Sometimes it was so easy to forget that I was kissing a vampire2. Not because he seemed ordinary orhuman—I could never for a second forget that I was holding someone more angel than man in myarms—but because he made it seem like nothing at all to have his lips against my lips, my face, my throat.
He claimed he was long past the temptation my blood used to be for him, that the idea of losing me hadcured him of any desire for it. But I knew the smell of my blood still caused him pain—still burned histhroat like he was inhaling3 flames.
I opened my eyes and found his open, too, staring at my face. It made no sense when he looked at methat way. Like I was the prize rather than the outrageously4 lucky winner.
Our gazes locked for a moment; his golden eyes were so deep that I imagined I could see all the wayinto his soul. It seemed silly that this fact—the existence of his soul—had ever been in question, even ifhe was a vampire. He had the most beautiful soul, more beautiful than his brilliant mind or hisincomparable face or his glorious body.
He looked back at me as if he could see my soul, too, and as if he liked what he saw.
He couldn't see into my mind, though, the way he saw into everyone else's. Who knew why—somestrange glitch5 in my brain that made it immune to all the extraordinary and frightening things someimmortals could do. (Only my mind was immune; my body was still subject to vampires7 with abilities thatworked in ways other than Edward's.) But I was seriously grateful to whatever malfunction8 it was thatkept my thoughts a secret. It was just too embarrassing to consider the alternative.
I pulled his face to mine again.
"Definitely staying," he murmured a moment later.
"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go."I said the words, but the fingers of my right hand locked into his bronze hair, my left pressed tighteragainst the small of his back. His cool hands stroked my face.
"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't bemore eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point.""True." I breathed against the winter-cold skin of his throat.
This was pretty close to my happy place. Charlie slept obliviously9 in his room, which was almost asgood as being alone. We were curled up on my small bed, intertwined as much as it was possible,considering the thick afghan I was swathed in like a cocoon11. I hated the necessity of the blanket, but itsort of ruined the romance when my teeth started chattering12. Charlie would notice if I turned the heat onin August___At least, if / had to be bundled up, Edward's shirt was on the floor. I never got over the shock of howperfect his body was—white, cool, and polished as marble. I ran my hand down his stone chest now,tracing across the flat planes of his stomach, just marveling. A light shudder13 rippled14 through him, and hismouth found mine again. Carefully, I let the tip of my tongue press against his glass-smooth lip, and hesighed. His sweet breath washed—cold and delicious—over my face.
He started to pull away—that was his automatic response whenever he decided15 things had gone too far,his reflex reaction whenever he most wanted to keep going. Edward had spent most of his life rejectingany kind of physical gratification. I knew it was terrifying to him trying to change those habits now.
"Wait," I said, gripping his shoulders and hugging myself close to him. I kicked one leg free and wrappedit around his waist. "Practice makes perfect."He chuckled16. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have youslept at all in the last month?""But this is the dress rehearsal," I reminded him, "and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no timefor playing safe."I thought he would laugh, but he didn't answer, and his body was motionless with sudden stress. Thegold in his eyes seemed to harden from a liquid to a solid.
I thought over my words, realized what he would have heard in them.
"Bella...," he whispered.
"Don't start this again," I said. "A deal's a deal.""I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I—I can't think straight. I won'tbe able to control myself. You'll get hurt.""I'll be fine.""Bella . ..""Shh!" I pressed my lips to his to stop his panic attack. I'd heard it before. He wasn't getting out of thisdeal. Not after insisting I marry him first.
He kissed me back for a moment, but I could tell he wasn't as into it as before. Worrying, alwaysworrying. How different it would be when he didn't need to worry about me anymore. What would he dowith all his free time? He'd have to get a new hobby.
"How are your feet?" he asked.
Knowing he didn't mean that literally17, I answered, Toasty warm.""Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind.""Are you trying to ditch me?"He chuckled. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about.""I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."He hesitated, and I wondered if I'd put my foot in my mouth again.
