So the Marsh was shut off from Ilkeston, and enclosed in the small valley bed, which ended in a bushy hill and the village spire3 of Cossethay.
The Brangwens received a fair sum of money from this trespass4 across their land. Then, a short time afterwards, a colliery was sunk on the other side of the canal, and in a while the Midland Railway came down the valley at the foot of the Ilkeston hill, and the invasion was complete. The town grew rapidly, the Brangwens were kept busy producing supplies, they became richer, they were almost tradesmen.
Still the Marsh remained remote and original, on the old, quiet side of the canal embankment, in the sunny valley where slow water wound along in company of stiff alders5, and the road went under ash-trees past the Brangwens’ garden gate.
But, looking from the garden gate down the road to the right, there, through the dark archway of the canal’s square aqueduct, was a colliery spinning away in the near distance, and further, red, crude houses plastered on the valley in masses, and beyond all, the dim smoking hill of the town.
The homestead was just on the safe side of civilisation7, outside the gate. The house stood bare from the road, approached by a straight garden path, along which at spring the daffodils were thick in green and yellow. At the sides of the house were bushes of lilac and guelder-rose and privet, entirely8 hiding the farm buildings behind.
At the back a confusion of sheds spread into the home-close from out of two or three indistinct yards. The duck-pond lay beyond the furthest wall, littering its white feathers on the padded earthen banks, blowing its stray soiled feathers into the grass and the gorse bushes below the canal embankment, which rose like a high rampart near at hand, so that occasionally a man’s figure passed in silhouette9, or a man and a towing horse traversed the sky.
At first the Brangwens were astonished by all this commotion10 around them. The building of a canal across their land made them strangers in their own place, this raw bank of earth shutting them off disconcerted them. As they worked in the fields, from beyond the now familiar embankment came the rhythmic11 run of the winding12 engines, startling at first, but afterwards a narcotic13 to the brain. Then the shrill14 whistle of the trains re-echoed through the heart, with fearsome pleasure, announcing the far-off come near and imminent15.
As they drove home from town, the farmers of the land met the blackened colliers trooping from the pit-mouth. As they gathered the harvest, the west wind brought a faint, sulphurous smell of pit-refuse burning. As they pulled the turnips17 in November, the sharp clink-clink-clink-clink-clink of empty trucks shunting on the line, vibrated in their hearts with the fact of other activity going on beyond them.
The Alfred Brangwen of this period had married a woman from Heanor, a daughter of the “Black Horse”. She was a slim, pretty, dark woman, quaint18 in her speech, whimsical, so that the sharp things she said did not hurt. She was oddly a thing to herself, rather querulous in her manner, but intrinsically separate and indifferent, so that her long lamentable19 complaints, when she raised her voice against her husband in particular and against everybody else after him, only made those who heard her wonder and feel affectionately towards her, even while they were irritated and impatient with her. She railed long and loud about her husband, but always with a balanced, easy-flying voice and a quaint manner of speech that warmed his belly20 with pride and male triumph while he scowled21 with mortification22 at the things she said.
Consequently Brangwen himself had a humorous puckering23 at the eyes, a sort of fat laugh, very quiet and full, and he was spoilt like a lord of creation. He calmly did as he liked, laughed at their railing, excused himself in a teasing tone that she loved, followed his natural inclinations25, and sometimes, pricked26 too near the quick, frightened and broke her by a deep, tense fury which seemed to fix on him and hold him for days, and which she would give anything to placate27 in him. They were two very separate beings, vitally connected, knowing nothing of each other, yet living in their separate ways from one root.
There were four sons and two daughters. The eldest28 boy ran away early to sea, and did not come back. After this the mother was more the node and centre of attraction in the home. The second boy, Alfred, whom the mother admired most, was the most reserved. He was sent to school in Ilkeston and made some progress. But in spite of his dogged, yearning29 effort, he could not get beyond the rudiments30 of anything, save of drawing. At this, in which he had some power, he worked, as if it were his hope. After much grumbling31 and savage32 rebellion against everything, after much trying and shifting about, when his father was incensed33 against him and his mother almost despairing, he became a draughtsman in a lace-factory in Nottingham.
He remained heavy and somewhat uncouth34, speaking with broad Derbyshire accent, adhering with all his tenacity35 to his work and to his town position, making good designs, and becoming fairly well-off. But at drawing, his hand swung naturally in big, bold lines, rather lax, so that it was cruel for him to pedgill away at the lace designing, working from the tiny squares of his paper, counting and plotting and niggling. He did it stubbornly, with anguish36, crushing the bowels37 within him, adhering to his chosen lot whatever it should cost. And he came back into life set and rigid38, a rare-spoken, almost surly man.
He married the daughter of a chemist, who affected40 some social superiority, and he became something of a snob41, in his dogged fashion, with a passion for outward refinement42 in the household, mad when anything clumsy or gross occurred. Later, when his three children were growing up, and he seemed a staid, almost middle-aged43 man, he turned after strange women, and became a silent, inscrutable follower44 of forbidden pleasure, neglecting his indignant bourgeois45 wife without a qualm.
Frank, the third son, refused from the first to have anything to do with learning. From the first he hung round the slaughter-house which stood away in the third yard at the back of the farm. The Brangwens had always killed their own meat, and supplied the neighbourhood. Out of this grew a regular butcher’s business in connection with the farm.
As a child Frank had been drawn46 by the trickle47 of dark blood that ran across the pavement from the slaughter-house to the crew-yard, by the sight of the man carrying across to the meat-shed a huge side of beef, with the kidneys showing, embedded48 in their heavy laps of fat.
He was a handsome lad with soft brown hair and regular features something like a later Roman youth. He was more easily excitable, more readily carried away than the rest, weaker in character. At eighteen he married a little factory girl, a pale, plump, quiet thing with sly eyes and a wheedling49 voice, who insinuated51 herself into him and bore him a child every year and made a fool of him. When he had taken over the butchery business, already a growing callousness52 to it, and a sort of contempt made him neglectful of it. He drank, and was often to be found in his public house blathering away as if he knew everything, when in reality he was a noisy fool.
Of the daughters, Alice, the elder, married a collier and lived for a time stormily in Ilkeston, before moving away to Yorkshire with her numerous young family. Effie, the younger, remained at home.
The last child, Tom, was considerably53 younger than his brothers, so had belonged rather to the company of his sisters. He was his mother’s favourite. She roused herself to determination, and sent him forcibly away to a grammar-school in Derby when he was twelve years old. He did not want to go, and his father would have given way, but Mrs. Brangwen had set her heart on it. Her slender, pretty, tightly-covered body, with full skirts, was now the centre of resolution in the house, and when she had once set upon anything, which was not often, the family failed before her.
So Tom went to school, an unwilling54 failure from the first. He believed his mother was right in decreeing school for him, but he knew she was only right because she would not acknowledge his constitution. He knew, with a child’s deep, instinctive55 foreknowledge of what is going to happen to him, that he would cut a sorry figure at school. But he took the infliction56 as inevitable57, as if he were guilty of his own nature, as if his being were wrong, and his mother’s conception right. If he could have been what he liked, he would have been that which his mother fondly but deludedly58 hoped he was. He would have been clever, and capable of becoming a gentleman. It was her aspiration59 for him, therefore he knew it as the true aspiration for any boy. But you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, as he told his mother very early, with regard to himself; much to her mortification and chagrin60.
When he got to school, he made a violent struggle against his physical inability to study. He sat gripped, making himself pale and ghastly in his effort to concentrate on the book, to take in what he had to learn. But it was no good. If he beat down his first repulsion, and got like a suicide to the stuff, he went very little further. He could not learn deliberately61. His mind simply did not work.
In feeling he was developed, sensitive to the atmosphere around him, brutal62 perhaps, but at the same time delicate, very delicate. So he had a low opinion of himself. He knew his own limitation. He knew that his brain was a slow hopeless good-for-nothing. So he was humble63.
But at the same time his feelings were more discriminating64 than those of most of the boys, and he was confused. He was more sensuously65 developed, more refined in instinct than they. For their mechanical stupidity he hated them, and suffered cruel contempt for them. But when it came to mental things, then he was at a disadvantage. He was at their mercy. He was a fool. He had not the power to controvert66 even the most stupid argument, so that he was forced to admit things he did not in the least believe. And having admitted them, he did not know whether he believed them or not; he rather thought he did.
But he loved anyone who could convey enlightenment to him through feeling. He sat betrayed with emotion when the teacher of literature read, in a moving fashion, Tennyson’s “Ulysses”, or Shelley’s “Ode to the West Wind”. His lips parted, his eyes filled with a strained, almost suffering light. And the teacher read on, fired by his power over the boy. Tom Brangwen was moved by this experience beyond all calculation, he almost dreaded68 it, it was so deep. But when, almost secretly and shamefully69, he came to take the book himself, and began the words “Oh wild west wind, thou breath of autumn’s being,” the very fact of the print caused a prickly sensation of repulsion to go over his skin, the blood came to his face, his heart filled with a bursting passion of rage and incompetence70. He threw the book down and walked over it and went out to the cricket field. And he hated books as if they were his enemies. He hated them worse than ever he hated any person.
He could not voluntarily control his attention. His mind had no fixed71 habits to go by, he had nothing to get hold of, nowhere to start from. For him there was nothing palpable, nothing known in himself, that he could apply to learning. He did not know how to begin. Therefore he was helpless when it came to deliberate understanding or deliberate learning.
He had an instinct for mathematics, but if this failed him, he was helpless as an idiot. So that he felt that the ground was never sure under his feet, he was nowhere. His final downfall was his complete inability to attend to a question put without suggestion. If he had to write a formal composition on the Army, he did at last learn to repeat the few facts he knew: “You can join the army at eighteen. You have to be over five foot eight.” But he had all the time a living conviction that this was a dodge73 and that his common-places were beneath contempt. Then he reddened furiously, felt his bowels sink with shame, scratched out what he had written, made an agonised effort to think of something in the real composition style, failed, became sullen74 with rage and humiliation75, put the pen down and would have been torn to pieces rather than attempt to write another word.
He soon got used to the Grammar School, and the Grammar School got used to him, setting him down as a hopeless duffer at learning, but respecting him for a generous, honest nature. Only one narrow, domineering fellow, the Latin master, bullied76 him and made the blue eyes mad with shame and rage. There was a horrid77 scene, when the boy laid open the master’s head with a slate78, and then things went on as before. The teacher got little sympathy. But Brangwen winced79 and could not bear to think of the deed, not even long after, when he was a grown man.
He was glad to leave school. It had not been unpleasant, he had enjoyed the companionship of the other youths, or had thought he enjoyed it, the time had passed very quickly, in endless activity. But he knew all the time that he was in an ignominious80 position, in this place of learning. He was aware of failure all the while, of incapacity. But he was too healthy and sanguine81 to be wretched, he was too much alive. Yet his soul was wretched almost to hopelessness.
