Now, as I shut the car door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lullaby.
Edward was welcoming me home.
I moved slowly as I pulled Renesmee—fast asleep; we'd been gone all day—from the car. We'd leftJacob at Charlie's—he'd said he was going to catch a ride home with Sue. I wondered if he was trying tofill his head with enough trivia to crowd out the image of the way my face had looked when I'd walkedthrough Charlie's door.
As I walked slowly to the Cullen house now, I recognized that the hope and uplift that seemed almost avisible aura around the big white house had been mine this morning, too. It felt alien to me now.
I wanted to cry again, hearing Edward play for me. But I pulled it together. I didn't want him to besuspicious. I would leave no clues in his mind for Aro if I could help it.
Edward turned his head and smiled when I came in the door, but kept playing.
"Welcome home," he said, as if this was just any normal day. As if there weren't twelve other vampiresin the room involved in various pursuits, and a dozen more scattered3 around somewhere. "Did you have agood time with Charlie today?""Yes. Sorry I was gone so long. I stepped out to do a little Christmas shopping for Renesmee. I know itwon't be much of an event, but..." I shrugged4.
Edward's lips turned down. He quit playing and spun5 around on the bench so that his whole body wasfacing me. He put one hand on my waist and pulled me closer. "I hadn't thought much about it. If youwant to make an event of it—""No," I interrupted him. I flinched6 internally at the idea of trying to fake more enthusiasm than the bareminimum. "I just didn't want to let it pass without giving her something.""Do I get to see?""If you want. It's only a little thing."Renesmee was completely unconscious, snoring delicately against my neck. I envied her. It would havebeen nice to escape reality, even for just a few hours.
Carefully, I fished the little velvet7 jewelry8 bag from my clutch without opening the purse enough forEdward to see the cash I was still carrying.
"It caught my eye from the window of an antique store while I was driving by."I shook the little golden locket into his palm. It was round with a slender vine border carved around theoutside edge of the circle. Edward popped the tiny catch and looked inside. There was space for a smallpicture and, on the opposite side, an inscription9 in French.
"Do you know what this says?" he asked in a different tone, more subdued10 than before.
"The shopkeeper told me it said something along the lines of 'more than my own life.' Is that right?""Yes, he had it right."He looked up at me, his topaz eyes probing. I met his gaze for a moment, then pretended to bedistracted by the television.
"I hope she likes it," I muttered.
"Of course she will," he said lightly, casually11, and I was sure in that second that he knew I was keepingsomething from him. I was also sure that he had no idea of the specifics.
"Let's take her home," he suggested, standing12 and putting his arm around my shoulders.
I hesitated.
"What?" he demanded.
"I wanted to practice with Emmett a little___" I'd lost the whole day to my vital errand; it made me feelbehind.
Emmett—on the sofa with Rose and holding the remote, of course—looked up and grinned inanticipation. "Excellent. The forest needs thinning."Edward frowned at Emmett and then at me.
"There's plenty of time for that tomorrow," he said.
"Don't be ridiculous," I complained. "There's no such thing as plenty of time anymore. That conceptdoes not exist. I have a lot to learn and—"He cut me off. "Tomorrow."And his expression was such that not even Emmett argued.
i was surprised at how hard it was to go back to a routine that was, after all, brand new. But strippingaway even that little bit of hope I'd been fostering made everything seem impossible.
I tried to focus on the positives. There was a good chance that my daughter was going to survive whatwascoming, and Jacob, too. If they had a future, then that was a kind of victory, wasn't it? Our little bandmust be going to hold their own if Jacob and Renesmee were going to have the opportunity to run in thefirst place. Yes, Alice's strategy only made sense if we were going to put up a really good fight. So, akind of victory there, too, considering that the Volturi had never been seriously challenged in millennia14.
It was not going to be the end of the world. Just the end of the Cullens. The end of Edward, the end ofme.
I preferred it that way—the last part anyway. I would not live without Edward again; if he was leavingthis world, then I would be right behind him.
I wondered idly now and then if there would be anything for us on the other side. I knew Edward didn'treally believe so, but Carlisle did. I couldn't imagine it myself. On the other hand, I couldn't imagineEdward not existing somehow, somewhere. If we could be together in any place, then that was a happyending.
And so the pattern of my days continued, just that much harder than before.
