I am glad it is not. It used to be extremely prominent at one time,and was the cause of much misery1 to myself and discomfort2 to every oneabout me--my lady friends especially complained most bitterly aboutit.
A shy man's lot is not a happy one. The men dislike him, the womendespise him, and he dislikes and despises himself. Use brings him norelief, and there is no cure for him except time; though I once cameacross a delicious recipe for overcoming the misfortune. It appearedamong the "answers to correspondents" in a small weekly journal andran as follows--I have never forgotten it: "Adopt an easy andpleasing manner, especially toward ladies."Poor wretch3! I can imagine the grin with which he must have read thatadvice. "Adopt an easy and pleasing manner, especially towardladies," forsooth! Don't you adopt anything of the kind, my dearyoung shy friend. Your attempt to put on any other disposition4 thanyour own will infallibly result in your becoming ridiculously gushingand offensively familiar. Be your own natural self, and then you willonly be thought to be surly and stupid.
The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the tortureit inflicts5 upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicatehis misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him.
He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial6 spiritsbecome in his presence depressed7 and nervous.
This is a good deal brought about by misunderstanding. Many peoplemistake the shy man's timidity for overbearing arrogance8 and are awedand insulted by it. His awkwardness is resented as insolentcarelessness, and when, terror-stricken at the first word addressed tohim, the blood rushes to his head and the power of speech completelyfails him, he is regarded as an awful example of the evil effects ofgiving way to passion.
But, indeed, to be misunderstood is the shy man's fate on everyoccasion; and whatever impression he endeavors to create, he is sureto convey its opposite. When he makes a joke, it is looked upon as apretended relation of fact and his want of veracity10 much condemned11.
His sarcasm12 is accepted as his literal opinion and gains for him thereputation of being an ass9, while if, on the other hand, wishing toingratiate himself, he ventures upon a little bit of flattery, it istaken for satire13 and he is hated ever afterward14.
These and the rest of a shy man's troubles are always very amusing toother people, and have afforded material for comic writing from timeimmemorial. But if we look a little deeper we shall find there is apathetic15, one might almost say a tragic16, side to the picture. A shyman means a lonely man--a man cut off from all companionship, allsociability. He moves about the world, but does not mix with it.
Between him and his fellow-men there runs ever an impassablebarrier--a strong, invisible wall that, trying in vain to scale, hebut bruises17 himself against. He sees the pleasant faces and hears thepleasant voices on the other side, but he cannot stretch his handacross to grasp another hand. He stands watching the merry groups,and he longs to speak and to claim kindred with them. But they passhim by, chatting gayly to one another, and he cannot stay them. Hetries to reach them, but his prison walls move with him and hem18 him inon every side. In the busy street, in the crowded room, in the grindof work, in the whirl of pleasure, amid the many or amid thefew--wherever men congregate19 together, wherever the music of humanspeech is heard and human thought is flashed from human eyes, there,shunned and solitary20, the shy man, like a leper, stands apart. Hissoul is full of love and longing21, but the world knows it not. Theiron mask of shyness is riveted22 before his face, and the man beneathis never seen. Genial23 words and hearty24 greetings are ever rising tohis lips, but they die away in unheard whispers behind the steelclamps. His heart aches for the weary brother, but his sympathy isdumb. Contempt and indignation against wrong choke up his throat, andfinding no safety-valve whence in passionate25 utterance26 they may burstforth, they only turn in again and harm him. All the hate and scornand love of a deep nature such as the shy man is ever cursed by festerand corrupt27 within, instead of spending themselves abroad, and sourhim into a misanthrope28 and cynic.
Yes, shy men, like ugly women, have a bad time of it in this world, togo through which with any comfort needs the hide of a rhinoceros29.
Thick skin is, indeed, our moral clothes, and without it we are notfit to be seen about in civilized30 society. A poor gasping31, blushingcreature, with trembling knees and twitching32 hands, is a painful sightto every one, and if it cannot cure itself, the sooner it goes andhangs itself the better.