He had loved one warm, clever boy who was frail82 in body, a consumptive type. The two had had an almost classic friendship, David and Jonathan, wherein Brangwen was the Jonathan, the server. But he had never felt equal with his friend, because the other’s mind outpaced his, and left him ashamed, far in the rear. So the two boys went at once apart on leaving school. But Brangwen always remembered his friend that had been, kept him as a sort of light, a fine experience to remember.
Tom Brangwen was glad to get back to the farm, where he was in his own again. “I have got a turnip16 on my shoulders, let me stick to th’ fallow,” he said to his exasperated83 mother. He had too low an opinion of himself. But he went about at his work on the farm gladly enough, glad of the active labour and the smell of the land again, having youth and vigour84 and humour, and a comic wit, having the will and the power to forget his own shortcomings, finding himself violent with occasional rages, but usually on good terms with everybody and everything.
When he was seventeen, his father fell from a stack and broke his neck. Then the mother and son and daughter lived on at the farm, interrupted by occasional loud-mouthed lamenting85, jealous-spirited visitations from the butcher Frank, who had a grievance86 against the world, which he felt was always giving him less than his dues. Frank was particularly against the young Tom, whom he called a mardy baby, and Tom returned the hatred87 violently, his face growing red and his blue eyes staring. Effie sided with Tom against Frank. But when Alfred came, from Nottingham, heavy jowled and lowering, speaking very little, but treating those at home with some contempt, Effie and the mother sided with him and put Tom into the shade. It irritated the youth that his elder brother should be made something of a hero by the women, just because he didn’t live at home and was a lace-designer and almost a gentleman. But Alfred was something of a Prometheus Bound, so the women loved him. Tom came later to understand his brother better.
As youngest son, Tom felt some importance when the care of the farm devolved on to him. He was only eighteen, but he was quite capable of doing everything his father had done. And of course, his mother remained as centre to the house.
The young man grew up very fresh and alert, with zest88 for every moment of life. He worked and rode and drove to market, he went out with companions and got tipsy occasionally and played skittles and went to the little travelling theatres. Once, when he was drunk at a public house, he went upstairs with a prostitute who seduced89 him. He was then nineteen.
The thing was something of a shock to him. In the close intimacy90 of the farm kitchen, the woman occupied the supreme91 position. The men deferred92 to her in the house, on all household points, on all points of morality and behaviour. The woman was the symbol for that further life which comprised religion and love and morality. The men placed in her hands their own conscience, they said to her “Be my conscience-keeper, be the angel at the doorway93 guarding my outgoing and my incoming.” And the woman fulfilled her trust, the men rested implicitly94 in her, receiving her praise or her blame with pleasure or with anger, rebelling and storming, but never for a moment really escaping in their own souls from her prerogative95. They depended on her for their stability. Without her, they would have felt like straws in the wind, to be blown hither and thither96 at random97. She was the anchor and the security, she was the restraining hand of God, at times highly to be execrated98.
Now when Tom Brangwen, at nineteen, a youth fresh like a plant, rooted in his mother and his sister, found that he had lain with a prostitute woman in a common public house, he was very much startled. For him there was until that time only one kind of woman-his mother and sister.
But now? He did not know what to feel. There was a slight wonder, a pang99 of anger, of disappointment, a first taste of ash and of cold fear lest this was all that would happen, lest his relations with woman were going to be no more than this nothingness; there was a slight sense of shame before the prostitute, fear that she would despise him for his inefficiency100; there was a cold distaste for her, and a fear of her; there was a moment of paralysed horror when he felt he might have taken a disease from her; and upon all this startled tumult101 of emotion, was laid the steadying hand of common sense, which said it did not matter very much, so long as he had no disease. He soon recovered balance, and really it did not matter so very much.
But it had shocked him, and put a mistrust into his heart, and emphasised his fear of what was within himself. He was, however, in a few days going about again in his own careless, happy-go-lucky fashion, his blue eyes just as clear and honest as ever, his face just as fresh, his appetite just as keen.
Or apparently102 so. He had, in fact, lost some of his buoyant confidence, and doubt hindered his outgoing.
For some time after this, he was quieter, more conscious when he drank, more backward from companionship. The disillusion103 of his first carnal contact with woman, strengthened by his innate105 desire to find in a woman the embodiment of all his inarticulate, powerful religious impulses, put a bit in his mouth. He had something to lose which he was afraid of losing, which he was not sure even of possessing. This first affair did not matter much: but the business of love was, at the bottom of his soul, the most serious and terrifying of all to him.
He was tormented106 now with sex desire, his imagination reverted108 always to lustful109 scenes. But what really prevented his returning to a loose woman, over and above the natural squeamishness, was the recollection of the paucity110 of the last experience. It had been so nothing, so dribbling111 and functional112, that he was ashamed to expose himself to the risk of a repetition of it.
He made a strong, instinctive fight to retain his native cheerfulness unimpaired. He had naturally a plentiful113 stream of life and humour, a sense of sufficiency and exuberance114, giving ease. But now it tended to cause tension. A strained light came into his eyes, he had a slight knitting of the brows. His boisterous115 humour gave place to lowering silences, and days passed by in a sort of suspense116.
He did not know there was any difference in him, exactly; for the most part he was filled with slow anger and resentment117. But he knew he was always thinking of women, or a woman, day in, day out, and that infuriated him. He could not get free: and he was ashamed. He had one or two sweethearts, starting with them in the hope of speedy development. But when he had a nice girl, he found that he was incapable118 of pushing the desired development. The very presence of the girl beside him made it impossible. He could not think of her like that, he could not think of her actual nakedness. She was a girl and he liked her, and dreaded violently even the thought of uncovering her. He knew that, in these last issues of nakedness, he did not exist to her nor she to him. Again, if he had a loose girl, and things began to develop, she offended him so deeply all the time, that he never knew whether he was going to get away from her as quickly as possible, or whether he were going to take her out of inflamed119 necessity. Again he learnt his lesson: if he took her it was a paucity which he was forced to despise. He did not despise himself nor the girl. But he despised the net result in him of the experience-he despised it deeply and bitterly.
Then, when he was twenty-three, his mother died, and he was left at home with Effie. His mother’s death was another blow out of the dark. He could not understand it, he knew it was no good his trying. One had to submit to these unforeseen blows that come unawares and leave a bruise121 that remains122 and hurts whenever it is touched. He began to be afraid of all that which was up against him. He had loved his mother.
After this, Effie and he quarrelled fiercely. They meant a very great deal to each other, but they were both under a strange, unnatural123 tension. He stayed out of the house as much as possible. He got a special corner for himself at the “Red Lion” at Cossethay, and became a usual figure by the fire, a fresh, fair young fellow with heavy limbs and head held back, mostly silent, though alert and attentive124, very hearty125 in his greeting of everybody he knew, shy of strangers. He teased all the women, who liked him extremely, and he was very attentive to the talk of the men, very respectful.
To drink made him quickly flush very red in the face, and brought out the look of self-consciousness and unsureness, almost bewilderment, in his blue eyes. When he came home in this state of tipsy confusion his sister hated him and abused him, and he went off his head, like a mad bull with rage.
He had still another turn with a light-o’-love. One Whitsuntide he went a jaunt126 with two other young fellows, on horseback, to Matlock and thence to Bakewell. Matlock was at that time just becoming a famous beauty-spot, visited from Manchester and from the Staffordshire towns. In the hotel where the young men took lunch, were two girls, and the parties struck up a friendship.
The Miss who made up to Tom Brangwen, then twenty-four years old, was a handsome, reckless girl neglected for an afternoon by the man who had brought her out. She saw Brangwen and liked him, as all women did, for his warmth and his generous nature, and for the innate delicacy127 in him. But she saw he was one who would have to be brought to the scratch. However, she was roused and unsatisfied and made mischievous128, so she dared anything. It would be an easy interlude, restoring her pride.
She was a handsome girl with a bosom129, and dark hair and blue eyes, a girl full of easy laughter, flushed from the sun, inclined to wipe her laughing face in a very natural and taking manner.
Brangwen was in a state of wonder. He treated her with his chaffing deference130, roused, but very unsure of himself, afraid to death of being too forward, ashamed lest he might be thought backward, mad with desire yet restrained by instinctive regard for women from making any definite approach, feeling all the while that his attitude was ridiculous, and flushing deep with confusion. She, however, became hard and daring as he became confused, it amused her to see him come on.
“When must you get back?” she asked.
“I’m not particular,” he said.
There the conversation again broke down.
Brangwen’s companions were ready to go on.
“Art commin’, Tom,” they called, “or art for stoppin’?”
“Ay, I’m commin’,” he replied, rising reluctantly, an angry sense of futility132 and disappointment spreading over him.
He met the full, almost taunting133 look of the girl, and he trembled with unusedness.
“Shall you come an’ have a look at my mare,” he said to her, with his hearty kindliness134 that was now shaken with trepidation135.
“Oh, I should like to,” she said, rising.
And she followed him, his rather sloping shoulders and his cloth riding-gaiters, out of the room. The young men got their own horses out of the stable.
“Can you ride?” Brangwen asked her.
“I should like to if I could-I have never tried,” she said.
“Come then, an’ have a try,” he said.
And he lifted her, he blushing, she laughing, into the saddle.
“I s’ll slip off-it’s not a lady’s saddle,” she cried.
“Hold yer tight,” he said, and he led her out of the hotel gate.
The girl sat very insecurely, clinging fast. He put a hand on her waist, to support her. And he held her closely, he clasped her as in an embrace, he was weak with desire as he strode beside her.
The horse walked by the river.
“You want to sit straddle-leg,” he said to her.
“I know I do,” she said.
It was the time of very full skirts. She managed to get astride the horse, quite decently, showing an intent concern for covering her pretty leg.
“It’s a lot’s better this road,” she said, looking down at him.
“Ay, it is,” he said, feeling the marrow136 melt in his bones from the look in her eyes. “I dunno why they have that side-saddle business, twistin’ a woman in two.”
“Should us leave you then-you seem to be fixed up there?” called Brangwen’s companions from the road.
He went red with anger.
“Ay-don’t worry,” he called back.
“How long are yer stoppin’?” they asked.
“Not after Christmas,” he said.
And the girl gave a tinkling137 peal138 of laughter.
“All right-by-bye!” called his friends.
And they cantered off, leaving him very flushed, trying to be quite normal with the girl. But presently he had gone back to the hotel and given his horse into the charge of an ostler and had gone off with the girl into the woods, not quite knowing where he was or what he was doing. His heart thumped139 and he thought it the most glorious adventure, and was mad with desire for the girl.
