IF IT WAS ANYONE BUT JACOB, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, shaking my head as I drove down the forest-lined highway to La Push.
I still wasn't sure if I was domg the right thing, but I'd made a compromise with myself.
I couldn't condone1 what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what he'd saidlast night—that I might not want to see him again—and I could have called him as he'd suggested, butthat felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that Icouldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer2 and say nothing, let the killingcontinue… That would make me a monster, too.
But I couldn't not warn him, either. I had to do what I could to protect him.
I pulled up to the Blacks' house with my lips pressed together into a hard line. It was bad enough that mybest friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?
The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didn't care if I woke them. My fist thudded againstthe front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated4 through the walls.
"Come in," I heard Billy call after a minute, and a light flicked5 on.
I twisted the knob; it was unlocked. Billy was leaning around an open doorway6 just off the little kitchen, abathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly,and then his face turned stoic7.
"Well, good morning, Bella. What are you doing up so early?""Hey, Billy. I need to talk to Jake—where is he?""Um… I don't really know," he lied, straight-faced.
"Do you know what Charlie is doing this morning?" I demanded, sick of the stalling.
"Should I?""He and half the other men in town are all out in the woods with guns, hunting giant wolves."Billy's expression flickered8, and then went blank.
"So I'd like to talk to Jake about that, if you don't mind," I continued.
Billy pursed his thick lips for a long moment. "I'd bet he's still asleep," he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He's out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest—probably youshouldn't wake him.""It's my turn," I muttered under my breath as I stalked to the hallway. Billy sighed.
Jacob's tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didn't bother to knock. Ithrew the door open; it slammed against the wall with a bang.
Jacob—still wearing just the same black cut-off sweats he'd worn last night—was stretched diagonallyacross the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges. Even on a slant9, itwasn't long enough; his feet hung off the one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoringlightly with his mouth hanging open. The sound of the door hadn't even made him twitch10.
His face was peaceful with (deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out. There were circles under hiseyes that I hadn't noticed before. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary.
Pity shook me.
I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me.
Billy stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room.
"I think I'll let him get some rest."Billy nodded, and then we gazed at each other for a minute. I was dying to ask him about his part in this.
What did he think of what his son had become? But I knew how he'd supported Sam from the verybeginning, and so I supposed the murders must not bother him. How he justified11 that to himself I couldn'timagine.
I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes, but he didn't voice them either.
"Look," I said, breaking the loud silence. "I'll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tellhim I'm waiting for him, okay?""Sure, sure," Billy agreed.
I wondered if he really would. Well, if he didn't, I'd tried, right?
I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark—the gloomy predawn of acloudy day—and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I couldfind the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off theblack water, and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my winter jacket. At least the rain hadstopped.
I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn't see St. James or the other islands, just thevague shape of the water's edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwoodthat might trip me.
I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom whenit was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded12 deep on the rocks. The rootstwisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle13 tentacles14. I couldn't be sure that it was the same treewhere Jacob and I had had our first conversation—a conversation that had begun so many different,tangled threads of my life—but it seemed to be in about the same place I sat down where I'd sat before,and stared out across the invisible sea.
Seeing Jacob like that—innocent and vulnerable in sleep—had stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all myanger. I still couldn't turn a blind sye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldn't condemnJacob for it either. Love didn't work that way, I decided15. Once you cared about a person, it wasimpossible to be logical about them anymore. Jacob was my friend whether he killed people or not. AndI didn't know what I was going to do about that.
When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge to protect him. Completelyillogical.
Illogical or not, I brooded over the memory his peaceful face, trying to come up with some answer, someway to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray.
"Hi,Bella."Jacob's voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I'd been expectingsome forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it still startled me. I could see his silhouette16 against thecoming sunrise—it looked enormous.
"Jake?"He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously.
"Billy told me you came by—didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out.""Yeah, I remember the right story now," I whispered.
It was quiet for a long moment and, though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyeswere searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, becausewhen he spoke17 again, his voice was suddenly acidic.
"You could have just called," he said harshly.
I nodded. "I know."Jacob started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feeton the rocks behind the sound of the waves. The rocks had clattered18 like castanets for me.
"Why did you come?" he demanded, not halting his angry stride.
"I thought it would be better face-to-face."He snorted. "Oh, much better.""Jacob, I have to warn you—""About the rangers19 and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know.""Don't worry about it?" I demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps andoffering rewards and—""We can take care of ourselves," he growled20, still pacing. "They're not going to catch anything. They'reonly making it more difficult—they'll start disappearing soon enough, too.""Jake!" I hissed22.
"What? It's just a fact."My voice was pale with revulsion. "How can you… feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's outthere!" The thought made my stomach twist.
He came to an abrupt23 stop. "What more can we do?" he retorted.
The sun turned the clouds a slivery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was angry,frustrated, betrayed.
"Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?" I suggested in a whisper.
He threw his hands up in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!" he shouted. "And how would that helpanything, if you're worried about people disappearing?""I don't understand you."He glared at me, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl24. "You know what makes me somad I could just spit?"I flinched25 away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for an answer, so I shook my head.
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella—there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook withanger.
"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?""Ugh!" he groaned26, pressing his trembling fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "Would youlisten to yourself?""What?"He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't bethe right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"I jumped to my feet and glared back. "No, you're not!" I shouted. "It's not what you are, stupid, it's whatyou do!""What's that supposed to mean?" He roared, his entire frame quivering with rage.
I was taken entirely27 by surprise when Edward's voice cautioned me. "Be very careful, Bella," his velvetvoice warned. "Don't push him too far. You need to calm him down."Even the voice in my head was making no sense today.
I listened to him, though. I would do anything for that voice.
"Jacob," I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. "Is it really necessary to kill people, Jacob? Isn't theresome other way? I mean, if vampires29 can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't yougive it a try, too?"He straightened up with a jerk, like my words had sent an electric shock through him. His eyebrows30 shotup and his eyes stared wide.
"Killing3 people?" he demanded.
"What did you think we were talking about?"He wasn't trembling anymore. He looked at me with half-hopeful disbelief. "I thought we were talkingabout your disgust for werewolves.""No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a… wolf. That's fine," I promised him, and I knew as I said the wordsthat I meant them. I really didn't care if he turned into a big wolf—he was still Jacob. "If you could justfind a way not to hurt people… that's all that upsets me. These ate innocent people, Jake, people likeCharlie, and I can't just look the other way while you—""Is that all? Really?" he interrupted me, a smile breaking across his face. "You're just scared because I'ma murderer? That's the only reason?""Isn't that reason enough?"He started to laugh.
