SOME time in the afternoon I raised my head, and looking round and seeing the western sun gilding1 the sign of its decline on the wall, I asked, 'What am I to do?'
But the answer my mind gave- 'Leave Thornfield at once'- was so prompt, so dread2, that I stopped my ears. I said I could not bear such words now. 'That I am not Edward Rochester's bride is the least part of my woe3,' I alleged4: 'that I have wakened out of most glorious dreams, and found them all void and vain, is a horror I could bear and master; but that I must leave him decidedly, instantly, entirely5, is intolerable. I cannot do it.'
But, then, a voice within me averred6 that I could do it and foretold8 that I should do it. I wrestled9 with my own resolution: I wanted to be weak that I might avoid the awful passage of further suffering I saw laid out for me; and Conscience, turned tyrant10, held Passion by the throat, told her tauntingly11, she had yet but dipped her dainty foot in the slough12, and swore that with that arm of iron he would thrust her down to unsounded depths of agony.
'Let me be torn away, then!' I cried. 'Let another help me!'
'No; you shall tear yourself away, none shall help you: you shall yourself pluck out your right eye; yourself cut off your right hand: your heart shall be the victim, and you the priest to transfix it.'
I rose up suddenly, terror-struck at the solitude13 which so ruthless a judge haunted,- at the silence which so awful a voice filled. My head swam as I stood erect14. I perceived that I was sickening from excitement and inanition; neither meat nor drink had passed my lips that day, for I had taken no breakfast. And, with a strange pang15, I now reflected that, long as I had been shut up here, no message had been sent to ask how I was, or to invite me to come down: not even little Adele had tapped at the door; not even Mrs. Fairfax had sought me. 'Friends always forget those whom fortune forsakes,' I murmured, as I undrew the bolt and passed out. I stumbled over an obstacle: my head was still dizzy, my sight was dim, and my limbs were feeble. I could not soon recover myself. I fell, but not on to the ground; an outstretched arm caught me. I looked up- I was supported by Mr. Rochester, who sat in a chair across my chamber16 threshold.
'You come out at last,' he said. 'Well, I have been waiting for you long, and listening: yet not one movement have I heard, nor one sob17: five minutes more of that death-like hush18, and I should have forced the lock like a burglar. So you shun19 me?- you shut yourself up and grieve alone! I would rather you had come and upbraided20 me with vehemence22. You are passionate23: I expected a scene of some kind. I was prepared for the hot rain of tears; only I wanted them to be shed on my breast: now a senseless floor has received them, or your drenched24 handkerchief. But I err7: you have not wept at all! I see a white cheek and a faded eye, but no trace of tears. I suppose, then, your heart has been weeping blood?
'Well, Jane! not a word of reproach? Nothing bitter - nothing poignant26? Nothing to cut a feeling or sting a passion? You sit quietly where I have placed you, and regard me with a weary, passive look.
'Jane, I never meant to wound you thus. If the man who had but one little ewe lamb that was dear to him as a daughter, that ate of his bread and drank of his cup, and lay in his bosom27, had by some mistake slaughtered28 it at the shambles29, he would not have rued30 his bloody32 blunder more than I now rue31 mine. Will you ever forgive me?'
Reader, I forgave him at the moment and on the spot. There was such deep remorse33 in his eye, such true pity in his tone, such manly34 energy in his manner; and besides, there was such unchanged love in his whole look and mien- I forgave him all: yet not in words, not outwardly; only at my heart's core.
'You know I am a scoundrel, Jane?' ere long he inquired wistfully- wondering, I suppose, at my continued silence and tameness, the result rather of weakness than of will.
'Yes, sir.'
'Then tell me so roundly and sharply- don't spare me.'
'I cannot: I am tired and sick. I want some water.' He heaved a sort of shuddering35 sigh, and taking me in his arms, carried me downstairs. At first I did not know to what room he had borne me; all was cloudy to my glazed36 sight: presently I felt the reviving warmth of a fire; for, summer as it was, I had become icy cold in my chamber. He put wine to my lips; I tasted it and revived; then I ate something he offered me, and was soon myself. I was in the library- sitting in his chair- he was quite near. 'If I could go out of life now, without too sharp a pang, it would be well for me,' I thought;
'then I should not have to make the effort of cracking my heart-strings in rending38 them from among Mr. Rochester's. I must leave him, it appears. I do not want to leave him- I cannot leave him.'
'How are you now, Jane?'
'Much better, sir; I shall be well soon.'
'Taste the wine again, Jane.'
I obeyed him; then he put the glass on the table, stood before me, and looked at me attentively39. Suddenly he turned away, with an inarticulate exclamation40, full of passionate emotion of some kind; he walked fast through the room and came back; he stooped towards me as if to kiss me; but I remembered caresses41 were now forbidden. I turned my face away and put his aside.
'What!- How is this?' he exclaimed hastily. 'Oh, I know! you won't kiss the husband of Bertha Mason? You consider my arms filled and my embraces appropriated?'
'At any rate, there is neither room nor claim for me, sir.'
'Why, Jane? I will spare you the trouble of much talking; I will answer for you- Because I have a wife already, you would reply.- I guess rightly?'
'Yes.'
'If you think so, you must have a strange opinion of me; you must regard me as a plotting profligate- a base and low rake who has been simulating disinterested43 love in order to draw you into a snare44 deliberately45 laid, and strip you of honour and rob you of self-respect. What do you say to that? I see you can say nothing: in the first place, you are faint still, and have enough to do to draw your breath; in the second place, you cannot yet accustom46 yourself to accuse and revile47 me, and besides, the flood-gates of tears are opened, and they would rush out if you spoke49 much; and you have no desire to expostulate, to upbraid21, to make a scene: you are thinking how to act- talking you consider is of no use. I know you- I am on my guard.'
'Sir, I do not wish to act against you,' I said; and my unsteady voice warned me to curtail50 my sentence.
'Not in your sense of the word, but in mine you are scheming to destroy me. You have as good as said that I am a married man- as a married man you will shun me, keep out of my way: just now you have refused to kiss me. You intend to make yourself a complete stranger to me: to live under this roof only as Adele's governess; if ever I say a friendly word to you, if ever a friendly feeling inclines you again to me, you will say,- "That man had nearly made me his mistress: I must be ice and rock to him"; and ice and rock you will accordingly become.'
I cleared and steadied my voice to reply: 'All is changed about me, sir; I must change too- there is no doubt of that; and to avoid fluctuations51 of feeling, and continual combats with recollections and associations, there is only one way- Adele must have a new governess, sir.'
'Oh, Adele will go to school- I have settled that already; nor do I mean to torment53 you with the hideous54 associations and recollections of Thornfield Hall- this accursed place- this tent of Achan- this insolent55 vault56, offering the ghastliness of living death to the light of the open sky- this narrow stone hell, with its one real fiend, worse than a legion of such as we imagine. Jane, you shall not stay here, nor will I. I was wrong ever to bring you to Thornfield Hall, knowing as I did how it was haunted. I charged them to conceal57 from you, before I ever saw you, all knowledge of the curse of the place; merely because I feared Adele never would have a governess to stay if she knew with what inmate59 she was housed, and my plans would not permit me to remove the maniac60 elsewhere- though I possess an old house, Ferndean Manor61, even more retired62 and hidden than this, where I could have lodged63 her safely enough, had not a scruple64 about the unhealthiness of the situation, in the heart of a wood, made my conscience recoil65 from the arrangement. Probably those damp walls would soon have eased me of her charge: but to each villain67 his own vice69; and mine is not a tendency to indirect assassination70, even of what I most hate.
'Concealing71 the mad-woman's neighbourhood from you, however, was something like covering a child with a cloak and laying it down near a upas-tree: that demon72's vicinage is poisoned, and always was. But I'll shut up Thornfield Hall: I'll nail up the front door and board the lower windows: I'll give Mrs. Poole two hundred a year to live here with my wife, as you term that fearful hag: Grace will do much for money, and she shall have her son, the keeper at Grimsby Retreat, to bear her company and be at hand to give her aid in the paroxysms, when my wife is prompted by her familiar to burn people in their beds at night, to stab them, to bite their flesh from their bones, and so on-'
'Sir,' I interrupted him, 'you are inexorable for that unfortunate lady: you speak of her with hate- with vindictive74 antipathy75. It is cruel- she cannot help being mad.'
