pigeon's.Ah, they put pigeons' feathers in the pillows--no wonder I couldn't die! Let me take care to throw it on the floor when I lie down. And here is a moor-cock's; and this--I should know it among a thousand--it's a lapwing's. Bonny bird; wheeling over our heads in the middle of the moor. It wanted to get to its nest, for the clouds had touched the swells, and it felt rain coming. This feather was picked up from the heath, the bird was not shot: we saw its nest in the winter, full of little skeletons. Heathcliff set a trap over it, and the old ones dare not come. I made him promise he'd never shoot a lapwing after that, and he didn't. Yes, here are more! Did he shoot my lapwings, Nelly? Are they red, any of them! Let me look.'

`Give over with that baby-work!' I interrupted, dragging the pillow away, and turning the holes towards the mattress, for she was removing its contents by handfuls. `Lie down and shut your eyes: you're wandering. There's a mess! The down is flying about like snow.'

I went here and there collecting it.

`I see in you, Nelly,' she continued dreamily, `an aged woman: you have grey hair and bent shoulders. This bed is the fairy cave under Peniston Crag, and you are gathering elf-bolts to hurt our heifers; pretending, while I am near, that they are only locks of wool. That's what you'll come to fifty years hence: I know you are not so now. I'm not wandering: you're mistaken, or else I should believe you really were that withered hag, and I should think I was under Peniston Crag; and I'm conscious it's night, and there are two candles on the table making the black press shine like jet.'

`The black press? where is that?' I asked. `You are talking in your sleep!'

`It's against the wall, as it always is,' she replied. `It does appear odd--I see a face in it!'

`There's no press in the room, and never was,' said I, resuming my seat, and looping up the curtain that I might watch her.

`Don't you see that face?' she inquired, gazing earnestly at the mirror.

And say what I could, I was incapable of making her comprehend it to be her own; so I rose and covered it with a shawl.

`It's behind there still!' she pursued anxiously. `And it stirred. Who is it? I hope it will not come out when you are gone! Oh! Nelly, the room is haunted! I'm afraid of being alone!'

I took her hand in mine, and bid her be composed: for a succession of shudders convulsed her frame, and she would keep straining her gaze towards the glass.

`There's nobody here!' I insisted. `It was yourself, Mrs Linton: you knew it a while since.'

`Myself!' she gasped, `and the clock is striking twelve! It's true, then! that's dreadful!'

Her fingers clutched the clothes, and gathered them over her eyes. I attempted to steal to the door with an intention of calling her husband; but I was summoned back by a piercing shriek--the shawl had dropped from the frame.

`Why, what is the matter?' cried I. `Who is coward now? Wake up! That is the glass--the mirror, Mrs Linton; and you see yourself in it, and there am I too, by your side.'

Trembling and bewildered, she held me fast, but the horror gradually passed from her countenance; its paleness gave place to a glow of shame.

`Oh, dear! I thought I was at home,' she sighed. `I thought I was lying in my chamber at Wuthering Heights. Because I'm weak, my brain got confused, and I screamed unconsciously. Don t say anything; but stay with me. I dread sleeping: my dreams appal me.'

`A sound sleep would do you good, ma'am,' I answered; `and I hope this suffering will prevent your trying starving again.'

`Oh, if I were but in my own bed in the old house!' she went on bitterly, wringing her hands, `And that wind sounding in the firs by the lattice. Do let me feel it--it comes straight down the moor--do let me have one breath!'

To pacify her, I held the casement ajar a few seconds. A cold blast rushed through; I closed it, and returned to my post. She lay still now, her face bathed in tears. Exhaustion of body had entirely subdued her spirit: our fiery Catherine was no better than a wailing child.

`How long is it since I shut myself in here?' she asked, suddenly reviving.

`It was Monday evening,' I replied, `and this is Thursday night, or rather Friday morning, at present.

`What! of the same week?' she exclaimed. `Only that brief time?'

`Long enough to live on nothing but cold water and ill-temper, observed I.

`Well, it seems a weary number of hours,' she muttered doubtfully: `it must be more. I remember being in the parlour after they had quarrelled, and Edgar being cruelly provoking, and me running into this room desperate. As soon as ever I had barred the door, utter blackness overwhelmed me, and I fell on the floor. I couldn't explain to Edgar how certain I felt of having a fit, or going raging mad, if he persisted in teasing me! I had no command of tongue, or brain, and he did not guess my agony, perhaps: it barely left me sense to try to escape from him and his voice. Before I recovered sufficiently to see and hear, it began to be dawn, and, Nelly, I'll tell you what I thought, and what has kept recurring and recurring till I feared for my reason. I thought as I lay there, with my head against that table leg, and my eyes dimly discerning the grey square of the window, that I was enclosed in the oak-panelled bed at home; and my heart ached with some great grief which, just waking, I could not recollect. I pondered, and worried myself to discover what it could be, and, most strangely, the whole last seven years of my life grew a blank! I did not recall that they had been at all. I was a child; my father was just buried, and my misery arose from the separation that Hindley had ordered between me and Heathcliff. I was laid alone, for the first time; and, rousing from a dismal doze after a night of weeping, I lifted my hand to push the panels aside: it struck the table top! I swept it along the carpet, and then memory burst in: my late anguish was swallowed in a paroxysm of despair. I cannot say why I felt so wildly wretched: it must have been temporary derangement, for there is scarcely cause. But, supposing at twelve years old I had been wrenched from the Heights, and every early association, and my all in all, as Heathcliff was at that time, and been converted at a stroke into Mrs Linton, the lady of Thrushcross Grange, and the wife of a stranger: an exile, and outcast, thenceforth, from what had been my world. You may fancy a glimpse of the abyss where I grovelled! Shake your head as you will, Nelly, you have helped to unsettle me! You should have spoken to Edgar, indeed you should, and compelled him to leave me quiet! Oh, I'm burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at injuries, not maddening under them! Why am I so changed? why does my blood rush into a hell of tumult at a few words? I'm sure I should be myself were I once among the heather on those hills. Open the window again wide: fasten it open! Quick, why don't you move?'