"Jacob Black, this is so notfunny!""Sure, sure," he agreed, still chortling.
He took one long stride and caught me in another vice-tight bear hug.
"You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" he asked, his voice joyful31 in my ear.
"No," I gasped32. "Can't—breathe—Jake!"He let me go, but took both my hands. "I'm not a killer, Bella."I studied his face, and it was clear that this was the truth. Relief pulsed through me.
"Really?" I asked.
"Really," he promised solemnly.
I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with the motorcycles—he was bigger,though, and I felt even more like a child now.
Like that other time, he stroked my hair.
"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," he apologized.
"Sorry I called you a murderer."He laughed.
I thought of something then, and pulled away from him so that I could see his face. My eyebrowsfurrowed in anxiety. "What about Sam? And the others?"He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from his shoulders. "Of course not.
Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"The memory was clear—I'd just been thinking of that very day. "Protectors?""Exactly." "But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"His face was serious, worried at once. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them,but we're always just a little too late.""Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?""Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing—our one enemy. It's the reason we exist—becausethey do."I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blood drained from my face and athin, wordless cry of horror broke through my lips.
He nodded. "I thought you, of all people, would reali2e what was really going on.""Laurent," I whispered. "He's still here."Jacob blinked twice, and cocked his head to one side. "Who's Laurent?"I tried to sort out the chaos33 in my head so that I could answer. "You know—you saw him in themeadow. You were there…" The words came out in a wondering tone as it all sunk in. "You were there,and you kept him from killing me…""Oh, the black-haired leech34?" He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. "Was that his name?"I shuddered35. "What were you thinking?" I whispered. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realizehow dangerous—"Another laugh interrupted me "Bella, one lone36 vampire28 isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours.
It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!""What was so easy?""Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the whole murderthing," he added quickly. "Vampires don't count as people."I could only mouth the words. "You… killed… Laurent?"He nodded. "Well, it was a group effort," he qualified37.
"Laurent is dead?" I whispered.
His expression changed. "You're not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill you—he was goingfor the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?""I know that. No, I'm not upset—I'm…" I had to sit down. I stumbled back a step until I felt thedriftwood against my calves38, and then sank down onto it. "Laurent is dead. He's not coming back forme.""You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends or anything, was he?""My friend?" I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I started babbling39, my eyes getting moist.
"No, Jake. I'm so… so relieved. I thought he was going to find me—I've been waiting for him everynight, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. I've been so frightened, Jacob… Buthow? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…" He sat down next to me and put one big arm around me comfortingly. "It's what we're made for, Bells.
We're strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be.""You weren't around," I mumbled40, lost in thought.
"Oh, right.""Wait, Jake—I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. Ithought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"He looked confused for a minute, and then he ducked his head. "No, that's not what I meant.""Then why didn't you think it was safe for you there?"He looked at me with guilt-ridden eyes. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for me. I was thinking of you.""What do you mean?"He looked down and kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm not supposed to be around you,Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for you.
If I get too mad… too upset… you might get hurt."I thought about that carefully. "When you were mad before… when I was yelling at you… and you wereshaking… ?""Yeah." His face dropped even lower. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold onmyself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But… I just got so upser that Iwas going to lose you… that you couldn't deal with what I am…""What would happen… if you got too mad?" I whispered.
"I'd turn into a wolf," he whispered back.
"You don't need a full moon."He rolled his eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right." Then he sighed, and was serious again.
"You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this. And we're keeping aspecial eye on Charlie and the others—we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that."Something very, very obvious, something I should have grasped at once—but I'd been so distracted bythe idea of Jacob and his friends fighting with Laurent, that I'd completely missed it at the time—occurredto me only then, when Jacob used the present tense again.
We're going to take care of this.
It wasn't over.
"Laurent is dead," I gasped, and my entire body went ice cold.
"Bella?" Jacob asked anxiously, touching41 my ashen42 cheek.
"If Laurent died… a week ago… then someone else is killing people now."Jacob nodded; his teeth clenched43 together, and he spoke through them. "There were two of them. Wethought his mate would want to fight us—in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate—but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what shewas after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around theedges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in—but in where? Where does she want to go?
Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…"His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; I couldn't make out theindividual words anymore. My forehead dewed with sweat and my stomach rolled like I had the stomachflu again. Exactly like I had the flu.
I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My body convulsed with useless heaves,my empty stomach contracting with horrified44 nausea45, though there was nothing in it to expel.
Victoria was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods. The woods where Charlie wassearching…My head spun46 sickeningly.
Jacob's hands caught my shoulders—kept me from sliding forward onto the rocks. I could feel his hotbreath on my cheek. "Bella! What's wrong?""Victoria," I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseous spasms47.
In my head, Edward snarled48 in fury at the name.
I felt Jacob pull me up from my slump49. He draped me awkwardly across his lap, laying my limp headagainst his shoulder. He struggled to balance me, to keep me from sagging50 over, one way or the other Hebrushed the sweaty hair back from my face.
"Who?" Jacob asked. "Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?""She wasn't Laurent's mate," I moaned into his shoulder. "They were just old friends…""Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," he demanded, frantic51.
"I'm not sick—I'm scared," I explained in a whisper. The word scared didn't really seem to cover it.
Jacob patted my back. "Scaled of this Victoria?" I nodded, shuddering52. "Victoria is the red-hairedfemale?" I trembled again, and whimpered, "Yes.""How do you know she wasn't his mate?""Laurent told me James was her mate," I explained, automatically flexing53 the hand with the scar.
He pulled my face around, holding it steady in his big hand. He stared intently into my eyes. "Did he tellyou anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?""Of course," I whispered. "She wants me." His eyes flipped54 wide, then narrowed into slits55. "Why?" hedemanded.
"Edward killed James," I whispered. Jacob held me so tightly that there was no need for me to clutch atthe hole—he kept me in one piece. "She did get… pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairerto kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know—still doesn't know, I guess—that… that…" Iswallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."Jacob was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. "Is that what happened? Why the Cullens left?""I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," I explained, shrugging weakly.
Something like a growl21—not a real growl, just a human approximation—rumbled in Jacob's chest undermy ear. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough—""Please," I moaned. "Please. Don't."Jacob hesitated, then nodded once.
"This is important," he said again, his face all business now. "This is exactly what we needed to know.
We've got to tell the others right away."He stood, pulling me to my feet. He kept two hands on my waist until he was sure I wasn't going to fall.
