Our honourable friend has issued an address of congratulation to the Electors, which is worthy5 of that noble constituency, and is a very pretty piece of composition. In electing him, he says, they have covered themselves with glory, and England has been true to herself. (In his preliminary address he had remarked, in a poetical7 quotation8 of great rarity, that nought9 could make us rue6, if England to herself did prove but true.)
Our honourable friend delivers a prediction, in the same document, that the feeble minions10 of a faction11 will never hold up their heads any more; and that the finger of scorn will point at them in their dejected state, through countless12 ages of time. Further, that the hireling tools that would destroy the sacred bulwarks13 of our nationality are unworthy of the name of Englishman; and that so long as the sea shall roll around our ocean-girded isle14, so long his motto shall be, No surrender. Certain dogged persons of low principles and no intellect, have disputed whether anybody knows who the minions are, or what the faction is, or which are the hireling tools and which the sacred bulwarks, or what it is that is never to be surrendered, and if not, why not? But, our honourable friend the member for Verbosity knows all about it.
Our honourable friend has sat in several parliaments, and given bushels of votes. He is a man of that profundity15 in the matter of vote-giving, that you never know what he means. When he seems to be voting pure white, he may be in reality voting jet black. When he says Yes, it is just as likely as not — or rather more so — that he means No. This is the statesmanship of our honourable friend. It is in this, that he differs from mere16 unparliamentary men. YOU may not know what he meant then, or what he means now; but, our honourable friend knows, and did from the first know, both what he meant then, and what he means now; and when he said he didn’t mean it then, he did in fact say, that he means it now. And if you mean to say that you did not then, and do not now, know what he did mean then, or does mean now, our honourable friend will be glad to receive an explicit17 declaration from you whether you are prepared to destroy the sacred bulwarks of our nationality.
Our honourable friend, the member for Verbosity, has this great attribute, that he always means something, and always means the same thing. When he came down to that House and mournfully boasted in his place, as an individual member of the assembled Commons of this great and happy country, that he could lay his hand upon his heart, and solemnly declare that no consideration on earth should induce him, at any time or under any circumstances, to go as far north as Berwick-upon-Tweed; and when he nevertheless, next year, did go to Berwick-upon-Tweed, and even beyond it, to Edinburgh; he had one single meaning, one and indivisible. And God forbid (our honourable friend says) that he should waste another argument upon the man who professes18 that he cannot understand it! ‘I do NOT, gentlemen,’ said our honourable friend, with indignant emphasis and amid great cheering, on one such public occasion. ‘I do NOT, gentlemen, I am free to confess, envy the feelings of that man whose mind is so constituted as that he can hold such language to me, and yet lay his head upon his pillow, claiming to be a native of that land,
Whose march is o’er the mountain-wave, Whose home is on the deep!
(Vehement cheering, and man expelled.)
When our honourable friend issued his preliminary address to the constituent19 body of Verbosity on the occasion of one particular glorious triumph, it was supposed by some of his enemies, that even he would be placed in a situation of difficulty by the following comparatively trifling20 conjunction of circumstances. The dozen noblemen and gentlemen whom our honourable friend supported, had ‘come in,’ expressly to do a certain thing. Now, four of the dozen said, at a certain place, that they didn’t mean to do that thing, and had never meant to do it; another four of the dozen said, at another certain place, that they did mean to do that thing, and had always meant to do it; two of the remaining four said, at two other certain places, that they meant to do half of that thing (but differed about which half), and to do a variety of nameless wonders instead of the other half; and one of the remaining two declared that the thing itself was dead and buried, while the other as strenuously21 protested that it was alive and kicking. It was admitted that the parliamentary genius of our honourable friend would be quite able to reconcile such small discrepancies22 as these; but, there remained the additional difficulty that each of the twelve made entirely23 different statements at different places, and that all the twelve called everything visible and invisible, sacred and profane24, to witness, that they were a perfectly25 impregnable phalanx of unanimity26. This, it was apprehended27, would be a stumbling-block to our honourable friend.
The difficulty came before our honourable friend, in this way. He went down to Verbosity to meet his free and independent constituents28, and to render an account (as he informed them in the local papers) of the trust they had confided29 to his hands — that trust which it was one of the proudest privileges of an Englishman to possess — that trust which it was the proudest privilege of an Englishman to hold. It may be mentioned as a proof of the great general interest attaching to the contest, that a Lunatic whom nobody employed or knew, went down to Verbosity with several thousand pounds in gold, determined30 to give the whole away — which he actually did; and that all the publicans opened their houses for nothing. Likewise, several fighting men, and a patriotic31 group of burglars sportively armed with life-preservers, proceeded (in barouches and very drunk) to the scene of action at their own expense; these children of nature having conceived a warm attachment32 to our honourable friend, and intending, in their artless manner, to testify it by knocking the voters in the opposite interest on the head.
