“Mine own Beatrice, do not now vex3 yourself with these recollections; you must seek calm and peace alone; let memory go to its grave.”
“Nay, you must know all,” replied Beatrice, peevishly7; “why do you baulk me? indeed I do best when I follow my own smallest inclinations9; for, when I try to combat them, I am again ill, as I was this morning. Sit beside me; I will make room for you on my couch; give me your hand, but turn away your soft eyes; and now I will tell you every thing.
“You know that I loved Castruccio; how much I need hardly tell: I loved him beyond human love, for I thought heaven itself had interfered10 to unite us. I thought — alas11! it is with aching pain that I recollect4 my wild dreams, — that we two were chosen from the rest of the world, gifted with celestial12 faculties13. It appeared to me to be a dispensation of Providence14, that I should have met him at the full height of my glory, when I was burning with triumph and joy. I do not think, my own Euthanasia, that you can ever have experienced the vigour16 and fire of my sensations. Victory in an almost desperate struggle, success in art, love itself, are earthly feelings, subject to change and death; but, when these three most exquisite17 sensations are bestowed18 by the visible intervention19 of heaven, thus giving security to the unstable20, and eternity21 to what is fleeting22, such an event fills the over-brimming cup, intoxicates23 the brain, and renders her who feels them more than mortal.
“Victory and glory I had, and an assurance of divine inspiration; the fame of what I was, was spread among the people of my country; then love came, and flattered, and softened24, and overcame me. Well, that I will pass over: to conceive that all I felt was human, common, and now faded, disgusts me, and makes me look back with horror to my lost paradise. Castruccio left me; and I sat I cannot tell how long, white, immoveable, and entranced; hours, I believe days, passed; I cannot tell, for in truth I think I was mad. Yet I was silent; not a word, not a tear, not a sound escaped me, until some one mentioned the name of Castruccio before me, and then I wept. I did not rave6 or weep aloud; I crept about like a shadow, brooding over my own thoughts, and trying to divine the mystery of my destiny.
“At length I went to my good father, the bishop25; I knelt down before him: ‘Rise, dear child,’ he said; ‘how pale you are! what has quenched26 the fire of your brilliant eyes?’
“‘Father, holy father,’ I replied, ‘I will not rise till you answer me one question.’ — My looks were haggard with want of rest; my tangled27 locks fell on my neck; my glazed28 eyes could scarcely distinguish any object.
“‘My blessed Beatrice,’ said the good old man, ‘you are much unlike yourself: but speak; I know that you can ask nothing that I can refuse to tell.’
“‘Tell me then, by your hopes of heaven,’ I cried, ‘whether fraud was used in the Judgement of God that I underwent, or how I escaped the fearful burning of the hot shares.’
“Tears started in my father’s eyes; he rose, and embraced me, and, lifting me up, said with passion, — ‘Thank God! my prayers are fulfilled. Beatrice, you shall not be deceived, you will no longer deceive yourself; and do not be unhappy, but joy that the deceit is removed from you, and that you may return from your wild and feverish29 ecstasies30 to a true and real piety31.’
“‘This is all well,’ I replied calmly; ‘but tell me truly how it happened.’
“‘That I cannot, my child, for I was myself kept in the dark; I only know that fraud was most certainly practised for your deliverance. My child, we have all of us much erred32; you less than any; for you have been deceived, led away by your feelings and imagination to believe yourself that which you are not.’
“I will not repeat to you all that the bishop said; it was severe, but kind. First he shewed me, how I had deceived myself, and nourished ecstasies and transports of the soul which were in no way allied33 to holiness; and then he told me now I must repair my faults by deep humility34, prayer, and a steady faith in that alone which others taught, not what I myself imagined. I listened silently; but I heard every word; I was very docile35; I believed all he said; and although my soul bled with its agony, I accused none, none but myself. At first I thought that I would tell my countrymen of their deception36. But, unsupported by my supernatural powers, I now shrunk from all display; no veil, no wall could conceal37 me sufficiently38; for it could not hide me from myself. My very powers of speech deserted39 me, and I could not articulate a syllable40; I listened, my eyes bent41 on the earth, my cheek pale; I listened until I almost became marble. At length the good old man ceased; and, with many words of affectionate comfort, he bade me go and make firm peace with my own heart, and that then he hoped to teach me a calm road to happiness. Happiness! surely I must have been stone; for I neither frowned in despite, nor laughed in derision, when that term was applied42 to any thing that I could hereafter feel. I kissed his hand, and withdrew.
“Did you ever feel true humility? a prostration43 of soul, that accuses itself alone, and asks pardon of a superior power with entire penitence44, and a confiding45 desertion of all self-merit, a persuasion46 intimate and heartfelt of one’s own unworthiness? That was what I felt; I had been vain, proud, presumptuous47; now I fell to utter poverty of spirit; yet it was not poverty, for there was a richness in my penitence which reminded me of the sacred text, that says ‘Oh, that my head were water, and mine eyes a fountain of tears!’