We went to see Charlie on Christmas Day, Edward, Renesmee, Jacob, and I. All of Jacob's pack werethere, plus Sam, Emily, and Sue. It was a big help to have them there in Charlie's little rooms, their huge,warm bodies wedged into corners around his sparsely15 decorated tree—you could see exactly where he'dgotten bored and quit—and overflowing16 his furniture. You could always count on werewolves to bebuzzed about a coming fight, no matter how suicidal. The electricity of their excitement provided a nicecurrent that disguised my utter lack of spirit. Edward was, as always, a better actor than I was.
Renesmee wore the locket I'd given her at dawn, and in her jacket pocket was the MP3 player Edwardhad given her—a tiny thing that held five thousand songs, already filled with Edward's favorites. On herwrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. Edward had gritted17 his teeth over thatone, but it didn't bother me.
Soon, so soon, I would be giving her to Jacob for safekeeping. How could I be bothered by any symbolof the commitment I was so relying on?
Edward had saved the day by ordering a gift for Charlie, too. It had shown up yesterday—priorityovernight shipping—and Charlie spent all morning reading the thick instruction manual to his new fishingsonar system.
From the way the werewolves ate, Sue's lunch spread must have been good. I wondered how thegathering would have looked to an outsider. Did we play our parts well enough? Would a stranger havethought us a happy circle of friends, enjoying the holiday with casual cheer?
I think Edward and Jacob both were as relieved as I was when it was time to go. It felt odd to spendenergy on the human fagade when there were so many more important things to be doing. I had a hardtime concentrating. At the same time, this was perhaps the last time I would see Charlie. Maybe it was agood thing that I was too numb19 to really register that.
I hadn't seen my mother since the wedding, but I found I could only be glad for the gradual distancingthat had begun two years ago. She was too fragile for my world. I didn't want her to have any part ofthis. Charlie was stronger.
Maybe even strong enough for a goodbye now, but I wasn't.
It was very quiet in the car; outside, the rain was just a mist, hovering20 on the edge between liquid andice. Renesmee sat on my lap, playing with her locket, opening and closing it. I watched her and imaginedthe things I would say to Jacob right now if I didn't have to keep my words out of Edward's head.
If its ever safe again, take her to Charlie. Tell him the whole story someday. Tell him how much I lovedhim, how I couldn't bear to leave him even when my human life was over. Tell him he was the best father.
Tell him to pass my love on to Renee, all my hopes that she will be happy and well....
I would have to give Jacob the documents before it was too late. I would give him a note for Charlie,too. And a letter for Renesmee. Something for her to read when I couldn't tell her I loved her anymore.
There was nothing unusual about the outside of the Cullen house as we pulled into the meadow, but Icould hear some kind of subtle uproar21 inside. Many low voices murmured and growled22. It soundedintense, and it sounded like an argument. I could pick out Carlisle's voice and Amun's more often than theothers.
Edward parked in front of the house rather than going around to the garage. We exchanged one waryglance before we got out of the car.
Jacob's stance changed; his face turned serious and careful. I guessed that he was in Alpha mode now.
Obviously, something had happened, and he was going to get the information he and Sam would need.
"Alistair is gone," Edward murmured as we darted23 up the steps.
Inside the front room, the main confrontation24 was physically25 apparent. Lining26 the walls was a ring ofspectators, every vampire1 who had joined us, except for Alistair and the three involved in the quarrel.
Esme, Kebi, and Tia were the closest to the three vampires2 in the center; in the middle of the room,Amun was hissing27 at Carlisle and Benjamin.
Edward's jaw28 tightened29 and he moved quickly to Esme's side, towing me by the hand. I clutchedRenesmee tightly to my chest.
"Amun, if you want to go, no one is forcing you to stay," Carlisle said calmly.
"You're stealing half my coven, Carlisle!" Amun shrieked30, stabbing one finger at Benjamin. "Is that whyyou called me here? To steal from me?"Carlisle sighed, and Benjamin rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Carlisle picked a fight with the Volturi, endangered his whole family, just to lure31 me here to mydeath," Benjamin said sarcastically32. "Be reasonable, Amun. I'm committed to do the right thing here—I'mnot joining any other coven. You can do whatever you want, of course, as Carlisle has pointed33 out.""This won't end well," Amun growled. "Alistair was the only sane34 one here. We should all be running.""Think of who you're calling sane," Tia murmured in a quiet aside.
"We're all going to be slaughtered35!""It's not going to come to a fight," Carlisle said in a firm voice.
