It is instinctively4 a protective habit, of course, acquired through precisely5 the same causes that had given to animals their protective coloration — the stripes, say, of the zebra and tiger that blend so cunningly with the barred and speckled shadowings of bush and jungle, the twig6 and leaflike shapes and hues7 of certain insects; in fact, all that natural camouflage8 which was the basis of the art of concealment9 so astonishingly developed in the late war.
Like the animals of the wild, the mind of man moves through a jungle — the jungle of life, passing along paths beaten out by the thought of his countless10 forefathers11 in their progress from birth to death.
And these paths are bordered and screened, figuratively and literally12, with bush and trees of his own selection, setting out and cultivation13 — shelters of the familiar, the habitual14, the customary.
On these ancestral paths, within these barriers of usage, man moves hidden and secure as the animals in their haunts — or so he thinks.
Outside them lie the wildernesses15 and the gardens of the unknown, and man’s little trails are but rabbit-runs in an illimitable forest.
But they are home to him!
Therefore it is that he scurries16 from some open place of revelation, some storm of emotion, some strength-testing struggle, back into the shelter of the obvious; finding it an intellectual environment that demands no slightest expenditure17 of mental energy or initiative, strength to sally forth18 again into the unfamiliar19.
I crave20 pardon for this digression. I set it down because now I remember how, when Drake at last broke the silence that had closed in upon the passing of that still, small voice the essence of these thoughts occurred to me.
He strode over to the weeping girl, and in his voice was a roughness that angered me until I realized his purpose.
“Get up, Ruth,” he ordered. “He came back once and he’ll come back again. Now let him be and help us get a meal together. I’m hungry.”
She looked up at him, incredulously, indignation rising.
“Eat!” she exclaimed. “You can be hungry?”
“You bet I can — and I am,” he answered cheerfully. “Come on; we’ve got to make the best of it.”
“Ruth,” I broke in gently, “we’ll all have to think about ourselves a little if we’re to be of any use to him. You must eat — and then rest.”
“No use crying in the milk even if it’s spilt,” observed Drake, even more cheerfully brutal22. “I learned that at the front where we got so we’d yelp23 for food even when the lads who’d been bringing it were all mixed up in it.”
She lifted Ventnor’s head from her lap, rested it on the silks; arose, eyes wrathful, her little hands closed in fists as though to strike him.
“Oh — you brute24!” she whispered. “And I thought — I thought — Oh, I hate you!”
“That’s better,” said Dick. “Go ahead and hit me if you want. The madder you get the better you’ll feel.”
For a moment I thought she was going to take him at his word; then her anger fled.
“Thanks — Dick,” she said quietly.
And while I sat studying Ventnor, they put together a meal from the stores, brewed25 tea over the spirit-lamp with water from the bubbling spring. In these commonplaces I knew that she at least was finding relief from that strain of the abnormal under which we had labored26 so long. To my surprise I found that I was hungry, and with deep relief I watched Ruth partake of food and drink even though lightly.
About her seemed to hover27 something of the ethereal, elusive28, and disquieting29. Was it the strangely pellucid30 light that gave the effect, I wondered; and knew it was not, for as I scanned her covertly31, there fell upon her face that shadow of inhuman32 tranquillity34, of unearthly withdrawal35 which, I guessed, had more than anything else maddened Ventnor into his attack upon the Disk.
I watched her fight against it, drive it back. White lipped, she raised her head and met my gaze. And in her eyes I read both terror and — shame.
It came to me that painful as it might be for her the time for questioning had come.
“Ruth,” I said, “I know it’s not necessary to remind you that we’re in a tight place. Every fact and every scrap36 of knowledge that we can lay hold of is of the utmost importance in enabling us to determine our course.
“I’m going to repeat your brother’s question — what did Norhala do to you? And what happened when you were floating before the Disk?”
The blaze of interest in Drake’s eyes at these questions changed to amazement37 at her stricken recoil38 from them.
