At the end of last month, had I been a Pall10 Mall preacher, I would have liked to send a whip round to all the Clubs in St. James’s, and convoke11 the few members remaining in London to hear a discourse sub Dio on a text from the Observer newspaper. I would have taken post under the statue of Fame, say, where she stands distributing wreaths to the three Crimean Guardsmen. (The crossing-sweeper does not obstruct12 the path, and I suppose is away at his villa13 on Sundays.) And, when the congregation was pretty quiet, I would have begun:—
In the Observer of the 27th September, 1863, in the fifth page and the fourth column, it is thus written:—
“The codicil14 appended to the will of the late Lord Clyde, executed at Chatham, and bearing the signature of Clyde, F. M., is written, strange to say, on a sheet of paper BEARING THE ‘ATHENAEUM CLUB’ MARK.”
What the codicil is, my dear brethren, it is not our business to inquire. It conveys a benefaction to a faithful and attached friend of the good Field-Marshal. The gift may be a lakh of rupees, or it may be a house and its contents — furniture, plate, and wine-cellar. My friends, I know the wine-merchant, and, for the sake of the legatee, hope heartily15 that the stock is large.
Am I wrong, dear brethren, in supposing that you expect a preacher to say a seasonable word on death here? If you don’t, I fear you are but little familiar with the habits of preachers, and are but lax hearers of sermons. We might contrast the vault16 where the warrior’s remains17 lie shrouded18 and coffined19, with that in which his worldly provision of wine is stowed away. Spain and Portugal and France — all the lands which supplied his store — as hardy20 and obedient subaltern, as resolute21 captain, as colonel daring but prudent22 — he has visited the fields of all. In India and China he marches always unconquered; or at the head of his dauntless Highland23 brigade he treads the Crimean snow; or he rides from conquest to conquest in India once more; succoring24 his countrymen in the hour of their utmost need; smiting25 down the scared mutiny, and trampling26 out the embers of rebellion; at the head of an heroic army, a consummate27 chief. And now his glorious old sword is sheathed28, and his honors are won: and he has bought him a house, and stored it with modest cheer for his friends (the good old man put water in his own wine, and a glass or two sufficed him)— behold29 the end comes, and his legatee inherits these modest possessions by virtue30 of a codicil to his lordship’s will, written, “strange to say, upon a sheet of paper, bearing the ‘Athenaeum Club’ mark.”
It is to this part of the text, my brethren, that I propose to address myself particularly, and if the remarks I make are offensive to any of you, you know the doors of our meeting-house are open, and you can walk out when you will. Around us are magnificent halls and palaces frequented by such a multitude of men as not even the Roman Forum31 assembled together. Yonder are the Martium and the Palladium. Next to the Palladium is the elegant Viatorium, which Barry gracefully32 stole from Rome. By its side is the massive Reformatorium: and the — the Ultratorium rears its granite33 columns beyond. Extending down the street palace after palace rises magnificent, and under their lofty roofs warriors34 and lawyers, merchants and nobles, scholars and seamen35, the wealthy, the poor, the busy, the idle assemble. Into the halls built down this little street and its neighborhood the principal men of all London come to hear or impart the news; and the affairs of the state or of private individuals, the quarrels of empires or of authors, the movements of the court, or the splendid vagaries36 of fashion, the intrigues37 of statesmen or of persons of another sex yet more wily, the last news of battles in the great occidental continents, nay38, the latest betting for the horse-races, or the advent39 of a dancer at the theatre — all that men do is discussed in these Pall Mall agorae, where we of London daily assemble.
Now among so many talkers, consider how many false reports must fly about: in such multitudes imagine how many disappointed men there must be; how many chatterboxes; how many feeble and credulous40 (whereof I mark some specimens41 in my congregation); how many mean, rancorous, prone42 to believe ill of their betters, eager to find fault; and then, my brethren, fancy how the words of my text must have been read and received in Pall Mall! (I perceive several of the congregation looking most uncomfortable. One old boy with a dyed moustache turns purple in the face, and struts43 back to the Martium: another, with a shrug44 of the shoulder and a murmur45 of “Rubbish,” slinks away in the direction of the Togatorium, and the preacher continues.) The will of Field-Marshal Lord Clyde — signed AT CHATHAM, mind, where his lordship died — is written, STRANGE TO SAY, on a sheet of paper bearing the “Athenaeum Club” mark!
The inference is obvious. A man cannot get Athenaeum paper except at the “Athenaeum.” Such paper is not sold at Chatham, where the last codicil to his lordship’s will is dated. And so the painful belief is forced upon us, that a Peer, a Field-Marshal, wealthy, respected, illustrious, could pocket paper at his Club, and carry it away with him to the country. One fancies the hall-porter conscious of the old lord’s iniquity46, and holding down his head as the Marshal passes the door. What is that roll which his lordship carries? Is it his Marshal’s baton47 gloriously won? No; it is a roll of foolscap conveyed from the Club. What has he on his breast, under his greatcoat? Is it his Star of India? No; it is a bundle of envelopes, bearing the head of Minerva, some sealing-wax, and a half-score of pens.
