Chapter 5

Wednesday 4 January

9st 5 (state of emergency now as if fat has been stored in capsule form over Christmas and is being slowly released under skin), alcohol units 5 (better), cigarettes 20, calories 700 (v.g.)

4 p.m. Office. State of emergency. Jude just rang up from her portable phone in flood of tears, and eventually man?aged¹ to explain, in a sheep's voice, that she had just had to excuse herself from a board meeting (Jude is Head of Futures² at Brightlings) as she was about to burst into tears and was now trapped in the ladies' with Alice Cooper eyes and no make-up bag. Her boyfriend, Vile³ Richard (self-?indulgent commitment phobic), whom she has been seeing on and off for eighteen months, had chucked her for asking him if he wanted to come on holiday with her. Typical, but Jude naturally was blaming it all on herself.

'I'm co-dependent. I asked for too much to satisfy my own neediness⁴ rather than need. Oh, if only I could turn back the clock.'

I immediately called Sharon and an emergency summit has been scheduled for 6.30 in Café Rouge⁵. I hope I can get away without bloody⁶ Perpetua kicking up.

11 p.m. Strident evening. Sharon immediately launched into her theory on the Richard situation: 'Emotional fuck?wittage', which is spreading like wildfire among men over thirty. As women glide⁷ from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous⁸ minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian. Stereotypical⁹ notions of shelves, spinning wheels and sexual scrapheaps cons¹¹ ire to make you feel stupid, no matter how much time you spend thinking about Joanna Lumley and Susan Sarandon.

'And men like Richard,' fumed¹² Sharon, 'play on the chink in the armour¹³ to wriggle¹⁴ out of commitment, maturity¹⁵, honour and the natural progression of things between a man and a woman.'

By this time Jude and I were going, 'Shhh, shhh,' out of the corners of our mouths and sinking down into our coats. After all, there is nothing so unattractive to a man as strident feminism.

'How dare he say you were getting too serious by asking to go on holiday with him?' yelled Sharon. 'What is he talking about?'

Thinking moonily about Daniel Cleaver¹⁶, I ventured that not all men are like Richard. At which point Sharon started on a long illustrative list of emotional fuckwittage in progress amongst our friends: one whose boyfriend of thirteen years refuses even to discuss living together; another who went out with a man four times who then chucked her because it was getting too serious; another who was pursued by a bloke for three months with impas?sioned proposals of marriage, only to find him ducking out three weeks after she succumbed¹⁷ and repeating the whole process with her best friend.

'We women are only vulnerable because we are a pioneer generation daring to refuse to compromise in love and relying on our own economic power. In twenty years' time men won't even dare start with fuckwitt?age because we will just laugh in their faces,' bellowed¹⁸ Sharon.

At this point Alex Walker, who works in Sharon's company, strolled in with a stunning¹⁹ blonde who was about eight times as attractive as him. He ambled²⁰ over to us to say hi.

'Is this your new girlfriend?' asked Sharon.

'Well. Huh. You know, she thinks she is, but we're not going out, we're just sleeping together. I ought to stop it really, but, well . . .' he said, smugly.

'Oh, that is just such crap, you cowardly, dysfunctional little schmuck. Right. I'm going to talk to that woman,' said Sharon, getting up. Jude and I forcibly restrained her while Alex, looking panic-stricken, rushed back, to con¹⁰?tinue his fuckwittage unrumbled.

Eventually the three of us worked out a strategy for Jude. She must stop beating herself over the head with Women Who Love Too Much and instead think more towards Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, winch will help her to see Richard's behaviour less as a sign that she is co-dependent and loving too much and more in the light of him being like a Martian rubber band which needs to stretch away in order to come back.

'Yes, but does that mean I should call him or not?' said Jude.

'No,' said Sharon just as I was saying, 'Yes.'

After Jude had gone because she has to get up at 5.45 to go to the gym and see her personal shopper before work starts at 8.30 (mad) — Sharon and I were suddenly filled with remorse²¹ and self-loathing for not advising Jude simply to get rid of Vile Richard because he is vile. But then, as Sharon pointed²² out, last time we did that they got back together and she told him everything we'd said in a fit of reconcilatory confession²³ and now it is crip?plingly embarrassing every time we see him and he thinks we are the Bitch Queens from Hell — which, as Jude points out, is a misapprehension because, although we have discovered our Inner Bitches, we have not yet unlocked them.

