Chapter 33 Jo's Journal

New York, November

Dear Marmee and Beth,

I'm going to write you a regular volume, for I've got heaps to tell, though I'm not a fine young lady traveling on the continent. When I lost sight of Father's dear old face, I felt a trifle blue, and might have shed a briny drop or two, if an Irish lady with four small children, all crying more or less, hadn't diverted my mind, for I amused myself by dropping gingerbread nuts over the seat every time they opened their mouths to roar.

Soon the sun came out, and taking it as a good omen, I cleared up likewise and enjoyed my journey with all my heart.

Mrs. Kirke welcomed me so kindly I felt at home at once, even in that big house full of strangers. She gave me a funny little sky parlor--all she had, but there is a stove in it, and a nice table in a sunny window, so I can sit here and write whenever I like. A fine view and a church tower opposite atone for the many stairs, and I took a fancy to my den on the spot. The nursery, where I am to teach and sew, is a pleasant room next Mrs. Kirke's private parlor, and the two little girls are pretty children, rather spoiled, I fancy, but they took to me after telling them The Seven Bad Pigs, and I've no doubt I shall make a model governess.

I am to have my meals with the children, if I prefer it to the great table, and for the present I do, for I am bashful, though no one will believe it.

"Now, my dear, make yourself at home," said Mrs. K. in her motherly way, "I'm on the drive from morning to night, as you may suppose with such a family, but a great anxiety will be off my mind if I know the children are safe with you. My rooms are always open to you, and your own shall be as comfortable as I can make it. There are some pleasant people in the house if you feel sociable, and your evenings are always free. Come to me if anything goes wrong, and be as happy as you can. There's the tea bell, I must run and change my cap." And off she bustled, leaving me to settle myself in my new nest.

As I went downstairs soon after, I saw something I liked. The flights are very long in this tall house, and as I stood waiting at the head of the third one for a little servant girl to lumber up, I saw a gentleman come along behind her, take the heavy hod of coal out of her hand, carry it all the way up, put it down at a door near by, and walk away, saying, with a kind nod and a foreign accent, "It goes better so. The little back is too young to haf such heaviness."

Wasn't it good of him? I like such things, for as Father says, trifles show character. When I mentioned it to Mrs. K., that evening, she laughed, and said, "That must have been Professor Bhaer, he's always doing things of that sort."

Mrs. K. told me he was from Berlin, very learned and good, but poor as a church mouse, and gives lessons to support himself and two little orphan nephews whom he is educating here, according to the wishes of his sister, who married an American. Not a very romantic story, but it interested me, and I was glad to hear that Mrs. K. lends him her parlor for some of his scholars. There is a glass door between it and the nursery, and I mean to peep at him, and then I'll tell you how he looks. He's almost forty, so it's no harm, Marmee.

After tea and a go-to-bed romp with the little girls, I attacked the big workbasket, and had a quiet evening chatting with my new friend. I shall keep a journal-letter, and send it once a week, so goodnight, and more tomorrow.

Tuesday Eve

Had a lively time in my seminary this morning, for the children acted like Sancho, and at one time I really thought I should shake them all round. Some good angel inspired me to try gymnastics, and I kept it up till they were glad to sit down and keep still. After luncheon, the girl took them out for a walk, and I went to my needlework like little Mabel 'with a willing mind'. I was thanking my stars that I'd learned to make nice buttonholes, when the parlor door opened and shut, and someone began to hum, Kennst Du Das Land, like a big bumblebee. It was dreadfully improper, I know, but I couldn't resist the temptation, and lifting one end of the curtain before the glass door, I peeped in. Professor Bhaer was there, and while he arranged his books, I took a good look at him. A regular German--rather stout, with brown hair tumbled all over his head, a bushy beard, good nose, the kindest eyes I ever saw, and a splendid big voice that does one's ears good, after our sharp or slipshod American gabble. His clothes were rusty, his hands were large, and he hadn't a really handsome feature in his face, except his beautiful teeth, yet I liked him, for he had a fine head, his linen was very nice, and he looked like a gentleman, though two buttons were off his coat and there was a patch on one shoe. He looked sober in spite of his humming, till he went to the window to turn the hyacinth bulbs toward the sun, and stroke the cat, who received him like an old friend. Then he smiled, and when a tap came at the door, called out in a loud, brisk tone, "Herein!"

I was just going to run, when I caught sight of a morsel of a child carrying a big book, and stopped, to see what was going on.

"Me wants me Bhaer," said the mite, slamming down her book and running to meet him.

"Thou shalt haf thy Bhaer. Come, then, and take a goot hug from him, my Tina," said the Professor, catching her up with a laugh, and holding her so high over his head that she had to stoop her little face to kiss him.

"Now me mus tuddy my lessin," went on the funny little thing. So he put her up at the table, opened the great dictionary she had brought, and gave her a paper and pencil, and she scribbled away, turning a leaf now and then, and passing her little fat finger down the page, as if finding a word, so soberly that I nearly betrayed myself by a laugh, while Mr. Bhaer stood stroking her pretty hair with a fatherly look that made me think she must be his own, though she looked more French than German.

Another knock and the appearance of two young ladies sent me back to my work, and there I virtuously remained through all the noise and gabbling that went on next door. One of the girls kept laughing affectedly, and saying, "Now Professor," in a coquettish tone, and the other pronounced her German with an accent that must have made it hard for him to keep sober.

Both seemed to try his patience sorely, for more than once I heard him say emphatically, "No, no, it is not so, you haf not attend to what I say," and once there was a loud rap, as if he struck the table with his book, followed by the despairing exclamation, "Prut! It all goes bad this day."