Let us imagine how in the hall of one or other of these Clubs this strange anecdote48 will be discussed.
“Notorious screw,” says Sneer49. “The poor old fellow’s avarice50 has long been known.”
“Suppose he wishes to imitate the Duke of Marlborough,” says Simper.
“Habit of looting contracted in India, you know; ain’t so easy to get over, you know,” says Snigger.
“When officers dined with him in India,” remarks Solemn, “it was notorious that the spoons were all of a different pattern.”
“Perhaps it isn’t true. Suppose he wrote his paper at the Club?” interposes Jones.
“It is dated at Chatham, my good man,” says Brown. “A man if he is in London says he is in London. A man if he is in Rochester says he is in Rochester. This man happens to forget that he is using the Club paper; and he happens to be found out: many men DON’T happen to be found out. I’ve seen literary fellows at Clubs writing their rubbishing articles; I have no doubt they take away reams of paper. They crib thoughts: why shouldn’t they crib stationery51? One of your literary vagabonds who is capable of stabbing a reputation, who is capable of telling any monstrous52 falsehood to support his party, is surely capable of stealing a ream of paper.”
“Well, well, we have all our weaknesses,” sighs Robinson. “Seen that article, Thompson, in the Observer about Lord Clyde and the Club paper? You’ll find it up stairs. In the third column of the fifth page towards the bottom of the page. I suppose he was so poor he couldn’t afford to buy a quire of paper. Hadn’t fourpence in the world. Oh, no!”
“And they want to get up a testimonial to this man’s memory — a statue or something!” cries Jawkins. “A man who wallows in wealth and takes paper away from his Club! I don’t say he is not brave. Brutal courage most men have. I don’t say he was not a good officer: a man with such experience MUST have been a good officer unless he was a born fool. But to think of this man loaded with honors — though of a low origin — so lost to self-respect as actually to take away the ‘Athenaeum’ paper! These parvenus53, sir, betray their origin — betray their origin. I said to my wife this very morning, ‘Mrs. Jawkins,’ I said, ‘there is talk of a testimonial to this man. I will not give one shilling. I have no idea of raising statues to fellows who take away Club paper. No, by George, I have not. Why, they will be raising statues to men who take Club spoons next! Not one penny of MY money shall they have!’”
And now, if you please, we will tell the real story which has furnished this scandal to a newspaper, this tattle to Club gossips and loungers. The Field-Marshal, wishing to make a further provision for a friend, informed his lawyer what he desired to do. The lawyer, a member of the “Athenaeum Club,” there wrote the draft of such a codicil as he would advise, and sent the paper by the post to Lord Clyde at Chatham. Lord Clyde finding the paper perfectly54 satisfactory, signed it and sent it back: and hence we have the story of “the codicil bearing the signature of Clyde, F. M., and written, strange to say, upon paper bearing the ‘Athenaeum Club’ mark.”
Here I have been imagining a dialogue between a half-dozen gossips such as congregate55 round a Club fireplace of an afternoon. I wonder how many people besides — whether any chance reader of this very page has read and believed this story about the good old lord? Have the country papers copied the anecdote, and our “own correspondents” made their remarks on it? If, my good sir, or madam, you have read it and credited it, don’t you own to a little feeling of shame and sorrow, now that the trumpery56 little mystery is cleared? To “the new inhabitant of light,” passed away and out of reach of our censure57, misrepresentation, scandal, dulness, malice58, a silly falsehood matters nothing. Censure and praise are alike to him —
“The music warbling to the deafened59 ear,
The incense60 wasted on the funeral bier,”
the pompous61 eulogy62 pronounced over the gravestone, or the lie that slander63 spits on it. Faithfully though this brave old chief did his duty, honest and upright though his life was, glorious his renown64 — you see he could write at Chatham on London paper; you see men can be found to point out how “strange” his behavior was.
And about ourselves? My good people, do you by chance know any man or woman who has formed unjust conclusions regarding his neighbor? Have you ever found yourself willing, nay, eager to believe evil of some man whom you hate? Whom you hate because he is successful, and you are not: because he is rich, and you are poor: because he dines with great men who don’t invite you: because he wears a silk gown, and yours is still stuff: because he has been called in to perform the operation though you lived close by: because his pictures have been bought and yours returned home unsold: because he fills his church, and you are preaching to empty pews? If your rival prospers65 have you ever felt a twinge of anger? If his wife’s carriage passes you and Mrs. Tomkins, who are in a cab, don’t you feel that those people are giving themselves absurd airs of importance? If he lives with great people, are you not sure he is a sneak66? And if you ever felt envy towards another, and if your heart has ever been black towards your brother, if you have been peevish67 at his success, pleased to hear his merit depreciated68, and eager to believe all that is said in his disfavor — my good sir, as you yourself contritely69 own that you are unjust, jealous, uncharitable, so, you may be sure, some men are uncharitable, jealous, and unjust regarding YOU.