'Jane, my little darling (so I will call you, for so you are), you don't know what you are talking about; you misjudge me again: it is not because she is mad I hate her. If you were mad, do you think I should hate you?'
'I do indeed, sir.'
'Then you are mistaken, and you know nothing about me, and nothing about the sort of love of which I am capable. Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still: if you raved76, my arms should confine you, and not a strait waistcoat- your grasp, even in fury, would have a charm for me: if you flew at me as wildly as that woman did this morning, I should receive you in an embrace, at least as fond as it would be restrictive. I should not shrink from you with disgust as I did from her: in your quiet moments you should have no watcher and no nurse but me; and I could hang over you with untiring tenderness, though you gave me no smile in return; and never weary of gazing into your eyes, though they had no longer a ray of recognition for me.- But why do I follow that train of ideas? I was talking of removing you from Thornfield. All, you know, is prepared for prompt departure: to-morrow you shall go. I only ask you to endure one more night under this roof, Jane; and then, farewell to its miseries77 and terrors for ever! I have a place to repair to, which will be a secure sanctuary78 from hateful reminiscences, from unwelcome intrusion- even from falsehood and slander79.'
'And take Adele with you, sir,' I interrupted; 'she will be a companion for you.'
'What do you mean, Jane? I told you I would send Adele to school; and what do I want with a child for a companion, and not my own child,- a French dancer's bastard80? Why do you importune81 me about her! I say, why do you assign Adele to me for a companion?'
'You spoke of a retirement82, sir; and retirement and solitude are dull: too dull for you.'
'Solitude! solitude!' he reiterated84 with irritation85. 'I see I must come to an explanation. I don't know what sphynx-like expression is forming in your countenance86. You are to share my solitude. Do you understand?'
I shook my head: it required a degree of courage, excited as he was becoming, even to risk that mute sign of dissent87. He had been walking fast about the room, and he stopped, as if suddenly rooted to one spot. He looked at me long and hard: I turned my eyes from him, fixed88 them on the fire, and tried to assume and maintain a quiet, collected aspect.
'Now for the hitch89 in Jane's character,' he said at last, speaking more calmly than from his look I had expected him to speak.
'The reel of silk has run smoothly90 enough so far; but I always knew there would come a knot and a puzzle: here it is. Now for vexation, and exasperation91, and endless trouble! By God! I long to exert a fraction of Samson's strength, and break the entanglement92 like tow!'
He recommenced his walk, but soon again stopped, and this time just before me.
'Jane! will you hear reason?' (he stooped and approached his lips to my ear); 'because, if you won't, I'll try violence. His voice was hoarse93; his look that of a man who is just about to burst an insufferable bond and plunge94 headlong into wild license95. I saw that in another moment, and with one impetus96 of frenzy97 more, I should be able to do nothing with him. The present- the passing second of time- was all I had in which to control and restrain him: a movement of repulsion, flight, fear would have sealed my doom98,- and his. But I was not afraid: not in the least. I felt an inward power; a sense of influence, which supported me. The crisis was perilous99; but not without its charm: such as the Indian, perhaps, feels when he slips over the rapid in his canoe. I took hold of his clenched100 hand, loosened the contorted fingers, and said to him, soothingly-
'Sit down; I'll talk to you as long as you like, and hear all you have to say, whether reasonable or unreasonable101.'
He sat down: but he did not get leave to speak directly. I had been struggling with tears for some time: I had taken great pains to repress them, because I knew he would not like to see me weep. Now, however, I considered it well to let them flow as freely and as long as they liked. If the flood annoyed him, so much the better. So I gave way and cried heartily102.
Soon I heard him earnestly entreating103 me to be composed. I said I could not while he was in such a passion.
'But I am not angry, Jane: I only love you too well; and you had steeled your little pale face with such a resolute104, frozen look, I could not endure it. Hush, now, and wipe your eyes.'
His softened105 voice announced that he was subdued106; so I, in my turn,became calm. Now he made an effort to rest his head on my shoulder, but I would not permit it. Then he would draw me to him: no.
'Jane! Jane!' he said, in such an accent of bitter sadness it thrilled along every nerve I had; 'you don't love me, then? It was only my station, and the rank of my wife, that you valued? Now that you think me disqualified to become your husband, you recoil from my touch as if I were some toad107 or ape.'
These words cut me: yet what could I do or say? I ought probably to have done or said nothing; but I was so tortured by a sense of remorse at thus hurting his feelings, I could not control the wish to drop balm where I had wounded.
'I do love you,' I said, 'more than ever: but I must not show or indulge the feeling: and this is the last time I must express it.'
'The last time, Jane! What! do you think you can live with me, and see me daily, and yet, if you still love me, be always cold and distant?'
'No, sir; that I am certain I could not; and therefore I see there is but one way: but you will be furious if I mention it.'
'Oh, mention it! If I storm, you have the art of weeping.'
'Mr. Rochester, I must leave you.'
'For how long, Jane? For a few minutes, while you smooth your hair- which is somewhat dishevelled; and bathe your face- which looks feverish108?'
'I must leave Adele and Thornfield. I must part with you for my whole life: I must begin a new existence among strange faces and strange scenes.'
'Of course: I told you you should. I pass over the madness about parting from me. You mean you must become a part of me. As to the new existence, it is all right: you shall yet be my wife: I am not married. You shall be Mrs. Rochester- both virtually and nominally109.
I shall keep only to you so long as you and I live. You shall go to a place I have in the south of France: a whitewashed110 villa68 on the shores of the Mediterranean111. There you shall live a happy, and guarded, and most innocent life. Never fear that I wish to lure112 you into error- to make you my mistress. Why did you shake your head?
Jane, you must be reasonable, or in truth I shall again become frantic113.'
His voice and hand quivered: his large nostrils114 dilated115; his eye blazed: still I dared to speak.
'Sir, your wife is living: that is a fact acknowledged this morning by yourself. If I lived with you as you desire, I should then be your mistress: to say otherwise is sophistical- is false.'
'Jane, I am not a gentle-tempered man- you forget that: I am not long-enduring; I am not cool and dispassionate. Out of pity to me and yourself, put your finger on my pulse, feel how it throbs116, and- beware!'
He bared his wrist, and offered it to me: the blood was forsaking117 his cheek and lips, they were growing livid; I was distressed118 on all hands. To agitate119 him thus deeply, by a resistance he so abhorred121, was cruel: to yield was out of the question. I did what human beings do instinctively122 when they are driven to utter extremity- looked for aid to one higher than man: the words 'God help me!' burst involuntarily from my lips.
'I am a fool!' cried Mr. Rochester suddenly. 'I keep telling her I am not married, and do not explain to her why. I forget she knows nothing of the character of that woman, or of the circumstances attending my infernal union with her. Oh, I am certain Jane will agree with me in opinion, when she knows all that I know! Just put your hand in mine, Janet- that I may have the evidence of touch as well as sight, to prove you are near me- and I will in a few words show you the real state of the case. Can you listen to me?'
'Yes, sir; for hours if you will.'
'I ask only minutes. Jane, did you ever hear or know that I was not the eldest123 son of my house: that I had once a brother older than I?'
'I remember Mrs. Fairfax told me so once.'
'And did you ever hear that my father was an avaricious124, grasping man?'
'I have understood something to that effect.'
'Well, Jane, being so, it was his resolution to keep the property together; he could not bear the idea of dividing his estate and leaving me a fair portion: all, he resolved, should go to my brother, Rowland. Yet as little could he endure that a son of his should be a poor man. I must be provided for by a wealthy marriage. He sought me a partner betimes. Mr. Mason, a West India planter and merchant, was his old acquaintance. He was certain his possessions were real and vast: he made inquiries125. Mr. Mason, he found, had a son and daughter; and he learned from him that he could and would give the latter a fortune of thirty thousand pounds: that sufficed. When I left college, I was sent out to Jamaica, to espouse126 a bride already courted for me. My father said nothing about her money; but he told me Miss Mason was the boast of Spanish Town for her beauty: and this was no lie. I found her a fine woman, in the style of Blanche Ingram: tall, dark, and majestic127. Her family wished to secure me because I was of a good race; and so did she. They showed her to me in parties, splendidly dressed. I seldom saw her alone, and had very little private conversation with her. She flattered me, and lavishly128 displayed for my pleasure her charms and accomplishments129. All the men in her circle seemed to admire her and envy me. I was dazzled, stimulated130: my senses were excited; and being ignorant, raw, and inexperienced, I thought I loved her. There is no folly131 so besotted that the idiotic132 rivalries133 of society, the prurience134, the rashness, the blindness of youth, will not hurry a man to its commission. Her relatives encouraged me; competitors piqued135 me; she allured136 me: a marriage was achieved almost before I knew where I was. Oh, I have no respect for myself when I think of that act!- an agony of inward contempt masters me. I never loved, I never esteemed137, I did not even know her. I was not sure of the existence of one virtue138 in her nature:
I had marked neither modesty139, nor benevolence140, nor candour, nor refinement141 in her mind or manners- and, I married her:- gross, grovelling142, mole-eyed blockhead that I was! With less sin I might have- But let me remember to whom I am speaking.
