She was on her way to the Deerings’ house, in a street near the hilltop; and every step was dear and familiar to her. She went there five times a week to teach little Juliet Deering, the daughter of Mr. Vincent Deering, the distinguished2 American artist. Juliet had been her pupil for two years, and day after day, during that time, Lizzie West had mounted the hill in all weathers; sometimes with her umbrella bent3 against a driving rain, sometimes with her frail4 cotton parasol unfurled beneath a fiery5 sun, sometimes with the snow soaking through her patched boots or a bitter wind piercing her thin jacket, sometimes with the dust whirling about her and bleaching6 the flowers of the poor little hat that had to “carry her through” till next summer.
At first the ascent7 had seemed tedious enough, as dull as the trudge8 to her other lessons. Lizzie was not a heaven-sent teacher; she had no born zeal9 for her calling, and though she dealt kindly10 and dutifully with her pupils, she did not fly to them on winged feet. But one day something had happened to change the face of life, and since then the climb to the Deering house had seemed like a dream-flight up a heavenly stairway.
Her heart beat faster as she remembered it — no longer in a tumult11 of fright and self-reproach, but softly, peacefully, as if brooding over a possession that none could take from her.
It was on a day of the previous October that she had stopped, after Juliet’s lesson, to ask if she might speak to Juliet’s papa. One had always to apply to Mr. Deering if there was anything to be said about the lessons. Mrs. Deering lay on her lounge up-stairs, reading greasy12 relays of dog-eared novels, the choice of which she left to the cook and the nurse, who were always fetching them for her from the cabinet de lecture; and it was understood in the house that she was not to be “bothered” about Juliet. Mr. Deering’s interest in his daughter was fitful rather than consecutive13; but at least he was approachable, and listened sympathetically, if a little absently, stroking his long, fair mustache, while Lizzie stated her difficulty or put in her plea for maps or copy-books.
“Yes, yes — of course — whatever you think right,” he would always assent14, sometimes drawing a five-franc piece from his pocket, and laying it carelessly on the table, or oftener saying, with his charming smile: “Get what you please, and just put it on your account, you know.”
But this time Lizzie had not come to ask for maps or copy-books, or even to hint, in crimson15 misery16, — as once, poor soul! she had had to do, — that Mr. Deering had overlooked her last little account had probably not noticed that she had left it, some two months earlier, on a corner of his littered writing-table. That hour had been bad enough, though he had done his best to make it easy to carry it off gallantly17 and gaily18; but this was infinitely19 worse. For she had come to complain of her pupil; to say that, much as she loved little Juliet, it was useless, unless Mr. Deering could “do something,” to go on with the lessons.
“It wouldn’t be honest — I should be robbing you; I’m not sure that I haven’t already,” she half laughed, through mounting tears, as she put her case. Little Juliet would not work, would not obey. Her poor, little, drifting existence floated aimlessly between the kitchen and the lingerie, and all the groping tendrils of her curiosity were fastened about the doings of the backstairs.
It was the same kind of curiosity that Mrs. Deering, overhead in her drug-scented room, lavished20 on her dog-eared novels and on the “society notes” of the morning paper; but since Juliet’s horizon was not yet wide enough to embrace these loftier objects, her interest was centered in the anecdotes21 that Celeste and Suzanne brought back from the market and the library. That these were not always of an edifying22 nature the child’s artless prattle23 too often betrayed; but unhappily they occupied her fancy to the complete exclusion24 of such nourishing items as dates and dynasties, and the sources of the principal European rivers.
At length the crisis became so acute that poor Lizzie felt herself bound to resign her charge or ask Mr. Deering’s intervention25; and for Juliet’s sake she chose the harder alternative. It was hard to speak to him not only because one hated still more to ascribe it to such vulgar causes, but because one blushed to bring them to the notice of a spirit engaged with higher things. Mr. Deering was very busy at that moment: he had a new picture “on.” And Lizzie entered the studio with the flutter of one profanely26 intruding27 on some sacred rite28; she almost heard the rustle29 of retreating wings as she approached.
And then — and then — how differently it had all turned out! Perhaps it wouldn’t have, if she hadn’t been such a goose — she who so seldom cried, so prided herself on a stoic30 control of her little twittering cageful of “feelings.” But if she had cried, it was because he had looked at her so kindly, so softly, and because she had nevertheless felt him so pained and shamed by what she said. The pain, of course, lay for both in the implication behind her words — in the one word they left unspoken. If little Juliet was as she was, it was because of the mother up-stairs — the mother who had given her child her futile31 impulses, and grudged32 her the care that might have guided them. The wretched case so obviously revolved34 in its own vicious circle that when Mr. Deering had murmured, “Of course if my wife were not an invalid,” they both turned with a simultaneous spring to the flagrant “bad example” of Celeste and Suzanne, fastening on that with a mutual35 insistence36 that ended in his crying out, “All the more, then, how can you leave her to them?”
