It was bright and sunny. A fine rain had been falling all the morning, and now it had not long cleared up. The iron roofs, the flags of the roads, the flints of the pavements, the wheels and leather, the brass1 and the tinplate of the carriages--all glistened2 brightly in the May sunshine. It was three o'clock, and the very liveliest time in the streets.
As she sat in a corner of the comfortable carriage, that hardly swayed on its supple3 springs, while the grays trotted4 swiftly, in the midst of the unceasing rattle5 of wheels and the changing impressions in the pure air, Anna ran over the events of the last days, and she saw her position quite differently from how it had seemed at home. Now the thought of death seemed no longer so terrible and so clear to her, and death itself no longer seemed so inevitable6. Now she blamed herself for the humiliation7 to which she had lowered herself. "I entreat8 him to forgive me. I have given in to him. I have owned myself in fault. What for? Can't I live without him?" And leaving unanswered the question how she was going to live without him, she fell to reading the signs on the shops. "Office and warehouse9. Dental surgeon. Yes, I'll tell Dolly all about it. She doesn't like Vronsky. I shall be sick and ashamed, but I'll tell her. She loves me, and I'll follow her advice. I won't give in to him; I won't let him train me as he pleases. Filippov, bun shop. They say they send their dough10 to Petersburg. The Moscow water is so good for it. Ah, the springs at Mitishtchen, and the pancakes!"
And she remembered how, long, long ago, when she was a girl of seventeen, she had gone with her aunt to Troitsa. "Riding, too. Was that really me, with red hands? How much that seemed to me then splendid and out of reach has become worthless, while what I had then has gone out of my reach forever! Could I ever have believed then that I could come to such humiliation? How conceited11 and self-satisfied he will be when he gets my note! But I will show him.... How horrid12 that paint smells! Why is it they're always painting and building? Modes et robes," she read. A man bowed to her. It was Annushka's husband. "Our parasites"; she remembered how Vronsky had said that. "Our? Why our? What's so awful is that one can't tear up the past by its roots. One can't tear it out, but one can hide one's memory of it. And I'll hide it." And then she thought of her past with Alexey Alexandrovitch, of how she had blotted13 the memory of it out of her life. "Dolly will think I'm leaving my second husband, and so I certainly must be in the wrong. As if I cared to be right! I can't help it!" she said, and she wanted to cry. But at once she fell to wondering what those two girls could be smiling about. "Love, most likely. They don't know how dreary14 it is, how low.... The boulevard and the children. Three boys running, playing at horses. Seryozha! And I'm losing everything and not getting him back. Yes, I'm losing everything, if he doesn't return. Perhaps he was late for the train and has come back by now. Longing15 for humiliation again!" she said to herself. "No, I'll go to Dolly, and say straight out to her, I'm unhappy, I deserve this, I'm to blame, but still I'm unhappy, help me. These horses, this carriage--how loathsome16 I am to myself in this carriage--all his; but I won't see them again."
Thinking over the words in which she would tell Dolly, and mentally working her heart up to great bitterness, Anna went upstairs.
"Is there anyone with her?" she asked in the hall.
"Katerina Alexandrovna Levin," answered the footman.
"Kitty! Kitty, whom Vronsky was in love with!" thought Anna, "the girl he thinks of with love. He's sorry he didn't marry her. But me he thinks of with hatred17, and is sorry he had anything to do with me."
The sisters were having a consultation18 about nursing when Anna called. Dolly went down alone to see the visitor who had interrupted their conversation.
"Well, so you've not gone away yet? I meant to have come to you," she said; "I had a letter from Stiva today."
"We had a telegram too," answered Anna, looking round for Kitty.
"He writes that he can't make out quite what Alexey Alexandrovitch wants, but he won't go away without a decisive answer."
"I thought you had someone with you. Can I see the letter?"
"Yes; Kitty," said Dolly, embarrassed. "She stayed in the nursery. She has been very ill."
"So I heard. May I see the letter?"
"I'll get it directly. But he doesn't refuse; on the contrary, Stiva has hopes," said Dolly, stopping in the doorway19.