Poor man, I pitied him, and when the girls were gone, took just one more peep to see if he survived it. He seemed to have thrown himself back in his chair, tired out, and sat there with his eyes shut till the clock struck two, when he jumped up, put his books in his pocket, as if ready for another lesson, and taking little Tina who had fallen asleep on the sofa in his arms, he carried her quietly away. I fancy he has a hard life of it. Mrs. Kirke asked me if I wouldn't go down to the five o'clock dinner, and feeling a little bit homesick, I thought I would, just to see what sort of people are under the same roof with me. So I made myself respectable and tried to slip in behind Mrs. Kirke, but as she is short and I'm tall, my efforts at concealment were rather a failure. She gave me a seat by her, and after my face cooled off, I plucked up courage and looked about me. The long table was full, and every one intent on getting their dinner, the gentlemen especially, who seemed to be eating on time, for they bolted in every sense of the word, vanishing as soon as they were done. There was the usual assortment of young men absorbed in themselves, young couples absorbed in each other, married ladies in their babies, and old gentlemen in politics. I don't think I shall care to have much to do with any of them, except one sweetfaced maiden lady, who looks as if she had something in her.

Cast away at the very bottom of the table was the Professor, shouting answers to the questions of a very inquisitive, deaf old gentleman on one side, and talking philosophy with a Frenchman on the other. If Amy had been here, she'd have turned her back on him forever because, sad to relate, he had a great appetite, and shoveled in his dinner in a manner which would have horrified 'her ladyship'. I didn't mind, for I like 'to see folks eat with a relish', as Hannah says, and the poor man must have needed a deal of food after teaching idiots all day.

As I went upstairs after dinner, two of the young men were settling their hats before the hall mirror, and I heard one say low to the other, "Who's the new party?"

"Governess, or something of that sort."

"What the deuce is she at our table for?"

"Friend of the old lady's."

"Handsome head, but no style."

"Not a bit of it. Give us a light and come on."

I felt angry at first, and then I didn't care, for a governess is as good as a clerk, and I've got sense, if I haven't style, which is more than some people have, judging from the remarks of the elegant beings who clattered away, smoking like bad chimneys. I hate ordinary people!

Thursday

Yesterday was a quiet day spent in teaching, sewing, and writing in my little room, which is very cozy, with a light and fire. I picked up a few bits of news and was introduced to the Professor. It seems that Tina is the child of the Frenchwoman who does the fine ironing in the laundry here. The little thing has lost her heart to Mr. Bhaer, and follows him about the house like a dog whenever he is at home, which delights him, as he is very fond of children, though a 'bacheldore'. Kitty and Minnie Kirke likewise regard him with affection, and tell all sorts of stories about the plays he invents, the presents he brings, and the splendid tales he tells. The younger men quiz him, it seems, call him Old Fritz, Lager Beer, Ursa Major, and make all manner of jokes on his name. But he enjoys it like a boy, Mrs. Kirke says, and takes it so good-naturedly that they all like him in spite of his foreign ways.

The maiden lady is a Miss Norton, rich, cultivated, and kind. She spoke to me at dinner today (for I went to table again, it's such fun to watch people), and asked me to come and see her at her room. She has fine books and pictures, knows interesting persons, and seems friendly, so I shall make myself agreeable, for I do want to get into good society, only it isn't the same sort that Amy likes.

I was in our parlor last evening when Mr. Bhaer came in with some newspapers for Mrs. Kirke. She wasn't there, but Minnie, who is a little old woman, introduced me very prettily. "This is Mamma's friend, Miss March."

"Yes, and she's jolly and we like her lots," added Kitty, who is an 'enfant terrible'.

We both bowed, and then we laughed, for the prim introduction and the blunt addition were rather a comical contrast.

"Ah, yes, I hear these naughty ones go to vex you, Mees Marsch. If so again, call at me and I come," he said, with a threatening frown that delighted the little wretches.

I promised I would, and he departed, but it seems as if I was doomed to see a good deal of him, for today as I passed his door on my way out, by accident I knocked against it with my umbrella. It flew open, and there he stood in his dressing gown, with a big blue sock on one hand and a darning needle in the other. He didn't seem at all ashamed of it, for when I explained and hurried on, he waved his hand, sock and all, saying in his loud, cheerful way . . .

"You haf a fine day to make your walk. Bon voyage, Mademoiselle."

I laughed all the way downstairs, but it was a little pathetic, also to think of the poor man having to mend his own clothes. The German gentlemen embroider, I know, but darning hose is another thing and not so pretty.

Saturday

Nothing has happened to write about, except a call on Miss Norton, who has a room full of pretty things, and who was very charming, for she showed me all her treasures, and asked me if I would sometimes go with her to lectures and concerts, as her escort, if I enjoyed them. She put it as a favor, but I'm sure Mrs. Kirke has told her about us, and she does it out of kindness to me. I'm as proud as Lucifer, but such favors from such people don't burden me, and I accepted gratefully.

When I got back to the nursery there was such an uproar in the parlor that I looked in, and there was Mr. Bhaer down on his hands and knees, with Tina on his back, Kitty leading him with a jump rope, and Minnie feeding two small boys with seedcakes, as they roared and ramped in cages built of chairs.

"We are playing nargerie," explained Kitty.

"Dis is mine effalunt!" added Tina, holding on by the Professor's hair.

"Mamma always allows us to do what we like Saturday afternoon, when Franz and Emil come, doesn't she, Mr. Bhaer?" said Minnie.

The 'effalunt' sat up, looking as much in earnest as any of them, and said soberly to me, "I gif you my wort it is so, if we make too large a noise you shall say Hush! to us, and we go more softly."

I promised to do so, but left the door open and enjoyed the fun as much as they did, for a more glorious frolic I never witnessed. They played tag and soldiers, danced and sang, and when it began to grow dark they all piled onto the sofa about the Professor, while he told charming fairy stories of the storks on the chimney tops, and the little 'koblods', who ride the snowflakes as they fall. I wish Americans were as simple and natural as Germans, don't you?

I'm so fond of writing, I should go spinning on forever if motives of economy didn't stop me, for though I've used thin paper and written fine, I tremble to think of the stamps this long letter will need. Pray forward Amy's as soon as you can spare them. My small news will sound very flat after her splendors, but you will like them, I know. Is Teddy studying so hard that he can't find time to write to his friends? Take good care of him for me, Beth, and tell me all about the babies, and give heaps of love to everyone. From your faithful Jo.