“There was nothing,” she whispered — then defiantly39 — “nothing. I don’t know what you mean.”
“Ruth!” I spoke40 sharply now, in my own perplexity. “You do know. You must tell us — for his sake.” I pointed41 toward Ventnor.
She drew a long breath.
“You’re right — of course,” she said unsteadily. “Only I— I thought maybe I could fight it out myself. But you’ll have to know it — there’s a taint42 upon me.”
I caught in Drake’s swift glance the echo of my own thrill of apprehension43 for her sanity44.
“Yes,” she said, now quietly. “Some new and alien thing within my heart, my brain, my soul. It came to me from Norhala when we rode the flying block, and — he — sealed upon me when I was in-his”— again she crimsoned45, “embrace.”
And as we gazed at her, incredulously:
“A thing that urges me to forget you two — and Martin — and all the world I’ve known. That tries to pull me from you — from all — to drift untroubled in some vast calm filled with an ordered ecstasy46 of peace. And whose calling I want, God help me, oh, so desperately47 to heed48!
“It whispered to me first,” she said, “from Norhala — when she put her arm around me. It whispered and then seemed to float from her and cover me like — like a veil, and from head to foot. It was a quietness and peace that held within it a happiness at one and the same time utterly49 tranquil33 and utterly free.
“I seemed to be at the doorway50 to unknown ecstasies51 — and the life I had known only a dream — and you, all of you — even Martin, dreams within a dream. You weren’t — real — and you did not — matter.”
“Hypnotism,” muttered Drake, as she paused.
“No.” She shook her head. “No — more than that. The wonder of it grew — and grew. I thrilled with it. I remember nothing of that ride, saw nothing — except that once through the peace enfolding me pierced warning that Martin was in peril52, and I broke through to see him clutching Norhala and to see floating up in her eyes death for him.
“And I saved him — and again forgot. Then, when I saw that beautiful, flaming Shape — I felt no terror, no fear — only a tremendous — joyous53 — anticipation54, as though — as though —” She faltered55, hung her head, then leaving that sentence unfinished, whispered: “and when — it — lifted me it was as though I had come at last out of some endless black ocean of despair into the full sun of paradise.”
“Ruth!” cried Drake, and at the pain in his cry she winced56.
“Wait,” she said, and held up a little, tremulous hand. “You asked — and now you must listen.”
She was silent; and when once more she spoke her voice was low, curiously57 rhythmic58; her eyes rapt:
“I was free — free from every human fetter59 of fear or sorrow or love or hate; free even of hope — for what was there to hope for when everything desirable was mine? And I was elemental; one with the eternal things yet fully21 conscious that I was — I.
“It was as though I were the shining shadow of a star afloat upon the breast of some still and hidden woodland pool; as though I were a little wind dancing among the mountain tops; a mist whirling down a quiet glen; a shimmering60 lance of the aurora61 pulsing in the high solitudes62.
“And there was music — strange and wondrous63 music and terrible, but not terrible to me — who was part of it. Vast chords and singing themes that rang like clusters of little swinging stars and harmonies that were like the very voice of infinite law resolving within itself all discords64. And all — all — passionless, yet — rapturous.
“Out of the Thing that held me, out from its fires pulsed vitality65 — a flood of inhuman energy in which I was bathed. And it was as though this energy were — reassembling me, fitting me even closer to the elemental things, changing me fully into them.
“I felt the little tendrils touching66, caressing67 — then came the shots. Awakening68 was — dreadful, a struggling back from drowning. I saw Martin — blasted. I drove the — the spell away from me, tore it away.
“And, O Walter — Dick — it hurt — it hurt — and for a breath before I ran to him it was like — like coming from a world in which there was no disorder69, no sorrow, no doubts, a rhythmic, harmonious70 world of light and music, into — into a world that was like a black and dirty kitchen.