'My bride's mother I had never seen: I understood she was dead. The honeymoon143 over, I learned my mistake; she was only mad, and shut up in a lunatic asylum144. There was a younger brother, too- a complete dumb idiot. The elder one, whom you have seen (and whom I cannot hate, whilst I abhor120 all his kindred, because he has some grains of affection in his feeble mind, shown in the continued interest he takes in his wretched sister, and also in a dog-like attachment145 he once bore me), will probably be in the same state one day. My father and my brother Rowland knew all this; but they thought only of the thirty thousand pounds, and joined in the plot against me.
'These were vile48 discoveries; but except for the treachery of concealment146, I should have made them no subject of reproach to my wife, even when I found her nature wholly alien to mine, her tastes obnoxious147 to me, her cast of mind common, low, narrow, and singularly incapable149 of being led to anything higher, expanded to anything larger- when I found that I could not pass a single evening, nor even a single hour of the day with her in comfort; that kindly150 conversation could not be sustained between us, because whatever topic I started, immediately received from her a turn at once coarse and trite151, perverse152 and imbecile- when I perceived that I should never have a quiet or settled household, because no servant would bear the continued outbreaks of her violent and unreasonable temper, or the vexations of her absurd, contradictory153, exacting154 orders- even then I restrained myself: I eschewed155 upbraiding156, I curtailed157 remonstrance158; I tried to devour159 my repentance160 and disgust in secret; I repressed the deep antipathy I felt.
'Jane, I will not trouble you with abominable161 details: some strong words shall express what I have to say. I lived with that woman upstairs four years, and before that time she had tried me indeed: her character ripened162 and developed with frightful163 rapidity; her vices164 sprang up fast and rank: they were so strong, only cruelty could check them, and I would not use cruelty. What a pigmy intellect she had, and what giant propensities165! How fearful were the curses those propensities entailed166 on me! Bertha Mason, the true daughter of an infamous167 mother, dragged me through all the hideous and degrading agonies which must attend a man bound to a wife at once intemperate168 and unchaste.
'My brother in the interval169 was dead, and at the end of the four years my father died too. I was rich enough now- yet poor to hideous indigence170: a nature the most gross, impure171, depraved I ever saw, was associated with mine, and called by the law and by society a part of me. And I could not rid myself of it by any legal proceedings172: for the doctors now discovered that my wife was mad- her excesses had prematurely173 developed the germs of insanity174. Jane, you don't like my narrative175; you look almost sick- shall I defer176 the rest to another day?'
'No, sir, finish it now; I pity you- I do earnestly pity you.'
'Pity, Jane, from some people is a noxious148 and insulting sort of tribute, which one is justified177 in hurling178 back in the teeth of those who offer it; but that is the sort of pity native to callous179, selfish hearts; it is a hybrid180, egotistical pain at hearing of woes181, crossed with ignorant contempt for those who have endured them. But that is not your pity, Jane; it is not the feeling of which your whole face is full at this moment- with which your eyes are now almost overflowing- with which your heart is heaving- with which your hand is trembling in mine. Your pity, my darling, is the suffering mother of love: its anguish182 is the very natal183 pang of the divine passion. I accept it, Jane; let the daughter have free advent- my arms wait to receive her.'
'Now, sir, proceed; what did you do when you found she was mad?'
'Jane, I approached the verge184 of despair; a remnant of self-respect was all that intervened between me and the gulf185. In the eyes of the world, I was doubtless covered with grimy dishonour186; but I resolved to be clean in my own sight- and to the last I repudiated187 the contamination of her crimes, and wrenched188 myself from connection with her mental defects. Still, society associated my name and person with hers; I yet saw her and heard her daily: something of her breath (faugh!) mixed with the air I breathed; and besides, I remembered I had once been her husband- that recollection was then, and is now, inexpressibly odious189 to me; moreover, I knew that while she lived I could never be the husband of another and better wife; and, though five years my senior (her family and her father had lied to me even in the particular of her age), she was likely to live as long as I, being as robust190 in frame as she was infirm in mind. Thus, at the age of twenty-six, I was hopeless.
'One night I had been awakened191 by her yells- (since the medical men had pronounced her mad, she had, of course, been shut up)- it was a fiery192 West Indian night; one of the description that frequently precede the hurricanes of those climates. Being unable to sleep in bed, I got up and opened the window. The air was like sulphur-steams- I could find no refreshment193 anywhere. Mosquitoes came buzzing in and hummed sullenly194 round the room; the sea, which I could hear from thence, rumbled195 dull like an earthquake- black clouds were casting up over it; the moon was setting in the waves, broad and red, like a hot cannon-ball- she threw her last bloody glance over a world quivering with the ferment196 of tempest. I was physically197 influenced by the atmosphere and scene, and my ears were filled with the curses the maniac still shrieked198 out; wherein she momentarily mingled199 my name with such a tone of demon-hate, with such language!- no professed200 harlot ever had a fouler201 vocabulary than she: though two rooms off, I heard every word- the thin partitions of the West India house opposing but slight obstruction202 to her wolfish cries.
'"This life," said I at last, "is hell: this is the air- those are the sounds of the bottomless pit! I have a right to deliver myself from it if I can. The sufferings of this mortal state will leave me with the heavy flesh that now cumbers my soul. Of the fanatic's burning eternity203 I have no fear: there is not a future state worse than this present one- let me break away, and go home to God!"
'I said this whilst I knelt down at, and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace42 of loaded pistols: I meant to shoot myself. I only entertained the intention for a moment; for, not being insane, the crisis of exquisite205 and unalloyed despair, which had originated the wish and design of self-destruction, was past in a second.
'A wind fresh from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement206: the storm broke, streamed, thundered, blazed, and the air grew pure. I then framed and fixed a resolution. While I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst its drenched pomegranates and pineapples, and while the refulgent207 dawn of the tropics kindled208 round me- I reasoned thus, Jane- and now listen; for it was true Wisdom that consoled me in that hour, and showed me the right path to follow.
'The sweet wind from Europe was still whispering in the refreshed leaves, and the Atlantic was thundering in glorious liberty; my heart, dried up and scorched209 for a long time, swelled210 to the tone, and filled with living blood- my being longed for renewal- my soul thirsted for a pure draught211. I saw hope revive- and felt regeneration possible.
From a flowery arch at the bottom of my garden I gazed over the sea-bluer than the sky: the old world was beyond; clear prospects212 opened thus:-
'"Go," said Hope, "and live again in Europe: there it is not known what a sullied name you bear, nor what a filthy213 burden is bound to you. You may take the maniac with you to England; confine her with due attendance and precautions at Thornfield: then travel yourself to what clime you will, and form what new tie you like.
That woman, who has so abused your long-suffering, so sullied your name, so outraged215 your honour, so blighted216 your youth, is not your wife, nor are you her husband. See that she is cared for as her condition demands, and you have done all that God and humanity require of you. Let her identity, her connection with yourself, be buried in oblivion: you are bound to impart them to no living being. Place her in safety and comfort: shelter her degradation217 with secrecy218, and leave her."
'I acted precisely219 on this suggestion. My father and brother had not made my marriage known to their acquaintance; because, in the very first letter I wrote to apprise220 them of the union- having already begun to experience extreme disgust of its consequences, and, from the family character and constitution, seeing a hideous future opening to me- I added an urgent charge to keep it secret: and very soon the infamous conduct of the wife my father had selected for me was such as to make him blush to own her as his daughter-in-law. Far from desiring to publish the connection, he became as anxious to conceal it as myself.