"Can you?" he asked quietly. "I don't mean the wedding—which I am positive you will survive despiteyour qualms18—but afterward19... what about Renee, what about Charlie?"I sighed. "I'll miss them." Worse, that they would miss me, but I didn't want to give him any fuel.
"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike.""I'll miss my friends, too." I smiled in the darkness. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"He growled20.
I laughed but then was serious. "Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will behard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough forme.""Frozen forever at eighteen," he whispered.
"Every woman's dream come true," I teased.
"Never changing... never moving forward.""What does that mean?"He answered slowly. "Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And hethought you were... pregnant?""And he thought about shooting you," I guessed with a laugh. "Admit it—for one second, he honestlyconsidered it."He didn't answer.
"What, Edward?""I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right.""Gah," I gasped21.
"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate takingthat away from you, too."It took me a minute. "I know what I'm doinq.""How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice asyouimagine.""Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did—we'll adopt."He sighed, and then his voice was fierce. "It's not right I don't want you to have to make sacrifices forme. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I werehuman—"I put my hand over his lips. "You are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers tocome and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party.""I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves.""Are your feet cold?""Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is theone thing I can't wait—" He broke off mid-thought. "Oh, for the love of all that's holy!""What's wrong?"He gritted22 his teeth. "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently23 Emmett and Jasper are not going tolet me bow out tonight."I clutched him closer for one second and then released him. I didn't have a prayer of winning atug-of-war with Emmett. "Have fun."There was a squeal24 against the window—someone deliberately25 scraping their steel nails across the glassto make a horrible, cover-your-ears, goose-bumps-down-your-spine noise. I shuddered26.
"If you don't send Edward out," Emmett—still invisible in the night—hissed menacingly, "we're coming inafter him!""Go," I laughed. "Before they break my house."Edward rolled his eyes, but he got to his feet in one fluid movement and had his shirt back on in another.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow.""Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down.""I'll meet you at the altar.""HI be the one in white." I smiled at how perfectly27 blase28 I sounded.
He chuckled, said, "Very convincing," and then suddenly sank into a crouch29, his muscles coiled like aspring. He vanished—launching himself out my window too swiftly for my eyes to follow.
Outside, there was a muted thud, and I heard Emmett curse.
"You'd better not make him late," I murmured, knowing they could hear.
And then Jaspers face was peering in my window, his honey hair silver in the weak moonlight thatworked through the clouds.
"Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time."I was suddenly very calm, and my qualms all seemed unimportant. Jasper was, in his own way, just astalentedas Alice with her uncannily accurate predictions. Jasper's medium was moods rather than the future, andit was impossible to resist feeling the way he wanted you to feel.
I sat up awkwardly, still tangled30 in my blanket. "Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties?
You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?""Don't tell her anything!" Emmett growled from below. There was another thud, and Edward laughedquietly.
"Relax," Jasper told me—and I did. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, acouple of grizzly31 bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."I wondered if I would ever be able to sound so cavalier about the "vegetarian32" vampire diet.
"Thanks, Jasper."He winked33 and dropped from sight.
It was completely silent outside. Charlie's muffled34 snores droned through the walls.
I lay back against my pillow, sleepy now. I stared at the walls of my little room, bleached35 pale in themoonlight, from under heavy lids.
My last night in my room. My last night as Isabella Swan. Tomorrow night, I would be Bella Cullen.
Though the whole marriage ordeal36 was a thorn in my side, I had to admit that I liked the sound of that.
I let my mind wander idly for a moment, expecting sleep to take me. But, after a few minutes, I foundmyself more alert, anxiety creeping back into my stomach, twisting it into uncomfortable positions. Thebed seemed too soft, too warm without Edward in it. Jasper was far away, and all the peaceful, relaxedfeelings were gone with him.
It was going to be a very long day tomorrow.
I was aware that most of my fears were stupid—I just had to get over myself. Attention was aninevitable part of life. I couldn't always blend in with the scenery. However, I did have a few specificworries that were completely valid37.
