IT WAS SPRING BREAK IN FORKS AGAIN. WHEN I WOKE UP on Monday morning, I lay inbed for a few seconds absorbing that. Last spring break, I'd been hunted by a vampire1, too. I hoped thiswasn't some kind of tradition forming.
Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I'd spent Sunday mostly on the beach, whileCharlie hung out with Billy at the Blacks' house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, but Jacob had otherthings to do, so I wandered alone, keeping the secret from Charlie.
When Jacob dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me hisschedule wasn't always this crazy, but until Victoria was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.
When we walked along the beach now, he always held my hand.
This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his "girlfriend." I supposed that thatwas exactly what it looked like from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it really was, Ishouldn't let those kinds of assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known thatJacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. But his hand felt nice as it warmed mine,and I didn't protest.
I worked Tuesday afternoon—Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely—and Mikenoticed.
"Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore2?" He asked, poorly disguising the resentment3 inhis tone.
I shrugged4. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though. He'smy best friend."Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you.""I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated.""And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.
I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.
That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at Billy's house. Emily brought a cake thatwould have won over a harder man than Charlie. I could see, as the conversation flowed naturallythrough a range of casual subjects, that any worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Pushwere being dissolved.
Jake and I skipped out early, to get some privacy. We went out to his garage and sat in the Rabbit.
Jacob leaned his head back, his face drawn5 with exhaustion6.
"You need some sleep, Jake." "I'll get around to it."He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.
"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked him. "The heat, I mean.""Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get coldanymore. I could stand like this"—he gestured to his bare torso—"in a snowstorm and it wouldn't botherme. The flakes7 would turn to rain where I stood.""And you all heal fast—that's a wolf thing, too?""Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." His eyes flipped8 open and he grinned. He reached around me to theglove compartment9 and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.
"No, I do not want to see!" I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. "Put that away!"Jacob chuckled10, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. "Fine. It's a good thing we heal, though.
You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead.""No, I guess not." I thought about that for a minute. "… And being so big—that's part of it? Is that whyyou're all worried about Quil?""That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead." Jacob's faceturned hopeless. "It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and thensuddenly—" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you getreally upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything—I was happy." Helaughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kepton building up inside me—I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from thatmovie and Billy said I looked weird11. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I—I exploded. I almostripped his face off—my own father!" He shuddered13, and his face paled.
"Is it really bad, Jake?" I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable14?""No, I'm not miserable," he told me. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before." Heleaned over so that his cheek was resting on top of my head.
He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. Maybe I didn't want to know.
"What's the hardest part?" I whispered, still wishing I could help.
"The hardest part is feeling… out of control," he said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself—likemaybe you shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurtsomebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second… and she wasstanding too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts—Iknow what that feels like…"Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?
"And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I'm better at it than the rest of them—does thatmake me even less human than Enbry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself.""Is it hard? To find yourself again?""At first," he said. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth15. But it's easier tor me." "Why?" I wondered.
"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather.""Quil?" I asked in confusion.
"His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin.""But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?""Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides.
I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance."His expression was bleak16.
"What's the very best part?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up.
"The best part," he said, suddenly smiling again, "is the speed.""Better than the motorcycles?"He nodded, enthusiastic. "There's no comparison.""How fast can you… ?""Run?" he finished my question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught… what was hisname? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else."It did mean something to me. I couldn't imagine that—the wolves running faster than a vampire. When theCullens ran, they all but turned invisible with speed.
"So, tell me something I don't know," he said. "Something about vampires17. How did you stand it, beingaround them? Didn't it creep you out?""No," I said curtly18.
My tone made him thoughtful for a moment.
"Say, why'd your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?" he asked suddenly.
"James was trying to kill me—it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when Iwas in the hospital down in Phoenix19?"Jacob sucked in a breath. "He got that close?""He got very, very close." I stroked my scar. Jacob noticed, because he held the hand I moved.
"What's that?" He traded hands, examining my right. "This is your funny scar, the cold one." He looked atit closer, with new eyes, and gasped20.
"Yes, it's what you think it is," I said. "James bit me."His eyes bulged21, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russet surface. He looked like hewas about to be sick.
"But if he bit you… ? Shouldn't you be… ?" He choked.
"Edward saved me twice," I whispered. "He sucked the venom22 out—you know, like with a rattlesnake."I twitched23 as the pain lashed24 around the edges of the hole.
But I wasn't the only one twitching25. I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine. Even the carshook.
"Careful, Jake. Easy. Ca in down.""Yeah," he panted. "Calm." He shook his head back and forth quickly. After a moment, only his handswere shaking.
"You okay?""Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about.""What do you want to know?""I don't know." He had his eyes closed, concentrating. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the otherCullens have… extra talents? Like the mind reading?"I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend. But what was thepoint of hiding what I knew? It didn't matter now, and it would help him control himself.
So I spoke26 quickly, the image of Emily's ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my arms. I couldn'timagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit—Jacob would tear the whole garage apart if hechanged now.
"Jasper could… sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calmsomeone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot," I added, teasing weakly. "And thenAlice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The thingsshe saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…"Like how she'd seen me dying… and she'd seen me becoming one of them. Two things that had nothappened. And one that never would. My head started to spin—I couldn't seem to pull in enough oxygenfrom the air. No lungs.
Jacob was entirely27 in control now, very still beside me.
"Why do you do that?" he asked. He tugged28 lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around mychest, and then gave up when it wouldn't come loose easily. I hadn't even realized I'd moved them. "Youdo that when you're upset. Why?""It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe… like I'm breaking into pieces…"Itwas bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.