'To England, then, I conveyed her; a fearful voyage I had with such a monster in the vessel221. Glad was I when I at last got her to Thornfield, and saw her safely lodged in that third storey room, of whose secret inner cabinet she has now for ten years made a wild beast's den- a goblin's cell. I had some trouble in finding an attendant for her, as it was necessary to select one on whose fidelity222 dependence223 could be placed; for her ravings would inevitably224 betray my secret: besides, she had lucid225 intervals226 of days- sometimes weeks- which she filled up with abuse of me. At last I hired Grace Poole from the Grimsby Retreat. She and the surgeon, Carter (who dressed Mason's wounds that night he was stabbed and worried), are the only two I have ever admitted to my confidence. Mrs. Fairfax may indeed have suspected something, but she could have gained no precise knowledge as to facts. Grace has, on the whole, proved a good keeper; though, owing partly to a fault of her own, of which it appears nothing can cure her, and which is incident to her harassing227 profession, her vigilance has been more than once lulled228 and baffled. The lunatic is both cunning and malignant229; she has never failed to take advantage of her guardian's temporary lapses230; once to secrete231 the knife with which she stabbed her brother, and twice to possess herself of the key of her cell, and issue therefrom in the night-time. On the first of these occasions, she perpetrated the attempt to burn me in my bed; on the second, she paid that ghastly visit to you. I thank Providence232, who watched over you, that she then spent her fury on your wedding apparel, which perhaps brought back vague reminiscences of her own bridal days: but on what might have happened, I cannot endure to reflect. When I think of the thing which flew at my throat this morning, hanging its black and scarlet233 visage over the nest of my dove, my blood curdles-'
'And what, sir,' I asked, while he paused, 'did you do when you had settled her here? Where did you go?' 'What did I do, Jane? I transformed myself into a will-o'-the-wisp.
Where did I go? I pursued wanderings as wild as those of the March-spirit. I sought the Continent, and went devious234 through all its lands. My fixed desire was to seek and find a good and intelligent woman, whom I could love: a contrast to the fury I left at Thornfield-'
'But you could not marry, sir.'
'I had determined235 and was convinced that I could and ought. It was not my original intention to deceive, as I have deceived you. I meant to tell my tale plainly, and make my proposals openly: and it appeared to me so absolutely rational that I should be considered free to love and be loved, I never doubted some woman might be found willing and able to understand my case and accept me, in spite of the curse with which I was burdened.'
'Well, sir?'
'When you are inquisitive236, Jane, you always make me smile. You open your eyes like an eager bird, and make every now and then a restless movement, as if answers in speech did not flow fast enough for you, and you wanted to read the tablet of one's heart. But before I go on, tell me what you mean by your "Well, sir?" It is a small phrase very frequent with you; and which many a time has drawn237 me on and on through interminable talk: I don't very well know why.'
'I mean,- What next? How did you proceed? What came of such an event?'
'Precisely! and what do you wish to know now?'
'Whether you found any one you liked: whether you asked her to marry you; and what she said.'
'I can tell you whether I found any one I liked, and whether I asked her to marry me: but what she said is yet to be recorded in the book of Fate. For ten long years I roved about, living first in one capital, then another: sometimes in St. Petersburg; oftener in Paris; occasionally in Rome, Naples, and Florence. Provided with plenty of money and the passport of an old name, I could choose my own society: no circles were closed against me. I sought my ideal of a woman amongst English ladies, French countesses, Italian signoras, and German grafinnen. I could not find her. Sometimes, for a fleeting238 moment, I thought I caught a glance, heard a tone, beheld239 a form, which announced the realisation of my dream: but I was presently undeceived. You are not to suppose that I desired perfection, either of mind or person. I longed only for what suited me- for the antipodes of the Creole: and I longed vainly. Amongst them all I found not one whom, had I been ever so free, I- warned as I was of the risks, the horrors, the loathings of incongruous unions- would have asked to marry me. Disappointment made me reckless. I tried dissipation-never debauchery: that I hated, and hate. That was my Indian Messalina's attribute: rooted disgust at it and her restrained me much, even in pleasure. Any enjoyment240 that bordered on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices, and I eschewed it.
'Yet I could not live alone; so I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first I chose was Celine Varens- another of those steps which make a man spurn241 himself when he recalls them. You already know what she was, and how my liaison242 with her terminated. She had two successors: an Italian, Giacinta, and a German, Clara; both considered singularly handsome. What was their beauty to me in a few weeks?
Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months.
Clara was honest and quiet; but heavy, mindless, and unimpressible: not one whit25 to my taste. I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and so get decently rid of her.
But, Jane, I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable243 opinion of me just now. You think me an unfeeling, loose-principled rake: don't you?'
'I don't like you so well as I have done sometimes, indeed, sir.
Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way, first with one mistress and then another? You talk of it as a mere58 matter of course.'
'It was with me; and I did not like it. It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it. Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading. I now hate the recollection of the time I passed with Celine, Giacinta, and Clara.'
I felt the truth of these words; and I drew from them the certain inference, that if I were so far to forget myself and all the teaching that had ever been instilled244 into me, as- under any pretext- with any justification- through any temptation- to become the successor of these poor girls, he would one day regard me with the same feeling which now in his mind desecrated245 their memory. I did not give utterance246 to this conviction: it was enough to feel it. I impressed it on my heart, that it might remain there to serve me as aid in the time of trial.
'Now, Jane, why don't you say "Well, sir?" I have not done. You are looking grave. You disapprove247 of me still, I see. But let me come to the point. Last January, rid of all mistresses- in a harsh, bitter frame of mind, the result of a useless, roving, lonely life-corroded with disappointment, sourly disposed against all men, and especially against all womankind (for I began to regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream), recalled by business, I came back to England.
'On a frosty winter afternoon, I rode in sight of Thornfield Hall. Abhorred spot! I expected no peace- no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay Lane I saw a quiet little figure sitting by itself. I passed it as negligently248 as I did the pollard willow249 opposite to it: I had no presentiment250 of what it would be to me; no inward warning that the arbitress of my life- my genius for good or evil- waited there in humble251 guise252. I did not know it, even when, on the occasion of Mesrour's accident, it came up and gravely offered me help.
Childish and slender creature! It seemed as if a linnet had hopped253 to my foot and proposed to bear me on its tiny wing. I was surly; but the thing would not go: it stood by me with strange perseverance254, and looked and spoke with a sort of authority. I must be aided, and by that hand: and aided I was.
'When once I had pressed the frail256 shoulder, something new- a fresh sap and sense- stole into my frame. It was well I had learnt that this elf must return to me- that it belonged to my house down below- or I could not have felt it pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without singular regret. I heard you come home that night, Jane, though probably you were not aware that I thought of you or watched for you. The next day I observed you- myself unseen- for half an hour, while you played with Adele in the gallery. It was a snowy day, I recollect52, and you could not go out of doors. I was in my room; the door was ajar: I could both listen and watch. Adele claimed your outward attention for a while; yet I fancied your thoughts were elsewhere: but you were very patient with her, my little Jane; you talked to her and amused her a long time. When at last she left you, you lapsed257 at once into deep reverie: you betook yourself slowly to pace the gallery. Now and then, in passing a casement, you glanced out at the thick-falling snow; you listened to the sobbing258 wind, and again you paced gently on and dreamed. I think those day visions were not dark: there was a pleasurable illumination in your eye occasionally, a soft excitement in your aspect, which told of no bitter, bilious259, hypochondriac brooding: your look revealed rather the sweet musings of youth when its spirit follows on willing wings the flight of Hope up and on to an ideal heaven. The voice of Mrs. Fairfax, speaking to a servant in the hall, wakened you: and how curiously260 you smiled to and at yourself, Janet! There was much sense in your smile: it was very shrewd, and seemed to make light of your own abstraction. It seemed to say- "My fine visions are all very well, but I must not forget they are absolutely unreal. I have a rosy262 sky and a green flowery Eden in my brain; but without, I am perfectly263 aware, lies at my feet a rough tract261 to travel, and around me gather black tempests to encounter."
You ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs. Fairfax some occupation: the weekly house accounts to make up, or something of that sort, I think it was. I was vexed264 with you for getting out of my sight.
