Zeus. Now, gentlemen, enough of that muttering and whispering in corners. You complain that our banquets are thrown open to a number of undesirable1 persons. Very well: the Assembly has been convened2 for the purpose of dealing3 with this very point, and every one is at liberty to declare his sentiments openly, and bring what allegations he will. — Hermes, make formal proclamation to that effect
Her. All duly qualified4 divinities are hereby invited to address the Assembly on the subject of foreigners and immigrants. Mo. Have I your permission to speak, sir?
Zeus. It is not needed; you have heard the proclamation.
Mo. I desire, then, to protest against the insufferable vanity of some among us who, not content with their own promotion5 to godhead, would introduce their dependants6 and underlings here as our equals. Sir, I shall express myself on this subject with that blunt sincerity7 which is inseparable from my character. I am known to the world as one whose unfettered tongue cannot refrain from speech in the presence of wrong-doing; as one who probes matters to the bottom, and says what he thinks, without concealment8, without fear, and without scruple9. My frankness is burdensome to the generality of Gods, who mistake it for censoriousness; I have been termed by such the Accuser General. But I shall none the less avail myself of the freedom accorded to me by the proclamation — and by your permission, sir — to speak my mind without reserve. — There are, I repeat it, many persons who, despite their mixed origin, have been admitted to our feasts and councils upon terms of equality; and who, not satisfied with this, have brought hither their servants and satellites, and enrolled10 them among the Gods; and these menials now share in our rations11 and sacrifices without ever so much as paying the customary tax.
Zeus. These are riddles12. Say what you mean in so many words, and let us have the names. Generalities of this kind can only give ground for random13 conjecture14; they might apply to any one. You are a friend to sincerity: speak on, then, without hesitation15
Mo. This is really most gratifying. Such encouragement is precisely16 what I should have expected of a king of your exalted17 spirit; I will mention the name. I refer, in fact, to Dionysus. Although the mother of this truly estimable demi-god was not only a mortal, but a barbarian18, and his maternal19 grandfather a tradesman in Phoenicia, one Cadmus, it was thought necessary to confer immortality20 upon him. With his own conduct since that time, I am not concerned; I shall have nothing to say on the subject of his snood, his inebriety21, or his manner of walking. You may all see him for yourselves: an effeminate, half-witted creature, reeking22 of strong liquor from the early hours of the day. But we are indebted to him for the presence of a whole tribe of his followers23, whom he has introduced into our midst under the title of Gods. Such are Pan, Silenus, and the Satyrs; coarse persons, of frisky24 tendencies and eccentric appearance, drawn25 chiefly from the goat-herd class. The first-mentioned of these, besides being horned, has the hind-quarters of a goat, and his enormous beard is not unlike that of the same animal. Silenus is an old man with a bald head and a snub nose, who is generally to be seen riding on a donkey; he is of Lydian extraction. The Satyrs are Phrygians; they too are bald, and have pointed26 ears, and sprouting27 horns, like those of young kids. When I add that every one of these persons is provided with a tail, you will realize the extent of our obligation
to Dionysus. And with these theological curiosities before their eyes, we wonder why it is that men think lightly of the Gods! I might have added that Dionysus has also brought us a couple of ladies: Ariadne is one, his mistress, whose crown is now set among the host of stars; the other is farmer Icarius’s daughter. And the cream of the jest is still to come: the dog, Erigone’s dog, must be translated too; the poor child would never be happy in Heaven without the sweet little pet! What can we call this but a drunken freak?
So much for Dionysus. I now proceed —
Zeus. Now, Momus, I see what you are coming to: but you will kindly29 leave Asclepius and Heracles alone. Asclepius is a physician, and restores the sick; he is
More worth than many men.
And Heracles is my own son, and purchased his immortality with many toils30. So not one word against either of them.
Mo. Very well, sir; as you wish, though I had something to say on that subject, too. You will excuse my remarking, at any rate, that they have something of a scorched31 appearance still. With reference to yourself, sir, a good deal might be said, if I could feel at liberty ———
Zeus. Oh, as regards myself, you are — perfectly32 at liberty. What, then, I am an interloper too, am I?
