As for St. Cleeve, the tardiness8 of his awakening9 was the natural result of inexperience combined with devotion to a hobby. But, like a spring bud hard in bursting, the delay was compensated10 by after speed. At once breathlessly recognizing in this fellow-watcher of the skies a woman who loved him, in addition to the patroness and friend, he truly translated the nearly forgotten kiss she had given him in her moment of despair.
Lady Constantine, in being eight or nine years his senior, was an object even better calculated to nourish a youth’s first passion than a girl of his own age, superiority of experience and ripeness of emotion exercising the same peculiar11 fascination12 over him as over other young men in their first ventures in this kind.
The alchemy which thus transmuted13 an abstracted astronomer14 into an eager lover — and, must it be said, spoilt a promising15 young physicist16 to produce a common-place inamorato — may be almost described as working its change in one short night. Next morning he was so fascinated with the novel sensation that he wanted to rush off at once to Lady Constantine, and say, ‘I love you true!’ in the intensest tones of his mental condition, to register his assertion in her heart before any of those accidents which ‘creep in ‘twixt vows17, and change decrees of kings,’ should occur to hinder him. But his embarrassment18 at standing19 in a new position towards her would not allow him to present himself at her door in any such hurry. He waited on, as helplessly as a girl, for a chance of encountering her.
But though she had tacitly agreed to see him on any reasonable occasion, Lady Constantine did not put herself in his way. She even kept herself out of his way. Now that for the first time he had learnt to feel a strong impatience20 for their meeting, her shyness for the first time led her to delay it. But given two people living in one parish, who long from the depths of their hearts to be in each other’s company, what resolves of modesty21, policy, pride, or apprehension22 will keep them for any length of time apart?
One afternoon he was watching the sun from his tower, half echoing the Greek astronomer’s wish that he might be set close to that luminary23 for the wonder of beholding24 it in all its glory, under the slight penalty of being consumed the next instant. He glanced over the high-road between the field and the park (which sublunary features now too often distracted his attention from his telescope), and saw her passing along that way.
She was seated in the donkey-carriage that had now taken the place of her landau, the white animal looking no larger than a cat at that distance. The buttoned boy, who represented both coachman and footman, walked alongside the animal’s head at a solemn pace; the dog stalked at the distance of a yard behind the vehicle, without indulging in a single gambol25; and the whole turn-out resembled in dignity a dwarfed26 state procession.
Here was an opportunity but for two obstructions27: the boy, who might be curious; and the dog, who might bark and attract the attention of any labourers or servants near. Yet the risk was to be run, and, knowing that she would soon turn up a certain shady lane at right angles to the road she had followed, he ran hastily down the staircase, crossed the barley28 (which now covered the field) by the path not more than a foot wide that he had trodden for himself, and got into the lane at the other end. By slowly walking along in the direction of the turnpike-road he soon had the satisfaction of seeing her coming. To his surprise he also had the satisfaction of perceiving that neither boy nor dog was in her company.
They both blushed as they approached, she from sex, he from inexperience. One thing she seemed to see in a moment, that in the interval29 of her absence St. Cleeve had become a man; and as he greeted her with this new and maturer light in his eyes she could not hide her embarrassment, or meet their fire.
‘I have just sent my page across to the column with your book on Cometary Nuclei,’ she said softly; ‘that you might not have to come to the house for it. I did not know I should meet you here.’
‘Didn’t you wish me to come to the house for it?’
‘I did not, frankly30. You know why, do you not?’
‘Yes, I know. Well, my longing31 is at rest. I have met you again. But are you unwell, that you drive out in this chair?’
‘No; I walked out this morning, and am a little tired.’
‘I have been looking for you night and day. Why do you turn your face aside? You used not to be so.’ Her hand rested on the side of the chair, and he took it. ‘Do you know that since we last met, I have been thinking of you — daring to think of you — as I never thought of you before?’
‘Yes, I know it.’
‘How did you know?’
‘I saw it in your face when you came up.’
‘Well, I suppose I ought not to think of you so. And yet, had I not learned to, I should never fully6 have felt how gentle and sweet you are. Only think of my loss if I had lived and died without seeing more in you than in astronomy! But I shall never leave off doing so now. When you talk I shall love your understanding; when you are silent I shall love your face. But how shall I know that you care to be so much to me?’
Her manner was disturbed as she recognized the impending32 self-surrender, which she knew not how to resist, and was not altogether at ease in welcoming.
‘O, Lady Constantine,’ he continued, bending over her, ‘give me some proof more than mere33 seeming and inference, which are all I have at present, that you don’t think this I tell you of presumption34 in me! I have been unable to do anything since I last saw you for pondering uncertainly on this. Some proof, or little sign, that we are one in heart!’