Afterwards he glowed with pleasure. By Jove, but that was something like! He stayed the afternoon with the girl, and wanted to stay the night. She, however, told him this was impossible: her own man would be back by dark, and she must be with him. He, Brangwen, must not let on that there had been anything between them.
She gave him an intimate smile, which made him feel confused and gratified.
He could not tear himself away, though he had promised not to interfere140 with the girl. He stayed on at the hotel over night. He saw the other fellow at the evening meal: a small, middle-aged man with iron-grey hair and a curious face, like a monkey’s, but interesting, in its way almost beautiful. Brangwen guessed that he was a foreigner. He was in company with another, an Englishman, dry and hard. The four sat at table, two men and two women. Brangwen watched with all his eyes.
He saw how the foreigner treated the women with courteous141 contempt, as if they were pleasing animals. Brangwen’s girl had put on a ladylike manner, but her voice betrayed her. She wanted to win back her man. When dessert came on, however, the little foreigner turned round from his table and calmly surveyed the room, like one unoccupied. Brangwen marvelled142 over the cold, animal intelligence of the face. The brown eyes were round, showing all the brown pupil, like a monkey’s, and just calmly looking, perceiving the other person without referring to him at all. They rested on Brangwen. The latter marvelled at the old face turned round on him, looking at him without considering it necessary to know him at all. The eyebrows143 of the round, perceiving, but unconcerned eyes were rather high up, with slight wrinkles above them, just as a monkey’s had. It was an old, ageless face.
The man was most amazingly a gentleman all the time, an aristocrat144. Brangwen stared fascinated. The girl was pushing her crumbs145 about on the cloth, uneasily, flushed and angry.
As Brangwen sat motionless in the hall afterwards, too much moved and lost to know what to do, the little stranger came up to him with a beautiful smile and manner, offering a cigarette and saying:
“Will you smoke?”
Brangwen never smoked cigarettes, yet he took the one offered, fumbling146 painfully with thick fingers, blushing to the roots of his hair. Then he looked with his warm blue eyes at the almost sardonic147, lidded eyes of the foreigner. The latter sat down beside him, and they began to talk, chiefly of horses.
Brangwen loved the other man for his exquisite148 graciousness, for his tact104 and reserve, and for his ageless, monkey-like self-surety. They talked of horses, and of Derbyshire, and of farming. The stranger warmed to the young fellow with real warmth, and Brangwen was excited. He was transported at meeting this odd, middle-aged, dry-skinned man, personally. The talk was pleasant, but that did not matter so much. It was the gracious manner, the fine contact that was all.
They talked a long while together, Brangwen flushing like a girl when the other did not understand his idiom. Then they said good night, and shook hands. Again the foreigner bowed and repeated his good night.
“Good night, and bon voyage.”
Then he turned to the stairs.
Brangwen went up to his room and lay staring out at the stars of the summer night, his whole being in a whirl. What was it all? There was a life so different from what he knew it. What was there outside his knowledge, how much? What was this that he had touched? What was he in this new influence? What did everything mean? Where was life, in that which he knew or all outside him?
He fell asleep, and in the morning had ridden away before any other visitors were awake. He shrank from seeing any of them again, in the morning.
His mind was one big excitement. The girl and the foreigner: he knew neither of their names. Yet they had set fire to the homestead of his nature, and he would be burned out of cover. Of the two experiences, perhaps the meeting with the foreigner was the more significant. But the girl-he had not settled about the girl.
He did not know. He had to leave it there, as it was. He could not sum up his experiences.
The result of these encounters was, that he dreamed day and night, absorbedly, of a voluptuous149 woman and of the meeting with a small, withered150 foreigner of ancient breeding. No sooner was his mind free, no sooner had he left his own companions, than he began to imagine an intimacy with fine-textured, subtle-mannered people such as the foreigner at Matlock, and amidst this subtle intimacy was always the satisfaction of a voluptuous woman.
He went about absorbed in the interest and the actuality of this dream. His eyes glowed, he walked with his head up, full of the exquisite pleasure of aristocratic subtlety151 and grace, tormented with the desire for the girl.
Then gradually the glow began to fade, and the cold material of his customary life to show through. He resented it. Was he cheated in his illusion? He balked153 the mean enclosure of reality, stood stubbornly like a bull at a gate, refusing to re-enter the well-known round of his own life.
He drank more than usual to keep up the glow. But it faded more and more for all that. He set his teeth at the commonplace, to which he would not submit. It resolved itself starkly154 before him, for all that.
He wanted to marry, to get settled somehow, to get out of the quandary156 he found himself in. But how? He felt unable to move his limbs. He had seen a little creature caught in bird-lime, and the sight was a nightmare to him. He began to feel mad with the rage of impotency.
He wanted something to get hold of, to pull himself out. But there was nothing. Steadfastly157 he looked at the young women, to find a one he could marry. But not one of them did he want. And he knew that the idea of a life among such people as the foreigner was ridiculous.
Yet he dreamed of it, and stuck to his dreams, and would not have the reality of Cossethay and Ilkeston. There he sat stubbornly in his corner at the “Red Lion”, smoking and musing158 and occasionally lifting his beer-pot, and saying nothing, for all the world like a gorping farm-labourer, as he said himself.
Then a fever of restless anger came upon him. He wanted to go away-right away. He dreamed of foreign parts. But somehow he had no contact with them. And it was a very strong root which held him to the Marsh, to his own house and land.
Then Effie got married, and he was left in the house with only Tilly, the cross-eyed woman-servant who had been with them for fifteen years. He felt things coming to a close. All the time, he had held himself stubbornly resistant159 to the action of the commonplace unreality which wanted to absorb him. But now he had to do something.
He was by nature temperate160. Being sensitive and emotional, his nausea161 prevented him from drinking too much.
But, in futile162 anger, with the greatest of determination and apparent good humour, he began to drink in order to get drunk. “Damn it,” he said to himself, “you must have it one road or another-you can’t hitch163 your horse to the shadow of a gate-post-if you’ve got legs you’ve got to rise off your backside some time or other.”
So he rose and went down to Ilkeston, rather awkwardly took his place among a gang of young bloods, stood drinks to the company, and discovered he could carry it off quite well. He had an idea that everybody in the room was a man after his own heart, that everything was glorious, everything was perfect. When somebody in alarm told him his coat pocket was on fire, he could only beam from a red, blissful face and say “Iss-all-ri-ight-iss-al’-ri-ight-it’s a’ right-let it be, let it be-” and he laughed with pleasure, and was rather indignant that the others should think it unnatural for his coat pocket to burn:-it was the happiest and most natural thing in the world-what?
He went home talking to himself and to the moon, that was very high and small, stumbling at the flashes of moonlight from the puddles165 at his feet, wondering What the Hanover! then laughing confidently to the moon, assuring her this was first class, this was.
In the morning he woke up and thought about it, and for the first time in his life, knew what it was to feel really acutely irritable166, in a misery167 of real bad temper. After bawling168 and snarling169 at Tilly, he took himself off for very shame, to be alone. And looking at the ashen170 fields and the putty roads, he wondered what in the name of Hell he could do to get out of this prickly sense of disgust and physical repulsion. And he knew that this was the result of his glorious evening.
And his stomach did not want any more brandy. He went doggedly171 across the fields with his terrier, and looked at everything with a jaundiced eye.
The next evening found him back again in his place at the “Red Lion”, moderate and decent. There he sat and stubbornly waited for what would happen next.
Did he, or did he not believe that he belonged to this world of Cossethay and Ilkeston? There was nothing in it he wanted. Yet could he ever get out of it? Was there anything in himself that would carry him out of it? Or was he a dunderheaded baby, not man enough to be like the other young fellows who drank a good deal and wenched a little without any question, and were satisfied.
He went on stubbornly for a time. Then the strain became too great for him. A hot, accumulated consciousness was always awake in his chest, his wrists felt swelled172 and quivering, his mind became full of lustful images, his eyes seemed blood-flushed. He fought with himself furiously, to remain normal. He did not seek any woman. He just went on as if he were normal. Till he must either take some action or beat his head against the wall.
Then he went deliberately to Ilkeston, in silence, intent and beaten. He drank to get drunk. He gulped173 down the brandy, and more brandy, till his face became pale, his eyes burning. And still he could not get free. He went to sleep in drunken unconsciousness, woke up at four o’clock in the morning and continued drinking. He would get free. Gradually the tension in him began to relax. He began to feel happy. His riveted174 silence was unfastened, he began to talk and babble175. He was happy and at one with all the world, he was united with all flesh in a hot blood-relationship. So, after three days of incessant176 brandy-drinking, he had burned out the youth from his blood, he had achieved this kindled177 state of oneness with all the world, which is the end of youth’s most passionate178 desire. But he had achieved his satisfaction by obliterating179 his own individuality, that which it depended on his manhood to preserve and develop.
So he became a bout1-drinker, having at intervals180 these bouts181 of three or four days of brandy-drinking, when he was drunk for the whole time. He did not think about it. A deep resentment burned in him. He kept aloof182 from any women, antagonistic183.
When he was twenty-eight, a thick-limbed, stiff, fair man with fresh complexion184, and blue eyes staring very straight ahead, he was coming one day down from Cossethay with a load of seed out of Nottingham. It was a time when he was getting ready for another bout of drinking, so he stared fixedly185 before him, watchful186 yet absorbed, seeing everything and aware of nothing, coiled in himself. It was early in the year.
He walked steadily187 beside the horse, the load clanked behind as the hill descended188 steeper. The road curved down-hill before him, under banks and hedges, seen only for a few yards ahead.
Slowly turning the curve at the steepest part of the slope, his horse britching between the shafts189, he saw a woman approaching. But he was thinking for the moment of the horse.
Then he turned to look at her. She was dressed in black, was apparently rather small and slight, beneath her long black cloak, and she wore a black bonnet190. She walked hastily, as if unseeing, her head rather forward. It was her curious, absorbed, flitting motion, as if she were passing unseen by everybody, that first arrested him.
She had heard the cart, and looked up. Her face was pale and clear, she had thick dark eyebrows and a wide mouth, curiously191 held. He saw her face clearly, as if by a light in the air. He saw her face so distinctly, that he ceased to coil on himself, and was suspended.
“That’s her,” he said involuntarily. As the cart passed by, splashing through the thin mud, she stood back against the bank. Then, as he walked still beside his britching horse, his eyes met hers. He looked quickly away, pressing back his head, a pain of joy running through him. He could not bear to think of anything.
He turned round at the last moment. He saw her bonnet, her shape in the black cloak, the movement as she walked. Then she was gone round the bend.
She had passed by. He felt as if he were walking again in a far world, not Cossethay, a far world, the fragile reality. He went on, quiet, suspended, rarefied. He could not bear to think or to speak, nor make any sound or sign, nor change his fixed motion. He could scarcely bear to think of her face. He moved within the knowledge of her, in the world that was beyond reality.