He smoothed my hair. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry.""I'm fine." I gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault.""We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob said. "Neither one of us can hold our shape togetherright.""Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.
"At least we have each other," he said, clearly comforted by the thought.
I was comforted, too. "At least there's that," I agreed.
And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled todo, and so I was often alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any ofmy worries.
I felt awkward, always taking up space at Billy's. I did some studying for another Calculus29 test that wascoming up next week, but I could only look at math for so long. When I didn't have something obvious todo in my hands,I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy—the pressure of normal societal rules. But Billywasn't one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued.
I tried hanging out at Emily's place Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kind of nice. Emilywas a cheerful person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house andyard, scrubbing at the spotless floor, pulling a tiny weed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging30 a string of woolthrough an ancient loom31, and always cooking, too. She complained lightly about the increase in the boys'
appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn'thard to be with her—after all, we were both wolf girls now.
But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain32 thatJacob was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The aura of love and contentment thatsurrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses, with no one else around to dilute33 it.
So that left me wandering the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth, again andagain.
Alone time wasn't good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob, I'd been talking and thinkingabout the Cullens way too much. No matter how I tried to distract myself—and I had plenty to think of: Iwas honestly and desperately34 worried about Jacob and his wolf-brothers, I was terrified for Charlie andthe others who thought they were hunting animals, I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob withoutever having consciously decided35 to progress in that direction and I didn't know what to do aboutit—none of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off thepain in my chest for long. Eventually, I couldn't even walk anymore, because I couldn't breathe. I satdown on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball.
Jacob found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.
"Sorry," he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around myshoulders. I hadn't realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder12, but at least I couldbreathe with him there.
"I'm ruining your spring break," Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach.
"No, you're not. I didn't have any plans. I don't think I like spring breaks, anyway.""I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun."The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. "Fun?""Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating. As hiseyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration.
"Got it!" he crowed. "Another promise to keep." "What are you talking about?"He let go of my hand and pointed36 toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rockyhalf-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. I stared, uncomprehending.
"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?"I shivered.
"Yeah, it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure?
It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?"The dark water did not look inviting37, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before.
But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice. That was probably part of the problem. I wasaddicted to the sound of my delusions38. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping offa cliff was certain to remedy that situation.
"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun.""It's a date," he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders.
"Okay—now let's go get you some sleep." I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginningto look permanently40 etched onto his skin.
I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charliewould approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.
The idea of a distraction41 from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it would be fun. A date withJacob, a date with Edward… I laughed darkly to myself. Jake could say what he wanted about us beinga messed-up pair—I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downrightnormal.
I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced myarrival. When he didn't, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait—let him get as much rest ashe could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jake had been rightabout the weather, though; it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on theatmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweaterin the truck.
I knocked quietly on the door.
"C'mon in, Bella," Billy said.
He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.
"Jake sleeping?""Er, no." He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows42 pulled together.
"What happened?" I demanded. I could tell from his expression that something had.
"Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam washopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this." "Oh, no, Billy," I whispered. "Oh, no."He chuckled, deep and low. "Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentencehere?""Don't make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that.""You're right," he agreed, still complacent43. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. "This one's tricky44."I bit my lip.
"It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he's doing. You're the one that youshould worry about. The vampire doesn't want to fight them. She's just trying to find a way aroundthem… to you.""How does Sam know what he's doing?" I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me. "They've onlykilled just the one vampire—that could have been luck.""We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothing's been forgotten. Everything they need to know hasbeen passed down from father to son for generations."That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Victoria, wild, catlike, lethal,was too strong in my head. If she couldn't get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go throughthem.
Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels.
That didn't last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that Icouldn't see out the curtained windows.
"I'll be at the beach," I told Billy abruptly45, and hurried out the door.
Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight thatkept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. Ididn't see any animals—no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie46;there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees.
I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy47. The heavy, warm pressure ofthe atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in thestorm department. A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly48 despite thelack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could seeanother layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious49 plan in store for today. Theanimals must be bunkering down.
As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn't come—I'd already had enough of this place. I'd beenhere almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else togo? I trudged50 down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangledroots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.
I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen toJacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost too much already—would fate take the last few shreds51 ofpeace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule,crossed some line that had condemned52 me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths andlegends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe… No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function.
"Argh!" I groaned53, and jumped off the log. I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing.
I'd really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that mightmake it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge forthe times that Jacob's presence had tamed it. The edges burned.
The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I feltpinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled54 around me, but it was perfectly55 still where Istood. The air had a faint electric charge—I could feel the static in my hair.
Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering56 against theline of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam57 into the sky. There was still no movement in theair, though the clouds roiled58 more quickly now. It was eerie looking—like the clouds were moving bytheir own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.
The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Jacob hadtold me about Sam and his "gang." I thought of the boys—the werewolves—throwing themselves into theempty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedomof the fall… I imagined the way Edward's voice would have sounded in my head—furious, velvet59,perfect… The burning in my chest flared60 agonizingly.
There had to be some way to quench61 it. The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second.
I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves.
Well, why not? Why not quench it right now?
Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn't he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give upthe distraction I needed so badly—needed even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it,in essence, for me. If it weren't for me, Victoria would not be killing62 people here… just somewhere else,far away. If anything happened to Jacob, it would be my fault. That realization63 stabbed deep and had mejogging back up to the road toward Billy's house, where my truck waited.