'Impatiently I waited for evening, when I might summon you to my presence. An unusual- to me- a perfectly new character I suspected was yours: I desired to search it deeper and know it better. You entered the room with a look and air at once shy and independent: you were quaintly265 dressed- much as you are now. I made you talk: ere long I found you full of strange contrasts. Your garb266 and manner were restricted by rule; your air was often diffident, and altogether that of one refined by nature, but absolutely unused to society, and a good deal afraid of making herself disadvantageously conspicuous267 by some solecism or blunder; yet when addressed, you lifted a keen, a daring, and a glowing eye to your interlocutor's face: there was penetration268 and power in each glance you gave; when plied269 by close questions, you found ready and round answers. Very soon you seemed to get used to me: I believe you felt the existence of sympathy between you and your grim and cross master, Jane; for it was astonishing to see how quickly a certain pleasant ease tranquillised your manner: snarl271 as I would, you showed no surprise, fear, annoyance272, or displeasure at my moroseness273; you watched me, and now and then smiled at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more. Yet, for a long time, I treated you distantly, and sought your company rarely. I was an intellectual epicure274, and wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant275 acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely its bloom would fade- the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem66. Moreover, I wished to see whether you would seek me if I shunned276 you- but you did not; you kept in the schoolroom as still as your own desk and easel; if by chance I met you, you passed me as soon, and with as little token of recognition, as was consistent with respect. Your habitual277 expression in those days, Jane, was a thoughtful look; not despondent278, for you were not sickly; but not buoyant, for you had little hope, and no actual pleasure. I wondered what you thought of me, or if you ever thought of me, and resolved to find this out.
'I resumed my notice of you. There was something glad in your glance, and genial279 in your manner, when you conversed280: I saw you had a social heart; it was the silent schoolroom- it was the tedium281 of your life- that made you mournful. I permitted myself the delight of being kind to you; kindness stirred emotion soon: your face became soft in expression, your tones gentle; I liked my name pronounced by your lips in a grateful happy accent. I used to enjoy a chance meeting with you, Jane, at this time: there was a curious hesitation282 in your manner: you glanced at me with a slight trouble- a hovering283 doubt: you did not know what my caprice might be- whether I was going to play the master and be stern, or the friend and be benignant. I was now too fond of you often to simulate the first whim284; and, when I stretched my hand out cordially, such bloom and light and bliss285 rose to your young, wistful features, I had much ado often to avoid straining you then and there to my heart.'
'Don't talk any more of those days, sir,' I interrupted, furtively286 dashing away some tears from my eyes; his language was torture to me; for I knew what I must do- and do soon- and these reminiscences, and these revelations of his feelings, only made my work more difficult.
'No, Jane,' he returned: 'what necessity is there to dwell on the Past, when the Present is so much surer- the Future so much brighter?'
I shuddered287 to hear the infatuated assertion.
'You see now how the case stands- do you not?' he continued. 'After a youth and manhood passed half in unutterable misery288 and half in dreary289 solitude, I have for the first time found what I can truly love- I have found you. You are my sympathy- my better self- my good angel. I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent290, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling291 in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.
'It was because I felt and knew this, that I resolved to marry you.
To tell me that I had already a wife is empty mockery: you know now that I had but a hideous demon. I was wrong to attempt to deceive you; but I feared a stubbornness that exists in your character. I feared early instilled prejudice: I wanted to have you safe before hazarding confidences. This was cowardly: I should have appealed to your nobleness and magnanimity at first, as I do now- opened to you plainly my life of agony- described to you my hunger and thirst after a higher and worthier292 existence- shown to you, not my resolution (that word is weak), but my resistless bent293 to love faithfully and well, where I am faithfully and well loved in return. Then I should have asked you to accept my pledge of fidelity and to give me yours.
Jane- give it me now.'
A pause.
'Why are you silent, Jane?'
I was experiencing an ordeal294: a hand of fiery iron grasped my vitals. Terrible moment: full of struggle, blackness, burning! Not a human being that ever lived could wish to be loved better than I was loved; and him who thus loved me I absolutely worshipped: and I must renounce295 love and idol296. One drear word comprised my intolerable duty- 'Depart!'
'Jane, you understand what I want of you? Just this promise- "I will be yours, Mr. Rochester."'
'Mr. Rochester, I will not be yours.'
Another long silence.
'Jane!' recommenced he, with a gentleness that broke me down with grief, and turned me stone-cold with ominous297 terror- for this still voice was the pant of a lion rising- 'Jane, do you mean to go one way in the world, and to let me go another?'
'I do.'
'Jane' (bending towards and embracing me), 'do you mean it now?'
'I do.'
'And now?' softly kissing my forehead and cheek.
'I do,' extricating298 myself from restraint rapidly and completely.
'Oh, Jane, this is bitter! This- this is wicked. It would not be wicked to love me.'
'It would to obey you.'
A wild look raised his brows- crossed his features: he rose; but he forbore yet. I laid my hand on the back of a chair for support: I shook, I feared- but I resolved.
'One instant, Jane. Give one glance to my horrible life when you are gone. All happiness will be torn away with you. What then is left?
For a wife I have but the maniac upstairs: as well might you refer me to some corpse299 in yonder churchyard. What shall I do, Jane? Where turn for a companion and for some hope?'
'Do as I do: trust in God and yourself. Believe in heaven. Hope to meet again there.'
'Then you will not yield?'
'No.'
'Then you condemn300 me to live wretched and to die accursed?' His voice rose.
'I advise you to live sinless, and I wish you to die tranquil270.'
'Then you snatch love and innocence301 from me? You fling me back on lust302 for a passion- vice for an occupation?'
'Mr. Rochester, I no more assign this fate to you than I grasp at it for myself. We were born to strive and endure- you as well as I: do so. You will forget me before I forget you.'
'You make me a liar73 by such language: you sully my honour. I declared I could not change: you tell me to my face I shall change soon. And what a distortion in your judgment303, what a perversity304 in your ideas, is proved by your conduct! Is it better to drive a fellow-creature to despair than to transgress305 a mere human law, no man being injured by the breach306? for you have neither relatives nor acquaintances whom you need fear to offend by living with me?'
This was true: and while he spoke my very conscience and reason turned traitors307 against me, and charged me with crime in resisting him. They spoke almost as loud as Feeling: and that clamoured wildly. 'Oh, comply!' it said. 'Think of his misery; think of his danger- look at his state when left alone; remember his headlong nature; consider the recklessness following on despair- soothe308 him; save him; love him; tell him you love him and will be his. Who in the world cares for you? or who will be injured by what you do?'
Still indomitable was the reply- 'I care for myself. The more solitary309, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane204, and not mad- as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent310 are they; inviolate311 they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth- so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane- quite insane: with my veins312 running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.'
I did. Mr. Rochester, reading my countenance, saw I had done so.
His fury was wrought314 to the highest: he must yield to it for a moment, whatever followed; he crossed the floor and seized my arm and grasped my waist. He seemed to devour me with his flaming glance: physically, I felt, at the moment, powerless as stubble exposed to the draught and glow of a furnace: mentally, I still possessed315 my soul, and with it the certainty of ultimate safety. The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter- often an unconscious, but still a truthful316 interpreter- in the eye. My eye rose to his; and while I looked in his fierce face I gave an involuntary sigh; his gripe was painful, and my overtaxed strength almost exhausted317.
'Never,' said he, as he ground his teeth, 'never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable. A mere reed she feels in my hand!' (And he shook me with the force of his hold.) 'I could bend her with my finger and thumb: and what good would it do if I bent, if I uptore, if I crushed her? Consider that eye: consider the resolute, wild, free thing looking out of it, defying me, with more than courage- with a stern triumph. Whatever I do with its cage, I cannot get at it- the savage318, beautiful creature! If I tear, if I rend37 the slight prison, my outrage214 will only let the captive loose. Conqueror319 I might be of the house; but the inmate would escape to heaven before I could call myself possessor of its clay dwelling-place. And it is you, spirit- with will and energy, and virtue and purity- that I want: not alone your brittle320 frame. Of yourself you could come with soft flight and nestle against my heart, if you would: seized against your will, you will elude321 the grasp like an essence- you will vanish ere I inhale322 your fragrance323. Oh! come, Jane, come!'
As he said this, he released me from his clutch, and only looked at me. The look was far worse to resist than the frantic strain: only an idiot, however, would have succumbed324 now. I had dared and baffled his fury; I must elude his sorrow: retired to the door.