The disease can be cured. For the comfort of the shy, I can assurethem of that from personal experience. I do not like speaking aboutmyself, as may have been noticed, but in the cause of humanity I onthis occasion will do so, and will confess that at one time I was, asthe young man in the Bab Ballad33 says, "the shyest of the shy," and"whenever I was introduced to any pretty maid, my knees they knockedtogether just as if I was afraid." Now, I would--nay, have--on thisvery day before yesterday I did the deed. Alone and entirely34 bymyself (as the school-boy said in translating the "Bellum Gallicum")did I beard a railway refreshment-room young lady in her own lair35. Irebuked her in terms of mingled36 bitterness and sorrow for hercallousness and want of condescension37. I insisted, courteously38 butfirmly, on being accorded that deference39 and attention that was theright of the traveling Briton, and at the end I looked her full in theface. Need I say more?
True, immediately after doing so I left the room with what maypossibly have appeared to be precipitation and without waiting for anyrefreshment. But that was because I had changed my mind, not becauseI was frightened, you understand.
One consolation40 that shy folk can take unto themselves is that shynessis certainly no sign of stupidity. It is easy enough for bull-headedclowns to sneer41 at nerves, but the highest natures are not necessarilythose containing the greatest amount of moral brass42. The horse is notan inferior animal to the cock-sparrow, nor the deer of the forest tothe pig. Shyness simply means extreme sensibility, and has nothingwhatever to do with self-consciousness or with conceit43, though itsrelationship to both is continually insisted upon by the poll-parrotschool of philosophy.
Conceit, indeed, is the quickest cure for it. When it once begins todawn upon you that you are a good deal cleverer than any one else inthis world, bashfulness becomes shocked and leaves you. When youcan look round a roomful of people and think that each one is a merechild in intellect compared with yourself you feel no more shy of themthan you would of a select company of magpies45 or orang-outangs.
Conceit is the finest armor that a man can wear. Upon its smooth,impenetrable surface the puny46 dagger-thrusts of spite and envy glanceharmlessly aside. Without that breast-plate the sword of talentcannot force its way through the battle of life, for blows have to beborne as well as dealt. I do not, of course, speak of the conceitthat displays itself in an elevated nose and a falsetto voice. Thatis not real conceit--that is only playing at being conceited47; likechildren play at being kings and queens and go strutting48 about withfeathers and long trains. Genuine conceit does not make a manobjectionable. On the contrary, it tends to make him genial,kind-hearted, and simple. He has no need of affectation--he is fartoo well satisfied with his own character; and his pride is toodeep-seated to appear at all on the outside. Careless alike of praiseor blame, he can afford to be truthful49. Too far, in fancy, above therest of mankind to trouble about their petty distinctions, he isequally at home with duke or costermonger. And valuing no one'sstandard but his own, he is never tempted50 to practice that miserablepretense that less self-reliant people offer up as an hourly sacrificeto the god of their neighbor's opinion.
The shy man, on the other hand, is humble--modest of his own judgmentand over-anxious concerning that of others. But this in the case of ayoung man is surely right enough. His character is unformed. It isslowly evolving itself out of a chaos51 of doubt and disbelief. Beforethe growing insight and experience the diffidence recedes52. A manrarely carries his shyness past the hobbledehoy period. Even if hisown inward strength does not throw it off, the rubbings of the worldgenerally smooth it down. You scarcely ever meet a really shyman--except in novels or on the stage, where, by the bye, he is muchadmired, especially by the women.