"I'm okay," I lied.
He traded his hold on my waist for one of my hands. "Let's go."He pulled me back toward the truck.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "I'll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?" He leaned meagainst the side of the truck and released my hand.
"Where are you going?""I'll be right back," he promised. Then he turned and sprinted56 through the parking lot, across the road,and into the bordering forest. He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek57 as a deer.
"Jacob!" I yelled after him hoarsely58, but he was already gone.
It was not a good time to be left alone. Seconds after Jacob was out of sight, I was hyperventilating. Idragged myself into the cab of the truck, and mashed59 the locks down at once. It didn't make me feel anybetter.
Victoria was already hunting me. It was just luck that she hadn't found me yet—just luck and five teenagewerewolves. I exhaled60 sharply. No matter what Jacob said, the thought of him coming anywhere close toVictoria was horrifying61. I didn't care what he could turn into when he got mad. I could see her in myhead, her face wild, her hair like flames, deadly, indestructible…But, according to Jacob, Laurent was gone. Was that really possible? Edward—I clutched automaticallyat my chest—had told me how difficult it was to kill a vampire. Only another vampire could do the job.
Yet Jake said this was what werewolves were made for…He said they were keeping a special eye on Charlie—that I should trust the werewolves to keep myfather safe. How could I trust that? None of us were safe! Jacob the very least of all, if he was trying toput himself between Victoria and Charlie… between Victoria and me.
I felt like I might be about to throw up again.
A sharp rap on the truck's window made me yelp62 in terror—but it was just Jacob, back already. Iunlocked the door with trembling, grateful fingers.
"You're really scared, aren't you?" he asked as he climbed in.
I nodded.
"Don't be. We'll take care of you—and Charlie, too. I promise.""The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," I whispered.
He laughed. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting."I just shook my head. I'd seen too many vampires in action.
"Where did you go just now?" I asked.
He pursed his lips, and said nothing.
"What? Is it a secret?"He frowned. "Not really. It's kind of weird63, though. I don't want to freak you out.""I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know." I tried to smile without much success.
Jacob grinned back easily. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can… heareach other."My eyebrows pulled down in confusion.
"Not hear sounds," he went on, "but we can hear… thoughts—each other's anyway—no matter how faraway from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It'sembarrassing—having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?""Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though youdidn't want to?""You're quick.""Thanks.""You're also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you.""It's not… well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird tome.""Really?… Wait—are you talking about your bloodsuckers?""I wish you wouldn't call them that."He laughed. "Whatever. The Cullens, then?""Just… just Edward." I pulled one arm surreptitiously around my torso.
Jacob looked surprised—unpleasantly so. "I thought those were just stories. I've heard legends aboutvampires who could do… extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth.""Is anything just a myth anymore?" I asked him wryly64.
He scowled65. "Guess not. Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride ourbikes."I started the truck and headed back up the road.
"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" I asked, curious.
Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. "I kept it real short—I tried not to think about you so theywouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you.""That wouldn't have stopped me." I couldn't get rid of my perception of Sam as the bad guy. My teethclenched together whenever I heard his name.
"Well, it would have stopped me," Jacob said, morose66 now. "Remember how I couldn't finish mysentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story?""Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something."He chuckled67 darkly. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's… the head of the pack, youknow. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something—when he really meansit, well, we can't just ignore him.""Weird," I muttered.
"Very," he agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing.""Huh" was the best response I could think of.
"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that—wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like forSam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support.""Sam was alone?""Yeah." Jacob's voice lowered. "When I… changed, it was the most… horrible, the most terrifyingthing I've ever been through—worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone—therewere the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept mefrom losing my mind, I think. But Sam…" He shook his head. "Sam had no help."This was going to take some adjusting. When Jacob explained it like that, it was hard not to feelcompassion for Sam. I had to keep reminding myself that there was no reason to hate him anymore.
"Will they be angry that I'm with you?" I asked.
He made a face. "Probably.""Maybe I shouldn't—""No, it's okay," he assured me. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just someignorant human. You're like a… I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines."I frowned to myself. Was that what Jacob would want from me? Insider information to help them destroytheir enemies? I wasn't a spy, though. I hadn't been collecting that kind of information. Already, his wordsmade me feel like a traitor68.
But I wanted him to stop Victoria, didn't I?
No.
I did want Victoria to be stopped, preferably before she tortured me to death or ran into Charlie or killedanother stranger. I just didn't want Jacob to be the one to stop her, or rather to try. I didn't want Jacobwithin a hundred miles of her.
"Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker," he continued, oblivious69 to my reverie. "That's thekind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that those stories are true. It makes everythingmore complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?""I don't think so," I hesitated, and then sighed. "He would have mentioned it.""He? Oh, you mean Edward—oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it."I squeezed my midsection, trying to ignore the throbbing70 around the edges of my chest. "Not really, no.""Sorry.""How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read my mind.""Naw. I just pay attention."We were on the little dirt road where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle.
"This good?" I asked.
"Sure, sure."I pulled over and cut the engine.
"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" he murmured.
I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest.
"Did you ever think… that maybe… you're better off?"I inhaled71 slowly, and then let my breath out. "No.""'Cause he wasn't the best—""Please, Jacob," I interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't standit.""Okay." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said anything.""Don't feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it."He nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not beable to talk to anyone.""Hell," I agreed.
Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here. Let's go.""Are you sure?" I asked while he popped his door open. "Maybe I shouldn't be here." "They'll deal with it," he said, and then he grinned. "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?""Ha ha," I said. But I got out of the truck, hurrying around the front end to stand close beside Jacob. Iremembered only too clearly the giant monsters in the meadow. My hands were trembling like Jacob'shad been before, but with fear rather than rage.
Jake took my hand and squeezed it. "Here we go."