First there was the wedding dress's train. Alice clearly had let her artistic38 sense overpower practicalitieson that one. Maneuvering39 the Cullens' staircase in heels and a train sounded impossible. I should havepracticed.
Then there was the guest list.
Tanya's family, the Denali clan40, would be arriving sometime before the ceremony.
It would be touchy41 to have Tanya's family in the same room with our guests from the Quileutereservation, Jacob's father and the Clearwaters. The Denalis were no fans of the werewolves. In fact,Tanya's sister irina was not coming to the wedding at all. She still nursed a vendetta42 against thewerewolves for killing43 her friend Laurent (just as he was about to kill me). Thanks to that grudge44, theDenalis had abandoned Edward's family in their worst hour of need. It had been the unlikely alliance withthe Quileute wolves that had saved all our lives when the horde45 of newborn vampires had attacked___Edward had promised me it wouldn't be dangerous to have the Denalis near the Quileutes. Tanya and allherfamily—besides Irina—felt horribly guilty for that defection. A truce47 with the werewolves was a smallprice to make up some of that debt, a price they were prepared to pay.
That was the big problem, but there was a small problem, too: my fragile self-esteem.
I'd never seen Tanya before, but I was sure that meeting her wouldn't be a pleasant experience for myego. Once upon a time, before I was born probably, she'd made her play for Edward—not that I blamedher or anyone else for wanting him. Still, she would be beautiful at the very least and magnificent at best.
Though Edward clearly—if inconceivably—preferred me, I wouldn't be able to help makingcomparisons.
I had grumbled48 a little until Edward, who knew my weaknesses, made me feel guilty.
"We're the closest thing they have to family, Bella,'7he'd reminded me. "They still feel like orphans49, youknow, even after all this time."So I'd conceded, hiding my frown.
Tanya had a big family now, almost as big as the Cullens. There were five of them; Tanya, Kate, andIrina had been joined by Carmen and Eleazar much the same way the Cullens had been joined by Aliceand Jasper, all of them bonded50 by their desire to live more compassionately51 than normal vampires did.
For all the company, though, Tanya and her sisters were still alone in one way. Still in mourning. Becausea very long time ago, they'd had a mother, too.
I could imagine the hole that loss would leave, even after a thousand years; I tried to visualize52 the Cullenfamily without their creator, their center, and their guide—their father, Carlisle. I couldn't see it.
Carlisle had explained Tanya's history during one of the many nights I'd stayed late at the Cullens' home,learning as much as I could, preparing as much as was possible for the future I'd chosen. Tanya'smother's story was one among many, a cautionary tale illustrating53 just one of the rules I would need to beaware of when I joined the immortal6 world. Only one rule, actually—one law that broke down into athousand different facets54: Keep the secret.
Keeping the secret meant a lot of things—living inconspicuously like the Cullens, moving on beforehumans could suspect they weren't aging. Or keeping clear of humans altogether—except atmealtime—the way nomads55 like James and Victoria had lived; the way Jasper's friends, Peter andCharlotte, still lived. It meant keeping control of whatever new vampires you created, like Jasper haddone when he'd lived with Maria. Like Victoria had failed to do with her newborns.
And it meant not creating some things in the first place, because some creations were uncontrollable.
"I don't know Tanya's mother's name," Carlisle had admitted, his golden eyes, almost the exact shade ofhis fair hair, sad with remembering Tanya's pain. "They never speak of her if they can avoid it, never thinkofherwillingly.
"The woman who created Tanya, Kate, and Irina—who loved them, I believe—lived many years beforeI was born, during a time of plague in our world, the plague of the immortal children.
"What they were thinking, those ancient ones, I can't begin to understand. They created vampires out ofhumans who were barely more than infants."I'd had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat as I'd pictured what he was describing.
"They were very beautiful," Carlisle had explained quickly, seeing my reaction. "So endearing, soenchanting, you can't imagine. You had but to be near them to love them; it was an automatic thing.