Mo. Worse than that, according to what they say in Crete: your tomb is there on view. Not that I believe them, any more than I believe that Aegium story, about your being a changeling. But there is one thing that I think ought to be made clear. You yourself, sir, have set us the example in loose conduct of this kind; it is you we have to thank — you and your terrestrial gallantries and your transformations33 — for the present mixed state of society. We are quite uneasy about it. You will be caught, some day, and sacrificed as a bull; or some goldsmith will try his hand upon our gold-transmuted sire, and we shall have nothing to show for it but a bracelet34, a necklace or a pair of earrings35. The long and short of it is, that Heaven is simply swarming36 with these demi-gods of yours; there is no other word for it. It tickles37 a man considerably38 when he suddenly finds Heracles promoted to deity39, and Eurystheus, his taskmaster, dead and buried, his tomb within easy distance of his slave’s temple; or again when he observes in Thebes that Dionysus is a God, but that God’s cousins, Pentheus, Actaeon, and Learchus, only mortals, and poor devils at that. You see, sir, ever since you gave the entrée to people of this sort, and turned your attention to the daughters of Earth, all the rest have followed suit; and the scandalous part of it is, that the Goddesses are just as bad as the Gods. Of the cases of Anchises, Tithonus, Endymion, Iasion, and others, I need say nothing; they are familiar to every one, and it would be tedious to expatiate40 further.
Zeus. Now I will have no reflections on Ganymede’s antecedents; I shall be very angry with you, if you hurt the boy’s feelings.
Mo. Ah; and out of consideration for him I suppose I must also abstain41 from any reference to the eagle, which is now a God like the rest of us, perches42 upon the royal sceptre, and may be expected at any moment to build his nest upon the head of Majesty43? — Well, you must allow me Attis, Corybas, and Sabazius: by what contrivance, now, did they get here? and that Mede there, Mithras, with the candys and tiara? why, the fellow cannot speak Greek; if you pledge him, he does not know what you mean. The consequence is, that Scythians and Goths, observing their success, snap their fingers at us, and distribute divinity and immortality right and left; that was how the slave Zamolxis’s name slipped into our register. However, let that pass. But I should just like to ask that Egyptian there — the dog-faced gentleman in the linen44 suit 1— who he is, and whether he proposes to establish his divinity by barking? And will the piebald bull yonder 2, from Memphis, explain what use he has for a temple, an oracle45, or a priest? As for the ibises and monkeys and goats and worse absurdities46 that are bundled in upon us, goodness knows how, from Egypt, I am ashamed to speak of them; nor do I understand how you, gentlemen, can endure to see such creatures enjoying a prestige equal to or greater than your own. — And you yourself, sir, must surely find ram’s horns a great inconvenience?
Zeus. Certainly, it is disgraceful the way these Egyptians go on. At the same time, Momus, there is an occult significance in most of these things; and it ill becomes you, who are not of the initiated47, to ridicule48 them.
Mo. Oh, come now: a God is one thing, and a person with a dog’s head is another; I need no initiation49 to tell me that.
Zeus. Well, that will do for the Egyptians; time must be taken for the consideration of their case. Proceed to others.
Mo. Trophonius and Amphilochus come next. The thought of the latter, in particular, causes my blood to boil: the father 3 is a matricide and an outcast, and the son, if you please, sets up for a prophet in Cilicia, and retails50 information — usually incorrect — to a believing public at the rate of twopence an oracle. That is how Apollo here has fallen into disrepute: it needs but a quack51 (and quacks52 are plentiful), a sprinkling of oil, and a garland or two, and an oracle may be had in these days wherever there is an altar or a stone pillar. Fever patients may now be cured either at Olympia by the statue of Polydamas the athlete, or in Thasos by that of Theagenes. Hector receives sacrifice at Troy: Protesilaus just across the water on Chersonese. Ever since the number of Gods has thus multiplied, perjury53 and temple-robbery have been on the increase. In short, men do not care two straws about us; nor can I blame them.
That is all I have to say on the subject of bastards54 and new importations. But I have also observed with considerable amusement the introduction of various strange names, denoting persons who neither have nor could conceivably have any existence among us. Show me this Virtue55 of whom we hear so much; show me Nature, and Destiny, and Fortune, if they are anything more than unsubstantial names, the vain imaginings of some philosopher’s empty head. Yet these flimsy personifications have so far gained upon the weak intelligences of mankind, that not a man will now sacrifice to us, knowing that though he should present us with a myriad56 of hecatombs, Fortune will none the less work out that destiny which has been appointed for each man from the beginning. I should take it kindly of you, sir, if you would tell me whether you have ever seen Virtue or Fortune or Destiny anywhere? I know that you must have heard of them often enough, from the philosophers, unless your ears are deaf enough to be proof against their bawlings.