I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little path that wouldtake me out to the ledge64. As I followed it, I looked for turns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned totake me off the lower outcropping rather than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward thebrink with no options. I didn't have time to find another way down—the storm was moving in quicklynow. The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground. Just as Ireached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice65, the first drops broke throughand splattered on my face.
It was not hard to convince myself that I didn't have time to search for another way—I wanted to jumpfrom the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel likeflying.
I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. Thepain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away…The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. Igrimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me.
The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies66 around me.
I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly,caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it . . waiting.
"Bella."I smiled and exhaled67.
Yes? I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. Hesounded so real, so close. It was only when lie was disapproving68 like this that I could hear the truememory of his voice—the velvet texture69 and the musical intonation70 that made up the most perfect of allvoices.
"Don't do this," he pleaded.
You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.
"Please. For me."But you won't stay with me any other way.
"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched71 my clothes—makingme as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.
I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.
"No, Bella!" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.
I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it wastoo ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool—feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouchingto get more spring…And I flung myself off the cliff.
I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and notfear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirlingme in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.
Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colderthan I'd feared, and yet the chill only added to the high.
I was proud of myself as I plunged72 deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment ofterror—just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge?
That was when the current caught me.
I'd been so preoccupied73 by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that Ihadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking74 farbelow me, under the heaving surf.
It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined75 toshare by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach ratherthan struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way theshore was.
I couldn't even tell which way the surface was.
The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity wasall-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves—I couldn't feel a downwardpull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a ragdoll.
I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen.
It didn't surprise me that my delusion39 of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that Iwas dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.
"Keep swimming!" Edward begged urgently in my head.
Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.
"Stop that!" he ordered. "Don't you dare give up!"The cold of the water was numbing76 my arms and legs. I didn't feel the buffeting77 so much as before. It wasmore of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.
But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every secondI was facing a new direction. It couldn't be doing any good. What was the point?
"Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."Why?
I didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my armsas the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happythat it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful.