`Because I won't give you your death of cold,' I answered.

`You won't give me a chance of life, you mean,' she said sullenly. `However, I'm not helpless, yet: I'll open it myself.'

And sliding from the bed before I could hinder her, she crossed the room, walking very uncertainly, threw it back, and bent out, careless of the frosty air that cut about her shoulders as keen as a knife. I entreated, and finally attempted to force her to retire. But I soon found her delirious strength much surpassed mine (she was delirious, I became convinced by her subsequent actions and ravings). There was no moon, and everything beneath lay in misty darkness: not a light gleamed from any house, far or near--all had been extinguished long ago; and those at Wuthering Heights were never visible--still she asserted she caught their shining.

`Look!' she cried eagerly, `that's my room with the candle in it, and the trees swaying before it: and the other candle is in Joseph's garret. Joseph sits up late, doesn't he? He's waiting till I come home that he may lock the gate. Well, he'll wait a while yet. It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it; and we must pass by Gimmerton Kirk, to go that journey! We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand among the graves and ask them to come. But, Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you. I'll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won't rest till you are with me. I never will!'

She paused, and resumed with a strange smile. `He's considering--he'd rather I'd come to him! Find a way, then! not through that kirkyard. You are slow! Be content, you always followed me!'

Perceiving it vain to argue against her insanity, I was planning how I could reach something to wrap about her, without quitting my hold of herself (for I could not trust her alone by the gaping lattice), when, to my consternation, I heard the rattle of the door handle, and Mr Linton entered. He had only then come from the library; and, in passing through the lobby, had noticed our talking and been attracted by curiosity, or fear, to examine what it signified, at that late hour.

`Oh, sir!' I cried, checking the exclamation risen to his lips at the sight which met him, and the bleak atmosphere of the chamber. `My poor mistress is ill, and she quite masters me: I cannot manage her at all; pray, come and persuade her to go to bed. Forget your anger, for she's hard to guide any way but her own.'

`Catherine ill?' he said, hastening to us. `Shut the window, Ellen! Catherine! why--

He was silent. The haggardness of Mrs Linton's appearance smote him speechless, and he could only glance from her to me in horrified astonishment.

`She's been fretting here,' I continued, `and eating scarcely anything, and never complaining; she would admit none of us till this evening, and so we couldn't inform you of her state as we were not aware of it ourselves; but it is nothing.'

I felt I uttered my explanations awkwardly; the master frowned. `It is nothing, is it, Ellen Dean?' he said sternly. `You shall account more clearly for keeping me ignorant of this!' And he took his wife in his arms, and looked at her with anguish.

At first she gave him no glance of recognition; he was invisible to her abstracted gaze. The delirium was not fixed, however; having weaned her eyes from contemplating the outer darkness, by degrees she centred her attention on him, and discovered who it was that held her.

`Ah! you are come, are you, Edgar Linton?' she said, with angry animation. `You are one of those things that are ever found when least wanted, and when you are wanted, never! I suppose we shall have plenty of lamentations now--I see we shall--but they can't keep me from my narrow home out yonder: my resting-place, where I'm bound before spring is over! There it is: not among the Lintons, mind, under the chapel roof, but in the open air, with a headstone; and you may please yourself, whether you go to them or come to me!'

`Catherine, what have you done?' commenced the master. `Am I nothing to you any more? Do you love that wretch Heath--'

`Hush!' cried Mrs Linton. `Hush, this moment! You mention that name and I end the matter instantly, by a spring from the window! What you touch at present you may have; but my soul will be on that hill top before you lay hands on me again. I don't want you, Edgar: I'm past wanting you. Return to your books. I'm glad you possess a consolation, for all you had in me is gone.'

`Her mind wanders, sir,' I interposed. `She has been talking nonsense the whole evening; but let her have quiet, and proper attendance, and she'll rally. Hereafter, we must be cautious how we vex her.'

`I desire no further advice from you,' answered Mr Linton. `You know your mistress's nature, and you encouraged me to harass her. And not to give me one hint of how she has been these three days! It was heartless! Months of sickness could not cause such a change!'

I began to defend myself, thinking it too bad to be blamed for another's wicked waywardness. `I knew Mrs Linton's nature to be headstrong and domineering,' cried I; `but I didn't know that you wished to foster her fierce temper! I didn't know that, to humour her, I should wink at Mr Heathcliff. I performed the duty of a faithful servant in telling you, and I have got a faithful servant's wages! Well, it will teach me to be careful next time. Next time you may gather intelligence for yourself!'

`The next time you bring a tale to me, you shall quit my service, Ellen Dean,' he replied.

`You'd rather hear nothing about it, I suppose, then, Mr Linton?' said I. `Heathcliff has your permission to come a courting to miss, and to drop in at every opportunity your absence offers, on purpose to poison the mistress against you?'

Confused as Catherine was, her wits were alert at applying our conversation.

`Ah! Nelly has played traitor,' she exclaimed passionately. `Nelly is my hidden enemy. You witch! So you do seek elf-bolts to hurt us! Let me go, I'll make her rue! I'll make her howl a recantation!'

