This Puissant1 Prince was married to a lovely Princess whose name was Fair Freedom. She had brought him a large fortune, and had borne him an immense number of children, and had set them to spinning, and farming, and engineering, and soldiering, and sailoring, and doctoring, and lawyering, and preaching, and all kinds of trades. The coffers of Prince Bull were full of treasure, his cellars were crammed2 with delicious wines from all parts of the world, the richest gold and silver plate that ever was seen adorned3 his sideboards, his sons were strong, his daughters were handsome, and in short you might have supposed that if there ever lived upon earth a fortunate and happy Prince, the name of that Prince, take him for all in all, was assuredly Prince Bull.
But, appearances, as we all know, are not always to be trusted — far from it; and if they had led you to this conclusion respecting Prince Bull, they would have led you wrong as they often have led me.
For, this good Prince had two sharp thorns in his pillow, two hard knobs in his crown, two heavy loads on his mind, two unbridled nightmares in his sleep, two rocks ahead in his course. He could not by any means get servants to suit him, and he had a tyrannical old godmother, whose name was Tape.
She was a Fairy, this Tape, and was a bright red all over. She was disgustingly prim4 and formal, and could never bend herself a hair’s breadth this way or that way, out of her naturally crooked5 shape. But, she was very potent6 in her wicked art. She could stop the fastest thing in the world, change the strongest thing into the weakest, and the most useful into the most useless. To do this she had only to put her cold hand upon it, and repeat her own name, Tape. Then it withered7 away.
At the Court of Prince Bull — at least I don’t mean literally8 at his court, because he was a very genteel Prince, and readily yielded to his godmother when she always reserved that for his hereditary9 Lords and Ladies — in the dominions10 of Prince Bull, among the great mass of the community who were called in the language of that polite country the Mobs and the Snobs11, were a number of very ingenious men, who were always busy with some invention or other, for promoting the prosperity of the Prince’s subjects, and augmenting12 the Prince’s power. But, whenever they submitted their models for the Prince’s approval, his godmother stepped forward, laid her hand upon them, and said ‘Tape.’ Hence it came to pass, that when any particularly good discovery was made, the discoverer usually carried it off to some other Prince, in foreign parts, who had no old godmother who said Tape. This was not on the whole an advantageous13 state of things for Prince Bull, to the best of my understanding.
The worst of it was, that Prince Bull had in course of years lapsed14 into such a state of subjection to this unlucky godmother, that he never made any serious effort to rid himself of her tyranny. I have said this was the worst of it, but there I was wrong, because there is a worse consequence still, behind. The Prince’s numerous family became so downright sick and tired of Tape, that when they should have helped the Prince out of the difficulties into which that evil creature led him, they fell into a dangerous habit of moodily15 keeping away from him in an impassive and indifferent manner, as though they had quite forgotten that no harm could happen to the Prince their father, without its inevitably16 affecting themselves.
Such was the aspect of affairs at the court of Prince Bull, when this great Prince found it necessary to go to war with Prince Bear. He had been for some time very doubtful of his servants, who, besides being indolent and addicted17 to enriching their families at his expense, domineered over him dreadfully; threatening to discharge themselves if they were found the least fault with, pretending that they had done a wonderful amount of work when they had done nothing, making the most unmeaning speeches that ever were heard in the Prince’s name, and uniformly showing themselves to be very inefficient18 indeed. Though, that some of them had excellent characters from previous situations is not to be denied. Well; Prince Bull called his servants together, and said to them one and all, ‘Send out my army against Prince Bear. Clothe it, arm it, feed it, provide it with all necessaries and contingencies19, and I will pay the piper! Do your duty by my brave troops,’ said the Prince, ‘and do it well, and I will pour my treasure out like water, to defray the cost. Who ever heard ME complain of money well laid out!’ Which indeed he had reason for saying, inasmuch as he was well known to be a truly generous and munificent20 Prince.
When the servants heard those words, they sent out the army against Prince Bear, and they set the army tailors to work, and the army provision merchants, and the makers21 of guns both great and small, and the gunpowder22 makers, and the makers of ball, shell, and shot; and they bought up all manner of stores and ships, without troubling their heads about the price, and appeared to be so busy that the good Prince rubbed his hands, and (using a favourite expression of his), said, ‘It’s all right I’ But, while they were thus employed, the Prince’s godmother, who was a great favourite with those servants, looked in upon them continually all day long, and whenever she popped in her head at the door said, How do you do, my children? What are you doing here?’ ‘Official business, godmother.’ ‘Oho!’ says this wicked Fairy. ‘— Tape!’ And then the business all went wrong, whatever it was, and the servants’ heads became so addled23 and muddled24 that they thought they were doing wonders.