'You are going, Jane?'
'I am going, sir.'
'You are leaving me?'
'Yes.'
'You will not come? You will not be my comforter, my rescuer? My deep love, my wild woe, my frantic prayer, are all nothing to you?' What unutterable pathos325 was in his voice! How hard it was to reiterate83 firmly, 'I am going.'
'Jane!'
'Mr. Rochester!'
'Withdraw, then,- I consent; but remember, you leave me here in anguish. Go up to your own room; think over all I have said, and, Jane, cast a glance on my sufferings- think of me.'
He turned away; he threw himself on his face on the sofa. 'Oh, Jane! my hope- my love- my life!' broke in anguish from his lips. Then came a deep, strong sob.
I had already gained the door; but, reader, I walked back- walked back as determinedly326 as I had retreated. I knelt down by him; I turned his face from the cushion to me; I kissed his cheek; I smoothed his hair with my hand.
'God bless you, my dear master!' I said. 'God keep you from harm and wrong- direct you, solace327 you- reward you well for your past kindness to me.'
'Little Jane's love would have been my best reward,' he answered; 'without it, my heart is broken. But Jane will give me her love: yes- nobly, generously.'
Up the blood rushed to his face; forth328 flashed the fire from his eyes; erect he sprang; he held his arms out; but I evaded329 the embrace, and at once quitted the room.
'Farewell!' was the cry of my heart as I left him. Despair added, 'Farewell for ever!'
. . . . . .
That night I never thought to sleep; but a slumber330 fell on me as soon as I lay down in bed. I was transported in thought to the scenes of childhood: I dreamt I lay in the red-room at Gateshead; that the night was dark, and my mind impressed with strange fears. The light that long ago had struck me into syncope, recalled in this vision, seemed glidingly to mount the wall, and tremblingly to pause in the centre of the obscured ceiling. I lifted up my head to look: the roof resolved to clouds, high and dim; the gleam was such as the moon imparts to vapours she is about to sever255. I watched her come- watched with the strangest anticipation331; as though some word of doom were to be written on her disk. She broke forth as never moon yet burst from cloud: a hand first penetrated332 the sable333 folds and waved them away; then, not a moon, but a white human form shone in the azure334, inclining a glorious brow earthward. It gazed and gazed on me. It spoke to my spirit: immeasurably distant was the tone, yet so near, it whispered in my heart-
'My daughter, flee temptation.'
'Mother, I will.'
So I answered after I had waked from the trancelike dream. It was yet night, but July nights are short: soon after midnight, dawn comes.
'It cannot be too early to commence the task I have to fulfil,' thought I. I rose: I was dressed; for I had taken off nothing but my shoes. I knew where to find in my drawers some linen335, a locket, a ring. In seeking these articles, I encountered the beads336 of a pearl necklace Mr. Rochester had forced me to accept a few days ago. I left that; it was not mine: it was the visionary bride's who had melted in air. The other articles I made up in a parcel; my purse, containing twenty shillings (it was all I had), I put in my pocket:
I tied on my straw bonnet337, pinned my shawl, took the parcel and my slippers338, which I would not put on yet, and stole from my room.
'Farewell, kind Mrs. Fairfax!' I whispered, as I glided339 past her door. 'Farewell, my darling Adele! I said, as I glanced towards the nursery. No thought could be admitted of entering to embrace her. I had to deceive a fine ear: for aught I knew it might now be listening.
I would have got past Mr. Rochester's chamber without a pause; but my heart momentarily stopping its beat at that threshold, my foot was forced to stop also. No sleep was there: the inmate was walking restlessly from wall to wall; and again and again he sighed while I listened. There was a heaven- a temporary heaven- in this room for me, if I chose: I had but to go in and to say-
'Mr. Rochester, I will love you and live with you through life till death,' and a fount of rapture340 would spring to my lips. I thought of this.
That kind master, who could not sleep now, was waiting with impatience341 for day. He would send for me in the morning; I should be gone. He would have me sought for: vainly. He would feel himself forsaken342; his love rejected: he would suffer; perhaps grow desperate. I thought of this too. My hand moved towards the lock: I caught it back, and glided on.
Drearily343 I wound my way downstairs: I knew what I had to do, and I did it mechanically. I sought the key of the side-door in the kitchen; I sought, too, a phial of oil and a feather; I oiled the key and the lock. I got some water, I got some bread: for perhaps I should have to walk far; and my strength, sorely shaken of late, must not break down. All this I did without one sound. I opened the door, passed out, shut it softly. Dim dawn glimmered344 in the yard.
The great gates were closed and locked; but a wicket in one of them was only latched345. Through that I departed: it, too, I shut; and now I was out of Thornfield.
A mile off, beyond the fields, lay a road which stretched in the contrary direction to Millcote; a road I had never travelled, but often noticed, and wondered where it led: thither346 I bent my steps.
No reflection was to be allowed now: not one glance was to be cast back; not even one forward. Not one thought was to be given either to the past or to the future. The first was a page so heavenly sweet- so deadly sad- that to read one line of it would dissolve my courage and break down my energy. The last was an awful blank: something like the world when the deluge347 was gone by.
I skirted fields, and hedges, and lanes till after sunrise. I believe it was a lovely summer morning: I know my shoes, which I had put on when I left the house, were soon wet with dew. But I looked neither to rising sun, nor smiling sky, nor wakening nature. He who is taken out to pass through a fair scene to the scaffold, thinks not of the flowers that smile on his road, but of the block and axe-edge; of the disseverment of bone and vein313; of the grave gaping348 at the end: and I thought of drear flight and homeless wandering- and oh! with agony I thought of what I left. I could not help it. I thought of him now- in his room- watching the sunrise; hoping I should soon come to say I would stay with him and be his. I longed to be his; I panted to return: it was not too late; I could yet spare him the bitter pang of bereavement349. As yet my flight, I was sure, was undiscovered. I could go back and be his comforter- his pride; his redeemer from misery, perhaps from ruin. Oh, that fear of his self-abandonment- far worse than my abandonment- how it goaded350 me!
It was a barbed arrow-head in my breast; it tore me when I tried to extract it; it sickened me when remembrance thrust it farther in.
Birds began singing in brake and copse: birds were faithful to their mates; birds were emblems351 of love. What was I? In the midst of my pain of heart and frantic effort of principle, I abhorred myself. I had no solace from self-approbation: none even from self-respect. I had injured- wounded- left my master. I was hateful in my own eyes.
Still I could not turn, nor retrace352 one step. God must have led me on.
As to my own will or conscience, impassioned grief had trampled353 one and stifled354 the other. I was weeping wildly as I walked along my solitary way: fast, fast I went like one delirious355. A weakness, beginning inwardly, extending to the limbs, seized me, and I fell: I lay on the ground some minutes, pressing my face to the wet turf. I had some fear- or hope- that here I should die: but I was soon up; crawling forwards on my hands and knees, and then again raised to my feet- as eager and as determined as ever to reach the road.
When I got there, I was forced to sit to rest me under the hedge; and while I sat, I heard wheels, and saw a coach come on. I stood up and lifted my hand; it stopped. I asked where it was going: the driver named a place a long way off, and where I was sure Mr. Rochester had no connections. I asked for what sum he would take me there; he said thirty shillings; I answered I had but twenty; well, he would try to make it do. He further gave me leave to get into the inside, as the vehicle was empty: I entered, was shut in, and it rolled on its way.
Gentle reader, may you never feel what I then felt! May your eyes never shed such stormy, scalding, heart-wrung tears as poured from mine. May you never appeal to Heaven in prayers so hopeless and so agonised as in that hour left my lips; for never may you, like me, dread to be the instrument of evil to what you wholly love.