"I haven't, and indeed I don't wish it," said Anna.
"What's this? Does Kitty consider it degrading to meet me?" thought Anna when she was alone. "Perhaps she's right, too. But it's not for her, the girl who was in love with Vronsky, it's not for her to show me that, even if it is true. I know that in my position I can't be received by any decent woman. I knew that from the first moment I sacrificed everything to him. And this is my reward! Oh, how I hate him! And what did I come here for? I'm worse here, more miserable20." She heard from the next room the sisters' voices in consultation. "And what am I going to say to Dolly now? Amuse Kitty by the sight of my wretchedness, submit to her patronizing? No; and besides, Dolly wouldn't understand. And it would be no good my telling her. It would only be interesting to see Kitty, to show her how I despise everyone and everything, how nothing matters to me now."
Dolly came in with the letter. Anna read it and handed it back in silence.
"I knew all that," she said, "and it doesn't interest me in the least."
"Oh, why so? On the contrary, I have hopes," said Dolly, looking inquisitively21 at Anna. She had never seen her in such a strangely irritable22 condition. "When are you going away?" she asked.
Anna, half-closing her eyes, looked straight before her and did not answer.
"Why does Kitty shrink from me?" she said, looking at the door and flushing red.
"Oh, what nonsense! She's nursing, and things aren't going right with her, and I've been advising her.... She's delighted. She'll be here in a minute," said Dolly awkwardly, not clever at lying. "Yes, here she is."
Hearing that Anna had called, Kitty had wanted not to appear, but Dolly persuaded her. Rallying her forces, Kitty went in, walked up to her, blushing, and shook hands.
"I am so glad to see you," she said with a trembling voice.
Kitty had been thrown into confusion by the inward conflict between her antagonism23 to this bad woman and her desire to be nice to her. But as soon as she saw Anna's lovely and attractive face, all feeling of antagonism disappeared.
"I should not have been surprised if you had not cared to meet me. I'm used to everything. You have been ill? Yes, you are changed," said Anna.
Kitty felt that Anna was looking at her with hostile eyes. She ascribed this hostility24 to the awkward position in which Anna, who had once patronized her, must feel with her now, and she felt sorry for her.
They talked of Kitty's illness, of the baby, of Stiva, but it was obvious that nothing interested Anna.
"I came to say good-bye to you," she said, getting up.
"Oh, when are you going?"
But again not answering, Anna turned to Kitty.
"Yes, I am very glad to have seen you," she said with a smile. "I have heard so much of you from everyone, even from your husband. He came to see me, and I liked him exceedingly," she said, unmistakably with malicious25 intent. "Where is he?"
"He has gone back to the country," said Kitty, blushing.
"Remember me to him, be sure you do."
"I'll be sure to!" Kitty said naively26, looking compassionately27 into her eyes.
"So good-bye, Dolly." And kissing Dolly and shaking hands with Kitty, Anna went out hurriedly.
"She's just the same and just as charming! She's very lovely!" said Kitty, when she was alone with her sister. "But there's something piteous about her. Awfully28 piteous!"
"Yes, there's something unusual about her today," said Dolly. "When I went with her into the hall, I fancied she was almost crying."
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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glistened
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| v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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supple
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| adj.柔软的，易弯的，逢迎的，顺从的，灵活的；vt.使柔软，使柔顺，使顺从；vi.变柔软，变柔顺 | |
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trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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entreat
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| v.恳求，恳请 | |
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warehouse
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| n.仓库；vt.存入仓库 | |
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dough
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| n.生面团；钱，现款 | |
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conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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blotted
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| 涂污( blot的过去式和过去分词 )； （用吸墨纸）吸干 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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loathsome
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| adj.讨厌的，令人厌恶的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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inquisitively
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| 过分好奇地； 好问地 | |
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irritable
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| adj.急躁的；过敏的；易怒的 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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naively
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| adv. 天真地 | |
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compassionately
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| adv.表示怜悯地，有同情心地 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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