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Chapter 20 Divorce
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MR PHILIP CHASER elicited1 Edward Albert’s ideas about the business in hand. He drew them out one by one, offering very little comment. He had just become a member of the Junior Conservative Club in Whitehall Place, and thither2 with a certain worldly pride he had conducted Edward Albert. It seemed to both of them a far more suitable place for discussing the grave problem before them than Millie Chaser’s home. They sat in a quiet corner of the huge smoking-room and Mr Philip asked his questions like a solicitor3 preparing a case.

Finally he summed up. He neighed with unusual force and duration so that distant plotters in the smoking-room suspended their machinations and looked round apprehensively4. “All this,” he said, “is going to cost you a lot of money. You think you are going to get damages, heavy damages, you say, but who is going to pay you damages and — hey — what are they going to pay damages for? All she’s done is to pack up and go. That’s no grounds for a divorce. You might get a legal separation, and so far as I know, that’s no comfort to anybody. I’ve never — hey — in the course of my life met a separated man or a separated woman. I absolutely don’t know, abso-lutely, where they go and what they do with themselves and each other. Yes, you think you can put detectives on to her to watch her and catch her out. As you don’t know where she’s gone. . . . Oh, I’m not going to tell you. I— hey — promised not to. You’ll have to find out where she is and where she goes, and you’ll have to have her caught in — what’s the word? flagrante delicto. Tedious and annoying. And meanwhile the law insists that you must lead a blameless life, absolutely blameless. You’re not rich enough to go abroad and live in a state of — hey — inaccessible5 sin, and there’s an excellent functionary6 called the King’s Proctor who has a small fund available for — hey — watching you to see you are blameless. For the better part of a year, Mr Teddy. In the interests of Justice, Religion and order, I understand. She can kick up her heels as much she likes, but you will just have to listen to your Private Enquiry Agent’s reports. You’ll find them — infuriating — absolutely infuriating. . . . You aren’t going to stand that! No? And what are you going to do about it?”

He laid a restraining hand upon Edward Albert’s arm

“Listen,” he said. “The only person who can make all this business reasonably cheap and easy is your wife. Suppose she has another man, if you go on dreaming of getting those damages out of him she’ll fight like the devil to see he doesn’t pay them. That’s only natural. Particularly as I suspect he’s a married man. But if she goes to some little country pub somewhere and sends you a confession7 and the bill, and tells you she hasn’t the remotest intention of giving you the man’s real name, there’s your evidence. Your Private Enquiry Agent will see to the evidence. And there you are.”

“But there’s eight or ten months I got to wait?”

“Ask the law. Ask the church. Ask the Divorce Law Association. Write to your Member of Parliament about it. The — hey — Apostle Paul said somewhere that it’s better to marry than to burn, but this way you can marry and burn at the same time. Not my fault, Teddy. I’m not responsible for fast — hey — arrangements.”

“You’d have arranged it better.”

“Hey — I can’t arrange everything. It’s a pity.”

“Gaw,” said Edward Albert. “I been a fool. I frown away my life.”

“I wouldn’t even say that. Suppose — hey — suppose it’s the world we live in, is the fool and not us, eh? Suppose it throws away our lives for us — however we dodge8 or however we behave?”

“I don’t understand that.”

“Come to think of it — hey — I don’t understand it myself Think it all over, Teddy. Millie and I will have a little heart — to-heart talk with the other side. Eh?”

Edward Albert nodded gloomily. “And I got to hold out for — from first to last for a year. While she — I can’t do it, Pip.”

“Well, don’t get caught. Let not your left hand know what your right hand doeth,”

“I shall go mad one day and shoot her.”

“You won’t even get to buying a pistol.”

“I’ll kill myself,”

“You’ll live — for donkeys years.”

“Well, what do you advise?”

“The-e-e —” He prolonged the word into a neigh —“prostitute is the safety-valve of the respectable Christian9 life. That is all I can tell you. Be anonymous10, be dark and discreet11. The King’s Proctor will probably send his man to ask your wife to tell her anything she knows about you. If you keep on good terms with her —”

“Damn her!”

“Exactly. If you keep on good terms with her, damn her, she will send him empty away. And there you are!”

“And she has the laugh of me!”