"You say!""If it does, you can always switch sides, Amun. I'm sure the Volturi will appreciate your help."Amun sneered36 at him. "Perhaps that is the answer."Carlisle's answer was soft and sincere. "I wouldn't hold that against you, Amun. We have been friendsfor a long time, but I would never ask you to die for me."Amun's voice was more controlled, too. "But you're taking my Benjamin down with you."Carlisle put his hand on Amun's shoulder; Amun shook it off.
"I'll stay, Carlisle, but it might be to your detriment37. I will join them if that's the road to survival. You'reall fools to think that you can defy the Volturi." He scowled38, then sighed, glanced at Renesmee and me,and added in an exasperated39 tone, "I will witness that the child has grown. That's nothing but the truth.
Anyone would see that.""That's all we've ever asked."Amun grimaced40, "But not all that you are getting, it seems." He turned on Benjamin. "I gave you life.
You're wasting it."Benjamin's face looked colder than I'd ever seen it; the expression contrasted oddly with his boyishfeatures. "It's a pity you couldn't replace my will with your own in the process; perhaps then you wouldhave been satisfied with me."Amun's eyes narrowed. He gestured abruptly41 to Kebi, and they stalked past us out the front door.
"He's not leaving," Edward said quietly to me, "but he'll be keeping his distance even more from now on.
He wasn't bluffing42 when he spoke43 of joining the Volturi.""Why did Alistair go?" I whispered.
"No one can be positive; he didn't leave a note. From his mutters, it's been clear that he thinks a fight isinevitable. Despite his demeanor44, he actually does care too much for Carlisle to stand with the Volturi. Isuppose he decided45 the danger was too much." Edward shrugged.
Though our conversation was clearly just between the two of us, of course everyone could hear it.
Eleazar answered Edward's comment like it had been meant for all.
"From the sound of his mumblings, it was a bit more than that. We haven't spoken much of the Volturiagenda, but Alistair worried that no matter how decisively we can prove your innocence46, the Volturi willnot listen. He thinks they will find an excuse to achieve their goals here."The vampires glanced uneasily at one another. The idea that the Volturi would manipulate their ownsacrosanct law for gain was not a popular idea. Only the Romanians were composed, their smallhalf-smiles ironic47. They seemed amused at how the others wanted to think well of their ancient enemies.
Many low discussions began at the same time, but it was the Romanians I listened to. Maybe becausethe fair-haired Vladimir kept shooting glances in my direction.
"I do so hope Alistair was right about this," Stefan murmured to Vladimir. "No matter the outcome,word will spread. It's time our world saw the Volturi for what they've become. They'll never fall ifeveryone believes this nonsense about them protecting our way of life.""At least when we ruled, we were honest about what we were," Vladimir replied.
Stefan nodded. "We never put on white hats and called ourselves saints."Tm thinking the time has come to fight," Vladimir said. "How can you imagine well ever find a betterforce to stand with? Another chance this good?""Nothing is impossible. Maybe someday—""We've been waiting for fifteen hundred years, Stefan. And they've only gotten stronger with theyears." Vladimir paused and looked at me again. He showed no surprise when he saw that I waswatching him, too. "If the Volturi win this conflict, they will leave with more power than they came with.
With every conquest they add to their strengths. Think of what that newborn alone could give them"—hejerked his chin toward me—"and she is barely discovering her gifts. And the earth-mover." Vladimirnodded toward Benjamin, who stiffened48. Almost everyone was eavesdropping49 on the Romanians now,like me. "With their witch twins they have no need of the illusionist or the fire touch." His eyes moved toZafrina, then Kate.
Stefan looked at Edward. "Nor is the mind reader is exactly necessary. But I see your point. Indeed,they will gain much if they win.""More than we can afford to have them gain, wouldn't you agree?"Stefan sighed. "I think i must agree. And that means...""That we must stand against them while there is still hope.""If we can just cripple them, even, expose them ...""Then, someday, others will finish the job.""And our long vendetta50 will be repaid. At last."They locked eyes for a moment and then murmured in unison51. "It seems the only way.""So we fight," Stefan said.
Though I could see that they were torn, self-preservation warring with revenge, the smile they exchangedwas full of anticipation13.
"We fight," Vladimir agreed.
I suppose it was a good thing; like Alistair, I was sure the battle was impossible to avoid. In that case,two more vampires fighting on our side could only help. But the Romanians' decision still made meshudder.
"We will fight, too," Tia said, her usually grave voice more solemn than ever. "We believe the Volturi willoverstep their authority. We have no wish to belong to them." Her eyes lingered on her mate.
Benjamin grinned and threw an impish glance toward the Romanians. "Apparently52, I'm a hot commodity.