“And it’s there,” her voice rose, hysterically71. “It’s still within me — whispering, whispering; urging me away from you, from Martin, from every human thing; bidding me give myself up, surrender my humanity.
“Its seal,” she sobbed72. “No — HIS seal! An alien consciousness sealed within me, that tries to make the human me a slave — that waits to overcome my will — and if I surrender gives me freedom, an incredible freedom — but makes me, being still human, a — monster.”
She hid her face in her hands, quivering.
“If I could sleep,” she wailed73. “But I’m afraid to sleep. I think I shall never sleep again. For sleeping how do I know what I may be when I wake?”
I caught Drake’s eye; he nodded. I slipped my hand down into the medicine-case, brought forth a certain potent74 and tasteless combination of drugs which I carry upon explorations.
I dropped a little into her cup, then held it to her lips. Like a child, unthinking, she obeyed and drank.
“But I’ll not surrender.” Her eyes were tragic75. “Never think it! I can win — don’t you know I can?”
“Win?” Drake dropped down beside her, drew her toward him. “Bravest girl I’ve known — of course you’ll win. And remember this — nine-tenths of what you’re thinking now is purely76 over-wrought nerves and weariness. You’ll win — and we’ll win, never doubt it.”
“I don’t,” she said. “I know it — oh, it will be hard — but I will — I will —”
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1
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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psychology
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| n.心理，心理学，心理状态 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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twig
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| n.小树枝，嫩枝；v.理解 | |
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7
hues
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| 色彩( hue的名词复数 )； 色调； 信仰； 观点 | |
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8
camouflage
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| n./v.掩饰，伪装 | |
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concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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11
forefathers
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| n.祖先，先人；祖先，祖宗( forefather的名词复数 )；列祖列宗；前人 | |
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12
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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13
cultivation
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| n.耕作，培养，栽培（法），养成 | |
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14
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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15
wildernesses
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| 荒野( wilderness的名词复数 )； 沙漠； （政治家）在野； 不再当政（或掌权） | |
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16
scurries
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| v.急匆匆地走( scurry的第三人称单数 ) | |
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expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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18
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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unfamiliar
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| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
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20
crave
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| vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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yelp
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| vi.狗吠 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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25
brewed
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| 调制( brew的过去式和过去分词 )； 酝酿； 沏（茶）； 煮（咖啡） | |
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26
labored
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| adj.吃力的，谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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27
hover
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| vi.翱翔，盘旋；徘徊；彷徨，犹豫 | |
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28
elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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29
disquieting
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| adj.令人不安的，令人不平静的v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的现在分词 ) | |
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30
pellucid
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| adj.透明的，简单的 | |
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covertly
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| adv.偷偷摸摸地 | |
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32
inhuman
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| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
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33
tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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34
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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35
withdrawal
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| n.取回，提款；撤退，撤军；收回，撤销 | |
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36
scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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37
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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38
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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39
defiantly
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| adv.挑战地，大胆对抗地 | |
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40
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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41
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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42
taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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43
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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44
sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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45
crimsoned
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| 变为深红色（crimson的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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46
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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47
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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48
heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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49
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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50
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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51
ecstasies
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| 狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药 | |
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52
peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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53
joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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54
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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55
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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56
winced
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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57
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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58
rhythmic
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| adj.有节奏的，有韵律的 | |
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59
fetter
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| n./vt.脚镣，束缚 | |
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60
shimmering
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| v.闪闪发光，发微光( shimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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61
aurora
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| n.极光 | |
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62
solitudes
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| n.独居( solitude的名词复数 )；孤独；荒僻的地方；人迹罕至的地方 | |
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63
wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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64
discords
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| 不和（discord的复数形式） | |
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65
vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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66
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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67
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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68
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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69
disorder
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| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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70
harmonious
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| adj.和睦的，调和的，和谐的，协调的 | |
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71
hysterically
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| ad. 歇斯底里地 | |
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72
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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73
wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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74
potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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75
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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76
purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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