P.S. On reading over my letter, it strikes me as rather Bhaery, but I am always interested in odd people, and I really had nothing else to write about. Bless you!

DECEMBER

My Precious Betsey,

As this is to be a scribble-scrabble letter, I direct it to you, for it may amuse you, and give you some idea of my goings on, for though quiet, they are rather amusing, for which, oh, be joyful! After what Amy would call Herculaneum efforts, in the way of mental and moral agriculture, my young ideas begin to shoot and my little twigs to bend as I could wish. They are not so interesting to me as Tina and the boys, but I do my duty by them, and they are fond of me. Franz and Emil are jolly little lads, quite after my own heart, for the mixture of German and American spirit in them produces a constant state of effervescence. Saturday afternoons are riotous times, whether spent in the house or out, for on pleasant days they all go to walk, like a seminary, with the Professor and myself to keep order, and then such fun!

We are very good friends now, and I've begun to take lessons. I really couldn't help it, and it all came about in such a droll way that I must tell you. To begin at the beginning, Mrs. Kirke called to me one day as I passed Mr. Bhaer's room where she was rummaging.

"Did you ever see such a den, my dear? Just come and help me put these books to rights, for I've turned everything upside down, trying to discover what he has done with the six new handkerchiefs I gave him not long ago."

I went in, and while we worked I looked about me, for it was 'a den' to be sure. Books and papers everywhere, a broken meerschaum, and an old flute over the mantlepiece as if done with, a ragged bird without any tail chirped on one window seat, and a box of white mice adorned the other. Half-finished boats and bits of string lay among the manuscripts. Dirty little boots stood drying before the fire, and traces of the dearly beloved boys, for whom he makes a slave of himself, were to be seen all over the room. After a grand rummage three of the missing articles were found, one over the bird cage, one covered with ink, and a third burned brown, having been used as a holder.

"Such a man!" laughed good-natured Mrs. K., as she put the relics in the rag bay. "I suppose the others are torn up to rig ships, bandage cut fingers, or make kite tails. It's dreadful, but I can't scold him. He's so absent-minded and goodnatured, he lets those boys ride over him roughshod. I agreed to do his washing and mending, but he forgets to give out his things and I forget to look them over, so he comes to a sad pass sometimes."

"Let me mend them," said I. "I don't mind it, and he needn't know. I'd like to, he's so kind to me about bringing my letters and lending books."

So I have got his things in order, and knit heels into two pairs of the socks, for they were boggled out of shape with his queer darns. Nothing was said, and I hoped he wouldn't find it out, but one day last week he caught me at it. Hearing the lessons he gives to others has interested and amused me so much that I took a fancy to learn, for Tina runs in and out, leaving the door open, and I can hear. I had been sitting near this door, finishing off the last sock, and trying to understand what he said to a new scholar, who is as stupid as I am. The girl had gone, and I thought he had also, it was so still, and I was busily gabbling over a verb, and rocking to and fro in a most absurd way, when a little crow made me look up, and there was Mr. Bhaer looking and laughing quietly, while he made signs to Tina not to betray him.

"So!" he said, as I stopped and stared like a goose, "you peep at me, I peep at you, and this is not bad, but see, I am not pleasanting when I say, haf you a wish for German?"

"Yes, but you are too busy. I am too stupid to learn," I blundered out, as red as a peony.

"Prut! We will make the time, and we fail not to find the sense. At efening I shall gif a little lesson with much gladness, for look you, Mees Marsch, I haf this debt to pay." And he pointed to my work 'Yes,' they say to one another, these so kind ladies, 'he is a stupid old fellow, he will see not what we do, he will never observe that his sock heels go not in holes any more, he will think his buttons grow out new when they fall, and believe that strings make theirselves.' "Ah! But I haf an eye, and I see much. I haf a heart, and I feel thanks for this. Come, a little lesson then and now, or--no more good fairy works for me and mine."

Of course I couldn't say anything after that, and as it really is a splendid opportunity, I made the bargain, and we began. I took four lessons, and then I stuck fast in a grammatical bog. The Professor was very patient with me, but it must have been torment to him, and now and then he'd look at me with such an expression of mild despair that it was a toss-up with me whether to laugh or cry. I tried both ways, and when it came to a sniff or utter mortification and woe, he just threw the grammar on to the floor and marched out of the room. I felt myself disgraced and deserted forever, but didn't blame him a particle, and was scrambling my papers together, meaning to rush upstairs and shake myself hard, when in he came, as brisk and beaming as if I'd covered myself in glory.

"Now we shall try a new way. You and I will read these pleasant little _marchen_ together, and dig no more in that dry book, that goes in the corner for making us trouble."

He spoke so kindly, and opened Hans Andersons's fairy tales so invitingly before me, that I was more ashamed than ever, and went at my lesson in a neck-or-nothing style that seemed to amuse him immensely. I forgot my bashfulness, and pegged away (no other word will express it) with all my might, tumbling over long words, pronouncing according to inspiration of the minute, and doing my very best. When I finished reading my first page, and stopped for breath, he clapped his hands and cried out in his hearty way, "Das ist gut! Now we go well! My turn. I do him in German, gif me your ear." And away he went, rumbling out the words with his strong voice and a relish which was good to see as well as hear. Fortunately the story was _The Constant Tin Soldier_, which is droll, you know, so I could laugh, and I did, though I didn't understand half he read, for I couldn't help it, he was so earnest, I so excited, and the whole thing so comical.

After that we got on better, and now I read my lessons pretty well, for this way of studying suits me, and I can see that the grammar gets tucked into the tales and poetry as one gives pills in jelly. I like it very much, and he doesn't seem tired of it yet, which is very good of him, isn't it? I mean to give him something on Christmas, for I dare not offer money. Tell me something nice, Marmee.