The feeling that they had exchanged recognition possessed192 him like a madness, like a torment107. How could he be sure, what confirmation193 had he? The doubt was like a sense of infinite space, a nothingness, annihilating194. He kept within his breast the will to surety. They had exchanged recognition.
He walked about in this state for the next few days. And then again like a mist it began to break to let through the common, barren world. He was very gentle with man and beast, but he dreaded the starkness195 of disillusion cropping through again.
As he was standing72 with his back to the fire after dinner a few days later, he saw the woman passing. He wanted to know that she knew him, that she was aware. He wanted it said that there was something between them. So he stood anxiously watching, looking at her as she went down the road. He called to Tilly.
“Who might that be?” he asked.
Tilly, the cross-eyed woman of forty, who adored him, ran gladly to the window to look. She was glad when he asked her for anything. She craned her head over the short curtain, the little tight knob of her black hair sticking out pathetically as she bobbed about.
“Oh why”-she lifted her head and peered with her twisted, keen brown eyes-“why, you know who it is-it’s her from th’ vicarage-you know-”
“How do I know, you hen-bird,” he shouted.
Tilly blushed and drew her neck in and looked at him with her squinting196, sharp, almost reproachful look.
“Why you do-it’s the new housekeeper197.”
“Ay-an’ what by that?”
“Well, an’ what by that?” rejoined the indignant Tilly.
“She’s a woman, isn’t she, housekeeper or no housekeeper? She’s got more to her than that! Who is she-she’s got a name?”
“Well, if she has, I don’t know,” retorted Tilly, not to be badgered by this lad who had grown up into a man.
“What’s her name?” he asked, more gently.
“I’m sure I couldn’t tell you,” replied Tilly, on her dignity.
“An’ is that all as you’ve gathered, as she’s housekeeping at the vicarage?”
“I’ve ’eered mention of ’er name, but I couldn’t remember it for my life.”
“Why, yer riddle-skulled woman o’ nonsense, what have you got a head for?”
“For what other folks ’as got theirs for,” retorted Tilly, who loved nothing more than these tilts198 when he would call her names.
There was a lull199.
“I don’t believe as anybody could keep it in their head,” the woman-servant continued, tentatively.
“What?” he asked.
“Why, ’er name.”
“How’s that?”
“She’s fra some foreign parts or other.”
“Who told you that?”
“That’s all I do know, as she is.”
“An’ wheer do you reckon she’s from, then?”
“I don’t know. They do say as she hails fra th’ Pole. I don’t know,” Tilly hastened to add, knowing he would attack her.
“Fra th’ Pole, why do you hail fra th’ Pole? Who set up that menagerie confabulation?”
“That’s what they say-I don’t know-”
“Who says?”
“Mrs. Bentley says as she’s fra th’ Pole-else she is a Pole, or summat.”
Tilly was only afraid she was landing herself deeper now.
“Who says she’s a Pole?”
“They all say so.”
“Then what’s brought her to these parts?”
“I couldn’t tell you. She’s got a little girl with her.”
“Got a little girl with her?”
“Of three or four, with a head like a fuzz-ball.”
“Black?”
“White-fair as can be, an’ all of a fuzz.”
“Is there a father, then?”
“Not to my knowledge. I don’t know.”
“What brought her here?”
“I couldn’t say, without th’ vicar axed her.”
“Is the child her child?”
“I s’d think so-they say so.”
“Who told you about her?”
“Why, Lizzie-a-Monday-we seed her goin’ past.”
“You’d have to be rattling201 your tongues if anything went past.”
Brangwen stood musing. That evening he went up to Cossethay to the “Red Lion”, half with the intention of hearing more.
She was the widow of a Polish doctor, he gathered. Her husband had died, a refugee, in London. She spoke39 a bit foreign-like, but you could easily make out what she said. She had one little girl named Anna. Lensky was the woman’s name, Mrs. Lensky.
Brangwen felt that here was the unreality established at last. He felt also a curious certainty about her, as if she were destined202 to him. It was to him a profound satisfaction that she was a foreigner.
A swift change had taken place on the earth for him, as if a new creation were fulfilled, in which he had real existence. Things had all been stark155, unreal, barren, mere203 nullities before. Now they were actualities that he could handle.
He dared scarcely think of the woman. He was afraid. Only all the time he was aware of her presence not far off, he lived in her. But he dared not know her, even acquaint himself with her by thinking of her.
One day he met her walking along the road with her little girl. It was a child with a face like a bud of apple-blossom, and glistening204 fair hair like thistle-down sticking out in straight, wild, flamy pieces, and very dark eyes. The child clung jealously to her mother’s side when he looked at her, staring with resentful black eyes. But the mother glanced at him again, almost vacantly. And the very vacancy205 of her look inflamed him. She had wide grey-brown eyes with very dark, fathomless206 pupils. He felt the fine flame running under his skin, as if all his veins207 had caught fire on the surface. And he went on walking without knowledge.
It was coming, he knew, his fate. The world was submitting to its transformation208. He made no move: it would come, what would come.
When his sister Effie came to the Marsh for a week, he went with her for once to church. In the tiny place, with its mere dozen pews, he sat not far from the stranger. There was a fineness about her, a poignancy209 about the way she sat and held her head lifted. She was strange, from far off, yet so intimate. She was from far away, a presence, so close to his soul. She was not really there, sitting in Cossethay church beside her little girl. She was not living the apparent life of her days. She belonged to somewhere else. He felt it poignantly210, as something real and natural. But a pang of fear for his own concrete life, that was only Cossethay, hurt him, and gave him misgiving211.
Her thick dark brows almost met above her irregular nose, she had a wide, rather thick mouth. But her face was lifted to another world of life: not to heaven or death: but to some place where she still lived, in spite of her body’s absence.
The child beside her watched everything with wide, black eyes. She had an odd little defiant212 look, her little red mouth was pinched shut. She seemed to be jealously guarding something, to be always on the alert for defence. She met Brangwen’s near, vacant, intimate gaze, and a palpitating hostility213, almost like a flame of pain, came into the wide, over-conscious dark eyes.
The old clergyman droned on, Cossethay sat unmoved as usual. And there was the foreign woman with a foreign air about her, inviolate214, and the strange child, also foreign, jealously guarding something.
When the service was over, he walked in the way of another existence out of the church. As he went down the churchpath with his sister, behind the woman and child, the little girl suddenly broke from her mother’s hand, and slipped back with quick, almost invisible movement, and was picking at something almost under Brangwen’s feet. Her tiny fingers were fine and quick, but they missed the red button.
“Have you found something?” said Brangwen to her.
And he also stooped for the button. But she had got it, and she stood back with it pressed against her little coat, her black eyes flaring215 at him, as if to forbid him to notice her. Then, having silenced him, she turned with a swift “Mother-,” and was gone down the path.
The mother had stood watching impassive, looking not at the child, but at Brangwen. He became aware of the woman looking at him, standing there isolated216 yet for him dominant217 in her foreign existence.
He did not know what to do, and turned to his sister. But the wide grey eyes, almost vacant yet so moving, held him beyond himself.
“Mother, I may have it, mayn’t I?” came the child’s proud, silvery tones. “Mother”-she seemed always to be calling her mother to remember her-“mother”-and she had nothing to continue now her mother had replied “Yes, my child.” But, with ready invention, the child stumbled and ran on, “What are those people’s names?”
Brangwen heard the abstract:
“I don’t know, dear.”
He went on down the road as if he were not living inside himself, but somewhere outside.
“Who was that person?” his sister Effie asked.
“I couldn’t tell you,” he answered unknowing.
“She’s somebody very funny,” said Effie, almost in condemnation218. “That child’s like one bewitched.”
“Bewitched-how bewitched?” he repeated.
“You can see for yourself. The mother’s plain, I must say-but the child is like a changeling. She’d be about thirty-five.”
But he took no notice. His sister talked on.
“There’s your woman for you,” she continued. “You’d better marry her.” But still he took no notice. Things were as they were.
Another day, at tea-time, as he sat alone at table, there came a knock at the front door. It startled him like a portent219. No one ever knocked at the front door. He rose and began slotting back the bolts, turning the big key. When he had opened the door, the strange woman stood on the threshold.
“Can you give me a pound of butter?” she asked, in a curious detached way of one speaking a foreign language.
He tried to attend to her question. She was looking at him questioningly. But underneath220 the question, what was there, in her very standing motionless, which affected him?
He stepped aside and she at once entered the house, as if the door had been opened to admit her. That startled him. It was the custom for everybody to wait on the doorstep till asked inside. He went into the kitchen and she followed.
His tea-things were spread on the scrubbed deal table, a big fire was burning, a dog rose from the hearth221 and went to her. She stood motionless just inside the kitchen.
“Tilly,” he called loudly, “have we got any butter?”
The stranger stood there like a silence in her black cloak.
“Eh?” came the shrill cry from the distance.
He shouted his question again.
“We’ve got what’s on t’ table,” answered Tilly’s shrill voice out of the dairy.
Brangwen looked at the table. There was a large pat of butter on a plate, almost a pound. It was round, and stamped with acorns222 and oak-leaves.
“Can’t you come when you’re wanted?” he shouted.
“Why, what d’you want?” Tilly protested, as she came peeking223 inquisitively224 through the other door.
She saw the strange woman, stared at her with cross-eyes, but said nothing.
“Haven’t we any butter?” asked Brangwen again, impatiently, as if he could command some by his question.
“I tell you there’s what’s on t’ table,” said Tilly, impatient that she was unable to create any to his demand. “We haven’t a morsel225 besides.”
There was a moment’s silence.
The stranger spoke, in her curiously distinct, detached manner of one who must think her speech first.
“Oh, then thank you very much. I am sorry that I have come to trouble you.”
She could not understand the entire lack of manners, was slightly puzzled. Any politeness would have made the situation quite impersonal226. But here it was a case of wills in confusion. Brangwen flushed at her polite speech. Still he did not let her go.
“Get summat an’ wrap that up for her,” he said to Tilly, looking at the butter on the table.
And taking a clean knife, he cut off that side of the butter where it was touched.
His speech, the “for her”, penetrated227 slowly into the foreign woman and angered Tilly.
“Vicar has his butter fra Brown’s by rights,” said the insuppressible servant-woman. “We s’ll be churnin’ to-morrow mornin’ first thing.”
“Yes”-the long-drawn foreign yes-“yes,” said the Polish woman, “I went to Mrs. Brown’s. She hasn’t any more.”
Tilly bridled228 her head, bursting to say that, according to the etiquette229 of people who bought butter, it was no sort of manners whatever coming to a place cool as you like and knocking at the front door asking for a pound as a stop-gap while your other people were short. If you go to Brown’s you go to Brown’s, an’ my butter isn’t just to make shift when Brown’s has got none.