A maniac's fury kindled under her brows; she struggled desperately to disengage herself from Linton's arms. I felt no inclination to tarry the event; and, resolving to seek medical aid on my own responsibility, I quitted the chamber.

In passing the garden to reach the road, at a place where a bridle hook is driven into the wall, I saw something white moved irregularly, evidently by another agent than the wind. Notwithstanding my hurry, I stayed to examine it, lest ever after I should have the conviction impressed on my imagination that it was a creature of the other world. My surprise and perplexity were great to discover, by touch more than vision, Miss Isabella's springer, Fanny, suspended by a handkerchief, and nearly at its last gasp. I quickly released the animal, and lifted it into the garden. I had seen it follow its mistress upstairs when she went to bed; and wondered much how it could have got out there, and what mischievous person had treated it so. While untying the knot round the hook, it seemed to me that I repeatedly caught the beat of horses' feet galloping at some distance; but there were such a number of things to occupy my reflections that I hardly gave the circumstance a thought: though it was a strange sound, in that place, at two o'clock in the morning.

Mr Kenneth was fortunately just issuing from his house to see a patient in the village as I came up the street; and my account of Catherine Linton's malady induced him to accompany me back immediately. He was a plain rough man; and he made no scruple to speak his doubts of her surviving this second attack; unless she were more submissive to his directions than she had shown herself before.

`Nelly Dean,' said he, `I can't help fancying there's an extra cause for this. What has there been to do at the Grange? We've odd reports up here. A stout, hearty lass like Catherine, does not fall ill for a trifle; and that sort of people should not either. It's hard work bringing them through fevers, and such things. How did it begin?'

`The master will inform you,' I answered; `but you are acquainted with the Earnshaws' violent dispositions, and Mrs Linton caps them all. I may say this: it commenced in a quarrel. She was struck during a tempest of passion with a kind of fit. That's her account, at least; for she flew off in the height of it, and locked herself up. Afterwards, she refused to eat, and now she alternately raves and remains in a half-dream; knowing those about her, by having her mind filled with all sorts of strange ideas and illusions.'

`Mr Linton will be sorry?' observed Kenneth, interrogatively.

`Sorry? he'll break his heart should anything happen!' I replied. `Don't alarm him more than necessary.

`Well, I told him to beware,' said my companion; `and he must bide the consequences of neglecting my warning! Hasn't he been thick with Mr Heathcliff, lately?'

`Heathcliff frequently visits at the Grange,' answered I, `though more on the strength of the mistress having known him when a boy, than because the master likes his company. At present, he's discharged from the trouble of calling; owing to some presumptuous aspirations after Miss Linton which he manifested. I hardly think he'll be taken in again.'

`And does Miss Linton turn a cold shoulder on him?' was the doctor's next question.

`I'm not in her confidence,' returned I, reluctant to continue the subject.

`No, she's a sly one,' he remarked, shaking his head. `She keeps her own counsel! But she's a real little fool. I have it from good authority, that, last night (and a pretty night it was!) she and Heathcliff were walking in the plantation at the back of your house, above two hours; and he pressed her not to go in again, but just mount his horse and away with him! My informant said she could only put him off by pledging her word of honour to be prepared on their first meeting after that: when it was to be, he didn't hear; but you urge Mr Linton to look sharp!'

This news filled me with fresh fears; I outstripped Kenneth, and ran most of the way back. The little dog was yelping in the garden yet. I spared a minute to open the gate for it, but instead of going to the house door, it coursed up and down snuffing the grass, and would have escaped to the road, had I not seized and conveyed it in with me. On ascending to Isabella's room, my suspicions were confirmed: it was empty. Had I been a few hours sooner, Mrs Linton's illness might have arrested her rash step. But what could be done now? There was a bare possibility of overtaking them if pursued instantly. I could not pursue them, however; and I dare not rouse the family, and fill the place with confusion; still less unfold the business to my master, absorbed as he was in his present calamity, and having no heart to spare for a second grief! I saw nothing for it but to hold my tongue, and suffer matters to take their course; and Kenneth being arrived, I went with a badly composed countenance to announce him. Catherine lay in a troubled sleep: her husband had succeeded in soothing the access of frenzy: he now hung over her pillow, watching every shade, and every change of her painfully expressive features.

The doctor, on examining the case for himself, spoke hopefully to him of its having a favourable termination, if we could only preserve around her perfect and constant tranquillity. To me, he signified the threatening danger was not so much death, as permanent alienation of intellect.

I did not close my eyes that night, nor did Mr Linton: indeed, we never went to bed; and the servants were all up long before the usual hour, moving through the house with stealthy tread, and exchanging whispers as they encountered each other in their vocations. Everyone was active, but Miss Isabella; and they began to remark how sound she slept: her brother, too, asked if she had risen, and seemed impatient for her presence, and hurt that she showed so little anxiety for her sister-in-law. I trembled lest he should send me to call her; but I was spared the pain of being the first proclaimant of her flight. One of the maids, a thoughtless girl, who had been on an early errand to Gimmerton, came panting upstairs, openmouthed, and dashed into the chamber, crying:

`Oh, dear, dear! What mun we have next? Master, master, our young lady--

`Hold your noise!' cried I hastily, enraged at her clamorous manner.

`Speak lower, Mary--What is the matter?' said Mr Linton. `What ails your young lady?'

`She's gone, she's gone! Yon' Heathcliff's run off wi' her!' gasped the girl.

`That is not true!' exclaimed Linton, rising in agitation. `It cannot be: how has the idea entered your head? Ellen Dean, go and seek her. It is incredible: it cannot be.'

As he spoke he took the servant to the door, and then repeated his demand to know her reasons for such an assertion.