There, in that supernatural land, he appears as a fair-haired andsaintlike young man--fair hair and goodness always go together on thestage. No respectable audience would believe in one without theother. I knew an actor who mislaid his wig53 once and had to rush on toplay the hero in his own hair, which was jet-black, and the galleryhowled at all his noble sentiments under the impression that he wasthe villain54. He--the shy young man--loves the heroine, oh sodevotedly (but only in asides, for he dare not tell her of it), and heis so noble and unselfish, and speaks in such a low voice, and is sogood to his mother; and the bad people in the play, they laugh at himand jeer56 at him, but he takes it all so gently, and in the end ittranspires that he is such a clever man, though nobody knew it, andthen the heroine tells him she loves him, and he is so surprised, andoh, so happy! and everybody loves him and asks him to forgive them,which he does in a few well-chosen and sarcastic57 words, and blessesthem; and he seems to have generally such a good time of it that allthe young fellows who are not shy long to be shy. But the really shyman knows better. He knows that it is not quite so pleasant inreality. He is not quite so interesting there as in the fiction. Heis a little more clumsy and stupid and a little less devoted55 andgentle, and his hair is much darker, which, taken altogether,considerably alters the aspect of the case.
The point where he does resemble his ideal is in his faithfulness. Iam fully58 prepared to allow the shy young man that virtue59: he isconstant in his love. But the reason is not far to seek. The fact isit exhausts all his stock of courage to look one woman in the face,and it would be simply impossible for him to go through the ordealwith a second. He stands in far too much dread60 of the whole femalesex to want to go gadding61 about with many of them. One is quiteenough for him.
Now, it is different with the young man who is not shy. He hastemptations which his bashful brother never encounters. He looksaround and everywhere sees roguish eyes and laughing lips. What morenatural than that amid so many roguish ayes and laughing lips heshould become confused and, forgetting for the moment which particularpair of roguish ayes and laughing lips it is that he belongs to, gooff making love to the wrong set. The shy man, who never looks atanything but his own boots, sees not and is not tempted. Happy shyman!
Not but what the shy man himself would much rather not be happy inthat way. He longs to "go it" with the others, and curses himselfevery day for not being able to. He will now and again, screwing uphis courage by a tremendous effort, plunge62 into roguishness. But itis always a terrible _fiasco_, and after one or two feeble floundershe crawls out again, limp and pitiable.
I say "pitiable," though I am afraid he never is pitied. There arecertain misfortunes which, while inflicting63 a vast amount of sufferingupon their victims, gain for them no sympathy. Losing an umbrella,falling in love, toothache, black eyes, and having your hat sat uponmay be mentioned as a few examples, but the chief of them all isshyness. The shy man is regarded as an animate64 joke. His torturesare the sport of the drawing-room arena65 and are pointed66 out anddiscussed with much gusto.
"Look," cry his tittering audience to each other; "he's blushing!""Just watch his legs," says one.
"Do you notice how he is sitting?" adds another: "right on the edgeof the chair.""Seems to have plenty of color," sneers67 a military-looking gentleman.
"Pity he's got so many hands," murmurs68 an elderly lady, with her owncalmly folded on her lap. "They quite confuse him.""A yard or two off his feet wouldn't be a disadvantage," chimes in thecomic man, "especially as he seems so anxious to hide them."And then another suggests that with such a voice he ought to have beena sea-captain. Some draw attention to the desperate way in which heis grasping his hat. Some comment upon his limited powers ofconversation. Others remark upon the troublesome nature of his cough.
And so on, until his peculiarities69 and the company are both thoroughlyexhausted.
His friends and relations make matters still more unpleasant for thepoor boy (friends and relations are privileged to be more disagreeablethan other people). Not content with making fun of him amongthemselves, they insist on his seeing the joke. They mimic70 andcaricature him for his own edification. One, pretending to imitatehim, goes outside and comes in again in a ludicrously nervous manner,explaining to him afterward that that is the way he--meaning the shyfellow--walks into a room; or, turning to him with "This is the wayyou shake hands," proceeds to go through a comic pantomime with therest of the room, taking hold of every one's hand as if it were a hotplate and flabbily dropping it again. And then they ask him why heblushes, and why he stammers71, and why he always speaks in an almostinaudible tone, as if they thought he did it on purpose. Then one ofthem, sticking out his chest and strutting about the room like apouter-pigeon, suggests quite seriously that that is the style heshould adopt. The old man slaps him on the back and says: "Be bold,my boy. Don't be afraid of any one." The mother says, "Never doanything that you need be ashamed of, Algernon, and then you neverneed be ashamed of anything you do," and, beaming mildly at him, seemssurprised at the clearness of her own logic72. The boys tell him thathe's "worse than a girl," and the girls repudiate73 the implied slurupon their sex by indignantly exclaiming that they are sure no girlwould be half as bad.