I thought briefly78 of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I wasso much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?
I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. Mysubconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see hisperfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of hisjaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth wereclenched and his nostrils79 flared with rage.
"No! Bella, no!"My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his wordsand concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Evenas my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped80 in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten whatreal happiness felt like.
Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in thegloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed81 outof my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking andburning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling me away from Edward, deeper into the dark, tothe ocean floor.
Goodbye, I love you, was my last thought.
15 气压
福克斯的春季休假又到来了。星期一早上，一觉醒来，我躺在床上思绪万千。去年春假时，我也被一个吸血鬼追逐着，真不希望这种追逐成为每年一次的惯例。
我已经习惯了拉普西的生活，周日的大部分时间我都在海滩度过，查理和比利则待在布莱克家的房子里。我应该同雅各布在一起，但是雅各布有其他事情要做。我只能一个人在海滩上散步，对查理Ｊ厮 忻孛堋?
雅各布偶尔会到海滩上来看看我是否安全，他为冷落了我而感到抱歉。他告诉我，他从没像现在这样忙碌过，再除掉维多利亚之前，所有的狼人都处于红色警备状态。
当我们有机会一起散步的时候，他总是会牵着我的手。
这让我想起了杰瑞德的话，他曾说过雅各布不应该把“女朋友”牵扯进来。我想，在外人看来，我们的确是男女朋友关系。只要杰克和我清楚我们之间的关系，我大可不必在意外人的看法。如果不是雅各布总喜欢叫别人误解，我也许根本不会把这件事放在心上，但是，他的手是那么的暖和，握着他的手让我感到温暖。
星期二下午我要工作——雅各布骑着摩托车跟在我的车后，确保我安全到达——迈克看见我和他在一起。
“你在和拉普西的那个男孩儿约会吗？二年级的那个？”他问道，语气中带着明显的反感。
我耸耸肩：“严格地说，没有，虽然我大部分时间和雅各布在一起，他是我最好的朋友。”迈克狡黠地眯缝着眼睛：“别骗自己了，贝拉，那家伙都被你弄得神魂颠倒了。”
“我知道，”我叹了口气，“生活太复杂了。”
“女孩儿们太残忍了。”迈克低声说道。
我们俩都做了简单的论断。
这天晚上，山姆和艾米丽也来到比利家，他们同我和查理一起吃甜点。艾米丽带来了蛋糕，即使是比查理更难对付的人也会被她的蛋糕征服。我们一桌人轻松、自然地闲聊着，我看得出，查理对拉普西小团体的忧虑完全烟消云散了。
杰克和我走到屋外，想单独待一会儿。我们来到他的车库，坐进“兔子”车里。雅各布仰头倚靠在座椅背上，一脸疲惫不堪的样子。
“你应该睡一觉，杰克。” “有时间我会睡的。”
他握住我的手，他的皮肤像是在燃烧一样发烫。
“这也是狼的特性吗？”我问他，“我是说体温。”
“对。我们比一般人的体温要高一些，大概四十二摄氏度或者四十三摄氏度，我再也不会感冒了，我可以”——他指了指只穿着一件外套的上半身——“像这个样子站在暴风雪中，而且一点事也没有，雪花落在我周围都会化作雨点。”
“你们有很强的复原能力——这也是狼的特性，对吗？”
“对，想见识一下吗？简直酷毙了。”他兴奋地睁大眼睛，咧嘴大笑。他打开仪表板下的储物柜，在里面摸索了半天，掏出了一把折叠刀。
“不，我不想看，”我意识到他要做什么，叫了起来，“把它拿开！”
雅各布咯咯地笑着，把折叠刀有扔回了原处：“好吧，不过，能够自我复原确实是件好事。我们的体温这么高，是正常人的话早就死了。如果去看医生，医生肯定会被吓坏的。”
“没错。”我想了想，“.....还有，体形魁梧——这也是特性之一吗？所以你们才会担心奎尔？”
“不仅是因为奎尔身材高大，他的祖父说这孩子的额头烫得可以煎鸡蛋。”
雅各布露出绝望的神色，“要不了多久了。然后，突然间.....”他停了下来，半晌才开口说话，“如果时常感到特别伤心或者心情不大好，变身会提前发生，但是我从没觉得伤心——我向来很快乐，”他苦笑了一下，“主要是因为你而快乐，所以我的变身来得更晚一些，但是，我体内的那股能量一直在积蓄——我就像是一枚定时炸弹。你知道我是怎样被引爆的吗？看电影的那天，我回到家里，比利说我看上去怪怪的，就这样，我发作了。接着，我——我开始变身，我几乎要把他的脸给撕烂了——我亲爱的父亲！”他身子一抖，脸色惨白。
“真的这么糟糕吗，杰克？”我不安地问道，希望自己能有法子帮他，“是不是感到特别痛苦？”
“不，不痛苦，”他说道，“再也不会痛苦。你现在已经知道真相了，而在此之前，日子确实不好过。”他朝我靠过来，脸贴在我的头上。
他沉默了半天，我不知道他在想什么，也许我不想知道。
“什么时候最难熬？”我轻声问道，仍希望能帮上忙。
“最难熬的时候就是觉得.....完全失控，”他慢慢地说，“觉得连自己都无法相信自己——觉得你不应该待在我身边，任何人都不应该待在我身边，我是一个会伤人的怪兽。你看到艾米丽的样子了，山姆一下子失去控制....而她当时离他太近了。如今，他无论如何也无法挽回一切。我听到他的心思——我了解这是一种什么感觉....
“谁愿意变成魔鬼、变成怪兽呢？“变身对我来说是件轻而易举的事情，我在这方面比他们任何一个都娴熟——这是不是意味着我比起恩布里或者山姆更没人性？有的时候，我很害怕我会迷失自己。”“变回自己很难吗？”
“刚开始时，”他说道，“需要多多练习，但是这个过程对我来说比较容易。”
“为什么？”我问道。
“因为伊弗列姆·布莱克是我的父亲的祖父，奎尔·阿蒂拉是我母亲的祖父。”“奎尔？”我疑惑地问道。
“他的曾祖父，”雅各布解释道，“你认识的那个奎尔是我的第二代表弟。”
“你的曾祖父是谁跟变身有什么关系呢？”我问道，想让他振作起来。
“最大的好处，”他突然笑了起来，“就是速度。”
“比摩托车还要快吗?”
他激动地点点头：“简直没法比。”
“你们能跑多快.....”
“快？”他接过我的问题，“足够快。怎么说呢？我们追到了....他叫什么来着？劳伦特吗？我想你就能明白我们究竟有多快了。”
我确实明白了。我没想到——狼竟然比吸血鬼跑得还要快。卡伦一家人跑起来就像阵风似的，速度快得惊人。
“好了，告诉我一些我不知道的事情吧，”他说，“关于吸血鬼的事情。你怎么敢和他们在一起？难道不觉得心惊胆战吗？”
“不。”我简单地回答道。
我的语气让他迟疑了片刻。
“那么，你的吸血鬼到底为什么除掉那个詹姆斯？”他突然问道。
“詹姆斯想杀了我——这对他来说就像是玩游戏，但他失败了。
你记得去年春天我住进了凤凰城的医院吗？”
雅各布深吸了口气：“那他岂不是快要得手了？”
“他差一点点就得手了。”我摸了摸伤疤。雅各布注意到我的动作，因为他正握着我移开的那只手。
“这是什么？”他握住我的右手，仔细地看着，“是你的伤疤，冰冰凉的伤疤。”他又凑近了一些，睁大眼睛盯着那道疤，喘着粗气。
“是的，你想得没错，”我说，“詹姆斯咬了我。”
他的眼睛瞪得圆圆的，深褐色的脸变成了奇怪的蜡黄色，他看上去像是要吐。
“如果他咬了你....你不就是.....”他哽咽得说不出话来。
“爱德华救了我两次，”我轻声说，“他帮我把毒液吸出来——像处理毒蛇咬的伤口那样。”我的胸口一阵剧痛，整个身子抽搐起来。
身体颤抖的人不止我一个。我能感到身旁的雅各布也在不停抖动，连车身也跟着颤动起来。
“小心，杰克，放松，冷静下来。”
“是的，”他大口喘着气，“冷静。”他的脑袋迅速的前后晃动着。过了一会儿，只有他的手还在抖动。
“还好吗？”
“是的，好多了。说点别的什么吧，让我想想其他事情。”
“你想知道什么？”
“我也不知道。”他闭上眼睛，使自己集中精神，“说说特异功能吧。卡伦家的其他人有.....特异功能吗？比方说心灵感应？”
我犹豫了一下。这个问题似乎是对间谍而不是对朋友提出的，但是，我隐瞒我所知道的事情又有什么意义呢？一切都不重要了，况且说出事实还能帮他平静下来。
于是我很快回答了他。脑子里一想到艾米丽那张毁容的脸，我就觉得毛骨悚然。我无法想象“兔子”车如何容纳一匹深褐色的狼——如果雅各布此刻变身，整个车库都会被他摧毁。
“贾斯帕可以.....控制周围人的情绪。当然不是用这个本领来干坏事，而是帮助人们镇定下来，诸如此类。也许这招对保罗很有用。”
我开玩笑地补充了一句，“爱丽丝能够预见将来发生的事情，就是预见未来，但也不是那么准确。如果当事人中途改变了原有的想法，她所遇见的事情就不会发生.....”