"However, they could not be taught. They were frozen at whatever level of development they'd achievedbeforebeing bitten. Adorable two-year-olds with dimples and lisps that could destroy half a village in one oftheir tantrums. If they hungered, they fed, and no words of warning could restrain them. Humans sawthem, stories circulated, fear spread like fire in dry brush___"Tanya's mother created such a child. As with the other ancients, i cannot fathom56 her reasons." He'dtaken a deep, steadying breath. "The Volturi became involved, of course."I'd flinched57 as I always did at that name, but of course the legion of Italian vampires—royalty in theirown estimation—was central to this story. There couldn't be a law if there was no punishment; therecouldn't be a punishment if there was no one to deliver it. The ancients Aro, Caius, and Marcus ruled theVolturi forces; I'd only met them once, but in that brief encounter, it seemed to me that Aro, with hispowerful mind-reading gift—one touch, and he knew every thought a mind had ever held—was the trueleader.
"The Volturi studied the immortal children, at home in Volterra and all around the world. Caius decidedthe young ones were incapable58 of protecting our secret. And so they had to be destroyed.
"I told you they were loveable. Well, covens fought to the last man—were utterly59 decimated—to protectthem. The carnage was not as widespread as the southern wars on this continent, but more devastating60 inits own way. Long-established covens, old traditions, friends... Much was lost. In the end, the practicewas completely eliminated. The immortal children became unmentionable, a taboo61.
"When I lived with the Volturi, I met two immortal children, so I know firsthand the appeal they had.
Aro studied the little ones for many years after the catastrophe62 they'd caused was over. You know hisinquisitive disposition63; he was hopeful that they could be tamed. But in the end, the decision wasunanimous: the immortal children could not be allowed to exist."I'd all but forgotten the Denali sisters' mother when the story returned to her.
"It is unclear precisely64 what happened with Tanya's mother," Carlisle had said. "Tanya, Kate, and irinawere entirely65 oblivious10 until the day the Volturi came for them, their mother and her illegal creationalready their prisoners. It was ignorance that saved Tanya's and her sisters' lives. Aro touched them andsaw their total innocence66, so they were not punished with their mother.
"None of them had ever seen the boy before, or dreamed of his existence, until the day they watchedhim burn in their mother's arms. I can only guess that their mother had kept her secret to protect themfrom this exact outcome. But why had she created him in the first place? Who was he, and what had hemeant to her that would cause her to cross this most uncrossable of lines? Tanya and the others neverreceived an answer to any of these questions. But they could not doubt their mother's guilt46, and I don'tthink they've ever truly forgiven her.
"Even with Aro's perfect assurance that Tanya, Kate, and Irina were innocent, Caius wanted them toburn. Guilty by association. They were lucky that Aro felt like being merciful that day. Tanya and hersisters were pardoned, but left with unhealing hearts and a very healthy respect for the law___"I'm not sure where exactly the memory turned into a dream. One moment it seemed that I was listeningto Carlisle in my memory, looking at his face, and then a moment later I was looking at a gray, barrenfield and smellingthe thick scent67 of burning incense68 in the air. I was not alone there.
The huddle69 of figures in the center of the field, all shrouded70 in ashy cloaks, should have terrified me—they could only be Volturi, and I was, against what they'd decreed at our last meeting, still human. ButI knew, as I sometimes did in dreams, that I was invisible to them.
Scattered all around me were smoking heaps. I recognized the sweetness in the air and did not examinethe mounds71 too closely. I had no desire to see the faces of the vampires they had executed, half afraidthat I might recognize someone in the smoldering72 pyres.
The Volturi soldiers stood in a circle around something or someone, and I heard their whispery voicesraised in agitation73. I edged closer to the cloaks, compelled by the dream to see whatever thing or personthey were examining with such intensity74. Creeping carefully between two of the tall hissing75 shrouds76, Ifinally saw the object of their debate, raised up on a little hillock above them.
He was beautiful, adorable, just as Carlisle had described. The boy was a toddler still, maybe two yearsof age. Light brown curls framed his cherubic face with its round cheeks and full lips. And he wastrembling, his eyes closed as if he was too frightened to watch death coming closer every second.