I'm glad Laurie seems so happy and busy, that he has given up smoking and lets his hair grow. You see Beth manages him better than I did. I'm not jealous, dear, do your best, only don't make a saint of him. I'm afraid I couldn't like him without a spice of human naughtiness. Read him bits of my letters. I haven't time to write much, and that will do just as well. Thank Heaven Beth continues so comfortable.

JANUARY

A Happy New Year to you all, my dearest family, which of course includes Mr. L. and a young man by the name of Teddy. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your Christmas bundle, for I didn't get it till night and had given up hoping. Your letter came in the morning, but you said nothing about a parcel, meaning it for a surprise, so I was disappointed, for I'd had a 'kind of feeling' that you wouldn't forget me. I felt a little low in my mind as I sat up in my room after tea, and when the big, muddy, battered-looking bundle was brought to me, I just hugged it and pranced. It was so homey and refreshing that I sat down on the floor and read and looked and ate and laughed and cried, in my usual absurd way. The things were just what I wanted, and all the better for being made instead of bought. Beth's new 'ink bib' was capital, and Hannah's box of hard gingerbread will be a treasure. I'll be sure and wear the nice flannels you sent, Marmee, and read carefully the books Father has marked. Thank you all, heaps and heaps!

Speaking of books reminds me that I'm getting rich in that line, for on New Year's Day Mr. Bhaer gave me a fine Shakespeare. It is one he values much, and I've often admired it, set up in the place of honor with his German Bible, Plato, Homer, and Milton, so you may imagine how I felt when he brought it down, without its cover, and showed me my own name in it, "from my friend Friedrich Bhaer".

"You say often you wish a library. Here I gif you one, for between these lids (he meant covers) is many books in one. Read him well, and he will help you much, for the study of character in this book will help you to read it in the world and paint it with your pen."

I thanked him as well as I could, and talk now about 'my library', as if I had a hundred books. I never knew how much there was in Shakespeare before, but then I never had a Bhaer to explain it to me. Now don't laugh at his horrid name. It isn't pronounced either Bear or Beer, as people will say it, but something between the two, as only Germans can give it. I'm glad you both like what I tell you about him, and hope you will know him some day. Mother would admire his warm heart, Father his wise head. I admire both, and feel rich in my new 'friend Friedrich Bhaer'.

Not having much money, or knowing what he'd like, I got several little things, and put them about the room, where he would find them unexpectedly. They were useful, pretty, or funny, a new standish on his table, a little vase for his flower, he always has one, or a bit of green in a glass, to keep him fresh, he says, and a holder for his blower, so that he needn't burn up what Amy calls 'mouchoirs'. I made it like those Beth invented, a big butterfly with a fat body, and black and yellow wings, worsted feelers, and bead eyes. It took his fancy immensely, and he put it on his mantlepiece as an article of virtue, so it was rather a failure after all. Poor as he is, he didn't forget a servant or a child in the house, and not a soul here, from the French laundrywoman to Miss Norton forgot him. I was so glad of that.

They got up a masquerade, and had a gay time New Year's Eve. I didn't mean to go down, having no dress. But at the last minute, Mrs. Kirke remembered some old brocades, and Miss Norton lent me lace and feathers. So I dressed up as Mrs. Malaprop, and sailed in with a mask on. No one knew me, for I disguised my voice, and no one dreamed of the silent, haughty Miss March (for they think I am very stiff and cool, most of them, and so I am to whippersnappers) could dance and dress, and burst out into a 'nice derangement of epitaphs, like an allegory on the banks of the Nile'. I enjoyed it very much, and when we unmasked it was fun to see them stare at me. I heard one of the young men tell another that he knew I'd been an actress, in fact, he thought he remembered seeing me at one of the minor theaters. Meg will relish that joke. Mr. Bhaer was Nick Bottom, and Tina was Titania, a perfect little fairy in his arms. To see them dance was 'quite a landscape', to use a Teddyism.

I had a very happy New Year, after all, and when I thought it over in my room, I felt as if I was getting on a little in spite of my many failures, for I'm cheerful all the time now, work with a will, and take more interest in other people than I used to, which is satisfactory. Bless you all! Ever your loving . . . Jo

 

纽约，１１月

亲爱的妈咪和贝思：

我打算定期给你们写些长信，我有许多事要告诉你们，尽管我不是在欧洲旅行的年轻漂亮的小姐。那天当我看不见爸爸那张熟悉可爱的面孔时，我感到有点儿难过。要不是一位带着四个孩子的爱尔兰女士转移了我的注意力，我也可能会滴几滴泪的。那几个孩子大哭小叫，每当他们张嘴嚎哭，我便把姜饼隔座位丢给他们，以此自娱。

不一会儿，太阳出来了。我把这作为一个吉兆，心情同样变好了。我全身心地享受着旅途的乐趣。

柯克太太那么亲切地迎接我，我立刻便感到像在家里一样，虽说那个大房子里住的尽是陌生人。她让我住在一间有趣的小阁楼上--她只有这么一间了，不过里面有一个炉子，明亮的窗户边摆着一张很好的桌子，我高兴时可以坐在那里写作。在这里能看见美丽的景色和对面的教堂塔楼，弥补了要爬许多层楼梯的不足。我当时就喜欢上了我的卧室。我将在育儿室教书，做针线活，那是间令人愉快的屋子，就在柯克太太的起居室隔壁。两个小女孩很漂亮-我想，有点娇生惯养。但是，我给她们讲了"七头坏猪"的故事后，她们便喜欢上我了。我敢肯定我会成为一个模范的家庭女教师。

我和孩子们在一起吃饭，也就是说要是我宁愿这样而不喜欢坐在大桌旁吃饭的话。目前是这样的，因为，我确实不好意思，尽管没人相信。

“嗨，亲爱的，随便一点，别客气，”柯克太太慈爱地说，”你可以想象，这样一个大家要照管，我从早到晚忙个没完。

要是我知道孩子们安全地和你在一起，我心中的一个大包袱就卸掉了。我所有的屋子都对你敞开着，我会尽力把你的屋子弄得舒适。你要是想交朋友，这里住着些有意思的人。晚上，没有你的事。如果有什么问题就来找我。尽可能快快活活的。吃茶点的铃响了，我得去换帽子。”她匆匆地跑开了，丢下我在新屋里安顿。