Our honourable friend being come into the presence of his constituents, and having professed33 with great suavity34 that he was delighted to see his good friend Tipkisson there, in his working-dress — his good friend Tipkisson being an inveterate35 saddler, who always opposes him, and for whom he has a mortal hatred36 — made them a brisk, ginger-beery sort of speech, in which he showed them how the dozen noblemen and gentlemen had (in exactly ten days from their coming in) exercised a surprisingly beneficial effect on the whole financial condition of Europe, had altered the state of the exports and imports for the current half-year, had prevented the drain of gold, had made all that matter right about the glut37 of the raw material, and had restored all sorts of balances with which the superseded38 noblemen and gentlemen had played the deuce — and all this, with wheat at so much a quarter, gold at so much an ounce, and the Bank of England discounting good bills at so much per cent.! He might be asked, he observed in a peroration39 of great power, what were his principles? His principles were what they always had been. His principles were written in the countenances41 of the lion and unicorn42; were stamped indelibly upon the royal shield which those grand animals supported, and upon the free words of fire which that shield bore. His principles were, Britannia and her sea-king trident! His principles were, commercial prosperity co-existently with perfect and profound agricultural contentment; but short of this he would never stop. His principles were, these, — with the addition of his colours nailed to the mast, every man’s heart in the right place, every man’s eye open, every man’s hand ready, every man’s mind on the alert. His principles were these, concurrently43 with a general revision of something — speaking generally — and a possible readjustment of something else, not to be mentioned more particularly. His principles, to sum up all in a word, were, Hearths44 and Altars, Labour and Capital, Crown and Sceptre, Elephant and Castle. And now, if his good friend Tipkisson required any further explanation from him, he (our honourable friend) was there, willing and ready to give it.
Tipkisson, who all this time had stood conspicuous45 in the crowd, with his arms folded and his eyes intently fastened on our honourable friend: Tipkisson, who throughout our honourable friend’s address had not relaxed a muscle of his visage, but had stood there, wholly unaffected by the torrent46 of eloquence47: an object of contempt and scorn to mankind (by which we mean, of course, to the supporters of our honourable friend); Tipkisson now said that he was a plain man (Cries of ‘You are indeed!’), and that what he wanted to know was, what our honourable friend and the dozen noblemen and gentlemen were driving at?
Our honourable friend immediately replied, ‘At the illimitable perspective.’
It was considered by the whole assembly that this happy statement of our honourable friend’s political views ought, immediately, to have settled Tipkisson’s business and covered him with confusion; but, that implacable person, regardless of the execrations that were heaped upon him from all sides (by which we mean, of course, from our honourable friend’s side), persisted in retaining an unmoved countenance40, and obstinately48 retorted that if our honourable friend meant that, he wished to know what THAT meant?
It was in repelling49 this most objectionable and indecent opposition50, that our honourable friend displayed his highest qualifications for the representation of Verbosity. His warmest supporters present, and those who were best acquainted with his generalship, supposed that the moment was come when he would fall back upon the sacred bulwarks of our nationality. No such thing. He replied thus: ‘My good friend Tipkisson, gentlemen, wishes to know what I mean when he asks me what we are driving at, and when I candidly51 tell him, at the illimitable perspective, he wishes (if I understand him) to know what I mean?’ — ‘I do!’ says Tipkisson, amid cries of ‘Shame’ and ‘Down with him.’ ‘Gentlemen,’ says our honourable friend, ‘I will indulge my good friend Tipkisson, by telling him, both what I mean and what I don’t mean. (Cheers and cries of ‘Give it him!’) Be it known to him then, and to all whom it may concern, that I do mean altars, hearths, and homes, and that I don’t mean mosques52 and Mohammedanism!’ The effect of this home-thrust was terrific. Tipkisson (who is a Baptist) was hooted53 down and hustled54 out, and has ever since been regarded as a Turkish Renegade who contemplates55 an early pilgrimage to Mecca. Nor was he the only discomfited56 man. The charge, while it stuck to him, was magically transferred to our honourable friend’s opponent, who was represented in an immense variety of placards as a firm believer in Mahomet; and the men of Verbosity were asked to choose between our honourable friend and the Bible, and our honourable friend’s opponent and the Koran. They decided57 for our honourable friend, and rallied round the illimitable perspective.