13 凶手
我开车前往拉普西，路旁是茂密的森林。我摇摇头，暗自思考，如果不是雅各布，把该多好啊。
我仍不确定自己这样做到底对不对，但我还有理由去见见他。
我不能饶恕雅各布和他的朋友的所作所为。现在我终于明白他昨晚说的话——也许再也不想见他——我可以像他说的那样打个电话，但那是胆小鬼的行为。至少，我欠他一次面对面的交谈，我要当面对他说我不会对发生的一切不闻不问。我不可能和杀人凶手交朋友、放任他们胡作非为、让杀人案无休止地发生.....不然，我同残忍的怪兽又有什么两样？
但是，我不可能不去警告他，我要尽我所能地保护他。
我在布莱克家门口停住车，紧紧地抿着双唇。我最好的朋友是狼人，这已经让人无法接受，难道他就不能做个善良的狼人吗？
屋子里漆黑一片，没有灯光，但我不在乎把他们从睡梦中唤醒，我怒气冲冲地用拳头捶打着大门，声音在屋子里回响。
“进来。”一分钟后我听到比利的喊声，里面亮起一盏灯。
我转动门把，门没锁。比利没有坐在轮椅上，而是倚靠在厨房的门口，肩上搭着一条浴巾，他看到进来的人是我，一下子瞪大了眼睛，但很快恢复了平常的漠然。
“早上好，贝拉，这么早有什么事吗？”
“嘿，比利，我要和杰克谈谈——他在哪儿？”
“恩......我不知道。”他显然在撒谎。
“你知道查理今天早上去干吗了吗？”我为他的遮遮掩掩感到恼怒。
“我怎么知道？”
“他和镇上一半的男人都到森林里去了，带着枪，去抓那群巨狼。”
比利的脸上闪过短暂的讶异。
比利撅着嘴，过了好久才说：“我想他还在睡觉。”他朝狭窄的走廊点点头，“最近今天他都很晚才回来，这孩子需要休息——也许你不应该叫醒他。”
“轮到我打扰他休息了。”我嘟囔道，怒冲冲地朝走廊走去，比利叹了口气。
雅各布的卧室是个狭小的储藏室，是一码长的走廊上唯一的房间。我没敲门，狠狠地将门推开，房门撞到墙上发出呯的响声。
雅各布还穿着昨晚那套黑色的运动服——斜躺在双人床上。这张床占据了房间的大部分空间，床边和墙壁之间留着一点空隙。尽管他是斜躺着，但床还是不够长，他的头和脚都撑到了床外。。他睡得正熟，张着嘴巴，微微地打鼾，根本没听到房门撞击墙壁的声响。
他的脸在沉睡中显得特别平静，愤怒时显出来的皱纹没有了。我从没注意到他的眼睛下有黑眼圈。虽然他身材高大魁梧，但现在看上去很年幼、很疲倦，我的心一下子软下来。
我退了出来，轻轻地关上身后的房门。
比利好奇而警惕地盯着我走回到客厅。
“我还是让他多休息一会儿吧。”
比利点点头，我们注视着前方，我很想质问他在整件事中承担的责任，他对儿子的变化有什么想法呢？但是，我知道他从一开始就站在山姆那边，对于杀人犯他一定也不以为然，我无法想象他如何能够坦然面对这件事。
我从他的眼神中看出他有很多问题想问我，但是他也没有吱声。
“好吧，”我打破了沉默，“我到海滩去待一会儿。如果他醒了，告诉他我在等他，好吗？”
“当然，当然。”比利满口答应。
我对他的回答表示怀疑。管他呢，如果他不告诉雅各布，我就再来一趟这里。
我把车开到第一海滩，停在空无一人的泥地上。天还是灰蒙蒙的——阴天天亮前的阴郁——我关了车灯，几乎什么也看不见。我的眼睛逐渐适应了四周的黑暗，在杂草丛生的荒地上寻找道路。海滩边很冷，海风一阵阵刮过来，我把手塞进外套口袋，所幸的是雨已经停了。
我沿着海滩向北面的海堤走去。我望不见圣詹姆斯和其他岛屿，只能隐隐约约地看到海上的波浪。我小心翼翼地穿过岩石，生怕被浮木绊倒。
终于到了，我没意识到自己是在寻找这个地方。在不远处的昏暗之中，它朦胧可见：一棵高大、灰白的浮木深深插入岩石地中，朝向大海的树根纠结在一起，好像无数脆弱的触角。我不确定这就是雅各布和我第一次交谈的地方——从那次谈话以后，我的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化，变得错综复杂——但是，大概就是在这附近。我在我曾经坐过的地方坐下，望着若隐若现的大海。
回想起雅各布的模样——熟睡时无辜、柔弱的模样——我的憎恶和愤怒全都烟消云散了。我不能像比利一样对发生的一切视而不见，但我也不能将所有的过错都怪罪到雅各布身上。爱不是这个样子的，如果你在乎一个人，就没有办法理性地对待他的所作所为。不管雅各布有没有杀人，他始终都是我的朋友，我自己也不清楚应该如何是好。
一想到他安然沉睡的样子，我就有一股要保护他的强烈冲动，我就完全失去理性。
不管理性与否，我完全沉浸在对他的回忆之中，也许想着他那张安宁的脸庞，就能想出庇护他的法子。天这时渐渐亮起来。
“嗨，贝拉。”
灰暗中传来雅各布的声音，我吓了一跳。他的声音温柔，甚至带有一丝羞怯，但他靠进时没发出一点声响，着实吓坏了我。借着日出前的光亮，我看见了他的轮廓——高达壮实。
“杰克？”
他在离我几步远的地方，紧张地交替着双脚站立。
“比利告诉我你去过家里——没花你多长时间，对吗？我就知道你会猜出来的。”
“是的，我记起来了。”我轻声说道。
我们沉默了许久，尽管四周很暗，什么也看不清楚，但我觉得他似乎在仔细观察着我的脸色。我感到浑身不自在，针刺般的难受。他一定是看清楚了我的表情，因为他再次开口说话时，声音变得尖酸。
“你可以打个电话过来。”他粗鲁地说道。
我点点头：“我知道。”
雅各布朝我走过来。我竖起耳朵听他的动静，在海浪声下，只微微听见他轻触岩石地的脚步声。而刚才我走过的时候，岩石地就像响板一样嘎嗒作响。
“那你为什么还来找我？”他问道，没有停下怒冲冲的脚步。
“我想，面对面地谈谈会更好。”
他哼了一声：“好得多。”
“雅各布，我得警告你......”
“关于护林员还有那些狩猎人？不用担心，我们已经知道了。”
“不用担心？”我不相信自己的耳朵，“杰克，他们有枪！他们设了陷阱，还提供了奖金，还......”