Brangwen understood perfectly230 this unspoken speech of Tilly’s. The Polish lady did not. And as she wanted butter for the vicar, and as Tilly was churning in the morning, she waited.
“Sluther up now,” said Brangwen loudly after this silence had resolved itself out; and Tilly disappeared through the inner door.
“I am afraid that I should not come, so,” said the stranger, looking at him enquiringly, as if referring to him for what it was usual to do.
He felt confused.
“How’s that?” he said, trying to be genial231 and being only protective.
“Do you —?” she began deliberately. But she was not sure of her ground, and the conversation came to an end. Her eyes looked at him all the while, because she could not speak the language.
They stood facing each other. The dog walked away from her to him. He bent200 down to it.
“And how’s your little girl?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you, she is very well,” was the reply, a phrase of polite speech in a foreign language merely.
“Sit you down,” he said.
And she sat in a chair, her slim arms, coming through the slits232 of her cloak, resting on her lap.
“You’re not used to these parts,” he said, still standing on the hearthrug with his back to the fire, coatless, looking with curious directness at the woman. Her self-possession pleased him and inspired him, set him curiously free. It seemed to him almost brutal to feel so master of himself and of the situation.
Her eyes rested on him for a moment, questioning, as she thought of the meaning of his speech.
“No,” she said, understanding. “No-it is strange.”
“You find it middlin’ rough?” he said.
Her eyes waited on him, so that he should say it again.
“Our ways are rough to you,” he repeated.
“Yes-yes, I understand. Yes, it is different, it is strange. But I was in Yorkshire —”
“Oh, well then,” he said, “it’s no worse here than what they are up there.”
She did not quite understand. His protective manner, and his sureness, and his intimacy, puzzled her. What did he mean? If he was her equal, why did he behave so without formality?
“No —” she said, vaguely233, her eyes resting on him.
She saw him fresh and naive234, uncouth, almost entirely beyond relationship with her. Yet he was good-looking, with his fair hair and blue eyes full of energy, and with his healthy body that seemed to take equality with her. She watched him steadily. He was difficult for her to understand, warm, uncouth, and confident as he was, sure on his feet as if he did not know what it was to be unsure. What then was it that gave him this curious stability?
She did not know. She wondered. She looked round the room he lived in. It had a close intimacy that fascinated and almost frightened her. The furniture was old and familiar as old people, the whole place seemed so kin6 to him, as if it partook of his being, that she was uneasy.
“It is already a long time that you have lived in this house-yes?” she asked.
“I’ve always lived here,” he said.
“Yes-but your people-your family?”
“We’ve been here above two hundred years,” he said. Her eyes were on him all the time, wide-open and trying to grasp him. He felt that he was there for her.
“It is your own place, the house, the farm —?”
“Yes,” he said. He looked down at her and met her look. It disturbed her. She did not know him. He was a foreigner, they had nothing to do with each other. Yet his look disturbed her to knowledge of him. He was so strangely confident and direct.
“You live quite alone?”
“Yes-if you call it alone?”
She did not understand. It seemed unusual to her. What was the meaning of it?
And whenever her eyes, after watching him for some time, inevitably235 met his, she was aware of a heat beating up over her consciousness. She sat motionless and in conflict. Who was this strange man who was at once so near to her? What was happening to her? Something in his young, warm-twinkling eyes seemed to assume a right to her, to speak to her, to extend her his protection. But how? Why did he speak to her? Why were his eyes so certain, so full of light and confident, waiting for no permission nor signal?
Tilly returned with a large leaf and found the two silent. At once he felt it incumbent236 on him to speak, now the serving-woman had come back.
“How old is your little girl?” he asked.
“Four years,” she replied.
“Her father hasn’t been dead long, then?” he asked.
“She was one year when he died.”
“Three years?”
“Yes, three years that he is dead-yes.”
Curiously quiet she was, almost abstracted, answering these questions. She looked at him again, with some maidenhood237 opening in her eyes. He felt he could not move, neither towards her nor away from her. Something about her presence hurt him, till he was almost rigid before her. He saw the girl’s wondering look rise in her eyes.
Tilly handed her the butter and she rose.
“Thank you very much,” she said. “How much is it?”
“We’ll make th’ vicar a present of it,” he said. “It’ll do for me goin’ to church.”
“It ’ud look better of you if you went to church and took th’ money for your butter,” said Tilly, persistent238 in her claim to him.
“You’d have to put in, shouldn’t you?” he said.
“How much, please?” said the Polish woman to Tilly. Brangwen stood by and let be.
“Then, thank you very much,” she said.
“Bring your little girl down sometime to look at th’ fowls239 and horses,” he said,-“if she’d like it.”
“Yes, she would like it,” said the stranger.
And she went. Brangwen stood dimmed by her departure. He could not notice Tilly, who was looking at him uneasily, wanting to be reassured240. He could not think of anything. He felt that he had made some invisible connection with the strange woman.
A daze241 had come over his mind, he had another centre of consciousness. In his breast, or in his bowels, somewhere in his body, there had started another activity. It was as if a strong light were burning there, and he was blind within it, unable to know anything, except that this transfiguration burned between him and her, connecting them, like a secret power.
Since she had come to the house he went about in a daze, scarcely seeing even the things he handled, drifting, quiescent242, in a state of metamorphosis. He submitted to that which was happening to him, letting go his will, suffering the loss of himself, dormant243 always on the brink244 of ecstasy245, like a creature evolving to a new birth.
She came twice with her child to the farm, but there was this lull between them, an intense calm and passivity like a torpor246 upon them, so that there was no active change took place. He was almost unaware120 of the child, yet by his native good humour he gained her confidence, even her affection, setting her on a horse to ride, giving her corn for the fowls.
Once he drove the mother and child from Ilkeston, picking them up on the road. The child huddled247 close to him as if for love, the mother sat very still. There was a vagueness, like a soft mist over all of them, and a silence as if their wills were suspended. Only he saw her hands, ungloved, folded in her lap, and he noticed the wedding-ring on her finger. It excluded him: it was a closed circle. It bound her life, the wedding-ring, it stood for her life in which he could have no part. Nevertheless, beyond all this, there was herself and himself which should meet.
As he helped her down from the trap, almost lifting her, he felt he had some right to take her thus between his hands. She belonged as yet to that other, to that which was behind. But he must care for her also. She was too living to be neglected.
Sometimes her vagueness, in which he was lost, made him angry, made him rage. But he held himself still as yet. She had no response, no being towards him. It puzzled and enraged248 him, but he submitted for a long time. Then, from the accumulated troubling of her ignoring him, gradually a fury broke out, destructive, and he wanted to go away, to escape her.
It happened she came down to the Marsh with the child whilst he was in this state. Then he stood over against her, strong and heavy in his revolt, and though he said nothing, still she felt his anger and heavy impatience249 grip hold of her, she was shaken again as out of a torpor. Again her heart stirred with a quick, out-running impulse, she looked at him, at the stranger who was not a gentleman yet who insisted on coming into her life, and the pain of a new birth in herself strung all her veins to a new form. She would have to begin again, to find a new being, a new form, to respond to that blind, insistent250 figure standing over against her.
A shiver, a sickness of new birth passed over her, the flame leaped up him, under his skin. She wanted it, this new life from him, with him, yet she must defend herself against it, for it was a destruction.
As he worked alone on the land, or sat up with his ewes at lambing time, the facts and material of his daily life fell away, leaving the kernel251 of his purpose clean. And then it came upon him that he would marry her and she would be his life.
Gradually, even without seeing her, he came to know her. He would have liked to think of her as of something given into his protection, like a child without parents. But it was forbidden him. He had to come down from this pleasant view of the case. She might refuse him. And besides, he was afraid of her.
But during the long February nights with the ewes in labour, looking out from the shelter into the flashing stars, he knew he did not belong to himself. He must admit that he was only fragmentary, something incomplete and subject. There were the stars in the dark heaven travelling, the whole host passing by on some eternal voyage. So he sat small and submissive to the greater ordering.
Unless she would come to him, he must remain as a nothingness. It was a hard experience. But, after her repeated obliviousness252 to him, after he had seen so often that he did not exist for her, after he had raged and tried to escape, and said he was good enough by himself, he was a man, and could stand alone, he must, in the starry253 multiplicity of the night humble himself, and admit and know that without her he was nothing.
He was nothing. But with her, he would be real. If she were now walking across the frosty grass near the sheep-shelter, through the fretful bleating254 of the ewes and lambs, she would bring him completeness and perfection. And if it should be so, that she should come to him! It should be so-it was ordained255 so.
He was a long time resolving definitely to ask her to marry him. And he knew, if he asked her, she must really acquiesce256. She must, it could not be otherwise.
He had learned a little of her. She was poor, quite alone, and had had a hard time in London, both before and after her husband died. But in Poland she was a lady well born, a landowner’s daughter.
All these things were only words to him, the fact of her superior birth, the fact that her husband had been a brilliant doctor, the fact that he himself was her inferior in almost every way of distinction. There was an inner reality, a logic257 of the soul, which connected her with him.
One evening in March, when the wind was roaring outside, came the moment to ask her. He had sat with his hands before him, leaning to the fire. And as he watched the fire, he knew almost without thinking that he was going this evening.
“Have you got a clean shirt?” he asked Tilly.
“You know you’ve got clean shirts,” she said.
“Ay,-bring me a white one.”
Tilly brought down one of the linen258 shirts he had inherited from his father, putting it before him to air at the fire. She loved him with a dumb, aching love as he sat leaning with his arms on his knees, still and absorbed, unaware of her. Lately, a quivering inclination24 to cry had come over her, when she did anything for him in his presence. Now her hands trembled as she spread the shirt. He was never shouting and teasing now. The deep stillness there was in the house made her tremble.
He went to wash himself. Queer little breaks of consciousness seemed to rise and burst like bubbles out of the depths of his stillness.
“It’s got to be done,” he said as he stooped to take the shirt out of the fender, “it’s got to be done, so why balk152 it?” And as he combed his hair before the mirror on the wall, he retorted to himself, superficially: “The woman’s not speechless dumb. She’s not clutterin’ at the nipple. She’s got the right to please herself, and displease259 whosoever she likes.”
This streak260 of common sense carried him a little further.
“Did you want anythink?” asked Tilly, suddenly appearing, having heard him speak. She stood watching him comb his fair beard. His eyes were calm and uninterrupted.
“Ay,” he said, “where have you put the scissors?”
She brought them to him, and stood watching as, chin forward, he trimmed his beard.
“Don’t go an’ crop yourself as if you was at a shearin’ contest,” she said, anxiously. He blew the fine-curled hair quickly off his lips.