`Why, I met on the road a lad that fetches milk here,' she stammered, `and he asked whether we weren't in trouble at the Grange. I thought he meant for missis's sickness, so I answered, yes. Then says he, "They's somebody gone after `em, I guess?" I stared. He saw I knew nought about it, and he told how a gentleman and lady had stopped to have a horse's shoe fastened at a blacksmith's shop, two miles out of Gimmerton, not very long after midnight! and how the blacksmith's lass had got up to spy who they were: she knew them both directly. And she noticed the man--Heathcliff it was, she felt certain: nobody could mistake him, besides--put a sovereign in her father's hand for payment. The lady had a cloak about her face; but having desired a sup of water, while she drank, it fell back, and she saw her very plain. Heathcliff held both bridles as they rode on, and they set their faces from the village, and went as fast as the rough roads would let them. The lass said nothing to her father, but she told it all over Gimmerton this morning.'

I ran and peeped, for form's sake, into Isabella's room; confirming, when I returned, the servant's statement. Mr Linton had resumed his seat by the bed; on my re-entrance, he raised his eyes, read the meaning of my blank aspect, and dropped them without giving an order, or uttering a word.

`Are we to try any measures for overtaking and bringing her back?' I inquired. `How should we do?'

`She went of her own accord,' answered the master; `she had a right to go if she pleased. Trouble me no more about her. Hereafter she is only my sister in name: not because I disown her, but because she has disowned me.'

And that was all he said on the subject: he did not make a single inquiry further, or mention her in any way, except directing me to send what property she had in the house to her fresh home, wherever it was, when I knew it.

当林惇小姐在园林和花园里郁郁不乐呆呆地走来走去的时候，总是沉默，而且几乎总在流泪。她哥哥把自己埋在书堆里，这些书他却从未打开看过——我猜想，他在不断苦苦地巴望凯瑟琳痛悔她的行为，会自动来请求原谅、和解——而她却顽强地绝食，大概以为在每顿饭时候埃德加看见她缺席便也咽不下去，只因为出于骄傲他才没有跑来跪到她脚前。我照样忙我的家务事，深信田庄墙内只有一个清醒的灵魂，而这灵魂就在我的肉体中。我对小姐并不滥用慰藉，对我的女主人也不滥用劝告；我对我主人的叹息也不大注意，既然他听不到他夫人的声音，就渴望着听到她的名字。我断定他们要是愿意的话，就会来找我的。虽然这是一个令人厌烦的缓慢过程，我开始庆幸到底在进展中有一线曙光了：正如我起初所想的那样。

第三天，林惇夫人开了门栓，她的水壶和水瓶里的水全用完了，要我重新添满，还要一盆粥，因为她相信她快死了。这话我认为是说给埃德加听的。我不信有这回事，所以我也不说出来，就给她拿点茶和烤面包。她挺起劲地吃了喝了，又躺在她的枕头上，握紧拳头，呻吟着。

“啊，我要死啦，”她喊叫，“既然没有人关心我一点点。

但愿我刚才没有吃东西才好。”

过了好大半天，我又听见她咕噜着：“不，我不要死——他会高兴的——他根本不爱我——他永远也不会想念我！”

“你有什么吩咐吗，太太？”我问，不管她那鬼样的脸色和古怪的夸张态度，我还是保持我外表上的平静。

“那无情的东西在作什么？”她问，把她又厚又乱的发卷从她那憔悴的脸上使劲朝后一推。“他是得了昏睡病啦，还是死啦？”

“都没有，”我回答，“如果你的意思是指林惇先生的话。我想他的身体挺好，虽然他的用功占了他过多的时间：他一直埋头在他的书堆里，因为他没有别的朋友作伴。”

如果我知道她的真实情况，我就不该这么说了，可是我没法摆脱这样的念头。她的病有一部分是装出来的。

“埋头在书堆里！”她叫，惶惑不安了。“在我要死的时候！我可正在坟墓边缘上！我的天！他知道不知道我变成什么样啦？”她接着说，瞪着挂在对面墙上镜子中自己的影子。“那是凯瑟琳·林惇么？他也许以为我在撒娇——闹着玩。你就不能通知他说这是非常严重的吗？耐莉，如果还不太迟，只要我一知道他觉得怎么样，我就要在这两者之间选择一个：或者马上饿死——那不会算是惩罚，除非他有一颗心——要不就是恢复健康，离开这乡下，喂，你说的关于他的话是不是实话？小心。他对我的生命真的是这样完全漠不关心吗？”

“哎呀，太太，”我回答，“主人根本没想到你的发狂，当然他也不怕你会饿死你自己啦。”

“你以为不会吗？你就不能告诉他我一定要死的吗？”她回嘴说。“劝他去！说是你自己想的：说你断定我一定会死！”

“不，你忘啦，林惇夫人，”我提醒着，“今天晚上你已经吃了点东西，吃得很香，明天你就会见好了。”

“只要我准知道可以致他死命，”她打断我说，“我就立刻杀死我自己！这可怕的三个夜晚，我就没阖眼——啊，我受尽了折磨！我给鬼缠住啦，耐莉！可是我开始疑心你并不喜欢我。多奇怪！我本来想，虽然每个人都互相憎恨轻视，可他们不能不爱我。不料几个钟头的工夫，他们都变成敌人啦：他们是变啦，我肯定这儿的人都变啦。在他们的冷脸的包围下，去跟死亡相遇可多惨啊！伊莎贝拉是又怕又嫌，怕到这里来；看着凯瑟琳死去将是多可怕啊。埃德加严肃地站在一旁看它完结，然后向上帝祈祷致谢，因为他家又恢复了平静，于是又回去看他的书了！我快要死的时候，他还跟书打交道，他到底存的什么心啊？”