They are quite right; no girl would be. There is no such thing as ashy woman, or, at all events, I have never come across one, and untilI do I shall not believe in them. I know that the generally acceptedbelief is quite the reverse. All women are supposed to be like timid,startled fawns74, blushing and casting down their gentle eyes whenlooked at and running away when spoken to; while we man are supposedto be a bold and rollicky lot, and the poor dear little women admireus for it, but are terribly afraid of us. It is a pretty theory, but,like most generally accepted theories, mere44 nonsense. The girl oftwelve is self-contained and as cool as the proverbial cucumber, whileher brother of twenty stammers and stutters by her side. A woman willenter a concert-room late, interrupt the performance, and disturb thewhole audience without moving a hair, while her husband follows her, acrushed heap of apologizing misery.
The superior nerve of women in all matters connected with love, fromthe casting of the first sheep's-eye down to the end of the honeymoon,is too well acknowledged to need comment. Nor is the example a fairone to cite in the present instance, the positions not being equallybalanced. Love is woman's business, and in "business" we all layaside our natural weaknesses--the shyest man I ever knew was aphotographic tout75.
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1
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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inflicts
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的第三人称单数 ) | |
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jovial
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| adj.快乐的，好交际的 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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veracity
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| n.诚实 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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satire
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| n.讽刺，讽刺文学，讽刺作品 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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apathetic
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| adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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bruises
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| n.瘀伤，伤痕，擦伤( bruise的名词复数 ) | |
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hem
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| n.贴边，镶边；vt.缝贴边；(in)包围，限制 | |
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congregate
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| v.(使)集合，聚集 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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riveted
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| 铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 )； 把…固定住； 吸引； 引起某人的注意 | |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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corrupt
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| v.贿赂，收买；adj.腐败的，贪污的 | |
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misanthrope
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| n.恨人类的人；厌世者 | |
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rhinoceros
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| n.犀牛 | |
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civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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gasping
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| adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词 | |
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twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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lair
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| n.野兽的巢穴；躲藏处 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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magpies
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| 喜鹊（magpie的复数形式） | |
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46
puny
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| adj.微不足道的，弱小的 | |
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47
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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48
strutting
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| 加固，支撑物 | |
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49
truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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50
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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51
chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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52
recedes
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的第三人称单数 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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53
wig
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| n.假发 | |
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54
villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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55
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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56
jeer
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| vi.嘲弄，揶揄；vt.奚落；n.嘲笑，讥评 | |
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57
sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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59
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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60
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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61
gadding
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| n.叮搔症adj.蔓生的v.闲逛( gad的现在分词 )；游荡；找乐子；用铁棒刺 | |
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62
plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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inflicting
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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64
animate
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| v.赋于生命，鼓励；adj.有生命的，有生气的 | |
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65
arena
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| n.竞技场，运动场所；竞争场所，舞台 | |
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66
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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67
sneers
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| 讥笑的表情（言语）( sneer的名词复数 ) | |
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68
murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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70
mimic
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| v.模仿，戏弄；n.模仿他人言行的人 | |
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71
stammers
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| n.口吃，结巴( stammer的名词复数 )v.结巴地说出( stammer的第三人称单数 ) | |
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72
logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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73
repudiate
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| v.拒绝，拒付，拒绝履行 | |
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74
fawns
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| n.（未满一岁的）幼鹿( fawn的名词复数 )；浅黄褐色；乞怜者；奉承者v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的第三人称单数 )；巴结；讨好 | |
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75
tout
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| v.推销，招徕；兜售；吹捧，劝诱 | |
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