Now, this was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old nuisance, and she ought to have been strangled, even if she had stopped here; but, she didn’t stop here, as you shall learn. For, a number of the Prince’s subjects, being very fond of the Prince’s army who were the bravest of men, assembled together and provided all manner of eatables and drinkables, and books to read, and clothes to wear, and tobacco to smoke, and candies to burn, and nailed them up in great packing-cases, and put them aboard a great many ships, to be carried out to that brave army in the cold and inclement25 country where they were fighting Prince Bear. Then, up comes this wicked Fairy as the ships were weighing anchor, and says, ‘How do you do, my children? What are you doing here?’ — ‘We are going with all these comforts to the army, godmother.’ — ‘Oho!’ says she. ‘A pleasant voyage, my darlings. — Tape!’ And from that time forth26, those enchanting27 ships went sailing, against wind and tide and rhyme and reason, round and round the world, and whenever they touched at any port were ordered off immediately, and could never deliver their cargoes28 anywhere.
This, again, was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old nuisance, and she ought to have been strangled for it if she had done nothing worse; but, she did something worse still, as you shall learn. For, she got astride of an official broomstick, and muttered as a spell these two sentences, ‘On Her Majesty’s service,’ and ‘I have the honour to be, sir, your most obedient servant,’ and presently alighted in the cold and inclement country where the army of Prince Bull were encamped to fight the army of Prince Bear. On the sea-shore of that country, she found piled together, a number of houses for the army to live in, and a quantity of provisions for the army to live upon, and a quantity of clothes for the army to wear: while, sitting in the mud gazing at them, were a group of officers as red to look at as the wicked old woman herself. So, she said to one of them, ‘Who are you, my darling, and how do you do?’ — ‘I am the Quartermaster General’s Department, godmother, and I am pretty well.’ Then she said to another, ‘Who are YOU, my darling, and how do YOU do?’ — ‘I am the Commissariat Department, godmother, and I am pretty well! Then she said to another, ‘Who are YOU, my darling, and how do YOU do?’ — ‘I am the Head of the Medical Department, godmother, and I am pretty well.’ Then, she said to some gentlemen scented29 with lavender, who kept themselves at a great distance from the rest, ‘And who are YOU, my pretty pets, and how do YOU do?’ And they answered, ‘We-aw-are-the-aw-Staff-aw-Department, godmother, and we are very well indeed.’ — ‘I am delighted to see you all, my beauties,’ says this wicked old Fairy, ‘ — Tape!’ Upon that, the houses, clothes, and provisions, all mouldered30 away; and the soldiers who were sound, fell sick; and the soldiers who were sick, died miserably31: and the noble army of Prince Bull perished.
When the dismal32 news of his great loss was carried to the Prince, he suspected his godmother very much indeed; but, he knew that his servants must have kept company with the malicious33 beldame, and must have given way to her, and therefore he resolved to turn those servants out of their places. So, he called to him a Roebuck who had the gift of speech, and he said, ‘Good Roebuck, tell them they must go.’ So, the good Roebuck delivered his message, so like a man that you might have supposed him to be nothing but a man, and they were turned out — but, not without warning, for that they had had a long time.
And now comes the most extraordinary part of the history of this Prince. When he had turned out those servants, of course he wanted others. What was his astonishment34 to find that in all his dominions, which contained no less than twenty-seven millions of people, there were not above five-and-twenty servants altogether! They were so lofty about it, too, that instead of discussing whether they should hire themselves as servants to Prince Bull, they turned things topsy-turvy, and considered whether as a favour they should hire Prince Bull to be their master! While they were arguing this point among themselves quite at their leisure, the wicked old red Fairy was incessantly35 going up and down, knocking at the doors of twelve of the oldest of the five-and-twenty, who were the oldest inhabitants in all that country, and whose united ages amounted to one thousand, saying, ‘Will YOU hire Prince Bull for your master? — Will YOU hire Prince Bull for your master?’ To which one answered, ‘I will if next door will;’ and another, ‘I won’t if over the way does;’ and another, ‘I can’t if he, she, or they, might, could, would, or should.’ And all this time Prince Bull’s affairs were going to rack and ruin.