过了一会儿我下楼时，看到了一件我喜欢的事。这座房子很高，楼梯很长，我站在第三个台阶口等候一个小女仆过去，她扛着重重的一筐煤艰难地往上爬，我看见她后面一位先生也往上走，他从她手中接过煤，一直扛到顶层，把煤放在近旁的一个小屋门口，然后和气地对小女仆点点头，带着外国腔说：“这样才比较合适，小小的背经不起这样的重量。”他那样做，不错吧？我喜欢这种行为。就像爸爸说的那样，小事见气质。我向柯克太太提起了这件事，她笑着说：“那肯定是巴尔教授，他总是干那种事。”柯克太太告诉我，他从柏林来，很有学问，为人很好，可是一贫如洗。他授课养活自己和他的两个孤儿侄子。他的姐姐嫁了个美国人，遵照姐姐的遗愿，他在这里教他的侄儿们。

这故事不太浪漫，但是我感兴趣。我听说柯克太太把她的起居室借给他用来上课我很高兴。起居室和我的育儿室中间隔着道玻璃门。我是说，可以偷看他，然后我告诉你们他的模样。妈咪，他快四十岁了，所以不会出问题的。

吃完茶点，和小姑娘们做了一会睡前游戏，我就拿起那个大缝纫工具筐，开始干活，一边和我的新朋友闲聊，过了个安静的夜晚。我将继续写书信体日记，一周给你们寄一次。

晚安，明天再谈。

星期二晚

今天早上的课上得很愉快。孩子们表现得像塞万提斯笔下的桑丘。有一会儿，我真以为我把她们吓得浑身发抖。神使鬼差地，我突然来了灵感，要教她们体育，我一直教到她们乐意坐下来并保持安静。午饭后，女仆带她们出去散步，我去做针线活，像小梅布尔那样"心甘情愿地"。我觉得很幸运，学会了锁漂亮的扣眼。正在这时，起居室的门开了，随后又关上了，有人开始哼着歌：“ＫｅｎｎｓｔｄｕｄａｓＬａｎｄ，”声音像大黄蜂，我知道偷看不合适，可又抵抗不了诱惑。

于是我撩起对着玻璃门的窗帘，往里看去。巴尔教授在里面。

他在整理书本。我趁机仔细观察了他，他是一个地道的德国人--相当健壮，有着一头乱蓬蓬的棕色头发，胡须浓密，鼻子端正，目光很亲切。听惯了美国人说话时要么刺耳、要么含混的腔调，巴尔教授的声音听起来洪亮悦耳。他衣着破旧，手很大，除了漂亮的牙齿，脸上的五官真没有好看的。可是，我还是喜欢他。他头脑聪明，亚麻布衬衫很挺括。虽然他的外套掉了两个钮扣，一只鞋上有块补钉，但他看上去仍有绅士风度。他嘴里哼着调，神情却很严肃。他走向窗子，把风信子球移到向阳处，然后抚弄着小猫，小猫像对待老朋友一样任他抚摸。他笑了。他听到敲门声，迅即高声叫道：“Ｈｅｒｅｉｎ！”我正要跑开，突然瞥见一个拿着一本大书的可爱的小不点，便停步看看是怎么回事。

“我要我的巴尔。”小东西砰地放下书，跑向他。

“你会得到巴尔的。来吧，让他好好抱抱你，我的蒂娜，”教授说。他笑着捉住她，将她举过头顶，不过举得太高了，她只好将小脸蛋往下伸去亲他。

“我现在学课课了，”那有趣的小东西接着说。于是巴尔将她放在桌边，打开了她带来的大字典，又给她一张纸和一支铅笔。小东西便乱画起来，不时翻过去一页，胖胖的小手指顺着书页往下指着，好像在找一个字。她神态那么严肃，我不由笑了起来，差点儿被发觉了。巴尔站在她身边，带着父亲般的神情抚弄着她美丽的头发。我想她肯定是他的女儿，尽管她看上去更像法国人而不像德国人。

又有人敲门，进来两个年轻的小姐，我便回去干我的事了。这次我很有德行地一直工作没再偷看。但隔壁的吵闹声、说话声我却能听见。其中一个女孩一直做作地笑着，还声音轻佻地说"喂，教授"。另一个的德语发音肯定使教授难以保持严肃。

两位小姐似乎都在严厉地考验着教授的忍耐力，因为，不止一次我听见他强调说：“不，不，不是这样的，你没有听我说。”一次，又听见很响的敲击声，好像是他用书敲桌子，然后沮丧地感叹：“唉！今天一切都乱了套。”可怜的人，我同情他。小姐们走后，我又偷看了一下，看他可经受得住这些。他似乎精疲力尽，靠在椅子里，闭着眼睛，直到钟敲两点，他才一跃而起，将书本放进口袋，仿佛准备再去上课。他抱起在沙发上睡着了的蒂娜，轻轻地离开了。我想他的日子过得不轻松。柯克太太问我五点钟开晚饭时愿不愿意下楼去吃。我有点儿想家，也就愿意下去吃了，我只是想看看和我住在同一屋顶下的是些什么人。于是，我故作大方，想跟在柯克太太身后溜进去。可是她个子矮，我个子高，想让她遮住我的企图失败了。她让我坐在她身旁。待到我发烧的脸冷却下来，我鼓起勇气朝四下打量，长桌子边坐满了人，每个人都在专心致志地吃饭 -尤其是先生们，他们吃饭似乎是指定时间的。因为从任何一种意义上说，他们都是在狼吞虎咽，而且饭一吃完人便无影无踪了。这里有通常那种高谈阔论的年轻人，有情意绵绵的年轻夫妇，也有满脑子想着自己孩子的已婚女士，以及热衷政治的老先生们。我想，我不喜欢和他们中任何人打交道，除了那个面容姣好的未婚女士，她看上去有点头脑。