“我们能照顾好自己，”他愤愤地说，仍朝我走着，“他们什么也抓不到，他们只会让事情越来越糟——不久，他们自己也会失踪。”
“杰克！”我叫道。
“怎么了，这只是事实。”
强烈的憎恶又涌上心头，我冷冷地说：“你怎么能.....这样想？你认识这些人，查理也在其中！”一想到这一点，我的胃里就一阵不舒服。
他突然停住了脚步。“我们还能做什么？”他反问道。
太阳出来了，我们头顶的云彩被染成了粉色的彩带。我能清楚地看到他的表情，他的脸上写满了愤怒、失落，似乎遭人背叛。
“你能不能.....不要做.....狼人？”我低声地试探道。
我抬起一只手，“我别无选择！”他说道，“既然你担心人们失踪，我不做狼人就能解决问题吗？”
“我不明白你的意思。”
他怒视着我。眯着眼睛，大声吼道：“你知道是什么让我愤怒到恨不得破口大骂吗？”
我被他充满敌意的样子怔住了。他似乎在等我的答案，我摇了摇头。
“你真是个伪君子，贝拉——你坐在那里，被我吓倒！这样公平吗？”他的手抖得厉害。
“伪君子？！我被怪兽吓倒，这也算伪君子？”
“啊！”他痛苦地呻吟着，颤抖的双拳使劲按住太阳穴，眼睛紧紧地闭着，“听听你自己说的话吧！”
“什么？”
他朝我走了两步，俯下身子，恶狠狠地盯着我。“好吧，抱歉，我不是那种适合你的怪物，贝拉。我没有吸血鬼那么伟大，对吗？”
我跳了起来，同样愤怒地盯着他。“对，你没有他们伟大！”我嚷道，“不是因为你是什么，笨蛋，而是因为你做了什么！！”
“你这话是什么意思？”他咆哮着，气得浑身发抖。
爱德华的声音这时侯突然出现，我惊讶不已，“千万小心，贝拉，”他温柔地提醒我，“不要逼迫他，你得让他冷静下来。”（心电感应啊~~~撒花~~~~）
即使是他的话，在今天也同样让人费解。
但我还是照他说的话做了，我会为了这个声音做任何事情。
“雅各布，”我恳求道，语气温柔、平和，“真的非得杀人吗，雅各布？就没有别的什么方法？我是说，如果吸血鬼可以不杀人而活下来，你为什么不能试试呢？”
他突然直起身子，我的话仿佛电击令他一震。他扬起眉毛，眼睛瞪得圆圆的。
“杀人？”他问道。
“你认为我们在谈什么呢？”
他不再颤抖，用解脱之后满怀希望的眼神看着我：“我以为，我们在谈你对狼人的憎恶。”
“不，杰克，不。不是因为你是一匹......狼。这一点问题都没有。”我向他承诺，这句话完全发自肺腑。我的确不在乎他会变成一匹巨狼——他仍然是雅各布。“如果你可以不再伤人......这是让我心烦的事。他们都是无辜的人，杰克，像查理这样的人，我也无法忍受他们抓捕你.....”
“仅仅是因为这样？真的吗？”他打断了我的话，脸上顿时露出了笑容，“你只是因为我是杀人凶手而害怕？仅此而已？”
“难道这个理由还不充分吗？”
他笑出声来。
“雅各布·布莱克，这件事并不可笑！！”
“当然，当然。”他赞同道，还是咯咯笑着。
他朝前跨了一大步，把我紧紧地揽入怀中。
“你真的一点儿也不介意我会变成一匹巨狼？”他在我耳边问道，声音中充满欣喜。
“不介意，”我喘着粗气说，“呼吸——困难——杰克！！”
他松开胳膊，握住了我的双手：“我不是凶手，贝拉。”
我盯着他的脸，看得出他说的是实话，我立刻松了一口气。
“真的吗？”我问道。
“真的。”他严肃地回答。
我张开双臂搂住了他。这让我想起了第一次骑摩托车的那一天——他比那时更加高大，我觉得自己此刻比当时更像个小孩子。
他像从前一样轻抚我的头发。
“对不起，我刚才不该叫你伪君子。”他抱歉地说。
“对不起，我刚才不该叫你杀人犯。”
他笑了起来。
我突然想起了什么，轻轻推开他，盯着他的脸，焦急地皱着眉头，“那山姆呢？还有其他人？”
他摇了摇头，如释重负般笑着：“当然不是，记得我们怎么称呼自己吗？”
往事历历在目——我正在回忆那斓男 埃骸氨；ふ撸俊?
“没错。”
“但是我不明白，森林里到底发生了什么事？失踪的游人，还有血迹？”
他的脸色立马变得严肃、焦虑：“我们在尽力完成我们的使命，贝拉。我们设法保护他们，但是每次都迟了一步。”
“为什么要保护他们？难道森林里真的有熊吗？”
“贝拉，亲爱的，我们对抗的目标只有一个——我们唯一的敌人，这是我们存在于世界上的原因——因为他们也存在。”
“劳伦特，”我轻声说，“他还在这里。”
雅各布眨了眨眼，把头歪向一边：“谁是劳伦特？”
我理了理纷乱的头绪，回答道：“你知道的——你在草地上见过他，你当时在场.....”我的声音越来越小，几乎听不见，“你当时在场，保护我不被他伤害.....”
“哦，是那个黑头发的吸血鬼吗？”他咧嘴一笑，笑容里带着一丝凶恶，“那是他的名字？”
我浑身一抖。“你不害怕吗？”我低语道，“他很可能要你的命！杰克，你不知当时有多危险.....“
他又笑着打断我的话：“贝拉，一个吸血鬼势单力薄，根本不是我们这么一大群狼人的对手。一切易如反掌，我们都还没体会到其中的乐趣呢！”
“什么事情易如反掌？”
“杀死了那个想要杀死你的吸血鬼。我认为这算不上是杀人案，”他马上补充道，“吸血鬼压根不是人。”
我简直说不出话：“你......杀了......劳伦特？”
他点点头、“对啊，其实是集体努力的结果。”他更正道。
“劳伦特死了？”我自言自语道。
他变了脸色：“你不会是为了他的死伤心吧？他当时想杀了你——他确实想杀你，贝拉，我们对此确信无疑才会袭击他。你知道的，对吗？”
“我知道。不是，我不是伤心——我是......”我实在站不住了，向后退了一步，小腿碰到了浮木，一下子倒坐在上面，“劳伦特死了，他再也不会来找我。”
“你疯了吗？难道他也是你的朋友？”
“我的朋友？”我抬起头盯着他，感到一阵眩晕，但内心充满了被解救后的欣喜，我开始有些语无伦次，眼睛渐渐湿润，“不是，杰克，我太......太高兴了。我以为他会找到我——每天夜里我都担心他会来找我，我只希望他放过查理。我真的很害怕，雅各布.....但是，怎么可能？他是个吸血鬼！你们怎么可能杀死他？他那么强壮，那么坚硬，像顽石一样......”