下午某个时候，我抬起头来，向四周瞧了瞧，看见西沉的太阳正在墙上涂上金色的落日印记，我问道，“我该怎么办？”
我心灵的回答一一“立即离开桑菲尔德”——是那么及时，又那么可怕，我立即捂住了耳朵。我说，这些话我现在可受不了。“我不当爱德华．罗切斯特先生的新娘，是我痛苦中最小的一部份，”我断言，“我从一场美梦中醒来，发现全是竹篮打水一场空，这种恐惧我既能忍受，也能克服。不过要我义无反顾地马上离他而去却让我受不了，我不能这么做。”
但是，我内心的另一个声音却认为我能这样做，而且预言我应当这么做。我斟酌着这个决定，希望自己软弱些，以躲避已经为我铺下的可怕的痛苦道路。而良心己变成暴君，抓住激情的喉咙，嘲弄地告诉她，她那美丽的脚已经陷入了泥沼，还发誓要用铁臂把她推入深不可测的痛苦深渊。
“那么把我拉走吧！”我嚷道，“让别人来帮助我！”
“不，你得自己挣脱，没有人帮助你。你自己得剜出你的右眼；砍下你的右手，把你的心作为祭品而且要由你这位祭司把它刺穿。
我蓦地站了起来，被如此无情的法官所铸就的孤独，被充斥着如此可怕声音的寂静吓坏了。我站直时只觉得脑袋发晕。我明白自己由于激动和缺乏营养而感到不舒服。那天我没有吃早饭，肉和饮料都没有进过嘴。带着一种莫名的痛苦，我忽然回想起来，尽管我已在这里关了很久，但没有人带口信来问问我怎么样了，或者邀请我下楼去，甚至连阿黛勒也没有来敲我的门，费尔法克斯太太也没有来找我。“朋友们总是忘记那些被命运所抛弃的人，”我咕哝着，一面拉开门闩，走了出去。我在一个什么东西上绊了一下。因为我依然头脑发晕，视觉模糊，四肢无力，所以无法立刻控制住自己。我跌倒了，但没有倒在地上，一只伸出的手抓住了我。我抬起头来。——罗切斯特先生扶着我，他坐在我房门口的一把椅子上。
“你终于出来了，”他说，“是呀，我已经等了你很久了，而且细听着，但既没有听到一点动静，也没有听到一声哭泣，再过五分钟那么死一般的沉寂，我可要像盗贼那样破门而入了。看来，你避开我？——你把自己关起来，独自伤心？我倒情愿你厉声责备我。你易动感情，因此我估计会大闹一场。我准备你热泪如雨，只不过希望它落在我胸膛上，而现在，没有知觉的地板，或是你湿透了的手帕，接受了你的眼泪。可是我错了，你根本没有哭！我看到了白白的脸颊，暗淡的眼睛，却没有泪痕。那么我猜想，你的心一定哭泣着在流血？
“听着，简，没有一句责备的话吗？没有尖刻、辛辣的言词？没有挫伤感情或者打击热情的字眼？你静静地坐在我让你坐的地方，无精打采地看着我。
“简，我决不想这么伤害你，要是某人有一头亲如女儿的母羊，吃他的面包，饮用他的杯子，躺在他怀抱里，而由于某种疏忽，在屠场里宰了它，他对血的错误的悔恨决不会超过我现在的悔恨，你能宽恕我吗？”
读者！——我当时当地就宽恕了他。他的目光隐含着那么深沉的忏悔；语调里透出这样真实的憾意，举止中富有如此男子气的活力。此外，他的整个神态和风度中流露出那么矢志不移的爱情—一我全都宽恕了他，不过没有诉诸语言，没有表露出来，而只是掩藏在心底里。
“你知道我是个恶棍吗，简？”不久他若有所思地问——我想是对我继续缄默令神而感到纳闷，我那种心情是软弱而不是意志力的表现。
“是的，先生。”
“那就直截了当毫不留情地告诉我吧——别姑息我，”
“我不能，我既疲倦又不舒服。我想喝点儿水。”
他颤抖着叹了口气
收听单词发音 |
1
gilding
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| n.贴金箔，镀金 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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3
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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alleged
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| a.被指控的，嫌疑的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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averred
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| v.断言( aver的过去式和过去分词 )；证实；证明…属实；作为事实提出 | |
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err
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| vi.犯错误，出差错 | |
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foretold
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| v.预言，预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wrestled
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| v.（与某人）搏斗( wrestle的过去式和过去分词 )；扭成一团；扭打；（与…）摔跤 | |
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tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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tauntingly
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| 嘲笑地，辱骂地； 嘲骂地 | |
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slough
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| v.蜕皮，脱落，抛弃 | |
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13
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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18
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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19
shun
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| vt.避开，回避，避免 | |
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upbraided
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| v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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upbraid
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| v.斥责，责骂，责备 | |
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22
vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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24
drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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25
whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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slaughtered
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| v.屠杀，杀戮，屠宰( slaughter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29
shambles
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| n.混乱之处；废墟 | |
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30
rued
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| v.对…感到后悔( rue的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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shuddering
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| v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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glazed
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| adj.光滑的，像玻璃的；上过釉的；呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式)；上釉于，上光；（目光）变得呆滞无神 | |
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rend
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| vt.把…撕开，割裂；把…揪下来，强行夺取 | |
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rending
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| v.撕碎( rend的现在分词 )；分裂；（因愤怒、痛苦等而）揪扯（衣服或头发等）；（声音等）刺破 | |
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attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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42
brace
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| n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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44
snare
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| n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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46
accustom
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| vt.使适应，使习惯 | |
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47
revile
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| v.辱骂，谩骂 | |
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48
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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49
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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50
curtail
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| vt.截短，缩短；削减 | |
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51
fluctuations
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| 波动，涨落，起伏( fluctuation的名词复数 ) | |
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52
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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53
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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54
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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55
insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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56
vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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57
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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58
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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59
inmate
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| n.被收容者；(房屋等的)居住人；住院人 | |
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60
maniac
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| n.精神癫狂的人；疯子 | |
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61
manor
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| n.庄园，领地 | |
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62
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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63
lodged
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| v.存放( lodge的过去式和过去分词 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属 | |
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64
scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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65
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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66
gem
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| n.宝石，珠宝；受爱戴的人 [同]jewel | |
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67
villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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68
villa
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| n.别墅，城郊小屋 | |
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69
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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70
assassination
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| n.暗杀；暗杀事件 | |
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71
concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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72
demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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73
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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74
vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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75
antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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76
raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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77
miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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78
sanctuary
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| n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区 | |
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79
slander
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| n./v.诽谤，污蔑 | |
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80
bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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81
importune
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| v.强求；不断请求 | |
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82
retirement
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| n.退休，退职 | |
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83
reiterate
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| v.重申，反复地说 | |
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84
reiterated
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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85
irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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86
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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87
dissent
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| n./v.不同意，持异议 | |
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88
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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89
hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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90
smoothly
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| adv.平滑地，顺利地，流利地，流畅地 | |
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91
exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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92
entanglement
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| n.纠缠，牵累 | |
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93
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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94
plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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95
license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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impetus
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| n.推动，促进，刺激；推动力 | |
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97
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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98
doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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99
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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100
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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101
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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102
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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103
entreating
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的现在分词 ) | |
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104
resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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105
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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106
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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107
toad
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
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108
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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109
nominally
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| 在名义上，表面地； 应名儿 | |
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110
whitewashed
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| 粉饰，美化，掩饰( whitewash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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111
Mediterranean
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| adj.地中海的；地中海沿岸的 | |
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112
lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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113
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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114
nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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115
dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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116
throbs
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| 体内的跳动( throb的名词复数 ) | |
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117
forsaking
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| 放弃( forsake的现在分词 )； 弃绝； 抛弃； 摒弃 | |
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118
distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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119
agitate
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| vi.(for,against)煽动，鼓动；vt.搅动 | |
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120
abhor
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| v.憎恶；痛恨 | |
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121
abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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122
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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123
eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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124
avaricious
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| adj.贪婪的，贪心的 | |
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125
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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126
espouse
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| v.支持，赞成，嫁娶 | |
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127
majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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128
lavishly
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| adv.慷慨地，大方地 | |
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129
accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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130
stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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131
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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132
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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133
rivalries
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| n.敌对，竞争，对抗( rivalry的名词复数 ) | |
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134
prurience
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| n.好色；迷恋；淫欲；（焦躁等的）渴望 | |
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135
piqued
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| v.伤害…的自尊心( pique的过去式和过去分词 )；激起（好奇心） | |
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136
allured
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| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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137
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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138
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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139
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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140
benevolence
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| n.慈悲，捐助 | |
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141
refinement
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| n.文雅；高尚；精美；精制；精炼 | |
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142
grovelling
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| adj.卑下的，奴颜婢膝的v.卑躬屈节，奴颜婢膝( grovel的现在分词 )；趴 | |
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143
honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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144
asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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145
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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146
concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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147
obnoxious
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| adj.极恼人的，讨人厌的，可憎的 | |
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148
noxious
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| adj.有害的，有毒的；使道德败坏的，讨厌的 | |
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149
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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150
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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151
trite
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| adj.陈腐的 | |
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152
perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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153
contradictory
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| adj.反驳的，反对的，抗辩的；n.正反对，矛盾对立 | |
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154
exacting
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| adj.苛求的，要求严格的 | |
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155
eschewed
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| v.（尤指为道德或实际理由而）习惯性避开，回避( eschew的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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156
upbraiding
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| adj.& n.谴责（的）v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的现在分词 ) | |
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157
curtailed
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| v.截断，缩短( curtail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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158
remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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159
devour
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| v.吞没；贪婪地注视或谛听，贪读；使着迷 | |
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160
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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161
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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162
ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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163
frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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164
vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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165
propensities
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| n.倾向，习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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166
entailed
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| 使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 )； 需要； 限定继承； 使必需 | |
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167
infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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168
intemperate
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| adj.无节制的，放纵的 | |
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169
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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170
indigence
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| n.贫穷 | |
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171
impure
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| adj.不纯净的，不洁的；不道德的，下流的 | |
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172
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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173
prematurely
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| adv.过早地，贸然地 | |
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174
insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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175
narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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176
defer
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| vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从 | |
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177
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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178
hurling
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| n.爱尔兰式曲棍球v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的现在分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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179
callous
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| adj.无情的，冷淡的，硬结的，起老茧的 | |
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180
hybrid
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| n.(动，植）杂种，混合物 | |
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181
