There must be a Buchmanite strain in me. I know of no other writer so anxious to share his troubles and limitations with his readers.
For example: here is a grave technical difficulty. I doubt whether in an English novel I am justified1 in assuming that either I or the reader knows French; a Frenchman might know it. But Miss Birkenhead at this phase in her career had a curious disposition2 to use French under the most unexpected circumstances — and I do not feel that either I or the reader has the right to set up as a judge of the sort of French she spoke3 or to pretend to translate what she was saying. So the proper thing to do here seems to be to report as exactly as possible what she said, to note several occasions when it seemed to produce reactions other than those she had anticipated, and to say no more about it. And if most of what she said remains4 incomprehensible, then the effect on the reader will be virtually the effect on Edward Albert, and he after all is our story.
Evangeline’s particular form of self-assertion, when she joined the Doober community, was to talk with extreme enthusiasm of dear Paree. She was just back after a sojourn5 there of half a year; she was homesick to return thither6; she was doubtful if she could until her holidays came round, and London looked all the darker to her in contrast to the clouds of continental7 brilliance8 she trailed. She appeared in the boarding-house almost simultaneously9 with Miss Blame, whose form of self-assertion was visual rather than-verbal.
Evangeline was dark and sallow, with thin arched eyebrows10 and a hungry enterprising hazel eye, and there was that cachet about her costume which only the great establishments of the Louvre and the Grands Boulevards can confer. Never had anything so visibly French sat at Mrs Doober’s table.
She told the story of her Great Adventure to the little group at her end of the table, to Edward Albert and Miss Blame, who responded with sympathetic murmurs11, and the young Dutchman from the room opposite Edward Albert’s, who was trying to learn English, who listened attentively12 and with a vacant amiable13 smile, never quite seeming to understand, and the little widow in mittens14 who would listen to anything consistent with morality and nod her head approvingly, and Miss Pooley who was at first a trifle aloof15 and then began to listen with something almost like relish16, and Gawpy whose business it was to take an interest in everybody, and Mrs Doober who usually sat out of earshot but listened so to speak with a wary17 eye and smiled when it looked as though Evangeline was entertaining her hearers.
But Mr Chamble Pewter found nothing in Evangeline to appeal to his sense of humour and edged away up the table past Mrs Doober to deplore18 the delinquency of the times with an elderly vegetarian19 who was an expert at book — binding20 and slightly deaf, who expressed strong views about tinned foods and cancer, and otherwise kept very much to himself. . . .
“I’d always wanted to go to Paris,” said Evangeline explaining herself, “even as a schoolgirl. I loved French at school. I only did it for a year just at the end, but I.got the school prize. It was all about dear Paree with lovely coloured pictures. I used to say, if ever I get married, I’ll insist on Paree for my honeymoon21. And then lo and behold22 early this year I learnt to my amazement23 I was to be sent to France, free gratis24 and for nothing for six months — gratuitment. Would I mind going? Mind! Que voulez — vous?”
“Who wouldn’t?” said Gawpy, manifestly sharing the rapture25.
“Laissez faires sont laissez faires,” said Evangeline. “It wasn’t all sightseeing by any means and it wasn’t all learning French, But the war had put all our business out of joint26 and somebody extra was wanted, and they picked on me. Just a week’s notice, one week, and there I was — a lovely crossing — saying Adieu to the white cliffs of Albion. And then, behold me! Down the gangway and everybody about me shouting and screaming French. To begin with I seemed to forget every word I’d ever learnt of it.”
Edward Albert nodded understandingly.
“It’s surch a brilliant language. There isn’t a word in it that hasn’t a double entente27. Stodgy28 old English, bourgeois29 to the finger tips, walks. French jumps about. Gay! Pierreust, you might say. . . .
“Nimble it is and always a little bit naughty. Esprit it has and a je ne sais quoi — oh, how do they say it? — ah! —élan vital! So quick, so polite. You say to a common taxi driver, ‘Cocher! Pouvez-vous me prendre?’ and he laughs and says, ‘Mais volontier mam’selle, toujours a v?tre service.’ Fancy our London cabbies saying anything like that!