The proofs and manuscript of this little sermon have just come from the printer’s, and as I look at the writing, I perceive, not without a smile, that one or two of the pages bear, “strange to say,” the mark of a Club of which I have the honor to be a member. Those lines quoted in a foregoing page are from some noble verses written by one of Mr. Addison’s men, Mr. Tickell, on the death of Cadogan, who was amongst the most prominent “of Marlborough’s captains and Eugenio’s friends.” If you are acquainted with the history of those times, you have read how Cadogan had his feuds70 and hatreds71 too, as Tickell’s patron had his, as Cadogan’s great chief had his. “The Duke of Marlborough’s character has been so variously drawn” (writes a famous contemporary of the duke’s), “that it is hard to pronounce on either side without the suspicion of flattery or detraction72. I shall say nothing of his military accomplishments73, which the opposite reports of his friends and enemies among the soldiers have rendered problematical. Those maligners who deny him personal valor74, seem not to consider that this accusation75 is charged at a venture, since the person of a general is too seldom exposed, and that fear which is said sometimes to have disconcerted him before action might probably be more for his army than himself.” If Swift could hint a doubt of Marlborough’s courage, what wonder that a nameless scribe of our day should question the honor of Clyde?
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1
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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rapacious
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| adj.贪婪的，强夺的 | |
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imminent
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| adj.即将发生的，临近的，逼近的 | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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reprobates
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| n.道德败坏的人，恶棍( reprobate的名词复数 ) | |
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snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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11
convoke
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| v.召集会议 | |
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obstruct
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| v.阻隔，阻塞(道路、通道等)；n.阻碍物，障碍物 | |
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villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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codicil
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| n.遗嘱的附录 | |
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15
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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16
vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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shrouded
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| v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 )；保密 | |
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coffined
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| vt.收殓（coffin的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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hardy
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| adj.勇敢的，果断的，吃苦的；耐寒的 | |
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resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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23
highland
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| n.(pl.)高地，山地 | |
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succoring
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| v.给予帮助( succor的现在分词 ) | |
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smiting
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的现在分词 ) | |
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trampling
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| 踩( trample的现在分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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28
sheathed
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| adj.雕塑像下半身包在鞘中的；覆盖的；铠装的；装鞘了的v.将（刀、剑等）插入鞘( sheathe的过去式和过去分词 )；包，覆盖 | |
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29
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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forum
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| n.论坛，讨论会 | |
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gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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granite
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| adj.花岗岩，花岗石 | |
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warriors
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| 武士，勇士，战士( warrior的名词复数 ) | |
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seamen
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| n.海员 | |
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vagaries
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| n.奇想( vagary的名词复数 )；异想天开；异常行为；难以预测的情况 | |
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intrigues
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| n.密谋策划( intrigue的名词复数 )；神秘气氛；引人入胜的复杂情节v.搞阴谋诡计( intrigue的第三人称单数 )；激起…的好奇心 | |
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38
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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advent
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| n.(重要事件等的)到来，来临 | |
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40
credulous
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| adj.轻信的，易信的 | |
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specimens
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| n.样品( specimen的名词复数 )；范例；（化验的）抽样；某种类型的人 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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struts
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| （框架的）支杆( strut的名词复数 )； 支柱； 趾高气扬的步态； （尤指跳舞或表演时）卖弄 | |
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44
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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45
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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iniquity
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| n.邪恶；不公正 | |
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baton
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| n.乐队用指挥杖 | |
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48
anecdote
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| n.轶事，趣闻，短故事 | |
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49
sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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50
avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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51
stationery
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| n.文具；(配套的)信笺信封 | |
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52
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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53
parvenus
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| n.暴富者( parvenu的名词复数 )；暴发户；新贵；傲慢自负的人 | |
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54
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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55
congregate
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| v.(使)集合，聚集 | |
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56
trumpery
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| n.无价值的杂物；adj.（物品）中看不中用的 | |
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57
censure
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| v./n.责备；非难；责难 | |
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58
malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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deafened
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| 使聋( deafen的过去式和过去分词 )； 使隔音 | |
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incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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eulogy
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| n.颂词；颂扬 | |
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slander
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| n./v.诽谤，污蔑 | |
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64
renown
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| n.声誉，名望 | |
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prospers
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| v.成功，兴旺( prosper的第三人称单数 ) | |
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66
sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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68
depreciated
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| v.贬值，跌价，减价( depreciate的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低，蔑视，轻视 | |
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69
contritely
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70
feuds
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| n.长期不和，世仇( feud的名词复数 ) | |
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hatreds
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| n.仇恨，憎恶( hatred的名词复数 )；厌恶的事 | |
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detraction
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| n.减损；诽谤 | |
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accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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valor
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| n.勇气，英勇 | |
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accusation
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| n.控告，指责，谴责 | |
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