It appears I have to win the right to be free.""This won't be the first time I've fought to keep myself from a king's rule," Garrett said in a teasing tone.
He walked over and clapped Benjamin on the back. "Here's to freedom from oppression.""We stand with Carlisle," Tanya said. "And we fight with him."The Romanians' pronouncement seemed to have made the others feel the need to declare themselves aswell.
"We have not decided/7Peter said. He looked down at his tiny companion; Charlotte's lips were set indissatisfaction. It looked like she'd made her decision. I wondered what it was.
"The same goes for me," Randall said.
"And me," Mary added.
"The packs will fight with the Cullens," Jacob said suddenly. "We're not afraid of vampires," he addedwith a smirk53.
"Children," Peter muttered.
"Infants," Randall corrected.
Jacob grinned tauntingly54.
"Well, I'm in, too," Maggie said, shrugging out from under Siobhan's restraining hand. "I know truth is onCarlisle's side. I can't ignore that."Siobhan stared at the junior member of her coven with worried eyes. "Carlisle," she said as if they werealone, ignoring the suddenly formal feel of the gathering18, the unexpected outburst of declarations, "I don'twant this to come to a fight.""Nor do I, Siobhan. You know that's the last thing I want." He half-smiled. "Perhaps you shouldconcentrate on keeping it peaceful.""You know that won't help," she said.
I remembered Rose and Carlisle's discussion of the Irish leader; Carlisle believed that Siobhan had somesubtle but powerful gift to make things go her way—and yet Siobhan didn't believe it herself.
"It couldn't hurt," Carlisle said.
Siobhan rolled her eyes. "Shall I visualize55 the outcome I desire?" she asked sarcastically.
Carlisle was openly grinning now. "If you don't mind.""Then there is no need for my coven to declare itself, is there?" she retorted. "Since there is no possibilityof a fight." She put her hand back on Maggie's shoulder, pulling the girl closer to her. Siobhan's mate,Liam, stood silent and expressionless.
Almost everyone else in the room looked mystified by Carlisle and Siobhan's clearly joking exchange,but they didn't explain themselves.
That was the end of the dramatic speeches for the night. The group slowly dispersed56, some off to hunt,some to while away the time with Carlisle's books or televisions or computers.
Edward, Renesmee, and I went to hunt. Jacob tagged along.
"Stupid leeches," he muttered to himself when we got outside. "Think they're so superior." He snorted.
"They'll be shocked when the infants save their superior lives, won't they?" Edward said.
Jake smiled and punched his shoulder. "Hell yeah, they will."This wasn't our last hunting trip. We all would hunt again nearer to the time we expected the Volturi. Asthe deadline was not exact, we were planning to stay a few nights out in the big baseball clearing Alicehad seen, just incase. All we knew was that they would come the day that the snow stuck to the ground. We didn't wantthe Volturi too close to town, and Demetri would lead them to wherever we were. I wondered who hewould track in, and guessed that it would be Edward since he couldn't track me.
I thought about Demetri while I hunted, paying little attention to my prey57 or the drifting snowflakes thathad finally appeared but were melting before they touched the rocky soil. Would Demetri realize that hecouldn't track me? What would he make of that? What would Aro? Or was Edward wrong? There werethose little exceptions to what I could withstand, those ways around my shield. Everything that wasoutside my mind was vulnerable—open to the things Jasper, Alice, and Benjamin could do. MaybeDemetri's talent worked a little differently, too.
And then I had a thought that brought me up short. The half-drained elk58 dropped from my hands to thestony ground. Snowflakes vaporized a few inches from the warm body with tiny sizzling sounds. I staredblankly at my bloody59 hands.
Edward saw my reaction and hurried to my side, leaving his own kill undrained.
"What's wrong?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes sweeping60 the forest around us, looking for whateverhad triggered my behavior.
"Renesmee," I choked.
"She's just through those trees," he reassured61 me. "I can hear both her thoughts and Jacob's. She's fine.""That's not what I meant," I said. "I was thinking about my shield—you really think it's worth something,that it will help somehow. I know the others are hoping that I'll be able to shield Zafrina and Benjamin,even if I can only keep it up for a few seconds at a time. What if that's a mistake? What if your trust inme is the reason that we fail?"My voice was edging toward hysteria, though I had enough control to keep it low. I didn't want to upsetRenesmee.
"Bella, what brought this on? Of course, it s wonderful that you can protect yourself, but you're notresponsible for saving anyone. Don't distress62 yourself needlessly.""But what if I can't protect anything?" I whispered in gasps63. "This thing I do, it's faulty, it's erratic64!