“Then succeeded to this mental humiliation48, a desire to mortify49 and punish myself for my temerity50 and mistakes. I was possessed51 by a spirit of martyrdom. Sometimes I thought that I would again undergo the Judgement of God fairly and justly: but now I shrunk from public exhibition; besides, the good bishop had strongly reprobated these temptations of God’s justice. At other times I thought that I would confess all to my excellent father; and this perhaps is what I ought to have done; what would really have caused me to regain52 a part of the calm that I had lost; but I could not; womanly shame forbade me; death would have been a far preferable alternative. At length an idea struck me, that seemed to my overstrained feelings to transcend53 all other penitence; a wretchedness and anguish54 that might well redeem55 my exceeding sins.
“Think you that, while I thus humbled56 myself, I forgot Castruccio? Never! the love I bore him clung around me, festered on my soul, and kept me ever alive to pain. Love him! I adored him; to whisper his name only in solitude58, where none could hear my voice but my own most attentive59 ear, thrilled me with transport. I tried to banish60 him from my thoughts; he recurred61 in my dreams, which I could not control. I saw him there, beautiful as his real self, and my heart was burnt by my emotion. Well; it was on this excess of love that I built my penitence, which was to go as a pilgrim and ask alms of you. Euthanasia! I only knew your name; the very idea of seeing you made me shiver. It was three months before I could steel my heart to this resolve. I saw none; I spoke62 to none; I was occupied by my meditations63 alone, and those were deep and undermining as the ocean.
“Well; as I have said, I dwelt long and deeply upon my plan, until every moment seemed a crime, that went by before I put it in execution. The long winter passed thus; my poor mother, the lady Marchesana, watched me, as a child might watch a favourite bird fluttering in the agonies of death. She saw that some mysterious and painful feeling oppressed me, that I no longer appeared in public, that I shunned64 the worship of my admirers, that the spirit of prophecy was dead within me; but I was silent, and reserved; and her reverence65 for me (Good angels! her reverence for me!) prevented any enquiries. In the spring the bishop Marsilio was promoted to another see, and he was obliged to go to Avignon to receive the investiture. Excellent and beloved old man! he blessed me, and kissed me, and with words of affectionate advice departed. I have never seen him more.
“When he was gone, the labour of my departure was lightened; and in gentle and hesitating words I told my best and loved mother that I had vowed66 a pilgrimage to Rome: she wished to accompany me. Those were heart-breaking scenes, my Euthanasia, when I left all my friends, all who loved me, and whom I had ever loved: I knew that I should never see them again. How did I know this? In truth, after having performed my vow67 with regard to you, I intended to visit the sepulchres at Rome; and I might then have returned. I was no prophetess; and yet I felt that mine was not a simple pilgrimage, but an eternal separation from all former associations, from every one I had ever known. Thus, hopeless of future good, I deserted all that yet rendered life in any degree sufferable: I did this to satisfy my sense of duty, to do homage68 to the divinity by some atonement for his violated laws: I did this; and henceforward I was to be an outcast, a poor lonely shrub69 on a bleak70 heath, a single reed in a vast and overflowing71 river.
“I had known too much luxury in my youth; every one loved me, and tended on me; I had seen about me eyes beaming with affection, smiles all my own, words of deep interest and respect, that had become to me a second nature. I departed alone at four in the morning from Ferrara by the secret entrance of the viscountess’s palace, on a clear and lovely day in the spring. I was dressed as the meanest pilgrim, and I carefully hid my white hands and fair cheeks, which might have betrayed my way of life during the past; except indeed when I was alone, — then I loved to throw off my cloak, to bare my arms, my face, my neck to the scorching72 sun-beams, that I might the sooner destroy a delicacy73 I despised: the work was quickly done; a few hours exposure to the sun of noon burnt up my skin, and made it red and common.
“The first day was one of unmixed pain; the sun parched74 my frame; my feet were blistered75, my limbs ached; I walked all day, until bodily fatigue76 lulled77 my mental anguish, for I was unhappy beyond all words. Alone, deserted by God and man, I had lost my firm support, my belief in my own powers; I had lost my friends, and I found, that the vain, self-sufficing, cloud — inhabiting Beatrice was in truth a poor dependent creature, whose heart sunk, when in the evening she came to a clear brook78 running through a little wood, and she found no cup to drink, and no dainties to satisfy her appetite. I dragged my weary limbs three miles further, to an hospital for pilgrims, and repined over my coarse fare and coarser bed:— I, the ethereal prophetess, who fancied that I could feed upon air and beautiful thoughts, who had regarded my body but as a servant to my will, to hunger and thirst only as I bade it.