1 aged   

adj.年老的，陈年的

参考例句：

• He had put on weight and aged a little.他胖了，也老点了。
• He is aged,but his memory is still good.他已年老，然而记忆力还好。

2 futures   

n.期货，期货交易

参考例句：

• He continued his operations in cotton futures.他继续进行棉花期货交易。
• Cotton futures are selling at high prices.棉花期货交易的卖价是很高的。

3 vile   

adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的

参考例句：

• Who could have carried out such a vile attack?会是谁发起这么卑鄙的攻击呢？
• Her talk was full of vile curses.她的话里充满着恶毒的咒骂。

4 neediness   

n.穷困，贫穷

参考例句：

• He recognized her neediness but had no time to respond to it. 他看出了她的需要但没有时间回应。 来自互联网
• In costumes more extravagant than any Gaultier concert frocks, he revealed an actor's narcissism, neediness, daring. 角色浓艳戏服下，他抖出了一个演员的自恋、需索和毋视世俗。 来自互联网

5 rouge   

n.胭脂，口红唇膏；v.(在…上)擦口红

参考例句：

• Women put rouge on their cheeks to make their faces pretty.女人往面颊上涂胭脂，使脸更漂亮。
• She didn't need any powder or lip rouge to make her pretty.她天生漂亮，不需要任何脂粉唇膏打扮自己。

6 bloody   

adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染

参考例句：

• He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
• He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

7 glide   

n./v.溜，滑行；(时间)消逝

参考例句：

• We stood in silence watching the snake glide effortlessly.我们噤若寒蝉地站着，眼看那条蛇逍遥自在地游来游去。
• So graceful was the ballerina that she just seemed to glide.那芭蕾舞女演员翩跹起舞，宛如滑翔。

8 outrageous   

adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的

参考例句：

• Her outrageous behaviour at the party offended everyone.她在聚会上的无礼行为触怒了每一个人。
• Charges for local telephone calls are particularly outrageous.本地电话资费贵得出奇。

9 stereotypical   

n.常规

参考例句：

• Personas should be typical and believable, but not stereotypical. 人物角色应该是典型和可信赖的，但不是一成不变的。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
• Anything could be stereotypical, so I guess it could be criticism. 任何东西都可以变的老套，所以我猜那就是一种批评。 来自互联网

10 con   

n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的

参考例句：

• We must be fair and consider the reason pro and con.我们必须公平考虑赞成和反对的理由。
• The motion is adopted non con.因无人投反对票，协议被通过。

11 cons   

n.欺骗，骗局( con的名词复数 )v.诈骗，哄骗( con的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• The pros and cons cancel out. 正反两种意见抵消。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• We should hear all the pros and cons of the matter before we make a decision. 我们在对这事做出决定之前，应该先听取正反两方面的意见。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 fumed   

愤怒( fume的过去式和过去分词 )； 大怒； 发怒； 冒烟

参考例句：

• He fumed with rage because she did not appear. 因为她没出现，所以他大发雷霆。
• He fumed and fretted and did not know what was the matter. 他烦躁，气恼，不知是怎么回事。

13 armour   

（=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队

参考例句：

• His body was encased in shining armour.他全身披着明晃晃的甲胄。
• Bulletproof cars sheathed in armour.防弹车护有装甲。

14 wriggle   

v./n.蠕动，扭动；蜿蜒

参考例句：

• I've got an appointment I can't wriggle out of.我有个推脱不掉的约会。
• Children wriggle themselves when they are bored.小孩子感到厌烦时就会扭动他们的身体。

15 maturity   

n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期

参考例句：

• These plants ought to reach maturity after five years.这些植物五年后就该长成了。
• This is the period at which the body attains maturity.这是身体发育成熟的时期。

16 cleaver   

n.切肉刀

参考例句：

• In fact,a cleaver is a class of ax.实际上，切肉刀也是斧子的一种。
• The cleaver is ground to a very sharp edge.刀磨得飞快。

17 succumbed   

不再抵抗（诱惑、疾病、攻击等）( succumb的过去式和过去分词 )； 屈从； 被压垮； 死

参考例句：

• The town succumbed after a short siege. 该城被围困不久即告失守。
• After an artillery bombardment lasting several days the town finally succumbed. 在持续炮轰数日后，该城终于屈服了。

18 bellowed   

v.发出吼叫声，咆哮（尤指因痛苦）( bellow的过去式和过去分词 )；（愤怒地）说出（某事），大叫

参考例句：

• They bellowed at her to stop. 他们吼叫着让她停下。
• He bellowed with pain when the tooth was pulled out. 当牙齿被拔掉时，他痛得大叫。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

19 stunning   

adj.极好的；使人晕倒的

参考例句：

• His plays are distinguished only by their stunning mediocrity.他的戏剧与众不同之处就是平凡得出奇。
• The finished effect was absolutely stunning.完工后的效果非常美。

20 ambled   

v.（马）缓行( amble的过去式和过去分词 )；从容地走，漫步

参考例句：

• We ambled down to the beach. 我们漫步向海滩走去。
• The old man ambled home through the garden every evening. 那位老人每天晚上经过花园漫步回家。 来自《简明英汉词典》

21 remorse   

n.痛恨，悔恨，自责

参考例句：

• She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
• He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

22 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

23 confession   

n.自白，供认，承认

参考例句：

• Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
• The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。