比如，她曾预见我会死去......我会成为他们中的一分子。这两件事都没有发生，而且其中一件永远都不会发生。我有点儿头晕目眩——似乎没办法吸入足够的氧气，我的肺似乎消失不见了。
雅各布完全恢复了镇定，静静地坐在我身边。
“你为什么总是这个样子？”他问道，轻轻地拉着我压在胸前的手臂，但是我紧紧按着胸口，迟迟不肯松开，他只好作罢。连我自己也没意识到我是什么时候抬起手臂的，“你伤心的时候就会这个样子，为什么？”
“一想到他们，我的胸口就疼痛难忍，”我轻声说，“好像不能呼吸....好想要粉身碎骨.....”此时此刻，我竟然对雅各布敞开心扉，我们之间再也没有秘密了。
他抚摸着我的头发：“没事，贝拉，没事。我不会再提起他们，对不起。”
“我没事，”我喘着粗气，“总是这个样子，不是你的错。”
“我们俩真是糟糕的一对，不是吗？”雅各布说道，“我们都不能控制自己的身体。”
“可怜。”我赞同道，仍然上气不接下气。
“至少我们拥有彼此。”他欣慰地说道。
我也感到莫大的安慰：“至少是这样。”
我们待在一起的时候，一切都风平浪静，但雅各布肩负着一个必须去完成的危险使命，这样，我不得不经常一个人独处，为了安全，我只能留在拉普西，整天无所事事，那些愁情烦绪终日缠绕着我。
在比利家，我感到无所适从。我复习功课，准备下周的微积分考试，但我不可能长时间和比利聊聊天——这似乎是社会潜规则造成的强制行为。可是，比利并不是个善谈的人，我们的谈话常常陷入僵局，于是，我的无所适从感与日俱增。
每个周三下午我会去艾米丽那里换换心情。刚开始我还觉得很愉快，艾米丽性格开朗，似乎总有做不完的家务活，拔除刚刚冒出来的野草，修理坏掉的门铰链，在一台老式织机上费力的纺线，其余的时间她都用来做饭。她抱怨男孩儿们因为整天奔跑而大大增加的食欲，但看得出来，她非常乐意照顾他们。和她在一起我感到舒心——毕竟，我们俩现在都是巨狼儿女孩了。
可是，我在她家刚刚待上几个小时山姆就回来了。我总是简单地向他打听雅各布是否安全，然后就匆匆离去。他们两人之间的浓情蜜意让我觉得自己是个多余的人。
就这样，我只能一个人在海滩漫步，在岩石地上徘徊。
独处对于我来说毫无益处。自从向雅各布坦白了心声，我再也无法停止对卡伦一家的谈论和回忆。不管我怎么努力去分散自己的注意力——其实还有很多事情值得操心：我为雅各布和他的狼人兄弟们而牵肠挂肚；我为查理和其他在森林狩猎的人们而担惊受怕；虽然我没有同雅各布发展下去的打算，但我却越来越离不开他，我不知道应该如何处理我们之间的关系——所有这些真实迫切的想法和急需解决的问题都无法令我忘却胸口的伤痛。最后，我连走路的力气都没了，只感到呼吸困难。我在一片潮湿的岩石地上坐下来，将身子蜷缩成一团。
雅各布在这个时侯来到我身边，我从他的眼神中可以看出，他完全理解我的心情。
“对不起。”他一见我就说道。他把我从地上拉起来，用双臂紧紧地搂住我的肩膀。直到此时，我才意识到自己已经冻得像冰块。他温暖的身体让我打了个寒噤，有他在我身边，我又能自如地呼吸。
我们一起沿着海滩散步。“是我破坏了你的春假。”雅各布自责道。
“不，你没有。我本来就没有什么安排，反正我本来就不太喜欢春假。”
“明天上午我休息，他们没有我也能应付，我们可以做点有趣的事。”
“有趣？”这个词似乎与我现在的生活毫不相干，听上去都让人觉得奇怪。
“你现在最需要的就是有趣的事。嗯.....”他望着远处灰蒙蒙的海浪，仔细地考虑着。他扫了一眼海平线，突然有了主意。
“有了！”他欢叫道，“履行另外一个诺言。”
“你说什么？”
他松开我的手，指向海滩的最南角，一堵陡峭的海崖截住了弯月形的海岸线。我盯着那座悬崖峭壁，还是不理解他的意思。
“我不是承诺过要带你去按压跳水吗？”
我身子一抖。
“确实，会很冷——但是不会像今天这么冷。你没感觉到天气的变化吗？气流的变化？明天会更暖和。你想不想去？”
昏暗的海水看上去一点也不适合跳水，而且，从我们站立的角度望去，那些绝壁似乎比平常更高一些。