Much more might be said: but I forbear. I perceive that the public indignation has already risen to hissing57 point; especially in those quarters in which my plain truths have told home.
In conclusion, sir, I have drawn up a bill dealing with this subject; which, with your permission, I shall now read.
Zeus. Very well; some of your points are reasonable enough. We must put a check on these abuses, or they will get worse.
Mo.
On the seventh day of the month in the prytany of Zeus and the presidency58 of Posidon Apollo in the chair the following Bill introduced by Sleep was read by Momus son of Night before a true and lawful59 meeting of the Assembly whom Fortune direct.
Whereas numerous persons both Greeks and barbarians60 being in no way entitled to the franchise61 have by means unknown procured62 their names to be enrolled on our register filling the Heavens with false Gods troubling our banquets with a tumultuous rout28 of miscellaneous polyglot63 humanity and causing a deficiency in the supplies of ambrosia64 and nectar whereby the price of the latter commodity owing to increased consumption has risen to four pounds the half-pint:
And whereas the said persons have presumptuously65 forced themselves into the places of genuine and old-established deities66 and in contravention of law and custom have further claimed precedence of the same deities upon the Earth:
It has seemed good to the Senate and People that an Assembly be convened upon Olympus at or about the time of the winter solstice for the purpose of electing a Commission of Inquiry67 the Commissioners68 to be duly-qualified Gods seven in number of whom three to be appointed from the most ancient Senate of Cronus and the remaining four from the twelve Gods of whom Zeus to be one and the said Commissioners shall before taking their seats swear by Styx according to the established form and Hermes shall summon by proclamation all such as claim admission to the Assembly to appear and bring with them sworn witnesses together with documentary proofs of their origin and all such persons shall successively appear before the Commissioners and the Commissioners after examination of their claims shall either declare them to be Gods or dismiss them to their own tombs and family vaults69 and if the Commissioners subsequently discover in Heaven any person so disqualified from entering such person shall be thrown into Tartarus
and further each God shall follow his own profession and no other and it shall not be lawful either for Athene to heal the sick or for Asclepius to deliver oracles70 or for Apollo to practise three professions at once but only one either prophecy or music or medicine according as he shall select and instructions shall be issued to philosophers forbidding them either to invent meaningless names or to talk nonsense about matters of which they know nothing and if a temple and sacrificial honours have already been accorded to any disqualified person his statue shall be thrown down and that of Zeus or Hera or Athene or other God substituted in its place and his city shall provide him with a tomb and set up a pillar in lieu of his altar and against any person refusing to appear before the Commissioners in accordance with the proclamation judgement shall be given by default.
That, gentlemen, is the Bill.
Zeus. And a very equitable71 one it is, Momus. All in favour of this Bill hold up their hands! Or no: our opponents are sure to be in a majority. You may all go away now, and when Hermes makes the proclamation, every one must come, bringing with him complete particulars and proofs, with his father’s and mother’s names, his tribe and clan72, and the reason and circumstances of his deification. And any of you who fail to produce your proofs will find it is no use having great temples on the Earth, or passing there for Gods; that will not help you with the Commissioners.
F.