A blush settled again on her face; and half in effort, half in spontaneity, she put her finger on her cheek. He almost devotionally kissed the spot.
‘Does that suffice?’ she asked, scarcely giving her words voice.
‘Yes; I am convinced.’
‘Then that must be the end. Let me drive on; the boy will be back again soon.’ She spoke35 hastily, and looked askance to hide the heat of her cheek.
‘No; the tower door is open, and he will go to the top, and waste his time in looking through the telescope.’
‘Then you should rush back, for he will do some damage.’
‘No; he may do what he likes, tinker and spoil the instrument, destroy my papers — anything, so that he will stay there and leave us alone.’
She glanced up with a species of pained pleasure.
‘You never used to feel like that!’ she said, and there was keen self-reproach in her voice. ‘You were once so devoted36 to your science that the thought of an intruder into your temple would have driven you wild. Now you don’t care; and who is to blame? Ah, not you, not you!’
The animal ambled37 on with her, and he, leaning on the side of the little vehicle, kept her company.
‘Well, don’t let us think of that,’ he said. ‘I offer myself and all my energies, frankly and entirely38, to you, my dear, dear lady, whose I shall be always! But my words in telling you this will only injure my meaning instead of emphasize it. In expressing, even to myself, my thoughts of you, I find that I fall into phrases which, as a critic, I should hitherto have heartily39 despised for their commonness. What’s the use of saying, for instance, as I have just said, that I give myself entirely to you, and shall be yours always — that you have my devotion, my highest homage40? Those words have been used so frequently in a flippant manner that honest use of them is not distinguishable from the unreal.’ He turned to her, and added, smiling, ‘Your eyes are to be my stars for the future.’
‘Yes, I know it — I know it, and all you would say! I dreaded41 even while I hoped for this, my dear young friend,’ she replied, her eyes being full of tears. ‘I am injuring you; who knows that I am not ruining your future — I who ought to know better? Nothing can come of this, nothing must — and I am only wasting your time. Why have I drawn42 you off from a grand celestial43 study to study poor lonely me? Say you will never despise me, when you get older, for this episode in our lives. But you will — I know you will! All men do, when they have been attracted in their unsuspecting youth, as I have attracted you. I ought to have kept my resolve.’
‘What was that?’
‘To bear anything rather than draw you from your high purpose; to be like the noble citizen of old Greece, who, attending a sacrifice, let himself be burnt to the bone by a coal that jumped into his sleeve rather than disturb the sacred ceremony.’
‘But can I not study and love both?’
‘I hope so — I earnestly hope so. But you’ll be the first if you do, and I am the responsible one if you do not.’
‘You speak as if I were quite a child, and you immensely older. Why, how old do you think I am? I am twenty.’
‘You seem younger. Well, that’s so much the better. Twenty sounds strong and firm. How old do you think I am?’
‘I have never thought of considering.’ He innocently turned to scrutinize44 her face. She winced45 a little. But the instinct was premature46. Time had taken no liberties with her features as yet; nor had trouble very roughly handled her.
‘I will tell you,’ she replied, speaking almost with physical pain, yet as if determination should carry her through. ‘I am eight-and-twenty — nearly — I mean a little more, a few months more. Am I not a fearful deal older than you?’
‘At first it seems a great deal,’ he answered, musing47. ‘But it doesn’t seem much when one gets used to it.’
‘Nonsense!’ she exclaimed. ‘It IS a good deal.’
‘Very well, then, sweetest Lady Constantine, let it be,’ he said gently.
‘You should not let it be! A polite man would have flatly contradicted me. . . . O I am ashamed of this!’ she added a moment after, with a subdued48, sad look upon the ground. ‘I am speaking by the card of the outer world, which I have left behind utterly49; no such lip service is known in your sphere. I care nothing for those things, really; but that which is called the Eve in us will out sometimes. Well, we will forget that now, as we must, at no very distant date, forget all the rest of this.’
He walked beside her thoughtfully awhile, with his eyes also bent50 on the road. ‘Why must we forget it all?’ he inquired.
‘It is only an interlude.’
‘An interlude! It is no interlude to me. O how can you talk so lightly of this, Lady Constantine? And yet, if I were to go away from here, I might, perhaps, soon reduce it to an interlude! Yes,’ he resumed impulsively51, ‘I will go away. Love dies, and it is just as well to strangle it in its birth; it can only die once! I’ll go.’
‘No, no!’ she said, looking up apprehensively52. ‘I misled you. It is no interlude to me — it is tragical53. I only meant that from a worldly point of view it is an interlude, which we should try to forget. But the world is not all. You will not go away?’
But he continued drearily54, ‘Yes, yes, I see it all; you have enlightened me. It will be hurting your prospects55 even more than mine, if I stay. Now Sir Blount is dead, you are free again — may marry where you will, but for this fancy of ours. I’ll leave Welland before harm comes of my staying.’