但是，我有好些日子没听到爱德华的声音了。这也许正是所有愁情烦绪的源头。我太痴迷于这个幻想中的声音，如果太久没有听到，心情就会越来越糟，从悬崖上跳下来肯定能解决这个问题。
“好，我去，做点有趣的事。”
“这算是个约会。”他说道，手臂绕上我的肩膀。
“好——但现在你必须去睡一觉。”他的黑眼圈似乎是要永远留在他的脸上，而这不是我所希望看到的。
第二天我很早就起床，悄悄地将潜水的行头装进小卡车里。我猜想查理应该会同意我们今天的计划，就像他曾经支持我学骑摩托车一样。
我想到将要暂时摆脱所有的烦恼就觉得兴奋，也许这将会是件快乐的事，与雅各布约会，与爱德华约会.....我暗自高兴。杰克有理由说我们是糟糕的一对——而我才是那个真正糟糕透顶的人，我竟然把狼人视为完完全全的正常人。
我以为雅各布会在他家门口等我，每次一听到小卡车的声音，他都会出来接我，但这次他没有，我想他应该还在睡觉。我可以等——让他拥有充足的睡眠。他需要休息，而且晚一点出发天气会更暖和。杰克对天气的判断很准确，气温的确升高了许多。厚厚的云层压在头顶，像是一床灰色的毛毯，让人感到格外闷热。我脱掉毛衫放在车里。
我轻轻地敲了敲门。
“进来吧，贝拉。”比利说道。
他坐在餐桌边吃着凉的燕麦粥。
“杰克还在睡觉吗？”
“恩，没有。”他放下勺子，眉头紧锁。
“发生了什么事？”我急切地问道。从他的表情可以看出，一定有什么是发生了！
“今天一大早，恩布里、杰瑞德和保罗发现了一些新的足迹。山姆和杰克过去帮忙了。山姆希望——她躲在山边，他们就有很好的机会结束这一切。”
“噢，不，比利，”我轻声说道，“噢，不。”
他笑了起来，声音低沉：“难道你舍不得拉普西，想要延长在此监禁的时间？”
“别开玩笑了，比利，这么恐怖的事情实在开不得玩笑。”
“你说得对。”虽然他嘴上表示赞成，但脸上仍然一副毫不担心的样子。我简直无法从他那双深邃的眼睛里读懂他的意思，“这一次的确应该小心谨慎。”
我咬了咬嘴唇。
“但也不是你想象的那么危险。山姆知道自己在干什么，你应该担心的人是你自己。吸血鬼的目标不是他们，她只是在想法子绕过他们找到....你。”
“山姆怎么会知道自己在干什么？”我质问道，完全漠视他对我的关心，“他们只杀过一个吸血鬼——而且很有可能是凭运气。”
“我们非常严肃地对待自己所做的事情，贝拉。他们学到的东西都是祖祖辈辈传下来的，没有一点疏漏。”
他想要安慰我，但是我还是放不下心。维多利亚凶残、野蛮的形象一直深深印刻在我脑海里。如果她没法绕过狼群，她肯定会跟他们一决高下。
比利又开始吃早餐，我坐在沙发上，心不在焉地调换电视频道。没过多久，我就感到自己被困在这个狭小的房间里，窗帘遮住了窗外的风景，让我觉得恐惧不安。
“我去海滩。”我突然对比利说道，然后匆匆奔向门外。
但是，来到户外情况并没有好转。厚厚的云层有一种无形的力量往下压，似乎要将我包围。我朝着海滩走去，森林里出奇的空荡，没有任何动物——没有小鸟，也没有松鼠，我也听不见鸟鸣声。这种寂静叫人发憷，就连风吹过树丛都没有任何声响。
我知道这时天气的原因，但还是抑制不住内心的烦躁不安。气压是如此强大，连我这个不太敏感的人都能感觉到，似乎预示着一场暴风雨即将到来。我抬头望了望天空，尽管没有风来吹动，云层仍在空中缓缓地翻滚着。最低的云层像烟雾一样灰蒙蒙的，透过低云层的缝隙，我能看到另一层可怕的紫色云朵。天空中正孕育着一个危险的计划，动物们一定都躲藏起来了。
一到海滩，我就后悔不该来——我来了太多次，几乎每天都到这里漫无目的地散步。这里同噩梦中的海滩又有什么区别呢？但是，我还能去哪里呢？我又走到那棵浮木旁坐下，身子倚靠在纠缠的树根上。我仰望着云海翻腾的天空，等待着第一滴雨滴坠落，打破所有的寂静。
我不愿去想雅各布和他的朋友们深处的险境，雅各布不可能有事的，可是，这样想不过是自欺欺人。我已经失去了太多——难道命运还要将仅存的一点安宁打破？这样也太不公平了，太不合理了。也许是因为我犯了天理
受了诅咒，也许是因为我深陷传说、神话中不能自拔，也许.....