教授给扔在了桌子的末端，他大声回答着身边一个老先生的问题。这老先生耳朵聋，好奇心倒很强。同时，他又和另一边的一个法国人谈论着哲学。假如艾美在这里，她会永远不再理睬他了，因为，很遗憾，他的胃口板大，那风卷残云般的吃相会吓坏了"小姐"。可我不在乎，我喜欢"看人们吃得有滋有味"，像罕娜说的那样。那可怜的人一整天都教那帮傻瓜们，肯定需要吃很多食物。

吃完饭我上楼时，两上年轻人在大厅镜子前整理帽子。我听见一个对另一个低语：“新来的那人是谁？”“家庭教师，或者那一类的什么人吧。”“她到底为什么和我们同桌吃饭？”“她是老太太的朋友。”“头脑机敏，但是没有风度。”“一点也没有。借个火，我们走吧。”开始我感到气愤。后来我不在乎了。因为家庭教师事实上等于职员。根据这两个优雅人士的判断，即便是我没有风度，可我有理智，这就比一些人要强。那两个人叽叽喳喳说笑着走了，他们抽着烟像两座讨人厌的烟囱。我恨那些缺乏教养的人。

星期四

昨天过得很安静。我教书，缝纫，然后在我的小屋里写作。屋里有灯，有火，非常舒服。我听说了一些事，还被引见了教授。蒂娜好像是这里洗衣房熨衣服的法国女人的孩子。

小东西喜欢上了巴尔教授，只要他在家，她就像只小狗似地屋前屋后跟着他转，使巴尔很高兴。尽管他是个“单身男"，却非常喜欢孩子。基蒂和明妮同样喜欢他。她们讲述他的各种事情，他发明的游戏，他带来的礼物，他讲的美妙的故事。

似乎年轻人都嘲笑他，叫他老德国人、大熊座，用他的名字开各种各样的玩笑。然而，柯克太太说，他像个孩子似地欣赏这一切，从不生气。所以虽然他有外国味，大家都喜欢他。

那个未婚女士是一个叫诺顿的小姐- 富有，有教养，和善。今天吃饭时她和我说话了（我又去大桌子吃饭了，观察人是多么有趣）。她要我到她屋子里去看她。她有很多好书、画片，她懂得哪些人是属于有趣味的，她似乎很友好。所以，我也将表现得令人满意。因为，我真的想进入上流社会，只是和艾美喜欢的那种社会不同。

昨天晚上，我在起居室，突然巴尔先生进来给柯克太太送报纸。她不在那里，但是，可爱的小妇人明妮得体地介绍道：“这是妈妈的朋友，马奇小姐。”“是的，她很有趣，我们喜欢她这样的人，”基蒂补充道。

她是个ｅｎeａｎｔｔｅｒｒｉｂｌｅ。

我们相互鞠躬，然后都笑了。那一本正经的介绍和直率的补充形成了滑稽的反差。

“啊，是的，我听说这些小淘气们在烦你，马奇小姐。要是她们再这样，叫我一声，我就会来了，”他说。他威胁地皱着眉，把小家伙们逗乐了。

我答应有事会叫他的。他离开了，但是看起来好像我注定老要见到他。今天，我出门时经过他门口，不小心雨伞碰到了他的房门，门给碰开了。他穿着晨衣，站在那里，一只手拿着一只蓝色短袜，另一只手拿着根缝衣针。他似乎一点儿也不感到难为情，因为当我向他解释后，匆匆走开时，他手持短袜与针，向我挥动着，还愉快地大声说道- “今天出门天气不错。Ｂｏｎｖｏｙａｇｅ，ｍａｄｅｍｏｉｓｅｌｌｅ。”我一路笑着下了楼，同时想到那可怜的人得自己补衣服，有点感伤。德国先生的刺绣我知道，可是缝补短袜却是另一回事了，不那么潇洒。

星期日

没什么事可写了，只是我去拜访了诺顿小姐。她的屋子里满是漂亮的东西，诺顿小姐非常可爱，她给我看了她所有的宝贝，还问我愿不愿陪伴她去听讲座，听音乐会- 假如我喜欢的话。她是以一种好意提出来的，但是我确信柯克太太把我们的情况告诉了她。她出于好心才这么做的。我非常高傲，但是受这样的人提供这样的恩惠，我不感到负担，所以我感激地接受了。

回到有儿室，里面喧闹异常。我朝里看去，只见巴尔先生四肢着地，蒂娜骑在他背上，基蒂用一根跳绳牵着他，明妮在喂两个小男孩吃芝麻饼，他们在用椅子搭的笼子里笑着叫着，蹦着跳着。

“我们在扮兽兽玩，”基蒂解释道。

“这是我的大象，”蒂娜接口，她正拽着教授的头发。

“星期六下午弗朗兹和埃米尔来了，妈妈总是随我们怎么玩，是不是这样，巴尔先生？”“大象"直起身来，神情和其他人一样认真，他一本正经地对我说：“我向你保证是这样的。要是我们弄出的声音太大了，你就嘘一声，我们就会把声音放低点的。”我答应这样做，但是我让门开着，和他们一样享受着乐趣 -因为我从来没见过比这更好玩的嬉戏了。他们捉迷藏，扮演士兵，唱歌，跳舞。天黑下来时，他们便挤到沙发上围在教授身边听他讲动人的童话故事，什么烟囱顶上的白鹤啦，什么帮做家务的小"精灵们"踏着雪降临啦，等等。我希望美国人像德国人那样纯洁自然，你们说呢？

我太喜欢写作了。假如不是经济的原因，我会一直这么写下去的，因为尽管我用的是薄纸，字也写得小，可一想到这封长信需要的邮票我就发抖。艾美的信你们看完后请转给我。读过艾美描述豪华生活的信，我的小小新闻很令人乏味。