我让她懂得林惇先生保持着哲人的听天由命的态度，她可受不了。她翻来复去，发热昏迷，甚至到了疯狂的地步，而且用牙齿咬着枕头，然后浑身滚烫的挺起来，要我开窗户。那时我们正在仲冬季节，东北风刮得很厉害，我就反对。她脸上闪过的表情和地情绪的变化开始把我吓得要命；而且使我想起她上次的病，以及医生告诫说万不可以让她生气。一分钟以前她还很凶，现在，撑起一只胳臂，也不管我拒绝服从她，她似乎又找到了孩子气的解闷法，从她刚咬开的枕头裂口中拉出片片羽毛来，分类把它们一一排列在床单上：她的心已经游荡到别的联想上去了。

“那是火鸡的，”她自己咕噜着，“这是野鸭的，这是鸽子的。啊，他们把鸽子的毛放在枕头里啦——怪不得我死不了！等我躺下的时候，我可要当心把它扔到地板上。这是公松鸡的，这个——就是夹在一千种别的羽毛里我也认得出来——是田凫的。漂亮的鸟儿，在荒野地里，在我们头顶上回翔。它要到它的窝里去，因为起云啦，它觉得要下雨啦。这根毛是从石南丛生的荒地里拾的，这只鸟儿没打中：我们在冬天看见过它的窝的，满是小骨头。希刺克厉夫在那上面安了一个捕鸟机，大鸟不敢来了。我叫他答应从那回以后再不要打死一只田凫了，他没打过。是的，这里还有！他打死过我的田凫没有，耐莉？它们是不是红的，其中有没有红的？让我瞧瞧。”

“丢开这种小孩子的把戏吧！”我打断她，把枕头拖开，把破洞贴着被褥，因为她正大把大把地把里面的东西向外掏。

“躺下，闭上眼，你发昏啦。搞得一团糟！这些毛像雪片似的乱飞。”

我到处拾毛。

“耐莉，我看，你呀，”她作梦似地继续说，“是个上了年纪的女人啦：你有灰头发和溜肩膀。这张床是盘尼斯吞岩底下的仙洞，你正在收集小鬼用的石镞来伤害我们的小牝牛；当我靠近时，就假装这些是羊毛。那就是五十年后你要变成的样子：我知道你现在还不是这样。我没有发昏：你搞错啦，不然我就得相信你真的是那个干巴巴的老妖婆啦，而且我要以为我真的是在盘尼斯吞岩底下；我知道这是夜晚，桌子上有两支蜡烛，把那黑柜子照得像黑玉那么亮。”

“黑柜子？在哪儿？”我问。“你是在说梦话吧！”

“就是靠在墙上的，一直是在那儿的，”她回答。“是挺古怪——我瞧见里头有个脸！”

“这屋里没有柜子，从来没有过，”我说，又坐到我的座位上，我系起窗帘，好盯着她。

“你瞧见那张脸吗？”她追问着，认真地盯着镜子。

不管怎么说，我还是不能使她明白这就是她自己的脸。因此我站起来，用一条围巾盖住它。

“还是在那后面！”她纠缠不休。“它动啦，那是谁？我希望你走了以后它可不要出来！啊！耐莉，这屋闹鬼啦！我害怕一个人待着！”

我握住她的手，叫她镇静点，因为一阵阵哆嗦使她浑身痉挛着，她却要死盯着那镜子。

“这儿没有别人！”我坚持着。“那是你自己，林惇夫人，你刚才还知道的。”

“我自己！”她喘息着，“钟打十二点啦！那儿，那是真的！

那太可怕啦！”

她的手指紧揪住衣服，又把衣服合拢来遮住眼睛。我正想偷偷走到门口打算去叫她丈夫，可是一声刺耳的尖叫把我召唤回来——那围巾从镜框上掉下来了。

“哎呀，怎么回事呀？”我喊着。“现在谁是胆小鬼呀？醒醒吧！那是玻璃——镜子，林惇夫人，你在镜子里面看到的是你自己，还有我在你旁边。”

她又发抖又惊惶，把我抱得紧紧的，可是恐怖渐渐从她脸上消失了；苍白的脸色消失，呈现出羞臊的红晕。

“啊，亲爱的！我以为我是在家呢，”她叹着。“我以为我躺在呼啸山庄我的卧房里。因为我软弱无力，我的脑子糊涂了，我就不知不觉地叫起来。不要说什么吧，就陪着我。我怕睡觉：我的那些梦让我害怕。”

“好好睡一下会对你有益的，太太，”我回答，“我希望你在这一场折腾后，可以不再想饿死你自己了。”

“啊，但愿我是在老家里我自己的床上！”她辛酸地说下去，绞着双手。“还有那风在窗外枞树间呼啸着。千万让我感受感受这风吧——它是从旷野那边直吹过来的——千万让我吸一口吧！”

为了使她平静下来，我就将窗子打开了几秒钟。一阵冷风冲进来；我关上窗，又回到我的原位。她现在平静地躺着，脸被眼泪冲洗着。身体的疲乏已经完全降服了她的精神：我们凶猛的凯瑟琳并不比一个啼哭的孩子好多少。

“我把自己关在这儿有多久了？”她问，忽然精神恢复过来。

“那天是星期一晚上，”我回答，“今天是星期四晚上，或者，这时不如说是星期五早上了。”

“什么！还是在这个星期里吗？”她叫。“就这么短的时间吗？”