woes
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| 困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉 | |
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182
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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183
natal
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| adj.出生的，先天的 | |
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184
verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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185
gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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186
dishonour
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|
| n./vt.拒付（支票、汇票、票据等）；vt.凌辱，使丢脸；n.不名誉，耻辱，不光彩 | |
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187
repudiated
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|
| v.（正式地）否认( repudiate的过去式和过去分词 )；拒绝接受；拒绝与…往来；拒不履行（法律义务） | |
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188
wrenched
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| v.（猛力地）扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 )；扭伤；使感到痛苦；使悲痛 | |
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189
odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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190
robust
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| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
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191
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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192
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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193
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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194
sullenly
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| 不高兴地，绷着脸，忧郁地 | |
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195
rumbled
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| 发出隆隆声，发出辘辘声( rumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 轰鸣着缓慢行进； 发现…的真相； 看穿（阴谋） | |
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196
ferment
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| vt.使发酵；n./vt.（使）激动，（使）动乱 | |
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197
physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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198
shrieked
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| v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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199
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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200
professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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201
fouler
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| adj.恶劣的( foul的比较级 )；邪恶的；难闻的；下流的 | |
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202
obstruction
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| n.阻塞，堵塞；障碍物 | |
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203
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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204
sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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205
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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206
casement
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| n.竖铰链窗；窗扉 | |
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207
refulgent
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| adj.辉煌的，灿烂的 | |
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208
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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209
scorched
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| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
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210
swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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211
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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212
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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213
filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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214
outrage
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| n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒 | |
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215
outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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216
blighted
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| adj.枯萎的，摧毁的 | |
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217
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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218
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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219
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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220
apprise
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| vt.通知，告知 | |
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221
vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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222
fidelity
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| n.忠诚，忠实；精确 | |
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223
dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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224
inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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225
lucid
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| adj.明白易懂的，清晰的，头脑清楚的 | |
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226
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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227
harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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228
lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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229
malignant
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| adj.恶性的，致命的；恶意的，恶毒的 | |
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230
lapses
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| n.失误，过失( lapse的名词复数 )；小毛病；行为失检；偏离正道v.退步( lapse的第三人称单数 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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231
secrete
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| vt.分泌；隐匿，使隐秘 | |
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232
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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233
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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234
devious
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| adj.不坦率的，狡猾的；迂回的，曲折的 | |
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235
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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236
inquisitive
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| adj.求知欲强的，好奇的，好寻根究底的 | |
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237
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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238
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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239
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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240
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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241
spurn
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| v.拒绝，摈弃；n.轻视的拒绝；踢开 | |
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242
liaison
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| n.联系，（未婚男女间的）暖昧关系，私通 | |
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243
favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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244
instilled
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| v.逐渐使某人获得（某种可取的品质），逐步灌输( instill的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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245
desecrated
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| 毁坏或亵渎( desecrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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246
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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247
disapprove
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| v.不赞成，不同意，不批准 | |
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248
negligently
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249
willow
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| n.柳树 | |
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250
presentiment
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| n.预感，预觉 | |
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251
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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252
guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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253
hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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254
perseverance
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| n.坚持不懈，不屈不挠 | |
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255
sever
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| v.切开，割开；断绝，中断 | |
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256
frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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257
lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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258
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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259
bilious
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| adj.胆汁过多的；易怒的 | |
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260
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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261
tract
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| n.传单，小册子，大片(土地或森林) | |
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262
rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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263
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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264
vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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265
quaintly
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| adv.古怪离奇地 | |
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266
garb
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| n.服装，装束 | |
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267
conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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268
penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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269
plied
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| v.使用（工具）( ply的过去式和过去分词 )；经常供应（食物、饮料）；固定往来；经营生意 | |
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270
tranquil
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| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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271
snarl
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| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
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272
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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273
moroseness
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274
epicure
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| n.行家，美食家 | |
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275
piquant
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| adj.辛辣的，开胃的，令人兴奋的 | |
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276
shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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277
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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278
despondent
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| adj.失望的，沮丧的，泄气的 | |
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279
genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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280
conversed
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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281
tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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282
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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283
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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284
whim
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| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
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285
bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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286
furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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287
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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288
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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289
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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290
fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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291
kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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292
worthier
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| 应得某事物( worthy的比较级 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征 | |
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293
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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294
ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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295
renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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296
idol
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| n.偶像，红人，宠儿 | |
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297
ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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298
extricating
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的现在分词 ) | |
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299
corpse
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| n.尸体，死尸 | |
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300
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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301
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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302
lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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303
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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304
perversity
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| n.任性；刚愎自用 | |
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305
transgress
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| vt.违反，逾越 | |
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306
breach
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|
| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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307
traitors
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|
| 卖国贼( traitor的名词复数 )； 叛徒； 背叛者； 背信弃义的人 | |
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308
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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309
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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310
stringent
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| adj.严厉的；令人信服的；银根紧的 | |
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311
inviolate
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|
| adj.未亵渎的，未受侵犯的 | |
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312
veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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313
vein
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| n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络 | |
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314
wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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315
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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316
truthful
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|
| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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317
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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318
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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319
conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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320
brittle
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| adj.易碎的；脆弱的；冷淡的；(声音)尖利的 | |
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321
elude
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| v.躲避，困惑 | |
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322
inhale
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| v.吸入(气体等)，吸(烟) | |
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323
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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324
succumbed
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| 不再抵抗（诱惑、疾病、攻击等）( succumb的过去式和过去分词 )； 屈从； 被压垮； 死 | |
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325
pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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326
determinedly
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| adv.决意地；坚决地，坚定地 | |
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327
solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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328
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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329
evaded
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| 逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 )； 避开； 回避； 想不出 | |
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330
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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331
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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332
penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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333
sable
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| n.黑貂；adj.黑色的 | |
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334
azure
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| adj.天蓝色的，蔚蓝色的 | |
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335
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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336
beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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337
bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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338
slippers
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| n. 拖鞋 | |
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339
glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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340
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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341
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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342
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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343
drearily
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| 沉寂地，厌倦地，可怕地 | |
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344
glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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345
latched
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| v.理解( latch的过去式和过去分词 )；纠缠；用碰锁锁上（门等）；附着（在某物上） | |
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346
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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347
deluge
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| n./vt.洪水，暴雨，使泛滥 | |
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348
gaping
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| adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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349
bereavement
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| n.亲人丧亡，丧失亲人，丧亲之痛 | |
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350
goaded
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|
| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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351
emblems
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| n.象征，标记( emblem的名词复数 ) | |
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352
retrace
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| v.折回；追溯，探源 | |
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353
trampled
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|
| 踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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354
stifled
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|
| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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355
delirious
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|
| adj.不省人事的，神智昏迷的 | |
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