“But if I do her no good?” Lizzie wailed37; and it was then that, — when he took her hand and assured her gently, “But you do, you do!” — it was then that, in the traditional phrase, she “broke down,” and her conventional protest quivered off into tears.
“You do me good, at any rate — you make the house seem less like a desert,” she heard him say; and the next moment she felt herself drawn38 to him, and they kissed each other through her weeping.
They kissed each other — there was the new fact. One does not, if one is a poor little teacher living in Mme. Clopin’s Pension Suisse at Passy, and if one has pretty brown hair and eyes that reach out trustfully to other eyes — one does not, under these common but defenseless conditions, arrive at the age of twenty-five without being now and then kissed, — waylaid39 once by a noisy student between two doors, surprised once by one’s gray-bearded professor as one bent over the “theme” he was correcting, — but these episodes, if they tarnish40 the surface, do not reach the heart: it is not the kiss endured, but the kiss returned, that lives. And Lizzie West’s first kiss was for Vincent Deering.
As she drew back from it, something new awoke in her — something deeper than the fright and the shame, and the penitent41 thought of Mrs. Deering. A sleeping germ of life thrilled and unfolded, and started out blindly to seek the sun.
She might have felt differently, perhaps, — the shame and penitence42 might have prevailed, — had she not known him so kind and tender, and guessed him so baffled, poor, and disappointed. She knew the failure of his married life, and she divined a corresponding failure in his artistic44 career. Lizzie, who had made her own faltering45 snatch at the same laurels46, brought her thwarted47 proficiency48 to bear on the question of his pictures, which she judged to be extremely brilliant, but suspected of having somehow failed to affirm their merit publicly. She understood that he had tasted an earlier moment of success: a mention, a medal, something official and tangible49; then the tide of publicity50 had somehow set the other way, and left him stranded51 in a noble isolation52. It was extraordinary and unbelievable that any one so naturally eminent53 and exceptional should have been subject to the same vulgar necessities that governed her own life, should have known poverty and obscurity and indifference54. But she gathered that this had been the case, and felt that it formed the miraculous55 link between them. For through what medium less revealing than that of shared misfortune would he ever have perceived so inconspicuous an object as herself? And she recalled now how gently his eyes had rested on her from the first — the gray eyes that might have seemed mocking if they had not been so gentle.
She remembered how he had met her the first day, when Mrs. Deering’s inevitable56 headache had prevented her from receiving the new teacher, and how his few questions had at once revealed his interest in the little stranded, compatriot, doomed57 to earn a precarious58 living so far from her native shore. Sweet as the moment of unburdening had been, she wondered afterward59 what had determined60 it: how she, so shy and sequestered61, had found herself letting slip her whole poverty-stricken story, even to the avowal62 of the ineffectual “artistic” tendencies that had drawn her to Paris, and had then left her there to the dry task of tuition. She wondered at first, but she understood now; she understood everything after he had kissed her. It was simply because he was as kind as he was great.
She thought of this now as she mounted the hill in the spring sunshine, and she thought of all that had happened since. The intervening months, as she looked back at them, were merged63 in a vast golden haze64, through which here and there rose the outline of a shining island. The haze was the general enveloping65 sense of his love, and the shining islands were the days they had spent together. They had never kissed again under his own roof. Lizzie’s professional honor had a keen edge, but she had been spared the vulgar necessity of making him feel it. It was of the essence of her fatality66 that he always “understood” when his failing to do so might have imperiled his hold on her.
But her Thursdays and Sundays were free, and it soon became a habit to give them to him. She knew, for her peace of mind, only too much about pictures, and galleries and churches had been the one bright outlet67 from the grayness of her personal atmosphere. For poetry, too, and the other imaginative forms of literature, she had always felt more than she had hitherto had occasion to betray; and now all these folded sympathies shot out their tendrils to the light. Mr. Deering knew how to express with unmatched clearness and competence68 the thoughts that trembled in her mind: to talk with him was to soar up into the azure69 on the outspread wings of his intelligence, and look down dizzily yet distinctly, on all the wonders and glories of the world. She was a little ashamed, sometimes, to find how few definite impressions she brought back from these flights; but that was doubtless because her heart beat so fast when he was near, and his smile made his words like a long quiver of light. Afterward, in quieter hours, fragments of their talk emerged in her memory with wondrous70 precision, every syllable71 as minutely chiseled72 as some of the delicate objects in crystal or ivory that he pointed43 out in the museums they frequented. It was always a puzzle to Lizzie that some of their hours should be so blurred73 and others so vivid.