“Alone! alone! I travelled on day after day, in short, but wearisome journeys, and I felt the pain of utter and forced solitude; the burning sun shone, and the dews fell at evening, but there was no breeze, no coolness to refresh me; the nights were close, and my limbs, dried with the scorching of the day, and stiff with walking, burned all night as if a furnace had glowed within them. Were those slight evils? Alas! I was a spoiled child, and I felt every pain as an agony.
“I felt ill; I caught cold one evening, when just after sunset I threw myself down to rest under a tree, and the unwholesome dew fell upon me. I got a low fever, which for a long time I did not understand, feeling one day well, and the next feverish, cold, and languid. Some attendant nuns79 at an hospital found out my disorder80, and nursed me; I was confined for six weeks; and, when I issued forth81, little of the fire of my eyes, or of the beauty the lady Marchesana used to dwell upon, out-lived this attack. — I was yellow, meagre, — a shadow of what I had been.
“My journey to your castle was very long. I crossed the Apennines during the summer, and passing through Florence I arrived at Pistoia in the beginning of June. But now my heart again failed; I heard of your name, your prosperity, your beauty, the respect and adoration82 you every where excited: it was a double penance83 to humble57 myself before so excelling a rival. If you had been worthless, a self-contenting pride would have eased my wounds, but to do homage to my equal — oh! to one far my superior, — was a new lesson to my stubborn soul. I remained nearly three months at Pistoia, very unhappy, hesitating, — cast about, as a boat that for ever shifts its sail, but can never find the right wind to lead it into port.
“I visited you in September; do you remember my coming? do you remember my hesitating gait, and low and trembling voice? I was giddy — sick — I thought that death was upon me, for that nothing but that great change could cause such an annihilation of my powers, such an utter sinking of my spirit. A cold dew stood upon my forehead, my eyes were glazed and sightless, my limbs trembled as with convulsions. Castruccio loved you! Castruccio! it is long since I have mentioned his name: during this weary journey never did his loved image for a moment quit its temple, its fane, its only home, that it still and for ever fills. Love him! it was madness; yet I did; — yet I do; — put your hand upon my heart, — does it not beat fast?”
Euthanasia kissed poor Beatrice’s forehead; and, after a short pause, she continued:
“My penance was completed, yet I did not triumph; an unconquerable sadness hung over me; miserable84 dreams haunted my sleep; and their recollected85 images strayed among my day — thoughts, as thin and grim ghosts, frightening and astounding86 me. Once, — I can never forget, — I had been oppressed for several days by an overpowering and black melancholy87, for which I could in no manner account; it was not regret or grief; it was a sinking, an annihilation of all my mental powers in which I was a passive sufferer, as if the shadow of some mightier88 spirit was cast over to darken and depress me. I was haunted as by a prophecy, or rather a sense of evil, which I could neither define nor understand. Three evenings after, as I sat beside a quiet spring that lulled me almost to insensibility, the cause of my mournful reveries suddenly flashed across me; it stalked on my recollection, as a terrific and gigantic shadow, and made me almost die with terror. The memory of a dream flashed across me. Again and again I have dreamed this dream, and always on the eve of some great misfortune. It is my genius, my d?mon. What was it? there was something said, something done, a scene portrayed89. Listen attentively90, I intreat; there was a wide plain flooded by the waters of an overflowing river, the road was dry, being on the side of a hill above the level of the plain, and I kept along the path which declined, wondering if I should come to an insurmountable obstacle; at a distance before me they were driving a flock of sheep; on my left, on the side of the hill, there was a ruined circuit of wall, which inclosed the dilapidated houses of a deserted town; at some distance a dreary91, large, ruinous house, half like a castle, yet without a tower, dilapidated, and overgrown with moss92, was dimly seen, islanded by the flood on which it cast a night-black shade; the scirocco blew, and covered the sky with fleecy clouds; and the mists in the distance hovered93 low over the plain; a bat above me wheeled around. Then something happened, what I cannot now tell, terrific it most certainly was; Euthanasia, there is something in this strange world, that we none of us understand.
“Euthanasia, I came to that scene; if I live, I did! I saw it all as I had before seen it in the slumbers94 of the night. Great God, what am I? I am frailer95 than the first autumnal leaf that falls; I am overpowered.”