There's no rhyme or reason to it. Maybe it will do nothing against Alec at all.""Shh," he hushed me. "Don't panic. And don't worry about Alec. What he does is no different than whatJane or Zafrina does. It's just an illusion—he can't get inside your head any more than I can.""But Renesmee does!" I hissed65 frantically66 through my teeth. "It seemed so natural, I never questioned itbefore. It's always been just part of who she is. But she puts her thoughts right into my head just like shedoes with everyone else. My shield has holes, Edward!"I stared at him desperately67, waiting for him to acknowledge my terrible revelation. His lips were pursed,as if he was trying to decide how to phrase something. His expression was perfectly68 relaxed.
"You thought of this a long time ago, didn't you?" I demanded, feeling like an idiot for my months ofoverlooking the obvious.
He nodded, a faint smile pulling up one corner of his mouth. "The first time she touched you."I sighed at my own stupidity, but his calm had mellowed69 me some. "And this doesn't bother you? Youdon't see it as a problem?""I have two theories, one more likely than the other.""Give me the least likely first.""Well, she's your daughter," he pointed out. "Genetically70 half you. I used to tease you about how yourmind was on a different frequency than the rest of ours. Perhaps she runs on the same."This didn't work for me. "But you hear her mind just fine. Everyone hears her mind. And what if Alecruns on a different frequency? What if—?"He put a finger to my lips. "I've considered that. Which is why I think this next theory is much morelikely."I gritted my teeth and waited.
"Do you remember what Carlisle said to me about her, right after she showed you that first memory?"Of course I remembered. "He said, It's an interesting twist. Like she's doing the exact opposite of whatyou can.'""Yes. And so I wondered. Maybe she took your talent and flipped71 it, too."I considered that.
"You keep everyone out," he began.
"And no one keeps her out?" I finished hesitantly.
"That's my theory," he said. "And if she can get into your head, I doubt there's a shield on the planet whocould keep her at bay. That will help. From what we've seen, no one can doubt the truth of her thoughtsonce they've allowed her to show them. And I think no one can keep her from showing them, if she getsclose enough. If Aro allows her to explain___"I shuddered72 to think of Renesmee so close to Aro's greedy, milky73 eyes.
"Well," he said, rubbing my tight shoulders. "At least there's nothing that can stop him from seeing thetruth.""But is the truth enough to stop him?" I murmured.
For that, Edward had no answer.
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vampire
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| n.吸血鬼 | |
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vampires
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| n.吸血鬼( vampire的名词复数 )；吸血蝠；高利贷者；（舞台上的）活板门 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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shrugged
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spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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flinched
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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jewelry
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inscription
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| n.（尤指石块上的）刻印文字，铭文，碑文 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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casually
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standing
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anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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millennia
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| n.一千年，千禧年 | |
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sparsely
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| adv.稀疏地；稀少地；不足地；贫乏地 | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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gritted
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| v.以沙砾覆盖（某物），撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 )；咬紧牙关 | |
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gathering
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numb
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hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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uproar
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growled
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darted
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confrontation
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physically
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lining
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hissing
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jaw
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tightened
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shrieked
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lure
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sarcastically
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pointed
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sane
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slaughtered
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sneered
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| 讥笑，冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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detriment
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| n.损害；损害物，造成损害的根源 | |
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scowled
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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grimaced
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| v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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bluffing
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| n. 威吓，唬人 动词bluff的现在分词形式 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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demeanor
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| n.行为；风度 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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ironic
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| adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的 | |
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stiffened
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| 加强的 | |
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eavesdropping
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| n. 偷听 | |
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vendetta
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| n.世仇，宿怨 | |
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unison
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| n.步调一致，行动一致 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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smirk
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| n.得意地笑；v.傻笑；假笑着说 | |
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tauntingly
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| 嘲笑地，辱骂地； 嘲骂地 | |
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visualize
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| vt.使看得见，使具体化，想象，设想 | |
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dispersed
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| adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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elk
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| n.麋鹿 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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erratic
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| adj.古怪的，反复无常的，不稳定的 | |
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hissed
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| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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frantically
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| ad.发狂地, 发疯地 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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mellowed
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| （使）成熟( mellow的过去式和过去分词 )； 使色彩更加柔和，使酒更加醇香 | |
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genetically
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| adv.遗传上 | |
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flipped
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| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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milky
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| adj.牛奶的，多奶的；乳白色的 | |
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