“只靠冷水和坏脾气活着，这也就算够长的了。”我说。

“唉，好像过了数不尽的时刻啦，”她疑惑地喃喃着，“一定还多些。我记得在他们争吵后我还在客厅里，埃德加狠心地惹我生气，我就拚命跑到这屋里。我一闩上门，整个黑暗压住了我，我就倒在地板上了。我不能够向埃德加解释：我是多么确切地感觉到如果他非嘲弄我不可，我会发病，或者疯狂的！我已经不能管束我的舌头或头脑，他也许没猜想到我的悲痛，我只感到我要躲避他和他的声音。在我还没有十分恢复能看能听的能力之前，天就亮了。耐莉，我要告诉你我想过什么，还有什么想法总是不断地出现再出现，搞得我都快要发疯了。我躺在那儿，头靠着桌子腿，我的眼睛模模糊糊地看得出灰灰的窗户玻璃，我想我是在家里那橡木嵌板的床上。我的心由于某种极度的忧伤而感到痛楚，可是我刚醒过来，又记不得是什么忧伤。我想着，苦苦地想发现到底是些什么。最奇怪的是，过去我生活中的整整七年变成了一片空白！我想不起是否有过这段日子。我还是一个孩子，我父亲才下葬，由于辛德雷命令我和希刺克厉夫分开，我才开始有了悲痛。我第一次被人孤零零地扔在一边，哭了一整夜，又昏昏沉沉地打了一个盹醒过来，我伸手想把嵌板推开：我的手碰到了桌面！我顺着桌毯一拂，记忆跟着就来了：我原来的悲痛被一阵突然的绝望吞没了。我说不出我干嘛觉得这么倒霉：一定是暂时神经错乱，因为简直没有原因。可是，假使在十二岁的时候我就被迫离开了山庄，每一件往事的联想，我的一切一切，就像那时候希刺克厉夫一样，而一下子就成了林惇夫人，画眉田庄的主妇，一个陌生人的妻子：从此以后从我原来的世界里放逐出来，成了流浪人。你可以想象我沉沦的深渊是什么样子！你要摇头尽管摇，耐莉，你帮助他使我不得安宁！你应该跟埃德加说，你实在应该，而且要叫他不要来惹我！啊，我心里像火烧一样！但愿我在外面！但愿我重新是个女孩子，野蛮、顽强、自由，任何伤害只会使我大笑，不会压得我发疯！为什么我变得这样厉害？为什么几句话就使我的血激动得这么沸腾？我担保若是我到了那边山上的石南丛林里，我就会清醒的。再把窗户敞开，敞开了再扣上钩子！快，你为什么不动呀？”

“因为我不想让你冻死，”我回答。

“你的意思是你不肯给我活下去的机会，”她愤愤地说。

“无论如何，我还不是毫无办法，我要自己开。”

我来不及阻止她，她已经从床上溜下来了，她从房间这边走到那边，脚步极不稳，把窗推开就探身出去，也不在乎那冷风像锋利的小刀在割她的肩膀。我恳求着，最后打算硬拉她缩回来。可是我立刻发觉她在精神错乱时的体力大大超过我的体力（她确是精神错乱了，我看她后来的动作与胡言乱语才相信的）。没有月亮，下面的一切都藏在朦胧的黑暗中：不论远近，没有一线光亮从任何房子里射出来——所有的亮光都早就熄灭了：呼啸山庄的烛光，这儿是从来也瞧不见的——她可还是硬说瞅见它们亮着。

“瞧！”她热烈地喊着，“那就是我的屋子，里面点着蜡烛，树在屋前摇摆，还有一支蜡烛是在约瑟夫的阁楼里……约瑟夫睡得迟，不是吗？他在等我回家，他好锁大门。好吧，他还要等一会呢。那段路不好走，需要勇气。而且我们走那段路一定要经过吉默吞教堂！我们曾经常常在一起走，不怕那儿的鬼，互相比胆量，站在那些坟墓中间请鬼来。可是，希刺克厉夫，如果我现在跟你比胆量，你敢吗？要是你敢，我就陪你。我不要一个人躺在那儿：他们也不许要把我埋到一丈二尺深的地里，把教堂压在我身上，可是我不会安息，除非你跟我在一起。我绝不会！”

她停住了，接着又带着一种古怪的微笑开始说：“他在考虑——他要我去找他！那么，找条路呀！不穿过那教堂院子。

你太慢了！该满意了吧，你总是跟着我的！”

看来跟她的疯狂争执不休是白费精力，我就盘算着怎么能既不松开手，又能找些衣服给她披上。因为我不放心她一个人在敞开的窗子前。这时，使我大为惊讶的是听见门柄轧的一声，林惇先生进来了。他刚从书房出来，正经过走廊，听到我们说话，被好奇心或是恐惧所驱使，想看看我们深更半夜还在说什么。

“啊，先生！”我喊道，他一眼看到这屋里的情形，以及这凄凉的气氛时正要惊叫，却给我拦住了。“我可怜的女主人病啦，她把我制住啦！我简直没法管她了。求求你来，把她劝到床上去吧。忘掉你的怒气吧，因为她是很难听别人的话的。”

“凯瑟琳病啦？”他说，赶忙走过来。“关上窗子，艾伦！

凯瑟琳！怎么——”

他沉默了：林惇夫人憔悴的神色使他难过得说不出话来，他只能恐怖地瞅瞅她又瞅瞅我。

“她正在这儿生气哩，”我继续说，“简直没吃什么，也绝不抱怨：她不准任何人随便进来，直到今天晚上我才来这里。所以我们也不能向你禀报她的情况，因为我们自己也不清楚。

不过这也没什么。”

我觉得我解释得很笨拙；主人皱着眉。“没什么，是吗，丁艾伦？”他严厉地说。“你得说清楚点，为什么完全瞒住我！”