She paused sobbing96 with passion; a clinging horror fell upon Euthanasia; they were for a long time silent, and then Beatrice in a low subdued97 voice continued:
“I had returned to Florence; I had passed through Arezzo; I had left Thrasymene to the north; I had passed through Perugia, Foligno, and Terni, and was descending98 towards the plain surrounding Rome; the Tiber had overflowed99, the whole of the low country was under water; but I proceeded, descending the mountains, until, having passed Narni, I came to the lowest hill which bounds the Campagna di Roma; the scirocco blew; the mists were on the hills, and half concealed100 the head of lone5 Soracte; the white waters, cold and dreary, were spread far, waste and shelterless; on my left was a high dark wall surrounding a ruined town — I looked, — some way beyond I saw on the road a flock of sheep almost lost in the distance, — my brain was troubled, I grew dizzy and sick, — when my glazed eyes caught a glance of an old, large, dilapidated house islanded in the flood, — the dream flashed across my memory; I uttered a wild shriek101, and fell lifeless on the road.
“I again awoke, but all was changed: I was lying on a couch, in a vast apartment, whose loose tapestries102 waved and sighed in the wind; — near me were two boys holding torches which flared103, and their black smoke was driven across my eyes; an old woman was chafing104 my temples. — I turned my head from the light of the torches, and then I first saw my wicked and powerful enemy: he leaned against the wall, observing me; his eyes had a kind of fascination105 in them, and, unknowing what I did, hardly conscious that he was a human creature, (indeed for a time it appeared to me only a continuation of my dream,) I gazed on his face, which became illuminated106 by a proud, triumphant107, fiendlike smile. — I felt sick at heart, and relapsed into a painful swoon.
“Well: I promised to be brief, and I go on dwelling108 on the particulars of my tale, until your fair cheek is blanched109 still whiter by fear. But I have said enough, nor will I tell that which would chill your warm blood with horror. I remained three years in this house; and what I saw, and what I endured, is a tale for the unhallowed ears of infidels, or for those who have lost humanity in the sight of blood, and not for so tender a heart as yours. It has changed me, much changed me, to have been witness of these scenes; I entered young, I came out grey, old and withered110; I went in innocent; and, if innocence111 consist in ignorance, I am now guilty of the knowledge of crime, which it would seem that fiends alone could contrive112.
“What was he, who was the author and mechanist of these crimes? he bore a human name; they say that his lineage was human; yet could he be a man? During the day he was absent; at night he returned, and his roofs rung with the sounds of festivity, mingled113 with shrieks114 and imprecations. It was the carnival115 of devils, when we miserable victims were dragged out to —
“Enough! enough! Euthanasia, do you wonder I, who have been the slave of incarnate116 Evil, should have become a Paterin?
“That time has passed as a dream. Often my faculties were exerted to the utmost; my energies alive, at work, combating; — but I struggled against victory, and was ever vanquished117. I have seen the quiet stars shine, and the shadow of the grated window of the hall lie upon the moon-enlightened pavement, and it crawled along silently as I had observed it in childhood, so that truly I inhabited the same world as you, — yet how different! Animal life was the same; the household dog knew, and was at last obedient to my voice; the cat slumbered118 in the sun; — what was the influence that hung alone over the mind of man, rendering119 it cruel, hard and fiendlike?
“And who was the author of these ills? There was something about him that might be called beautiful; but it was the beauty of the tiger, of lightning, of the cataract120 that destroys. Obedience121 waited on his slightest motion; for he made none, that did not command; his followers122 worshipped him, but it was as a savage123 might worship the god of evil. His slaves dared not murmur124; — his eyes beamed with irresistible125 fire, his smile was as death. I hated him; and I alone among his many victims was not quelled126 to submission127. I cursed him — I poured forth eloquent128 and tumultuous maledictions on his head, until I changed his detested129 love into less dreadful, less injurious hate. Yet then I did not escape; his boiling and hideous131 passions, turned to revenge, now endeavoured to wreak132 themselves in my misery133. These limbs, my Euthanasia, have been wrenched134 in tortures; cold, famine and thirst have kept like blood-hounds a perpetual watch upon my wearied life; yet I still live to remember and to curse.
“But, though life survived these rending135 struggles, my reason sank beneath them! — I became mad. Oh! dearest friend, may you never know what I suffered, when I perceived the shadow of a false vision overpower me, and my sickening throes, when the bars of my dungeon136, its low roof, and black thick air, would, as it were, peer upon me with a stifling137 sense of reality amidst my insane transports. I struggled to recall my reason, and to preserve it; I wept, I prayed; — but I was again lost; and the fire that dwelt in my brain gave unnatural138 light to every object. But I must speak of that no more; methinks I again feel, what it is madness only to recollect.
“I told you that I remained for three years in this infernal house. You can easily imagine how slowly the days and nights succeeded one to another, each adding to my age, each adding one misery more to my list. Still I was the slave of him, who was a man in form alone, and of his companions, who, if they did not equal him in malice139, yet were more vile140, more treacherous141, than he. At length the Pope’s party besieged142 the castle. The many crimes of its possessor had drawn143 on him the hatred144 of the country round; and the moment that a leader appeared, the whole peasantry flocked as to a crusade to destroy their oppressor. He was destroyed. I saw him die, calm, courageous145 and unrepenting. I stood alone near his couch of blood-stained cloaks thrown in a heap upon the floor, on which when he staggered into the room he had fallen; he asked me for a cup of water; I raised his head, and gave him to drink; he said — ‘I feel new strength, I shall be better soon.’ And, saying those words, he died.
