Never to be disquieted1!
My last Good Night — thou wilt2 not wake
Till I thy fate shall overtake.’
DR. KING.
Home seemed unnaturally3 quiet after all this terror and noisy commotion4. Her father had seen all due preparation made for her refreshment5 on her return; and then sate6 down again in his accustomed chair, to fall into one of his sad waking dreams. Dixon had got Mary Higgins to scold and direct in the kitchen; and her scolding was not the less energetic because it was delivered in an angry whisper; for, speaking above her breath she would have thought irreverent, as long as there was any one dead lying in the house. Margaret had resolved not to mention the crowning and closing affright to her father. There was no use in speaking about it; it had ended well; the only thing to be feared was lest Leonards should in some way borrow money enough to effect his purpose of following Frederick to London, and hunting him out there. But there were immense chances against the success of any such plan; and Margaret determined7 not to torment8 herself by thinking of what she could do nothing to prevent. Frederick would be as much on his guard as she could put him; and in a day or two at most he would be safely out of England.
‘I suppose we shall hear from Mr. Bell tomorrow,’ said Margaret.
‘Yes,’ replied her father. ‘I suppose so.’
‘If he can come, he will be here tomorrow evening, I should think.’
‘If he cannot come, I shall ask Mr. Thornton to go with me to the funeral. I cannot go alone. I should break down utterly9.’
‘Don’t ask Mr. Thornton, papa. Let me go with you,’ said Margaret, impetuously.
‘You! My dear, women do not generally go.’
‘No: because they can’t control themselves. Women of our class don’t go, because they have no power over their emotions, and yet are ashamed of showing them. Poor women go, and don’t care if they are seen overwhelmed with grief. But I promise you, papa, that if you will let me go, I will be no trouble. Don’t have a stranger, and leave me out. Dear papa! if Mr. Bell cannot come, I shall go. I won’t urge my wish against your will, if he does.’
Mr. Bell could not come. He had the gout. It was a most affectionate letter, and expressed great and true regret for his inability to attend. He hoped to come and pay them a visit soon, if they would have him; his Milton property required some looking after, and his agent had written to him to say that his presence was absolutely necessary; or else he had avoided coming near Milton as long as he could, and now the only thing that would reconcile him to this necessary visit was the idea that he should see, and might possibly be able to comfort his old friend.
Margaret had all the difficulty in the world to persuade her father not to invite Mr. Thornton. She had an indescribable repugnance10 to this step being taken. The night before the funeral, came a stately note from Mrs. Thornton to Miss Hale, saying that, at her son’s desire, their carriage should attend the funeral, if it would not be disagreeable to the family. Margaret tossed the note to her father.
‘Oh, don’t let us have these forms,’ said she. ‘Let us go alone — you and me, papa. They don’t care for us, or else he would have offered to go himself, and not have proposed this sending an empty carriage.’
‘I thought you were so extremely averse11 to his going, Margaret,’ said Mr. Hale in some surprise.
‘And so I am. I don’t want him to come at all; and I should especially dislike the idea of our asking him. But this seems such a mockery of mourning that I did not expect it from him.’ She startled her father by bursting into tears. She had been so subdued14 in her grief, so thoughtful for others, so gentle and patient in all things, that he could not understand her impatient ways to-night; she seemed agitated15 and restless; and at all the tenderness which her father in his turn now lavished16 upon her, she only cried the more.
She passed so bad a night that she was ill prepared for the additional anxiety caused by a letter received from Frederick. Mr. Lennox was out of town; his clerk said that he would return by the following Tuesday at the latest; that he might possibly be at home on Monday. Consequently, after some consideration, Frederick had determined upon remaining in London a day or two longer. He had thought of coming down to Milton again; the temptation had been very strong; but the idea of Mr. Bell domesticated17 in his father’s house, and the alarm he had received at the last moment at the railway station, had made him resolve to stay in London. Margaret might be assured he would take every precaution against being tracked by Leonards. Margaret was thankful that she received this letter while her father was absent in her mother’s room. If he had been present, he would have expected her to read it aloud to him, and it would have raised in him a state of nervous alarm which she would have found it impossible to soothe18 away. There was not merely the fact, which disturbed her excessively, of Frederick’s detention20 in London, but there were allusions21 to the recognition at the last moment at Milton, and the possibility of a pursuit, which made her blood run cold; and how then would it have affected22 her father? Many a time did Margaret repent23 of having suggested and urged on the plan of consulting Mr. Lennox. At the moment, it had seemed as if it would occasion so little delay — add so little to the apparently24 small chances of detection; and yet everything that had since occurred had tended to make it so undesirable25. Margaret battled hard against this regret of hers for what could not now be helped; this self-reproach for having said what had at the time appeared to be wise, but which after events were proving to have been so foolish. But her father was in too depressed26 a state of mind and body to struggle healthily; he would succumb27 to all these causes for morbid28 regret over what could not be recalled. Margaret summoned up all her forces to her aid. Her father seemed to have forgotten that they had any reason to expect a letter from Frederick that morning. He was absorbed in one idea — that the last visible token of the presence of his wife was to be carried away from him, and hidden from his sight. He trembled pitifully as the undertaker’s man was arranging his crape draperies around him. He looked wistfully at Margaret; and, when released, he tottered29 towards her, murmuring, ‘Pray for me, Margaret. I have no strength left in me. I cannot pray. I give her up because I must. I try to bear it: indeed I do. I know it is God’s will. But I cannot see why she died. Pray for me, Margaret, that I may have faith to pray. It is a great strait, my child.’