他搂着妻子，悲痛地望着她。

起初她瞅着他，好像不认识似的：在她那茫然的凝视里，根本没有他这个人存在。不过，精神错乱也不是固定不变的，她的眼睛不再注视外面的黑暗了，渐渐地把她的注意力集中到他身上，发现了是谁搂着她。

“啊！你来啦，是你来了吗，埃德加·林惇？”她说，愤怒地激动着。“你就是那种东西，在最不需要的时候出来了，需要你的时候就怎么也不来！我看我们如今要有许多让人哀恸的事啦——我看出我们要有的——可是哀恸也不能拦住我不去那边我那狭小的家：我安息的地方。在春天还没有过去之前我一定会去的，就在那儿，记住，不是在教堂屋檐下林惇家族的中间，而是在露天，竖一块墓碑。你愿意去他们那儿，还是到我这儿来，随你便！”

“凯瑟琳，你怎么啦？”主人说。“我在你心里已经无所谓了吗？你是不是爱那个坏蛋希刺——”

“住口！”林惇夫人喊。“立刻住口！你再提那个名字，我就马上从窗户里跳出去，结束这件事！眼前你碰到的，你还可以占有，可是在你再把手放在我身上以前，我的灵魂已经到达那儿山顶啦。我不要你，埃德加，我要你的时候已经过去了。回到你的书堆里去吧。我很高兴你还可以在书堆里找到了安慰，因为你在我心里可什么都没啦。”

“她的心乱了，先生。”我插嘴说。“整个这晚上她都在胡扯，让她静养，得到适当的照护吧，她会复原的。从今以后，我们一定要小心不去惹她了。”

“我不想从你口里再得到什么劝告了。”林惇先生回答。

“你知道你的女主人的性格，而你还鼓励我去惹她生气。她这三天来是怎么样的，你也不暗示我一下！真是没有心肝！几个月的病也不能引起这么一个变化呀！”

我开始为我自己辩解。要我为他人的任性而受责，可真太过分了。“我知道林惇夫人的性子拗，霸道，”我喊叫，“可我不知道你甘心情愿听任她发作！我不知道为了顺着她，我就应该假装没看见希刺克厉夫先生。我尽了一个忠实仆人的本分去告诉你，我现在得到了作为一个忠实仆人的报酬啦，好，这可教训我下次要小心点。下次你自己去打听消息吧！”

“下次你再要对我搬弄是非，我就辞退你，丁艾伦。”他回答。

“那么，林惇先生，我猜想你宁可不知道这件事吧？”我说，“你准许希刺克厉夫来向小姐求爱，而且每次乘你不在家的机会就进来，故意诱使女主人对你起反感，是吧？”

凯瑟琳虽然心乱，她的头脑还是很灵敏地注意我们的谈话。

“啊！耐莉作了奸细，”她激动地叫起来。“耐莉是我们暗藏的敌人。你这巫婆！你真是寻找小鬼用的石镞来伤害我们呀！放开我，我要让她悔恨！我要让她号叫着改正她说过的话！”

疯子的怒火在她眉下爆发起来了。她拚命挣扎着，想从林惇先生的胳臂里挣脱出来。我无意等着出乱子，决定自作主张：去找医生来帮忙，就离开这卧房了。

在我经过花园走到大路上时，在一个墙上钉了一个系缰绳用的铁钩的地方，我看见一个白的什么东西乱动，显然不是风吹的，而是另一个什么东西使它动。尽管我匆匆忙忙，还是停下来仔细查看它，不然以后我还会在我想象中留下一个想法，以为那是一个鬼呢。我用手一摸，比我刚才光是看一眼更使我大大地惊奇而惶惑不安了，因为我发现这是伊莎贝拉小姐的小狗凡尼，被一条手绢吊着，就剩最后一口气了。我赶快放开这个动物，把它提到花园里去。我曾经看见它跟着它的女主人上楼睡觉去的，我奇怪它怎么会到外边来，而且是什么样的坏人这样对待它。在解开钩子上的结扣时，我好像反复听见远处有马蹄奔跑的声音；可是有这么多事情占着我的思想，不容我有空想一下：虽然在清晨两点钟，在那个地方，这声音可让人奇怪呢。

我正走到街上，凑巧肯尼兹先生刚从他家里出来去看村里一个病人。我报告了凯瑟琳·林惇的病况，他马上就陪我回头走了。他是一个坦率质朴的人。他毫不迟疑地说出他怀疑她是否能安然度过这第二次的打击，除非她对他的指示比以前更听从些。

“丁耐莉，”他说，“我不能不猜想这场病一定另有原因，田庄上出了什么事啦？我们在这儿听到些古怪的说法。一个像凯瑟琳那样的健壮活泼的女人是不会为了一点小事就病倒的。而且那样的人也不该如此。可要使她退烧痊愈是不容易的。这病怎么开始的？”

“主人会告诉你，”我回答，“可你是熟悉恩萧家的暴躁脾气的，而林惇夫人更是超群出众。我可以说的是：这是一场争吵引起的。她在一阵暴怒下就像中了癫狂似的。至少，那是她的说法：因为她吵到高潮时忽然跑掉了，把她自己锁起来。后来，她拒绝吃东西，现在她时而胡言乱语，时而沉入半昏迷状态。她还认识她周围的人，可是心里尽是各种奇怪的念头和幻觉。”

“林惇先生一定会很难过吧？”肯尼兹带着询问的口吻说。

“难过吗？要是有什么事发生，他的心都要碎啦！”我回答，“如果没有必要，就别吓唬他吧。”