“I was now free. I arose from the floor on which I knelt; and dividing from my eyes my hair dabbled146 in his blood, I cut off with his dagger147 the long and dripping locks, and threw them on his body. I disguised me in the clothes of one of his pages, and hid myself, until by the submission of his followers the outlet148 from my prison should be free. As I said before, it was more a vast palace than a castle, being without towers or battlements; but it was fortified149 by numberless ditches and other obstacles, apparently150 small, yet which, defended by slingers and archers151, became almost impregnable. But when the chief died, these were deserted; and the partners of his rapine and his feasts filled the air with their savage lamentations. The fortress152 was taken; and I escaped to the mountains, the wild, wild mountains, — I sought them as a home after my long and painful imprisonment153.
“I was now free. The ilex trees shaded me; the waters murmured beside me; the sweet winds passed over my cheeks. I felt new life. I was no longer a haggard prisoner, the despairing victim of others’ crimes, the inhabitant of the dark and blood — stained walls of a house, which hedged me in on all sides, and interrupted the free course of my health even in sleep. I was again Beatrice; I again felt the long absent sensations of joy: it was paradise to me, to see the stars of heaven, unimpeded by the grates of my dungeon-windows, to walk, to rest, to think, to speak, uninterrupted and unheard. I became delirious154 with joy; I embraced the rough trunks of the old trees, as if they were my sisters in freedom and delight; — I took up in my hand the sparkling waters of the stream, and scattered155 them to the winds; — I threw myself on the earth, I kissed the rocks, I raved156 with tumultuous pleasure. Free! free! I can run, until my strength fails; I can rest on a mossy bank, until my strength returns; I hear the waving of the branches; I see the flight of the birds; I can lie on the grassy157 floor of my mother-earth so long unvisited; and I can call nature my own again. It was autumn, and the underwood of the forest had strewn the ground with its withered leaves; the arbutus-berries, chestnuts158, and other fruits satisfied my appetite. I felt no want, no fatigue; the common shapes of this world seemed arrayed in unusual loveliness, to welcome and feast me on my new-found liberty.
“I wandered many days, and penetrated159 into the wild country of the Abruzzi. But I was again lost: I know not what deprived me of reason thus, when I most needed it. Whether it were the joy, or the sudden change, attendant on a too intense sensation of freedom, which made me feel as if I interpenetrated all nature, alive and boundless160. I have recollections, as if sometimes I saw the woods, the green earth, and blue sky, and heard the roaring of a mighty161 waterfall which splashed me with its cold waters: but there is a blank, as of a deep, lethargic162 sleep; and many weeks passed before I awoke again, and entered upon the reality of life.
“I found myself in a cavern163 lying on the ground. It was night; and a solitary164 lamp burned, fastened to the wall of the cave; the half-extinguished ashes of a fire glimmered165 in a recess167; and a few utensils168 that appeared to have been intended for the preparing food, seemed to mark this as a human habitation. It was dry, and furnished with a few benches and a table, on which lay bread and fruits. I felt as if I had become the inhabitant of the dwelling of a spirit; and, with a strange, half-painful, half-pleasurable feeling, I raised an apple to my lips, that by its fragrance169 and taste I might assure myself that it was earthly. Then again I looked around for some fellow — creature. I found a narrow passage from my cave, which led to an inner apartment much smaller and very low; on the ground, on a bed of leaves lay an old man: his grey hairs were thinly strewn on his venerable temples, his beard white, flowing and soft, fell to his girdle; he smiled even in his sleep a gentle smile of benevolence171. I knelt down beside him; methought it was my excellent father, the lord Marsilio; but that there were greater traces of thought and care upon the fallen cheeks and wrinkled brow of this old man.
“He awoke: ‘My poor girl,’ he said, ‘what would you?’
“‘I wish to know where I am, and what I do here?’
“My words convinced my good protector, that the kindly172 sleep into which his medicines had thrown me, had restored my reason; and, it being now day-break, he arose, and opened the door of his cave. It was dug under the side of a mountain, covered by ivy173, wild vines, and other parasites174, and shaded by ilex trees; it opened on the edge of a small grassy platform, with a steep wall of rock behind, and a precipice175 before: the mountain in which it was scooped176, was one of many that inclosed a rugged177 valley; and, from one spot on the platform, I could distinguish a mass of waters falling with a tremendous crash, which were afterwards hidden by the inequalities of the mountain, and then were seen, a turbid178 and swift river, at the bottom of the valley. The lower sides of the mountain were covered with olive woods, whose sea-green colour contrasted with the dark ilex, and the fresh-budding leaves of a few chestnuts. I felt cold, and the mountain had just begun to be tipped by the rising sun; it seemed as if no path led to or from the platform, and that we were shut out from the whole world, suspended on the side of a rocky mountain.