“There was a gentleman we did business with. He took quite an interest in me and taught me a lot, one way and another. No, don’t you go imagining things! He was quite an old gentleman, and he was half-English, but all the same he didn’t mind being seen about with some one who wasn’t his grand-daughter. Comprenez? Pas de tout31. Pas de deux. Which is it? I forget.
“We got on beautifully together. I used to call him my faux pa and he simply loved that. He would repeat it to everyone who came in.
“He had a flat au bordel rivière — on the Seine, you know. Just above one of those mouche piers32 — where the steamboats come. There was an office there where we worked, and he would take me out to lunch and get me to talk French and encourage me. He would laugh and say ‘Go on. The way to speak French is to speak it.’
“I used to say ‘Am I speaking French?’ and he used to say ‘Not quite French yet, cherry’— he used to call me cherry, ‘my dear’ you know — quite in a fatherly way. ‘It’s not French yet,’ he would say, ‘but it’s very good Entente Cordial. It’s the best Entente Cordial I’ve ever met yet. I wouldn’t miss a word of it.’ He used to call it Entente Cordial because he said it was quite a pick-me-up to talk it as I did. Oh! We had surch fun.’”
So Evangeline unfolded herself and from the first appreciated the appreciation33 in Edward Albert’s admiring eyes. He was, as I have said, the nearest thing to a negotiable male in the establishment just then, for it was soon plain that the young Dutchman who was learning English had convinced himself that so far as Evangeline was concerned understanding was hopeless. She did her best, but what can you do with a man who answers your brightest remarks with the irrelevance34 of the deaf?
One day Edward Albert found a half sheet of notepaper lying on the floor near the writing desk in the snuggery. It was in Miss Pooley’s handwriting, but he did not know that and he brought it to Evangeline in all good faith.
“This yours?” he asked. “It seems to be French.”
It was headed Menu Malaprop and it ran as follows:
Potage Torture
Maquereau (Vent blank)
Agneau au sale bougre
Or perhaps a Gigolo (Vent rouge)
Petits pois sacrée
A nice hot chauffeur35
Demi tasse a l’Americaine
Champagne36 fin30 du monde p.p.c.
Fumier s.v.p.
Evangeline read it and flushed darkly.
“Beast!” she said, with more temper than she had ever before betrayed to Edward Albert. “She talks French like a High School grammar. Well, I learnt mine by ear, and she learnt hers with that bulging37 forehead of hers. . . . I suppose she thinks this funny.”
She hesitated and then crumpled38 the little document into a ball in her fist.
“Didn’t seem funny to me,” said Edward Albert loyally. “But then I don’t know the language. . . . Shall I chuck that in the fire for you?”
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1
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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2
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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4
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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sojourn
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| v./n.旅居，寄居；逗留 | |
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thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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7
continental
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| adj.大陆的，大陆性的，欧洲大陆的 | |
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brilliance
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| n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智 | |
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9
simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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10
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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11
murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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12
attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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mittens
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| 不分指手套 | |
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aloof
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| adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的 | |
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16
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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17
wary
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| adj.谨慎的，机警的，小心的 | |
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18
deplore
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| vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾 | |
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vegetarian
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| n.素食者；adj.素食的 | |
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binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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honeymoon
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| n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月 | |
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22
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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gratis
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| adj.免费的 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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27
entente
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| n.协定；有协定关系的各国 | |
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28
stodgy
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| adj.易饱的；笨重的；滞涩的；古板的 | |
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29
bourgeois
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| adj./n.追求物质享受的(人)；中产阶级分子 | |
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fin
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| n.鳍；(飞机的)安定翼 | |
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31
tout
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| v.推销，招徕；兜售；吹捧，劝诱 | |
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32
piers
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| n.水上平台( pier的名词复数 )；（常设有娱乐场所的）突堤；柱子；墙墩 | |
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33
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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34
irrelevance
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| n.无关紧要；不相关；不相关的事物 | |
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35
chauffeur
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| n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机；v.为…开车 | |
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36
champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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37
bulging
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| 膨胀； 凸出（部）； 打气； 折皱 | |
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38
crumpled
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| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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