On the morning in question she was reliving all these memories with unusual distinctness, for it was a fortnight since she had seen her friend. Mrs. Deering, some six weeks previously74, had gone to visit a relation at St.-Raphael; and, after she had been a month absent, her husband and the little girl had joined her. Lizzie’s adieux to Deering had been made on a rainy afternoon in the damp corridors of the Aquarium75 at the Trocadero. She could not receive him at her own pension. That a teacher should be visited by the father of a pupil, especially when that father was still, as Madame Clopin said, si bien, was against that lady’s austere76 Helvetian code. From Deering’s first tentative hint of another solution Lizzie had recoiled77 in a wild unreasoned flurry of all her scruples78, he took her “No, no, no!” as he took all her twists and turns of conscience, with eyes half-tender and half-mocking, and an instant acquiescence79 which was the finest homage80 to the “lady” she felt he divined and honored in her.
So they continued to meet in museums and galleries, or to extend, on fine days, their explorations to the suburbs, where now and then, in the solitude81 of grove82 or garden, the kiss renewed itself, fleeting83, isolated84, or prolonged in a shy, silent pressure of the hand. But on the day of his leave-taking the rain kept them under cover; and as they threaded the subterranean85 windings86 of the Aquarium, and Lizzie looked unseeingly at the monstrous87 faces glaring at her through walls of glass, she felt like a poor drowned wretch33 at the bottom of the sea, with all her glancing, sunlit memories rolling over her like the waves of its surface.
“You’ll never see him again — never see him again,” the waves boomed in her ears through his last words; and when she had said good-by to him at the corner, and had scrambled88, wet and shivering, into the Passy omnibus, its great, grinding wheels took up the derisive89 burden — “Never see him, never see him again.”
All that was only two weeks ago, and here she was, as happy as a lark90, mounting the hill to his door in the spring sunshine. So weak a heart did not deserve such a radiant fate; and Lizzie said to herself that she would never again distrust her star.
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1
foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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bleaching
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| 漂白法，漂白 | |
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ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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trudge
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| v.步履艰难地走；n.跋涉，费力艰难的步行 | |
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zeal
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| n.热心，热情，热忱 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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greasy
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| adj. 多脂的，油脂的 | |
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consecutive
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| adj.连续的，联贯的，始终一贯的 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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gallantly
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| adv. 漂亮地，勇敢地，献殷勤地 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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lavished
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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anecdotes
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| n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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edifying
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| adj.有教训意味的，教训性的，有益的v.开导，启发( edify的现在分词 ) | |
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prattle
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| n.闲谈；v.（小孩般）天真无邪地说话；发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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exclusion
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| n.拒绝，排除，排斥，远足，远途旅行 | |
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intervention
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| n.介入，干涉，干预 | |
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profanely
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| adv.渎神地，凡俗地 | |
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intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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rite
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| n.典礼，惯例，习俗 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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stoic
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| n.坚忍克己之人，禁欲主义者 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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grudged
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| 怀恨（grudge的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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insistence
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| n.坚持；强调；坚决主张 | |
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wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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waylaid
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| v.拦截，拦路( waylay的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tarnish
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| n.晦暗，污点；vt.使失去光泽；玷污 | |
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penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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penitence
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| n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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laurels
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| n.桂冠，荣誉 | |
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thwarted
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| 阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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proficiency
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| n.精通，熟练，精练 | |
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tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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stranded
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| a.搁浅的，进退两难的 | |
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52
isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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53
eminent
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| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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55
miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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precarious
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| adj.不安定的，靠不住的；根据不足的 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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61
sequestered
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| adj.扣押的；隐退的；幽静的；偏僻的v.使隔绝，使隔离( sequester的过去式和过去分词 )；扣押 | |
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avowal
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| n.公开宣称，坦白承认 | |
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merged
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| （使）混合( merge的过去式和过去分词 )； 相融； 融入； 渐渐消失在某物中 | |
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haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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fatality
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| n.不幸，灾祸，天命 | |
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67
outlet
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| n.出口/路；销路；批发商店；通风口；发泄 | |
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competence
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| n.能力，胜任，称职 | |
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azure
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| adj.天蓝色的，蔚蓝色的 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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71
syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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72
chiseled
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| adj.凿刻的，轮廓分明的v.凿，雕，镌( chisel的过去式 ) | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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74
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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aquarium
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| n.水族馆，养鱼池，玻璃缸 | |
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austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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recoiled
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| v.畏缩( recoil的过去式和过去分词 )；退缩；报应；返回 | |
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78
scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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79
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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80
homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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81
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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82
grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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83
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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84
isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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85
subterranean
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| adj.地下的，地表下的 | |
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86
windings
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| （道路、河流等）蜿蜒的，弯曲的( winding的名词复数 )； 缠绕( wind的现在分词 )； 卷绕； 转动（把手） | |
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87
monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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88
scrambled
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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89
derisive
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| adj.嘲弄的 | |
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90
lark
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| n.云雀，百灵鸟；n.嬉戏，玩笑；vi.嬉戏 | |
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