Margaret sat by him in the coach, almost supporting him in her arms; and repeating all the noble verses of holy comfort, or texts expressive30 of faithful resignation, that she could remember. Her voice never faltered31; and she herself gained strength by doing this. Her father’s lips moved after her, repeating the well-known texts as her words suggested them; it was terrible to see the patient struggling effort to obtain the resignation which he had not strength to take into his heart as a part of himself.
Margaret’s fortitude32 nearly gave way as Dixon, with a slight motion of her hand, directed her notice to Nicholas Higgins and his daughter, standing33 a little aloof34, but deeply attentive35 to the ceremonial. Nicholas wore his usual fustian36 clothes, but had a bit of black stuff sewn round his hat — a mark of mourning which he had never shown to his daughter Bessy’s memory. But Mr. Hale saw nothing. He went on repeating to himself, mechanically as it were, all the funeral service as it was read by the officiating clergyman; he sighed twice or thrice when all was ended; and then, putting his hand on Margaret’s arm, he mutely entreated37 to be led away, as if he were blind, and she his faithful guide.
Dixon sobbed38 aloud; she covered her face with her handkerchief, and was so absorbed in her own grief, that she did not perceive that the crowd, attracted on such occasions, was dispersing39, till she was spoken to by some one close at hand. It was Mr. Thornton. He had been present all the time, standing, with bent41 head, behind a group of people, so that, in fact, no one had recognised him.
‘I beg your pardon — but, can you tell me how Mr. Hale is? And Miss Hale, too? I should like to know how they both are.’
‘Of course, sir. They are much as is to be expected. Master is terribly broke down. Miss Hale bears up better than likely.’
Mr. Thornton would rather have heard that she was suffering the natural sorrow. In the first place, there was selfishness enough in him to have taken pleasure in the idea that his great love might come in to comfort and console her; much the same kind of strange passionate42 pleasure which comes stinging through a mother’s heart, when her drooping43 infant nestles close to her, and is dependent upon her for everything. But this delicious vision of what might have been — in which, in spite of all Margaret’s repulse44, he would have indulged only a few days ago — was miserably45 disturbed by the recollection of what he had seen near the Outwood station. ‘Miserably disturbed!’ that is not strong enough. He was haunted by the remembrance of the handsome young man, with whom she stood in an attitude of such familiar confidence; and the remembrance shot through him like an agony, till it made him clench46 his hands tight in order to subdue13 the pain. At that late hour, so far from home! It took a great moral effort to galvanise his trust — erewhile so perfect — in Margaret’s pure and exquisite47 maidenliness, into life; as soon as the effort ceased, his trust dropped down dead and powerless: and all sorts of wild fancies chased each other like dreams through his mind. Here was a little piece of miserable48, gnawing49 confirmation50. ‘She bore up better than likely’ under this grief. She had then some hope to look to, so bright that even in her affectionate nature it could come in to lighten the dark hours of a daughter newly made motherless. Yes! he knew how she would love. He had not loved her without gaining that instinctive51 knowledge of what capabilities52 were in her. Her soul would walk in glorious sunlight if any man was worthy53, by his power of loving, to win back her love. Even in her mourning she would rest with a peaceful faith upon his sympathy. His sympathy! Whose? That other man’s. And that it was another was enough to make Mr. Thornton’s pale grave face grow doubly wan12 and stern at Dixon’s answer.
‘I suppose I may call,’ said he coldly. ‘On Mr. Hale, I mean. He will perhaps admit me after tomorrow or so.’
He spoke40 as if the answer were a matter of indifference54 to him. But it was not so. For all his pain, he longed to see the author of it. Although he hated Margaret at times, when he thought of that gentle familiar attitude and all the attendant circumstances, he had a restless desire to renew her picture in his mind — a longing55 for the very atmosphere she breathed. He was in the Charybdis of passion, and must perforce circle and circle ever nearer round the fatal centre.
‘I dare say, sir, master will see you. He was very sorry to have to deny you the other day; but circumstances was not agreeable just then.’
For some reason or other, Dixon never named this interview that she had had with Mr. Thornton to Margaret. It might have been mere19 chance, but so it was that Margaret never heard that he had attended her poor mother’s funeral.
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1
disquieted
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| v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2
wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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3
unnaturally
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| adv.违反习俗地；不自然地；勉强地；不近人情地 | |
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4
commotion
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| n.骚动，动乱 | |
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5
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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6
sate
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| v.使充分满足 | |
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7
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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8
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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9
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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10
repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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11
averse
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| adj.厌恶的；反对的，不乐意的 | |
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12
wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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13
subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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14
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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15
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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16
lavished
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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17
domesticated
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| adj.喜欢家庭生活的；（指动物）被驯养了的v.驯化( domesticate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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19
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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20
detention
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| n.滞留，停留；拘留，扣留；(教育)留下 | |
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21
allusions
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| 暗指，间接提到( allusion的名词复数 ) | |
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22
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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23
repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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24
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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25
undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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26
depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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27
succumb
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| v.屈服，屈从；死 | |
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28
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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29
tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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30
expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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31
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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32
fortitude
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| n.坚忍不拔；刚毅 | |
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33
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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34
aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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35
attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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36
fustian
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| n.浮夸的；厚粗棉布 | |
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37
entreated
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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39
dispersing
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| adj. 分散的 动词disperse的现在分词形式 | |
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40
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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41
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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42
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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43
drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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44
repulse
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| n.击退，拒绝；vt.逐退，击退，拒绝 | |
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45
miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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46
clench
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| vt.捏紧（拳头等），咬紧（牙齿等），紧紧握住 | |
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47
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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48
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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49
gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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50
confirmation
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| n.证实，确认，批准 | |
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51
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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52
capabilities
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| n.能力( capability的名词复数 )；可能；容量；[复数]潜在能力 | |
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53
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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54
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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55
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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