He put on all clean clothes, folded his stock carefully, and donned his best coat. Then, being ready, as grey twilight261 was falling, he went across to the orchard262 to gather the daffodils. The wind was roaring in the apple trees, the yellow flowers swayed violently up and down, he heard even the fine whisper of their spears as he stooped to break the flattened263, brittle264 stems of the flowers.
“What’s to-do?” shouted a friend who met him as he left the garden gate.
“Bit of courtin’, like,” said Brangwen.
And Tilly, in a great state of trepidation and excitement, let the wind whisk her over the field to the big gate, whence she could watch him go.
He went up the hill and on towards the vicarage, the wind roaring through the hedges, whilst he tried to shelter his bunch of daffodils by his side. He did not think of anything, only knew that the wind was blowing.
Night was falling, the bare trees drummed and whistled. The vicar, he knew, would be in his study, the Polish woman in the kitchen, a comfortable room, with her child. In the darkest of twilight, he went through the gate and down the path where a few daffodils stooped in the wind, and shattered crocuses made a pale, colourless ravel.
There was a light streaming on to the bushes at the back from the kitchen window. He began to hesitate. How could he do this? Looking through the window, he saw her seated in the rocking-chair with the child, already in its nightdress, sitting on her knee. The fair head with its wild, fierce hair was drooping265 towards the fire-warmth, which reflected on the bright cheeks and clear skin of the child, who seemed to be musing, almost like a grown-up person. The mother’s face was dark and still, and he saw, with a pang, that she was away back in the life that had been. The child’s hair gleamed like spun266 glass, her face was illuminated267 till it seemed like wax lit up from the inside. The wind boomed strongly. Mother and child sat motionless, silent, the child staring with vacant dark eyes into the fire, the mother looking into space. The little girl was almost asleep. It was her will which kept her eyes so wide.
Suddenly she looked round, troubled, as the wind shook the house, and Brangwen saw the small lips move. The mother began to rock, he heard the slight crunch268 of the rockers of the chair. Then he heard the low, monotonous269 murmur270 of a song in a foreign language. Then a great burst of wind, the mother seemed to have drifted away, the child’s eyes were black and dilated271. Brangwen looked up at the clouds which packed in great, alarming haste across the dark sky.
Then there came the child’s high, complaining, yet imperative272 voice:
“Don’t sing that stuff, mother; I don’t want to hear it.”
The singing died away.
“You will go to bed,” said the mother.
He saw the clinging protest of the child, the unmoved farawayness of the mother, the clinging, grasping effort of the child. Then suddenly the clear childish challenge:
“I want you to tell me a story.”
The wind blew, the story began, the child nestled against the mother, Brangwen waited outside, suspended, looking at the wild waving of the trees in the wind and the gathering273 darkness. He had his fate to follow, he lingered there at the threshold.
The child crouched274 distinct and motionless, curled in against her mother, the eyes dark and unblinking among the keen wisps of hair, like a curled-up animal asleep but for the eyes. The mother sat as if in shadow, the story went on as if by itself. Brangwen stood outside seeing the night fall. He did not notice the passage of time. The hand that held the daffodils was fixed and cold.
The story came to an end, the mother rose at last, with the child clinging round her neck. She must be strong, to carry so large a child so easily. The little Anna clung round her mother’s neck. The fair, strange face of the child looked over the shoulder of the mother, all asleep but the eyes, and these, wide and dark, kept up the resistance and the fight with something unseen.
When they were gone, Brangwen stirred for the first time from the place where he stood, and looked round at the night. He wished it were really as beautiful and familiar as it seemed in these few moments of release. Along with the child, he felt a curious strain on him, a suffering, like a fate.
The mother came down again, and began folding the child’s clothes. He knocked. She opened wondering, a little bit at bay, like a foreigner, uneasy.
“Good evening,” he said. “I’ll just come in a minute.”
A change went quickly over her face; she was unprepared. She looked down at him as he stood in the light from the window, holding the daffodils, the darkness behind. In his black clothes she again did not know him. She was almost afraid.
But he was already stepping on to the threshold, and closing the door behind him. She turned into the kitchen, startled out of herself by this invasion from the night. He took off his hat, and came towards her. Then he stood in the light, in his black clothes and his black stock, hat in one hand and yellow flowers in the other. She stood away, at his mercy, snatched out of herself. She did not know him, only she knew he was a man come for her. She could only see the dark-clad man’s figure standing there upon her, and the gripped fist of flowers. She could not see the face and the living eyes.
He was watching her, without knowing her, only aware underneath of her presence.
“I come to have a word with you,” he said, striding forward to the table, laying down his hat and the flowers, which tumbled apart and lay in a loose heap. She had flinched275 from his advance. She had no will, no being. The wind boomed in the chimney, and he waited. He had disembarrassed his hands. Now he shut his fists.
He was aware of her standing there unknown, dread67, yet related to him.
“I came up,” he said, speaking curiously matter-of-fact and level, “to ask if you’d marry me. You are free, aren’t you?”
There was a long silence, whilst his blue eyes, strangely impersonal, looked into her eyes to seek an answer to the truth. He was looking for the truth out of her. And she, as if hypnotised, must answer at length.
“Yes, I am free to marry.”
The expression of his eyes changed, became less impersonal, as if he were looking almost at her, for the truth of her. Steady and intent and eternal they were, as if they would never change. They seemed to fix and to resolve her. She quivered, feeling herself created, will-less, lapsing276 into him, into a common will with him.
“You want me?” she said.
A pallor came over his face.
“Yes,” he said.
Still there was no response and silence.
“No,” she said, not of herself. “No, I don’t know.”
He felt the tension breaking up in him, his fists slackened, he was unable to move. He stood there looking at her, helpless in his vague collapse277. For the moment she had become unreal to him. Then he saw her come to him, curiously direct and as if without movement, in a sudden flow. She put her hand to his coat.
“Yes I want to,” she said, impersonally278, looking at him with wide, candid279, newly-opened eyes, opened now with supreme truth. He went very white as he stood, and did not move, only his eyes were held by hers, and he suffered. She seemed to see him with her newly-opened, wide eyes, almost of a child, and with a strange movement, that was agony to him, she reached slowly forward her dark face and her breast to him, with a slow insinuation of a kiss that made something break in his brain, and it was darkness over him for a few moments.
He had her in his arms, and, obliterated280, was kissing her. And it was sheer, bleached281 agony to him, to break away from himself. She was there so small and light and accepting in his arms, like a child, and yet with such an insinuation of embrace, of infinite embrace, that he could not bear it, he could not stand.
He turned and looked for a chair, and keeping her still in his arms, sat down with her close to him, to his breast. Then, for a few seconds, he went utterly282 to sleep, asleep and sealed in the darkest sleep, utter, extreme oblivion.
From which he came to gradually, always holding her warm and close upon him, and she as utterly silent as he, involved in the same oblivion, the fecund283 darkness.
He returned gradually, but newly created, as after a gestation284, a new birth, in the womb of darkness. Aerial and light everything was, new as a morning, fresh and newly-begun. Like a dawn the newness and the bliss164 filled in. And she sat utterly still with him, as if in the same.
Then she looked up at him, the wide, young eyes blazing with light. And he bent down and kissed her on the lips. And the dawn blazed in them, their new life came to pass, it was beyond all conceiving good, it was so good, that it was almost like a passing-away, a trespass. He drew her suddenly closer to him.
For soon the light began to fade in her, gradually, and as she was in his arms, her head sank, she leaned it against him, and lay still, with sunk head, a little tired, effaced285 because she was tired. And in her tiredness was a certain negation286 of him.
“There is the child,” she said, out of the long silence.
He did not understand. It was a long time since he had heard a voice. Now also he heard the wind roaring, as if it had just begun again.
“Yes,” he said, not understanding. There was a slight contraction287 of pain at his heart, a slight tension on his brows. Something he wanted to grasp and could not.
“You will love her?” she said.
The quick contraction, like pain, went over him again.
“I love her now,” he said.
She lay still against him, taking his physical warmth without heed50. It was great confirmation for him to feel her there, absorbing the warmth from him, giving him back her weight and her strange confidence. But where was she, that she seemed so absent? His mind was open with wonder. He did not know her.
“But I am much older than you,” she said.
“How old?” he asked.
“I am thirty-four,” she said.
“I am twenty-eight,” he said.
“Six years.”
She was oddly concerned, even as if it pleased her a little. He sat and listened and wondered. It was rather splendid, to be so ignored by her, whilst she lay against him, and he lifted her with his breathing, and felt her weight upon his living, so he had a completeness and an inviolable power. He did not interfere with her. He did not even know her. It was so strange that she lay there with her weight abandoned upon him. He was silent with delight. He felt strong, physically288, carrying her on his breathing. The strange, inviolable completeness of the two of them made him feel as sure and as stable as God. Amused, he wondered what the vicar would say if he knew.
“You needn’t stop here much longer, housekeeping,” he said.
“I like it also, here,” she said. “When one has been in many places, it is very nice here.”
He was silent again at this. So close on him she lay, and yet she answered him from so far away. But he did not mind.
“What was your own home like, when you were little?” he asked.
“My father was a landowner,” she replied. “It was near a river.”
This did not convey much to him. All was as vague as before. But he did not care, whilst she was so close.
“I am a landowner-a little one,” he said.
“Yes,” she said.
He had not dared to move. He sat there with his arms round her, her lying motionless on his breathing, and for a long time he did not stir. Then softly, timidly, his hand settled on the roundness of her arm, on the unknown. She seemed to lie a little closer. A hot flame licked up from his belly to his chest.
But it was too soon. She rose, and went across the room to a drawer, taking out a little tray-cloth. There was something quiet and professional about her. She had been a nurse beside her husband, both in Warsaw and in the rebellion afterwards. She proceeded to set a tray. It was as if she ignored Brangwen. He sat up, unable to bear a contradiction in her. She moved about inscrutably.
Then, as he sat there, all mused131 and wondering, she came near to him, looking at him with wide, grey eyes that almost smiled with a low light. But her ugly-beautiful mouth was still unmoved and sad. He was afraid.
His eyes, strained and roused with unusedness, quailed289 a little before her, he felt himself quailing290 and yet he rose, as if obedient to her, he bent and kissed her heavy, sad, wide mouth, that was kissed, and did not alter. Fear was too strong in him. Again he had not got her.
She turned away. The vicarage kitchen was untidy, and yet to him beautiful with the untidiness of her and her child. Such a wonderful remoteness there was about her, and then something in touch with him, that made his heart knock in his chest. He stood there and waited, suspended.
Again she came to him, as he stood in his black clothes, with blue eyes very bright and puzzled for her, his face tensely alive, his hair dishevelled. She came close up to him, to his intent, black-clothed body, and laid her hand on his arm. He remained unmoved. Her eyes, with a blackness of memory struggling with passion, primitive291 and electric away at the back of them, rejected him and absorbed him at once. But he remained himself. He breathed with difficulty, and sweat came out at the roots of his hair, on his forehead.