不，雅各布不会有事的，我一定要相信这一点，不然，我再没法支撑下去了。
“啊！！”我痛苦地叫出声，跳了起来，我不能坐着一动不动，这比漫步更让人难以忍受。
我原本期待着今天能听到爱德华的声音，这是让我熬过漫长的一天的唯一动力。胸口的疼痛变本加厉地折磨我，似乎是在报复雅各布前些日子带给我的片刻欢愉，伤口像被灼烧般火辣辣的疼。
我沿着海滩走着，海浪渐渐汹涌起来，冲击着岸上的岩石，但始终无风。我觉得自己被被暴风雨前的强气压钉在原地，所有事物在我周围旋绕，只有我站立的地方静止不动。空气中带着微弱的电荷——我能感受到头发上的静电。
海上的波浪比岸边的更加汹涌。海水拍打着崖壁，激起巨大的白色浪花。空气中一丝风也没有，云层却翻滚得更加迅速。云层看上去怪怪的——它们完全按照自己的意志移动着。我为之一颤，虽然我知道出现这种景象不过是气压在作怪。
悬崖峭壁映衬在青灰色的天空下像是黑色的刀刃，我盯着它们，想起来雅各布对我说起山姆和“帮派”的那一天。我回想起那些男孩儿——狼人——在空中跃起的样子。还有他们急速下落的模样，至今仍历历在目。我想象着他们下落时的无拘无束....我想象着脑海中爱德华的声音——愤怒的、温柔的、完美的....胸口的伤痛似火燃烧。
一定有法子熄灭胸口的这团火，疼痛每分每秒在加剧，我呆呆地看着陡峭的山峰和澎湃的海水。
对了，为什么不在此刻就将它熄灭呢？为什么不呢？
雅各布承诺过要带我悬崖跳水，不是吗？仅仅因为他不在，我就应该放弃这一次摆脱所有烦扰的机会吗？我是多么渴望得到这样的机会啊——正因为雅各布随时都有生命危险，我就更加迫切地需要机会来赶走心头对他的担忧。事实上，雅各布是在为我铤而走险。如果不是因为我，维多利亚不会在这里杀害无辜的人们....她会到一个狼人遥不可及的地方。如果雅各布有什么闪失，全都是我的错。想到这里，我感到一阵钻心的痛，我朝着比利家走去，朝着我的小卡车走去。
去悬崖的近道我非常熟悉，但我还得找寻通往跳水点的小道。
我摸索着，研究每一个转弯和岔口，我知道，杰克计划带我从半山腰而不是山顶跳水，但是，蜿蜒曲折的小路一直把我引到了崖顶。我没时间再返转下山了——暴风雨马上就要来临。风终于刮了起来，云层似乎抬手可及。我沿着泥路到达山顶的时候，雨水开始滴落在我脸颊。
其实我根本就不用说服自己再折返回去——我就想从山顶跳下去！这是我蓄谋已久的计划，我想体验长时间待在空中的飞翔版的感觉。
这是我做过最愚蠢、最鲁莽的事情，意识到这一点，我不禁笑了起来。胸口的疼痛已经减轻了许多，似乎我的身体也意识到马上能听到爱德华的声音。
海浪声听上去非常遥远，比起我在山间小道上听到时要远得多。
想到海水的温度，我撇了撇嘴，但我不会因此退缩。
风越刮越猛，雨水在我身边形成了一个个小旋涡。
我走到悬崖边上，盯着前方的一片空白。我盲目的向前挪动着脚步直到无路可走，脚趾不停地摩挲着岩石的边缘。我深深吸了一口气，屏住了呼吸....等待着。
“贝拉。”
我笑了，吐了口气。
“怎么了？”我轻声回答道，生怕我的声音会破坏这个美丽的幻影。他听上去是如此真实，如此亲近。只有当他像现在这样阻止我的时候，我才能切切实实地感受到他的声音——温柔音质和动听语调所构成的最完美的声音。
“别这样。”他恳求道。
你要我做个凡人！我提醒他，好了，看着我跳吧！
“求你了，为了我，别这样。”
可是，无论怎样，你都不会和我在一起....
“求你了。”雨声几乎掩盖了他的声音。风雨吹打着我的头发和衣服，我浑身湿漉漉的——好像刚从海里潜水出来。
我踮起脚尖。
“不，贝拉！！”他有些生气，而生气时的声音显得更加迷人。
我笑了笑，举起伸直的手臂，仰起脸迎着雨水，摆出潜水前的姿势，但是，多年来在公共游泳池养成的习惯动作根深蒂固——记得我第一次在那儿游泳的时候，是脚朝下如水的。我朝前倾，躬起身子，争取更强的弹力....