但是，我知道，你们还是会喜欢读我的信。特迪是不是太用功了，连给他的朋友们写信的时间都没有？贝思，为我好好照顾他。把两个孩子的一切都告诉我。向大家亲切地致意。

你们忠实的乔

又及：重读一遍我的信，发现写巴尔的事太多了。可我总是对古怪的人产生兴趣，而且我真的没什么别的事好写。上帝保佑你们！

十二月

我的宝贝贝思：

这封信写得乱七八糟，潦潦草草，我是写给你的，它会让你高兴，让你了解一些我在这里的情况。这里的日子虽然安静，可是很有趣，因为，哦，令人开心！经过那种艾美会叫做大力神般的巨大努力，在思想与道德的耕耘上，我的新思想在学生们身上开始发芽，我的小树枝们可以任意弯曲了。

我的学生们不像蒂娜和男孩子们那样有趣。可是我对他们尽了责任，他们喜欢我。弗朗兹和埃米尔是两个活泼的小伙子，相当合我意。他们身上混和着德国人和美国人的性情，所以总是处于兴奋状态。不管是在屋里还是在窗外，星期六下午总是闹嚷嚷的。天气好，他们都去散步，好像这是一个固定课程。我和教授维持秩序，多好玩！

现在我们是好朋友了，我开始听他的课，我真的没办法。

这事情来得太滑稽，我得告诉你。从头开始吧。一天，我经过巴尔先生的屋子，柯克太太叫住了我，她在里面翻找东西。

“亲爱的，你可见过这样的一个窝？过来帮我把这些书放放好，我把东西翻得乱七八糟了，我想看看他把我前不久给他的六条新手帕用来做什么了。”我进了屋，一边忙着一边四下打量。没错，这真是"一个窝"。到处是书籍纸张；壁炉架上放着一个坏了的海泡石烟斗和一支旧笛子，好像已经不能用了；一只没有尾巴的羽毛蓬乱的鸟在窗台上啁啾着，另一个窗口上放着一盒子白鼠；做了一半的小船、一段段绳头和手稿混放在一边；肮脏的小靴子放在火前烤着；屋子里到处可见那些可爱的男孩们的痕迹，教授为他们忙忙碌碌。一阵大搜寻，找出了失踪的三条手帕--一条在鸟笼上，一条上面全是墨水迹，一条被用作风箱的夹具给烧焦了。

“竟有这种人！”脾气好的柯克太太笑着把这些脏兮兮的手帕放进垃圾袋。”我猜其他几条手帕被撕开用作了船索，包扎受伤的指头，或者做风筝尾巴了。真是可怕，可我不能责骂他。他那么心不在焉，脾气温和，由着那些男孩们对他恣意妄为。我答应为他缝补浆洗，可是他记不得把东西拿出来，我又忘了查看，所以他有时弄得很狼狈。”“我来为他缝补衣服，”我说，”我不在乎，他也不需要知道。我愿意--他待我这么客气，为我取信，借书给我。”于是，我把他的东西收拾整齐，为他的两双短袜织了后跟--因为他那古怪的缝法把袜子弄得不成形了。什么也没说，我希望他不会发觉这些。可是上星期的一天，我正干着给他当场捉住了。听他给别人上课，我感到非常有趣、好玩，我也想跟着学。上课时，蒂娜跑进跑出，把门开着，所以我能听见。我一直坐在靠近那扇门的地方。最后一只短袜就快完工了。我努力想听懂他为一个新生讲的课，这个学生和我一样笨。后来女学生走了，我想他也走了，屋子里那么安静。

我的嘴忙个不停，唠叨着一个动词，坐在椅子里极其可笑地摇来摇去。突然，一声欢叫使我抬起头来，巴尔先生正看着我，静静地笑着，一边给蒂娜打手势不要出卖他。

“行了！”他说。我住了嘴，像只呆鹅似地盯着他。”你偷看了我，我也偷看了你。这倒不错，你瞧，我这么说让你不愉快，你想学德语？”“是的，可是你太忙了。而我太笨学不了，”我笨嘴拙舌地说，脸红得像朵玫瑰。

“嗯，让我们来安排时间。我们能安排妥当的。晚上我会很乐意给你上点课，因为，你瞧，马奇小姐，我得还你的债。”他指着我手里的活计。“'是的'，那些模样和善的女士们议论着，'他是个老笨蛋，我们做什么他都看不见，他根本注意不到他的袜跟不再有洞了，他以为他的纽扣掉了会重新长出来，针线自己会缝。'噢！可是，我长着眼睛，我看到了许多。

我长着心，对这一切我存有感激之情。好了，我会不时给你上点课，要不，就别再给我干这些童话般的事了。”当然，这一来我便无话可说了。这也确实是个非常好的机会，我和他就这样订了约，开始实行。我听了四堂课，然后就陷进了语法沼泽。教授对我非常耐心，不过，那对他肯定是一种折磨。他不时地带着一种颇为失望的表情看着我，弄得我不知该哭还是该笑。我哭过，也笑过。当情况变得糟糕透顶、令人窘迫不堪时，他就把语法书往地上一扔，脚步沉重地走出屋子。我感到耻辱，感到被永远地遗弃了。我匆匆收拾起我的纸，打算冲到楼上大哭一场，就在这时，他又进来了，欢快地微笑着，好像我的学业取得了辉煌的胜利。