“This cavern had been an hospital for me during the long winter months. The old man had found me straying wildly among the forests, complaining of the heavy chains that bound me, and the wrongs and imprisonment that I suffered. He, poor wretch2, was an outcast of his species, a heretic, a Paterin, who hid himself in the woods from the fury of the priests who would have destroyed him. He led me to his cave; he tended me as the kindest father; he restored me to reason, and even then did not desert me. He lived here quite alone; no one was intrusted with the secret of his retreat; at night, muffled179 up and disguised, he often went to seek for food, and again hastened back to peace and solitude.
“I partook his solitude for many months; at sunrise we quitted our dwelling, and enjoyed the fresh air, and the view of the sky and the hills, until the sight of the first countryman in the vale below warned us to retire. On moonlight nights we sat there; and, while she, lady of the night, moved slowly above us, and the stars twinkled around, we talked, and, in our conversations of faith, goodness and power, his doctrines180 unveiled to me, what had before been obscure, and from him I learned that creed181 which you hold in detestation, but which, believe me, has much to be said in its behalf.
“Look, dear Euthanasia, daylight has made dim the glimmer166 of your lamp, and bids me remember how often I have forgotten my promise to be brief in my relation; it is now almost finished. I soon greatly loved my kind guardian182; he was the gentlest and most amiable183 of mortals, wise as a Grecian sage170, fearless and independent. He died in torture: the bloodhounds hunted him from his den15; they bound his aged184 limbs; they dragged him to the stake. He died without dread130, I would fain believe almost without pain. Could these things be, oh, my preserver, best and most excellent of men? It were well befitting, that thou shouldst die thus, and that I lived, and still live.
“It were tedious to relate how all this passed; how I wept and prayed; how I escaped, and, half maddened by this misery, cursed the creation and its cruel laws. The rest is all uninteresting; I was returning from the task of carrying the last legacy185 of this old man to his daughter at Genoa, when I was seized in this town by the Inquisitors, and cast into prison, — you know the rest.
“And now, dearest friend, leave me. Having related the events of my past life, it makes me look on towards the future; it is not enough to rise every day, and then lie down to sleep; I would look on what I may become with firmness; I know that no creature in the whole world is so miserable as I; but I have not yet drained the cup of life; something still remains186 to be done.
“Yet one word, my Euthanasia, of Him who is the law of my life; and yet I dare not say what I thought of saying. You write to him about me sometimes; do you not? You may still; I would not check you in this. In truth he is the master of my fate; and it were well that he knew all that relates to me.”
Poor Beatrice then wept bitterly; but she waved her hand in sign that she would be left alone; and Euthanasia retired187. She had not slept the whole night, but she felt no inclination8 to rest. The last words of Beatrice seemed to imply that she wished that Castruccio should know her story; so she sat down, and wrote an abstract of it, while her eyes often filled with tears, as she related the wondrous188 miseries189 of the ill-fated prophetess.
点击收听单词发音
1 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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2 wretch | |
n.可怜的人,不幸的人;卑鄙的人 | |
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3 vex | |
vt.使烦恼,使苦恼 | |
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4 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
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5 lone | |
adj.孤寂的,单独的;唯一的 | |
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6 rave | |
vi.胡言乱语;热衷谈论;n.热情赞扬 | |
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7 peevishly | |
adv.暴躁地 | |
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8 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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9 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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10 interfered | |
v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 );调停;妨碍;干涉 | |
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11 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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12 celestial | |
adj.天体的;天上的 | |
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13 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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14 providence | |
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
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15 den | |
n.兽穴;秘密地方;安静的小房间,私室 | |
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16 vigour | |
(=vigor)n.智力,体力,精力 | |
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17 exquisite | |
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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18 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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19 intervention | |
n.介入,干涉,干预 | |
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20 unstable | |
adj.不稳定的,易变的 | |
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21 eternity | |
n.不朽,来世;永恒,无穷 | |
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22 fleeting | |
adj.短暂的,飞逝的 | |
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23 intoxicates | |
使喝醉(intoxicate的第三人称单数形式) | |
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24 softened | |
(使)变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 ); 缓解打击; 缓和; 安慰 | |
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25 bishop | |
n.主教,(国际象棋)象 | |
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26 quenched | |
解(渴)( quench的过去式和过去分词 ); 终止(某事物); (用水)扑灭(火焰等); 将(热物体)放入水中急速冷却 | |
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27 tangled | |
adj. 纠缠的,紊乱的 动词tangle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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28 glazed | |
adj.光滑的,像玻璃的;上过釉的;呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式);上釉于,上光;(目光)变得呆滞无神 | |
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29 feverish | |
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的 | |
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30 ecstasies | |
狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 ); 出神; 入迷; 迷幻药 | |
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31 piety | |
n.虔诚,虔敬 | |
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32 erred | |
犯错误,做错事( err的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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33 allied | |
adj.协约国的;同盟国的 | |
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34 humility | |
n.谦逊,谦恭 | |
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35 docile | |
adj.驯服的,易控制的,容易教的 | |
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36 deception | |
n.欺骗,欺诈;骗局,诡计 | |
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37 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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38 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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39 deserted | |
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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40 syllable | |
n.音节;vt.分音节 | |
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41 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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42 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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43 prostration | |