我猛地一蹬腿跃了出去。
我像流星一样在空中坠落，我尖叫起来，不是因为恐惧，而是因为极度兴奋。空气无力地抵抗着不可战胜的万有引力，它将我螺旋转动，我仿佛是即将撞击地球的火箭。
棒极了！！落入水中的那一刹那，这句话在我脑中回荡。海水冰凉，比我预想的更冷，但是，这一丝寒意令我更加兴奋。
我在冰凉的海水里越沉越深，我为自己感到骄傲，因为我一点也不害怕——只有按耐不住的激动。真的，从峭壁上跳下来一点也不可怕。那么，悬崖跳水的挑战性究竟在哪儿呢？
当海水把我包围的时候，我终于明白了这个问题的答案。
之前，我只留意到陡峭的悬崖，只担心它的高度和陡峭带来的显而易见的危险，丝毫没有意识到等待着我的海水。我从没想到真正的威胁来自下方，来自汹涌的海面之下。
一波波的海水似乎为了争夺我而搏斗着，它们把我拉过来扯过去，像是要将我撕成几块，共同分享我这个战利品。我懂得如何应付激流：沿着与海岸平行的方向游，但是，我现在无法判断海岸在什么方向，这点知识压根儿帮不上忙。
我甚至无法判断海面在哪个方向。
四周是黑糊糊的海水，没有光亮指引我向上。引力在空气中是万能的，但面对海水，它却束手无策——我觉察不到向下的重力，没有向任何方向下沉的感觉。澎湃的海水把我当作玩具皮球一样翻转、投掷。
我强憋住一口气，紧紧地闭上双唇，锁住仅存的一点氧气。
爱德华的声音再次出现时我一点也不觉得意外。他早该出现了，因为我正在垂死挣扎。让我觉得意外的是，我竟然如此确定自己必死无疑。我就会被淹死，我是一个即将死去的人。
“接着游！”爱德华急切地恳求我。
游向哪里？漆黑一片，无处可游。
“不许这样想！”他命令道，“不许你放弃！”
冰凉的海水使我四肢麻木，我隐约觉得自己仍在游动，但那也只是在水里无力和无助地旋转。
但是，我听从了他的命令。我使劲伸开双臂、踢动双腿，但是每一次我都游向不同的方向。一点用都没有，再努力下去又有什么意义呢？
“游！”他嚷道，“见鬼，贝拉，继续游。”
为什么？
我不想再游了。我乐意待在这里，倒不是因为我觉得头晕目眩，也不是因为海水冰凉，更不是因为我四肢无力、精疲力竭，而是因为我庆幸，一切都将画上句号。比起我所面临的其他死亡方式，这是一种更舒服，更轻松，也更安宁。
我突然想起人们常说的一句话：临死前，你的一生将在你眼前闪现。我幸运的多，什么也没有看见，谁愿意看重播的情节呢？
但是，在我放弃的时候，我看到了他！他的形象如此清晰，比以往任何一次回忆中的印象都分明。我在潜意识保留了一个完美无缺的爱德华，直到最后关头他才会出现。我望着他那张精致的脸，好像是他就在我的面前；我看着他的冰冷皮肤、他的嘴唇、他的下颌、他那双愤怒的金色眼睛。他因为我的放弃而怒气冲冲，紧紧地咬着牙齿，连鼻息都带着怒气。
“不！贝拉，不！！”
我的耳朵里灌满了冰凉的海水，但是他的声音却比任何时候都清楚。我不去管他说了些什么，全神贯注地聆听他的声音。既然我乐意待在这里，又何必挣扎求生呢？尽管我的肺急需空气，我的腿痉挛不止，但是，我很满足，我已经很久没有体会到真正的幸福了。
幸福，是它让死亡的过程不那么痛苦。
海水完全征服了我，将我猛推向一个坚硬的东西，我估摸是黑暗中的一块岩石。它像坚硬的铁棒一样狠狠地直撞到我的胸膛，仅存的一口气迅速涌出胸腔，化成了许多银色的小气泡。海水冲入我的喉咙，让人感到窒息、刺痛。那铁棒似乎在用力拽我，硬拖着我离开爱德华，深入黑暗之中，潜入大海之底。
再见了，我爱你！这是我最后的念想。
收听单词发音 |
1
vampire
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| n.吸血鬼 | |
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sophomore
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| n.大学二年级生；adj.第二年的 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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flakes
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| 小薄片( flake的名词复数 )； （尤指）碎片； 雪花； 古怪的人 | |
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flipped
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| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
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compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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bleak
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| adj.(天气)阴冷的；凄凉的；暗淡的 | |
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vampires
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| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
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curtly
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| adv.简短地 | |
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phoenix
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| n.凤凰，长生(不死)鸟；引申为重生 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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bulged
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| 凸出( bulge的过去式和过去分词 )； 充满； 塞满（某物） | |
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venom
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| n.毒液，恶毒，痛恨 | |
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twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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tugged
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| v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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calculus
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| n.微积分；结石 | |
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tugging
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| n.牵引感v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的现在分词 ) | |
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loom
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| n.织布机，织机；v.隐现，(危险、忧虑等)迫近 | |
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ascertain
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| vt.发现，确定，查明，弄清 | |
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dilute
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| vt.稀释，冲淡；adj.稀释的，冲淡的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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inviting
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| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
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delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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tricky
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| adj.狡猾的，奸诈的；(工作等)棘手的，微妙的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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eerie
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| adj.怪诞的；奇异的；可怕的；胆怯的 | |
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edgy
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| adj.不安的；易怒的 | |
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sluggishly
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| adv.懒惰地；缓慢地 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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trudged
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| vt.& vi.跋涉，吃力地走（trudge的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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51
shreds
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| v.撕碎，切碎( shred的第三人称单数 )；用撕毁机撕毁（文件） | |
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52
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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swirled
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| v.旋转，打旋( swirl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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battering
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| n.用坏，损坏v.连续猛击( batter的现在分词 ) | |
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foam
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| v./n.泡沫，起泡沫 | |
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roiled
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| v.搅混（液体）( roil的过去式和过去分词 )；使烦恼；使不安；使生气 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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60
Flared
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| adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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quench
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| vt.熄灭，扑灭；压制 | |
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62
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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63
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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ledge
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| n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁 | |
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precipice
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| n.悬崖，危急的处境 | |
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66
eddies
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| （水、烟等的）漩涡，涡流( eddy的名词复数 ) | |
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67
exhaled
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| v.呼出，发散出( exhale的过去式和过去分词 )；吐出（肺中的空气、烟等），呼气 | |
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disapproving
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| adj.不满的，反对的v.不赞成( disapprove的现在分词 ) | |
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texture
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| n.(织物)质地；(材料)构造；结构；肌理 | |
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intonation
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| n.语调，声调；发声 | |
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drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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74
lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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numbing
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| adj.使麻木的，使失去感觉的v.使麻木，使麻痹( numb的现在分词 ) | |
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buffeting
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| 振动 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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nostrils
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| 鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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whooshed
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| v.（使）飞快移动( whoosh的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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