It has been claimed for our honourable friend, with much appearance of reason, that he was the first to bend sacred matters to electioneering tactics. However this may be, the fine precedent58 was undoubtedly59 set in a Verbosity election: and it is certain that our honourable friend (who was a disciple60 of Brahma in his youth, and was a Buddhist61 when we had the honour of travelling with him a few years ago) always professes in public more anxiety than the whole Bench of Bishops62, regarding the theological and doxological opinions of every man, woman, and child, in the United Kingdom.
As we began by saying that our honourable friend has got in again at this last election, and that we are delighted to find that he has got in, so we will conclude. Our honourable friend cannot come in for Verbosity too often. It is a good sign; it is a great example. It is to men like our honourable friend, and to contests like those from which he comes triumphant2, that we are mainly indebted for that ready interest in politics, that fresh enthusiasm in the discharge of the duties of citizenship63, that ardent64 desire to rush to the poll, at present so manifest throughout England. When the contest lies (as it sometimes does) between two such men as our honourable friend, it stimulates65 the finest emotions of our nature, and awakens66 the highest admiration67 of which our heads and hearts are capable.
It is not too much to predict that our honourable friend will be always at his post in the ensuing session. Whatever the question be, or whatever the form of its discussion; address to the crown, election petition, expenditure68 of the public money, extension of the public suffrage69, education, crime; in the whole house, in committee of the whole house, in select committee; in every parliamentary discussion of every subject, everywhere: the Honourable Member for Verbosity will most certainly be found.
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1
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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verbosity
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| n.冗长，赘言 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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poetical
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| adj.似诗人的；诗一般的；韵文的；富有诗意的 | |
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quotation
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| n.引文，引语，语录；报价，牌价，行情 | |
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nought
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| n.／adj.无，零 | |
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minions
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| n.奴颜婢膝的仆从( minion的名词复数 )；走狗；宠儿；受人崇拜者 | |
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faction
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| n.宗派，小集团；派别；派系斗争 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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bulwarks
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| n.堡垒( bulwark的名词复数 )；保障；支柱；舷墙 | |
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isle
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| n.小岛，岛 | |
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profundity
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| n.渊博；深奥，深刻 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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explicit
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| adj.详述的，明确的；坦率的；显然的 | |
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professes
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| 声称( profess的第三人称单数 )； 宣称； 公开表明； 信奉 | |
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constituent
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| n.选民；成分，组分；adj.组成的，构成的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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strenuously
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| adv.奋发地，费力地 | |
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discrepancies
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| n.差异，不符合（之处），不一致（之处）( discrepancy的名词复数 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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unanimity
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| n.全体一致，一致同意 | |
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apprehended
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| 逮捕，拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 )； 理解 | |
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constituents
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| n.选民( constituent的名词复数 )；成分；构成部分；要素 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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patriotic
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| adj.爱国的，有爱国心的 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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suavity
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| n.温和；殷勤 | |
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inveterate
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| adj.积习已深的，根深蒂固的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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glut
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| n.存货过多，供过于求；v.狼吞虎咽 | |
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superseded
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| [医]被代替的，废弃的 | |
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peroration
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| n.（演说等之）结论 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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unicorn
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| n.(传说中的)独角兽 | |
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concurrently
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| adv.同时地 | |
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hearths
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| 壁炉前的地板，炉床，壁炉边( hearth的名词复数 ) | |
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conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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obstinately
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| ad.固执地，顽固地 | |
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repelling
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| v.击退( repel的现在分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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candidly
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| adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地 | |
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52
mosques
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| 清真寺； 伊斯兰教寺院，清真寺； 清真寺，伊斯兰教寺院( mosque的名词复数 ) | |
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53
hooted
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| （使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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hustled
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| 催促（hustle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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contemplates
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| 深思，细想，仔细考虑( contemplate的第三人称单数 )； 注视，凝视； 考虑接受（发生某事的可能性）； 深思熟虑，沉思，苦思冥想 | |
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discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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precedent
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| n.先例，前例；惯例；adj.在前的，在先的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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Buddhist
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| adj./n.佛教的，佛教徒 | |
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bishops
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| （基督教某些教派管辖大教区的）主教( bishop的名词复数 )； （国际象棋的）象 | |
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citizenship
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| n.市民权，公民权，国民的义务(身份) | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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stimulates
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| v.刺激( stimulate的第三人称单数 )；激励；使兴奋；起兴奋作用，起刺激作用，起促进作用 | |
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awakens
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的第三人称单数 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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suffrage
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| n.投票，选举权，参政权 | |
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