“She’s much more likely to get sentimental12 about it, after it’s all over and she’s got what she wants, whatever it is she wants. Don’t — hey — rankle13, Teddy. These uncontested divorces, they’re like something done in an office. They’re about as interesting as the births, marriages and deaths in a country newspaper. There’s nothing spicy14 to get into the papers. It’s when the evidence of misconduct warms up, what the maid saw through the keyhole and all that, or there’s a fighting cross-examination, that there’s a fuss. I— hey — don’t think either of you will have to go into court. I don’t think it’s necessary, but I may be wrong there. The case won’t last ten minutes. . . . ”

That omniscient15 young undertaker was right. The King’s Proctor gave no sign. The decree nisi was made absolute in due course. But by that time Edward Albert was already embarked16 upon a new and happier way of life.

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1 elicited 65993d006d16046aa01b07b96e6edfc2     
引出,探出( elicit的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Threats to reinstate the tax elicited jeer from the Opposition. 恢复此项征税的威胁引起了反对党的嘲笑。
  • The comedian's joke elicited applause and laughter from the audience. 那位滑稽演员的笑话博得观众的掌声和笑声。
2 thither cgRz1o     
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的
参考例句:
  • He wandered hither and thither looking for a playmate.他逛来逛去找玩伴。
  • He tramped hither and thither.他到处流浪。
3 solicitor vFBzb     
n.初级律师,事务律师
参考例句:
  • The solicitor's advice gave me food for thought.律师的指点值得我深思。
  • The solicitor moved for an adjournment of the case.律师请求将这个案件的诉讼延期。
4 apprehensively lzKzYF     
adv.担心地
参考例句:
  • He glanced a trifle apprehensively towards the crowded ballroom. 他敏捷地朝挤满了人的舞厅瞟了一眼。 来自辞典例句
  • Then it passed, leaving everything in a state of suspense, even the willow branches waiting apprehensively. 一阵这样的风过去,一切都不知怎好似的,连柳树都惊疑不定的等着点什么。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子
5 inaccessible 49Nx8     
adj.达不到的,难接近的
参考例句:
  • This novel seems to me among the most inaccessible.这本书对我来说是最难懂的小说之一。
  • The top of Mount Everest is the most inaccessible place in the world.珠穆朗玛峰是世界上最难到达的地方。
6 functionary 1hLx9     
n.官员;公职人员
参考例句:
  • No functionary may support or cover up unfair competition acts.国家官员不得支持、包庇不正当竞争行为。
  • " Emigrant," said the functionary,"I am going to send you on to Paris,under an escort."“ 外逃分子,”那官员说,“我要把你送到巴黎去,还派人护送。”
7 confession 8Ygye     
n.自白,供认,承认
参考例句:
  • Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
  • The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。
8 dodge q83yo     
v.闪开,躲开,避开;n.妙计,诡计
参考例句:
  • A dodge behind a tree kept her from being run over.她向树后一闪,才没被车从身上辗过。
  • The dodge was coopered by the police.诡计被警察粉碎了。
9 Christian KVByl     
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒
参考例句:
  • They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
  • His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。
10 anonymous lM2yp     
adj.无名的;匿名的;无特色的
参考例句:
  • Sending anonymous letters is a cowardly act.寄匿名信是懦夫的行为。
  • The author wishes to remain anonymous.作者希望姓名不公开。
11 discreet xZezn     
adj.(言行)谨慎的;慎重的;有判断力的
参考例句:
  • He is very discreet in giving his opinions.发表意见他十分慎重。
  • It wasn't discreet of you to ring me up at the office.你打电话到我办公室真是太鲁莽了。
12 sentimental dDuzS     
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的
参考例句:
  • She's a sentimental woman who believes marriage comes by destiny.她是多愁善感的人,她相信姻缘命中注定。
  • We were deeply touched by the sentimental movie.我们深深被那感伤的电影所感动。
13 rankle HT0xa     
v.(怨恨,失望等)难以释怀
参考例句:
  • You burrow and rankle in his heart!你挖掘并折磨他的心灵!
  • The insult still rankled in his mind.他对那次受辱仍耿耿於怀。
14 spicy zhvzrC     
adj.加香料的;辛辣的,有风味的
参考例句:
  • The soup tasted mildly spicy.汤尝起来略有点辣。
  • Very spicy food doesn't suit her stomach.太辣的东西她吃了胃不舒服。
15 omniscient QIXx0     
adj.无所不知的;博识的
参考例句:
  • He's nervous when trying to potray himself as omniscient.当他试图把自己描绘得无所不知时,内心其实很紧张。
  • Christians believe that God is omniscient.基督教徒相信上帝是无所不知的。
16 embarked e63154942be4f2a5c3c51f6b865db3de     
乘船( embark的过去式和过去分词 ); 装载; 从事
参考例句:
  • We stood on the pier and watched as they embarked. 我们站在突码头上目送他们登船。
  • She embarked on a discourse about the town's origins. 她开始讲本市的起源。


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