n. 平伏, 跪倒, 疲劳 | |
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44 penitence | |
n.忏悔,赎罪;悔过 | |
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45 confiding | |
adj.相信人的,易于相信的v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的现在分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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46 persuasion | |
n.劝说;说服;持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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47 presumptuous | |
adj.胆大妄为的,放肆的,冒昧的,冒失的 | |
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48 humiliation | |
n.羞辱 | |
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49 mortify | |
v.克制,禁欲,使受辱 | |
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50 temerity | |
n.鲁莽,冒失 | |
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51 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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52 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
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53 transcend | |
vt.超出,超越(理性等)的范围 | |
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54 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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55 redeem | |
v.买回,赎回,挽回,恢复,履行(诺言等) | |
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56 humbled | |
adj. 卑下的,谦逊的,粗陋的 vt. 使 ... 卑下,贬低 | |
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57 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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58 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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59 attentive | |
adj.注意的,专心的;关心(别人)的,殷勤的 | |
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60 banish | |
vt.放逐,驱逐;消除,排除 | |
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61 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
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62 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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63 meditations | |
默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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64 shunned | |
v.避开,回避,避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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65 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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66 vowed | |
起誓,发誓(vow的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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67 vow | |
n.誓(言),誓约;v.起誓,立誓 | |
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68 homage | |
n.尊敬,敬意,崇敬 | |
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69 shrub | |
n.灌木,灌木丛 | |
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70 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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71 overflowing | |
n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的,充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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72 scorching | |
adj. 灼热的 | |
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73 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
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74 parched | |
adj.焦干的;极渴的;v.(使)焦干 | |
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75 blistered | |
adj.水疮状的,泡状的v.(使)起水泡( blister的过去式和过去分词 );(使表皮等)涨破,爆裂 | |
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76 fatigue | |
n.疲劳,劳累 | |
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77 lulled | |
vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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78 brook | |
n.小河,溪;v.忍受,容让 | |
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79 nuns | |
n.(通常指基督教的)修女, (佛教的)尼姑( nun的名词复数 ) | |
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80 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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81 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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82 adoration | |
n.爱慕,崇拜 | |
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83 penance | |
n.(赎罪的)惩罪 | |
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84 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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85 recollected | |
adj.冷静的;镇定的;被回忆起的;沉思默想的v.记起,想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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86 astounding | |
adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊,使大吃一惊astound的现在分词) | |
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87 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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88 mightier | |
adj. 强有力的,强大的,巨大的 adv. 很,极其 | |
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89 portrayed | |
v.画像( portray的过去式和过去分词 );描述;描绘;描画 | |
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90 attentively | |
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神 | |
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91 dreary | |
adj.令人沮丧的,沉闷的,单调乏味的 | |
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92 moss | |
n.苔,藓,地衣 | |
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93 hovered | |
鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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94 slumbers | |
睡眠,安眠( slumber的名词复数 ) | |
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95 frailer | |
脆弱的( frail的比较级 ); 易损的; 易碎的 | |
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96 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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97 subdued | |
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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98 descending | |
n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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99 overflowed | |
溢出的 | |
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100 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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101 shriek | |
v./n.尖叫,叫喊 | |
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102 tapestries | |
n.挂毯( tapestry的名词复数 );绣帷,织锦v.用挂毯(或绣帷)装饰( tapestry的第三人称单数 ) | |
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103 Flared | |
adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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104 chafing | |
n.皮肤发炎v.擦热(尤指皮肤)( chafe的现在分词 );擦痛;发怒;惹怒 | |
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105 fascination | |
n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋 | |
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106 illuminated | |
adj.被照明的;受启迪的 | |
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107 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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108 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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109 blanched | |
v.使变白( blanch的过去式 );使(植物)不见阳光而变白;酸洗(金属)使有光泽;用沸水烫(杏仁等)以便去皮 | |
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110 withered | |
adj. 枯萎的,干瘪的,(人身体的部分器官)因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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111 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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112 contrive | |
vt.谋划,策划;设法做到;设计,想出 | |
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113 mingled | |
混合,混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 ); 混进,与…交往[联系] | |
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114 shrieks | |
n.尖叫声( shriek的名词复数 )v.尖叫( shriek的第三人称单数 ) | |
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115 carnival | |