“唉，我告诉过他要小心，”我的同伴说，“他忽视了我的警告，就一定更遭到这后果！他最近跟希刺克厉夫先生不是还挺亲密的吗？”

“希刺克厉夫常常到田庄来，”我回答，“然而多半是由于女主人的力量，她在他小时候就认识他，并不见得是因为主人喜欢他来作伴。目前他是用不着再来拜访了，因为他对林惇小姐有些想入非非。我认为他是不会再来了。”

“林惇小姐是不是对他不理睬呢？”医生又问。

“我并不是她的心腹人。”我回答，不愿意把这件事继续谈下去。

“不，她是一个机灵人，”他说，摇着头。“她有她自己的主意！可她是个真正的小傻子。我从可靠方面得来的消息，说是昨天夜里（多糟糕的一夜呀！）她和希刺克厉夫在你们房子后面的田园里散步了两个多钟头。他强迫她不要再进去，干脆骑上他的马跟他一块走就得啦！据向我报告的人说她保证准备一下，等下次再见面就走，这才算挡开了他，至于下次是哪天，他没听见，可是你要劝林惇先生提防着点！”

这个消息使我心里充满了新的恐惧，我跑到肯尼兹前面，差不多是一路跑回来。小狗还在花园里狺狺叫着。我腾出一分钟的时间好给它开门，可它不进去，却来回在草地上嗅，如果我不把它抓住，把它带进去的话，它还要溜到大路上去呢。我一上楼走到伊莎贝拉的房间里，我的疑虑就证实了：那里没有人。我要是早来一两个钟头，林惇夫人的病也许会阻止她这莽撞的行动。可是现在还能作什么呢？如果我立刻去追，也不见得追上他们。无论如何，我不能追他们。而且我也不敢惊动全家，把大家搞得惊慌失措；更不敢把这件事向我的主人揭露，他正沉浸在他目前的灾难里，经受不住又一次的悲痛了！我看不出有什么法子，除了不吭声，而且听其自然；肯尼兹到了，我带着一副难看的神色去为他通报。凯瑟琳正在不安心的睡眠中：她的丈夫已经平静了她那过分的狂乱，他现在俯在她枕上，瞅着她那带着痛苦表情的脸上的每一个阴影和每一个变化。

医生亲自检查病状后，抱有希望地跟他说，只要我们能在她四周继续保持完全的平静，这病可以见好。但他向我预示，这面临的危险与其说是死亡，倒不如说是永久的精神错乱。

那一夜我没合眼，林惇先生也没有。的确，我们根本没上床。仆人们都比平常起得早多了，他们在家里悄悄地走动着，他们在做事时碰到一起，就低声交谈。除了伊莎贝拉小姐，每个人都在活动着。他们开始说起她睡得真香。她哥哥也问她起来了没有，仿佛很急于要她在场，而且仿佛挺伤心，因为她对她嫂嫂表现得如此不关心。我直发抖，唯恐他差我去叫她。可是我倒免掉作第一个宣告她的私逃的人这场痛苦了。有一个女仆，一个轻率的姑娘，一早就被差遣到吉默吞去，这时大口喘着气跑上楼，冲到卧房里来，喊着：

“啊，不得了，不得了啦！我们还要闹出什么乱子啊？主人主人，我们小姐——”

“别吵！”我赶忙叫，对她那嚷嚷劲儿大为愤怒。

“低声点，玛丽——怎么回事？”林惇先生说，“你们小姐怎么啦？”

“她走啦，她走啦！那个希刺克厉夫带她跑啦！”这姑娘喘着说。

“那不会是真的！”林惇叫着，激动地站起来了。“不可能是真的。你脑子里怎么会有这种想法？丁艾伦，去找她。这是没法相信的：不可能。”

他一面说着，一面把那仆人带到门口，又反复问她有什么理由说出这种话来。

“唉，我在路上遇见一个到这儿取牛奶的孩子，”她结结巴巴地说，“他问我们田庄里是不是出了乱子。我以为他是指太太的病，所以我就回答说，是啊。他就说，‘我猜想有人追他们去了吧？’我愣住了。他看出我根本不知道那事，他就告诉我过了半夜没多久，有位先生和一位小姐怎么在离吉默吞两英里远的一个铁匠铺那儿钉马掌！又是怎么那铁匠的姑娘起来偷偷看他们是谁：她马上认出他们来了。她注意到这人——那是希刺克厉夫，她拿得准一定是：没有人会认错他，而且——他还付了一个金镑，把它交在父亲手里。那位小姐用斗篷遮着脸；可是她想要喝水的时候，斗篷掉在后面，她把她看得清清楚楚。他们骑马向前走，希刺克厉夫抓住两只马的缰绳，他们掉脸离开村子走了，而且在粗糙不平的路上尽量能跑多快就跑多快。那姑娘倒没跟她父亲说，可是今天早上，她把这事传遍了吉默吞。”

为了表面上敷衍一下，我跑去望望伊莎贝拉的屋子；当我回来时，便证实了这仆人的话。林惇先生坐在床边他的椅子上。我一进来，他抬起眼睛，从我呆呆的神色中看出了意思，便垂下眼睛，没有吩咐什么，也没有说一个字。

“我们是不是要想法追她回来呢？”我询问着。“我们怎么办呢？”

“她是自己要走的，”主人回答，“她有权爱上哪儿，就可以上哪儿。不要再拿她的事烦我吧。从今以后她只有在名份上是我的妹妹；倒不是我不认她，是因为她不认我。”

那就是关于这事他说的所有的话：他没有再多问一句，怎么也没提过她，除了命令我，等我知道她的新家时，不管是在哪儿，要把她在家里的所有东西都给她送去。