‘Don’t decide to do a thing so rash!’ she begged, seizing his hand, and looking miserable56 at the effect of her words. ‘I shall have nobody left in the world to care for! And now I have given you the great telescope, and lent you the column, it would be ungrateful to go away! I was wrong; believe me that I did not mean that it was a mere interlude to ME. O if you only knew how very, very far it is from that! It is my doubt of the result to you that makes me speak so slightingly.’
They were now approaching cross-roads, and casually57 looking up they beheld58, thirty or forty yards beyond the crossing, Mr. Torkingham, who was leaning over a gate, his back being towards them. As yet he had not recognized their approach.
The master-passion had already supplanted59 St. Cleeve’s natural ingenuousness60 by subtlety61.
‘Would it be well for us to meet Mr. Torkingham just now?’ he began.
‘Certainly not,’ she said hastily, and pulling the rein62 she instantly drove down the right-hand road. ‘I cannot meet anybody!’ she murmured. ‘Would it not be better that you leave me now? — not for my pleasure, but that there may arise no distressing63 tales about us before we know — how to act in this — this’—(she smiled faintly at him) ‘heartaching extremity64!’
They were passing under a huge oak-tree, whose limbs, irregular with shoulders, knuckles65, and elbows, stretched horizontally over the lane in a manner recalling Absalom’s death. A slight rustling66 was perceptible amid the leafage as they drew out from beneath it, and turning up his eyes Swithin saw that very buttoned page whose advent67 they had dreaded, looking down with interest at them from a perch68 not much higher than a yard above their heads. He had a bunch of oak-apples in one hand, plainly the object of his climb, and was furtively69 watching Lady Constantine with the hope that she might not see him. But that she had already done, though she did not reveal it, and, fearing that the latter words of their conversation had been overheard, they spoke not till they had passed the next turning.
She stretched out her hand to his. ‘This must not go on,’ she said imploringly70. ‘My anxiety as to what may be said of such methods of meeting makes me too unhappy. See what has happened!’ She could not help smiling. ‘Out of the frying-pan into the fire! After meanly turning to avoid the parson we have rushed into a worse publicity71. It is too humiliating to have to avoid people, and lowers both you and me. The only remedy is not to meet.’
‘Very well,’ said Swithin, with a sigh. ‘So it shall be.’
And with smiles that might more truly have been tears they parted there and then.
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1
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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3
unstable
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| adj.不稳定的，易变的 | |
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mettle
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| n.勇气，精神 | |
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fervid
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| adj.热情的；炽热的 | |
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6
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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7
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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8
tardiness
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| n.缓慢；迟延；拖拉 | |
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9
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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10
compensated
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| 补偿，报酬( compensate的过去式和过去分词 )； 给（某人）赔偿（或赔款） | |
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11
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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12
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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13
transmuted
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| v.使变形，使变质，把…变成…( transmute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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14
astronomer
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| n.天文学家 | |
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15
promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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16
physicist
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| n.物理学家，研究物理学的人 | |
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17
vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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18
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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19
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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20
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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21
modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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22
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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23
luminary
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| n.名人，天体 | |
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24
beholding
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| v.看，注视( behold的现在分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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25
gambol
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| v.欢呼，雀跃 | |
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26
dwarfed
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| vt.（使）显得矮小（dwarf的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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27
obstructions
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| n.障碍物( obstruction的名词复数 )；阻碍物；阻碍；阻挠 | |
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28
barley
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| n.大麦，大麦粒 | |
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29
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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30
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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31
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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32
impending
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| a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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33
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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35
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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36
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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37
ambled
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| v.（马）缓行( amble的过去式和过去分词 )；从容地走，漫步 | |
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38
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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40
homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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41
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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42
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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43
celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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44
scrutinize
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| n.详细检查，细读 | |
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45
winced
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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46
premature
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| adj.比预期时间早的；不成熟的，仓促的 | |
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47
musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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48
subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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49
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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50
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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51
impulsively
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| adv.冲动地 | |
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52
apprehensively
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| adv.担心地 | |
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53
tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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54
drearily
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| 沉寂地，厌倦地，可怕地 | |
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55
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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56
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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57
casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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58
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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59
supplanted
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| 把…排挤掉，取代( supplant的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60
ingenuousness
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| n.率直；正直；老实 | |
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61
subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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62
rein
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| n.疆绳，统治，支配；vt.以僵绳控制，统治 | |
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63
distressing
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| a.使人痛苦的 | |
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64
extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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65
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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66
rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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67
advent
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| n.(重要事件等的)到来，来临 | |
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68
perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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69
furtively
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| adv. 偷偷地, 暗中地 | |
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70
imploringly
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| adv. 恳求地, 哀求地 | |
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71
publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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