“Do you want to marry me?” she asked slowly, always uncertain.
He was afraid lest he could not speak. He drew breath hard, saying:
“I do.”
Then again, what was agony to him, with one hand lightly resting on his arm, she leaned forward a little, and with a strange, primeval suggestion of embrace, held him her mouth. It was ugly-beautiful, and he could not bear it. He put his mouth on hers, and slowly, slowly the response came, gathering force and passion, till it seemed to him she was thundering at him till he could bear no more. He drew away, white, unbreathing. Only, in his blue eyes, was something of himself concentrated. And in her eyes was a little smile upon a black void.
She was drifting away from him again. And he wanted to go away. It was intolerable. He could bear no more. He must go. Yet he was irresolute292. But she turned away from him.
With a little pang of anguish, of denial, it was decided293.
“I’ll come an’ speak to the vicar to-morrow,” he said, taking his hat.
She looked at him, her eyes expressionless and full of darkness. He could see no answer.
“That’ll do, won’t it?” he said.
“Yes,” she answered, mere echo without body or meaning.
“Good night,” he said.
“Good night.”
He left her standing there, expressionless and void as she was. Then she went on laying the tray for the vicar. Needing the table, she put the daffodils aside on the dresser without noticing them. Only their coolness, touching294 her hand, remained echoing there a long while.
They were such strangers, they must for ever be such strangers, that his passion was a clanging torment to him. Such intimacy of embrace, and such utter foreignness of contact! It was unbearable295. He could not bear to be near her, and know the utter foreignness between them, know how entirely they were strangers to each other. He went out into the wind. Big holes were blown into the sky, the moonlight blew about. Sometimes a high moon, liquid-brilliant, scudded296 across a hollow space and took cover under electric, brown-iridescent cloud-edges. Then there was a blot297 of cloud, and shadow. Then somewhere in the night a radiance again, like a vapour. And all the sky was teeming298 and tearing along, a vast disorder299 of flying shapes and darkness and ragged300 fumes301 of light and a great brown circling halo, then the terror of a moon running liquid-brilliant into the open for a moment, hurting the eyes before she plunged302 under cover of cloud again.
点击收听单词发音
1 bout | |
n.侵袭,发作;一次(阵,回);拳击等比赛 | |
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2 marsh | |
n.沼泽,湿地 | |
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3 spire | |
n.(教堂)尖顶,尖塔,高点 | |
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4 trespass | |
n./v.侵犯,闯入私人领地 | |
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5 alders | |
n.桤木( alder的名词复数 ) | |
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6 kin | |
n.家族,亲属,血缘关系;adj.亲属关系的,同类的 | |
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7 civilisation | |
n.文明,文化,开化,教化 | |
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8 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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9 silhouette | |
n.黑色半身侧面影,影子,轮廓;v.描绘成侧面影,照出影子来,仅仅显出轮廓 | |
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10 commotion | |
n.骚动,动乱 | |
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11 rhythmic | |
adj.有节奏的,有韵律的 | |
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12 winding | |
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈 | |
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13 narcotic | |
n.麻醉药,镇静剂;adj.麻醉的,催眠的 | |
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14 shrill | |
adj.尖声的;刺耳的;v尖叫 | |
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15 imminent | |
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的 | |
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16 turnip | |
n.萝卜,芜菁 | |
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17 turnips | |
芜青( turnip的名词复数 ); 芜菁块根; 芜菁甘蓝块根; 怀表 | |
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18 quaint | |
adj.古雅的,离奇有趣的,奇怪的 | |
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19 lamentable | |
adj.令人惋惜的,悔恨的 | |
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20 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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21 scowled | |
怒视,生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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22 mortification | |
n.耻辱,屈辱 | |
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23 puckering | |
v.(使某物)起褶子或皱纹( pucker的现在分词 );小褶纹;小褶皱 | |
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24 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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25 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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26 pricked | |
刺,扎,戳( prick的过去式和过去分词 ); 刺伤; 刺痛; 使剧痛 | |
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27 placate | |
v.抚慰,平息(愤怒) | |
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28 eldest | |
adj.最年长的,最年老的 | |
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29 yearning | |
a.渴望的;向往的;怀念的 | |
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30 rudiments | |
n.基础知识,入门 | |
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31 grumbling | |
adj. 喃喃鸣不平的, 出怨言的 | |
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32 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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33 incensed | |
盛怒的 | |
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34 uncouth | |
adj.无教养的,粗鲁的 | |
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35 tenacity | |
n.坚韧 | |
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36 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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37 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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38 rigid | |
adj.严格的,死板的;刚硬的,僵硬的 | |
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39 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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40 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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41 snob | |
n.势利小人,自以为高雅、有学问的人 | |
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42 refinement | |
n.文雅;高尚;精美;精制;精炼 | |
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43 middle-aged | |
adj.中年的 | |
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44 follower | |
n.跟随者;随员;门徒;信徒 | |
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45 bourgeois | |
adj./n.追求物质享受的(人);中产阶级分子 | |
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46 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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47 trickle | |
vi.淌,滴,流出,慢慢移动,逐渐消散 | |
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48 embedded | |
a.扎牢的 | |
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49 wheedling | |
v.骗取(某物),哄骗(某人干某事)( wheedle的现在分词 ) | |
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50 heed | |
v.注意,留意;n.注意,留心 | |
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51 insinuated | |
v.暗示( insinuate的过去式和过去分词 );巧妙或迂回地潜入;(使)缓慢进入;慢慢伸入 | |
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52 callousness | |
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53 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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54 unwilling | |
adj.不情愿的 | |
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55 instinctive | |
adj.(出于)本能的;直觉的;(出于)天性的 | |
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56 infliction | |
n.(强加于人身的)痛苦,刑罚 | |
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57 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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58 deludedly | |
为欺骗性地幻想 | |
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59 aspiration | |
n.志向,志趣抱负;渴望;(语)送气音;吸出 | |
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60 chagrin | |
n.懊恼;气愤;委屈 | |
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61 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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62 brutal | |
adj.残忍的,野蛮的,不讲理的 | |
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63 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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64 discriminating | |
a.有辨别能力的 | |
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65 sensuously | |
adv.感觉上 | |
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66 controvert | |
v.否定;否认 | |
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67 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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68 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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69 shamefully | |
可耻地; 丢脸地; 不体面地; 羞耻地 | |
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70 incompetence | |
n.不胜任,不称职 | |
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71 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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72 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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73 dodge | |
v.闪开,躲开,避开;n.妙计,诡计 | |
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74 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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75 humiliation | |
n.羞辱 | |
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76 bullied | |
adj.被欺负了v.恐吓,威逼( bully的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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77 horrid | |
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的 | |
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78 slate | |
n.板岩,石板,石片,石板色,候选人名单;adj.暗蓝灰色的,含板岩的;vt.用石板覆盖,痛打,提名,预订 | |
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79 winced | |
赶紧避开,畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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80 ignominious | |
adj.可鄙的,不光彩的,耻辱的 | |
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81 sanguine | |
adj.充满希望的,乐观的,血红色的 | |
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82 frail | |
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的 | |
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83 exasperated | |
adj.恼怒的 | |
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84 vigour | |
(=vigor)n.智力,体力,精力 | |
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85 lamenting | |
adj.悲伤的,悲哀的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的现在分词 ) | |
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86 grievance | |
n.怨愤,气恼,委屈 | |
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87 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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88 zest | |
n.乐趣;滋味,风味;兴趣 | |
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89 seduced | |
诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷 | |
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90 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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91 supreme | |
adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
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92 deferred | |
adj.延期的,缓召的v.拖延,延缓,推迟( defer的过去式和过去分词 );服从某人的意愿,遵从 | |
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93 doorway | |
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径 | |
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94 implicitly | |
adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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95 prerogative | |
n.特权 | |
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96 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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97 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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98 execrated | |
v.憎恶( execrate的过去式和过去分词 );厌恶;诅咒;咒骂 | |
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99 pang | |
n.剧痛,悲痛,苦闷 | |
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100 inefficiency | |
n.无效率,无能;无效率事例 | |
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101 tumult | |
n.喧哗;激动,混乱;吵闹 | |
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102 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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103 disillusion | |
vt.使不再抱幻想,使理想破灭 | |
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104 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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105 innate | |
adj.天生的,固有的,天赋的 | |
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106 tormented | |
饱受折磨的 | |
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107 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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108 reverted | |
恢复( revert的过去式和过去分词 ); 重提; 回到…上; 归还 | |
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109 lustful | |
a.贪婪的;渴望的 | |
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110 paucity | |
n.小量,缺乏 | |
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111 dribbling | |
n.(燃料或油从系统内)漏泄v.流口水( dribble的现在分词 );(使液体)滴下或作细流;运球,带球 | |
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112 functional | |
adj.为实用而设计的,具备功能的,起作用的 | |
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113 plentiful | |
adj.富裕的,丰富的 | |
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114 exuberance | |
n.丰富;繁荣 | |
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115 boisterous | |
adj.喧闹的,欢闹的 | |
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116 suspense | |
n.(对可能发生的事)紧张感,担心,挂虑 | |
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117 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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118 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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119 inflamed | |
adj.发炎的,红肿的v.(使)变红,发怒,过热( inflame的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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120 unaware | |
a.不知道的,未意识到的 | |
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121 bruise | |
n.青肿,挫伤;伤痕;vt.打青;挫伤 | |
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122 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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123 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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124 attentive | |
adj.注意的,专心的;关心(别人)的,殷勤的 | |
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125 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
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126 jaunt | |
v.短程旅游;n.游览 | |
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127 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
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128 mischievous | |
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的 | |
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129 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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130 deference | |
n.尊重,顺从;敬意 | |
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131 mused | |
v.沉思,冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 );沉思自语说(某事) | |
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132 futility | |
n.无用 | |
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133 taunting | |
嘲讽( taunt的现在分词 ); 嘲弄; 辱骂; 奚落 | |
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134 kindliness | |
n.厚道,亲切,友好的行为 | |
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135 trepidation | |
n.惊恐,惶恐 | |
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136 marrow | |
n.骨髓;精华;活力 | |
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137 tinkling | |
n.丁当作响声 | |
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138 peal | |
n.钟声;v.鸣响 | |
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139 thumped | |
v.重击, (指心脏)急速跳动( thump的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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140 interfere | |
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰 | |
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141 courteous | |
adj.彬彬有礼的,客气的 | |
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142 marvelled | |
v.惊奇,对…感到惊奇( marvel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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143 eyebrows | |
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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144 aristocrat | |
n.贵族,有贵族气派的人,上层人物 | |
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145 crumbs | |