“现在，我们来试一种新方法，我和你一起读这些有趣的小ＭｏAｒｃｈｅｎ，不再去钻那本枯燥无味的书了。那本书给我们添了麻烦，让它去角落里呆着吧。“他那样亲切地说着，在我面前打开了汉斯·安徒生引人入胜的童话，我感到更惭愧了。我拼命地学功课，这似乎使他非常高兴。我忘掉了害羞，尽全力努力（没别的字可以描述它）学着。长单词绊住了我，我凭当时的灵感发音，我尽了最大的努力。读完第一页，我停下来喘气，他拍着手，热诚地叫道：“Ｄａｓｉｓｔｇｕｔ！我们学得不错。轮到我了。我用德语读，听我读。”他读开了，那大嗓门咕噜噜读出一个个单词，津津有味的神情十分滑稽，和他的声音听起来一样可笑。幸运的是，这个故事是《坚定的锡兵》，很好笑，你知道的，所以我尽可以笑我确实笑了--虽然他读的我一半都不懂。我忍不住笑，他那样认真，我那样激动。整个事情那样可笑。

打那以后，我们相处得更好了。现在我的课文能读得相当不错了，因为这种学习方式适合于我。我看出语法夹进故事和诗歌里，就像把药夹进酱里一样。我非常喜欢这种学法。

他似乎还没有厌倦--他这样做非常好，是不是？我打算圣诞节送他点什么，因为我不敢给他钱。妈咪，告诉我，送些什么好呢？

很高兴劳里似乎那么幸福，那么忙碌。很高兴他戒了烟，开始蓄发。你看，贝思，你比我更能调教好他。亲爱的，我不忌妒。尽你的力吧，只是别把他变成一个圣人。若是他没有一点儿人类的顽皮淘气劲，恐怕我就不能喜欢他了。给他读一些我的信。我没有时间多写，那样也就可以了。感谢上帝，贝思能一直保持身心愉快。

一月

祝大家新年快乐，我最亲爱的家人，当然包括劳伦斯先生和那个叫特迪的年轻人。我描述不出我多么喜欢你们寄给我的圣诞包裹。那天到了晚上我已放弃希望时，才收到包裹。

你们的信是早上到的，可是你们没提及包裹，是打算给我一个惊喜。所以开始时我失望了。我有"一种感觉"，你们不会忘记我的，吃完下午茶后，我坐在屋里，情绪有点低落。正在这时，那个磨损了的泥色大包裹给送来了。我抱着它欢跳起来。它那么亲切，那么与众不同，我坐在地板上以我那种可笑的方式读着、看着、吃着、笑着、哭着。东西正是我想要的，是你们做的而不是买来的更好。贝思做的新"擦墨水围裙"好极了，罕娜嬷嬷做的那盒硬姜饼我会当做宝贝。妈咪，我一定会穿上你寄来的法兰绒衣服。我会仔细阅读爸爸做了记号的书。感谢大家，非常、非常感谢！

说到书提醒了我，告诉你们，在这方面我富起来了，因为元旦那天，巴尔先生送给我一本精致的莎士比亚。那是他非常心爱的书，和他的德语圣经、柏拉图、荷马、弥尔顿放在一起。我常为它赞叹。所以你们可以想象得出他把书拿给我时我的心情。书没有封皮，他指给我看书上写着的我的名字：“我的朋友弗里德里克·巴尔赠。”“你常说你想拥有藏书，我送你一本。这些盖子（他是指封皮）之间有许多本，这是其中一本。好好读书，它会给你很大的帮助。研究这书中的人物将会帮助你读懂现实生活中的人们，用你的笔描绘他们。”我万般地感谢他。现在谈起"我的藏书"，好像我已经拥有一百本书了。以前，我根本不知道莎士比亚作品里有多少内涵，那时也根本没有一个巴尔为我解释。别笑话他那可怕的名字，发音既不是贝尔（熊），也不是比尔（啤酒），人们常常那样发音。介乎两者之间，只有德国人才能发准。很高兴你们俩都喜欢听我谈论他的事。希望有一天你们能认识他。

妈妈会欣赏他的热心肠，爸爸会欣赏他聪明的头脑。两样我都欣赏，拥有新“朋友弗里德里克·巴尔"感到充实富有。

我没有多少钱，也不知道他喜欢什么。我便准备了一些小东西，放在他屋子里的四处，他会出乎意料地在那里发现它的。这些东西有用处，可爱，或者引人发笑 桌子上的新笔座，插花用的小花瓶 -他总用玻璃杯插一支鲜花，要么插点绿草，他说那样使他充满活力还有一个风箱的夹具，这样他就不必烧掉艾美称作的"ｍｏｕｃｈｏｉｒｓ"了。我把它做得像贝思创造的那些东西 -一个身体肥胖的大蝴蝶，黑黄相间的翅膀，绒线的触须，玻璃球的眼睛。这非常合他的意，他把它作为一件艺术品放在壁炉架上，尽管我做得不太理想。他虽然穷，但他忘不了公寓里的每一个仆人，每一个孩子。这里所有的人，从法国洗衣妇到诺顿小姐，也都忘不了他。我对此非常高兴。

元旦前夕，他们举行了假面舞会，玩得很快乐。我原本不打算去的，因为我没有服装。但是在最后一刻，柯克太太记起有件旧花缎裙，诺顿小姐借给我丝带和饰羽。于是我装扮成马勒齐罗普太太，带着面具步态优美地走进舞常没有人认出我，因为我改变了说话腔调。大家做梦也没想到沉默、高傲的马奇小姐会跳舞，会打扮，会突然出现加入这个"可爱的纪念死者狂欢会，就像是尼罗河岸的一幅讽喻画"（他们中的大多数人都认为我很呆板、沉静，所以我无足轻重）。我玩得非常开心。当我们卸下面具时，看到他们盯着我看真好笑。我听见一个年轻人对另一个说，他知道我曾经当过演员，事实上，他想他记得在一个小剧院看见过我。梅格会对这个玩笑感兴趣的。巴尔先生装成尼克·包特姆，蒂娜是仙后泰坦尼娅 -拥在他臂弯里的一个完美的小仙女。看他们这一对跳舞真是"权当一道风景"，用特迪的话说。

毕竟，我的新年过得非常愉快，回到屋里想想，我感到尽管我有过一些失败，还是有些进步的。现在我始终很快乐，工作热心，对别人比以前更关切，这一切都令人满意。上帝保佑你们大家！永远爱你们的乔