他在我身边坐下，结实的手臂温柔地搂着我：“这是我们的使命，贝尔，我们也很强壮。你应该早点告诉我你的恐惧，其实你没必要感到害怕。”
“那段时间我找不到你。”我陷入沉思中。
“哦，是的。”
“等等，杰克——我以为你知道我的害怕。昨天晚上，你说在我的房间不安全。我以为你知道吸血鬼有可能来找我，难道你指的不是这件事？”
他露出疑惑的表情，过了一会儿，他埋下脑袋：“不是，不是这件事。”
他充满愧疚地看着我：“不安全的那个人不是指我，而是指你。”
“什么意思？”
他眼睛望着地上，脚踢着旁边的岩石：“我不能和你在一起是有许多原因的，贝拉。我不应该告诉你我们的秘密，这是其一。另外，我和你在一起对你来说非常危险。如果我太生气.....太烦乱......也许会伤害到你。”
我仔细地想着他的话：“你生气的时候.....我朝你大吼大叫的时候......你的身子在发抖.....”
“是的，”他又低下头，“我当时真是太傻了，我应该努力控制好自己的情绪。之前我还发誓，无论你对我说什么我都不能生气，可是......一想到我会失去你.....一想到你不能接受我是......我就心烦意乱。”
“如果你太生气.......会发生什么事情？”我轻声地问道。
“我会变成一匹狼。”他也轻声地回答道。
“你们不是在月圆的时候才会变成狼吗？”
他转了转眼珠。“好莱坞的电影不太现实。”他叹了口气，神情严肃，“你不用这么紧张，贝尔，我们将会处理好一切。我们会特别留意查理还有其他人——不会让他受到任何伤害。相信我。”
有一件显而易见的事情我早该察觉——但是我一直想象着雅各布和他的朋友们同劳伦特进行殊死搏斗的情景，一点也没有留意——直到听到他的话里的将来时，我才如梦初醒。
我们将会处理好一切！！
这一切都还没有完结。
“劳伦特死了。”我喘着粗气，全身冰凉。
“贝拉？”雅各布紧张地问道，轻抚我苍白的脸颊。
“如果劳伦特一个星期前.....死了.....那么现在行凶的一定另有其人。”
雅各布点点头，他咬牙切齿地说道：“他们是一对。我们以为他的伴侣会来报仇——传说中说，如果有人杀死了他们的伴侣，他们会非常生气——但是她躲躲闪闪，不找我们寻仇。要是我们知道她到底想要什么，事情会变得容易得多。她不露痕迹，总是在边缘地带活动，似乎在伺机突破我们的防守，进入某个地方——但是进入哪里呢？她的目的到底是什么呢？山姆认为她企图调虎离山，把我们分开，她就有机可乘.....”
他的声音渐渐变得模糊，仿佛来自一条深远的隧道，我一个字也听不清楚，额头上冒出粒粒汗珠，好像又染上了肠胃感冒一样难受。没错，就像染上了肠胃感冒。
我迅速地转过身，靠在树干上，发出声声呻吟。身体不断的抽搐。我因为惊吓过度而感到一阵恶心，尽管胃里空无一物却仍想要呕吐。
维多利亚在这里。她在寻找我，她在森林里杀害无辜的人们，查理也在森林里.....
我感到头晕目眩。
雅各布伸手抓住我的肩膀——我就快倒在旁边的岩石上。我的脸颊感觉到他的温暖的鼻息。“贝拉！怎么了？”
“维多利亚。”我喘着粗气，强忍住身体的抽搐和胃部的痉挛。
一听到这个名字，脑海里爱德华的声音开始愤怒的咆哮。
我的身体逐渐下沉，雅各布支撑着我。他拉着我坐到他腿上，将我耸拉的脑袋靠在他肩膀上。他尽力让我保持平衡，不再左摇右晃，又伸手抚开我脸颊上被汗水浸湿的头发。
“谁？”雅各布问道，“能听见我说话吗？贝拉？贝拉？”
“她不是劳伦特的伴侣，”我靠在他的肩膀无力地说道，“他们只是老朋友.....”
“想喝水吗？去看医生吧？告诉我应该做些什么。”他惶恐地问道。
“我没有生病——我只是害怕。”我轻声地向他解释。害怕这个词似乎不足以形容我此刻的感受。
雅各布轻柔地拍拍我的后背：“害怕维多利亚吗？”
我点点头，身子一抖。
“维多利亚是不是一个红头发的女人？”
我又是一阵颤抖，呜咽地说：“是的。”
“你怎么知道他不是他的伴侣？”
“劳伦特告诉我詹姆斯是她的爱人。”我解释道，那只带着伤疤的手不自觉的抖动一下。
他用厚实的手掌稳稳的捧着我的脸，目不转睛地注视着我的双眼：“他还对你说过什么，贝拉？这太重要了。你知道她想要什么吗？”
“当然知道，”我低语道，“她想要我。”
他突然睁大眼睛，然后又眯缝着眼问道：“为什么？”
“爱德华杀死了詹姆斯。”我轻声说，雅各布紧紧地抓着我，我根本不用去捂住胸前的伤口——他强而有力的支撑就是我的止痛剂，“她确实.....非常生气。但是劳伦特说，她觉得杀我比杀爱德华更公平。这叫以牙还牙，爱人换爱人。她不知道——至今都不知道——我们......我们.....”我哽咽地说，“我们已经不是以前那种关系了，至少对于爱德华来说已经不是了。”
雅各布听得入神，脸上露出不同的表情：“就是这样一回事吗？卡伦一家是因为这个理由而离开的吗？”
“毕竟我是个普通人，没有什么与众不同的地方。”我解释道，虚弱地耸耸肩。
似乎有一阵低嚎——那是一种类似于人类咆哮时发出的声音——在雅各布的胸膛里回荡：“那个白痴吸血鬼真是太愚蠢了......”