int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
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146 fumbling | |
n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理 | |
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147 sardonic | |
adj.嘲笑的,冷笑的,讥讽的 | |
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148 exquisite | |
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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149 voluptuous | |
adj.肉欲的,骄奢淫逸的 | |
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150 withered | |
adj. 枯萎的,干瘪的,(人身体的部分器官)因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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151 subtlety | |
n.微妙,敏锐,精巧;微妙之处,细微的区别 | |
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152 balk | |
n.大方木料;v.妨碍;不愿前进或从事某事 | |
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153 balked | |
v.畏缩不前,犹豫( balk的过去式和过去分词 );(指马)不肯跑 | |
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154 starkly | |
adj. 变硬了的,完全的 adv. 完全,实在,简直 | |
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155 stark | |
adj.荒凉的;严酷的;完全的;adv.完全地 | |
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156 quandary | |
n.困惑,进迟两难之境 | |
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157 steadfastly | |
adv.踏实地,不变地;岿然;坚定不渝 | |
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158 musing | |
n. 沉思,冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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159 resistant | |
adj.(to)抵抗的,有抵抗力的 | |
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160 temperate | |
adj.温和的,温带的,自我克制的,不过分的 | |
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161 nausea | |
n.作呕,恶心;极端的憎恶(或厌恶) | |
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162 futile | |
adj.无效的,无用的,无希望的 | |
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163 hitch | |
v.免费搭(车旅行);系住;急提;n.故障;急拉 | |
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164 bliss | |
n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福 | |
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165 puddles | |
n.水坑, (尤指道路上的)雨水坑( puddle的名词复数 ) | |
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166 irritable | |
adj.急躁的;过敏的;易怒的 | |
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167 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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168 bawling | |
v.大叫,大喊( bawl的现在分词 );放声大哭;大声叫出;叫卖(货物) | |
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169 snarling | |
v.(指狗)吠,嗥叫, (人)咆哮( snarl的现在分词 );咆哮着说,厉声地说 | |
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170 ashen | |
adj.灰的 | |
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171 doggedly | |
adv.顽强地,固执地 | |
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172 swelled | |
增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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173 gulped | |
v.狼吞虎咽地吃,吞咽( gulp的过去式和过去分词 );大口地吸(气);哽住 | |
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174 riveted | |
铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 ); 把…固定住; 吸引; 引起某人的注意 | |
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175 babble | |
v.含糊不清地说,胡言乱语地说,儿语 | |
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176 incessant | |
adj.不停的,连续的 | |
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177 kindled | |
(使某物)燃烧,着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 ); 激起(感情等); 发亮,放光 | |
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178 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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179 obliterating | |
v.除去( obliterate的现在分词 );涂去;擦掉;彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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180 intervals | |
n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 );间隔时间;[数学]区间;(戏剧、电影或音乐会的)幕间休息 | |
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181 bouts | |
n.拳击(或摔跤)比赛( bout的名词复数 );一段(工作);(尤指坏事的)一通;(疾病的)发作 | |
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182 aloof | |
adj.远离的;冷淡的,漠不关心的 | |
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183 antagonistic | |
adj.敌对的 | |
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184 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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185 fixedly | |
adv.固定地;不屈地,坚定不移地 | |
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186 watchful | |
adj.注意的,警惕的 | |
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187 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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188 descended | |
a.为...后裔的,出身于...的 | |
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189 shafts | |
n.轴( shaft的名词复数 );(箭、高尔夫球棒等的)杆;通风井;一阵(疼痛、害怕等) | |
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190 bonnet | |
n.无边女帽;童帽 | |
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191 curiously | |
adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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192 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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193 confirmation | |
n.证实,确认,批准 | |
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194 annihilating | |
v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的现在分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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195 starkness | |
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196 squinting | |
斜视( squint的现在分词 ); 眯着眼睛; 瞟; 从小孔或缝隙里看 | |
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197 housekeeper | |
n.管理家务的主妇,女管家 | |
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198 tilts | |
(意欲赢得某物或战胜某人的)企图,尝试( tilt的名词复数 ) | |
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199 lull | |
v.使安静,使入睡,缓和,哄骗;n.暂停,间歇 | |
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200 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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201 rattling | |
adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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202 destined | |
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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203 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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204 glistening | |
adj.闪耀的,反光的v.湿物闪耀,闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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205 vacancy | |
n.(旅馆的)空位,空房,(职务的)空缺 | |
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206 fathomless | |
a.深不可测的 | |
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207 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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208 transformation | |
n.变化;改造;转变 | |
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209 poignancy | |
n.辛酸事,尖锐 | |
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210 poignantly | |
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211 misgiving | |
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕 | |
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212 defiant | |
adj.无礼的,挑战的 | |
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213 hostility | |
n.敌对,敌意;抵制[pl.]交战,战争 | |
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214 inviolate | |
adj.未亵渎的,未受侵犯的 | |
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215 flaring | |
a.火焰摇曳的,过份艳丽的 | |
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216 isolated | |
adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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217 dominant | |
adj.支配的,统治的;占优势的;显性的;n.主因,要素,主要的人(或物);显性基因 | |
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218 condemnation | |
n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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219 portent | |
n.预兆;恶兆;怪事 | |
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220 underneath | |
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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221 hearth | |
n.壁炉炉床,壁炉地面 | |
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222 acorns | |
n.橡子,栎实( acorn的名词复数 ) | |
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223 peeking | |
v.很快地看( peek的现在分词 );偷看;窥视;微露出 | |
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224 inquisitively | |
过分好奇地; 好问地 | |
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225 morsel | |
n.一口,一点点 | |
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226 impersonal | |
adj.无个人感情的,与个人无关的,非人称的 | |
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227 penetrated | |
adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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228 bridled | |
给…套龙头( bridle的过去式和过去分词 ); 控制; 昂首表示轻蔑(或怨忿等); 动怒,生气 | |
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229 etiquette | |
n.礼仪,礼节;规矩 | |
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230 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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231 genial | |
adj.亲切的,和蔼的,愉快的,脾气好的 | |
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232 slits | |
n.狭长的口子,裂缝( slit的名词复数 )v.切开,撕开( slit的第三人称单数 );在…上开狭长口子 | |
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233 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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234 naive | |
adj.幼稚的,轻信的;天真的 | |
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235 inevitably | |
adv.不可避免地;必然发生地 | |
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236 incumbent | |
adj.成为责任的,有义务的;现任的,在职的 | |
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237 maidenhood | |
n. 处女性, 处女时代 | |
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238 persistent | |
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的 | |
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239 fowls | |
鸟( fowl的名词复数 ); 禽肉; 既不是这; 非驴非马 | |
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240 reassured | |
adj.使消除疑虑的;使放心的v.再保证,恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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241 daze | |
v.(使)茫然,(使)发昏 | |
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242 quiescent | |
adj.静止的,不活动的,寂静的 | |
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243 dormant | |
adj.暂停活动的;休眠的;潜伏的 | |
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244 brink | |
n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘,边沿 | |
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245 ecstasy | |
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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246 torpor | |
n.迟钝;麻木;(动物的)冬眠 | |
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247 huddled | |
挤在一起(huddle的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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248 enraged | |
使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 ); 歜; 激愤 | |
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249 impatience | |
n.不耐烦,急躁 | |
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250 insistent | |
adj.迫切的,坚持的 | |
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251 kernel | |
n.(果实的)核,仁;(问题)的中心,核心 | |
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252 obliviousness | |
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253 starry | |
adj.星光照耀的, 闪亮的 | |
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254 bleating | |
v.(羊,小牛)叫( bleat的现在分词 );哭诉;发出羊叫似的声音;轻声诉说 | |
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255 ordained | |
v.任命(某人)为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 );授予(某人)圣职;(上帝、法律等)命令;判定 | |
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256 acquiesce | |
vi.默许,顺从,同意 | |
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257 logic | |
n.逻辑(学);逻辑性 | |
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258 linen | |
n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的 | |
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259 displease | |
vt.使不高兴,惹怒;n.不悦,不满,生气 | |
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260 streak | |
n.条理,斑纹,倾向,少许,痕迹;v.加条纹,变成条纹,奔驰,快速移动 | |
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261 twilight | |
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
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262 orchard | |
n.果园,果园里的全部果树,(美俚)棒球场 | |
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263 flattened | |
[医](水)平扁的,弄平的 | |
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264 brittle | |
adj.易碎的;脆弱的;冷淡的;(声音)尖利的 | |
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265 drooping | |
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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266 spun | |
v.纺,杜撰,急转身 | |
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267 illuminated | |
adj.被照明的;受启迪的 | |
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268 crunch | |
n.关键时刻;艰难局面;v.发出碎裂声 | |
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269 monotonous | |
adj.单调的,一成不变的,使人厌倦的 | |
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270 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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271 dilated | |
adj.加宽的,扩大的v.(使某物)扩大,膨胀,张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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272 imperative | |
n.命令,需要;规则;祈使语气;adj.强制的;紧急的 | |
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273 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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274 crouched | |
v.屈膝,蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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275 flinched | |
v.(因危险和痛苦)退缩,畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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276 lapsing | |
v.退步( lapse的现在分词 );陷入;倒退;丧失 | |
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277 collapse | |
vi.累倒;昏倒;倒塌;塌陷 | |
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278 impersonally | |
ad.非人称地 | |
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279 candid | |
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的 | |
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280 obliterated | |
v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 );涂去;擦掉;彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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281 bleached | |
漂白的,晒白的,颜色变浅的 | |
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282 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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283 fecund | |
adj.多产的,丰饶的,肥沃的 | |
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284 gestation | |
n.怀孕;酝酿 | |
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285 effaced | |
v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 );抹去;超越;使黯然失色 | |
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286 negation | |
n.否定;否认 | |
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287 contraction | |
n.缩略词,缩写式,害病 | |
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288 physically | |
adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律 | |
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289 quailed | |
害怕,发抖,畏缩( quail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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290 quailing | |
害怕,发抖,畏缩( quail的现在分词 ) | |
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291 primitive | |
adj.原始的;简单的;n.原(始)人,原始事物 | |
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292 irresolute | |
adj.无决断的,优柔寡断的,踌躇不定的 | |
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293 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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294 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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295 unbearable | |
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的 | |
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296 scudded | |
v.(尤指船、舰或云彩)笔直、高速而平稳地移动( scud的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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297 blot | |
vt.弄脏(用吸墨纸)吸干;n.污点,污渍 | |
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298 teeming | |
adj.丰富的v.充满( teem的现在分词 );到处都是;(指水、雨等)暴降;倾注 | |
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299 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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300 ragged | |
adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的 | |
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301 fumes | |
n.(强烈而刺激的)气味,气体 | |
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302 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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