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1 undesirable | |
adj.不受欢迎的,不良的,不合意的,讨厌的;n.不受欢迎的人,不良分子 | |
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2 convened | |
召开( convene的过去式 ); 召集; (为正式会议而)聚集; 集合 | |
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3 dealing | |
n.经商方法,待人态度 | |
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4 qualified | |
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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5 promotion | |
n.提升,晋级;促销,宣传 | |
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6 dependants | |
受赡养者,受扶养的家属( dependant的名词复数 ) | |
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7 sincerity | |
n.真诚,诚意;真实 | |
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8 concealment | |
n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
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9 scruple | |
n./v.顾忌,迟疑 | |
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10 enrolled | |
adj.入学登记了的v.[亦作enrol]( enroll的过去式和过去分词 );登记,招收,使入伍(或入会、入学等),参加,成为成员;记入名册;卷起,包起 | |
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11 rations | |
定量( ration的名词复数 ); 配给量; 正常量; 合理的量 | |
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12 riddles | |
n.谜(语)( riddle的名词复数 );猜不透的难题,难解之谜 | |
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13 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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14 conjecture | |
n./v.推测,猜测 | |
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15 hesitation | |
n.犹豫,踌躇 | |
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16 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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17 exalted | |
adj.(地位等)高的,崇高的;尊贵的,高尚的 | |
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18 barbarian | |
n.野蛮人;adj.野蛮(人)的;未开化的 | |
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19 maternal | |
adj.母亲的,母亲般的,母系的,母方的 | |
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20 immortality | |
n.不死,不朽 | |
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21 inebriety | |
n.醉,陶醉 | |
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22 reeking | |
v.发出浓烈的臭气( reek的现在分词 );散发臭气;发出难闻的气味 (of sth);明显带有(令人不快或生疑的跡象) | |
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23 followers | |
追随者( follower的名词复数 ); 用户; 契据的附面; 从动件 | |
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24 frisky | |
adj.活泼的,欢闹的;n.活泼,闹着玩;adv.活泼地,闹着玩地 | |
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25 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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26 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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27 sprouting | |
v.发芽( sprout的现在分词 );抽芽;出现;(使)涌现出 | |
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28 rout | |
n.溃退,溃败;v.击溃,打垮 | |
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29 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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30 toils | |
网 | |
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31 scorched | |
烧焦,烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 ); 使(植物)枯萎,把…晒枯; 高速行驶; 枯焦 | |
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32 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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33 transformations | |
n.变化( transformation的名词复数 );转换;转换;变换 | |
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34 bracelet | |
n.手镯,臂镯 | |
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35 earrings | |
n.耳环( earring的名词复数 );耳坠子 | |
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36 swarming | |
密集( swarm的现在分词 ); 云集; 成群地移动; 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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37 tickles | |
(使)发痒( tickle的第三人称单数 ); (使)愉快,逗乐 | |
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38 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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39 deity | |
n.神,神性;被奉若神明的人(或物) | |
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40 expatiate | |
v.细说,详述 | |
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41 abstain | |
v.自制,戒绝,弃权,避免 | |
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42 perches | |
栖息处( perch的名词复数 ); 栖枝; 高处; 鲈鱼 | |
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43 majesty | |
n.雄伟,壮丽,庄严,威严;最高权威,王权 | |
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44 linen | |
n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的 | |
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45 oracle | |
n.神谕,神谕处,预言 | |
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46 absurdities | |
n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 );荒谬;谬论;荒谬的行为 | |
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47 initiated | |
n. 创始人 adj. 新加入的 vt. 开始,创始,启蒙,介绍加入 | |
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48 ridicule | |
v.讥讽,挖苦;n.嘲弄 | |
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49 initiation | |
n.开始 | |
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50 retails | |
n.零售( retail的名词复数 ) | |
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51 quack | |
n.庸医;江湖医生;冒充内行的人;骗子 | |
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52 quacks | |
abbr.quacksalvers 庸医,骗子(16世纪习惯用水银或汞治疗梅毒的人)n.江湖医生( quack的名词复数 );江湖郎中;(鸭子的)呱呱声v.(鸭子)发出嘎嘎声( quack的第三人称单数 ) | |
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53 perjury | |
n.伪证;伪证罪 | |
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54 bastards | |
私生子( bastard的名词复数 ); 坏蛋; 讨厌的事物; 麻烦事 (认为别人走运或不幸时说)家伙 | |
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55 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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56 myriad | |
adj.无数的;n.无数,极大数量 | |
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57 hissing | |
n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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58 presidency | |
n.总统(校长,总经理)的职位(任期) | |
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59 lawful | |
adj.法律许可的,守法的,合法的 | |
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60 barbarians | |
n.野蛮人( barbarian的名词复数 );外国人;粗野的人;无教养的人 | |
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61 franchise | |
n.特许,特权,专营权,特许权 | |
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62 procured | |
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 );拉皮条 | |
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63 polyglot | |
adj.通晓数种语言的;n.通晓多种语言的人 | |
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64 ambrosia | |
n.神的食物;蜂食 | |
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65 presumptuously | |
adv.自以为是地,专横地,冒失地 | |
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66 deities | |
n.神,女神( deity的名词复数 );神祗;神灵;神明 | |
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67 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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68 commissioners | |
n.专员( commissioner的名词复数 );长官;委员;政府部门的长官 | |
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69 vaults | |
n.拱顶( vault的名词复数 );地下室;撑物跳高;墓穴 | |
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70 oracles | |
神示所( oracle的名词复数 ); 神谕; 圣贤; 哲人 | |
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71 equitable | |
adj.公平的;公正的 | |
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72 clan | |
n.氏族,部落,宗族,家族,宗派 | |
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