n.嘉年华会,狂欢,狂欢节,巡回表演 | |
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116 incarnate | |
adj.化身的,人体化的,肉色的 | |
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117 vanquished | |
v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 );战胜;克服;抑制 | |
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118 slumbered | |
微睡,睡眠(slumber的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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119 rendering | |
n.表现,描写 | |
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120 cataract | |
n.大瀑布,奔流,洪水,白内障 | |
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121 obedience | |
n.服从,顺从 | |
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122 followers | |
追随者( follower的名词复数 ); 用户; 契据的附面; 从动件 | |
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123 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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124 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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125 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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126 quelled | |
v.(用武力)制止,结束,镇压( quell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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127 submission | |
n.服从,投降;温顺,谦虚;提出 | |
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128 eloquent | |
adj.雄辩的,口才流利的;明白显示出的 | |
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129 detested | |
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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130 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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131 hideous | |
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的 | |
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132 wreak | |
v.发泄;报复 | |
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133 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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134 wrenched | |
v.(猛力地)扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 );扭伤;使感到痛苦;使悲痛 | |
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135 rending | |
v.撕碎( rend的现在分词 );分裂;(因愤怒、痛苦等而)揪扯(衣服或头发等);(声音等)刺破 | |
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136 dungeon | |
n.地牢,土牢 | |
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137 stifling | |
a.令人窒息的 | |
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138 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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139 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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140 vile | |
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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141 treacherous | |
adj.不可靠的,有暗藏的危险的;adj.背叛的,背信弃义的 | |
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142 besieged | |
包围,围困,围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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143 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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144 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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145 courageous | |
adj.勇敢的,有胆量的 | |
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146 dabbled | |
v.涉猎( dabble的过去式和过去分词 );涉足;浅尝;少量投资 | |
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147 dagger | |
n.匕首,短剑,剑号 | |
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148 outlet | |
n.出口/路;销路;批发商店;通风口;发泄 | |
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149 fortified | |
adj. 加强的 | |
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150 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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151 archers | |
n.弓箭手,射箭运动员( archer的名词复数 ) | |
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152 fortress | |
n.堡垒,防御工事 | |
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153 imprisonment | |
n.关押,监禁,坐牢 | |
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154 delirious | |
adj.不省人事的,神智昏迷的 | |
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155 scattered | |
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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156 raved | |
v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 );愤怒地说;咆哮;痴心地说 | |
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157 grassy | |
adj.盖满草的;长满草的 | |
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158 chestnuts | |
n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 );栗色;栗树;栗色马 | |
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159 penetrated | |
adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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160 boundless | |
adj.无限的;无边无际的;巨大的 | |
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161 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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162 lethargic | |
adj.昏睡的,懒洋洋的 | |
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163 cavern | |
n.洞穴,大山洞 | |
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164 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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165 glimmered | |
v.发闪光,发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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166 glimmer | |
v.发出闪烁的微光;n.微光,微弱的闪光 | |
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167 recess | |
n.短期休息,壁凹(墙上装架子,柜子等凹处) | |
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168 utensils | |
器具,用具,器皿( utensil的名词复数 ); 器物 | |
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169 fragrance | |
n.芬芳,香味,香气 | |
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170 sage | |
n.圣人,哲人;adj.贤明的,明智的 | |
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171 benevolence | |
n.慈悲,捐助 | |
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172 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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173 ivy | |
n.常青藤,常春藤 | |
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174 parasites | |
寄生物( parasite的名词复数 ); 靠他人为生的人; 诸虫 | |
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175 precipice | |
n.悬崖,危急的处境 | |
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176 scooped | |
v.抢先报道( scoop的过去式和过去分词 );(敏捷地)抱起;抢先获得;用铲[勺]等挖(洞等) | |
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177 rugged | |
adj.高低不平的,粗糙的,粗壮的,强健的 | |
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178 turbid | |
adj.混浊的,泥水的,浓的 | |
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179 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
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180 doctrines | |
n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 );教义;学说;(政府政策的)正式声明 | |
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181 creed | |
n.信条;信念,纲领 | |
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182 guardian | |
n.监护人;守卫者,保护者 | |
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183 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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184 aged | |
adj.年老的,陈年的 | |
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185 legacy | |
n.遗产,遗赠;先人(或过去)留下的东西 | |
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186 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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187 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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188 wondrous | |
adj.令人惊奇的,奇妙的;adv.惊人地;异乎寻常地;令人惊叹地 | |
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189 miseries | |
n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 );痛苦的事;穷困;常发牢骚的人 | |
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