I was struck with such a powerful need to save the lovely, terrified child that the Volturi, despite all theirdevastating menace, no longer mattered to me. I shoved past them, not caring if they realized mypresence. Breaking free of them altogether, I sprinted77 toward the boy.
Only to stagger to a halt as I got a clear view of the hillock that he sat upon. It was not earth and rock,but a pile of human bodies, drained and lifeless. Too late not to see these faces. I knew them all—Angela, Ben, Jessica, Mike.... And directly beneath the adorable boy were the bodies of my fatherand my mother.
The child opened his bright, bloodred eyes.
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1
synchronization
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| n.同一时刻；同步；使时间互相一致；同时性 | |
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vampire
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| n.吸血鬼 | |
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inhaling
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| v.吸入( inhale的现在分词 ) | |
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outrageously
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| 凶残地； 肆无忌惮地； 令人不能容忍地； 不寻常地 | |
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glitch
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| n.干扰；误操作，小故障 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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vampires
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| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
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malfunction
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| vi.发生功能故障，发生故障，显示机能失常 | |
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obliviously
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oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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cocoon
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| n.茧 | |
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chattering
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| n. （机器振动发出的）咔嗒声，(鸟等)鸣，啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的，啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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rippled
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| 使泛起涟漪（ripple的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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qualms
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| n.不安；内疚 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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gritted
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| v.以沙砾覆盖（某物），撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 )；咬紧牙关 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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squeal
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| v.发出长而尖的声音；n.长而尖的声音 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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blase
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| adj.厌烦于享乐的 | |
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crouch
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| v.蹲伏，蜷缩，低头弯腰；n.蹲伏 | |
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tangled
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| adj. 纠缠的，紊乱的 动词tangle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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grizzly
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| adj.略为灰色的，呈灰色的；n.灰色大熊 | |
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vegetarian
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| n.素食者；adj.素食的 | |
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winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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bleached
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| 漂白的，晒白的，颜色变浅的 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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valid
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| adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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maneuvering
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| v.移动，用策略( maneuver的现在分词 )；操纵 | |
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clan
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| n.氏族，部落，宗族，家族，宗派 | |
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touchy
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| adj.易怒的；棘手的 | |
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vendetta
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| n.世仇，宿怨 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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grudge
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| n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做 | |
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horde
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| n.群众，一大群 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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47
truce
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| n.休战，(争执，烦恼等的)缓和；v.以停战结束 | |
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grumbled
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| 抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 发牢骚； 咕哝； 发哼声 | |
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49
orphans
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| 孤儿( orphan的名词复数 ) | |
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50
bonded
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| n.有担保的，保税的，粘合的 | |
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51
compassionately
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| adv.表示怜悯地，有同情心地 | |
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52
visualize
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| vt.使看得见，使具体化，想象，设想 | |
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53
illustrating
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| 给…加插图( illustrate的现在分词 )； 说明； 表明； （用示例、图画等）说明 | |
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54
facets
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| n.（宝石或首饰的）小平面( facet的名词复数 )；（事物的）面；方面 | |
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55
nomads
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| n.游牧部落的一员( nomad的名词复数 )；流浪者；游牧生活；流浪生活 | |
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56
fathom
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| v.领悟，彻底了解 | |
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flinched
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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58
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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60
devastating
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| adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的 | |
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taboo
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| n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止 | |
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catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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69
huddle
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| vi.挤作一团；蜷缩；vt.聚集；n.挤在一起的人 | |
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shrouded
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| v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 )；保密 | |
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mounds
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| 土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆 | |
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smoldering
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| v.用文火焖烧，熏烧，慢燃( smolder的现在分词 ) | |
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73
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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76
shrouds
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| n.裹尸布( shroud的名词复数 )；寿衣；遮蔽物；覆盖物v.隐瞒( shroud的第三人称单数 )；保密 | |
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sprinted
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| v.短距离疾跑( sprint的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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