“不，”我伤心地说道，“不，别这样说。”
雅各布犹豫片刻，点点头。
“这件事太重要了，”他的脸色变得十分严肃，“这正是我们想要知道的事情，我们必须马上通知其他人。”
他站了起来，搀扶我站稳。他用双手搂着我的腰，保证我不会倒下。
“我没事。”我撒了谎。
他腾出一只手握住我的手：“走吧。”
他扶着我向小卡车走去。
“我们去哪啊？”我问道。
“我还不确定，”他说道，“我会召集一个会议。嘿，在这里等我一下，好吗？”他让我靠在小卡车边上，松开了我的手。
“你去哪里？”
“我很快就回来。：他承诺道，然后转过身，快速地穿过停车场，接着穿过马路，窜进了路边的森林。他在树丛中轻快地穿梭，像只鹿一样敏捷、迅速。
“雅各布！”我扯着嗓子喊道，但他已经无影无踪。
这个时侯单独待在这种地方实在不是明智之举。雅各布刚刚消失在视线之处，我就感到呼吸加速。我吃力地爬进车里，使劲按下车栓，但是一点安全感也没有。
维多利亚一直在找我。她没找到只不过是因为我运气好——运气好再加上五个年轻狼人的保护，我喘着粗气。不管雅各布怎么安慰我，一想到他靠近维多利亚就让我毛骨悚然，不管雅各布在愤怒时会变身成什么样子，我满脑都是维多利亚可怖的形象，野蛮的脸，似火的发，杀人不眨眼，无人能匹敌.....
但是，雅各布说，劳伦特死了。这是真的吗？爱德华——我下意识地捂住胸口——曾告诉我杀死吸血鬼是件很难办到的事，只有另外一个吸血鬼才有这个能力，可杰克却说狼人生来就是为完成这个使命......
他说他们会特别留意查理——应该相信狼人能保证我父亲的安全，但是，我怎么可能相信呢？我们每一个人都不安全！特别是雅各布，如果他介入维多利亚和查理之间......介入维多利亚和我之间。
我又感到一阵恶心。
车窗上突然响起急促的敲打声，我吓得尖叫起来——是雅各布，他回来了。我松了口气，用颤抖的手指打开车门。
“你吓坏了，是吗？”他边问边钻进车里。
我点点头。
“别怕。我们会照看好你——还有查理，我发誓。”
“让你发现维多利亚比让她发现我更恐怖。”我轻声说。
他笑了起来：“你应该对我们充满信心，别太小瞧我们。”
我摇了摇头，凶狠残暴的吸血鬼我见得太多了。
“你刚才去哪里了？”我问道。
他撅起嘴，什么也不说。
“怎么了，难道是个秘密？”
他皱着眉头：“不是，但是听上去有些不同寻常，我不想吓着你。”
“我现在已经习惯了不同寻常的事情。”我想笑但却笑不出来。
雅各布轻松地冲我咧嘴一笑：“我想你也应该习以为常了。好吧，告诉你，我们这些狼人变成狼以后，可以......听见对方。”
我疑惑地皱了皱眉。
“不是指听见对方的声音，”他继续说，“而且.....内心的想法——彼此都能听见——不管我们相隔多远。当我们追踪敌人时，这一点确实帮了不少忙，但在其他时候，它却带来了不少麻烦。有时候真叫人难堪——连一点秘密都藏不住。不同寻常，是吗？”
“昨天晚上，你说，虽然你不愿意告诉他们你见过我，但不得不向他们坦白。你当时就是指得这回事，对吗？”
“你真聪明。”
“谢谢。”
“你竟然能够接受这些不同寻常的事情，我以为说出来会让你害怕。”
“不会.....其实，你不是我所遇见的第一个有这种特异功能的人，所以我并不觉得奇怪。”
“真的吗？等待，你说的不会是那些视血如命的家伙吧？”
“我希望你不要这样称呼他们。”
他笑了笑：“好吧，卡伦一家，可以吧？”
“不是.....只是爱德华而已。”我假装自然地抬起一只胳膊挡在胸前。
雅各布看上去有些吃惊——面露愠色：“我以为这些只不过是传说而已，我听说有些吸血鬼拥有......特异功能，但我以前以为这些只不过是传说，并非事实。”
“如今还有什么传说不是事实呢？”我不太高兴地问他。
他皱了皱眉：“也许没有了吧。好了，我们去以前骑摩托车的地方和山姆还有其他人碰头。”
我发动了小卡车，朝大路上开去。
“你刚才是不是变成一匹狼。为了和山姆说话？”我好奇地问道。雅各布点点头，显得有点尴尬：“我只简短地说了几句——我试着不去想你，这样他们就不知道发生了什么事。不然，山姆不会让我带你一起去。”
“他阻止不了我。”我始终没有摆脱坏蛋山姆的印象，一听到他的名字，我还是会感到深恶痛绝。
“但是，他可以阻止我，”雅各布犹豫地说道，“还记得昨晚我说话时的吞吞吐吐吗？还记得我多想实话实说却欲言又止吗？”
“记得，你看上去就像被什么东西哽住了喉咙。”
他苦笑了一下：“形容得真贴切。山姆告诉我任何事都不能对你说，他是......群狼之首，是老大。当他告诉我们要做什么事情，或者不能做什么事情——如果他决意已定，那么，我们就必须照做。”
“真奇怪。”我咕哝道。
“非常奇怪，”他赞同道，“这就是狼群的习性。”
“嗯。”这是我能想到的最好的回答。
“是啊，还有很多类似的规矩——狼群的习性，我仍在学习。我无法想象山姆是如何独自度过难关的。即使有一群狼人陪在我身边，我都无法忍受其中的痛苦。”
“山姆是独自一人？”
“对，”雅各布压低声音，“第一次......变身的时候，我觉得这是我所经历的最.....恐怖。最可怕的事情——简直超乎我的想象，但我不是孤单一个人——我脑子里有很多声音，它们告诉我发生了什么事、我应该怎么做。正是这样，我才不至于惊慌失措。但是山姆.....”
他摇了摇头，“没有人帮山姆。”
我脑海中对山姆的一贯印象渐渐转变。听着雅各布如此诉说，很难不动恻隐之心。我不断提醒自己，没有理由再继续憎恶山姆。
“我和你一起去，他们不会生气吗？”我问道。
他扮了个鬼脸：“也许会。”
“也许我不应该....”