At last, Prince Bull in the height of his perplexity assumed a thoughtful face, as if he were struck by an entirely36 new idea. The wicked old Fairy, seeing this, was at his elbow directly, and said, ‘How do you do, my Prince, and what are you thinking of?’ — ‘I am thinking, godmother,’ says he, ‘that among all the seven-and-twenty millions of my subjects who have never been in service, there are men of intellect and business who have made me very famous both among my friends and enemies.’ — ‘Aye, truly?’ says the Fairy. — ‘Aye, truly,’ says the Prince. — ‘And what then?’ says the Fairy. — ‘Why, then,’ says he, ‘since the regular old class of servants do so ill, are so hard to get, and carry it with so high a hand, perhaps I might try to make good servants of some of these.’ The words had no sooner passed his lips than she returned, chuckling37, ‘You think so, do you? Indeed, my Prince? — Tape!’ Thereupon he directly forgot what he was thinking of, and cried out lamentably38 to the old servants, ‘O, do come and hire your poor old master! Pray do! On any terms!’
And this, for the present, finishes the story of Prince Bull. I wish I could wind it up by saying that he lived happy ever afterwards, but I cannot in my conscience do so; for, with Tape at his elbow, and his estranged39 children fatally repelled40 by her from coming near him, I do not, to tell you the plain truth, believe in the possibility of such an end to it.
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1 puissant | |
adj.强有力的 | |
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2 crammed | |
adj.塞满的,挤满的;大口地吃;快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满;填入;临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式) | |
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3 adorned | |
[计]被修饰的 | |
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4 prim | |
adj.拘泥形式的,一本正经的;n.循规蹈矩,整洁;adv.循规蹈矩地,整洁地 | |
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5 crooked | |
adj.弯曲的;不诚实的,狡猾的,不正当的 | |
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6 potent | |
adj.强有力的,有权势的;有效力的 | |
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7 withered | |
adj. 枯萎的,干瘪的,(人身体的部分器官)因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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8 literally | |
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实 | |
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9 hereditary | |
adj.遗传的,遗传性的,可继承的,世袭的 | |
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10 dominions | |
统治权( dominion的名词复数 ); 领土; 疆土; 版图 | |
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11 snobs | |
(谄上傲下的)势利小人( snob的名词复数 ); 自高自大者,自命不凡者 | |
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12 augmenting | |
使扩张 | |
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13 advantageous | |
adj.有利的;有帮助的 | |
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14 lapsed | |
adj.流失的,堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 );陷入;倒退;丧失 | |
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15 moodily | |
adv.喜怒无常地;情绪多变地;心情不稳地;易生气地 | |
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16 inevitably | |
adv.不可避免地;必然发生地 | |
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17 addicted | |
adj.沉溺于....的,对...上瘾的 | |
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18 inefficient | |
adj.效率低的,无效的 | |
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19 contingencies | |
n.偶然发生的事故,意外事故( contingency的名词复数 );以备万一 | |
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20 munificent | |
adj.慷慨的,大方的 | |
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21 makers | |
n.制造者,制造商(maker的复数形式) | |
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22 gunpowder | |
n.火药 | |
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23 addled | |
adj.(头脑)糊涂的,愚蠢的;(指蛋类)变坏v.使糊涂( addle的过去式和过去分词 );使混乱;使腐臭;使变质 | |
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24 muddled | |
adj.混乱的;糊涂的;头脑昏昏然的v.弄乱,弄糟( muddle的过去式);使糊涂;对付,混日子 | |
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25 inclement | |
adj.严酷的,严厉的,恶劣的 | |
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26 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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27 enchanting | |
a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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28 cargoes | |
n.(船或飞机装载的)货物( cargo的名词复数 );大量,重负 | |
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29 scented | |
adj.有香味的;洒香水的;有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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30 mouldered | |
v.腐朽( moulder的过去式和过去分词 );腐烂,崩塌 | |
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31 miserably | |
adv.痛苦地;悲惨地;糟糕地;极度地 | |
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32 dismal | |
adj.阴沉的,凄凉的,令人忧郁的,差劲的 | |
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33 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
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34 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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35 incessantly | |
ad.不停地 | |
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36 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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37 chuckling | |
轻声地笑( chuckle的现在分词 ) | |
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38 lamentably | |
adv.哀伤地,拙劣地 | |
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39 estranged | |
adj.疏远的,分离的 | |
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40 repelled | |
v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 );使厌恶;排斥;推开 | |
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