“不，没关系，”他向我保证，“你知道许多能够帮助我们的事情，并不像其他人一样一无所知。你像是一个......我不知道应该怎么说，间谍或者什么，你曾经深入敌人内部。”
我紧锁眉头。难道这就是雅各布想从我这里得到的东西？帮助他们战胜敌人的内部消息？我不是间谍，我从没有刻意搜集过他们想要的信息，但是，他的话还是让我感到自己像个叛徒。
可我希望他能消灭维多利亚，不是嘛？
不是。
我确实希望维多利亚被消灭掉，最好是在她折磨我至死之前，或者撞上查理之前，或者杀害其他无辜者之前被消灭掉，但我不希望雅各布去追踪她、消灭她，我不希望雅各布靠她太近。
“比如吸血鬼也会心灵感应这类事,”他继续说着，没有发现我正在陷入沉思，“这就是我们想要知道的信息。那些传说竟然是事实，真让人沮丧，我们面临的问题更加棘手了。嘿，你认为维多利亚也有特异功能吗？”
“我不这么认为，”我想了想，叹了口气，“如果有的话，他应该会提起。”
“他？哦，你是说爱德华——哎呀，对不起，我忘了，你不喜欢说起或者听到他的名字。”
我轻轻地揉了揉肚子，尽量不去想胸前的阵痛：“不太喜欢。”
“对不起。”
“你怎么这么了解我，雅各布？有时候，我觉得你似乎也能读着我的心思。”
“不，我只是比较留心而已。”
我们到了雅各布第一次教我骑摩托车的泥路上。
“停在这里？”我问道。
“可以，可以。”
我开到路边，关掉发动机。
“你还是非常不开心，对吗?”他低声问道。
我点了点头，茫然地盯着阴郁的森林。
“你有没有想过.....也许.....现在的生活比从前更好？”
我慢慢地吸了口气，然后缓缓地呼了出来：“没有。”
“因为他不是最适合.....”
“求你了，雅各布，”我打断了他。轻声地请求道，“我们能不能不谈这个？我受不了。”
“好吧，”他深吸了口气，“抱歉我说了不该说的话。”
“别自责了。能够找人诉说苦恼、分担心事是再好不过的事情，只是我的情况不同。”
他点点头：“的确如此，向你保守秘密的那两个星期实在不好过。找不到任何人倾诉，就像在地狱里受煎熬一样。”
“确实是煎熬。”我赞同道。
雅各布猛吸一口气：“他们来了，我们走吧。”
“你确定吗？”他推开车门时我问道，“也许我不应该来这里。”
“他们会接受的，”他说道，接着咧嘴一笑，“你是不是害怕这群巨狼？”
“哈哈。”我笑了笑。我从车里下来，快速地绕过车头，紧挨在雅各布身边站着。在草地上见到的巨型怪兽的样子至今历历在目。我的双手同之前雅各布的手一样颤抖不停，不同的是，我是因为恐惧而不是愤怒。
杰克握住我的手轻轻地捏着：“我们走吧。”
收听单词发音 |
1
condone
|
|
| v.宽恕；原谅 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
killer
|
|
| n.杀人者，杀人犯，杀手，屠杀者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
killing
|
|
| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
reverberated
|
|
| 回响，回荡( reverberate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使反响，使回荡，使反射 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
flicked
|
|
| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
doorway
|
|
| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
stoic
|
|
| n.坚忍克己之人，禁欲主义者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
flickered
|
|
| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
slant
|
|
| v.倾斜，倾向性地编写或报道；n.斜面，倾向 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
twitch
|
|
| v.急拉，抽动，痉挛，抽搐；n.扯，阵痛，痉挛 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
justified
|
|
| a.正当的，有理的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
stranded
|
|
| a.搁浅的，进退两难的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
brittle
|
|
| adj.易碎的；脆弱的；冷淡的；(声音)尖利的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
tentacles
|
|
| n.触手( tentacle的名词复数 )；触角；触须；触毛 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
decided
|
|
| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
silhouette
|
|
| n.黑色半身侧面影，影子，轮廓；v.描绘成侧面影，照出影子来，仅仅显出轮廓 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
clattered
|
|
| 发出咔哒声（clatter的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
rangers
|
|
| 护林者( ranger的名词复数 )； 突击队员 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
growled
|
|
| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
growl
|
|
| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
hissed
|
|
| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
abrupt
|
|
| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
snarl
|
|
| v.吼叫，怒骂，纠缠，混乱；n.混乱，缠结，咆哮 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
flinched
|
|
| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
groaned
|
|
| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
vampire
|
|
| n.吸血鬼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
vampires
|
|
| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
eyebrows
|
|
| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
joyful
|
|
| adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
gasped
|
|
| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
chaos
|
|
| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
leech
|
|
| n.水蛭，吸血鬼，榨取他人利益的人；vt.以水蛭吸血；vi.依附于别人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
shuddered
|
|
| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
lone
|
|
| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
qualified
|
|
| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
calves
|
|
| n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子，腓；腿肚子( calf的名词复数 )；牛犊；腓；小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 )；（冰川）崩解；生（小牛等），产（犊）；使（冰川）崩解 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
babbling
|
|
| n.胡说，婴儿发出的咿哑声adj.胡说的v.喋喋不休( babble的现在分词 )；作潺潺声（如流水）；含糊不清地说话；泄漏秘密 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
mumbled
|
|
| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
touching
|
|
| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
ashen
|
|
| adj.灰的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
clenched
|
|
| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
horrified
|
|
| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
nausea
|
|
| n.作呕，恶心；极端的憎恶(或厌恶) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
spun
|
|
| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
spasms
|
|
| n.痉挛( spasm的名词复数 )；抽搐；（能量、行为等的）突发；发作 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
snarled
|
|
| v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的过去式和过去分词 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
slump
|
|
| n.暴跌，意气消沉，（土地）下沉；vi.猛然掉落，坍塌，大幅度下跌 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
sagging
|
|
| 下垂[沉，陷]，松垂，垂度 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
frantic
|
|
| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
shuddering
|
|
| v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
flexing
|
|
| n.挠曲，可挠性v.屈曲( flex的现在分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
flipped
|
|
| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
slits
|
|
| n.狭长的口子，裂缝( slit的名词复数 )v.切开，撕开( slit的第三人称单数 )；在…上开狭长口子 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
sprinted
|
|
| v.短距离疾跑( sprint的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
sleek
|
|
| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
hoarsely
|
|
| adv.嘶哑地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
mashed
|
|
| a.捣烂的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
exhaled
|
|
| v.呼出，发散出( exhale的过去式和过去分词 )；吐出（肺中的空气、烟等），呼气 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
horrifying
|
|
| a.令人震惊的，使人毛骨悚然的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
yelp
|
|
| vi.狗吠 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
weird
|
|
| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
wryly
|
|
| adv. 挖苦地，嘲弄地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
scowled
|
|
| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
66
morose
|
|
| adj.脾气坏的，不高兴的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
67
chuckled
|
|
| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
68
traitor
|
|
| n.叛徒，卖国贼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
69
oblivious
|
|
| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
70
throbbing
|
|
| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
71
inhaled
|
|
| v.吸入( inhale的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |